Etiquette and Wealth

By the 1890s, the center of fashionable Newport, and its famous 400, was Ochre Point, Ocean Drive and out Bellevue Avenue, where the nouveaux riche were all building their “palaces.” –Good manners are not the exclusive property of the wealthy. Good manners do not discriminate between the “haves” and the “have nots.” This gent was actually lamenting the stilted snobbery, not the actual etiquette of the wealthy.

Wealth vs. Happiness

A Millionaire  Sighs for Freedom From Conventionalities

“I never realized more forcibly that wealth does not bring happiness than one day at Newport,” said Austin Corbin, the millionaire banker and President of the Reading Railroad. “I had been moving along the fashionable drives scanning the faces of the passers-by. All were evidently bored to death. The ladies, arrayed in richest carriage toilets, seemed afraid to move lest they should disarrange their apparel. Not a ripple of laughter did I hear. All seemed to have arrayed themselves in their best and gone out to drive because it was a duty they owed to their social position to be seen among the other fashionables. Everybody's spirits seemed completely bowed down beneath the weight of fashion, decorum and etiquette, so inseparable from wealth. 

“Leaving the four hundred element I drove to an unfashionable and remote part of the beach. There in an eligible-situation, at just the right distance from the water for enjoyment, I saw a neat cottage adorned with the legend, ‘Mrs. O'Donnelly's ladies’ and gents’ boarding-house. Terms, $6 per week.’ A number of athletic young men and a bevy of buxom, rosy cheeked young girls were congregated on the porch and lawn. What a contrast the charmingly, healthful and natural appearance of these young people to that of the blighted, artificial victims of fashion I had just left. They were all in negligee costume, and merriment, playfulness and health sparkled in every eye and rang out heartily from every lip. „ “‘Oh.’ I thought, “if I could only escape from the fashionable prison, called a hotel by courtesy, where I am confined, with what inexpressible joy I would board at Mrs. O'Donnelly's.’”—Pittsburg. Dispatch, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Gilded Age Polish

Aiming for polished perfection, daughters of wealthy parents are often sent to what are called "finishing schools."

Where Girls Are "Polished"

When the daughters of wealthy parents have completed their ordinary routine of studies at school, they are often sent to what are called finishing schools, where they are polished. There are a number of these schools in the larger cities. 

Do not suppose that at these institutions of learning: the girls are taught such common-place things as arithmetic, geography or practical studies of the ordinary sort. "Book learning" is practically omitted from the curriculum, being retained only so far as is necessary for the acquirement of knowledge indispensable to one who aspires to be a good conversationalist on the ordinary topics talked of in society.

The chief studies are languages, much proficiency in French being required, and a general smattering of French, English and German literature is also taught with the aid of books. In spite of the fact that only wealthy girls attend the schools, an atmosphere of comparative simplicity pervades most of them.

At one of the most exclusive in New York, French candies are almost unknown, and there is strict discipline, with very limited spending money, so that the attention of those to be polished may not be diverted from the serious matters In hand. Really, the discipline at this school is so strict that many of the girls, who have been petted and pampered all their lives, soon grow tired of it and abandon the school.

When once a girl becomes accustomed to the discipline of the school, however, she is usually loth to leave. Their food is of the best and is cooked by a French chef. They visit every theatrical attraction worth seeing and occupy a box at the opera almost nightly during the season; this round of gayety being varied during Lent by the organization of sewing classes, where they work for charity. 

Extravagance in dress is also tabooed. Each girl is allowed to have with her just five dresses when she enters in October. These dresses are two high neck evening dresses, two for everyday wear, and one for the street. The street dress must be suitable to wear to matinees and church, while the everyday gowns are worn indoors, except in the evening, when the evening dresses must be donned for dinner. The first step, therefore, is to teach the young women to ignore dress and make it subordinate to manners and accomplishments, which is one of the most difficult things for those not born to the purple to learn. 

As for spending money, no girl is allowed to have a greater allowance than $5 a month, out of which they must pay their car fares and buy pins, ribbons and other trifles. This prevents the eating of too much candy, which would be bad for the complexion. 
                                                                 

At one of the most exclusive in New York, French candies are almost unknown, and there is strict discipline, with very limited spending money, so that the attention of those to be polished may not be diverted from the serious matters In hand. 

The girls occupy separate, well furnished rooms, opening on a general parlor, which is shared by three or four pupils. The course of instruction occupies a year. First, the girl is taught how to walk down stairs, enter a room and say "How do you do?" How to greet an old friend and how to greet strangers; when to rise and when to remain seated; how to enter a carriage and how to alight; the etiquette of a carriage, how to drive, and the like. This work will be sufficient to occupy the first quarter, for it is by no means so simple a thing as it seems. 

During the second quarter is taught the etiquette of dining, how to preside as hostess, how to act as guest; how to enter a dining room with an escort, and the entire art of dining well, either as hostess or guest. A smattering of ceramics, so that the student may be able to critically examine china, is incidental to this course. 

Next comes Instruction in the etiquette of dances and other social functions. She is taught what to wear and how to act under every conceivable circumstance. The last quarter is devoted to the study of fashions in millinery and dresses of the day, together with instructions upon the leading, recent events in society and a thorough knowledge of the names of people who constitute society all the world over. 

When a young woman has completed such a course of training she is able to take her place in any circle. Unless she is naturally very stupid, she knows all there is of polite usage, and if she is very bright, and is backed by family and wealth, she may be a leader of society some day.—San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia