Q & A on Passing Food at the Table

This image is from a 20+ year old newspaper article on Etiquipedia Site Editor Maura J. Graber’s etiquette business, The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. The image was posted to Instagram in March of 2023. The question was regarding the advice in the article.

At Etiquipedia, we often get asked questions via Twitter and Instagram. Once a month, we will post one of our favorite questions we have received on social media, along with the answer. The following was a great question from last week:

Q. I know this is an old post, but I'm curious about the instruction to pass to the right? I have always been taught to pass to the left so you can hold the dish in your left hand and serve yourself with your right hand.

A. Food in Western countries is passed to the right (or counter-clockwise) at the table, unless there are extenuating circumstances. For example, if someone at the table has physical challenges, is too elderly or too young to pass a heavy dish or carafe, it is best to assist in any way possible, especially if this can alleviate any embarrassment or spills. Oftentimes, it is a kindness to offer to someone at one’s left, something like a dinner roll, before taking one and passing the basket on to one’s right. This rule is also flexible if a group is dining in a restaurant booth. The best etiquette rules are all flexible, as they reflect good manners and respect, above all.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Summer Party Etiquette

The Royal Butler, Grant Harrold (pictured), has revealed his insider tips for the perfect royal etiquette for your summer parties.

From a former Royal butler – “…you've been you’ve been using your napkin all wrong!” Insider tips on how to get YOUR summer party etiquette spot on

A summer party doesn’t need to be hard work, even if you choose to include some formal touches. According to butler Grant Harrold, who spent many years with the Royal Household, the basic rules are rather simple.

Did you know there is a specific way to lay your serviettes, for example? Or whether or not you need to hold up your pinky when holding a teacup? These tips and tricks will ensure all guests know exactly where they are now that the summer dining season has arrived.

If you're planning to celebrate this summer, you might want to brush up on your napkin-folding techniques. With years of experience serving the royal family, follow these tips and your party is sure to be a success.

 

1. How to set your napkins

If you're going to be serving food at your summer party, then napkins are a must. The Royal Butler said there's a specific way to lay napkins that is true to royal etiquette.

The first thing to keep in mind is that napkins should be folded in half. But, there's a catch. The crease should face towards the gentleman, and away from the lady.

'This is because ladies traditionally apply lipstick. By folding the napkins in a certain way, they can lift up one corner, dab their lips, and then place the napkin back down to conceal their lipstick stain.'

The napkin crease should face away from the lady so they can lift up one corner, dab their lips and put it down in a way that hides their lipstick stain (stock image)

2. How shall we snack?

'On a royal sofa, bowl foods and canapes are permitted' Grant says. This is great news for bank holiday celebrations, as your guests can enjoy 'picky bits' fit for royalty in true British style.

However, while bowl foods and canapes are a great choice to snack on, the Royal Butler says to make sure you don't make a mess and watch out for any crumbs!

Your guests can enjoy 'picky bits' fit for royalty in true British style according to the Royal Butler.

3. Pinky finger or no pinky finger? That is the question

The tradition of holding out your pinky finger while drinking tea or coffee is a common practice that many people associate with proper etiquette.

However, the Royal Butler sheds light on the true origin of this tradition.

'Holding a pinky is a myth' he says, 'It goes back to the days when cups did not have handles. I tell people who do this that they are not testing the wind direction, they are enjoying a cup of tea or coffee.'

So, no need to hold out your pinky finger while you sip tea over the summer holidays!

There's no need to hold out your pinky finger while you sip tea over the bank holiday (stock)

4. How should guests sit on the sofa?

Sitting on the sofa like a royal is no straightforward task, the Royal Butler says.

'Before sitting down, use your calves to gently touch the front of the sofa. This ensures that you're in the right position to sit down with grace, and also helps to prevent any accidental missteps.

'When sitting down on the sofa, be sure to keep your back straight and your posture upright. Once you're seated, you can raise yourself slightly and push yourself back onto the sofa to achieve a comfortable and relaxed position.

'Try not to cross your legs whilst sitting on the sofa, unless it's a less formal event.

Sitting on the sofa like a royal is no straightforward task, the Royal Butler says.

'If possible, limit the number of people sitting on the sofa to two. As the Royal Butler says, 'two is company, three is a crowd.'

He added: 'When it comes to handbags and accessories, make sure they're not causing any unnecessary clutter. Place handbags on the floor, and if you would like to keep a small bag with you, consider placing it behind your back or on your lap.'

5. What time should guests arrive?

According to the Royal Butler, your guests should arrive at the exact time given. However, in some cases, a delay of up to ten minutes may be acceptable.

'If your guests are going to be any later, they should inform you in advance' says Grant.

According to the Royal Butler, your guests should arrive at the exact time given.

Grant Harrold was talking in partnership with Delcor, the British furniture maker. – From an article in MailOnline.com, July, 2023

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th C. American Business Men

A recommended Man’s Meal, circa 1940 — Thousands of business men dash out to lunch—bad manners are at their worst in the middle of the day—as if they were stopping off at a railroad junction with twenty minutes to catch a train and had used ten of them checking baggage. And they do not always do it because they are in a hurry. They have so thoroughly developed the habit of living in a frenzied rush that even when they have time to spare they cannot slow down.

The biggest hindrance to the establishment of good manners among business men is the everlasting hurry in which they (and all the rest of us) live. There must first of all be leisure, not perhaps to the extent advocated by a delightful literary gentleman of having three hours for lunch every day, but time enough to sit down and relax. Thousands of business men dash out to lunch—bad manners are at their worst in the middle of the day—as if they were stopping off at a railroad junction with twenty minutes to catch a train and had used ten of them checking baggage. And they do not always do it because they are in a hurry. They have so thoroughly developed the habit of living in a frenzied rush that even when they have time to spare they cannot slow down.

Pleasant surroundings are desirable. It is much easier to dine in a quiet spacious room where the linen is white and the china is thin, the silver is genuine silver, and the service is irreproachable, than in a crowded restaurant where thick dishes rattle down on white-tiled tables from the steaming arms of the flurried waitress, where there is no linen, but only flimsy paper napkins (which either go fluttering to the floor or else form themselves into damp wads on the table), where the patrons eat ravenously and untidily, and where the atmosphere is dense with the fumes of soup and cigarettes. But luxury in eating is expensive and most of us must, perforce, go to the white-tiled places. And the art of dining is not a question of what one has to eat—it may be beans or truffles—or where one eats it—from a tin bucket or a mahogany table—it all depends upon how; and the man who can eat in a “hash-house,” an “arm-chair joint,” a “beanerie,” a cafeteria, a three-minute doughnut stand or any of the other quick-lunch places in as mannerly a way as if he were dining in a hotel de luxe has, we think, a pretty fair claim to the title of gentleman. — Nella Henney, “The Book of Business Etiquette,” 1922

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Emily’s “Good Taste” #3

A 1940 letter from Emily Post to a friend. This letter is part of a group of letters from Emily Post to a friend in the 1930’s and 1940’s. This group of letters was acquired for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Museum, scheduled to be opened within the coming 5 years.

Good Taste Today

Part 3

Dear Mrs. Post: After we were married two weeks ago, my husband was presented with a radio by his fellow office workers. They gave it to him at the office and he brought it home. Now he thinks that I should write a note to his boss, thanking every one, whereas I feel that they did not intend this to be a wedding present to me personally. If they had they would have sent the radio to our house, wouldn't they? 

Answer: I think you are perfectly right that it was a present to him individually and that you should not bo expected to thank them. In fact, I think If you wrote a note now it would be like getting up to take a bow to an audience who has applauded your husband's speech. 

⚜️

Dear Mrs. Post: Should people who come to my beauty shop be properly spoken of as customers, clients, patrons or what? And should ladies who come regularly to my shop and whose names I naturally know very well be called Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Brown, or Madam? 

Answer: You speak of your "customers" and you call those whom you know personally by name (i. e., Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Brown) and you call strangers "Madam." – By Emily Post in the San Bernardino Sun, 1939                

         🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Emily Post- “Good Taste Today,” 1939

A typed letter from Emily Post to a friend. This letter is part of a group of letters from Emily Post to a friend in the 1930’s and 1940’s. This group of letters was acquired for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Museum, scheduled to be opened within the coming 5 years.– Property of the Etiquipedia private library

Good Taste Today

Part 2

Dear Mrs. Post: What would be your suggestion for clothes to wear at a club breakfast, which begins at noon and continues with an all-afternoon program? 

Answer: Street-length afternoon dresses would be proper, and hats. 

⚜️

Dear Mrs. Post: My daughter is being graduated this year from high school and she and I had thought it would be nice for me to invite her teachers to tea some day after school. I have never met any of the teachers but I hardly think, under the circumstances, that fact would matter. My mother seems to feel that this gesture would be all right in all the many more friendly smaller communities but that in this big city it would be looked upon by them as presumptuous rather than courteous. We are naturally very much disappointed at mother's criticism of our plan and wondered if she is right about this. 

Answer: To invite teachers who have shown no especial friendliness to your daughter and for whom she has had no especial liking, might seem to them surprising and possibly questionable. But any teachers she has always liked very much, and who would naturally be the ones she would like you to meet, will, I am sure, be delighted to come. She fact that you do not know them personally does not affect the propriety of your writing a note to each one saying that before Mary leaves school it would give you so much pleasure to meet the teachers of whom she has been especially fond, and inviting her to take tea with Mary and you on Friday, at half past four? – By Emily Post in the San Bernardino Sun, 1939                

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Good Taste from Emily Post, Pt 1

Five things you probably didn’t know about Emily Post

Good Taste Today 

Part 1

Dear Mrs. Post: If the host carves and there is no maid at all, how should the vegetables and potatoes be served? Is it bad form to pass serving dishes from one to the other around the table.

Answer: If you help yourself there is, of course, the advantage of taking as much, or as little, as you want. However, there is also the question of hot serving dishes which, in fingers sensitive to heat, have been known to bo dropped! Even if the host serves the vegetables and potatoes as well as the roast, the plates can be filled according to each one's direction, such as: "May I have a rare slice of meat and just one potato, please?" This plan seems to me the simplest. But the only answer is to do what seems to you most practical. 

Dear Miss. Post: I went to a dinner some time ago where there was a guest of honor. After I had found my place at table I sat down, as I always have done. But much to my embarrassment the other ladies stood at their places and waited until the hostess asked them to be seated. I must admit that it took me several courses to regain my composure. The ancient advice of "When in Rome . . ." did not help in this situation, as I had never dined with this particular group of people. They must have thought me extremely rude, and perhaps I was, but I had never run into this display of politeness to the guest of honor. Will you write something about it? 

Answer: As you have said, many communities have customs of their own. Personally I have never heard of this procedure except in boarding schools. According to conventional usage every lady sits down as soon as she is told where to sit, or as soon as she finds her place card. The gentlemen stand at their places until the ladies are seated. In other words, what you did was (according to etiquette) entirely right. – By Emily Post in the San Bernardino Sun, 1939                

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Gilded Age Heiress Not Treated Royally

Public domain image of Gladys Vanderbilt ~Born as Gladys Moore Vanderbilt in 1886, the youngest of 7 children of Alice Claypoole Gwynne and her husband Cornelius Vanderbilt II, the president and chairman of the New York Central Railroad. She grew up in the Vanderbilt family’s Fifth Avenue mansion in New York City and summered at the family’s “cottage” The Breakers in Newport, Rhode Island. ,Consuelo Vanderbilt, Duchess of Marlborough, was her fist cousin. She famously married Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough.

“GLADYS VANDERBILT WILL NOT BE RECEIVED!”

Madame Helene Oswald de Felso-eor, formerly the Baroness Bessan of Hungary, Austria, a connection by marriage of Count Laszlo Szechenyi, whose recent marriage with Miss Gladys Vanderbilt is of international interest, has been a resident of San Francisco for the past twelve months. She relates much that is interesting in regard to the position which the newly made American Countess will occupy at Court.

A sister of Madame Helene de Felso-eor is the wife of Count Shirmay, a cousin of Count Szechenyi's mother. King Franz Joseph is a great stickler of Court etiquette, and so strong is his determination to have none but those of blue blood at his Court that only Kamerers are received at Court functions. The distinction of a Kamerer is only obtained when there has been twelve generations of nobility on both the father's and the mother's side. The Szechenyis have hundreds of years of ancestry, but Miss Vanderbilt being of plebian birth debars her and her children from not only this very high distinction of Kamerer, but also from appearing at the King's Court.

Count Szechenyi's hope is to prevail upon the Pope, when he gives his Papal blessing, to intercede with Emperor William, who is very close to the boys of the Szechenyi home, to bestow a title upon the little American bride. This will enable the issue of the alliance to start a line of ancestry toward Kamerer and put the Countess in a position to be received in the inner circles.

A similar arrangement was made when the Countess Sophie Chotek became the wife of Crown Prince Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary. The King gave the Countess the title of Princess. That her children might inherit the throne, it was necessary that she have a higher title than Countess.

Madame Helene de Felso-eor, who is now an American, maintains that this latest acquisition to the nobility of Europe will never be divorced from her Royal Lord and master. As she says Miss Vanderbilt chose a title bestowed by a man from a country where the wives of noblemen are accorded very different treatment than that meted out to the newly made Countess' less fortunate American sisters. 

In Hungary women are treated with the utmost respect and consideration. The husband never enters the apartments of his wife without rapping on the door, and when bidden to enter always kisses the lady's hand. If she wishes him to kiss her lips she so indicates by raising her head. If she does not give this indication of wanting to be kissed, he simply retires with the salute on the hand. Any slighting remark cast upon the character of a woman in Hungary, if made within hearing of a gentleman, is immediately the cause of a duel.

Hungary is a country where the people have inter-married to such an extent that they die young. Life just goes out. As Madame describes it: "It is, like the puncture of a tire, so sudden." Cousins marry, uncles and nieces, nephews and aunts. It is the second of kin that unite in marriage. First cousins do not marry.

The first son of Hungarian families is the ruler of the household. They extent that they die young. Life just goes out. As Madame describes it: "It is, like the puncture of a tire, so sudden." Cousins marry, uncles and nieces, nephews and aunts. It is the second of kin that unite in marriage. First cousins do not marry. The first son of Hungarian families is the ruler of the household. They have all the distinction, all the money, and give to their brothers and sisters an allowance. Count Szechenyi is the third son and has simply an allowance which enables him to live as a gentleman.

Madame  Felso-eor is the widow of Dr. Laos O. Felso-eor, surgeon of the Hungarian army. Her position remained the same at court as before her marriage, but she had to renounce the title of Baroness when she became the wife of an untitled man. His position was high, being of the army, but he was not received with his titled wife. He died at the age of 32. Had he lived a few years longer– to the age of receiving a pension– Madame Felso-eor would have remained in her own country; but not having the means after her husband's demise to keep up her. position in Court circles, she determined to leave Hungary for Paris. After many years residence in the French capital, she toured the continent. Then she went to New York and from there she came to San Francisco.-San Francisco Bulletin, February, 1908

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Victorian Aesthetic Dress

  

From 1895 Punch cartoon. Gertrude: "My dear Jessie, what on earth is that Bicycle Suit for?"

Jessie: "Why, to wear, of course."

Gertrude: "But you haven't got a Bicycle!"

Jessie: "No; but I've got a Sewing Machine!"

— Public domain image, Wikipedia

 

The Victorian aesthetics seen in clothing also often reflected the worldly state of the British Empire. Women of considerable means wore dresses made from coloured silk from the Far East. In the Victorian era, women who were well-off often didn’t work, and so their clothing wasn’t needed to have much practicality. Instead, tight-fitting corsets and layered petticoats were the standard. Embroidered trim and other fine decorative elements were also reserved for wealthy women. Middle class and working women wore similar styles, although lacking the added decoration and luxurious fabrics.

Over the course of the Victorian era, women’s clothes became more form-fitting. Necklines dropped, with significant ‘v’ shapes becoming popular. Off-shoulder sleeves were also stylish in the mid-1800s. By the turn of the 20th century, the prominent bustles and hoop skirts that had exemplified Victorians were much less popular. Instead, tight dresses with bustles that created more of an hourglass or ‘mermaid’ shape rose to the fore.

Men and women wore significant jewelry throughout the Victorian era. For men, pocket watches, signet rings, tie pins, and cufflinks were commonplace. Brooches were a piece of jewellery that was particularly prominent for Victorians, serving as decoration and practicality. They could be worn as ornamentation on a coat lapel just as easily as they could be used to affix a lady’s hairstyle in place.

Victorian jewellery evolved throughout the period, with changing aesthetics and purposes. Queen Victoria herself was massively influential throughout the British Empire, being the closest thing to an international celebrity at the time. As she grew and her life circumstances changed, so did her taste in jewellery. One prominent theme seen throughout Victorian jewellery pieces is the snake. To Victorians, snakes were seen as a romantic icon, representing an eternal love between two people. Snake jewellery includes men’s jewelry just as much as women’s jewellery pieces—From the AC Silver Site Blog, 2023

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How to Hold Cutlery

Forks and knives are held with the index finger on the backs of the utensil handles. This is how it looks from the underside. Sometimes it is easier to understand how the utensils are properly held by seeing how they fit into the palms of the hands at an angle.

Fork

When it comes to the fork, the prevailing way of holding it is in your left hand, tines facing downward. Use your fork to spear and lift food into your mouth. Place your index finger on the back of the fork, facing the tines, for a firmer grip.

Knife

So you’ve quite literally got to grips with the fork, what about the knife? This, you hold in your right hand with your index finger extended along the blunt side of the blade. When needed, use your knife to cut through food. However, when the dish doesn’t demand a knife, keep it to the right of your plate during the meal.

Spoon

Try to hold your spoon by resting the end of the handle on your middle finger, with your thumb placed gently on top. Specifically, when eating soup, dip the spoon sideways at the nearest edge of the bowl to you, then skim the spoon away from you. This is a good tip for using the spoon, no matter the food you’re eating with it – skim away not towards yourself! — From the AC Silver Site Blog, 2018

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Hungarians Follow British Etiquette

A "League for the Propagation of British Etiquette" has been formed, which is trying to reform some modes of Hungarian intercourse. – Above, Men walking down a nearly deserted wet street and sidewalk in old Budapest. – Photo source, Pinterest

Attempt Being Made to Make Emotional Types Over into Stolid Englishmen

(By Associated Press.) BUDAPEST June 2-Sympathy for England has always been very strong in Hungary, but the last two years it has been approaching anglophobia. Attempts have been made lately to transplant to Hungary the conventionalities of British society. A "League for the Propagation of British Etiquette" has been formed, which is trying to reform some modes of Hungarian intercourse.

The League first concentrated its efforts to abolish the customary shaking of hands and long conversation inevitably following the casual meeting of two persons and to replace it by a simple "How do you do?" With is object the members of the league are strolling the whole day along the streets, yearning for opportunities to instruct the public in the new way of greeting and parting."

When any unsuspecting friend, with the smiling anticipation of a conversation on his face, nears the anglomaniac, stretching out both hand warmly, the member of the league stiffly bows his head cries "How do you do," and hurries away before the thunderstruck individual has time to recover.

"We have done our best for the introduction of this good old English manner of greeting, but with little result," stated Baron John Bornemizza, President of the League. "Somehow short greetings do not agree with our society. I just met a friend. and when passing him, I said ‘How do you do?'

"Would you believe that that man stopped me, clung to my sleeve and with wet eyes expressed his gratitude for my interest in his personal welfare and entered into a detailed description of his ill health.

"At that moment, another member of our league approached, and unsuspicious of any harm said his cheerful 'How do you do? I escaped, leaving the Hungarian clinging to my colleague's sleeve, reciting the same tale from beginning to end.

"No," concluded Baron Bornemizza, "my hopes are not very bright that the short manner of greeting will prove a success in my country."– 1921

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Trousseau Monogram Etiquette

Earlier generations of women worked for years, almost from the time a daughter was born, to prepare the linen against her wedding day; and, obviously, it was impossible to know the groom's last name. – Above, “Mopsy.” Mopsy was a popular comic that started in 1939 and ran for several decades as a syndicated newspaper comic strip.

By the principle that rules the whole wedding tradition, all the bride's linen and silver should be marked, if at all, with her maiden initials. In the matter of the trousseau, there is an even more practical reason for it: Earlier generations of women worked for years, almost from the time a daughter was born, to prepare the linen against her wedding day; and, obviously, it was impossible to know the groom's last name. Cynics have suggested a modern reason, too— the eventuality of divorce— but anyone who marks a trousseau with this in mind should clearly not be getting married. — From Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Chauffeur Attire

The color of your chauffeur’s clothing depends, traditionally, on the “family” color, which is used also for the footman's liveries. The liveries and the automobile are often the same color.

Clothes for a Chauffeur

Note: Like other male members of the staff, the chauffeur should be clean-shaven.

The most formally dressed chauffeur wears breeches, cut very like riding breeches, high-laced shoes with leggings or puttees; and a coat that buttons high up under his chin like U. S. Army uniforms in the first World War; and, always, black leather gloves. The edge of a stiff white collar should be just visible above the collar of the livery. This used to be called the "French livery"; another version had a high V-neck and was worn with a plain black four in hand tie. Winter liveries are made of wool, usually in black, maroon, dark blue or bottle-green.

The color depends, traditionally, on the "family" color, which is used also for the footman's liveries. The liveries and the automobile are often the same color. Over the livery, in very cold weather, there is a long, double-breasted overcoat of the same material, which often has a fur collar, usually astrakhan. In summer, the chauffeur wears a livery cut in the same way as the winter livery but made of black or dark-gray alpaca. All liveries and overcoats have plain buttons of the same color as the cloth, or silver buttons which can be embossed with the family crest. 

A chauffeur's cap, in the same material and in the same color as the livery, with a patent-leather visor, completes the costume. If there is a footman, who sits in front next to the chauffeur, he is dressed exactly like him.— From Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948

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Fork History: From France to the U.S.

An individual Gorham, Chantilly pattern “bird set” for carving duck, quail or Cornish game hen-sized, individual birds. – Writing in Harper's New Monthly Magazine in 1868, James Parton explained: “From spoons, Jabez Gorham advanced to fruit knives, butter knives, thimbles, napkin rings and combs– the only articles commonly made by American silversmiths thirty years ago. Silver forks were then scarcely known in the United States. They had been an article of luxury among the nobility of France for a century or more, and had been introduced from that country into England; but in the United States, as recently as 1835, their use was confined to persons who possessed considerable wealth.

When Charles Lutwidge Dodson, under his pseudonym of Lewis Carroll, wrote the line, "They pursued it with forks and hope," he attributed it to the mild-mannered baker who was hunting the Snark to serve with greens. He might well have used the same line to describe the plight of many guests at contemporary Victorian dinners, where stern, social orthodoxy decreed that "a knife or spoon is never used when a fork will suffice." Judged by the controversy that raged through the press of the time, many of the guests relied more on hope than on the implement as they pursued ice cream, berries, and other elusive foods with the correct but ill-adapted fork.

But the arbiters of fashion were not alone responsible for the changing patterns of etiquette that brought a bewildering array of forks and spoons and knives to the late Victorian table; changing patterns of eating and entertaining, rapidly altering economic and social conditions, even an increasing abundance and availability of many foods, contributed to the new concept of the art of dining.

At the beginning of the Victorian period, silver services were comparatively simple, as was serving at the table. In the section devoted to "Furniture of the Table" in The American Chesterfield, published in 1828 in Philadelphia by John Grigg, the following extract describes table setting in a fashionable house:

• Every person at table should be provided with knife and fork, plate, bread, etc… and, before every meat dish, a carving knife, fork and spoon; and a spoon before every dish of vegetables. 
• At the corners of the table, spoons, a salt cellar, and small spoon for the salt; and, if pickles are there placed, a small knife and fork. 
• If the table is large, the furniture of the corners should likewise be placed at short and convenient intervals. It has lately become common, in our Atlantic towns, and particularly at tables where light wines are used with water as a long drink, to place, at convenient distances around the table, bottles of Sauterne, Claret or other light wine (the corks slightly drawn and inserted slightly in the bottle) and goblets of water. 
• This is found, by experience, to be an admirable arrangement for convenience, and gives the waiters more time to attend, among other duties, to the frequent changes of plates which modern refinement has introduced.
• On the sideboard should be arranged, in order, all those articles of furniture which are necessary for the tableThese are, the great supplies of knives and forks, plates of different sizes, spoons, bread, etc…, etc… but, in a particular manner, the castors. 
• These should always consist of five bottles, at least; viz; cayenne pepper, black pepper, mustard, vinegar and sweet oil. Let the castors be filled -not half filled-with condiments of good quality, that is, the sweet oil not rancid, nor the vinegar sweet, nor the pepper in grains like hailstones, nor the mustard stale; and one word more, madame, before we dismiss the castors-a little spoon for the mustard, though it be of wood-and-and-remember the salt spoons.

After a word of caution regarding industry among servants, and a discussion of the rules of waiting, The American Chesterfield continues:

• If there is soup for dinner, according to the number of the company, lay each person a flat plate, and a soup plate over it; a napkin, fork, knife and spoon; and to place the chairs. If there is no soup, the soup plate may be omitted.

There can be no doubt that The American Chesterfield was directed toward the sons of American families of established wealth and position; that is made clear by the references to forks in the table settings. Writing in Harper's New Monthly Magazine in 1868, James Parton explained:

“From spoons, Jabez Gorham advanced to fruit knives, butter knives, thimbles, napkin rings and combs– the only articles commonly made by American silversmiths thirty years ago. Silver forks were then scarcely known in the United States. They had been an article of luxury among the nobility of France for a century or more, and had been introduced from that country into England; but in the United States, as recently as 1835, their use was confined to persons who possessed considerable wealth. They were not common at that time in any but the best hotels, and not one person in ten had ever seen them used.” — American Silver Flatware… 1837-1910, Noel D. Turner

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Brief History on Youth or Tea Utensils

Were this knife and fork for a child? Or for tea? – “As the family service increased in complexity, these smaller versions of the knife, the fork, and the spoon sometimes assumed dual roles in the catalogs and price lists of the silver firms, for, with no additional investment in dies, a separate listing enabled the manufacturer to increase the number of pieces he offered. Thus the child-size spoon was sometimes listed also as a "Five o'Clock Tea," an "Egg Spoon," Or an "English Tea"; the child's fork as a "Tea Fork," "Beef Fork," or "Fruit Fork"; and the knife with a flat, solid handle as a "Tea Knife" as well as a juvenile piece.”

"Every man was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth" has been a common explanation for uneven economic progress ever since Miguel de Cervantes wrote the line in Don Quixote in the 15th century, but it was left to the mid-Victorian silver manufacturers to reduce the statement to a mathematical formula. In an advertisement featuring Sterling Birthday Spoons, addressed to the jewelry trade at the turn of the century, R. Wallace & Son pointed out that "6000 babies are born each day-15% get silver spoons at birth." 

Silverware for children was not new to America; in a will dated April 18, 1726, the Reverend Timothy Stevens of Glastonbury, Connecticut, bequeathed "...to my son Joseph . .. three silver spoons, one of them to be a small or babe spoon, as it is called," and to his son Benjamin, among other things, three silver spoons, one of them to be a child's spoon.

"But it was only after the mid-1800s that plated and solid silver became common for the perambulator-to-prep-school set. Practically every manufacturer has made "Child's Sets" in all of the standard silverware patterns. Consisting, at first, of a small knife, fork, and spoon, the sets were available in almost every price range after the late 1860s. Some were elaborately packaged in satin-lined boxes; the less expensive plated sets were often mounted on lithographed cards, the cards themselves rivaling early Valentines in elaborate depictions of decorous childhood.

By the 1880s, a cup or mug, and a matching napkin ring, had been added to many of these sets, and it was an under-privileged child who had not received his own silverware by the time he joined the rest of the family at the dinner table. As the family service increased in complexity, these smaller versions of the knife, the fork, and the spoon sometimes assumed dual roles in the catalogs and price lists of the silver firms, for, with no additional investment in dies, a separate listing enabled the manufacturer to increase the number of pieces he offered. Thus the child-size spoon was sometimes listed also as a "Five o'Clock Tea," an "Egg Spoon," Or an "English Tea"; the child's fork as a "Tea Fork," "Beef Fork," or "Fruit Fork"; and the knife with a flat, solid handle as a "Tea Knife" as well as a juvenile piece. 

In the electroplated lines of better quality, a choice of a solid-handle knife or one with a hollow handle was usually offered; in the solid-silver lines, the hollow-handle knife was generally standard, although sets in which a flat-handled knife was mated with a small fork and spoon were offered by some companies. – American Silver Flatware 1837-1910, Noel D. Turner

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Albert I to Visit U.S.

The current reigning Monarch,  Prince Albert II of Monaco – Image source, Pinterest 

Will Be First Visit From Reigning European Ruler

NEW YORK, Aug. 30. That these United States are about to enjoy for the very first time in all their history the honor of a visit from a real reigning European sovereign is promised or threatened by the proposed landing here in the near future of Albert I, Sovereign Prince of Monaco and overlord world-famed and world-fed gambling resort Monte Carlo. Hitherto, we have had to content ourselves, so far as ruling Royalty is concerned, with the privilege of welcoming the late Emperor Dom Pedro of Brazil in 1876, and some years later Kalakaua, the King of the Sandwich Islands. 

It was during the life and reign of Queen Victoria that King Edward VII, then the Prince of Wales, made his memorable Another report, most interesting in this connection, is that King George and Queen Mary are contemplating a trip to Washington and New York before returning home from their tour of Canada next year. Already in official and social circles discussion has begun as to the honors due these distinguished guests will be and the etiquette that will befit the occasions, there being no precedent whatever for guidance. It is safe to assume, however, that his exalted rank will insure Albert I of Monaco against too critical examination by the immigration authorities as to his gambling connections and the summary deportation that might otherwise befall him.—Special to the Mercury-Herald. 1913

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Doings of 1892

Khedive was the title of the viceroy of Egypt under Turkish rule 1867–1914. — Public domain image of Ismāíl Pasha, Khedive in 1892

AROUND THE THRONES

For forty days after a Khedive's death food is served, with coffee and cigarettes. to all who visit the tomb.

The Prince of Monaco, of Monte Carlo fame, has been chosen to succeed the late Dom Pedro as a foreign associate of the French Academy of Science.

In accordance with Chinese etiquette all business of state requiring the Emperor's attention is transacted between the hours of 2 in the morning and 6.

An English governess is hereafter to educate the daughters of the King of Siam, and she will be rewarded therefor with a salary of £700 a year and a residence in the royal palace.

King Carlos has renounced 20 per cent. of his civil list, which amounts to 435,000 milreis per annum, in order to assist in the restoration of the embarrassed finances of the nation.

Max Alvary, the tenor who was so successful in "Siegfried" in New York that all the young women fell in love with his arms, has sung in "Tannhauser" twenty times at Hamburg this season, and is to sing the same role at Konigsberg. The Elizabeth will be Therese Malten, the famous dramatic soprano. — Enterprise, Volume III, 1892

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Mayflower Meals and Manners

Sometimes it was better not to look. Rats and cockroaches were all over. Little insects—weevils, maggots, and grubs— chewed tunnels into the ship's biscuits. Some of the Pilgrims preferred to eat at night. In the dark, they couldn't see the bugs crawling on their food.

For sixty or sixty-six days the Pilgrims sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. The wind howled. The waves crashed against the sides of the little, crowded wooden boat. It was al- ways noisy. Inside the boat, people moaned, coughed, and shouted to make themselves heard against the roar of the wind and the creaking of the sails.

They were always cold and wet. Spray from the big ocean waves soaked everything on deck. Soon their clothes became stiff with salt left by the seawater.

There were a hundred and two passengers. Most of them slept crowded together in the main cabin. The ceiling was low. Anyone over five feet tall had to walk bent over.

Each person had only a tiny space in which to sleep, prepare food, eat, wash, and pile all his or her belongings. And everyone had tried to bring enough things to last a lifetime!

Blankets, rugs, pillows, quilts, sheets, furniture, boxes of clothes and linens, dishes, tools, guns, armor, cradles, pots, pans, and special keepsakes were piled up to the ceiling. The cabin was jammed!

It was hard for anyone even to move in there. And it smelled terrible. Hardly anybody washed— there wasn't enough fresh water. And even people who their hands and faces didn't wash their clothes. Most people never changed at all. They wore the same clothes for the whole trip.

The Saints and Strangers scratched and scratched, because lice and fleas lived in everyone's clothes and hair. There was no way to get rid of them.

Besides human beings and bugs, the Mayflower carried other passengers. Live rabbits, chickens, geese, and ducks were kept in a rowboat that was lashed to the deck.

There were also pigs, goats, and sheep on board. But no one got to eat them. The settlers hoped that these few animals would become the parents of large flocks and herds in America.

What did the Pilgrims eat during their long voyage? Most of the food on the Mayflower was cold and dry. There were moldy cheese and dried peas. Salty beef and dried fish.

And there were ship's biscuits-as hard as rocks. Hundreds of these biscuits had been carried onto the boat before it sailed. They were stacked in huge piles.

Ship's biscuits were made of wheat flour, pea flour, and water. They were flat and round, the size of dinner plates.

The stale biscuits were almost impossible to chew. But somehow people sucked and nibbled them down.

Cheese was different. It didn't get as hard as the biscuits. Instead, the cheese quickly turned green and moldy.

Dried peas were stored in sacks so the mice and rats that dashed all over the ship wouldn't eat them. The settlers ate some of the peas on board, saving the rest to eat when they got to America.

There were also sacks of turnips, parsnips, onions, and cabbages. Vegetables kept pretty well. They just got a little hard on the outside and a little soft on the inside.

Some days the Pilgrims ate smoked herring or dried, salted codfish. Other days they had pork or beef. Because fresh meat would have spoiled quickly, the Pilgrims' meat was preserved in salt and packed in barrels.

One of their favorite meats was neat's tongue— the tongue of an ox. They brought big boxes of dried ox tongues to eat on the trip.

Other boxes held spices— ginger, cinnamon, mace, cloves, nutmeg, and green ginger. These were very expensive, but the Pilgrims loved spicy food. And spices could cover up the bad taste of food that had begun to rot.

To wash down their salty, spicy meals, the Pilgrims drank beer, ale, wine, and even gin and brandy. They hated water. Even children drank beer.

Everyone on the Mayflower needed to drink often. When a family crouched around its mattress at meal-time, it was usually looking at cold, dry, salty food.

But sometimes it was better not to look. Rats and cockroaches were all over. Little insects—weevils, maggots, and grubs— chewed tunnels into the ship's biscuits.

Some of the Pilgrims preferred to eat at night. In the dark, they couldn't see the bugs crawling on their food.

Once in a while, each family got a treat: the chance to cook a hot dinner. Cooking usually wasn't allowed on the Mayflower. A stray spark could start a fire that might burn whole ship. up the

But there were three small, iron boxes filled with sand for people to cook in. These were called fire-boxes. The settlers took turns using them.

Sometimes they made labscouse— a thick soup of dried peas mixed with water and chunks of salty beef. The hot soup tasted delicious. And you could dip your hard biscuit into the soup to soften it. Little fat dumplings, called doughboys, were made by frying bits of wet flour in pork fat.

A real treat was burgoo-hot oatmeal and mo- lasses. Another was plum duff. Duff was a fatty pud- ding. Plum duff had raisins or dried prunes mixed in.

Hot food was special. Aboard the Mayflower, nobody had it often. Usually the Pilgrims ate cold, dry, buggy meals, drank beer, and dreamed of how well they would eat when they finally reached America, the land of plenty. — From "Eating the Plates" by L.R. Penner

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monaco: Elaborate Etiquette and Vice

Prince Albert I of Monaco, circa 1910
–Public domain image

 I wish I had leisure to speak at length of this astonishing state, smaller than a French village, but where one finds an absolute Sovereign, bishops, an army Jesuits and divinity students more numerous than that of the Prince, an artillery the ordnance of which is almost rifled, an etiquette more elaborate than that of the late Louis XIV, principle government more despotic than those of William of Prussia, and, in addition to all this, a magnificent toleration for the vices of humanity.

On the other hand, let us salute this virtuous peacefully disposed King, with fearing neither invasions nor revolutions, rules tranquilly over his happy little people in the midst of a court ceremonial, in which is preserved intact the tradition of four reverences, 26 hand kissings and all the forms observed in a bygone era in the presence of great rulers. This Monarch, above everything neither bloodthirsty nor revenge and when he banishes-for he does banish-the sentence is carried out with infinite tact.

Is it necessary to produce proofs of this? A pigheaded gambler, after a day of bad luck, insulted the sovereign. He was expelled from the country by Royal decree. For a month he roamed around the forbidden paradise, fearing the flaming sword of the archangel in the shape gendarme's saber. Finally he one plucked up courage, crossed the frontier, gained in 30 seconds the heart of the country and entered the Casino. But suddenly an official stopped him. "Were you not banished, monsieur?" "Certainly I was, but I am going back by the next train. " "Oh, in that case it is all right. You can enter, monsieur." And every week he returned, and on each occasion the same official put to him the same question, which he answered in the same fashion. But a few years ago a serious and entirely novel case arose in the principality. A murder had been committed.

A man, a native of Monaco, not one of the transient strangers of whom one meets legions, but a married man, in a moment of passion had killed his wife. He had killed her without reason,
without any extenuating circumstances. This opinion was unanimous throughout the whole principality. The supreme court met to judge this exceptional case, for never before had murder been committed, and the wretch was condemned to death. The outraged sovereign signed the death warrant.

It only remained to execute the criminal. But here a difficulty presented itself. The country possessed neither executioner nor guillotine. What was to be done? On the advice of the foreign minister, the Prince entered into negotiations with the French government to obtain the loan of a remover of heads and his apparatus. Long deliberations in the ministerial office at Paris. Finally they replied and forwarded a minute of expenses for moving the guillotine and for the services of the expert. The total was 16,000 francs.

"His Majesty of Monaco thought that the affair was going to cost him pretty dear; the murderer assuredly was not worth so much money. Sixteen thousand francs for the neck of a rascal! The devil! He then preferred the same request– to the Italian government. A King, a brother in Royalty, would doubtless not prove such a hard bargainer as a republic. The Italian government sent a minute of expenses which amounted to 12,000 francs.

Twelve thousand francs! Why, it would be necessary to impose a new tax, a tax of 2 francs a head on the inhabitants. That would be enough to stir up unknown troubles in the state. He contemplated decapitating the ruffian by an ordinary soldier. But the general, on being consulted, was doubtful whether any of his men had had sufficient sword practice to acquit themselves satisfactorily of a task demanding great experience in handling the weapon.

So the Prince again convened the supreme court and submitted to them this embarrassing position of affairs. The court sat a long time without discovering any practical solution. At last the president suggested commuting the death sentence into one of imprisonment for life, and the suggestion was adopted. But they had no prison. It was necessary to improvise one. A jailer was also commissioned who took charge of the prisoner.

For six months everything went well. The convict slept all day on a mattress in his hut, and his guard did the same on a chair just beside the door facing, the passersby. But the Prince is economical- it is his least fault- and requires the details of the smallest expenditures incurred throughout his dominions. Among these were placed before him the items of the disbursements relating to the creation of a new office, the maintenance of the prison, prisoner and jailer. The outlay on the last was a heavy drain on the Royal purse. His face lengthened visibly, and when he considered it might last forever, for the condemned man was still young, he insisted on his minister of justice taking measures to suppress this expense."

The minister held a consultation with the president of the tribunal, and the two agreed that the office of jailer might be abolished. The prisoner, required to guard himself all alone, would not fail to escape, and this would solve the question to the satisfaction of all. The jailer was thereupon sent back to his family, and one of the under cooks of the palace was simply required to carry, morning and evening, food to the prisoner. But that gentleman made no attempt to recover his liberty.

One day indeed when they had failed to provide him with nourishment he coolly presented himself to claim it, and henceforth it was his custom, in order to save the cook a journey, to come at meal hours and eat with the servants of the palace, with whom he had become friendly. After breakfast he would take a stroll as far as Monte Carlo. Occasionally he would enter the Casino and risk a few francs at play. When he won, he would treat himself to a good dinner at one of the leading hotels, then he would return to his prison and carefully lock the door from the inside. He never slept out a single night.

The situation was becoming difficult, not for the condemned man, but for his judges. Once more the court assembled, and it was decided that they should invite the criminal to depart from the states of Monaco. On this decision being communicated to him he merely replied: "I perceive you are joking. Come, now. Why should I go away, I, indeed? I have no means of living. I have no longer any family. What do you wish me to do? I was condemned to death. You didn't execute me. I said nothing. Then I was condemned to imprisonment for life and handed over to a jailer. You deprived me of my jailer. Still I said nothing. "Now you ask me to get out of the country. No, thank you. I am a prisoner, your prisoner, judged and condemned by you. I am carrying out my punishment faithfully. Here I stop."

The supreme court was dumfounded. The Prince flew into a terrible rage and ordered them to act. They applied themselves diligently to deliberating. The outcome was it was decided they should offer the prisoner a pension of 600 francs a year to live in another country. He accepted. He has bought a little inclosed plot of land within five minutes' walk of the realm of his former Sovereign; he lives happily on his estate, cultivating a few vegetables and holding potentates in contempt.-From the French of Guy de Maupassant in Romance, 1895

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia