Phone Etiquette for Teens

Back in the mid-1960’s, Sally Field’s boy-crazy, surfer-girl “Gidget,” seemed to spend more time on her pink Princess phone, than she did in the ocean. If memory serves, Gidget’s phone manners could teach teens a thing or two today.

Miss Debb Gives Sound Advice to Teens in 1964 

Q. How do you handle a phone call gracefully, if a boy calls when you're entertaining another date? What if you like the guy on the phone better than the one in the living room? 

A. No matter who you like best, it’s a matter of basic dating manners not to chat on the phone when you have a guest. When the phone rings, be brief. Tell him you have a guest and can talk only a minute. 

And remember—the same principle holds if that guest is a girl friend. – Madera Tribune, 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Retro Etiquette and Single Gals

“No one should criticize young women whose circumstances force them to live alone for making a natural and pleasant background for themselves. It would be absurd to shut them up and forbid them the usual social intercourse.” 

“Anne Gives Advice on Etiquette”

Madam– Two young business women, between twenty-two and twenty-five years old, who live together in an apartment, have been criticized by friends and contemporaries of their parents for receiving their men friends in this apartment and having men call there to take them out. Their callers never stay late and their conduct is at all times above reproach. Will you be good enough to tell me if this criticism is justified? Does not social convention today permit girls in business, who are forced to live alone, the independence of action which they would have if living with their parents? Death has deprived these girls of the natural protection of their parents and of means to invite an older woman to live with them. They have stood upon their own feet in the face of such devastating losses, and in such a wonderful way, that any criticism, which is unjust, seems cruel. Must girls who are forced to live alone, forego the natural social joys and contacts which they would have in their parent's home? – "H. R." 

Modern convention is much more open-minded than the friends of the girl’s parents. No one should criticize young women whose circumstances force them to live alone for making a natural and pleasant background for themselves. It would be absurd to shut them up and forbid them the usual social intercourse. Of course, their men friends should be allowed to call on them at their apartment and take them out whenever the occasion suggests it. Nobody goes out of the way, nowadays, to suspect evil: that is entirely out of date, thank goodness. Girls in business, supporting themselves and living in the simple decorous manner outlined by you, should be helped in every way to make a happy surrounding. – By Anne Singleton, 1930

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

An Agony Aunt's Etiquette

In the spring of 1898, Marie Manning was sitting in the "hen coop" (slang for 'women's department') of the New York Evening Journal when her editor walked in with three letters from readers seeking personal advice. Would Ms. Manning have any use for such letters on the women's page? Ms. Manning would, and she started an advice column, under the nom de plume, " Miss Fairfax." 

The Girl Who Drinks And Smokes? "This Question Is Not One of Propriety," Says Miss Fairfax, but "One of Common Sense"

LIZETTE writes me: "Do you think it is proper or if it displays courtesy and kindness on the part of a young lady to light a gentleman's cigarette and pour out beer from a bottle into his glass at a public place?" 

It is not a matter of propriety, my dear Lizette. Like many young girls, you do not observe the different shade in the meaning of a word. If this is a question of propriety, then suicide becomes solely a matter of etiquette, and a query if it is "good form" for a girl to pour kerosene over her clothes and set them on fire is not a misuse of the English language. 

Neither will you find in any authority on the origin, derivation and meaning of words sanction for the words "courtesy" and "kindness" as you use them. They are gentle, well bred words and to apply them to such acts as lighting a man's cigarette and pouring out his beer in public places is like planting a violet in a bed of poison ivy. Neither would a "lady" show such attention to a "gentleman" in any place, public or private. But these words have been so universally abused that they have sunk to a low rank, and your use of them is not a misuse. 

Let me write your question as it should be written: "Do you think it is vulgar or if it displays recklessness and a spirit of indecency on the part of a woman to light a man's cigarette and pour out beer from a bottle Into his glass when at a public place?" I certainly do! I think she lights more than a cigarette and she pours out more than beer. She applies a match to her good name. She is starting a fire that will consume her future, leave little of the past which should have spoken well for her and that will die with nothing to show for her life but the cold ashes of shame and regret. She is pouring out humiliation, despair, sin, poverty, loneliness, grief, isolation from all that respectability holds dear, and a bitterness that will eat out her heart and soul. She is committing moral suicide, a crime too serious to be guised as "courtesy" and "kindness." 

My dear Lizette, any young woman who drinks intoxicating liquors with a man at public places demeans herself, and this is just as true if the drink is taken in a public place reeking with wealth or a cheap corner saloon reeking with the ill odors of tobacco and filth. The costly champagne glass has no higher moral tone than the poorest beer glass. 

There is no aristocracy of place that will sanction such an act. No man with brains in his head smokes cigarettes, for if he has the brains and smokes cigarettes, he will not have the brains long. No man with respect for a young woman will drink beer and smoke cigarettes at a public table in her presence. It may be the custom in some countries, but it will never be a custom here with those who reverence the decencies.

A woman who will do that which you ask, is "proper" encourages a man to be disrespectful of all women, a disrespect that will grow in a very short time into contempt for the woman who inspired it. She sanctions his ill breeding, and slips down into something worse In doing it. 

Such a situation as you picture will never be the experience of the girl who respects herself. For never, under any circumstances, would she sit at a table in a public place with a man who drinks beer and smokes cigarettes, and consequently she never would meet the problem in "etiquette" that you submit for solution. – San Francisco Call, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Advice for Lovelorn

"... there are so many faults about his table manners that I would have to criticise everything, it seems."

Etiquette Advice for the Lovelorn and Unmannerly

"I am going with a young man who is very good to me and has a very good character, but he is very self conscious and twists his hands in such a peculiar manner when he thinks anyone is watching him, and stands all humped over and awkward. It embarrasses me terribly when in company. He also has very bad table manners. 

He leaves his spoon in his cup when he drinks and stoops over his food instead of bringing the food up gracefully to mouth. These things are embarrassing to me and I get so provoked I don't know what to do. I have suggested that he take his spoon out of the cup when drinking and it hurt his feelings frightfully, I believe. But there are so many faults about his table manners that I would have to criticise everything, it seems. 

Won’t you kindly tell me what to do, because he is all right other ways and is more moral than the average boy. I  don't want to contend with his bad manners, as I myself have been taught table etiquette and notice details." —From "C. P."

"A man’s morals are of infinitely more importance to a woman than his table manners or the way he carries himself in company. For the sake of his good morals you should be willing to be patient and long suffering on the score of more trlviaf matters. No man likes to be nagged—and no woman ought to be willing to develop into a hen-pecking wife. 

I am firmly convinced that an attitude of unkind superiority and criticism over personalities, such as leaving a spoon in a cup or twisting hands from embarrassment breaks up many a home and wrecks many lives. If you feel your knowledge, of table etiquette is so fine that it will prevent a daily exercise of tact and kindness toward this man, you had better give him up. You will, however, be making a mistake. 

Try to forget your own good manners—they aren’t really good, you know, or you would not have criticized him. but would have influenced him by tact and indirect methods. Remember how finehe is in the things that really count, and leave to time, patience and affection, the smaller task of helping him to more polished manners." — by Beatrice Fairfax, in the Los Angeles Herald, 1917

Mobile Etiquette and the Global LOL

Cheezburger Network's Ben Huh says, "'LOL' is a part of everyday life. It's a polite way of acknowledging someone."

They say that laughter is the best medicine, but do you know how it is done via text, email or tweet around the world? 

Believe it or not, LOL is now considered a word, according to the Oxford English Dictionary's principal editor for new words. Cheezburger Network's Ben Huh says, "'LOL' is a part of everyday life. It's a polite way of acknowledging someone."

Listed below you'll find a few ways in which LOL is written in other countries and languages:

"MDR" is the French language version, from "mort de rire". Roughly translated "dying of laughter."

And "חחח/ההה" is the Hebrew LOL language version. "ח" is pronounced 'kh' & "ה" is pronounced 'h'. Putting them together makes "khakhakha."

555 is the Thai language variation of LOL. "5" in Thai is pronounced "ha", so three of them are "hahaha."

"ASG" is the Swedish language's LOL. It is an abbreviation of the term Asgarv, meaning "intense laughter."

"MKM" is the Afghan language's LOL. An abbreviation of the Dari phrase "ma khanda mikonom", which means "I am laughing."
   

It's not polite to talk on your mobile in the cinema, in any language, and some mobile apps will remind you of this fact, as you learn a new language.

Which dating mistakes do YOU make? From using the word LOL to sending too many kisses, a new study reveals the biggest tech turn offs

• Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text was named the top turn off
• Answering the phone at dinner or in the cinema also made the list
• People in the south west of the UK were found to be the neediest partners
• While the Welsh were the most patient or 'hard to get' in the early stages

Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text message has been revealed as the top turn off in romantic phone etiquette.

Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text message has been revealed as the top turn off in romantic phone etiquette.

Whether it’s a new romance or a long-term relationship, sending fewer kisses in a text than a partner is considered impolite and a brush off.

Answering the phone at dinner, and having it switched on in the cinema were also included in the list, alongside texting after 11pm, resending the same text if no response is received, and emailing pointless small talk.

Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text message has been revealed as the top turn off in romantic phone etiquette. Answering the phone at dinner and using it in the cinema also made the list

The study, compiled by TalkTalk Mobile, found that over half of British men believe it is acceptable to end a relationship over text, whereas 62 per cent of women think that only face-to-face break ups are acceptable.

EXPERT TIPS FOR PHONE DATING

Do

• Keep flirting to text - don’t try and pull it off on a call.
• Turn off your phone when you’re out for a meal or at the cinema and give dates your full attention.
• Give your friend your phone when tempted to drunk call or text.
• Reply to texts within a couple of hours.
• Text a partner good morning and goodnight.

Don’t

• Finish a relationship by text.
• Resend the same text if you haven’t had a response yet.
• Text unnecessary small talk, like ‘Hey howz u’ or more than two texts without a reply – it looks needy.
• Use acronyms like LOL, K, G2G.
• Put more or fewer kisses than the other person.

The findings were uncovered as part of a study of 1,000 Britons.

Overuse of acronyms, such as LOL, were cited as one of the most common reasons a partner may lose interest, as they make the sender seem overly keen or too needy.

Good text etiquette was found to include texting a lover good night, replying to messages within two hours and asking questions to stimulate conversation.

While over three quarters of people believe they have good mobile relationship manners, four in ten people have completely misinterpreted a poorly written text - and sarcasm is the most common pitfall.

Overuse of acronyms such as LOL were cited as one of the most common reasons that a partner may lose interest, as they make the sender seem overly keen or too needy. Resending the same text if no response is received, or pestering for a response (pictured) were also deemed annoying

Dan Meader of TalkTalk Mobile, told MailOnline: ‘[Our] work with Debretts means that we’re able to go one step further towards helping out Britain’s daters mind their manners.'

‘Nearly 70 per cent of us know someone with bad phone manners - although only a fifth of us thought our own phone manners may be in need of improvement - so our top tips aim to help people weave their way through the web that is modern phone etiquette.’

Jo Bryant, etiquette expert at Debretts, added: ‘Mobile phones allow us to communicate instantly, with ease and spontaneity, but as the TalkTalk Mobile survey results show, consideration for others is essential for good mobile phone manners.’

An update since this was posted ~ After I tweeted about this article, I received this tweet below, in response  

Thanks again to @ChetnaImage for bringing us "kheekhee"

A former etiquette class assistant, Kelsey, read the post and tells us her relatives in Mexico text "jajaja" instead of "LOL" We're adding that to the list. Thanks, Kelsey!

Main article by Sarah Griffiths, Jun 2014 for Daily Mail