Etiquette and Gifts

“So it happens every year — Always has as yet — Such a lot of things we want. And so few we get. Always happens, always will; Don't know who’s to blame. Wish you all a very Merry Christmas, just the same.”

I'LL change that to "Hope you all have had a very merry Christmas just the same" and make it my day after Christmas wish for you people. I also have a few days' after Christmas thoughts for you. Trust you didn't work so hard and get so tired and fussed over the holiday and that all you want to do is to forget the whole thing. If you did you'd better stop here. I've given you fair warning.

In the first place, why isn't it a crackerjack idea to notice what people say they wished they'd have given them and jot it down for next year's use? Just now it doesn't seem possible that there is another Christmas coming, but truly there is, and one when you will be quite as glad to know just the right thing to give folks as you would have been this year.

Another thing —if it doesn't seem to you now as if you would ever forget what you gave each friend, but unless you jot down a list, just as sure as next Christmas comes 'round, you will be wondering whether it was to Louise or Mary you gave the hatpin, and whether it was Eleanor or Katherine you presented with a lace jabot. Why, it won't take you 10 minutes to jot down a memorandum of your Christmas giving. Do it on the train or trolley car— do it in the time you wait for the potatoes to boil, but anyhow you do it — do it now.

Wonder if there are many people who dislike as vigorously as I do the expressions "I think I fared well." "I think you did finely," as applied to Christmas giving. I know there must be a good many people who don't, by the frequency with which I hear these or similar expressions used. Seems to me it is a terrible testimony to the commercial spirit we are allowing to infest our Christmas. Try not to think things like these. Try not to say them, and above all be sure not to say them before children.

Speaking of this matter, what do you suppose I heard yesterday afternoon? Two children boasting to each other about the sum total of the value of the gifts they had received. One reckoned the love of her friends and relatives at $25. The other boasted of $32 worth of affection. Wasn't that unpleasant? What were their mothers thinking of?

Just one thing more — I have been asked if it is necessary to acknowledge Christmas cards. That, like so many similar etiquette questions, can be answered in just four words — "Not necessary but courteous." – Ruth Cameron, 1910

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Japanese Courtesy

There are honorific terms of varying significance to be applied to people of every rank, to objects possessed by a superior and to articles of dress and food belonging to another. There are, on the other hand, humble terms to be used on one's self, or of one's own family, when addressing outsiders. 

The Language of Courtesy

Nothing more truly shows the courtesies and formalities of the nation than the language itself. Innumerable phrases with many and delicate shades of meaning abound for every act. There are honorific terms of varying significance to be applied to people of every rank, to objects possessed by a superior and to articles of dress and food belonging to another. There are, on the other hand, humble terms to be used on one's self, or of one's own family, when addressing outsiders. 

One does not eat or dress or go about or perform  many acts in the same word as another. A man speaks of his own wife, using an entirely different word from that which he would use for the wife of a third person, and this again may be a different and less polite word than the term he would use for the wife of the person addressed. 

The language may be roughly divided into three divisions —the language to superiors, the language to equals and the language to inferiors—but it is, of course, a delicate matter on many occasions to decide in which language to speak, whether to use all the honorable prefixes and long terminations, or to cut every sentence off short, as in the language to inferiors. 

The general rule in most cases is that in speaking to equals one employs, for courtesy's sake, the language for superiors, and to certain inferiors, such as servants of other people, to workmen and tradesmen, the language of equals, while the rougher and less polite language is rarely used except to one's own servants, and very frequently by ladies not at all.

It is impossible to go into the details of the ceremonials which accompany weddings, funerals, birth rejoicing and the entertainments of various sorts, interesting as many of them are. Many of these have changed, and will change more in this transition period, but let us hope that it may be long before Japan will become too busy for its pretty courtesies, its long, stately bows and graceful speeches, which are one of the most charming things in this land of the orient. —Sacramento Daily Union, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia