Etiquette and the Romance Factor

Music. Dance. Poetry. Perfume. Sexy lingerie. Chocolate. Etc... We have been bombarded with gift suggestions for your Valentine. So we’ve rated several gifts from “1” (barely romantic) to “10” (awash in romance).

1. Perfume. You have a great chance of finding one that you love, s/he hates - making perfume one of the most potentially dangerous gifts. But find one that puts you both in a romantic mood, and you've hit the jackpot.

2. Poetry. Besides being romantic, it’s cheap – Free at your public library!

3. Overnight stay in a luxury hotel suite. The most fantastic fantasy packages can be found. Your price and pocketbook are your only limitations.

4. Private music. Singing Telegrams can deliver a singing telegram to your Valentine - upbeat, sentimental, or whatever, over the phone or in person. (Updating this to 2025, they can be delivered online, as well.)

5. Music. Centuries of love songs can be on the agenda.

6. Dancing. Valentine’s Day is a popular time for dances with romantic themes.Can't get him to go? “She drags him in for the first lesson - after that, he drags her in,” said Emily, of the John and Emily Ross Dance Studio.

7. Chocolate. It’s smooth, sensual, melts at body temperature, and generally needs no introduction. Careful, though — a third of women are dieting at any given moment.

8. Lingerie. This is pretty romantic once you get it home, but a man in the lingerie department is great material for a humor columnist. If you don’t know her size by number, go for “one size fits all,” like stockings decorated with hearts or a red negligee. Decide what you want before you go in, march right up to the clerk, and ask for it. It’s her job not to laugh.


9. Diamonds. The Romans thought diamonds were splinters of fallen stars, Greeks thought they were tears of the gods, their inner fire analogous to love's passion. Can’t get much more romantic than that. Before you spring, cultivate the acquaintance of a jeweler you feel you can trust.

10. A kiss. Ah, one of those best things in life that are free. A kiss can be discreet and friendly, or amorous and fervent. - From an article by S. Boynton for the Press Democrat, 1993

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Agony Aunt Greeting Etiquette

Some women are so naturally effervescent and affectionate that they have difficulty in restraining their enthusiasm when they meet a woman friend whom they have not seen for a long time.

Dear Miss Markel- I have a woman friend who always kisses me, even if our meeting takes place on the street. Isn't this considered bad taste? – Mrs. J.

Answer- Some women are so naturally effervescent and affectionate that they have difficulty in restraining their enthusiasm when they meet a woman friend whom they have not seen for a long time. The enthusiasm should not carry one to the extent of kissing in public places or at parties. While we should not restrain our natural vivacity upon meeting dear friends, we should curb the public kissing habit – which is greatly overdone, and frequently nothing more than form of affection. 


Dear Miss Markel - How long should the wedding party remain in the receiving line?- K. 

Answer - Until all of the guests have had time to greet the bride and groom. Then they go to the dining room, into which the bride and groom lead the way, followed by the best man and maids-of-honor, the bridesmaids and ushers coming last. - By Francine Markel, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Kissing History and Etiquette

It may come as a surprise, but not all cultures think of kissing as romantic. In the 1400s, when Europeans first embarked on their path of conquest and exploration, kissing was unknown in many parts of the world. The Chinese found the whole idea of public kissing gross. And when members of an African tribe spotted two Europeans in a passionate kiss, they wondered what could be wrong with those people.

Historically Speaking, A Kiss Is Not Just a Kiss

You’ve seen it dozens of times. The camera gets close, the music soars, a hush falls over the audience, then, in a swirl of sound, the film hero kisses his sweetie.

Even in this era of more graphic movie lovemaking, the kiss still holds a special place, perhaps because it’s a sign of affection we all recognize. From the mother’s peck for an infant to children’s innocent busses for grandparents, kissing is with us always.

But how natural is the kiss?

Foreign to Some Cultures

It may come as a surprise, but not all cultures think of kissing as romantic. In the 1400s, when Europeans first embarked on their path of conquest and exploration, kissing was unknown in many parts of the world.

When confronted by puckering conquistadors, some natives showed no emotion at all, while others fled in terror, said Prof. Vaughn Bryant, chairman of the Texas A&M; anthropology department and an expert in the kiss’s history.

The Chinese found the whole idea of public kissing gross. And when members of an African tribe spotted two Europeans in a passionate kiss, they wondered what could be wrong with those people.

No one can say for sure how kissing started. Some say it dates to an infant’s basic desire for mother’s milk. Others think it might have begun as a way for the human male and female to show they were not going to bite each other. Then, there are those who suggest it began when people wanted to lick each other’s faces for salt.

Nose-Rubbing That Slipped

Bryant believes it’s possible that the romantic kiss grew out of an early lovemaking ritual, rubbing noses. “Somebody must have slipped and found that the lips were a lot more sensitive than the nose,” he said.

Kissing first emerged from the mists of pre-recorded history about 4,000 years ago. Bryant found the reference to romantic nose-rubbing leading to a kiss in the ancient East Indian book, the “Rig-Veda.” The practice spread west into Persia at some point.

The Greeks had the habit of throwing kisses at statues of the gods as a sign of respect. The story goes that Greek orator Demosthenes (384-322 BC) was being taken by guards to meet an enemy king. He asked his captors if they would take him to the nearest temple. The guards thought nothing amiss when Demosthenes raised his hands to his lips for the traditional sacred kiss. They could not see the poison in his hand that made this kiss his last.

It took the ancient Romans to raise kissing to an art. The race of soldiers saw no reason not to make both love and war. Bryant calls them “the kissingest culture that ever existed.” To make the kiss more potent, upper-class Romans took to perfuming their mouths with Oriental spices. The emperor got his hand kissed.

But all the heavy smooching soon was creating a scandal. Old-time Roman moralists were overwhelmed by it. And kissing was not without risk. Early in the 1st Century, the Emperor Tiberius felt that there was only one way to handle a herpes epidemic: He banned social kissing from Gaul to Egypt.

Faire la Bise Etiquette — According to Condé Nast Traveler, “A kiss, by name, has its charming differences—it's el beso in Spain, beijnhos in Portugal, beijos in Brazil, and beso-beso in the Philippines—but the logistics are fairly straightforward. You start by leaning in and placing right cheek to right cheek, before moving to the left side—and back and forth thereafter if additional pecks are required. The primary exception is Italy, which starts il bacio on the left.”
 Former French First Lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, mastered the art of the kiss. Photo: Sipa Press / Rex Features

Hems and Boots

Then, in the Middle Ages, kissing distinctions evolved: equals kissed on the lips; hem-of-garment and foot-kissing was for the lowest of the low. Kissing the ground next to a superior’s boot was for the ignominious, and from this arose phrases like kiss the dirt and boot licker .

The Christian church adopted some of the old Roman kissing rite in a religious ceremony. The kiss that the groom gives the bride at a wedding comes from that era.

At the Council of Vienna (1311-1312), the Catholic Church tried to regulate kissing, according it status as a mortal or venal sin depending on the degrees of lovers’ intent.

By the late 1600s, a period noteworthy for plagues sweeping the Continent, mouth kissing had faded from public practice. So, a whole etiquette of greeting grew up. Gentlemen would bow or doff their plumed hats. Ladies would curtsy. It was at this time, some experts say, that the handshake emerged, evolving from the obeisant kiss on the back of a superior’s hand.

The kiss from this time forward was regarded as something private, which should be given that way. As late as 1900, an American etiquette guide declared public kissing “a reprehensible custom and should not be tolerated in good society.” Emily Post, in statements in the 1920s, declared that when a couple meet in a restaurant, he should “on no account kiss her . . . in good society ladies (also) do not kiss each other when they meet either at parties or in public.”

But much changed in America since President Calvin Coolidge’s era. And now, trend-setters note, social kissing has even become a practice in certain business circles.— The Allentown Morning Call, 1989

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia