Mid-20th C. Finger Bowl Etiquette

Above is a selection of antique picks and forks for crab legs and lobster, along with a pâté spreader and an individual caviar knife.– “When one has eaten lobster, the finger bowl is quite necessary. Usually a slice of lemon is served with the finger bowl of warm water, for lemon rubbed over the fingers will take away the unpleasant fishy odor.”

• Finger bowls are not often used, but one needs to know what to do when a finger bowl is provided. 
• At very formal dinner parties, hotel-dining rooms, and with sea-food dinners, it is brought to the table before the dessert.
• At the formal dinner party the finger bowl arrives on the dessert plate, a small doily under it, and the dessert fork and spoon resting on each side of the bowl. When it comes to the table, the guest removes the silver, putting the fork at the left of the plate, the spoon at the right. Then he lifts the bowl and doily from the plate and sets them on the left side of the plate.
• The proper way to use the finger bowl is to dip the tips of your fingers in the water, rub them over your lips if you like, then wipe both your fingers and your lips with the napkin. Do it as inconspicuously as possible. 
• When one has eaten lobster, the finger bowl is quite necessary. Usually a slice of lemon is served with the finger bowl of warm water, for lemon rubbed over the fingers will take away the unpleasant fishy odor.

– From Emily R. Dow’s 1957, “Brooms, Buttons and Beaux”

🦞Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Entertaining Parties

Round tables are best for conversation. That's just a fact. Even with twelve people you can have a group conversation with a round table. This does not mean that you have to have a round table to have a successful party. In fact I don't have a round table in my dining room in Washington. I do, however, have a rectangular table that is almost like a round table, where I can have a cozy group of four or ten. 

Assuming you're not having a buffet supper, the table becomes the most important thing about your party, after the guests. This is where it happens. This is where hosts’ and hostesses’ reputations are made or broken.

Relax, I'm only joking. But... if it doesn’t work at the table, it’s over.

Round tables are best for conversation. That's just a fact. Even with twelve people you can have a group conversation with a round table. This does not mean that you have to have a round table to have a successful party. In fact, I don't have a round table in my dining room in Washington. I do, however, have a rectangular table that is almost like a round table, where I can have a cozy group of four or ten. My problem is that when I put a leaf or two in the table, it suddenly becomes too long for a group conversation and doesn’t really work. I can see my way around this problem. I don't like round tables for fourteen— I think they’re awkward— so I make the best of the situation when I have more than ten. 

Usually, if I’m having more than sixteen to eighteen for dinner, I take the dining room table out and bring in several old round fold-up caterer’s tables, put skirts on them, and that always seems to work better. The worst tables, and I've fallen for this in a country house once, are those long narrow antique wooden refectory tables. For some reason they are conversation killers. At least those at the end of the table have a little threesome, but those stuck in the center always seem to get left out. I think of those tables as lean and mean. The rounder and more generous a table, the better time guests generally have.

You don’t have to have down-filled armchairs at the table, but chairs should be relatively comfortable. Forget backless benches. They may be quaint and look good in the decorating magazines, but you simply cannot have a good time for a whole evening if you can’t lean back and relax. Those bamboo upright caterer’s chairs don't look it, but they are surprisingly comfortable, especially with cushions, and they don’t take up a lot of space, so you can squeeze more people in if you have to. 

I much prefer to have too many people at the table than too few. It is deadly to have great, huge spaces between seats at a party. A five-foot round table is a good size because you can put four people or twelve at it. Twelve is a little tight, but I find people have a good time when they're jammed in together. The caterers will tell you you can’t possibly fit twelve at a five-foot round. They are wrong, but ten is best for that size table. A four-and-a-half-foot round will seat ten, and a four-foot round will do eight. So if you’re hard up for space, squeeze ‘em in. — From Sally Quinn’s 1997 book, “The Party: A Guide to Adventurous Entertaining”

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Manners for Sports’ Spectators

“As you grow older, you may go to the horse races, and if you are as lucky as most people at a race track, your horse will lose. Don't boo a horse if he does. He has feelings, too.” — Marjabelle Young Stewart

As you grow older you will become more and more a spectator at sporting events. At some, such as football, base ball, horse racing, hockey, and track meets, you can shout to your heart's content. But at others, like golf and tennis, you must remain quiet until the player has made his shot, or-in the case of tennis-until the player has made his point.

Razzing players on a football or baseball field may be good fun, but it isn't good sportsmanship. You have to assume that the people on the field are doing their best, and nobody likes to be razzed or booed. Before doing either one, try to put yourself in the player's place; see how you would feel if the fans were booing you.

As you grow older, you may go to the horse races, and if you are as lucky as most people at a race track, your horse will lose. Don't boo a horse if he does. He has feelings, too.

Source ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart’s and Ann Buchwald's 1969, “Stand up, Shake hands, Say ‘How Do You Do’” ~ What boys need to know about today's manners.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Skin Care Etiquette for Teens

Elizabeth Post had her own line of cosmetics and beauty products for fans of her etiquette columns. This mid-century, miniature powder and accompanying puff, were the perfect size to toss in a handbag.

Care of Your Face

• Never go to bed without washing it, no matter how late it is. If your skin is oily, use soap and water. If it is dry, use soap sparingly and be sure to wipe the skin dry after every washing.
• Your powder puff and lipstick should never be loaned, and do not borrow other people’s. 
• Face powder is fine to hide a shiny nose, but don't make a mask of it on your face. 
• Lipstick color should match nail polish, if you use colored polish. Select a lipstick that will suit your natural coloring, your hair, skin and also the color of the dress you are wearing. Be careful not to overdo the lipstick. Keep the natural shape of your lips.
• Rouge should be saved for parties and evening dress-up. Use it sparingly, or it will look unnatural.
• Pimples should never be squeezed. Keep your hands off them. Picking can make an ugly scar and start an infection. See your doctor for constant skin trouble, as there are many new ways to treat it. 
• Get plenty of sleep and check your diet. The health of your skin depends on sleep, diet, exercise and cleanliness. Keep away from rich, spicy or fried food. A food allergy can cause a rash. 

– From Emily R. Dow’s 1957, “Brooms, Buttons and Beaux”

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Locker-Room Manners

Control your temper: Don't throw your helmet, towel, or a ball to the ground; don't shake your fist or holler in anger at anyone. No one respects a person who can't keep his temper under ice.
–—–––––––––––––––––––––––––––
To update these excellent manners from 1969, Etiquipedia would like to add to this list that unless one is from a reputable news service or magazine, under no circumstances is it allowable to take photos of others in a locker-room without their permission. If the person being photographed is a minor, the parent’s or guardian’s permission is first needed, as well.

Some fellows who can control themselves on the field in front of an audience lose their cool in the locker room. This is dangerous because you are judged by your team mates and your coaches in the locker room, and if you get out of control there, they can't trust you on the field.

Don't use foul language in the locker room. It's out of character for good athletes, and it embarrasses other people.

Control your temper: Don't throw your helmet, towel, or a ball to the ground; don't shake your fist or holler in anger at anyone. No one respects a person who can't keep his temper under ice.

Don't spit in locker rooms or showers.

Don't leave hot showers running, don't throw tissue on the floor, and always, always flush the toilet after using it.

Don't start water fights in the locker room. Someone could slip and become severely injured.

Towel snapping is permissible, providing you're willing to let someone snap a towel back at you. 

Source ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart’s and Ann Buchwald's 1969, 

Stand up, Shake hands, Say “How Do You Do” ~ What boys need to know about today's manners.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners of a Pea Eating Champ

Move over, Nathan’s! It wasn’t those New York famous hot dogs which were being eaten competitively in the early 20th century. Bad manners were also on display, with a twist (or should I say, ‘a slit’?) in this competition. In 1929, on the West Coast, one Ruth Keller was the winner of a competition of eating peas with a knife! The knives all had a special slit down the middle to help speed things along. 

 

Why Peas Leave Pod

Why they leave their plate via the knife route was demonstrated by Ruth Keller, who is the champion of California when it comes to consuming the little vegetables with only a knife as a weapon. She won the state title in competition with other girls.– A. P. photo.

Girl Proves Champion at Eating Peas With Knife

LA CRESCENTA, Dec. 28.– Eating peas with a knife, like drinking coffee with a spoon in the cup, is admittedly poor table manners. But because Ruth Keller of this town excelled at the first-named social ban, she is wearing a medal today as the fastest green pea eater in California. In competition with other pretty maidens, Miss Keller sat down to a festive board here recently with a huge bowl of the elusive little vegetables in front of her, and only a knife as a weapon. Everybody started off at a given signal. 

A safety pea knife with a slit down the middle, as advertised in the late 1920’s 

The only advantage possessed by the contestants over the ordinary individual who likes his peas on a knife, was that the blades used by the girls had a slit down the center. The theory of this stroke of mechanical genius, displayed by one of the contest managers, was that the peas would stick in the slit and slide down easier into the mouth. Miss Keller consumed her peas in amazingly short time. True, they skipped and staggered and skidded about on the knife, but even the most unruly pea finally succumbed to the girl's sense of balance and followed its more tractable predecessors, until all had disappeared. - Oakland Tribune, 1929

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Diplomatic Protocol Crisis of 1887

The English diplomat, accustomed to being second socially only to the Royal family, delayed his courtesy call for months after Hobart, a New Jersey native, snubbed Lord and Lady Pauncefote’s invitation to a British garden party. Washington was entranced with the squabble. Finally, after advice from the crown itself, Lord Pauncefote buckled and paid the first call on Hobart.  

–Public domain image of Sir Julian Pauncefote

All the fuss over Nancy Reagan’s china and interior decorating at the White House has caused some to urge that official Washington return to an era when leaders wasted little time on questions of etiquette and social standing. Apparently there never was such a time.

The National Historical Society recently recalled the crisis of protocol that gripped Washington 85 years ago. It seems the British ambassador, Sir Julian Pauncefote, and William McKinley’s first vice president, Garret Augustus Hobart, embroiled themselves in a raging public controversy over who should sit next to the President at State Dinners, and who should call on the other first.

The English diplomat, accustomed to being second socially only to the Royal family, delayed his courtesy call for months after Hobart, a New Jersey native, snubbed Lord and Lady Pauncefote’s invitation to a British garden party. Washington was entranced with the squabble. Finally, after advice from the crown itself, Lord Pauncefote buckled and paid the first call on Hobart. Hobart later missed a chance at being President by dying in office in 1899. – San Bernardino Sun, 1982

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Prince and Princess Visit Washington

The Princess will take at least six outfits for each day to cover any eventuality and weather condition. She'll bring a stack of hats, gloves and handbags. She'll also carry a black outfit in case she has to go back home for a funeral. The Spencer family tiara will be packed for the White House dinner next Saturday, or perhaps a more grand one borrowed from the Queen. – Plaid Princesss: “She likes bold designs. She's revitalized British fashion,” Stephen Barry says. – By Lionel Cherruault

As the USA rolls out the red carpet for her first visit next weekend, a former royal valet gives us an inside look at her life with Charles.

When Prince Charles went to Washington, D.C, in 1970, President Nixon tried to match him up with his pretty daughter Tricia. But both the Prince and Tricia had different ideas. The next time he went to the USA, it was 1977 and he had me for company. This time around, there was no threat of matchmaking. Amy Carter was too young. “At least I won't have a daughter to face,” he said before we left. 

This time he brings a wife. When the prince arrives in the States next Friday, he'll be accompanied by the beautiful and exceptional Princess Diana. And one thing is certain: Princess or not, Diana is tremendously excited by the prospect of her first trip to the United States. The purpose of this voyage is to visit an exhibit of paintings, silver and furnishings from the great homes of Britain The Treasure Homes of Britain at the National Gallery of Art in Washington and also to raise money for Prince Charles' pet charity, United World Colleges, at a dinner in Palm Beach, Fla. 

The couple will spend the first three days in Washington and will fly to Palm Beach on Tuesday. Knowing that the cameras will be upon Princess Diana, she has been having a field day with her clothing allowance. During the summer, she made trips to London from Balmoral Castle in Scotland for fittings for her brand-new wardrobe. Her bags will be laden with evening gowns from Belville Sassoon and day clothes from Bruce Oldfield, her favorite designer. It looks as if the color scheme will be autumnal.

The Princess will take at least six outfits for each day to cover any eventuality and weather condition. She'll bring a stack of hats, gloves and handbags. She'll also carry a black outfit in case she has to go back home for a funeral. The Spencer family tiara will be packed for the White House dinner next Saturday, or perhaps a more grand one borrowed from the Queen.

When the royal couple dine with the Reagans, the First Lady will find that Princess Diana is very different from the 20 year-old former kindergarten teacher whose wedding Nancy Reagan attended on July 29, 1981. The difference will also be noted by the millions of USA citizens who watched the royal wedding on TV.

Even though Princess Diana coped su perbly that day, I never would have imag ined her becoming the poised performer she is now.

She always was radiant. But now the Princess, at 24, has matured and become much more stylish and confident. She has grown into her royal role; she's everyone's idea of what a Princess should be.

Royalty is a bit like Dynasty and Dallas without the double dealing. But, while the royals are much richer, they are much less grand. There aren't a lot of champagne corks popping about the palace. In fact, champagne has just been banned at diplomatic receptions as an economy measure. And the Queen, obsessed with conserving electricity, is often seen switching off lights. Princess Diana, however, is putting a new shine on the royal image. She's very beautiful, incredibly photogenic and she wears clothes well.

The Princess was a triumph throughout the Australia tour which took place in 1983, shortly after the birth of Prince William. That was an easy trip because Australians treat the British royals like members of the family, so if they make the odd mistake, nobody takes much notice. During that trip, she looked to Prince Charles for guidance and he was always close at hand.

The princess's equally triumphant tour of Italy last spring was a gentle ride, too. All Italians love a pretty girl and, as she can't speak Italian, she just had to smile a lot.

Both these tours were the nursery slopes. The Queen’s advisers now believe Diana is ready and experienced enough for this United States trip. She has had practice at being a Princess and she is poised enough to handle the press and the pressures involved in a trip to the USA.

This visit will mark one of her biggest challenges, but I can’t see Princess Diana failing

She has learned to love the limelight. In fact, Prince Charles is the first to admit that his wife is usually the main attraction. When the couple toured Australia, the Prince said with a grin: “I might as well have stayed in the car.”

I believe she’ll draw the largest crowds Washington has seen in years. In my trav els around the States, I have found a boundless curiosity about the British royal family. People in the USA are fascinated by the glamour of it all.

The Prince, for his part, loves the United States and is looking forward to introducing Princess Diana to your country. Though normally he moans and groans about overseas trips, an invitation to the USA is accepted with alacrity. – By Stephen Barry for the San Bernardino Sun, 1985

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Handshakes for a King and Queen

Officials point out that President and Mrs. Roosevelt will be standing in line with the King and Queen when most of their big moments come. And Americans have been shaking their Presidents’ hands for years. Some bow slightly; others don't. Not many men want to appear ludicrous by saying “How-do-you do” to the President, then bowing low and backing off from the King and Queen, only to walk forward again for Mrs. Roosevelt’s hand shake.

British Royalty to be Greeted with Handshakes

WASHINGTON, May 12.- (AP) - The minute fraction of the Nation’s population which actually will meet the King and Queen of Great Britain here next month is getting ready for good old American handshakes.

For weeks, these men and women have been batted back and forth between the curtsy-or-don't, bow-or faint school of thought. The final consensus is that being Americans, they will act as Americans usually do at White House and other formal functions.

Officials point out that President and Mrs. Roosevelt will be standing in line with the King and Queen when most of their big moments come. And Americans have been shaking their Presidents’ hands for years. Some bow slightly; others don't.

Not many men want to appear ludicrous by saying “How-do-you do” to the President, then bowing low and backing off from the King and Queen, only to walk forward again for Mrs. Roosevelt’s hand shake.

The State Department steadfastly has refused to play Emily Post for the American public on royal etiquette. Protocol experts take the attitude that they have no more business dictating how people should behave than they have telling them what to wear.

As a result, most officials plan to follow American customs. The larg est group to be presented will be those invited to the White House musicale after a state dinner for about 100 guests, June 9. Others will be introduced at Union Station. – Oakland Tribune, May 1939

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Etiquette for Addressing British Peers

    

Prince Henry, Duke of Gloucester and Governor General of Australia. He was also the uncle of Queen Elizabeth II. Photo circa 1945 

— Public domain image, Wikipedia 

British Peerage and Individuals

THE PEERAGE
A DUKE, NON-ROYAL writing to His Grace, the Duke of Norfolk, K.G. Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Duke: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Your Grace. In prolonged conversation, Sir introducing or referring to The Duke of Norfolk note: In England invitations are never addressed jointly (on the envelope) to husband and wife but to the wife alone. Christmas cards may be ad- dressed jointly, however. (See “The British Use of Esquire.”) In this case the form would be: Their Graces, the Duke and Duchess of Norfolk.


THE ELDEST SON OF A DUKE AND HIS WIFE note: The eldest son of a Duke has the highest family title below his father's, such as Marquess. His wife has the corresponding title, such as Marchioness.


THE YOUNGER SONS OF A DUKE note: The younger sons of a Duke have the title Lord with their Christian and family names. writing to The Lord James Beaumont Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Lord James: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lord James introducing or referring to Lord James Beaumont note: The terms “My Lord” and “My Lady” are forms of address used mainly by servants and tradesmen, although the usage is not necessarily menial.


THE DAUGHTERS OF A DUKE note: The daughters of a Duke take the title Lady with their Christian and family name. writing to Lady Bridget Beaumont Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Lady Bridget: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady Bridget introducing or referring to Lady Bridget Beaumont


THE WIFE OF THE YOUNGER SON OF A DUKE note: The wife of the younger son of a Duke has the title Lady with her husbands full name or Christian name but not with his surname only. writing to Lady James Beaumont Local address Letter opening: Madam (business) Dear Lady James: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady James introducing or referring to Lady James Beaumont


A MARQUESS writing to The Most Honourable the Marquess of Remington, or The Marquess of Remington (less formal) Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Lord Remington: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lord Remington introducing or referring to The Marquess of Remington, or Lord Remington (less formal)


A MARCHIONESS writing to The Most Honourable the Marchioness of Remington, or The Marchioness of Remington (less formal) Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Lady Remington: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady Remington introducing or referring to The Marchioness of Remington, or Lady Remington (less formal)


THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF A MARQUESS note: The eldest son of a Marquess has the highest family tide below his father's such as Earl his wife has the corresponding title such as Countess. The younger son and daughter of a Marquess take the title Lord or Lady, respectively. The wife of the younger son of a Marquess has the title Laay combined with her husband's full name.


AN EARL writing to The Right Honourable the Earl of Leeds, G.C., V.O., C.M.G. (business) or The Earl of Leeds (social) Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Lord Leeds: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lord Leeds introducing or referring to The Earl of Leeds or Lord Leeds (less formal)


A COUNTESS, WIFE OF AN EARL writing to The Right Honourable the Countess of Leeds (business) or The Countess of Leeds (social) Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Lady Leeds: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady Leeds introducing or referring to The Countess of Leeds or Lady Leeds (less formal)


THE ELDEST SON OF AN EARL AND HIS WIFE note: The eldest son of an Earl has the highest family title below his father's such as Viscount. His wife takes the corresponding title such as Viscountess. The younger sons of an Earl and their wives have the title Honourable. Writing to The Honourable George Bird Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Mr. Bird: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Mr. Bird introducing or referring to Mr. Bird writing to The Honourable Mrs. George Bird Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Mrs. Bird: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Mrs. Bird


INTRODUCING OR REFERRING TO Mrs. Bird note: The daughters of an Earl have the title Lady combined with their Christian and family names.


A VISCOUNT writing to The Right Honourable the Viscount Bemis (business) or The Vis- count Bemis (social) Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Lord Bemis: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lord Bemis introducing or referring to Viscount Bemis or Lord Bemis (less formal)


A VISCOUNTESS writing to The Right Honourable the Viscountess Bemis (business) or The Viscountess Bemis (social) Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Lady Bemis: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady Bemis introducing or referring to Viscountess Bemis or Lady Bemis (less formal)


THE FAMILY OF A VISCOUNT note: The eldest son of a Viscount and also his wife have the title Honourable. writing to The Honourable Thomas Bemis Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Mr. Bemis: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Mr. Bemis


INTRODUCING OR REFERRING TO Mr. Bemis writing to The Honourable Mrs. Bemis Omission of husbands Christian name indicates she is wife of eldest son. Local address Letter opening: Madam (business) Dear Mrs. Bemis: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Mrs. Bemis introducing or referring to Mrs. Bemis note: The younger sons of a Viscount and their wives also have the title Honourable. The daughters of a Viscount take the title Honourable with their Christian and family names. whiting to The Honourable Gladys Bemis Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Miss Bemis: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Miss Bemis


INTRODUCING OR REFERRING TO Miss Bemis


A BARON note: A Baron is addressed as “Lord” never as Baron. writing to The Right Honourable the Lord Lancer (business) or The Lord Lancer (social) Local address Letter opening: Sir: (business) Dear Lord Lancer: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lord Lancer introducing or referring to Lord Lancer


A BARONESS note: A Baroness in her own right has the title Baroness but may also be addressed as Lady. The wife of a Baron who is not a Baroness in her own right is addressed only as Lady. writing to The Right Honourable the Baroness Lancer (business) or The Baroness Lancer or The Lady Lancer: (social) Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Baroness (or Lady) Lancer: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social)


A BARONESS (not in her own right) writing to The Right Honourable the Lady McGuiness (business) or The Lady McGuiness (social) Local address Letter opening: Madam: (business) Dear Lady McGuiness: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady McGuiness introducing or referring to Lady Mc Guiness


CORRESPONDENCE THE CHILDREN OF A BARON note: All the sons of a Baron and their wives have the title Honourable. The daughters of a Baron also have the title Honourable.


A BARONET note: A Baronet has the title Sir and the abbreviation for Baronet (Bart, or Bt.) follows his name. writing to Sir Thomas Riddle, Bart. Local address Letter opening: Dear Sir: (business) Dear Sir Thomas: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Sir Thomas introducing or referring to Sir Thomas Riddle


THE WIFE OF A BARONET note: The wife of a Baronet has the title Lady with her husband's surname only. writing to Lady Riddle Local address Letter opening: Dear Madam: (business) Dear Lady Riddle: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady Riddle introducing or referring to Lady Riddle note: The sons and daughters of a Baronet have no title.


DOWAGER note: The term “Dowager” is used as part of a title in England to indicate the earliest surviving widow of a preceding peer. She is known as the Dow- ager Duchess of Wickham. A later surviving widow who might be the widow of the first earl's son, nephew, etc. would be known as Mary, Duchess of Wickham, retaining this usage for life even if the Dowager dies.


A KNIGHT note: A Knight has the title Sir and the initials of his order or orders of knighthood, if any, follow his name. writing to Sir John Waugh, G.C. M.G. Local address
Letter opening: Dear Sir: (business) Dear Sir John: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Sir John introducing or referring to Sir John Waugh


THE WIFE OF A KNIGHT note: The wife of a Knight has the title Lady with her husband's surname only. writing to Lady Waugh Local address


Letter opening: Dear Madam: (business) Dear Lady Waugh: (social) Closing: Yours very truly (business) Yours sincerely (social) speaking to Lady Waugh


INTRODUCING OR REFERRING TO Lady Waugh


—From “Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette : A Guide to Gracious Living,” 1957

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Duke of Edinburg’s Unaffected Manner

Duke of Edinburg, in formal civilian attire, is a tailor’s delight.

The Duke has an unaffected manner. If he is by the phone when it rings, he will answer it. He took off his coat and helped workmen shift furniture when it arrived at Clarence House, but he will not be forced by opinions of some fanatical minority. Criticism deploring the fact that he and the future Queen went out in Paris on Sunday during their visit to France to enjoy themselves, and that he played polo on Sunday, was met with stony silence and attendance by Elizabeth at Sunday polo games.

When staid critics decided that “Bluebottle” was a frivolous name for a yacht connected with royalty, it did not stop the little ship from being given a fresh coat of blue paint and its name was lettered even more clearly. His uncle, Lord Louis Mountbatten, was his guiding light, who saw that his young nephew had the wherewithal to keep his place among the other underpaid young men from the army and navy who went about town. Later, Lord Louis handed over the presidency of the Playing Fields Association so that the future Queen’s husband could establish himself as a public figure. – San Bernardino Sun, March 1953

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Rigorous Royal Funeral Etiquette

“That is why Mr. Roosevelt rode behind persons of title, as did the special ambassador of the United States at the funeral of Queen Victoria. Etiquette prescribed the place in line; and etiquette is perhaps more rigorous at Royal funerals than at Royal festivals.” – Theodore Roosevelt was a special guest at the funeral of the British King Edward II
– Public domain image of former U.S. President, Theodore Roosevelt 

Theodore Roosevelt Guest of the King of Kings

First American Citizen Was Distinguished Guest at Monarch’s Table in England

Mr. Roosevelt did not loom in the procession which followed the late King to his grave and, but for his position. as special ambassador, he would not have been a part of it. There is no provision made for civilians at such. functions; and special ambassadors have to take the places assigned them by their rank, differentiating Royal from non-Royal envoys. And that is why Mr. Roosevelt rode behind persons of title, as did the special ambassador of the United States at the funeral of Queen Victoria. Etiquette prescribed the place in line; and etiquette is perhaps more rigorous at Royal funerals than at Royal festivals.

In his other relations with the English court, however, the ex-President has been treated with greater distinction than any other civilian on earth could expect to be. At the dinner given to the guests of the King he was at the right hand of the host; and the visiting Monarchs, with the notable exception of King Alfonso, singled him out for special courtesies. Of these, Emperor William was conspicuous. He likes Roosevelt; and he wanted to especially emphasize, not only that liking, but his desire to honor the people of the United States, so many of whom are of German derivation.

So the American people have no call to be sensitive over the order of the cortège and Mr. Roosevelt’s place in it. Had the point been stretched and Mr. Roosevelt been included among special envoys of Royal or imperial rank, it would have not only excited criticism at home and abroad, but it would have been offensive to the special ambassador of France, who held the same rank as his American colleague.– San Francisco Chronicle, May 1910

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Addressing Royalty

Writing to His Majesty the King Buckingham Palace London (England on cables and envelopes only) — Photo source, Pinterest

How to Address British Royals, British Officials and Individuals 

It is exceptional for a private individual to address a King, Queen, or other member of a royal family. A foreigner should address them only through the regular diplomatic or other proper channel. An American citizen in addressing any member of the royal family or nobility or anv foreign official may use the American form of formal address and close. 

THE KING writing to His Majesty the King Buckingham Palace London (England on cables and envelopes only) 

Letter opening: Sir or Your Majesty

Closing: Yours very respectfully or Yours respectfully speaking to Your Majesty. 

In prolonged conversation, Sir introducing or referring to His Majesty the King 

Note: In England the form for letter closing always properly begins with “Yours.” The term “My dear” is the intimate form of opening, “Dear” the formal quite the opposite of the American form. 

THE QUEEN writing to Her Majesty the Queen Buckingham Palace London (England on cables and envelopes only) 

Letter opening: Your Majesty

Closing: Yours very respectfully or Yours respectfully speaking to Your Majesty. 

In prolonged conversation, Ma'am introducing or referring to Her Majesty the Queen 

A ROYAL PRINCE OR A ROYAL DUKE writing to His Royal Highness the Duke of Trent, K.G. 

Local address Letter opening: Sir 

Closing: Yours respectfully speaking to Your Royal Highness. 

In prolonged conversation, Sir introducing or referring to His Royal Highness the Duke of Trent or His Royal Highness, Prince Thomas 

A ROYAL PRINCESS OR A ROYAL DUCHESS writing to Her Royal Highness the Princess Royal Local address Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Trent, Local address 

Her Royal Highness Princess Anne, Local address 

Letter opening: Madam

Closing: Yours respectfully speaking to Your Royal Highness. 

In prolonged conversation, Ma'am introducing or referring to Her Royal Highness the Princess Royal —From “Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette : A Guide to Gracious Living,” 1957

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Dresser Consulted Hollywood

Hilda Grenier is Coronation Specialist. She explains royal jewels to actress Jean Simmons.

                 

Hollywood’s ‘royal matters’ no problem for this lady 

Elizabeth is crowned. As consultant on MGM's new Technicolor romance, “Young Bess,” she viewed the rise of England's great Queen Elizabeth (played by Jean Simmons) from childhood until the death of Queen Mary (Bloody Mary) in 1558, at which time Young Bess be came queen.

Mrs. Grenier’s Royal parlay will be complete when she witnesses the Coronation of the new Elizabeth.

The latter hadn’t yet entered the world when Mrs. Grenier came to America with her husband in 1915, but she knew Elizabeth’s father, the late George VI, and her grandmother, the late Queen Mary, with whom she corresponded regularly before the latter's death.

Mrs. Grenier said that the Queen was vitally interested in the filming of the new picture, which, in addition to Miss Simmons, stars Stewart Granger, as Tom Seymour; Deborah Kerr, as Queen Catherine Parr, and Charles Laughton, as the pompous Henry.

When Mary became Queen 

Planning on being in London on June 2 for the Coronation? No? Well, don't fret about it because there's a gray-haired little lady right here in Hollywood who can give you a quick run down on the whole affair.

Hilda Grenier, in her 60s, is as enthusiastic as a teen-ager over her own approaching trip to England for the great occasion. She was there in 1902 when Edward VII was crowned, and again in 1911 when George V ascended the throne.

Now, as she puts it, “I believe I’ll be the only person to see two Elizabeths become Queen of England in a period of little more than six months.”

That rather confounding historical twist is the result of Mrs. Grenier’s present occupation as a technical consultant in Hollywood. Scarcely a motion picture Coronation scene or one of Royal pageantry is filmed these days without her being present to see that it is done correctly.

Her latest chore in this respect is what brought up the business about her seeing two Royal procession forms in the annex. “Then the procession enters the Abbey by the west door the Lord Mayor of London, foreign Royalty, Rajahs, Ladies in Waiting, diplomats, little pages, chamberlains, etc… All is confusion for a moment, then, as if by magic, comes order. A blaze of lights illuminates the walls of ageless stone, a boys choir and a great organ are heard.

“The ceremony is a tremendous emotional and religious experience. There is the lengthy Litany and Sermon,” Mrs. Grenier continued, “then, the Queen makes the first oblation at the altar, and takes the Coronation oath and is anointed by the Archbishop. Many other colorful ceremonies follow, during which she is loaded down with emblematic burdens of Monarchy. Then the Archbishop stands alone at the altar, and raises significantly and reverently in his hands, a shining, blazing object— the Crown of England. He consecrates it, raises it high above the Queen and then slowly lowers it upon her head.

“Then comes the Holy Communion, the gathering in St. Edward’s chapel and, finally, the procession leaves the Abbey, This, is when the man in the street has his hour.”

Whether inside or outside the Abbey, Mrs. Grenier says that it's a celebration that brings out goose pimples. In her 37 years in the U.S. —she's been a naturalized citizen, since 1926— she has learned that not much surprises Americans. “But,” she said, “those in London on June 2 will experience a surprise a minute. You just have to see a Coronation to be impressed by it. Words alone are not enough.”

Knowledge of Royal matters has kept her in steady demand in Hollywood. Besides “Young Bess,” she has advised on such films as “The Prisoner of Zenda,” “My Cousin Rachel,” “Gunga Din,” “Great Expectations,” “Disraeli,” “Mudlark” and “The Prince and the Pauper.” It was the last picture, incidentally, that brought her some regret. She was busily supervising a Hollywood Coronation scene when George VI received the crown in England. She hated to miss it. But in her mind’s eye, she saw everything that attended the Coronation just as she can now picture in advance all the splendorous details of Elizabeth II’s great day.

“It is always, unalterably, the same,” she said. “And that just seems to add to its greatness— the greatness of an occasion pregnant with history and hallowed by centuries. Only the faces are different.

“The real excitement actually begins from two to three weeks before the Coronation, when the highest representatives of governments and Royalty start arriving from all over the world. There is a steady stream of fetes, dinners and balls at the palaces and gala performances at the opera and the theatre. Most of London’s business streets are elaborately decorated and flags are flown at the embassies and many private homes.

“When June 2 dawns, the parade route from Buckingham Palace to Westminster Abbey will be swarming with people, many of whom have been waiting from the day before. Thousands will have paid from $25 to $85 for bleacher seats along the route.

“The biggest and most enthusiastic crowd will be gathered outside the Abbey. A great cheer will go up as the Queen approaches in the lumbering State Coach built for George III in 1761. Inside the Abbey, more than 7000 peers and peeresses will be waiting, packed tightly together in their resplendent robes.

While with Queen Mary, Mrs. Grenier was in close personal attendance to her in the executive position of an accreditedRoyal Dresser, the modern name for Keeper of the Robes. She simultaneously was trained in all branches of etiquette and protocol because of State visits to other Courts. (She has stayed in most of the old castles, palaces and great houses of Britain and Europe and, besides Coronations, has been present at every kind of Royal and social functions from baptisms and weddings, not to mention several Royal tiger and elephant hunts in India.)

The vast fund of information she has gathered, has made her probably the best informed person in the country on Royal matters. Born in Kent on Nov. 14, 1886, the same birthday as the new Elizabeth's little Prince Charles– Mrs. Grenier began training for her Court service when she was 17, at which time she was sent to the German Imperial Court as Royal Dresser to the late Duchess of Saxe Meininger, eldest granddaughter of Queen Victoria. Los Angeles Daily News, 1953

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Applauding the Queen’s Manners

Queen Elizabeth II meeting Hollywood luminaries in February of 1983 — Etiquette has long dictated that a lady best applauds demurely, and notably different from the men, by clapping with the fingers only of the right hand, clapping (or tapping) in the palm only of the left hand. The WikiHow site has a post on something they call the “Royalty Clap,” and write that it is done, “just by clapping with the first two fingers, tapping them into your palm. It should make very little noise, giving the impression that you’re clapping more than actually contributing to the group.” Is that what the Queen was doing? It’s entirely possible. After all, she was the ultimate “lady” in public.

– Photo of Hollywood Reporter Magazine image

On HRH Queen Elizabeth’s Visit to the West Coast in 1983... “The sound of one hand clapping. Her hands never touch.” 

Several weeks back, my copy of The Hollywood Reporter arrived and I read of how all Tinseltown was abuzz with the upcoming visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. In the back of the magazine however, there was a nifty article about the visit by Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip back in February of 1983. An event that The Hollywood Reporter covered at the time.

The glitterati they met was breathlessly listed... Rod Stewart! Frank Sinatra! Joan Collins! Jimmy Stewart! Lucille Ball! Fred Astaire! George Burns! ... along with what Chasen's served; “The dinner menu included: Papaya with Bay Shrimp, Chicken Pot Pie, Fresh Spinach with Bacon and a Toasted Coconut Snowball.” A truly unique assortment, to be sure.

One of the more humorous quotes came from the magazine at that time, “... one guest described the Queen applauding as ‘the sound of one hand clapping. Her hands never touch.’”

But what really had me giggling was the story about Bette Davis and the issue of her not being issued an invitation; “And, of course, in the entitlement department, the royals had nothing on Old Hollywood.” 

Barbara Davis recalls that her late husband, Marvin – who bought Fox in 1981 and hosted the event – was deluged by requests to attend. One came from Bette Davis, who asked why she hadn't received an invitation. The studio owner told her the event was “full up.” She replied, “I want a f****ing invitation.” Somehow it was arranged, and at the dinner, the actress shook hands with the studio owner on the receiving line and said, “I'm so glad I was able to change my plans so I could attend.”

Jennifer Lopez immediately comes to mind as I read this story again now. According to actress Mary Louise Parker, when asked if she’d met the royal couple at the recent Hollywood BAFTA event, she responded, “I didn't meet them. I was shoved out of the way by Jennifer Lopez. Uh oh, I shouldn't have said that.” I guess that green dress Ms. Lopez wore to the event was not the only thing deemed inappropriate about her behavior that evening. — Originally written by Maura J Graber and published July 29, 2011 on the Etiquette Sleuth Blogspot

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Secrecy for Hosting Royals

Son of the Gilded Age financier, banking executive and philanthropist, John Pierpoint Morgan, Jack (J.P. Morgan Jr.) “developed a close relationship with King George VI, whom he first knew as Albert. Jack spent his summers in the United Kingdom, splitting his time between London, Hertfordshire, and Scotland. In 1914, Jack and his friend Eric Hambro, a British banker and politician, purchased a hunting lodge, Gannochy, in Scotland. Albert and Elizabeth, the future King and Queen of England, were frequent visitors to Gannochy. Thanks to the guest book that was maintained at the house, we can track the visits of the Royal family from 1934 to 1939. The couple often visited for a week in August to participate in the start of the grouse hunting season, and was usually accompanied by extended family, such as the Elphinstones and the Bowes-Lyons.” – From the JP Morgan Chase & Co. Alumni Network website, Cropped photograph of J.P. Morgan Jr. at a 1917 war bond parade. –Public domain image 

Morgan Menu for Royalty Secret

GANNOCHY LODGE, ELZELL, Scotland (AP)

King George and Queen Elizabeth enjoyed another outdoor picnic lunch today with an American host.

Last June 11, President and Mrs. Roosevelt entertained the Royal couple at Hyde Park, N. Y., with a picnic which introduced their majesties to “hot dogs”, an American staple separate and distinct from the sausage rolls of England.

Today their host was J. P. Morgan, whose house guests they are for several days of grouse shooting. The King and the banker were out early in sparkling sunshine with their guns and their game beaters. The Queen joined them on the heathery slopes at noon.

Servants spread a bountiful lunch from picnic hampers. The menu? That was a secret of the Morgan household. – San Pedro News Pilot, August, 1939

🌭Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Entertaining Royals and Protocol

“ Prior to arrival of King George VI and Queen Elizabeth, Mrs. Roosevelt says she received thousands of letters from Americans who were biting their fingernails in fear that the Roosevelts would be much too informal in entertaining the Royal visitors. ‘Don't serve hot dogs at the picnic,’ many letters warned. ‘Wouldn't it be advisable to employ a distinguished chef from one of the hotels to take charge of the White House kitchen during the visit of the royal couple?’ asked some of the correspondents.”

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Emily Post once served bar-b-que at an afternoon tea, so Etiquipedia feels that hot dogs can certainly be served nicely to visiting royalty, if done in a similar manner as that shown above. Instead of on paper plates as Eleanor Roosevelt served them, these hot dogs are served in American cut glass, antique celery servers and Gilded Age sterling and gilt, chow chow and piccalilli servers. The Norfolk Manor Piccalilli Relish is imported from England and the Rip Jax Chow Chow relish is a favorite in the American south– a perfect mix reflecting both countries!

Americans advise the Roosevelts as Hosts 

We do not know what advice Emily Post would give, but you can be reasonably sure that your manner is correct when meeting king or commoner if you will “just be natural.”

Prior to arrival of King George VI and Queen Elizabeth, Mrs. Roosevelt says she received thousands of letters from Americans who were biting their fingernails in fear that the Roosevelts would be much too informal in entertaining the Royal visitors.

“Don't serve hot dogs at the picnic,” many letters warned.

“Wouldn't it be advisable to employ a distinguished chef from one of the hotels to take charge of the White House kitchen during the visit of the royal couple?” asked some of the correspondents.

Other letters urged Mrs. Roosevelt to do this and do that, and “don't do this and don't do that.”

All of which proves that the American people, realizing that the occupants of the White House are serving only as official hosts of the people, are eager to entertain these charming visitors in correct and hospitable manner.

This social responsibility is in capable hands, you may be sure. Perhaps we have never had any family in the White House more qualified to entertain royalty, for the Franklin D. Roosevelts have the background of experience which has convinced them that Kings and commoners alike feel more at ease when their hosts are “being natural.”

“How are you? So glad to see you!” said the President of the United States when he met King George at Washington's Union Station.

He could have said stiffly: “Your Majesty, on behalf of the people of the United States I welcome you to Washington.”

What better welcome could a King want than that perfectly natural expression: “So glad to see you!” – Santa Cruz Sentinel, June 10th, 1939

🌭Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Thoughtful Queen’s Umbrella Etiquette

Brolly Good Show!

Queen Elizabeth and Her Chic, Colorful Secret

Queen Elizabeth has a Charming Secret Reason for Her Chic and Transparent Umbrellas

In my line of work, I follow a large amount of international news, which I pass on to others via social media. I came across this one night and was completely charmed by the Queen's simple way of letting her public see her, and stay dry at the same time. 

I was at first struck by the simplicity and complexity, the yin and yang of the whole notion. But I had to wonder; Did the Queen come up with this idea on her own? Did she hire an image and wardrobe consultant? Is this part of the ‘new and improved’ modern 21st century version of the Queen and British monarchy?

Regardless of how the decision was made, I applaud the choice. Kudos to the Queen for desiring to be more visible to “her people.” To me, she is now the ‘Chic and Thoughtful’ Queen Elizabeth.

The Duchess takes a cue from the Queen

The following came from the U.K.'s “Daily Mail”- 

“When the Queen was caught in the rain outside St Paul’s Cathedral this week, she flourished a transparent umbrella with a deep red trim which matched her outfit. Coincidence? Hardly. She has a delightful and little-known indulgence:

She commissions see-through umbrellas - so the public can see her - that are colour-matched with her clothes. The Duchess of Cambridge also ordered a black-trimmed matching umbrella, which she carried at the War Horse film premiere in January.” – From the Daily Mail Online and the Maura Graber Etiquette Sleuth Blogspot, March 2012 – For more on this- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2112488/Queen-Elizabeth-The-secret-Queens-bespoke-umbrellas.html

🌂Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

In Fond Memory of  Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, 1926 - 2022