Etiquette for Viewing Queen’s Coffin

Ever thoughtful and practical, Queen Elizabeth II chose bright, colorful clothing and hats that could be spotted easily by those waiting in large crowds to catch a glimpse of her.

Rules for those viewing the Queen's coffin in Westminster Hall

The Government has warned people viewing the Queen's coffin to remain silent inside Westminster Hall.

It urged people to “dress appropriately for the occasion to pay your respects”, banning clothes “with political or offensive slogans”.

A spokesman said: “Please respect the dignity of this event and behave appropriately. You should remain silent while inside the Palace of Westminster.”

Queue-jumpers and anyone drunk will be booted out of the queue by stewards and police patrolling the lines.

Visitors will also face airport-style security checks, with tight restrictions on what can be taken in.

Flowers, tributes, candles, flags, photos, hampers, sleeping bags, blankets, folding chairs and camping equipment are all banned, with only one small bag with a simple opening or zip permitted per person. — From mirror.co.uk

🕊Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1914 French Mourning Etiquette

French mourning dress for women, teens and children... According to historical fiction author, Evangeline Holland, the elaborate rituals of public mourning were in decline by 1917. This was mainly because WWI had given people too many reasons to mourn. It was also impractical for women to wear mourning clothes and retreat into the full mourning customs of the past, just as they were just beginning to enter the workforce en masse. 

Guide to Mourning is Latest Weekly Paris Publication

PARIS, June 15.—The first number of a weekly publication with the cheerful title of Guide To Mourning, has appeared in Paris. Its editor claims that the paper will appeal to all classes. It will deal with everything relating to funerals and give details as to proper periods of mourning, correct costume and etiquette In the matter of bereavement. Prices of church decoration and other burial rites will be quoted. – Los Angeles Herald, 1914

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Etiquette of Sorrow

If we are not intoning with mere lip-service our ‘blessed are the dead who die in the Lord,’ why this ostentation of crape, of bowed windows and darkened chambers? Either we do not really believe that our friends are happy, that we shall see them again, or we are hypocrites with this outward paraphernalia, this etiquette of sorrow. “Why should we darken our houses? The sunshine is sent to purify, to resurrect; its mission is to stricken lives as well as to frost-bound fields. 

Customs of Mourning for the Dead

A writer in a late number of the Christian Union has some very sensible remarks on the subject of modern funeral observances, as in singular contrast with the spirit and claims of a religious faith which looks beyond this world into the next, and recognizes the fact of a blessed immortality, and instances the case of David, who, after his seven days of abandonment to the most extravagant grief for the loss of his child, arose and “washed and anointed himself, and changed his apparel and did eat.” Our funeral observances, and the set fashion of mourning, are, says this writer, “in as direct contrast with the manly resignation of the Hebrew King as they are in glaring contradiction to the professions we make of faith in the present happiness and continued existence of those dear ones taken from our sight. 

If we really believe that it is well with the child for whom the mother's arms are aching and empty, if we are not intoning with mere lip-service our ‘blessed are the dead who die in the Lord,’ why this ostentation of crape, of bowed windows and darkened chambers? Why do we shun the sunlight and avert our faces from all gladness, and hold ourselves disloyal to the dead if a smile or laugh steals upon us unawares? Either we do not really believe that our friends are happy, that we shall see them again, or we are hypocrites with this outward paraphernalia, this etiquette of sorrow. “Why should we darken our houses? The sunshine is sent to purify, to resurrect; its mission is to stricken lives as well as to frost-bound fields. 

In the heavy hours, weighed down with the unnecessary gloom and circumstance of the customary funeral rites, surely we have need of all that can cheer, and warm, and inspire us. Worn out with watching, it may be, depressed with the care, the suffering, with all that has gone before, the mourning household is the one of all others that should throw open its casements, should gladden itself with flowers and the comfort that twitters through the chirp of even the city sparrows. “Some people seem to think they show tenderest memory of the dead by allowing despondency to develop into ill-health; they cultivate illness and weakness as a fine art of sorrowful remembrance. Robust health that waits on good appetite and accustomed exercise, that is springy of step and full of energy, is a reproach to them; it savors of disrespect. Could we but see that the truest and tenderest way of honoring our dear ones is to live our honest lives right on in the usual way, adding, if possible, to our work that which their tired hands lay down! 

“We pay dearly for the etiquette which would keep us sitting in darkness when a midden impulse comes to hear some music, see a bright picture, or visit a friend in whose voice and eyes we find both. ‘But the impulse does not come to true mourners.’ Ah, the heart beats humanly enough beneath the heaviest veil. Decorum teaches us to repress each impulse to the light, ‘if it come too soon.’ Shallow, indeed, is the loneliness and loss that one maps out the months into districts of dress and behavior, and let in the sunshine and the world hand in hand by a computed time table and registry of days.” – Pacific Rural Press, 1875

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Condolences

After Otto von Bismarck's death, the task of opening telegrams and attending to those which, according to etiquette, needed to receive immediate answers, continued from morning until night.

Even when in mourning, the etiquette regarding the condolences from potentates and statesmen in every part of the world, must be followed.

FRIEDRICHSRUHE, Aug. 2.— Prince Bismarck's coffin was closed down yesterday between 7 and 8 o'clock in the presence of the Imperial Chancellor, who left Friedrichsruhe immediately afterward. It was originally intended that the consecration einsegnung, as the Germans call the funeral service, should take place this morning, but it was deferred until 6 in the evening out of deference to the Emperor, who expressed a wish to be present and could not arrive before. 

The whole family, headed by Prince Herbert, assembled in the small, bare death chamber this morning and partook of the Holy Sacrament. The black coffin, of unusually large dimensions, with eight massive silver-plated handles, rested on trestles and occupied exactly the same spot as that on which stood the bed on which the Prince died, the head of the coffin, as was pointed out to me, being almost within touch of the bell rope which the Prince used when summoning his attendants. 

The task of opening telegrams and attending to those which, according to etiquette, must receive immediate answer, still continues from morning until night and keeps Count Rantzau, Count Wilhelm and Prince Herbert continually occupied. I noticed on the table one layer of opened telegrams about a foot high from every Prussian Prince and Princess and almost all the German federal sovereigns. Emperor Francis Joseph, the King and Queen of Italy, the English and Russian courts and over 100 European statesman also telegraphed condolences. — New York Herald, 1898

Do letters of condolence need to be acknowledged?

If you receive commercial sympathy cards simply signed with a name, no. Otherwise, generally yes. Most funeral establishments or crematoria furnish notecard-size thank-you notes...

 Time-honored rituals of death ease us through the unthinkable. Much of what we do during these times is almost rote. Everyone knows how difficult a death is. No, these notes are not original or memorable. They simply serve the purpose of letting the recipient know that you received and appreciated their card. Again, if anyone stands out particularly, make a note to write them later, when you can.

When should acknowledgements be sent out?

Nobody will expect you to do this for some time, so don’t worry if you can’t get yourself to your writing place for weeks or months, but some people deserve a personal reply. — From ModernLoss.com

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia