Gilded Age Etiquette and Manners

Never eat bonbons or confections of any kind on the street, in vehicles or in public places. Munching sweets is considered by all refined and intelligent persons as ill bred and provincial.

Details of Fine Manners

Good manners are the source and inspiration of easy social intercourse. They are the means of bringing people together in gentleness, grace and savoir-faire. For the men or women who observe the amenities of life; who inherit the great gift, the perfect manner; who by goodness of heart and graciousness of disposition pave the way for those about them; who delight and charm human livings, and content them with themselves—they have at last reached the place in life in which they are a source of perpetual pleasure, an ever abiding joy to those who know them and a cheer and sunshine to those who believe in them. 

An authority on social matters adds, in Harper's Bazar, the following suggestions for attaining the pleasing condition described in the foregoing words: 

• Cultivate dress as a fine art, for minute attention to personal adornment and elegance of toilet is the duty of every man or woman in civilized society. It is the outward show that enables the world to judge of us personally, our character, refinement and condition, of the station in life in which we are thrown. It is a duty we owe our family, our friends and the world at large. It is the passport to good breeding and the support of fine manners. 
• Never eat bonbons or confections of any kind on the street, in vehicles or in public places. Munching sweets is considered by all refined and intelligent persons as ill bred and provincial. 
• Study repose of manner. Swinging of arms, humming of tunes, frequent contortions of the face and restlessness of feet and hands are not only very trying to your family, but they are a source of irritation and annoyance to others.
• After visiting an out of town house a letter sent within a week is equivalent to a call. 
• Never discuss yourself, your servants or domestic affairs. In polite circles conversation is of a nature so general that continual talking of one’s self is considered ill bred and vulgar. 
• Never interrupt conversation at any time or in any place. A good listener is a great boon to mankind. 
• There is a code of rules which is the result of all these social observances. A sentence, an incident, an opinion expressed should be given without interruption. 
• Be careful in carrying small bundles or parcels on which the name of the shopkeeper appears. A silk bag for these small purchases obviates this difficulty and makes for the buyer a helpful article in traveling or shopping. 
• It is not necessary at all times to offer your seat to a lady in a street car or omnibus, but there are two cases when it should be the inevitable rule -an elderly person or a woman with a child in her arms. To either this courtesy should be extended. Consideration for age and helplessness is always appreciated.– 1892

 

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Etiquette for Bon-Bons at Dinner

According to cooking expert, Miss Louise Lane, “Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert.”

IMPORTANT AT DINNER TABLE

Small Bon Bon Dishes of Fresh Sweets Always Are Welcomed by Guests

Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert…

That candy has a definite place in the menu is borne out by Miss Louise Lane, cooking expert, who declares that it adds not only to the taste appeal of the balanced meal, but, if properly selected, to the appearance of the table as well.

1932 advertisement for “Martha Washington Candies”

Many women are puzzled as to the right moment to put the candy on the table. This is mere a matter of choice, authorities on table etiquette disagreeing on this point. Some say that candy has a place on the table right from the beginning of the meal and that a small bon-bon dish at either end of the table may be considered a correct part of the table setting. Others insist that the candy dishes make their entrance after the table has been cleared of the main course and the dessert is being served.

Miss Lane has chosen Martha Washington candies for her demonstration during the “Kitchen Chautauqua” this week. She says: “Few persons recognize the importance of the word FRESH in regard to candy. For 35 years the Martha Washington Candies Company, has pursued the policy of treating candy as a perishable article, demanding pure butter, fresh cream and eggs and other ingredients, and no preservatives. This company's slogan has been, “The Candy that's made to eat, not to keep.” Because of its freshness I have selected it for my “Happy Kitchen.” – Oakland Tribune, 1932

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Candy Etiquette

So if somebody opens a box of candy in your presence and passes it to you, you naturally take but one piece. If the possessor of the candy places it open on a table and says help yourself, you help yourself very charily.

THERE is really a very nicely balanced table of etiquette concerning candy. Of course, the keynote of it is not to be greedy and not to be selfish— that is, not to be greedy if the candy belongs to somebody else, and not to be selfish if it is yours.

That’s the whole case in a nutshell. So if somebody opens a box of candy in your presence and passes it to you, you naturally take but one piece. If the possessor of the candy places it open on a table and says help yourself, you help yourself very charily. One or two pieces more are all that you really would take without further invitation. For you to eat half the contents of the box, as some persons do, would be the height of rudeness.

And, on the other side of the question, if you have a box of candy you should generously open it and pass it to your guests. Candy is a passing joy, anyway, and if you keep the box unopened and eat it all yourself, you will quite likely suffer a headache for your selfish indiscretion.

If a young man brings a young woman a box of candy when he calls on her, it is customary for her to open it immediately, and pass it to him, and to anybody else who may be in the room. — By Mary Marshall Duffee, by McClure Newspaper Syndicate, –1922

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Dinner Do’s and Don’ts

Yum… Bonbons! - The only articles of food that should be touched with the fingers are bread, biscuits, olives, asparagus, celery, bonbons and small whole fruit. 

Dinner Etiquette

• The only articles of food that should be touched with the fingers are bread, biscuits, olives, asparagus, celery, bonbons and small whole fruit. 
• Don’t talk about the food provided. It is bad form. 
• Never cut your bread with a knife. Break it with your fingers. 
• Curry is eaten with a spoon and a fork, vegetable entrees with a fork only. 
• It is a safe rule never to use a knife or spoon if a fork will do. 
• When meat or poultry is placed before you wait for vegetables, sauces, etc…, before beginning. 
• With sweets or anything of that that is complete in itself, begin at once.– Morning Tribune, 1905

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Favorite Bonbon for 1904

“Upon returning to the drawing-room the gentlemen should never cluster round the door, but join the ladies at once, striving to repay the hospitality of the hostess by making themselves as agreeable as possible to the guests. And none but a low-bred clown will ever carry fruit or bon-bons away from the table!” – Above, a Gilded Age, sterling bonbon scoop or bonbon server, for serving sweets — Bonbon- 1796, from the French “bon-bon“ (17th century), childish reduplication of bon “good,” hence “bonbonnière” (1818), “a box for sweets.”

One of the favorite bonbons for dinner this Winter, is an odd but delicious mixture of English walnuts and violets. The walnuts form the interior of the confection, and they are covered with a thick paste of violets. They are quite ornamental, very popular, and, of course, exceedingly expensive. — New York Times, 1904

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia