19th C. Florentine Ball Etiquette

To the stranger in Italian society, a fashionable ball in this city of beauty and art presents many phases of social etiquette, at once novel and picturesque. The invitation consists of an ordinary card with “At Home” written or printed in one corner, with the hour, probably 9 or 10 o'clock.

— photo source, Pinterest  

Habits and Manners of Florentine Ladies of Fashion

To the stranger in Italian society, a fashionable ball in this city of beauty and art presents many phases of social etiquette, at once novel and picturesque. The invitation consists of an ordinary card with “At Home” written or printed in one corner, with the hour, probably 9 or 10 o'clock. On the guest's arrival, even as late as 11 o'clock he is handed “No. 2,” for his carriage. Ladies and gentlemen are alike ushered into a great hall or ante-chamber, sometimes on the ground floor, sometimes on the first, and are waited on by the same attendants, and the fleecy delicate wraps of ladies are arranged beside the rougher garments of the sterner sex. 

There is seldom a mirror before which a belle can pose and exasperate her escort by detaining him in the draughts of the corridor, to take the chances of catching a severe cold. Next, ascent is made by an immensely wide, carpeted stairway, bordered on either side by a wall of blooming azalea and japonica trees, such as are only seen elsewhere at the great balls in Paris, to the drawing-room door, where the host and hostess are always in waiting to welcome their guests, who, on being received, pass along to explore the line of brilliantly lighted salons before the crowd fills them, or seat themselves in a feminine row against the wall, to observe and criticise the guests us they arrive. 

Ices, syrups, cakes, and tea and sandwiches are dispensed from a table or buffet in the dining-room until supper is served, by a throng of gaily liveried lackeys, and refreshments are never expected to be furnished beyond the dining-room door. A bottle of champagne is placed at each plate, as was the custom at the Tuileries, at those grand entertainments given by Napoleon III. A smoking-room is open the entire evening, and as much frequented by ladies as gentlemen. 

When I first saw this, it nearly took my breath away; I don't mean the smoke, which was dense, however; but I was appalled at a custom that has become too familiar in Europe to create surprise, except among strangers. One English lady of high social rank even brought her cigarette out into the drawing-room, aud puffed away among the dancers, entirely at ease and exciting no comment whatever. After the supper and during cotillion, refreshments are passed around and partaken of freely, and at 8 or later in the morning, a hot breakfast refreshes the guests, whose carriages have been ordered at 10, or in some cases, not until noon.— Florence Letter to the New York Tribune, 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Russian Dance Master on Etiquette

Vestoff is quoted as saying that the American gentleman "clasps his partner in his arms like a life preserver and then drops her in a heap in the middle of the floor to dance with some one else."

Ballroom Etiquette of America in Primitive State, Declares Russian Master

Los Angeles knights of the ballroom rally to a man in a sweeping denunciation of the statement made in San Francisco by Veronine Vestoff, a Master of the Imperial School of Dancing in Moscow, that American men do not know how to conduct themselves.

“Idiotic,” “absurd,” “childish,” “the essence of ignorance” are a few of the most delicate replies to the statement. Vestoff is quoted as saying that the American gentleman clasps his partner in his arms like a life preserver and then drops her in a heap in the middle of the floor to dance with someone else."

“Primitive,” he says... 

“Ballroom etiquette,” continued Vestoff, “in America is in a primitive state.” “Let me state that what I feel like saying in reply to Vestoff’s statement certainly would not be suitable for a ballroom function,” said Leo Youngworth today. “He knows absolutely nothing of what he is talking about. American etiquette, while not so superfluous and over-done as the European custom, is nothing that Americans should be ashamed of.

“In America we have been brought up with the idea of utmost respect for women and, although we do not bow and scrape in jewel-bedecked uniforms, we are gentlemen to the core.” “Tell our friend to put his vest back on again,” said W. K. Crawford, “his statements are utterly absurd. I think he is going a little too far when he tells us how to hold hands.”

Not Stiff and Cold
“The American people are themselves at a social function not stiff, cold figures bound by trifling rules of conventionality. Such an attitude does not prove a man is a gentleman.” “I have had the pleasure to attend quite a number of ballroom functions in my time,” said G. H. Ennis, “but never have I witnessed any of the actions that Vestoff says occur in America. “I cannot imagine where he got the idea of the dancing. When he says the gentleman drops his partner to waltz off with another, he probably refers to the old colonial custom so in vogue now of ‘breaking in,’ which means that when there is so large a number of men they are allowed to select their partners without introduction.” — Los Angeles Herald, 1914

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More 19th C. Ballroom Etiquette

If you know a young lady slightly, it is sufficient to say to her, ‘May I have the pleasure of dancing this waltz, etc., with you?’

The author of a recent work on etiquette, published in England, gives the following hints for those who go to balls. He says:—

“When inviting a lady to dance, if she replies very politely, asking to be excused, as she does not wish to dance (‘with you,’ being probably her mental reservation), a man ought to be satisfied. At all events, he should never press her to dance after one refusal. The set forms which Turveydrop would give for the invitation are too much of the deportment school to be used in practice. If you know a young lady slightly, it is sufficient to say to her, ‘May I have the pleasure of dancing this waltz, etc.., with you?’ or if intimately, ‘Will you dance, Miss A—?’ 

The young lady who has refused one gentleman, has no right to accept another for that dance; and young ladies who do not wish to be annoyed, must take care not to accept two gentlemen for the same dance. In Germany such innocent blunders often cause fatal results. Two partners arrive at the same moment to claim the fair one’s hand; she vows she has not made a mistake; ‘was sure she was engaged to Herr A—, and not to Herr B—;’ Herr B— is equally certain that she was engaged to him. 

The awkwardness is, that if he at once gives her up, he appears to be indifferent about it; while, if he presses his suit, he must quarrel with Herr A—, unless the damsel is clever enough to satisfy both of them; and particularly if there is an especial interest in Herr B—, he yields at last, but when the dance is over, sends a friend to Herr A—. 

Absurd as all this is, it is common, and I have often seen one Herr or the other walking about with a huge gash on his cheek, or his arm in a sling, a few days after a ball.

Friendship, it appears, can be let out on hire. The lady who was so very amiable to you last night, has a right to ignore your existence to-day. In fact, a ball room acquaintance rarely goes any farther, until you have met at more balls than one. In the same way a man cannot, after being introduced to a young lady to dance with, ask her to do so more than twice in the same evening. 

A man may dance four or even five times with the same partner. On the other hand, a real well-bred man will wish to be useful, and there are certain people whom it is imperative on him to ask to dance—the daughters of the house, for instance, and any young ladies whom he may know intimately; but most of all the well-bred and amiable man will sacrifice himself to those plain, ill-dressed, dull looking beings who cling to the wall, unsought and despairing. After all, he will not regret his good nature. The spirits reviving at the unexpected invitation, the wall-flower will pour out her best conversation, will dance her best, and will show him her gratitude in some way or other.

The formal bow at the end of a quadrille has gradually dwindled away. At the end of every dance you offer your right arm to your partner, (if by mistake you offer the left, you may turn the blunder into a pretty compliment, by reminding her that is le bras du coeur, nearest the heart, which if not anatomically true, is, at least, no worse than talking of a sunset and sunrise), and walk half round the room with her. 

You then ask her if she will take any refreshment, and, if she accepts, you convey your precious allotment of tarlatane to the refreshment room to be invigorated by an ice or negus, or what you will. It is judicious not to linger too long in this room, if you are engaged to some one else for the next dance. You will have the pleasure of hearing the music begin in the distant ball room, and of reflecting that an expectant fair is sighing for you like Marianna–

“He cometh not,” she said.

She said, “I am a-weary a-weary,

I would I were in bed;”

which is not an unfrequent wish in some ball rooms. A well-bred girl, too, will remember this, and always offer to return to the ball room, however interesting the conversation.

“If you are prudent you will not dance every dance, nor in fact, much more than half the number on the list; you will then escape that hateful redness of face at the time, and that wearing fatigue the next day which are among the worst features of a ball. Again, a gentleman must remember that a ball is essentially a lady’s party, and in their presence he should be gentle and delicate almost to a fault, never pushing his way, apologizing if he tread on a dress, still more so if he tears it, begging pardon for any accidental annoyance he may occasion, and addressing every body with a smile. But quite unpardonable are those men whom one sometimes meets, who, standing in a door-way, talk and laugh as they would in a barrack or college-rooms, always coarsely, often indelicately. 

What must the state of their minds be, if the sight of beauty, modesty, and virtue, does not awe them into silence! A man, too, who strolls down the room with his head in the air, looking as if there were not a creature there worth dancing with, is an ill-bred man, so is he who looks bored; and worse than all is he who takes too much champagne.

“If you are dancing with a young lady when the supper-room is opened, you must ask her if she would like to go to supper, and if she says ‘yes,’ which, in 999 cases out of 1000, she certainly will do, you must take her thither. If you are not dancing, the lady of the house will probably recruit you to take in some chaperon. However little you may relish this, you must not show your disgust. In fact, no man ought to be disgusted “at being able to do anything for a lady; it should be his highest privilege, but it is not—in these modern unchivalrous days—perhaps never was so. 

Having placed your partner then at the supper-table, if there is room there, but if not at a side-table, or even at none, you must be as active as Puck in attending to her wants, and as women take as long to settle their fancies in edibles as in love-matters, you had better at once get her something substantial, chicken, pâté de foie gras, mayonnaise, or what you will. Afterwards come jelly and trifle in due course.

While the lady is supping you must stand by and talk to her, attending to every want, and the most you may take yourself is a glass of champagne when you help her. You then lead her up stairs again

“A young lady often goes down half-a-dozen times to the supper-room—it is to be hoped not for the purpose of eating—but she should not do so with the same partner more than once. While the lady is supping you must stand by and talk to her, attending to every want, and the most you may take yourself is a glass of champagne when you help her. You then lead her up stairs again, and if you are not wanted there any more, you may steal down and do a little quiet refreshment on your own account. 

As long, however, as there are many ladies still at the table, you have no right to begin. Nothing marks a man here so much as gorging at supper. Balls are meant for dancing, not eating, and unfortunately too many young men forget this in the present day. Lastly, be careful what you say and how you dance after supper, even more so than before it, for if you in the slightest way displease a young lady, she may fancy that you have been too partial to strong fluids, and ladies never forgive that."– From Cecil B. Hartley's. “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Ballroom Etiquette for Gents

Never dance without gloves. This is an imperative rule. It is best to carry two pair, as in the contact with dark dresses, or in handing refreshments, you may soil the pair you wear on entering the room, and will thus be under the necessity of offering your hand covered by a soiled glove, to some fair partner. 

Of all the amusements open for young people, none is more delightful and more popular than dancing. Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says: “Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing; but it is one of those established follies to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform; and then they should be able to do it well. And, though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I would have you do everything you do well.”

In another letter, he writes: “Do you mind your dancing while your dancing master is with you? As you will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, I would have you dance it very well. Remember that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of your hand, and the putting off and putting on of your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentleman’s dancing. But the greatest advantage of dancing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of which are of real importance to a “man of fashion.”

Although the days are over when gentlemen carried their hats into ball rooms and danced minuets, there are useful hints in the quotations given above. Nothing will give ease of manner and a graceful carriage to a gentleman more surely than the knowledge of dancing. He will, in its practice, acquire easy motion, a light step, and learn to use both hands and feet well. What can be more awkward than a man who continually finds his hands and feet in his way, and, by his fussy movements, betrays his trouble?

A good dancer never feels this embarrassment, consequently he never appears aware of the existence of his feet, and carries his hands and arms gracefully. Some people being bashful and afraid of attracting attention in a ball room or evening party, do not take lessons in dancing, overlooking the fact that it is those who do not partake of the amusement on such occasions, not those who do, that attract attention. To all such gentlemen I would say; Learn to dance. You will find it one of the very best plans for correcting bashfulness. Unless you possess the accomplishments that are common in polite society, you can neither give nor receive all the benefits that can be derived from social intercourse.

When you receive an invitation to a ball, answer it immediately.

If you go alone, go from the dressing-room to the ball room, find your host and hostess, and speak first to them; if there are several ladies in the house, take the earliest opportunity of paying your respects to each of them, and invite one of them to dance with you the first dance. If she is already engaged, you should endeavor to engage her for a dance later in the evening, and are then at liberty to seek a partner amongst the guests.

When you have engaged a partner for a dance, you should go to her a few moments before the set for which you have engaged her will be formed, that you may not be hurried in taking your places upon the floor. Enquire whether she prefers the head or side place in the set, and take the position she names.

In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, “Will you honor me with your hand for a quadrille?” or, “Shall I have the honor of dancing this set with you?” are more used now than “Shall I have the pleasure?” or, “Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you?”

Offer a lady your arm to lead her to the quadrille, and in the pauses between the figures endeavor to make the duty of standing still less tiresome by pleasant conversation. Let the subjects be light, as you will be constantly interrupted by the figures in the dance. There is no occasion upon which a pleasant flow of small talk is more àpropos, and agreeable than in a ball room.

When the dance is over, offer your arm to your partner, and enquire whether she prefers to go immediately to her seat, or wishes to promenade. If she chooses the former, conduct her to her seat, stand near her a few moments, chatting, then bow, and give other gentlemen an opportunity of addressing her. If she prefers to promenade, walk with her until she expresses a wish to sit down. Enquire, before you leave her, whether you can be of any service, and, if the supper-room is open, invite her to go in there with you.

You will pay a delicate compliment and one that will certainly be appreciated, if, when a lady declines your invitation to dance on the plea of fatigue or fear of fatigue, you do not seek another partner, but remain with the lady you have just invited, and thus imply that the pleasure of talking with, and being near, her, is greater than that of dancing with another.

Let your hostess understand that you are at her service for the evening, that she may have a prospect of giving her wall flowers a partner, and, however unattractive these may prove, endeavor to make yourself as agreeable to them as possible.

Your conduct will differ if you escort a lady to a ball. Then your principal attentions must be paid to her. You must call for her punctually at the hour she has appointed, and it is your duty to provide the carriage. You may carry her a bouquet if you will, this is optional. A more elegant way of presenting it is to send it in the afternoon with your card, as, if you wait until evening, she may think you do not mean to present one, and provide one for herself.

When you arrive at your destination, leave the carriage, and assist her in alighting; then escort her to the lady’s dressing-room, leave her at the door, and go to the gentlemen’s dressing-room. As soon as you have arranged your own dress, go again to the door of the lady’s room, and wait until your companion comes out. Give her your left arm and escort her to the ball room; find the hostess and lead your companion to her. When they have exchanged greetings, lead your lady to a seat, and then engage her for the first dance.

Tell her that while you will not deprive others of the pleasure of dancing with her, you are desirous of dancing with her whenever she is not more pleasantly engaged, and before seeking a partner for any other set, see whether your lady is engaged or is ready to dance again with you. You must watch during the evening, and, while you do not force your attentions upon her, or prevent others from paying her attention, you must never allow her to be alone, but join her whenever others are not speaking to her. You must take her in to supper, and be ready to leave the party, whenever she wishes to do so.

If the ball is given in your own house, or at that of a near relative, it becomes your duty to see that every lady, young or old, handsome or ugly, is provided with a partner, though the oldest and ugliest may fall to your own share.

Never stand up to dance unless you are perfect master of the step, figure, and time of that dance. If you make a mistake you not only render yourself ridiculous, but you annoy your partner and the others in the set.

If you have come alone to a ball, do not devote yourself entirely to any one lady. Divide your attentions amongst several, and never dance twice in succession with the same partner.

To affect an air of secrecy or mystery when conversing in a ball-room is a piece of impertinence for which no lady of delicacy will thank you.

When you conduct your partner to her seat, thank her for the pleasure she has conferred upon you, and do not remain too long conversing with her.

Give your partner your whole attention when dancing with her. To let your eyes wander round the room, or to make remarks betraying your interest in others, is not flattering, as she will not be unobservant of your want of taste.

Be very careful not to forget an engagement. It is an unpardonable breach of politeness to ask a lady to dance with you, and neglect to remind her of her promise when the time to redeem it comes.

A dress coat, dress boots, full suit of black, and white or very light kid gloves must be worn in a ball room. A white waistcoat and cravat are sometimes worn, but this is a matter of taste.

Never wait until the music commences before inviting a lady to dance with you.

If one lady refuses you, do not ask another who is seated near her to dance the same set. Do not go immediately to another lady, but chat a few moments with the one whom you first invited, and then join a group or gentlemen friends for a few moments, before seeking another partner.

Never dance without gloves. This is an imperative rule. It is best to carry two pair, as in the contact with dark dresses, or in handing refreshments, you may soil the pair you wear on entering the room, and will thus be under the necessity of offering your hand covered by a soiled glove, to some fair partner. You can slip unperceived from the room, change the soiled for a fresh pair, and then avoid that mortification.

If your partner has a bouquet, handkerchief, or fan in her hand, do not offer to carry them for her. If she finds they embarrass her, she will request you to hold them for her, but etiquette requires you not to notice them, unless she speaks of them first.

Do not be the last to leave the ball room. It is more elegant to leave early, as staying too late gives others the impression that you do not often have an invitation to a ball, and must “make the most of it.”

Some gentlemen linger at a private ball until all the ladies have left, and then congregate in the supper-room, where they remain for hours, totally regardless of the fact that they are keeping the wearied host and his servants from their rest. Never, as you value your reputation as a gentleman of refinement, be among the number of these “hangers on.” –From Cecil B. Hartley's. “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Balls, Cotillions, Dances

When taking a woman wearing evening dress to a ball or dance, a man should provide a carriage. 

CARRIAGES: When taking a woman wearing evening dress to a ball or dance, a man should provide a carriage. A man should secure his carriage− check when leaving his carriage. It is safer to take wraps and coats to the house in case of accidents.

DRESS: Evening dress is worn by men and women.

DINNER INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations−−one for those invited to both dinner and dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.

For the former, the hostess should use her usual engraved dinner cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way is to use, instead of the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, or Mrs. and Miss card, with the following written in the lower left−hand corner: Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.

INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of regret within one week.

On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt in keeping his appointment.

MEN and ASKING A WOMAN TO DANCE: A man asks for the privilege of a dance, either with the daughter of the hostess or with any guest of the latter or any young woman receiving with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt in keeping his appointment.

It is her privilege to end the dance, and, when it is ended, he should conduct her to her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find her a seat−−after which he is at perfect liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.

DEBUTANTE: At a debutante's reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once, and the others follow.

INVITATIONS: Invitations to balls or assemblies should be answered immediately; if declined, the ticket should be returned. A man should call or leave cards a few days before the affair.

SUPPER: At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided, a man should not sit alone with his partner, but make up a party in advance, and keep together.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him. At supper the senior patroness leads the way, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction. 

 Patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh ~ With a Patroness like the fictional Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who needs enemies?!

PATRONESSES: Their duties are varied and responsible−−among them, the subscription to the expenses of the entertainments.

The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties −−as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball−room, and all other details.

While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.

Those devising new features and surprises for such an occasion will give the most successful ball. The one most active and having the best business ability should take the lead.

Lists should be compared, in order to avoid duplicate invitations.The tickets should be divided among the patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them among their friends. The patronesses should be at the ball−room in ample time before the arrival of the guests, to see that all is in readiness.

They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests. They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last.

If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance.

A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged conversation should be avoided.

A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute. If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others.

They should be the last to leave as well as the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes brilliantly.

SUPPER: The senior patroness leads the way to supper, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.

WOMEN: A woman should always keep any engagement made, if possible. If, for a good reason, it is desired to break one, she should do so in ample time to enable the man to secure a partner.

It is bad form to refuse one partner for a dance and to accept another for the same dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.

A woman may refuse to dance at a public entertainment.

A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man's invitation, unless he first asks permission of her chaperone.

It is not good taste to keep late hours at an informal dance.

In round dances the man supports the woman with his right arm around the waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. Her right hand is extended, held by his left hand, and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, her head erect.

When tired, the woman should indicate a desire to stop dancing.When the dancing ends, the woman takes her partner's arm and strolls about a few minutes. He then conducts her to her seat by her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.

When supper is announced, and the young woman and her chaperone are in conversation with the man who danced with her last, they should accept his offer as escort if they are not already provided with one.

If a woman is without escort when supper is announced, she must rely upon attendants or members of the host's family.

At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided for the supper, the woman should not sit alone at a table with her partner, but she should have others present also.

DEBUTANTE: At a debutante's reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once with her, and the others follow.

DANCES (FORMAL):

A man should seek out those women who, for some reason, are neglected by selfish men, especially unmarried women, and invite them to dance.

HOST: When supper is announced, the host leads the way with his partner, followed by hostess and escort, the rest following.

HOSTESS: She should limit the number of guests to the capacity of the house.

Invitations should include more men than women, for some men may not attend, and of those who do come, some may not dance.

An awning and carpet should be spread from curb to steps. The man stationed at the curb should open carriage doors for arriving and departing guests, distribute carriage− checks, and tell the drivers at what hour to return.

The servant opening the door directs the guests to their respective dressing−rooms.

A small orchestra should be provided and concealed behind palms or flowers.

In the absence of polished floors, carpets should be covered with linen crash, tightly and securely laid, in order to stand the strain of dancing.

Friends may assist in taking care of the guests, making introductions, etc.

SUPPER: Supper may be served at one large table or many small ones, as desired.

DANCES (INFORMAL): Dances of this character lack all possible formality. The invitations may be written or verbal.

Piano music is all that is required, played by one of the family or a professional.

Refreshments of a suitable nature are provided. See also Chaperone. Dances.


DANCING:

At balls all men should dance, and those who do not, have no place there, though invited. "In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, "Will you honor me with your hand for a quadrille?" or, "Shall I have the honor of dancing this set with you?" are more used now than "Shall I have the pleasure?" or, "Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you?" If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor of dancing with you." Samuel R. Wells

Before asking a chaperoned woman to dance, the man should ask permission of her chaperone.

A man should pay especial attention to the women of the house, and invite them to dance as early as possible.

A man should seek out those women who, for some reason, are neglected by selfish men, especially unmarried women, and invite them to dance.

Men should keep engagements a few minutes
before each dance.

If for some good reason it is desired to break an engagement, it should be done so as to leave ample time for the other to secure a partner for that dance.

In round dances, the man supports the woman with right arm about her waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. His left hand holds her right one, both extended.

The woman should indicate when she desires to stop dancing.

All persons should be at a formal dance not later than half an hour after the hour set.

A man should secure his carriage−check. It is safer to take wraps and coats to the house in case of accidents.

GLOVES: Gloves should be worn at formal dances, and should be put on before entering the room.

SHAKING HANDS: It is not customary to shake hands at formal dances.

SMOKING: Smoking should not be allowed in the dressing−room, but a special room should be provided. Men who dance should not smoke until leaving the house. 

Young women should be chaperoned at all formal dances by their mother...

WOMEN. The time for the formal dance is indicated on the invitation, and all should be there not later than half an hour after the time set.

At private dances the maid takes and calls for the young woman in the absence of a male escort.

Young women should be chaperoned at all formal dances by their mother or others.

Introductions should be made as much as possible before the dancing begins.  —From "The Book of Good Manners"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for 19th C. Ballrooms

Draw on your gloves in the dressing-room, and do not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves! 

An evening party is often only another name for a ball. We may have as many and as weighty objections to dancing, as conducted at these fashionable parties, as to the formal dinners and rich and late suppers which are in vogue in the same circles, but this is not the place to discuss the merits of the quadrille or the waltz, but to lay down the etiquette of the occasions on which they are practiced. We condense from the various authorities before us the following code: 

1. According to the hours now in fashion in our large cities, ten o'clock is quite early enough to present yourself at a dance. You will even then find many coming after you.  In the country, you should go earlier. 

2. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves. 

3. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and ask her if she will do you the honor to dance with you. If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor of dancing with you. 

If she has no further objection than a temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him to refuse him and accept the next offer.

4. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse, unless for some particular and valid reason, in which case she can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked a preference for the latter. 

5. When a woman is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in dancing, a man not acquainted with her partner should not converse with her. 

6. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson. 

7. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great elegance, it is better for him to walk through the quadrilles, or invent some gliding movement for the occasion. 

On arrival, one way of finding out how long the ball was going to last was by looking at the length of the candles. The longer the candle, the longer the room would be lit and the longer the ball would last - candles were calibrated to burn for four or six hours, or longer. Candles were not just a necessity but also a sign of wealth and social status as they were an expensive commodity, says Lisa White, who works for the National Trust and is an adviser on authentic illumination. Prof Amanda Vickery "If (Jane Austen's) Mr Bingley was out to impress he would have lots of light, especially wax candles, not just in the chandeliers but all around the room, and he would increase the light with beautiful mirrors to reflect the light as well." Reflecting light from a mirrored surface sounds familiar - could this have been the early origins of the modern disco ball? Beeswax candles were the deluxe choice of the rich, whereas poorer people had to make do with tallow candles. Made out of pig or beef fat, tallow candles gave off a foul smell. –BBC News Magazine

8. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her place, bows, and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She also bows in silence.

9. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of the ball-room (or wall flowers, as the familiar expression is), and should see that they are invited to dance.

10. Ladies who dance much should be very careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to gentlemen of their acquaintance.

11. For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly, denotes decided ill-breeding; the ladies should not occupy those places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do not dance.

12. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure.

13. If you accompany your wife to a dance, be careful not to dance with her, except perhaps the first set.

14. When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the dancing-rooms.

When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.

15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set with her, and may afterward introduce her to a friend for the purpose of dancing.

16. Ball-room introductions cease with the object—viz.: dancing; nor subsequently anywhere else can a gentleman approach the lady by salutation or in any other mode without a re- introduction of a formal character.

This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him to modify them to suit any particular occasion.

A fashionable Ball Costume for 1860

From 1887's,  “How to Behave” by Samuel R. Wells 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia