Gilded Age Etiquette Refinements

A fetching, young Elizabeth Arden, understood more than most women, the importance of refined personal habits (photo circa 1895) Her fundamental belief was that beauty should not be a veneer of makeup, but an intelligent cooperation between science and nature in order to develop a woman's finest natural assets. 

Personal Habits

Neatness in personal habits is the first mark of good breeding that strikes the observer. Not that a dandy is always a gentleman; but an habitual sloven cannot be. The clothing worn at work may be unavoidably soiled; as also the hands, when occupations involve the handling of dirty substances. But "a little water clears us of this deed; how easy is't then!"

The neatly-dressed hair, the fresh clean skin, the well-kept teeth, the smooth polished nails, the spotless linen and the tasteful tie, the well-brushed clothing and the tidy boots, are all points of good form in personal appearance.

The toilet once made should be considered finished. The hands should not stray to the hair to re-adjust hair-pins—an absent-minded habit. The nervous toying with ear-rings or brooches, or dress buttons, is another mannerism to be guarded against. The hands should learn the grace of repose. It is a great triumph of nervous control for a woman to hold her hands still when they are not definitely employed.

If the attitudes of sitting and standing are practiced under the direction of the teacher of "physical culture," one will probably be innocent of such solecisms as thrusting the feet out to display the shoes; sitting sideways, or cross-legged; or slipping half-way down in the chair; or bending over a book in round-shouldered position; rocking violently; beating a noisy tattoo with impatient toes; or standing on one foot with the body thrown out of line, etc., etc.

Scratching the head or ears, and picking the teeth, are operations that are properly attended to in one's own dressing-room. The conspicuous use of the handkerchief is in bad form. Blowing the nose is not a pleasant demonstration at any time, and at the table is simply unpardonable. A person of fastidious taste will take care of the nose in the quietest and most unobtrusive way, and refrain from disgusting other people of fastidious taste.

"Familiarity breeds contempt." Laying the hand upon another's head or shoulder, clinging to the arms or about the waist, is a freedom that only near relationship or close friendship will excuse. Among slight acquaintances it is an unwarrantable liberty. Even at the impulsive "school-girl age" young ladies should be taught to repel such under-bred familiarities. —Agnes H. Morton's 1892, “Etiquette”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Women's Etiquette

Tsk, tsk! Sprawling over the dinner table is neither graceful nor refined behavior for a young woman! She must be located in steerage. She certainly won't be found here in 1st Class.

The table manners of the twentieth century woman are being widely criticised and the worst thing said of them is this—they are not up to the standard of dress and cleverness exhibited by up-to-date femininity. It is true that women have made rapid strides in improvement, but there are those will declare that development has been one-sided. 

Women have learned to dress becomingly and take care of their bodies. They go about a good deal, which gives them self-possession, and read to give them a smattering that passes as smartness. But they are backward in real knowledge and lack the rudiments of politeness which every child used to learn. 

I have occasion to eat often in public places and there I meet instances of ill-breeding that are in marked contrast to the personal appearance of those responsible for them. It ought not to be necessary to be informed that is the first rule in eating and that small mouthfuls are better in more ways than that of comfort. 

Modern etiquette allows women to lean upon their elbows whenever they sit, but sprawling over the dinner table is neither graceful nor refined. The other night I saw a well-dressed woman powder her face with the addition of a tiny mirror before she left a public dining table. Another combed her front hair and others did things quite as baffling. 

It was at a fashionable restaurant where the bad manners were exhibited, and the young women were good-looking and well-dressed. Imagine their home life when they can be so careless in public! If mothers are careless—that is the first cause of bad breeding. They are too busy and too worried to consider the little things of life, they say, so girls grow up without any desire to remedy the maternal faults. 

Their only desire is to have pretty clothes. Generally they must earn them—and while as imitative as monkeys in matters pertaining to dress, they never attempt to copy the marks of good breeding which must come under their notice every day. 

It is so easy to teach little ones the simple manners of refined eating, and habits formed in youth remain so persistently with man or woman that it is unfair to deprive them of so valuable an equipment. One can never tell what piece of good fortune the future has in store, and being prepared to receive it saves both time and uneasiness. 

Good society is rather a stickler for forms, but the fine points of etiquette can easily be added to a bedrock of common rules, their manners should be as fine as our clothes, at least. — Betty Bradeen, Sacramento Union, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Theatricals

Patrons arriving after the rise of certaln will not be seated until after the close of the act in progress at the time of their arrival. This action is taken in justice to those who have cultivated the commendable habit of being punctual.

“They Like to Make a Display”

Theatrical Managers Discuss a Rule to Squelch the Richly Dressed Late-Comers

WHETHER or not the majority who arrive at the theater before the curtain goes up shall be annoyed and have their pleasure interrupted by the minority who come late, is a matter that is attracting the attention of the theatrical managers of the city. The discussion of the subject was brought about by the publication in The San Francisco Call recently of a rule which is fully enforced in Eastern cities. 

In one of the popular theaters of Denver, the adopted rule is as follows: "Patrons arriving after the rise of curtain will not be seated until after the close of the act in progress at the time of their arrival. Accommodations will be provided for seating late-comers in the rear of the theater until that time. This action is taken in justice to those who have cultivated the commendable habit of being punctual." 

While the managers all agree as to the justice and desirability of such a rule and would be as glad to hail its general advent as they were that of the ordinance which made Captain Hottanzi famous, and relegated for all time the big theater hat to its proper place, they do not think it can be made a success in San Francisco. 

"The rule is a very proper one and I sincerely hope some way may be found to bring about its adoption in an effective manner," said J. J. Gottlob of the firm of Friedlander, Gottlob & Co., managers of the Baldwin, Columbia and California theaters. "For instance. you take such plays as were presented by Henry Miller, where the utmost quiet and attention were required for their proper appreciation. It was a gross imposition upon those who arrived promptly to have people come stringing in all through the first act, spoiling the scenes for others and distracting the players. 

"The women are the worst culprits in this respect," continued Mr. Gottlob. "In many instances this late coming is the result of false pride. Some have a beautiful new gown or wrap, and it is necessary that they should come in late so that there can be no possibility of their being overlooked by the other women.

“Yes. I am late. But look at my fabulous new wrap from Paris!”

Then there is that class who are afraid their friends present will not know they are at the theater unless they come in about the middle of the first act, and the higher the price of the ticket, the more such people seem to feel obligated to commit this infraction of the niceties of playhouse etiquette. 

It is hard to regulate such people, because if they could not do these things, the play would have little attraction for them. However, you can take these same individuals under other circumstances and they pride themselves on their politeness and good breeding. 

"Probably the only way such a nuisance can be abolished will be by the force of public sentiment. If these late-comers were convinced that the early comers they so regularly annoy, regard them as ill-bred people who do not know any better, they would soon find it fashionable to be in their seats before the rise of the curtain." "I tried that scheme a part of one evening, and nearly had a riot," said Mark Thall, manager of the Alcazar, "and I am content to let people have their own way in this matter. I am the grandfather of the managers of this coast, and through a lifetime of experience, I have evolved the idea that I don't want to pose as a reformer. 

The other fellows can do that. I believe In conducting my theater in the same manner that a first-class dry-goods house is run— keep what the people want and give it to them without playing favorites. This matter of punctual and late coming is between the playgoers, and if the early comers, who are the majority, cannot suppress the objectionable late comers, it is their own fault. 

The proud Papa who shows up late to the theater, so as to show off his four marriageable daughters.

In this matter, notwithstanding, it would be very delightful to have such a rule accepted. I propose to keep right in the middle of the road. I have had enough of trying to regulate these swelled-head, young bucks who think that because they have bought a seat or two they own the theater. They are the fellows who would block this game, for they have neither manners nor sense." 

"Such a rule could not be successfully applied to a vaudeville house," said Manager Morriaty of the Orpheum, "but if I were running a legitimate house, I would expect to make a failure if I did not protect the best class of my patrons in that way. These late comers don't care for the play. They are the kind of people who will pay $7 to hear Melba, and not arrive until the latter part of the first act. They don't understand the music and don't care to, but they know how to make themselves conspicuous and a nuisance to those who are there to enjoy the attraction." 

The New Comedy Theater has adopted the rule and put it in force successfully on Monday night. "Our theory," said Manager Kllinghouse, "Is to at all times, comply with the wishes of our patrons in every possible way, and in justice to our early comers we are in duty bound to carry out the policy of instructing our ushers to seat the house to the rise of the curtain on the first act, then to keep in waiting until each act is at an end for the seating of patrons that may enter the auditorium, who would then be seated, between acts. 

This policy is being carried to a successful issue in all the leading theaters in the East, and should be adopted by the local theaters of this city. We appeal to our patrons in this cause, as our policy in the future will be carried out as above announced." — San Francisco Call, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Parenting in 1912

Childhood is the most favorable time to develop the little habits we carry through life, and the importance of giving attention to these little habits cannot be too strongly impressed upon the minds of parents of young children.

The Failure of Women To Be the Best Mothers Possible 

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Greatest Work on Earth That a Woman Can Do Is to Guide the Manners and Train the Mind of a Child

If the parents of a rough diamond could only realize the handicap they place in their child by starting him out into the world without polishing him as much as possible, I am sure every parent would do his utmost to add a touch here and a touch there to the personality of his offspring during childhood, for it is during childhood that the little habits are formed, which, taken as a whole, do much to influence his future career and station in life. I refer to habits of tidiness, manners, deportment, carriage, table etiquette, care of the toilet, etc... 

"There comes a time in the life of every child when habits of this class have to be formed, and there is no reason on earth why they should not he formed in such a way that in later years they will not be a source of embarrassment to him." —Herbert A. Parkyn M.D. 

I wish these words by one of America's most gifted physicians and metaphysicians, could be written in letters of gold and hung where every mother and teacher in the land might read them daily. Women are pushing forward their claims for higher recognition and every day, and woman are succeeding in almost all the arts, professions and trades formerly pursued by men exclusively, yet women are almost universally failing to be the best mothers possible. 

You who read these words may take exception to such a statement. Yet, employ your leisure hours the next week in looking about you critically and dispassionately for a really perfect, or even "near perfect" mother of boys and girls of that embryo age, from eight to fourteen. 

From 8 to 14, Children Show Mothers’ Teaching 

It is during that period children show forth the training and teaching which has come to them from close association with their mothers. To again quote from Dr. Parkyn: "There are great possibilities in a new wooden barrel, provided it is empty. It is easy to fill it with syrup or kerosene, or any other liquid. But if a barrel be filled first with kerosene, it is very difficult, so completely to get rid of its impressions on the barrel, that the barrel can be used afterwards for syrup, the barrel, as it were, having formed an auto suggestion, which is hard to overcome. 

A young child's mind is very much like a barrel, so far as its first impressions are concerned. Its mind is an empty thing, waiting to be filled with any kind of impressions, and the impressions of childhood are by far the most lasting. Childhood is the most favorable time to develop the little habits we carry through life, and the importance of giving attention to these little habits cannot be too strongly impressed upon the minds of parents of young children.

So many parents believe that if they teach their children what is right and wrong, from a moral and ethical point of view, clothe them and send them to school, they have done all that is required of them, and that the children will do the rest themselves and make a success in life.” 

Habits Can Be Developed Best During Childhood

Mothers of culture and education are to be found all about us who have allowed their little sons to pass through the formative period of childhood without one distinguishing trait or habit of refined, considerate manhood, and who consider the brusqueness and boorish deportment of their offspring as natural phases of boyhood, which will be eventually outgrown. 

In America, children are allowed to occupy an unnatural position in the home and are permitted to demand favors of their elders, where foreign children gently request to dispute, and flatly contradict, where others would only question or remain silent, and to sit in the presence of their parents and grand-parents without waiting for permission or observing whether any one is discommoded, by their conduct. 

Mothers permit their little sons to interrupt conversation; to enter a room noisily, without removing their hats; to be first at the table, without showing the courtesy of seating the mother or sister or guest, and to air their ideas and opinions aggressively in the presence of older people. 

The very greatest work a woman can do on earth is to guide and train the mind and manners of a little child into gentleness, kindliness, courtesy, consideration, politeness, respect and reverence for whatever is great and good, and to teach the embryo man or woman those small refinements of deportment which mean so much In life. No matter what other work a mother may be doing in the world, if she is neglecting this work, which is the work God has given her, she is miserably failing as an individual and a citizen, as well as a mother. 

Not One Woman in 100 Is a Scientific Mother 

However bright a boy may be in his lessons, however he may excel in the athletic field, he is not growing into admirable and excellent manhood unless he is receiving the delicate and gracious touches of education which a mother should consider it her great privilege to give. 

But this cannot he given in a day or a year, it must he done day by day, and year by year, unobtrusively and tactfully, until the child has absorbed the wholesome and refining system unconsciously. And we do not find one American mother in one hundred who is unselfish and patient enough to bestow so much time and thought on the, profession of scientific motherhood. — Written for The Evening Herald by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Road Etiquette for Bicyclers

The basis of good manners in bicycling, as of good manners in everything else, is common sense and kindness. The whole manual of etiquette might be boiled down into the maxim "Use your head." 

Common Sense and Kindness Are the Basis of Action

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“Use Your Head” the Maxim

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What to Do in Cases of Emergency

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Quite Proper to Speak to a Wheelwoman In Distress Without an Introduction

Now that wheeling has ceased to be a fad and become a part of a normal life, a whole ritual is rapidly becoming as necessary to it, as life in a ball room. The basis of good manners in bicycling, as of good manners in everything else, is common sense and kindness. The whole manual of etiquette might be boiled down into the maxim "Use your head." 

Bicycling is more in need of a set of rules for behavior because of the peculiar conditions under which the sport is carried on. Men and women ride side by side for miles, and while a woman ostensibly, and voluntarily, puts herself on the same footing as her escort, by accepting the same conditions, she is still the weak member of the firm and needs a certain amount of helping to enjoyment and forbearance on hiils. 

One should never let his selfish desire to “plug” up a good hill for instance, pull him away from the aide of a lady whose weaker muscles (as well as a heavier wheel) make it necessary to dismount humbly and meekly at the foot and walk up. Of course, you show her how easy it is, and what a strong rider you are, and you can dismount at the top and wait for her, but it isn't kind. It's lonesome walking hills alone. 

It is always proper to speak to a wheel woman in distress without an introduction, but no service rendered to a woman in the road entitles a man to her acquaintance. 

In following a narrow path the rule is, “ladies first and leave a good distance behind them.” 

If a lady's wheel is so damaged tbat it must be taken some distance for repairs, leave your wheel with her while you take hers to the shop. 

As to the rules of the road, they are pretty well understood. Pass an approaching wheelman, vehicle or pedestrian on the right, and pass anything going in the same direction as yourself on the left. 

When you come up behind anything ring your bell. 

The rule for position has always been “ride on the left hand side of the lady,” and the reason is simply that one may have his good right arm ready to assist her, if it be necessary. Following this reasoning, it would seem that a left-handed man should reverse the position. But there is another reason in this rule for position, which is that riding on the right side of the road, the man is always between the lady and any vehicle that may pass them. 

Should you come up to a wagon at such a time that you will be forced to pass between it and another approaching team, take the lead and in a way, force open a passage for her to come through. Ride near the right hand horse as you pass him and do not pull over to the left until the lady has plenty of room in front of the horse.

At a corner, if you see cyclists on the cross street, go a little slow till you find out which of the three possible courses they mean to take. A slight turn to the left by you gives them a better chance to get by, but too much would cut them off from riding down the street up which you have come. Always be ready to give way rather than sprint by. Don't be ashamed to dismount. 

If you meet a runaway, a brass band and a bunch of wheelmen filling up the whole street, you will be better off on the ground than giving an exhibition of trick riding and fancy dodging. 

Lastly, in the city riding, remember that though the car you see may be going away from you, and you have plenty of time to get by the wagon, that cars on the other track come the other way and that if you are sprinting you may not be able to stop in time to clear the hidden foe. Also, an electric car comes out of a collision in better shape usually than either a man or a wheel.

Go slow and turn to the left till you find out what the other people mean to do. Don't cut them off. Look out for this. Don't try to sprint by the team. There may be a second car on the further track which you can't see. In a case of this kind, dismount. — Los Angeles Herald, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Rules of Etiquette and Politeness

 Good manners inspired by good principles, prompted by good fellowship, polished by good form, will fit one for good society anywhere. 

Politeness consists in repressing ill-natured comments in the first place, not in asserting the contrary afterward. There are a few persons who are rebellious about some rules of etiquette which seem useless for those of high moral caliber; but as other laws are made for the majority, so are those of social convention, especially for those who are prone to transgress. 

Of course, very few of the rules of good form are absolute and unchangeable, and they must be more or less regulated by the standards of the people with whom one lives and the requirements of the place in which one resides. 

The old riddle asks: "What is the keynote to good manners?" The answer: "Be natural." Natural manners are always the most charming, provided that one is well bred, otherwise the self-revelation is unpleasant. 

The "fashionable" manner of today is simple, cordial and free from affectation. Good manners inspired by good principles, prompted by good fellowship, polished by good form, will fit one for good society anywhere. — Los Angeles Herald, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Boarders

Are there any folks with boarding house manners? As a an unpleasant type, let me present the lady who is afraid of Mrs. Grundy. 

Sometimes I think there aren't any, judging by the way in which men and women— and especially women, I grieve to say — conduct themselves as soon as they become "paying guests," the manual of etiquette for the boarding house must be still unwritten.

There is the young person— she deserves the scornful epithet— who considers the house and all it contains simply the happy hunting ground in which she may support herself. She flirts with all the men, eligible or otherwise, sometimes under the eyes of their mothers or their wives; she monopolizes the conversation at the table, interspersing her vacuous remarks with affected giggles and long-drawn-out snickers; she demands always all the attention, all the care, all the favoritism, that are to be had.

Often she travels in pairs, and she makes the night hideous with her attempts at piano-playing end her too uproarious gayety. Then there is the fussy woman, who lives to find fault, and whose idea of entertaining the assembled company is to complain of the way the eggs were cooked that morning and the wretched bed that kept her from sleeping the night before. She it is who must always have her food cooked a special way, who insists on spring water to drink and a particular window to sit by.

Moreover, she is the lady who strolls out into the kitchen to cook her own steak just right, and who dries her hair over the stove and usurps the parlor whenever she has company. Finally, she is the obnoxious creature, who criticises everybody and everything in the place, and whose gossip drives all self-respecting persons away from her vicinity.

As a third unpleasant type, let me present the lady who is afraid of Mrs. Grundy. Not that I am urging lack of proper dignity and care— far from it. But this person— usually a girl from the country— is so afraid of doing something improper that she will do nothing at all; never speaks, never joins in any general plea of amusement, never has been known to laugh and turns a deaf and stony ear to all advances, however well meant.

Of all these types, she is the only one deserving of pity; often she is very lonely and afraid to trust the dwellers in even the best recommended of boarding houses. When, however, she acts in her own peculiar manner simply because she considers herself better than her neighbors, then she merits nothing but scorn, and one cannot help getting impatient.

In any case with the girl who will not I even say “Good morning,” who addresses her landlady in monosyllables and passes one on the stairs with a glassy stare. She does not realize that her passion for propriety is leading her into absolute rudeness; or she does realize it, which is worse.

There are many others, including the “butter-in” on other persons' business; the selfish woman who takes the first and best of everything, and the girl who has no regard in her actions or speech for the good reputation of the house.

And there are men too, who have never learned boarding-house manners — “fresh” men; disgustingly rude men, who bolt their food and knock women off their feet in their brusque rush by them; men who belong to all the types condemned already in women boarders. But, as I said, women are, for some reason, in the majority as bad boarders, and many landladies will not have them at all, through sad experience.

There are hundreds of well-kept, happy, homelike boarding houses in this city; but rest assured, they are not the ones in which the unpleasant boarder finds an abiding place. — San Francisco Call, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette Topics

(Pictured above, a newly weaned piglet, or "shoat")
The coarse husband who causes a watermelon rind to meet behind his ears every time he makes a pass at it, has induced many a trustful wife to view the table manners of the shoat with increasing admiration. 

The watermelon is the cause of more bum table etiquette than the Irish potato served with the jacket on, which has to be impaled at the waist line and disrobed before the eyes of a polite company. 

We don’t know which is worse—the man who inhales a vertical section of watermelon with a gulping intake, like the suction of a steam pump, or the guest who runs a nervous finger over his rear gums in order to round up an overflow of green corn. 

The coarse husband who causes a watermelon rind to meet behind his ears every time he makes a pass at it, has induced many a trustful wife to view the table manners of the shoat with increasing admiration. 

A prominent Eastern society journal conveys the discouraging information that the mold of fashion in New York and Newport, is about to discard the time honored practices of swabbing a piece of rye bread in the gravy, and for wiping one’s fingers on the nearest doily. The decrees of fashion become more cruel and arbitrary every year. — Sacramento Union, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomacy and Etiquette Humor

One of the founders of American publishing firm Random House, Bennet Cerf was also known for his wit, compilations of jokes and puns, and for regular television and personal appearances across the US

The mid-European diplomat was explaining Washington etiquette to his new assistant. "Remember that in these parts,” he warned, “no lady is ever fat. She is just a little short for her weight.”

* * * * *

A very correct young diplomat, newly assigned to his United Nations delegation, surprised everybody by curtly declining an invitation to a big dinner sponsored by the Daughters of the American Revolution. Pressed for an explanation, the diplomat reminded reporters stiffly that his Foreign Office had given him explicit orders to give a wide berth to any kind of revolutionary organization. — Bennet Cerf, 1955

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1960's Travel Etiquette

Do you on planes hang assorted cameras, coats or other accessories including flight bags in your area so that they overlap and create a hazard anyway discomfort for the person behind or in front of you?

How Are Your Travel Manners? Check Yourself

By Gay Pauley UPI Women’s Editor

NEW YORK (UPI)— A tourist is judged by his travel manners and the better they are the better the impression made on strangers at home and abroad. The better also you will enjoy your trip if you exercise the rules of courtesy. 

Good manners add to good service you get too, from the motels, hotels, roadside eating places, airlines, trains and buses. Those catering to the vacationer, if pinned down could give you a list of gripes that long for correction. They are tolerant, because they are seeking the tourist dollar. But, from talking to various persons in the travel industry, we have compiled... 

 Pauley's Easy Guide for Testing Your Vacation Etiquette:

—Do you hog two seats in the bus, train or plane by deliberately placing your coat, purse or other paraphernalia on the second seat, hoping thereby to seal it off? 

—Do you on planes hang assorted cameras, coats or other accessories including flight bags in your area so that they overlap and create a hazard anyway discomfort for the person behind or in front of you? 

—Do you light a cigarette, pipe or cigar without asking whether smoking bothers the person sitting next to you? 

—Do you use the ash tray nearest you or prefer to lean over and use one of your neighbor, dusting ashes as you go? 

—Do you march up to the reception desk of hotel or motel and elbow others aside who are in line ahead of you to register? If you've pushed your way past others a little more patient during a busy tourist season, you’ve just won a top award for crudeness. 

—Do you adapt, if the conditions are not as perfect as promised? Some of the overseas countries are just getting into the swing of seeking you as guest for a holiday and the shower may not always work, the soap supply not be ample. But point out politely that flaw in the service. Creating a scene does not create a favorable impression of Americans. 

—In motor travel, especially in the United States, do you litter the roadside picnic areas as if litter did not hurt? Multiply your left-behind paper plates and cups, soft drink bottles, etc., by the hundreds who will use that picnic area in a given week and you see why some areas of the United States look like one big garbage heap. Crews eventually will pick up after you, but you’re not thinking of the others who want to enjoy the outdoors nor of the multi-million dollars of taxpayers’ money spent on cleanup alone. 

—Do your driving manners show in reverse? Tail-gating, nudging out of your lane at a stop light for a quick getaway when the light turns green... these invite disaster. 

—Do you remember to say, "thank you!" to the filling station attendant, the policeman or anyone else who acts as a free guide? There are a dozen times a day the tourist has a chance to say, "thank you!" and make traveling a treat instead of a trauma. — Madera Tribune, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Spain's Queen

It is understood that the King fairly worships his wife and does all in his power to make Madrid pleasant for her, but the rigid etiquette of the Spanish court is peculiarly galling to the high spirited English Princess 

Queen of Spain Will Be Welcomed on Return “Home” 

Welcome Awaits Queen of Spain

King to Enter Three Yachts in Regattas at Cowes and Ryde 

[Special to the Herald] London, July 1911—

Much interest is felt in the visit of the King and Queen of Spain, as Princess Ena, the Queen, always was popular in England and the news from Madrid which, though toned down for the public is very generally known, has created a great sympathy for her.

It is understood that the King fairly worships his wife and does all in his power to make Madrid pleasant for her, but the rigid etiquette of the Spanish court is peculiarly galling to the high spirited English Princess and then the constant dread for her husband and children has told heartily on her.

It is said her Majesty is never really happy except when she is visiting her old English home. King Alfonso has entered three of his yachts for the racing at Cowes and Ryde, and will probably sail one of them in person. He is not to remain in England more than a fortnight and will then return to his own country.

Queen Ena, on the other hand, will spend a few weeks with her mother on the island, and will then travel to London for a brief visit, occupying the suite of apartments in Kensington Palace that was placed at their disposal a few years ago, by the late-King Edward.

This visit will be of a purely private character. Her Majesty is not expected to take part in any public function. Queen Ena will be accompanied by her three children and upon the conclusion of her visit will return direct to Madrid. — Los Angeles Herald, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Napkin Etiquette at Versailles

The Table Napkin — Curiously enough, that article now considered almost indispensable, the table napkin, was first used only by children and was only adopted by elder members of the family about the middle of the 15th century. In etiquette books of an earlier date than this, among other sage pieces of advice for children, are instructions about wiping their fingers and lips with their napkins. It seems that the tablecloth was long enough to reach the floor and served the grown people in place of napkins. When they did begin to use napkins, they placed them first on the shoulder, then on the left arm and finally tied them about the neck.—Youth's Companion, 1893

French Court Napkin Etiquette

The French court imposed elaborate codes of etiquette on the aristocracy, among them the way to use a napkin, when to use it, and how far to unfold it in the lap. A French treatise dating from 1729 stated that "It is ungentlemanly to use a napkin for wiping the face or scraping the teeth, and a most vulgar error to wipe one's nose with it." And a rule of decorum from the same year laid out the protocol:

"The person of highest rank in the company should unfold his napkin first, all others waiting till he has done so before they unfold theirs. When all of those present are social equals, all unfold together, with no ceremony."

Fashionable men of the time wore stiffly starched ruffled collars, a style protected while dining with a napkin tied around the neck. Hence the expression "to make ends meet." When shirts with lace fronts came into vogue, napkins were tucked into the neck or buttonhole or were attached with a pin. In 1774, a French treatise declared, "the napkin covered the front of the body down to the knees, starting from below the collar and not tucked into said collar."

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Military Academy Etiquette

The Appeal of the Military Academy

A real military school for young boys, where the little fellows can engage in all the activities of military school life without being the tail of a high school kite, appeals strongly to the average parent. If it did not, the story of rapid growth shown in them could never be told. 

Boys may start at a Military Academy in the first grade and take the regular school studies until prepared for high school. In the first three grades at Page Military Academy, they will be under lady teachers and after that men teachers who are college graduates. The classes are so small that students complete a grade and a half during the year and to do less is the exception rather than the rule.

Companionship

One of the strongest factors in moulding a boy's character is the kind of playmates he has. There are no "tough"' boys in the school and they cannot become so while there. The personnel of the student body is of a very high order. There are several boys in this little group that seem to have the elements that will some day make them famous men. 

Home Training 

The boys are given the same careful attention in regard to their bathing, food and etiquette that they receive in the most refined homes. Their clothing is looked after carefully. A father recently appealed to a woman of his acquaintance to look after his motherless son. "Send him to Page Military Academy," said she. "They will look after him better than I possibly could."

Etiquette 

An unceasing effort is made to instruct the cadets in regard to the usages in polite society. Their table manners are carefully scrutinized, and there is just enough supervision of their play to insure they are not going far wrong, without seeming to infringe on natural liberties. A constant war is waged against an indiscriminate use of slang. It is intended that the school life shall be home life: that each boy shall feel free to do whatever he would be allowed to do in a well-regulated home, subject only to such restrictions as are imperative on account of the large number present.

The Page Millitary Academy in Los Angeles has grown rapidly because its patrons have been pleased. When parents have seen their children increasing in mental vigor, developing robust constitutions, attaining high ideals and all the while living happy, healthy, wholesome lives, they have told their friends, who have in turn passed on the story. Thus the school has grown, and it will continue to grow as parents realize the advantages offered. — Los Angeles Herald, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Road Trip Etiquette

"There seems to be no etiquette for motoring, but surely there is nothing that needs laws of good form more than this..."

WHY MOTORISTS BUY ROADSTERS

H.O. Harrison Discusses Etiquette of Motor Car and Points Out Mistakes

The owning of a touring car at times is a serious problem to the man of moderate means. Many an owner takes pleasure in entertaining his friends with his motor car, but has found that holiday trips and extended outings are expensive. The expense has not been so much that of the motor car, but the money that has been paid out for entertaining guests at luncheons, refreshments, and on the more pretentions trips to the hotels. 

A man who takes his family on a day's outing generally provides himself with a luncheon which is enjoyed by his household underneath the shade of some wayside tree. On the other hand, when there are guests aboard, it is generally a much more hurried trip, covering as much ground as possible for the benefit of those being entertained. This means a stop at some of the larger hotels. 

H. O. Harrison of the H. O. Harrison Company, in speaking of the existing conditions, says that if guests would appreciate these facts and act accordingly, invitations for motor trips would be much more frequently given. He said: "There seems to be no etiquette for motoring, but surely there is nothing that needs laws of good form more than this. I have found from personal experience and from data gathered from owners, that the owner, when he furnished the car, pays for gasoline, oil and tires, is bearing his share of tha expense and that the money spent for luncheon, hotels and so forth, should be borne by the guests."

"Then there is the person who always takes the front seat with the driver. This is always the desirable seat in a motor car for riding, and for the view, yet how often do you see a person start out in this seat at the beginning of a trip and never give it up until home is reached again? Not once do such persons ever offer or insist upon exchanging with some one in the tonneau." 

"These are but two points that come to mind. There are many other niceties of life, which, if overlooked in the daily social intercourse, would stamp one as a bore and a cad. The phenomenal development of the motor car has been so rapid that through the rush of enjoying it, owners and guests have, through thoughtlessness, overlooked little things which would greatly enhance the pleasures of motoring." 

"Now that the automobile has become an accepted mode of conveyance it is up to the dictators of good form to lay down rules which will clearly define the position of the owner and guest to one another, just as it has been done in yachting." 

"When this is done, those deserving of an invitation will find that their presence will be welcomed in their friends' motor cars. It is for this reason that the roadster has become so popular." — San Francisco Call, May 8, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Restaurant Napkin Etiquette

“Haircut or shave, sir?” — Past toddlerhood, bibs are not allowable according to to currently accepted etiquette standards, unless one is dining on lobster in its shell and the restaurant provides special bibs, or one is dining in a theme establishment at which diners are encouraged to wear napkins tucked in at the neck.

The efficient Henry, major domo of New York’s posh Barberry Room, was pained to note that one diner, evidently unfamiliar with the etiquette of dining in high society, had tucked a big napkin under his chin, preparatory to tackling an order of goulash-with-noodles. 

How to tell the gauche fellow that he was doing the wrong thing without hurting his feelings? Henry figured out a way. He tapped the diner lightly on the shoulder and inquired politely, “Haircut or shave, sir?”

 * * * 

A customer had been trying in vain to get some service in a crowded midtown restaurant one lunchtime. Finally he beseeched the major domo, "Can't you change my table, please? I'd appreciate something nearer a waiter.” — By Bennett Cerf, Distributed by King Features, 1962

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Opera Etiquette Humor

Tell those around you how much better the opera was done at the Grand Opera in Paris. You will thus get a reputation as a savant.

Rules of Etiquette for the Opera

Arrive late and take your seat ostentatiously. Calmly survey the house and remark in a ringing voice that there seems to be a very ordinary lot of people present. You will thus impress people with a sense of your importance.

If you see friends in another part of the house, wave your arms gracefully in token of recognition and tell the dress circle how well yon think "Gladys" is looking. It will please the audience if you thus take them into your confidence.

Tell a few sprightly anecdotes about prominent singers who have met you and confide in those within fifity feet of your seat that Caruso doesn't seem to be in as good form as he was three years ago.

Keep up a running fire of comment during the solos, passing blithely from topic to topic until you have exhausted them. If the hoi polloi glare at you simply smile pityingly at them, for they know no better.

Yawn ostentaciously once in a while in order that the common people may infer that you have attended Grand Opera so often, that it has become a bore. Tell those around you how much better the opera was done at the Grand Opera in Paris. You will thus get a reputation as a savant.

By following these simple instructions you will be enabled to create a pleasant diversion for those on the stage and break up the tedium of those who came to hear the music. — John T. McCutcheon, 1911

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1912 Office Etiquette Advice

"Be Courteous and Considerate" 

"DROP FASCINATIONS IN BUSINESS"

Advice to Women,

 by Stage Actress, Rose Curry

"Forget to be fascinating when you go into an office. This," says Rose Curry, "Is the keynote to success for business women. The etiquette of the office is clearly drawn and it is quite different from the etiquette of society, although its restrictions are along somewhat different lines."

"Girls who would succeed and would keep the respect of others, as well as maintaining their own personal pride, should lay aside those little airs and fetching ways that are so becoming in the drawing room or parlour. 

Do not remind men with whom you come in contact that you are a woman. But do not go to the other extreme. Be courteous and considerate, but do nothing that will appear to be a bid for homage from your male associates in the office. 

What about office flirtations? "Well, I wasn’t in an office very long, but I think that all employers know by the manner of the girl, whether she is there for work or frivolities, and the serious minded, earnest girl who desires to support herself in a dignified businesslike manner, may do so without thought of interruption.” — Los Angeles Angeles Herald, 1912

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More Golf Etiquette

The world famous championship Pebble Beach Golf tournament is open to the public under Country Club rules. To fellow Country Club rules on all public courses is big advantage to every golfer on the grounds. 

Consider Others on the Course 

By Alix J. Morrison, Author of “A New Way to Better Golf,” Teacher of Champions 

Conduct on the golf course is most important to all golfers. Let me tell you why. Briefly, you get out of golf just what you put into it. This point was constantly emphasized in my early apprenticeship as clubmaker and assistant pro.

This training was had at the Los Angeles Country Club, one of the best golf plants, always operated under highly efficient management, with a large, exclusive, yet democratic, membership. Everything about this exceptionally fine club proved that it paid to observe the rules and etiquette of golf.

I soon learned that all club swingers do not believe this. In serving as manager-pro at a public course, I had to deal with many hackers who persisted in being exceptions to all rules. This amazing experience strengthened my conviction about the advantages to all golfers through applying the Golden Rule.

• • • 

More recently my advice was sought about the management of a privately-owned course that is open to the public. I stressed the point held in the Del Monte operation of Pebble Beach —a course open to the public does not have to be run or treated as a public course.

Fundamentally it is a matter of individual deportment. Seemingly you have gotten away with something when you exceeded the speed limit without being caught by the highway police. But you'll never get away with infractions of the official rules and etiquette in golf.

• • • 

Every infraction is as obvious as stripes on a zebra. Even if you break a rule when nobody is around to see you, there remains that factor of self. The more proficient you become at kidding yourself, the less you’re apt to know about what you have actually done. And this must come before you can have any real knowledge of what you can do next.

Golf affords you countless opportunities to show due consideration for others. Learn that by so doing you greatly improve yourself and your game. — The Desert Sun, 1955

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia