American Royal Maid of Honor

The appointment is to be given to the Countess of Strafford in honor of the signal services performed by her late husband and his family to the Royal family of Great Britain. The Earl of Strafford, it will be remembered was killed almost a year ago by a train, some say by accident, others claim by design

AN AMERICAN MAID OF HONOR

This Coveted Position in Queen Victoria's Household is to be Given to a Former New York Beauty

The news comes from England that an American girl is soon to be appointed as one of the Maids of Honor to Queen Victoria, and that this master stroke of good fortune will fall upon the head of the Countess of Strafford, who was before her last marriage, Mrs. Colgate, widow of a New York millionaire.

The appointment is to be given to the Countess of Strafford in honor of the signal services performed by her late husband and his family to the Royal family of Great Britain. The Earl of Strafford, it will be remembered was killed almost a year ago by a train, some say by accident, others claim by design.

A COVETED POSITION

Few women, even those high in social circles, know the requirements of a Maid of Honor to a Queen. Everyone knows, however, that it is a grand-sounding title and one greatly sought after, since the advantages of such an appointment, independent of the honor, are many.

Two thousand dollars seems a goodly return for three months’ service in the year, and the privilege to enjoy for life the courtesy title of “Honorable,” so one can readily understand why the number of applicants is so great whenever a vacancy occurs among Her Majesty’s eight Maids.

Yet it is quite a mistake to suppose that the duties are merely nominal, The demands on the patience and bodily strength of a Lady-in-Waiting are incessant. Perhaps it will be interesting to follow her day through, and so judge for ourselves.

Only two Maids are in waiting at a time, and these divide the duties between them, in obedience to the Queen's wishes.

To a nervous girl the first day's service in the royal apartments is indeed. an ordeal. As soon as Her Majesty’s private secretary is dismissed, she is summoned to read aloud selections from the morning papers. 

Often the choice is left to herself, and great discrimination and tact are necessary in deciding those paragraphs which will interest and not bore her gracious listener.

Then comes a drive of one to two hours often a very dreary drive in which absolute silence reigns, unless Her Majesty presents a question or desires to engage in conversation,

The Maid of Honor generally takes luncheon with the household, but is often called upon to join the Royal party, where even eating becomes a duty of state.

The customs of court etiquette are very trying to a naturally high-spirited woman. She is not permitted to speak unless spoken to.

TRYING AT TIMES

This is the hardest duty of all the suppression of her own thoughts and opinions, the subduing of impulses and characteristic traits; to be nothing but a cipher in the Royal Court, and an echoer of royal remarks.

After luncheon Her Majesty rests for an hour, and it is the Maid’s duty to see that she is undisturbed, and that absolute quiet reigns in and around the Royal apartments.

When her services are no longer required, she retires to her own suite of rooms, where she is expected to remain within call.

Permission must be first obtained before a Maid of Honor can receive a friend or relative, and on no account may she absent herself from the Castle whilst Her Majesty is within.

The Queen is very particular with regard to dress, and has preference for plain, dark colors for morning use.

Her Maids, as a rule, are careful to consider her taste in all matters where their appearance and dress are concerned. Each must provide herself with a complete set of Court mourning costumes and Court gowns, and as fashions vary, and the Queen is much given to change, the greater portion of the two thousand dollars must be spent on dress.

In the afternoon and evening the Maid may be expected to play and sing, to talk when desired – not a very easy accomplishment – and to otherwise entertain her Royal mistress. Not infrequently she is asked to join the Royal dinner party, and as many things of grave importance are discussed in her hearing, she is bound over to strict secrecy with regard to the doings and sayings at Court.

Thus a Maid of Honor – a woman to whose sex a secret is generally thought to be impossible - must guard every confidence of the Royal family, and lock every secret up safe within her heart: the term, “Maid of Honor,” seeming to have in this case a double meaning.

Perhaps the most trying point about the work of a Maid of Honor is that she is never able to sit down except by the desire of her Royal mistress.

The long hours of standing – so severe on a delicate woman's constitution – are the greatest hardship of the day. much more fatiguing than hours of mental or physical work: for, except when driving or when bidden to join the Royal table, a Maid of Honor may never voluntarily take a seat in the presence of Royalty. – San Jose Herald, 1900

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Etiquette and Photographers

Catherine, the current Princess of Wales, is an avid photographer herself. One cannot imagine her requiring such formality of etiquette as that from Princess and future Queen, Alexandra, nearly 130 years ago, when dealing with a royal photographer in 2025. It would be easier to imagine the Princess discussing camera and photography tips with the photographer. – Image source, Wikipedia

Royalty at the Camera

When the Princess of Wales visits the photographer she usually arranges that her sitting shall take place in the morning. A special studio is set apart for the Princess and other members of the royal family. It is approached by a private door, which leads to an ante-room provided with easy chairs and a plentiful supply of illustrated papers. 

A small chamber is fitted up as a dressing room, and here is to be found a maid from Marlborough House, who has preceded her royal mistress with a dressing case containing, brushes and other toilet accessories. The Princess, having discussed the position in which she is to be taken, arranges herself and the operation proceeds. 

It is the etiquette on these occasions for the photographer to address any remark he may have to make, to the Lady in Waiting in attendance, who in turn addresses the Princess, who replies through her also. But it is, needless to say, that etiquette is dispensed with by the Princess in many cases. – London Letter, 1896

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Palace Arrogance

“The Queen rose herself and, with her own hand, performed the act which her haughty attendants had felt was below their dignity.” – Court Ladies or Ladies in Waiting were personal attendants/personal assistants at a royal court. These ladies attended and accompanied Queens, Tsarinas, Empresses and other noblewomen. In Europe, historically, Ladies in Waiting were noblewomen themselves, but of a lower rank than the women they attended.

The Queen’s Haughty Attendants

Court etiquette is a fearful and a wonderful thing. It is told that on one occasion when the lamp in Queen Victoria's sitting room at Osborne was smoking, her majesty appealed to one of her Ladies in Waiting to lower the wick a trifle. The lady appealed to declined to recognize turning down a lamp as one of her official duties. She passed the information about the lamp to the next Lady in Waiting, who told the third lady, and so it traveled from attendant to attendant while the moments fled and the smoke continued to ascend. Finally, the Queen rose herself and, with her own hand, performed the act which her haughty attendants had felt was below their dignity. – San Bernardino Sun, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Princess Punctilia and Etiquette

Former Danish Princess and future Queen of England, Alexandra, was wife of the Prince of Wales (future King Edward VII) in 1886. ~ The “Princess of Wales” (in Welsh, “Tywysoges Cymru”) is a British courtesy title. It is held by the wife of the “Prince of Wales,” who is, since the 14th century, the heir apparent of the British monarch.

In his entertaining sketches of  “Aristocracy in England,” Adam Badeau says of the Princess of Wales: 

She lives in forms and naturally thinks much of them. Her personal attendants are required to observe every punctilia. She goes through her own part and expects them to do the same. The Royal yacht was once arriving at Cowes with the Prince and Princess aboard, and an immense concourse awaited them at the landing. But the Princess had been seasick all day and was not recovered when the Prince himself came to fetch her to meet the multitude. Her ladies assured his Royal Highness that their mistress was unable to stand. But the excuse could not be accepted ; the people must not be disappointed, and the Princess was decked in her jewels between the paroxysms of sickness and pale and faint, was led out to courtesy and smile to her future subjects. 

If etiquette is this inexorable for the mistress, it is, of course, never relaxed for the maid. A Countess, whose name is well known in America, was in attendance on the Princess at Osborne, when a friend of mine went to call on her. The guest was received in a bedroom, for there was no other place reserved for the Ladies-in-Waiting, and they could not, of course, entertain their friends in the apartments of Royalty. While the two ladies were talking, a summons came for the Countess  The Princess was going to bathe. “But, my dear, you do not bathe because the Princess does?” “Certainly I do.” “But you are not well ; you may be injured.” “Ah! my dear, I am in waiting.” And, as there was but one room, the visitor was obliged to leave, while the Countess dressed to attend the Princess in her bath. – Daily Alta California, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and a New Royal for 1910

Alexander William George Duff, and Princess Louise Victoria, the Duke and Duchess of Fife, photographed in period costumes for a fancy dress ball. ~ The Duchess of Fife expressly desired that after her marriage she should not be under the necessity of having a “household” in the sense that the word is understood at Court, and she did not appoint a Lady-in-Waiting. But it would be contrary to etiquette for the daughter of the Sovereign to attend any public or even large social function unattached, but she can ask one of her friends to act as Lady-in-Waiting for the occasion. –Photo by James Lauder for the Lafayette Company

England’s New Princess Royal...

Unostentatious Life of Louise Victoria, Duchess of Fife

The late King Edward VII, was especially fond of his oldest daughter, Louise Victoria, Duchess of Fife, who, with the ascent of her brother to the throne becomes the Princess Royal of England, succeeding her aunt, Princess Victoria Adelaide. Though the English royal family have been singularly happy and fortunate in their marriages none has proved happier than the marriage between the King's eldest daughter and the Duke of Fife, despite the fact that the Duke is nigh 17 years the senior of her Royal Highness. 

The Cincinnati Enquirer says: The marriage was the outcome of the most spontaneous affection; the Duke of Fife had known the Princess since she was a baby, for he was an intimate friend of the royal family, and was especially well liked by his Majesty. As the young Princess grew from childhood into girlhood it became evident to those in the immediate entourage of the Prince of  Wales’ household that there was a probability of the then Earl of Fife becoming more closely related to the royal family than by more ties of friendship, and the Prince frankly welcomed the prospect. But an engagement between a member of the royal family and a subject cannot be lightly entered into, or ratified all at once. It was necessary that the sovereign should consent to the engagement and the Princess and her lover were kept in hot water some little while before Queen Victoria finally decided that the engagement between them might be announced. 

There was no question at all about the personal feeling with which the royal family regarded the Duke of Fife, but the point that had to be considered was how far the marriage of the heir apparent’s eldest daughter to a subject, might prove generally acceptable to the public. As a matter of fact, when the engagement was announced, it became at once evident that there was no need to fear for its popularity. All sections of the community seemed to think it far more fitting that the Princess Royal should ally herself in marriage with the head of an ancient and noble house, who was also enormously wealthy, than become the consort of some foreign, and perhaps needy, Prince. 

The Duke’s best man was, by the way, Lord Farquhar, then Mr. Horace Farquhar, a solitary commoner amidst a crowd of titled personages, most of whom were royalties. The Duchess of Fife ever since her marriage has led a singularly simple and very happy life. When a Princess marries it is customary for her to have an official household of her own and to appoint a certain number of Ladies-in-Waiting. But the Duchess of Fife expressly desired that after her marriage she should not be under the necessity of having a “household” in the sense that the word is understood at Court, and she did not appoint any Lady-in-Waiting. It would be, however, contrary to etiquette for the daughter of the Sovereign to attend any public or even large social function unattached, but when the Duchess of Fife does so, she gets over this difficulty quite easily by asking some one of her friends to act as Lady-in-Waiting for the occasion. 

The Duchess spends a great deal of her time at Mar Lodge, where her two children, the Princesses Alexandra and Maud, lived almost altogether until they had reached the ages of 7 and 8. The Princesses have been brought up in quite a simple manner; they both occupied the same sleeping apartment for many years and had only the services of one maid. The Duchess of Fife has traveled a great deal with her children of late years, for she is a strong believer in the educational value of travel for young people. Both of her children are clever and extremely good linguists, but more especially the Princess Maud, who can speak quite fluently in French, German and Italian. – Mill Valley Independent, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia