Gilded Age Introduction Etiquette

Another bit of etiquette equally well defined is that a lady, after a gentleman has been introduced to her, should, on another meeting, recognize him first, it being her prerogative to drop the acquaintance if she sees fit. This bit of etiquette, however, is apt to be ignored, women instinctively falling into the habit of waiting for men to take the initiative in recognition, as everything else. Women frequently complain of the discourtesy of men in this matter, while the latter are merely observing the form of courtesy which etiquette has ordained.

Although it is an established rule of etiquette that persons meeting in society are at liberty to speak without an introduction when they know each other by sight, Americans are not very likely to do so; however familiar they may be with the rule. While it devolves on the host and hostess to introduce their guests, they cannot, of necessity, introduce more than a part of them; hence part of the duty falls upon the guest themselves. The awkwardness, even the anoyance of repeatedly meeting men and women with whose names and faces you are entirely familiar, but to whom you have not been introduced, is constantly observable in social circles. The presumption that members of the same calling, or of the same set, always know each other is entirely unwarranted. 

Even should they know each other, it can do no harm, if there be any doubt in the introducer’s mind, to represent them. It is easy to say: “ I suppose, Mrs. or Miss—, you are acquainted with Mr.—” or “No doubt, Mr.—, you have met Mr.—.” If the parties have been introduced, the offered courtesy will not be superfluous or embarrassing. If they have not been, the politeness is well-timed. The absence or neglect of this attention has a tendency to create a sort of antagonism between persons visually acquainted who have met again and again without recognition. Each is inclined to think: “He knows me very well, but he will not speak. If he feels so, I am sure I will not be the one to speak first.” 

We have known persons of prominence, men particularly; to encounter one another at parties and receptions through a whole season without an introduction. Having many friends in general, and being constantly thrown together, the mistake is naturally made that they are acquainted. Another bit of etiquette equally well defined is that a lady, after a gentleman has been introduced to her, should, on another meeting, recognize him first, it being her prerogative to drop the acquaintance if she sees fit. This bit of etiquette, however, is apt to be ignored, women instinctively falling into the habit of waiting for men to take the initiative in recognition, as everything else. Women frequently complain of the discourtesy of men in this matter, while the latter are merely observing the form of courtesy which etiquette has ordained. -Scribner's Monthly, 1875

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Art of Introductions

When meeting the fabulous looking new neighbors, please invite them to join your card game. —  "The ceremony of introduction may be said to form the threshold of that much-sought-after state which has been defined as "the intercourse of persons on a footing of apparent equality." 

The Custom of Introductions; Its Uses and Abuses in Society And Every Day Life

As the home is known as the foundation of society, so the ceremony of introduction may be said to form the threshold of that much-sought-after state which has been defined as "the intercourse of persons on a footing of apparent equality." 

In the cities and towns of cosmopolitan America, with few exceptions, this threshold is somewhat carelessly guarded by society at large, which accounts in a large measure for the presence of many undesirable people and manners, in even the inner circles of what is known as "good society." 

Few, perhaps, of what might be called the fundamental ceremonies of society, demand more care, thought and tact than the function of making two or more people acquainted with each other, especially if the person introduced should chance to be a "stranger within the city's gates" or beneath the roof where the new addition to one's calling list may be made. 

On the other hand, thousands of people believe that a casual and friendly introduction, under almost any circumstances, can hurt no one, but the fact remains that the etiquette of that tribunal known as the "upper circles" frowns down most decidedly the custom of indiscriminate introductions. 

At the same time, it must be confessed, that so-called "exclusiveness" is often the handmaid of vulgarity, and snobbishness is often rebuked by the well-bred person, who feels that it is better to sin against formal etiquette than to do anything that is unkind. 

Common sense and tact must largely interpret all etiquette, but in the matter of formal introductions, particularly those that may launch the waiting aspirant upon the sea of social life, perhaps above all other qualities, these may be used freely to obtain the happiest and most to be desired results. — Los Angeles Herald, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Art of Introduction

"The debatable question as to whether a woman should shake hands with a man who is being presented to her, has been solved by making it only obligatory, for the woman to offer her hand to the man when the occasion is informal, and the man is being introduced to one person at a time."

Art of Introduction

There are few people who have not suffered at one time or another by the off-hand manner in which they were introduced to others. This kind of introduction is likely to embarrass some people, just as the careful and gracious introduction is one of the essentials in putting strangers at ease.

In introducing people the greatest care should be taken to pronounce both names distinctly.  If one name has escaped the introducer's memory it is safest and best to excuse oneself, and ask for the forgotten name. The most delicate sensibilities should not be wounded by such a slip of memory, for who is there who has not at some time or another quite forgotten a well-known name?

The debatable question as to whether a woman should shake hands with a man who is being presented to her, has been solved by making it only obligatory, for the woman to offer her hand to the man when the occasion is informal, and the man is being introduced to one person at a time. When he is meeting a group of people, it makes it embarrassing and awkward to shake hands with all. – Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Introductions

It is quite unnecessary to introduce a newcomer to the guests already assembled during an afternoon call. She should be presented to one or two near her, but the whole room need not be broken up by her arrival, as it would be were she to meet all those present. (Unless, of course, she was invited by mistake to embarrass the family and the new daughter in-law needs to rescue her philandering new father in-law.)

When Introducing Strangers...


Presenting persons to each other is one of the little courtesies of daily life so simple that it should be done correctly without effort. The rules are inflexible, chief among them being that the man is always presented to the woman — that is to say, the form is such that the woman during the presentation is usually asked if Mr. So-and-So may be introduced to her. The introduction may be put in the form of a question, as "Mrs. So-and-So, may I present Mr. Smith to you?" or, "Mrs. So-and-So, I wish to present Mr. Smith to you." The hostess never says to the man: "I wish to present Mrs. So-and-So."


It is a rule that the younger woman is always presented to the older one, and an unmarried woman to a married one. A young man, of course, is always presented to an older one. It is the courtesy due to age.


One making the introduction cannot be too particular in mentioning names, and they should always bo given clearly. It is exceedingly trying for two persons not to know what to call each other. In the case of a married woman presenting a person to any of her relatives the greatest care should be taken to call the name, but altogether to often one hears the matron say: "I want to present you to my sister," or "aunt," or "mother," quite failing to say what the name of the relative is, and the stranger knows that it is not that of the married woman.


It is not necessary nor, indeed, expected that a woman shall rise to speak to the newcomer, unles the latter should be older. Youth always rises for age if one is courteous. The hostess stands to welcome a new arrival, but the others merely bow as they sit. A woman never rises to greet a man unless she is hostess or unless she wishes to pay him a special compliment. The only exception in this is when the woman is very young and the man many years her senior.


Shaking hands is a custom much fallen into disuse and is omitted at the usual first meeting, if the two people being introduced are intimate friends of the hostess they are apt to have heard of and have an interest in each other, and express cordiality by shaking hands. A man should never offer his hand first to a woman, but should he do it, a woman should take it. To refuse is more than awkward. A hostess or host is apt to shake hands with the guests of their house simply because it makes their greeting more hospitable, but it is not obligatory. If it were possible to sum the this fixedly, one would say that with friends one shook bands because one wished to, and to acquaintances merely bowed. But this is not a fixed principle of etiquette. There is much leeway.


It is quite unnecessary to introduce a newcomer to the guests already assembled during an afternoon call. She should be presented to one or two near her, but the whole room need not be broken up by her arrival, as it would be were she to meet all those present.–Los Angeles Herald, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia