Etiquette for Easter Sunday

                                

The Disgruntled Heart and the Sour Countenance Have no Place at Easter

Etiquette for Easter Sunday? Ah, me, how many sermons might be written on the subject, for when is there a moment for more scrupulous behavior. The book of mere politeness may not say much about it – indeed, I am sorry to say, cut and dried politeness rarely touch upon the holier things. 

But upon the four walls of the church, which is so solemnly and jubilantly chanting its praise to God for everlasting life is written in letters of deathless fire, all the sublime meaning of Easter. To the heart and mind, too, that can see at all there is all the world rejoicing for the one thing that the tomb of Joseph or Arimathea has given up its dead. 

Etiquette for Easter Sunday

It begins with some faith in this great story; or else in a beautiful, even reverential respect for all those who have it. It continues with gratitude for the new life that is shown in field and tree, in a freshened heart for all earth; in a love that strives to forget self in all the little dealings, at home and abroad, with mere existence.

The disgruntled heart and sour countenance, then, have no place with Easter joy any more than has the willful conduct that mocks at a neighbor's piety. Granted we are sometimes denied faith, common sense, the more fire of spring, will tell us that we have much to rejoice for. The garment of the winter-locked earth has been made over - bud and leaf are near to tell us, too, that old fears may pass. And lovely music and resplendent flowers of churches are telling us more; the that there must be something in a story that loses no whit of its beauty after 2000 years, sublime.

So much for the conduct of the heart and mind on Easter Sunday. But if we cannot tune our spirits to the diviner appeal let us at least consider the common decencies, It is the height of bad taste to allow the tinkling of profane piano tunes - as all music not sacred is - in a church - going neighborhood on Easter Sunday. And the man or woman who goes to divine service only on this day and entirely for the purpose of hearing the fine music and seeing the flowers and fashions must be careful of his or her conduct in the house of prayer. 

It is customary for non-church members to wait at the back of the church upon entering until an usher comes forward to seat them; for if they assume the right to seat themselves they may be obnoxious to conservative pew holders. This resentment may seem incompatible with piety on the part of the church members, but those persons may have invited friends to their pews and the presence of strangers coming ahead of these would doubtless cause considerable embarrassment later on. – The Morning Union, 1914

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Different Faiths

Depiction of a traditional Jewish marriage ceremony, by R. Taylor. —“People of all cultures are coming into contact more frequently, and that includes at one another’s religious ceremonies,” says book publisher, Stuart Matlin. “We all have relatives of different faiths. It is increasingly common for people we know, and people we work with, to invite us to their life cycle events. We all want to do what is expected of us.”

What Miss Manners Didn’t Tell You

The things Miss Manners forgot to tell us about religion are enough to fill a book.

But despair not. Much of what’s missing can be found in “How to Be a Perfect Stranger” (Jewish Lights), a new guide to religious etiquette that helps guests avoid the ecclesiastical equivalent of eating a blintz with a berry spoon.

Picture it: You go to the graveside service of a Quaker funeral and discover you’re not invited. It’s for family only.

You fail to attend the internment ceremony of a Mormon funeral. Later you learn that the family expected you.

“People of all cultures are coming into contact more frequently, and that includes at one another’s religious ceremonies,” says the book’s publisher, Stuart Matlin. “We all have relatives of different faiths. It is increasingly common for people we know, and people we work with, to invite us to their life cycle events. We all want to do what is expected of us.”

The book focuses on special-occasion rituals rather than weekly services. Along with a brief description of the rituals and the beliefs behind them, the guide explains appropriate behavior for guests, including proper attire, gift giving, the correct time to arrive and leave, and whether to sit, stand or kneel.

For the most meticulous, the guide provides a list of suggested reading. For others, there is information about which denominations do and do not allow picture taking during services. (Greek Orthodox churches say it’s OK; most others say it’s not.) Every category is included under each of the 20 faith traditions in the book, which makes interfaith comparisons easy.

As expected, America’s largest denominations are included (Catholic, Baptist, Muslim). So are the mainline churches (Episcopalian, Presbyterian). But what qualifies as good behavior for smaller religious traditions is also described.

“We didn’t find that most people in this country have a lot of contact with Quakers and Hindus,” Matlin says. “But there was so much interest, we decided to include them.” Correct form at a Hindu cremation ceremony includes proper attire. Black clothing is not right; most Hindus wear white.

Quakers have special requirements for guests at their traditional Quaker meetings, where members give spoken testimony of their religious experiences. No one is allowed to leave the meeting house during a meeting--especially when someone is speaking.

Some of the most useful advice relates the correct way to greet clergy at a religious service. For example, a Muslim leader is addressed by the title, imam. Ministers and preachers in the Church of Christ do not use any titles; they simply use their proper names.

Some questions the book answers were not easy to get.

“There were some things no one we interviewed wanted to talk about,” says Matlin, who explains that all facts and figures were gathered through questionnaires filled out by a religious leader from each tradition.

“People felt awkward talking about the appropriate amount of money to put in the collection plate,” Matlin says. Still, they did talk. The usual amount is $1 to $5.

There is also the delicate matter of which parts of a service are not open to guests. At some Christian services, church members share bread and wine, or juice, as a communion meal. One tradition considers the meal sacred while another sees it as a symbol of sharing. This affects whether communion is offered to everyone, or only to Christians, or only to members of one particular denomination. Lutherans invite only Lutherans to take part in their communion. Presbyterians invite all. The United Church of Christ varies from parish to parish.

The most sensitive topic in the book has to do with grieving, Matlin says. “There are enormous subtleties in the ways different religious traditions pay respects. In Orthodox Judaism, for example, sending flowers would be a terrible mistake. The custom is to personally come and express condolences.”

A resident of rural Woodstock, Vt., Matlin was a management consultant before he founded Jewish Lights publishing five years ago. His frequent invitations to Catholic and Protestant ceremonies, his wish to say the right thing to his Christian in-laws on their holy holidays, and his travel experiences encouraged him to publish “Perfect Strangers,” which was edited by Arthur J. Magida.

“In the past, this country was less open to outsiders,” Matlin says. “My parents had no friends who were not Jews. There was seldom a non-Jew in our home, and certainly not at our table.” If there had been, they might have consulted the book’s section on proper greetings. At Friday night supper, the Shabbat, visitors to the house greet their hosts with, “Shabbat shalom.” It means “peaceful Sabbath,” in Hebrew.

For his next interfaith project, Matlin plans a sequel. This one will highlight faith traditions with a small membership but a high fascination factor.

The idea came to him when he was visiting relatives in New Mexico. “In Santa Fe, Native Americans are having a problem because visitors don’t know how to behave at their religious ceremonies,” he says. They bring video cameras, walk around when they’re not supposed to, and make a lot of noise, he explains. “Tribal leaders are talking about closing their ceremonies to visitors from now on.”

Maybe not, if perfect stranger II gets there first. — Los Angeles Times, 1996

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia