Phone Etiquette for Teens

Back in the mid-1960’s, Sally Field’s boy-crazy, surfer-girl “Gidget,” seemed to spend more time on her pink Princess phone, than she did in the ocean. If memory serves, Gidget’s phone manners could teach teens a thing or two today.

Miss Debb Gives Sound Advice to Teens in 1964 

Q. How do you handle a phone call gracefully, if a boy calls when you're entertaining another date? What if you like the guy on the phone better than the one in the living room? 

A. No matter who you like best, it’s a matter of basic dating manners not to chat on the phone when you have a guest. When the phone rings, be brief. Tell him you have a guest and can talk only a minute. 

And remember—the same principle holds if that guest is a girl friend. – Madera Tribune, 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Amy’s Teen Etiquette Q & A

Amy Vanderbilt on Teens and Dating... 

Q. My brother is 17 and I am 16. He says that it is not right for sister and brother to double-date. What do you think? E.T., Beaumont, Tex. – A. Your brother is right. 

Teen Topics

Etiquette concerns itself with the forms required by good breeding. The necessary judgment to act appropriately in any situation develops slowly and needs guidance. Here are some relevant letters: 

Q. I confided something to a friend and found that she repeated what I said to the very people we discussed. Now she comes to my house every day and seems happy that she has caused a break in my friendship with these people. D.S., Clayton, Mo. 
A. Why not meet the issue squarely? Explain the situation to the hurt friends and apologize for the trouble this girl caused. Then stop seeing her. 

Q. My brother is 17 and I am 16. He says that it is not right for sister and brother to double-date. What do you think? E.T., Beaumont, Tex. 
A. Your brother is right. 

Q. I am a girl of 13 and am going on a week-end trip with five girls. Our chaperon is 21 years old. Do you think it would be all right to have boys along? D.F., Portland, Me. 
A. No, it would not. A young, unmarried woman is not a suitable chaperon for a mixed group. 

Q. I am a girl in my early teens. Is it proper to give a priest who has been very kind a gift? If so, would cookies or something I have baked myself be suitable? A.C., Elko, Nev. 
A. Yes, to both questions. 

Q. At what age should a girl be referred to as “Miss”? Do you think a girl of 11 or 12 should let a boy hold her hand at a show? C.B., Springfield, Colo. 
A. On an envelope, a girl is addressed as "Miss" from infancy. At 16 she may officially use the title “Miss” on calling cards. From 16 on she should receive the courtesy of that title from strangers. A little girl of 1 1 or 12 should not be holding hands with a boy at a show and should not be there at all except perhaps in the afternoon with a group. 

Q. I would like to know how many dresses, skirts, sweaters, blouses, shoes, etc..., a girl of my age (15) should have in her school wardrobe. N.D., Hanna City, Ill. 
A. I cannot answer this. It is wise for a girl to gear her wardrobe in style, but not necessarily quantity, to that of the girls with whom she associates. 

Q. I attend a high school which is very large, and has a number of social sets and clubs. In my club there are some very nice girls and yet I feel I would like to be with a more popular crowd. I know I could get into a club more to my liking because the girls in it have told me so many times. But most of these girls are very wealthy and have different ideas on kissing, dating, etc... I would not like to endanger my high-school career. What do you advise? D.J., Newark, N.J. 
A. Stay in the group that you now are with. You will feel more comfortable. –Amy Vanderbilt for Parade Magazine, 1956

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Junior Miss Etiquette of 1964

“This is my first big holiday season and the list of parties is almost endless. I am terrified that I may commit sonic social error and not even know it....” 

Dear Miss Deb...

For answers to your questions on dating, etiquette and beauty 

Q. My dates and I have no trouble with conversation until that agonizing good night scene at the door. I could die as I shift from one foot to the other and stammer, “ . . guess I’ll he seeing you” for the millionth time. How can I develop a graceful exit technique?

A. By planning ahead just as you did in getting ready for the date. Locate your keys, express your feeling about the good time you had, make the small talk on the way to the door. Let him unlock and open the door for you. Don’t linger. Say your final “wonderful time-good night,” and allow your smile to float back briefly as you disappear behind the closing door. If you work it right, he may be disappointed, but not offended! 

Q. This is my first big holiday season and the list of parties is almost endless. I am terrified that I may commit sonic social error and not even know it. Are there any definite party going rules I could learn for insurance?

A. There probably are as many rules as there are parties, but here arc three tips which provide a general rule of thumb. Always try to be helpful, cooperative about any special party plans, and a happy conversationalist. (If you're not good at small talk, be an enthusiastic listener!) Be as thoughtful about the family and their home as you would want people to be about your own. Express your thanks for a good time and leave promptly when the party is over. These guideposts should make you the most popular guest of the season.

Q. Older people make me self-conscious. I always feel they are critical of me because of all the talk about wild teenagers. Should I just avoid them whenever possible?

A. The sooner you learn to deal casually and respectfully with older adults the better. They will be coming into your life more and more as you go away to school or out into the job market. Begin by relaxing and being as natural as possible. Remember, adults like to be put at their ease, too. Just as you don't like to be considered a “wild teenager,” adults don't like to be thought of as “has-beens” or “critical old fuddy-duddies.” Try to listen for the likenesses between you instead of the differences.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Profiles in Etiquette —“Dear Beatrice”

The “Dear Beatrice Fairfax” advice column began in 1898 and is said to be the first advice column in the U.S. (though the popular 1890, “Ruth Ashmore” advice column by Isabel Mallon, was actually the first). Written by Marie Manning, it was an immediate success. At one point the column received so many letters, the U.S. Post Office refused to deliver them. The New York Evening Journal, publisher of the column, had to retrieve the letters itself. Manning's common sense advice was popular and imitated nationwide. Sadly, Manning's efforts went largely unrewarded. Manning’s pay and status remained low at the Journal, so she eventually resigned, only returning after financial hardship during the Great Depression. Manning went back to work for the Journal, again writing her Beatrice Fairfax column (which had been syndicated for years) and wrote the column until she passed away in 1945. During her lifetime of giving advice, she wrote four novels and “Beatrice Fairfax” was immortalized in several popular songs of the era. One is in the opening line of George and Ira Gershwin's song “But Not For Me,” from the 1930 musical “Girl Crazy.”

Manners are the gracious way of doing things. No better rule for “good form” and “etiquette” can ever be evolved than this simple little statment. Kind-hearted people have the first asset toward good manners, if they govern their kindly impulses by good taste and common sense they are sure to act in a manner that far exceeds “the proper thing" in human value.

Take the simple question of whether a girl shall ask a man to call on her, or no. The little courtesy of suggesting to an interested acquaintance that you will be glad to see him in your own home can not be improper. It offers dignified hospitality and suggests friendly good will, so it is kind. It is surely in better taste to meet your friends in your home than at dances or public entertainments of any sort. And common sense ought to indicate to any girl whether a man is sufficiently interested in her to want the opportunity of seeing her again, or no.

For test of any question where you doubt the certainty as to what is the proper thing to do, just apply kindness, common sense and good taste. And you will be as well off as if you had studied manners in a finishing school or a book of etiquette. – Marie Manning, aka “Beatrice Fairfax,” 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1920's Etiquette Becomes Law

1920's etiquette for making boys making calls on girls.

Don't Toot the Horn When Paying Calls

When you go calling, ring the door bell; don’t toot the horn. This has long been a matter of etiquette. Now North Carolina is going to have it a matter of law. 

A recent law in the state makes it unlawful to use the horn for any other means than a warning device, or to make any unnecessary noise, loud or harsh other than a reasonable warning. Does this mean a warning to get out of the way or a warning that the boy friend has arrived and is waiting? – The Healdsburg Tribune, 1927

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Etiquette for Jewish Girls

When she is acquiring her education, it is true, she may go to the public school, but even there the teachings of her home are strong upon her, and she is not so free with her boy companions as is her Christian contemporary. 

America's Daughters of Israel

The Hebrew girl, except among the very wealthy and most thoroughly Americanized families, lives in a state of semi-oriental seclusion. When she is acquiring her education, it is true, she may go to the public school, but even there the teachings of her home are strong upon her, and she is not so free with her boy companions as is her Christian contemporary. 

Her school days once over, she becomes a home bird to a very great extent. It is not proper according to Jewish etiquette for her to accept an invitation to a theater from a young man to whom she is not engaged, if she does, it is immediately taken for granted that the couple are engaged.

 If she goes to a sociable or party her brother or some other member of her family, is almost invariably her escort, though, once arrived at the place of merriment, she mixes as freely with those about her as do Christian girls. Her jollity on such occasions is unconfined and sometimes smacks of old-time Methodist heartiness. 

The kissing games of our ancestors are occasionally introduced with effect; and she proves herself one of the most lively and charming of girls, a perfect romp in fact. The party over, however, away she goes home; in charge of her brother, whose place no young man can usurp unless he engages himself to her. – American Queen, 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mobile Etiquette and the Global LOL

Cheezburger Network's Ben Huh says, "'LOL' is a part of everyday life. It's a polite way of acknowledging someone."

They say that laughter is the best medicine, but do you know how it is done via text, email or tweet around the world? 

Believe it or not, LOL is now considered a word, according to the Oxford English Dictionary's principal editor for new words. Cheezburger Network's Ben Huh says, "'LOL' is a part of everyday life. It's a polite way of acknowledging someone."

Listed below you'll find a few ways in which LOL is written in other countries and languages:

"MDR" is the French language version, from "mort de rire". Roughly translated "dying of laughter."

And "חחח/ההה" is the Hebrew LOL language version. "ח" is pronounced 'kh' & "ה" is pronounced 'h'. Putting them together makes "khakhakha."

555 is the Thai language variation of LOL. "5" in Thai is pronounced "ha", so three of them are "hahaha."

"ASG" is the Swedish language's LOL. It is an abbreviation of the term Asgarv, meaning "intense laughter."

"MKM" is the Afghan language's LOL. An abbreviation of the Dari phrase "ma khanda mikonom", which means "I am laughing."
   

It's not polite to talk on your mobile in the cinema, in any language, and some mobile apps will remind you of this fact, as you learn a new language.

Which dating mistakes do YOU make? From using the word LOL to sending too many kisses, a new study reveals the biggest tech turn offs

• Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text was named the top turn off
• Answering the phone at dinner or in the cinema also made the list
• People in the south west of the UK were found to be the neediest partners
• While the Welsh were the most patient or 'hard to get' in the early stages

Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text message has been revealed as the top turn off in romantic phone etiquette.

Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text message has been revealed as the top turn off in romantic phone etiquette.

Whether it’s a new romance or a long-term relationship, sending fewer kisses in a text than a partner is considered impolite and a brush off.

Answering the phone at dinner, and having it switched on in the cinema were also included in the list, alongside texting after 11pm, resending the same text if no response is received, and emailing pointless small talk.

Using the wrong amount of kisses in a text message has been revealed as the top turn off in romantic phone etiquette. Answering the phone at dinner and using it in the cinema also made the list

The study, compiled by TalkTalk Mobile, found that over half of British men believe it is acceptable to end a relationship over text, whereas 62 per cent of women think that only face-to-face break ups are acceptable.

EXPERT TIPS FOR PHONE DATING

Do

• Keep flirting to text - don’t try and pull it off on a call.
• Turn off your phone when you’re out for a meal or at the cinema and give dates your full attention.
• Give your friend your phone when tempted to drunk call or text.
• Reply to texts within a couple of hours.
• Text a partner good morning and goodnight.

Don’t

• Finish a relationship by text.
• Resend the same text if you haven’t had a response yet.
• Text unnecessary small talk, like ‘Hey howz u’ or more than two texts without a reply – it looks needy.
• Use acronyms like LOL, K, G2G.
• Put more or fewer kisses than the other person.

The findings were uncovered as part of a study of 1,000 Britons.

Overuse of acronyms, such as LOL, were cited as one of the most common reasons a partner may lose interest, as they make the sender seem overly keen or too needy.

Good text etiquette was found to include texting a lover good night, replying to messages within two hours and asking questions to stimulate conversation.

While over three quarters of people believe they have good mobile relationship manners, four in ten people have completely misinterpreted a poorly written text - and sarcasm is the most common pitfall.

Overuse of acronyms such as LOL were cited as one of the most common reasons that a partner may lose interest, as they make the sender seem overly keen or too needy. Resending the same text if no response is received, or pestering for a response (pictured) were also deemed annoying

Dan Meader of TalkTalk Mobile, told MailOnline: ‘[Our] work with Debretts means that we’re able to go one step further towards helping out Britain’s daters mind their manners.'

‘Nearly 70 per cent of us know someone with bad phone manners - although only a fifth of us thought our own phone manners may be in need of improvement - so our top tips aim to help people weave their way through the web that is modern phone etiquette.’

Jo Bryant, etiquette expert at Debretts, added: ‘Mobile phones allow us to communicate instantly, with ease and spontaneity, but as the TalkTalk Mobile survey results show, consideration for others is essential for good mobile phone manners.’

An update since this was posted ~ After I tweeted about this article, I received this tweet below, in response  

Thanks again to @ChetnaImage for bringing us "kheekhee"

A former etiquette class assistant, Kelsey, read the post and tells us her relatives in Mexico text "jajaja" instead of "LOL" We're adding that to the list. Thanks, Kelsey!

Main article by Sarah Griffiths, Jun 2014 for Daily Mail