Etiquette and the Royal Breakfast

 The Prince of Wales’ set recently adopted the idea from the French and all London’s rapidly taking up the custom! – No doubt the Americans who have gone to England to help celebrate the Queen's Jubilee will return imbued with the idea that soup for breakfast is the only proper and polite thing. The custom has long been prevalent in France, and is now being introduced in London.

The Prince’s New Breakfast 

The Prince of Wales Has Recently Set the Fashion 

No doubt the Americans who have gone to England to help celebrate the Queen's Jubilee will return imbued with the idea that soup for breakfast is the only proper and polite thing. The custom has long been prevalent in France, and is now being introduced in London. “At all the first-class cafés in Paris,” says a gentleman recently returned from the other side, “the patrons can get soups of various kinds for breakfast, and a great many Parisians sip soup before putting anything more substantial in their stomachs. In London, two months ago, Henry White, the swell secretary of the American legation, invited me to breakfast, and the first thing on the menu was soup. He told me that the Prince of Wales’ set had recently adopted the idea from the French and that all London was rapidly taking up the custom.” 

Mr. White set the pace for Americans over there, and whether or not he entertains all of his countrymen who are flocking to the Queen’s Jubilee, he can introduce enough of them to this new fad to cause the whole outfit to come back home singing its praises. “It is really one of the most sensible gastronomic innovations I can imagine. Soup, when properly made, is both soothing and stimulating. The over-taxed stomach of the average American needs both to be soothed and stimulated the first thing in the morning. Therefore, I look for the soup idea to become immediately popular when it is brought over by our tourists. Doubtless they will invent a name for it, as the fashionable folk of this country are afraid to risk their standing among the gourmets by eating for breakfast a dish with so plain and vulgar a name as ‘soup’.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Victorians and American Manners

The “insular British female” of a certain type, still holds her own and she is inveterate in her prejudices and as narrow in her views as her great-grandmother was a hundred years ago. To such a one, the sight of an attractive American is like the red flag shown to a bull.

The Adoption of American Manners Sometimes Causes Awkward Blunders

It certainly is a fact that in England nowadays, what are known as “American ways,” have obtained a widespread popularity among the ultra-fashionable people. Notwithstanding the decidedly radical change in British manners and customs during the last decade, the “insular British female” of a certain type, still holds her own and she is inveterate in her prejudices and as narrow in her views as her great-grandmother was a hundred years ago. To such a one, the sight of an attractive American is like the red flag shown to a bull. 

An English officer who has a sense of humor recently told a story of an amusing experience which befell him while traveling with his mother-in-law to the tidal train to Dover not very long ago. “It might be well to tell you in the first place,” he said, “that I am afraid, of the old lady, particularly as she holds the purse-strings and can visit my misdemeanors on my head in very unpleasing fashion. So I always make a point of carefully agreeing with her in every remark she makes, and of course while traveling, I am most obsequious. On this particular occasion I had hardly settled her comfortably in a first-class carriage when a party of travelers came breathlessly up to our compartment, and, in spite of mamma-in-law’s stony glare, proceeded to take possession of all the unoccupied seats. 

There were two ladies in the party, both young and exquisitely pretty and faultlessly dressed, and with them were a couple of men, who also were of very good form and wore irreproachable attire. They were in the gayest of moods, all chatting and laughing together and relating their various adveutures in just catching the train; and although they were most amiable about storing away their various effects out of our way and apologizing to us about crowding the carriage, I could see that my eminently conservative relative was not to be cajoled, and with every minute, she grew stonier and more haughty. “Objectionable Americans!” she muttered to me. “Are you sure they are U. S. A.’s?" I asked, sotto voce. “They are very pretty, and so well dressed.” “Oh, Americans are always that, in a kind of way. Look how underbred their whole style is, and compare them to well-born English women. Oh, they do grate on my nerves!” and she turned her back with obvious scorn upon the interlopers, who, after one or two civil remarks, took no further notice of us. 

“When we reached Dover, the young people bade us good-bye in kindly fashion, to which my relative vouchsafed no reply. “Thank  goodness, those vulgarians have gone!” was her parting fling as I betook myself to the telegraph office to wire to Paris for rooms. One of our quondam traveling companions was before me, and there lying on the desk was a telegram form scribbled over with a message it was impossible to avoid seeing. It was evidently addressed to the lady’s husband, and was signed by one of the proudest and best known names in England. Like a flash I realized who the whole party were, for I had seen many a photograph of the two lovely sisiers, who were among the most famous of our English beauties, and whose names were always to be found on the most exclusive lists in that upper stratum of society, which is the accepted, fashion-maker and guide to modern manners.” “What did your mother-in-law say?” asked his amused listener. “Never dared to tell her.” was the reply. “Such jokes are not for the impecunious and dependent son-in-law. I never even told my wife.” – New York Tribune, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Edward’s Disciplined Court Etiquette

Crowned King Edward VII in August 1902, the former Prince of Wales threw himself into his new role with energy. His reign restored sparkle to the British Monarchy. Diplomatically skilled, he was the first British Monarch to visit Russia. In 1902, he founded the Order of Merit to reward those who distinguished themselves in science, art or literature. Related to most European royalty and known as the ‘Uncle of Europe’, he was able to assist in foreign policy negotiations. His well-received addresses during his state visit to Paris, helped pave the way for the Anglo-French Entente Cordiale of 1904.

A Change in the Prince

Hidden away in the weekly gossip column of The Birmingham Post, is the following remarkable account of the change which has come over His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales. “We are all Socialists at heart.” said the Prince of Wales the other day, when talking to a statesman of the old school, who was lamenting the progress of Socialism. “And this conviction renders the outward semblance of Conservatism more and more difficult to maintain.” This feeling on the part of His Royal Highness, combined with the necessity of upholding the old institutions at Court, must have rendered the Prince’s position irksome at times. 

Report declares that he has, for many seasons, been using every endeavor to establish discipline among the ladies and gentlemen of the Court circle by observance of the strict rules of etiquette established in the early part of the present reign. During the long retirement of her Majesty after the great affliction which befell her, the discipline she had established grew somewhat relaxed, and various Court scandals served to point the moral and adorn the tale of the stump orators and brawling demagogues, who remained unmolested in their attacks, until it became difficult to put them down. The Prince of Wales was only awakened to the necessity of assuming the responsibility of his position by his own name being unjustly compromised, and he then resolved to restore the dignity of the Court, which had been suffered to become a prey to the slanders of the Socialistic party. 

He has been for some time pursuing his task, not of restoring, but modifying, the severity of the ancient costumes, so as to render them tolerable both to the Courtiers of the past and those of today. The idea of dispensing with the bare necks and naked shoulders of the ladies frequenting her Majesty’s drawing room seems to be the first step in this direction, and, it is said, emanates from the Prince himself, who, being present at a Court reception at Vienna, was struck with the dignity and propriety of the dresses of the ladies. The Queen was much averse to the change; but the Princess of Wales urged it so earnestly that her Majesty has yielded at length.—Boston Herald, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Naval Etiquette

Lord Charles Beresford’s career in the British Navy, was marked by a longstanding dispute with the Admiral of the Fleet, Sir John Fisher, over reforms championed by Fisher introducing new technology and sweeping away traditional practices. Fisher, more successful and slightly senior to Beresford, became a barrier to Beresford's rise to the highest office in the navy. Beresford failed in his ambition to become First Sea Lord.

A Minor Naval Etiquette Breach

London, July 26 – Lord Charles Beresford Jr., Lord of the Admiralty, has resigned. He had been requested to withdraw his resignation. The cause of his resignation was a minor breach of etiquette at Spithead during the naval review last Saturday, when the private signal made by Lord Charles from the Royal yacht was converted into a public signal, it is described as follows:

While the Queen was receiving the Captains of the Fleet in the saloon of the Royal yacht Albert and Victoria, the Lord signaled to the Enchantress, aboard of which his wife was, the following message: “Tell Lady Charles to immediately go aboard the yacht Lancashire Witch, where I will join her.” The Captain of the Enchantress, when the signal was given, thought of course, it was a special Royal command. But as the message was slowly spelled out, he became greatly enraged. He had, however, to smother his feelings, not daring to report Lord Charles in view of his position as Lord of the Admiralty. 

The Captain could not refrain, however, from complaining privately to his friends, and in this way a reporter of the Times learned of the incident. The result was the publication of the whole story in Monday's Times. Lord Charles then had no option but to resign. The incident is believed to be unparalleled. Disciplinarians declare that Lord Charles' conduct was virtually a gross insult to the Queen. The permanent officers of the Admiralty Office, it is said, are delighted over the position in which "reformer" Beresford is placed by the affair. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Quaint Customs and Etiquette

To "take one's dust" was a common expression or contempt. The custom was not without its uses in its day. But will it be believed that at the close of the nineteenth century this etiquette of the road is rigidly maintained, and that among well-bred people each equipage has to take the gait of the slowest?

Old-Time Virginia
Regions Yet Untouched 

by Nineteenth Century Innovations

The genuine, untouched Virginian of today has often been declared to be the most complete survival of eighteenth century England now in existence. There are certain eighteenth century customs and manners in common use here that have not been heard of in a hundred years in England. One of the quaintest is a custom of the road which died out in England when the post road and the traveling chariot went out of vogue. In those days, it was considered almost an affront for one traveler in a carriage to drive past another going the same way.

The traveling class was made up generally of the rich and leisurely, and as they bowled along in their coaches to have another coach dash by and give back its dust, and perhaps incite the coachman to a race, was considered highly indecorous. To "take one's dust" was a common expression or contempt. The custom was not without its uses in its day. But will it be believed that at the close of the nineteenth century this etiquette of the road is rigidly maintained, and that among well-bred people each equipage has to take the gait of the slowest?

True it is, some iconoclasts and outsiders drive past their fellow travelers without compunction, but they, therefore, prove their claim to be called iconoclasts and outsiders. When it is a very pressing case, an apology is called out such as "Pray excuse me, but my horse is restless," or "I am in haste to catch the boat," or something of the kind. But to drive ruthlessly ahead without a word of apology is considered the acme of ill breeding. –
Boston Evening Transcript, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette from Mrs.Beeton

"Let her conduct be such that her inferiors may respect her, and such as an honourable and right-minded man may look for in his wife and the mother of his children. Let her think of the many compliments and the sincere homage that have been paid to her sex by the greatest philosophers and writers, both in ancient and modern times." 

A Bit of Etiquette from Mrs. Beeton

WHEN A MISTRESS TAKES A HOUSE in a new locality, it will be etiquette for her to wait until the older inhabitants of the neighbourhood call upon her; thus evincing a desire, on their part, to become acquainted with the new comer. It may be, that the mistress will desire an intimate acquaintance with but few of her neighbours; but it is to be specially borne in mind that all visits, whether of ceremony, friendship, or condolence, should be punctiliously returned.

YOU MAY PERHAPS HAVE BEEN FAVOURED with letters of introduction from some of your friends, to persons living in the neighbourhood to which you have just come. In this case inclose the letter of introduction in an envelope with your card. Then, if the person, to whom it is addressed, calls in the course of a few days, the visit should be returned by you within the week, if possible. Any breach of etiquette, in this respect, will not readily be excused. In the event of your being invited to dinner under the above circumstances, nothing but necessity should prevent you from accepting the invitation. If, however, there is some distinct reason why you cannot accept, let it be stated frankly and plainly, for politeness and truthfulness should be ever allied. An opportunity should, also, be taken to call in the course of a day or two, in order to politely express your regret and disappointment at not having been able to avail yourself of their kindness.

IN GIVING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION, it should always be handed to your friend, unsealed. Courtesy dictates this, as the person whom you are introducing would, perhaps, wish to know in what manner he or she was spoken of. Should you receive a letter from a friend, introducing to you any person known to and esteemed by the writer, the letter should be immediately acknowledged, and your willingness expressed to do all in your power to carry out his or her wishes.

SUCH ARE THE ONEROUS DUTIES which enter into the position of the mistress of a house, and such are, happily, with a slight but continued attention, of by no means difficult performance. She ought always to remember that she is the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega in the government of her establishment; and that it is by her conduct that its whole internal policy is regulated. She is, therefore, a person of far more importance in a community than she usually thinks she is. On her pattern her daughters model themselves; by her counsels they are directed; through her virtues all are honoured;– "her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband, also, and he praiseth her." Therefore, let each mistress always remember her responsible position, never approving a mean action, nor speaking an unrefined word. Let her conduct be such that her inferiors may respect her, and such as an honourable and right-minded man may look for in his wife and the mother of his children. Let her think of the many compliments and the sincere homage that have been paid to her sex by the greatest philosophers and writers, both in ancient and modern times.


Let her not forget that she has to show herself worthy of Campbell's compliment when he said,– "The world was sad! the garden was a wild! And man the hermit sigh'd, till woman smiled." Let her prove herself, then, the happy companion of man, and able to take unto herself the praises of the pious prelate, Jeremy Taylor, who says,– "A good wife is Heaven's last best gift to man,– his angel and minister of graces innumerable,– his gem of many virtues,-- his casket of jewels – her voice is sweet music – her smiles his brightest day;-- her kiss, the guardian of his innocence;– her arms, the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam of his life;– her industry, his surest wealth;– her economy, his safest steward;– her lips, his faithful counsellors;– her bosom, the softest pillow of his cares; and her prayers, the ablest advocates of Heaven's blessings on his head."


Cherishing, then, in her breast the respected utterances of the good and the great, let the mistress of every house rise to the responsibility of its management; so that, in doing her duty to all around her, she may receive the genuine reward of respect, love, and affection!

Note– Many mistresses have experienced the horrors of house- hunting, and it is well known that "three removes are as good (or bad, rather) as a fire." Nevertheless, it being quite evident that we must, in these days at least, live in houses, and are sometimes obliged to change our residences, it is well to consider some of the conditions which will add to, or diminish, the convenience and comfort of our homes. –From Mrs. Beeton's Boook of Household Management, 1861

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette – More Advice to Men

Did you know that "there is an art in nut-cracking?" "Madge" maintains that there is. "The man who has achieved it," she adds, "is in request by the ladies on either side, for, for some reason, women are seldom adepts in freeing the nut from the shell, and this is more especially the case with Brazil nuts and walnuts. The ordinary woman crushes them into a mixture of nut and shell which is very difficult to separate." 

More Manners for Men, 
from Mrs. Charlotte Eliza Humphry, who wrote under the title “Madge” of “Truth.”

How to Get Married

And, continuing on the subject of weddings, she says: "I receive many letters from perspective best men. An invitation to act in this capacity seems to arouse in the breasts of some men a feeling almost akin to terror. They know themselves to be inexperienced, and they guess themselves to be inadequate to the pressing duties that the occasion involves. But the matter is simple enough. The duties of the best man comprise" — "Madge" outlines their duties in short order, and adds: "when the best man has seen his friend safely off on his wedding trip he's free to go home, get out of his war paint, and settle in his own mind which of the bridesmaids he is going to propose to."

Follows much tabloid wisdom on "How to Propose, and "Don't propose by letter! "Madge" tells of one instance where such a course resulted rather queerly: "The lady wrote her reply, posted it herself, and on her way back to the house met another young man whom she had understood to be engaged. He asked her to marry him. She was very much in love with him, and at once accepted. But her letter accepting the other gentleman was in the letter-box. Making some excuse, she dashed back and stood guard over the box till the postman came; she then asked him to give her the letter. Whether he had any right to do so or not, which is questionable, he complied with her request. She wrote one of very different report and married the real choice of her heart. She has often wondered, in talking to me, what would've happened if the postman had been less amenable. I have never been able to give her much sympathy, for I cannot understand how any girl, loving one man, could possibly accept another.

Don't fold your napkin! Somebody once remarked that "to fold your napkin carefully and put it beside your plate, is involuntarily to express the intention of partaking of one next meal with one's host." 

How to Crack Nuts and More

"The man who has achieved it," she adds, "is in request by the ladies on either side, for, for some reason, women are seldom adepts in freeing the nut from the shell, and this is more especially the case with Brazil nuts and walnuts. The ordinary woman crushes them into a mixture of nut and shell which is very difficult to separate."

Don't fold your napkin! Somebody once remarked that "to fold your napkin carefully and put it beside your plate, is involuntarily to express the intention of partaking of one next meal with one's host."

"Madge" tells all about writing letters, what kind of thought you should use, what kind of note paper—beware of coats-of-arms!—And then comes to the "perfect handshake," which is "warm and sympathetic without any extreme of impetuosity or indifference."
                                                          

Every girl's crazy 'bout a dark-browed man... In novels, that is!

"We all know the dark-browed young man of the woman novelist," she says, "who, when he shakes hands on his first meeting with the heroine, looks her in the eyes with a dark and brooding eyes, with which he 'reads her very soul.' He would be rather a nuisance in every day life. Deep-set eyes which seem to read the soul are far from reassuring at, say, a dinner party, or on a river excursion."

"Madge" gets very solemn and didactic in her chapter entitled "A Word About Manners with Girls." Looking between the lines, one can almost see her British forefinger held up severely, while she is saying:

"I feel that I am approaching a very delicate subject, but no book dealing with manners for men can possibly be complete without entering upon the demeanor of young men with regard to girls. Too often in the middle classes, and perhaps those below them, the idea of a young man is, when conversing with girls, to assume a half-joking manner. Just as though the moments of his life spent in their society were of no importance whatever, and should not be regarded seriously by him. This is not only a mistake, but an indication of the young man's character, which by no means recommends him do any observer, and most certainly not to the girls themselves. They like fun, it is true, but they do not like to be regarded as merely some childish amusement." (Wagging of British forefinger.) – The New York Times, 1897

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Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Victorian British Housewives

“Hot cakes or rolls are delicacies never seen on an English breakfast table. After the interview with the cook the lady of the house is full mistress of her own time.”

The Ideal of Comfort Is Good Service, Even If the Table Be Less Plentiful

In an article on the English middle classes, Harper's Bazar, gives some very entertaining details about the manners and daily customs of an English household of the “upper” middle class, among them the following: 

An American woman wonders when she learns how many servants are needed to run such a household. The cook must have her one or more kitchen maids, there must be a couple of footmen and a parlor maid, two or three chambermaids and a lady's maid, and in large houses this would seem but a small stall. Visiting hours are so arranged that the Englishwoman has her morning practically to herself. She is well fortified for the day. She had her cup of tea before getting up. Then at 9 came breakfast with her husband and children—an informal meal, with no servants in the room. At this she drank another cup of tea, ate her rasher of bacon and toast and finished with marmalade. The menu is bacon and marmalade winter and summer, spring and autumn. Hot cakes or rolls are delicacies never seen on an English breakfast table. After the interview with the cook the lady of the house is full mistress of her own time. 

She can count upon no one, except perhaps an intimate friend, calling before 3 or 4 in the afternoon, so that it is rarely she is interrupted for formal social duties. Luncheon is a very important function, from which children are banished to the nursery. It might be called more correctly a dinner—hot joint and vegetables, a pudding, cheese and fruit. Shopping hours are much the same as with us. Between 12 and 5 the shops are most crowded. The most popular time of all, however, is from 3 to 5. And then, if luncheon must be had away from home, it is in the genuine English restaurant —in the Holborn or the Criterion or the St. James—it is eaten. Not for the British middle class women are the pleasant little French and Italian haunts. At 5 o'clock tea is served. It is brought up to the drawing room on a tray, and is the most informal and delightful of all English meals. Thin slices of bread and butter and cake—homemade, if possible—are eaten with it, and on a day "at home," it answers as an excellent substitute for conversation.  

After tea it is time to dress for 7, 7:30 or 8 o'clock dinner. Dinner, the master of the house now being at home, is a very formal affair, far more so than it is with us. The manner in which it is served is of more account than the dishes of which it consists. Our standby, soup, you need never expect to get very good, if you get it at all. Upon the inevitable joint andthe no less inevitable tart you can as surely count. With dinner the day ends. The hours that remain are devoted to amusement, whether that means sitting around the fire in the embarrassed silence, broken by spasmodic "aobs" that in England is called talking, or going to the theater, where stalls and balcony are usually filled by the wealthy "upper" middle class. —Philadelphia Record, 1891 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia