Etiquette and Bachelor Hospitality

The Edwardian era bachelor – “… the most independent of creatures.”

THE day is past when the bachelor is supposed to have no home, no mode of entertaining his friends, no lares and penates, and no "ain fireside." He is now an independent householder, keeping house if he choose to do so, with a corps of efficient servants, presided over by a competent house-keeper, or, in a simpler manner having a small apartment of his own, attended by a man-servant or maid, if he takes his meals in his apartment. Oftener, however, he prefers to dispense with housekeeping cares and live in a tiny apartment of two or three rooms, going out to a restaurant for his meals. He is then the most independent of creatures. 

If he can afford to have a man to take care of his rooms and his clothes, well and good. If not, he pays a woman to come in regularly to clean his apartment, and she takes charge of his bed-making and dusting or, if he be very deft, systematic and industrious, he does this kind of thing himself. In any of the cases just cited he is at liberty to entertain. 

He may have an afternoon tea, or a reception, or an after-theater chafing-dish supper. Unless he has his own suite of dining-room, kitchen and butler’s pantry, he cannot serve a regular meal in his rooms. But there are many informal, Bohemian affairs to which he can invite his friends. For the after-theater supper, for instance, he may engage a man to assist him and to have everything in readiness when the host and his party arrive at the apartment. The host, himself, will prepare the chafing-dish dainty, and with this may be passed articles supplied by a near-by caterer, such as sandwiches, ices and cakes. He may make his own coffee in a Vienna coffee-pot. The whole proceeding is delightful, informal and Bohemian in the best sense of the word.

A sine qua non to all bachelor entertaining is a chaperon. The married woman cannot be dispensed with on such occasions. The host may be gray-headed and old enough to be a grandfather many times over, but, as an unmarried man, he must have a chaperon for his women guests. If he object to this, he must reconcile himself to entertaining only those of his own sex. The age of this essential appendage to the social party makes no difference, so long as the prefix "Mrs." is attached to her name. She may be a bride of only a few weeks' standing, but the fact that she is married is the essential.

The host, then, first of all, engages his chaperon, asking her as a favor to assist him in his hospitable efforts. She should accept graciously, but the man will show by his manner that he is honored by her undertaking this office for him. She must be promptly at his rooms at the hour mentioned, as it would be the height of impropriety for one of the young women to arrive there before the matron. If she prefer she may accompany a bevy of the girls invited. 

To her the host defers, from her he asks advice, and to her he pays special deference. If there is tea to be poured, as at an afternoon function, it is she who is asked to do it, and she may, with a pretty air of assuming responsibility, manage affairs somewhat as if in her own home, still remembering that she is a guest. In this matter, tact and a knowledge of the ways of the world play a large part. The chaperon is bound to remain until the last girl takes her departure, after which it is quite en règle for the host to offer his escort, unless she accompanies the last guest, or a carriage be awaiting her. The host thanks her cordially for her kind offices, and she in turn expresses herself as honored by the compliment he has paid her.— Marion Harland’s Complete Etiquette, 1905

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Naval Dance Etiquette

Dancing Etiquette Ordained for Gobs

Newport, Rhode Island, March 18 – Dancing etiquette must be maintained at the Saturday afternoon dances at the Naval Training station for the enlisted men. An official bulletin just issued reads: "It has been noticed that a number attending these dances do not ‘request’ the young women, their guests, to dance. The men must realize that these young ladies are pleased to dance with them and, therefore, they should do their part, If they desire to meet any of the ladies, they should ask the chaperon for an introduction. The uniform of the enlisted men of this section for these dances will be dress blue, shoes neatly shined, neat haircut, clean shave and clean white undershirt.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1919

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Chaperonage

The Chaperone — Ready to spoil just about everyone's fun! 

Chaperonage in 1899 

The foreign custom that makes a chaperone indispensable where young people are gathered together at places of public entertainment, has long obtained in the cities of the East, and in all conventional communities everywhere. No really fashionable party is made up without a chaperone.

A young woman condemns herself in the eyes of good society who is observed to enter alone with a young man a place of public refreshment, be the restaurant or tea room ever so select. Bred under other conditions of a society so necessarily varying as that in our broad America, a stranger visiting New York, for instance, might readily and innocently make a mistake of this nature, and blush at finding herself condemned for it. In the same category of offenses is ranked that of maidens visiting places of public amusement under the escort of young men alone. Many parts of the South and West allow this to be done with the smiling consent of good society; but in Eastern cities it is considered a violation of good form, and for the comfort, if not the convenience, of the girl considering it, had better be ranked among the lost privileges upon which social evolution may look back with fond regret.

It is always wisest, when a number of young people are to have a party, to ask two or three married women to be present, not only for propriety’s sake, but because there will then be no danger of anything unwished for happening, inasmuch as it is the duty of the chaperones to make all social entertainments smooth and pleasant.

When it is necessary for a girl to pay long visits to a dentist’s office, she should be accompanied either by her mother, or some woman relative, or maid.

The etiquette of chaperonage is much less strict for a young widow than for an unmarried girl of the same age; but it is important and in good taste for a woman who is a widow to be very quiet and inconspicuous in all she does, giving by her behavior no opportunity for criticism. — From Practical Etiquette

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette and Chaperone

Among school-girls, there are those from different circles, and such would meet at parties and adhere to the etiquette of their own circle. But these differences could not be carried into general society without injury to the standing of the innovator. 

The Chaperone...

Mrs. General Bidwell Writes An Interesting Letter on the Subject to the Chronicle-Record

Having lived from childhood to marriage under this system, the impulse irresistible to present is from the standpoint of the circle in which it prevailed in Washington, our nation's capital. Doubtless the diplomatic element had something to do with its existence there, but it was never suggested as a system of “espionage.” On the contrary it was supposed to be of equal advantage to gentlemen as to ladies. The style of entertaining has much to do with its existence. 

In Washington parties were made up of all ages, from the debutante to the grent-grandparents, if they had hearts to enjoy them. Thus daughters had their parents, or relatives as escorts, leaving them free to accept attention from all gentlemen, and gentleman equally free from bondage to any one lady. The young lady’s self-respect was never sacrificed by feeling herself a burden to an escort, if not sufficiently popular to have him relieved of her presence from tune to time. Young men from other cities have complained to me of the expensive hackhire, bouquets and suppers after theatre, which they have been compelled to furnish or lose social caste. The newspapers were ever inveighing against “the greediness and expensiveness of the ice-cream girl.” 

Ashamed and indignant have I been at the criticism of young ladies from elsewhere, of the young gentlemen who failed to furnish these “perquisites,” to have done which would have been impossible unless dishonestly done. As school-girls, our brothers were our escorts, or one of our parents or relatives of mine would have felt keenly the slight had I accepted any other. Among school-girls there are those from different circles, and such would meet at parties and adhere to the etiquette of their own circle. But these differences could not be carried into general society without injury to the standing of the innovator. 

When invited to a strictly young people’s party—adults, one of the parents or a relative—was expected to escort the young lady "in justice to the hostess,” and to assist in introducing her. There was no suggestion of want of confidence in one's virtue. Still, no fond mother could feel that it was proper for the daughter to be taken to a party, and not from it, often in the morning hours, by any gentleman who would propose such a thing, especially when knowing how many are not fit to escort anyone at such hours, after such an evening. I know whereof I speak, from observation, and the confidence of those who have experienced the unpleasantness of such exposure. 

A chaperone can be provided in such a manner, and of such a character, as to do more harm than good, but properly provided, is, in my opinion, a blessing to gentleman and lady.  –Annie K. Bidwell, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1920’s Etiquette and the Chaperon

 “Regarding the ‘free’ American girl, it is only when she travels abroad or stops at a hotel for any length of time that social requirements still command that she be chaperoned.”

American girls with their independent ideas of social requirements mock the idea of a chaperon to the theater or dance. And this is especially true of the many young women who are planning careers for themselves, who intend to be more than social butterflies.

We are proud of the ideal American girl. We do not mean, of course, the self-esteemed, arrogant young miss who derides all conventions and calls herself “free.” In her we are not interested at all. But there is the true American type—the young girl who is essentially a lady, who has self-reliance but is not bold, who is firm without being overbearing, who is brainy but not masculine, who is courageous, strong and fearless, yet feminine. She has no need of the chaperon; and it is because of her that the “decay of the chaperon” has been so rapid in America.

And so we find that the American girl who is well-bred, who is well-mannered and high-principled, may attend the theater and the dance with gentlemen, unchaperoned. It is only when she travels abroad or stops at a hotel for any length of time that social requirements still command that she be chaperoned. But even then, the girl who travels on business purposes, need feel no embarrassment when she is alone, if her manner and speech are as polished and correct as they should be.” —From Lillian Eichler's 1921, “Book of Etiquette / Volume I”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia