More ‘50’s Manners for Smoking

Don't be sneaky in reaching for a smoke. Take the pack out. Offer around. If a man declines, fine; don't offer the next time. If a woman declines, you re-offer every time you smoke yourself. That's etiquette for you. Say you're with a woman at the theater. Intermission comes and you're dying for a smoke. Your companion doesn't want one. What do you do? Well, Idiot, go out and smoke alone. After all, as Kipling said, a “woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.”

Tobacco Taboos Help Clear the Air

In their eagerness to protect minority rights, lawmakers have neglected the most persecuted minority of them all: Non-smokers. The trouble with the non-smoker is that he is integrated when he would rather be segregated. In church or museum, he may find respite from the nicotine pall, but anywhere else he's fated to burning nostrils, slinging eyes and semi-suffocation. Superiority in numbers, however, doesn't give the smoker the right to spurn certain taboos with respect to his weed. 

These Include: 

• Don't smoke at religious ceremonies.
• Ditto at weddings, funerals, dedications. 
• Don't smoke in sickrooms, either, unless the occupant lights up first. 
• Don't lay your cigarette on the edge of a table or other piece of furniture. Not only does the table burn; so does the table's owner. 
• AVOID asphyxiating people. Watch where the smoke drifts when you lay down your cigarette. 
• And when you finally extinguish the thing, do a bang-up job. Ashes are for ashtrays. 
• Take a hint If your host or hostess hasn't provided ashtrays, it may mean smoking is frowned upon. There are more no smoking signs than "No Smoking" signs. 
• That goes for fancy dinner parties, too. The absence of ashtrays probably means one thing: the gourmets prefer their salads unsullied by smoke. 
• UNLESS you're a hood in a B-movie, clear your mouth of fuming impediments and stogies when talking, shaking hands or tipping your hat. 
• Don't be sneaky in reaching for a smoke. Take the pack out. Offer around. 
• If a man declines, fine; don't offer the next time. If a woman declines, you re-offer every time you smoke yourself. That's etiquette for you. Say you're with a woman at the theater. Intermission comes and you're dying for a smoke. Your companion doesn't want one. What do you do? Well, Idiot, go out and smoke alone. After all, as Kipling said, a "woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." 

Q & A ON P'S & Q'S 

(Q) "I'm job-hunting. During interviews I get jittery and light up a cigarette. Should I?" B. P.

(A) It's poor manners to light up In any stranger's office without permission. It may be disastrous in a job Interview.

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1959

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“He knew a ‘No Smoking’ sign when he saw one, and if he did not see one, he knew the no-smoking places libraries, museums, concert halls, courts, streetcars, day coaches, airfields, most large department stores, etc. It was ridiculous, Bogart knew, to get arrested for smoking in these places when you can get nabbed for something big…”

Bogie the Model Smoker

When the late Humphrey Bogart smoked a cigarette, it was pure art. All the little acts involved lighting up, inhaling, exhaling were handled with devastating ease. But it wasn't put on. The cigarette was part of Humphrey, and ashes never toppled on his vest and smoke never got in anyone's eyes. For years, whenever kids took a fling at smoking, they had a mental picture Humphrey Bogart. Many of them, no doubt, found they couldn't copy Bogie's' technique, so they dropped the habit out of shame. Thus, the man was not a total bad influence. Today there are other movie heroes to imitate, but if a man MUST smoke, he still can't beat Bogie for a model. 

Here are some things he did not do: 

• HE didn't take chances. He knew a "No Smoking" sign when he saw one, and if he did not see one, he knew the no-smoking places libraries, museums, concert halls, courts, streetcars, day coaches, airfields, most large department stores, etc. It was ridiculous, Bogart knew, to get arrested for smoking in these places when you can get nabbed for something big, like shooting Sidney Greenstreet, for example. 
• He seldom danced, being a sedentary drinking type, but when he did, he left his cigarette behind. 
• Neither did he spend a conspicuous amount of time in church. Still, he knew better than to smoke in one. 
• For that matter, you shouldn't smoke at any religious or ceremonial function, such as a wedding or christening, but the chances of Bogie attending the latter were remote, indeed. 

WHEN he chose to wipe out somebody, he generally used his rod and not his cigarette. He didn't asphyxiate his victim, that is, with clouds of smoke. Polished mobster that he was, he even watched where the , fumes drifted when his weed was at rest. And when he finally extinguished the thing, he did a thorough job, agreeing with Emily Post that nothing induces "nicotine nausea" like a smoldering cigarette. He knew, too, that ashes are for ashtrays. 

If his hostess (or prop man) hadn't provided one, why, Humphrey just didn't smoke. There is no record on celluloid of his putting ashes in his pant cuffs, either. Or in lamp bases. Or in flowerpots. (Okay, so maybe ashes ARE good for flowers, or even rugs. Does this justify flicking ashes on same? Not in Humphrey's book.) He didn't lay his cigarette on the edge of a table or other piece of furniture. His reasoning probably went this way: If the table burns, so will its owner. And if the owner burns, he may rat on me to the cops (not about the table, but about plugging Louie). Then I’ll burn! Even men without this particular concern should be careful where they put their cigarettes. 

Q & A on P's & Q's 

(Q) "Neighbors had my husband and me for dinner recently and when we went to the table my husband took his cigar with him. Between courses he would light it up and take a few drags. I think maybe he had too many Martinis before dinner, but this was no excuse, was it?" Mrs. T. S., Philadelphia.

 

(A) Certainly not. If cigars are smoked at the dinner table at all, it should be after the meal is over. Watch those Martinis, by the way.

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1958

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for House Guests

Putting feet upon furniture can be seen as highly offensive in general, it’s even worse in cultures and countries in which showing the soles of your feet is considered to be worse than just insulting.

Some Privileges are Reserved for Hosts

"Make yourself at home" is a pleasant little remark that can have unpleasant consequences. They arise when a guest interprets the remark too literally. In treating his host's diggings like his own, he breaches etiquette in a dozen ways. Few hosts, for example, appreciate having a guest prop his feet on furniture. Few hosts rest easy when guests sprawl on antiques, perch on table tops or lean back on chair legs.

Few hosts approve of a guest flicking ashes– even inadvertently – on the rug or tossing cigarette butts in the fireplace. Few hosts wax enthusiastic when a guest puts ashes in vases or flowerpots. Few enjoy seeing him snuff out a cigarette in a cup or saucer – a practice that both offends sensibilities and mars china.

Few cotton to mud tracks on the rug (because a guest didn't clean his shoes) or grease stains on the upholstery from a guest's oily hair. A host can do these things with impunity, if not from his wife, at least from other sources. Guests aren't so lucky.

HOSTS, of course, have other rights than property rights. Additionally they are or like to think they are lords and masters of their own household. It's wrong for a guest to usurp this role. He shouldn't, for instance, try to "fix" things in another's home. 

• If he spots a loose chair leg, he shouldn't call for a screw driver; it suggests the host is a slouch for not having fixed it himself.
• He shouldn't voluntarily wind clocks, straighten pictures or adjust thermostats. If he's warm, there are better ways to tell the host than throwing up a window.
• He shouldn't commandeer the telephone, invite friends over, or borrow the host's car without permission.He shouldn't reprove the host's children or order around his servants.He shouldn't monkey with the TV set or arbitrarily substitute Caruso for calypso on the hi-fi. He should reserve even the more subtle hostly rights – such as the right to strew the Sunday papers for the host. Guests, above all, should be tidy. 

Q&A ON P’S & Q'S 

(Q) "When visiting someone, I seldom use the guest towels. 

They're so white and pretty, it seems a pity to soil them. Instead I use the host's towel. Is this wrong?" Н. В. 

(A) It certainly is wrong. Guest towels are not just for show; they are there to be used. Most hosts vastly prefer your using them to wiping your hands on their personal towels. 

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1957

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia