Elizabeth Post Dining Etiquette Quiz

“Your date has been taking you to the local dairy bar for weeks, and all of a sudden his Uncle Joe sent him a birthday check, and he’s asked you to go to an elegant restaurant for dinner!” –
At Etiquipedia, we’re guessing a ‘dairy bar’ was a regional term for an old-fashioned ‘malt shop.’

Nervous about dinner date? 

Take this dining etiquette quiz by Elizabeth Post!

Your date has been taking you to the local dairy bar for weeks, and all of a sudden his Uncle Joe sent him a birthday check, and he’s asked you to go to an elegant restaurant for dinner! Are you nervous, or do you know your restaurant manners so well that you will be relaxed and self-assured? Answer the questions below.

If you get more than eight right, your evening will be fun because you’ll be confident that you are “doing the right thing.” Six to eight means you may have a bad moment or two, and a score of below six indicates that you had better bone up.

Questions

1. When you are served soup in a cup with two handles, do you 

(a) eat the soup with a spoon? 

(b) pick up the cup? 

2. When game hen, asparagus or a creamed dish is served on toast, do you 

(a) take the entire serving, toast and all? 

(b) leave the toast, taking only the food on top of it? 

3. If a waiter brings a finger bowl, do you 

(a) dip your finger tips in and dab your lips? 

(b) dip the corner of your napkin in to clean your mouth? 

4. When you need to push food onto your fork, do you 

(a) use your thumb? 

(b) Use a dry piece of bread? 

5. If there is no saucer for your iced tea glass, do you 

(a) leave the spoon in the glass? 

(b) lay the spoon down on the table? 

6. At the end of the meal do you 

(a) fold your napkin back as it was? 

(b) lay your napkin in loose folds on the table?

 7. If you happen to drop your fork on the floor, do you 

(a) ask the waiter for a clean one? 

(b) pick it up, wipe it off, and use it? 

8. If there is no ash tray on the table, do you 

(a) ask for one? 

(b) use the edge of your dinner plate? 

9. When you are served a pot pie in an individual casserole do you 

(a) eat from the dish it is served in? 

(b) serve some onto your dinner plate? 

10. If your choice of entrée includes a delicious gravy, do you 

(a) use a spoon to get up the last drop? 

(b) break small pieces of bread into the gravy and eat it with your fork? 

Answers

1.   (b) As soon as the soup is cool enough, pick the cup up by both handles. 

2.   (a) 

3.   (a) 

4.   (b) If you have no bread, use your knife. 

5.   (a) Or you might remove it and rest the bowl of the spoon on your butter plate. 

6.   (b) 

7.   (a) 

8.   (a) 

9.   (b) If a serving spoon is not provided, ask for one. 

10. (b) 

             

                   —By Elizabeth Post, 1968

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette~Soup to Nuts

Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.

Apples should be pared, cut into small pieces, and eaten with finders or forks.

Artichokes are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The solid portion is broken up and eaten with a fork.

Asparagus stalks may be taken between the finger and the thumb, if they are not too long, or the green end may be cut off and eaten with a fork, scraping off with the knife what is desired from the remaining part.
             

Banana skin should be cut off with a knife, peeling from the top down, while holding in the hand. Small pieces should be cut or broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they may be cut up and eaten with a fork.

Bread should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.

Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.

Celery is eaten with the fingers.

Cheese is first cut into small bits, then placed on pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the fingers to the mouth.

Corn on the cob is eaten with the fingers of one hand. A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat them with the aid of a fork.

Crackers should be broken into small pieces and eaten with the fingers.

Eggs are usually broken into a glass and eaten with a spoon.

Finger-Bowl: The fingers should be dipped in the water and gently rubbed together, and dried on the napkins.

Fish should be eaten with a fork held in the right hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. The bones should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork or with the fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy should be used.

Fruit (all raw fruit), except melons, berries, and grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers. Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.

Grapes should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half−closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

Knfe and Fork: The knife is always held in the right hand, and is only used for cutting the food. The fork is used not only in eating fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads, oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin. The knife should never be used to carry food to the mouth.

Lettuce leaves should not be cut, but folded up with a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the event of these being too large for this treatment, they should be broken into suitable pieces with the fork.

Olives are eaten with the fingers.
                                         

Oranges served in divided sections, sweetened, and the seeds removed, should be eaten with the fork. If served whole, cut into suitable portions. Remove seed and skin.

Peaches should be quartered and the quarters peeled, then taken up by the fingers and eaten.

Peas are eaten with a fork.

Plums should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half−closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

Salt is best taken up with the tip of the knife.

Salted Nuts are eaten with the fingers.

Seeds should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork, or dropped into the half−closed hand.

Soup should be taken from the side of the spoon without noise and without the plate being tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged in this respect, and may take the soup from the end of the spoon.

Spoons: The spoon should never be in the cup while drinking, but should be left in the saucer. It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads, small and large fruit (when served with cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves, and boiled eggs.

Table Etiquette: It is correct to take a little of all that is offered, though one may not care for it. Bend slightly over the plate when carrying the food to the mouth, resuming upright position afterward.

When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. Do not empty the vessel at one draught.

Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table. They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.

A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate or any article to another guest, or serve the viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.

Upon leaving the table, push the chair back far enough to be out of the way of others.

Accidents, or anything that may be amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a guest unless he is the cause of it. In that event some pleasant remark as to his awkwardness should be made and no more. The waiter should attend to the matter at once. If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should not be picked up by the guest, but another used, or ask the waiter to provide one.

Conversation: Aim at bright and general conversation, avoiding all personalities and any subject that all cannot join in. This is largely determined by the character of the company. The guests should accommodate themselves to their surroundings.

Toothpicks: Toothpicks should not be used in public. If necessity requires it, raise the napkin over the mouth, with the hand behind it, using the toothpick as quickly as possible.

Wine: A guest not caring for wine should turn down his glass and leave it in that position, or a mere sign of dissent when it is offered is sufficient.

From The Book of Good Manners, W.C. Green

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette Customs Explained

Table etiquette is not, as is often alleged, merely a matter of fashion, although some things that were in vogue a generation or two ago, are no longer deemed polite.The reason is that manners and table furniture have undergone so many changes, have really so much improved, as to require a mutual adjustment. 

While certain forms of table etiquette may seem altogether conventional, even fantastic, the forms usually observed are founded on good sense, and adapted to general convenience. Table etiquette is not, as is often alleged, merely a matter of fashion, although some things that were in vogue a generation or two ago, are no longer deemed polite. The reason is that manners and table furniture have undergone so many changes, have really so much improved, as to require a mutual adjustment. 

For example, everybody was accustomed, twenty or thirty years since, to use the knife to carry food to the mouth, because the fork of the day was not adapted to the purpose. Since the introduction of the four-tined silver fork, it has so entirely supplanted the knife, that the usage of the latter, in that way, is not only superfluous, but is regarded as a vulgarism. Another example is the discontinuance of the custom of turning tea or coffee from the cup into the saucer. Although small plates were frequently employed to set the cup in, they were not at all in general use; and even when they were used, the tea or coffee was likely to be spilled upon the cloth. The habit, likewise, of putting one’s knife into the butter arose from the fact that the butter-knife proper had not been thought of. Such customs as these, once necessitated by circumstances, are now obviously inappropriate. 

Certain habits, however, are regulated with good taste and delicacy of feeling, and the failure to adopt them argues a lack of fine perception or social insight. One of these is eating or drinking audibly. No sensitive person can hear any one taking his soup, coffee or other liquid, without positive annoyance. Yet those who would be very unwilling to consider themselves ill bred are constantly guilty of such breaches of politeness. The defect is that they are not so sensitive as those with whom they come in contact. They would not be disturbed by the offence; they never imagine, therefore, that any one else can be. It is for them that rules of etiquette are particularly designed. Were their instinct correct, they would not need the rule, which, from the absence of instinct, appears to them irrational, and purely arbitrary. To rest one’s elbow on the table is more than a transgression of courtesy, it is an absolute inconvenience to one’s neighbors. 

All awkwardness of position, such as sitting too far back from, or leaning over the table, are reckoned as rudeness, because they put others ill at ease through fear of such accidents as are liable to happen from any uncouthness. This and kindred matters are trifles; but social life is so largely composed of trifles, that to disregard them wholly is a serious affront. We can hardly realize to what extent our satisfaction of dissatisfaction is made up of things in themselves insignificant, until their observance or nonobservance is brought directly home to us. —Scribner’s Monthly, 1875

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Dinner Seating Etiquette, 1895

Dinner tables of society hostesses, in the latter part of the Victorian Era, featured unique and ornate silver patterns. The more silver laid on a dining table, the better. Silver reflected candlelight, illuminating dining rooms that were not yet fitted with electric lights.

A New Dinner Table Fashion!

The new heraldry, or rather etiquette, for large public dinners, annual​ dinners and the like—to which more and more​ frequently ladies are invited—places the wife at the table by her husband's side. She has for some years sat side by side with bim on the box seat when he drives his four-in-hand, and now it is the recognized thing, even in London,where innovations come slowly, to have this arrangement at dinner. 

"It seems very odd," writes an English woman, describing the annual dinner of the Newsvendors Benevolent and Provident Institution at the Grand Hotel, "very odd to go down with Richard, this being one of the particulars in which the public banquet differs from the private dinner. Opposite us were a husband and wife, to the left of us another couple, and a little further off another married pair. None of us quarreled with each other. 

Richard talked to his friend, who occasionally threw me a crumb of the conversation, and I made friends with my other neighbor, admired the lovely tulips on the table and made energetic efforts to see what Lady E_____ looked like. She sat beside the chairman, her husband, her father, the Earl of Arran, supporting her on the right. So you see it was intensely British​, a family arrangement of the most pronounced kind." 

The first time that such an arrangement was tried in Philadelphia was at the dinner given to Dr. James Mac Allister by Mr. Edward T. Steel and a number of other friends. There, husbands sat by their wives, and the novelty and ease of this arrangement was very much enjoyed. Since then the arrangement has become quite a general one for public functions, when other placing of the body of guests would be awkward or impossible. — Philadelphia Public Ledger, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Restaurant Napkin Etiquette

“Haircut or shave, sir?” — Past toddlerhood, bibs are not allowable according to to currently accepted etiquette standards, unless one is dining on lobster in its shell and the restaurant provides special bibs, or one is dining in a theme establishment at which diners are encouraged to wear napkins tucked in at the neck.

The efficient Henry, major domo of New York’s posh Barberry Room, was pained to note that one diner, evidently unfamiliar with the etiquette of dining in high society, had tucked a big napkin under his chin, preparatory to tackling an order of goulash-with-noodles. 

How to tell the gauche fellow that he was doing the wrong thing without hurting his feelings? Henry figured out a way. He tapped the diner lightly on the shoulder and inquired politely, “Haircut or shave, sir?”

 * * * 

A customer had been trying in vain to get some service in a crowded midtown restaurant one lunchtime. Finally he beseeched the major domo, "Can't you change my table, please? I'd appreciate something nearer a waiter.” — By Bennett Cerf, Distributed by King Features, 1962

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Finger Bowls

Ready for royalty — Buckingham Palace finger bowls (originally wine glass rinsers) on dessert plates with dessert flatware. 

The Rise and Progress of the Fingerbowl... 

With a Bit About Napkins

“Pray tender some information,” writes A.H., in regard to finger-bowls after dinner. The history of the dinner-table etiquette, as far as the cleansing of the finger goes, has caused a great deal of discussion. In “Notes and Queries” some information was asked about it a number of years ago, but not any very satisfactory responses were received.

Table manners and table equipage have been derived from the French. Strange as it may seem, a great many dinner amenities owe their origin to the East. Bibliophile Jacob says somewhere that the napkins during a repast were possibly brought into use in Europe after the Crusades.

Oriental habits at dinner, where the Turk of the old school to-day, having no knife or fork, plunges his fingers in the pilau, is but a continuation of customs of the time of Saladin. The Oriental is excessively clean in his habits, and between the fingerings of the viands and some of the manipulations of a cook with his dishes, really the difference is only this that the Turk who picks out a peculiar nice titbit to offer to his guest does it in view of everyone, while the cook’s prior actions are not seen.

As fountains were over spurting and gurgling, Harun al Raschid’s banqueting halls, opportunities to cleanse one’s fingers in the flowing waters must have been over at hand. Oriental people retain the habit of hand or finger washing after a dinner.

The method is not, perhaps, adapted to our customs, yet is a very sensible one. A servant, after the repost, makes the round of the table, (the guests are seated on low cushions on the floor) holding a copper vessel, provided with a very long but narrow spout. In the other hand he carries a wide deep copper basin. A tiny stream of water is poured over the fingers of the guests into the basin, while another servant follows with a towel.


 The finger bowl usually arrives with a doily and the dessert plate beneath it. When using the finger bowl, dip only the fingertips of the hands into the bowl. Wipe your fingertips dry with your napkin (never the doily) while your napkin remains on your lap. Carefully lift the finger bowl and doily and place them to your upper left of your place setting.

The first portion of the performance is proper enough; but as one towel usually serves or all guests, a kind of universal sack towel, delicate-minded Europeans rather dislike the custom. It is not necessary to go further back, and refer to the Biblical habits before and after partaking of food.

As to the more modern custom, Brillat Saravin, whose book on the Physiologie du goût (The Physiology of Taste) was written in the early part of this century, inveighs against the fingerbowls. “It was about 40 years ago that some people in good society – they were most always women – commenced to wash out their mouths (rincer la buche) after their meals." Brillat Saravin deprecates the custom, and calls it useless, indecent, and disgusting, rather directing, however, his criticism against the mouth-rinsing than the finger-dipping. It is useless, he writes, “because the mouth is in excellent condition at the end of a repast, when fruit has been partaken of, or a last glass of wine or water has been imbibed”.

Say what one may the cleaning of the mouth after dinner is a disgusting habit, and no screening of this operation, by placing the hand before the mouth, can conceal, its objectionable features. If an after-dinner ablution has to be performed, especially when fruit is eaten, it should be restricted to the use of the finger-bowl alone.

The smaller goblet then introduced in the fingerbowl should be discarded, unless in order to add completeness, a tooth-brush were added to the paraphernalia. No attempt to lay down the laws of etiquette can be attempted in this column, yet if A.H. may have observed the behavior of nay number of well-bred guests at a table, an inquirer must have noticed that not one person in ten to-day makes use of the objectionable mouth-glass. To drive it entirely out of use, it would be only necessary for someone to follow quietly, yet not too markedly, the actions of a pretty woman in the act of cleansing her mouth.

Where she a great lady, armed with a triple cuirass of aplomb, she could not stand even the semblance of a few inquiring looks in which some mute astonishment was mingled. Now, can there be any action at a dinner-table among well-bred people which, when observed, should cause inconvenience? Fingerbowls, then, are not objectionable, but goblets in the fingerbowls for other usages are certainly, as Savarin called them, "Inutile, indecente, et dédégoûtante" or "Useless, indecent and disgusting." –New York Times, 1873

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©. Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette "As She is Practiced"

Etiquette is, in short, doing a lot of queer things for fear that if you don’t a lot of people will conclude that you are lacking in refinement, if not common sense.

A writer in the Baltimore Sun has some interesting sidelights on etiquette that contain more truth than poetry: 

“Etiquette is preceding a lady up the stairs and tagging along behind her down the stairs. It is not drinking out of a finger-bowl. It is watching the hostess out of the corner of our eye to see which fork she is using. It is trying to cut the meat off a chicken bone without taking it in your fingers as you do in the bosom of the family. It is leaving your napkin unfolded after a meal to show your hostess that you trust her not to use it again. 

It is burning your tongue with boiling hot coffee rather than pour the coffee into the saucer to cool it. It is answering a formal invitation by speaking of yourself in the third person as though you were somebody else. It is marking a visiting card ‘P. P. C.’ (Pour Prendre Congé) to show that you are going away and ‘P. T. O.’ if you have written something on the back and bending the visiting card in the middle to indicate something or other that at the moment you can’t remember. 

It is, if you are a hostess, having the maid serve you first to prove to your guests that you are not going to poison them without dying, too. It is giving your left arm to a lady so that your right arm is free to use your sword in an emergency. It is waiting for a lady to speak first so that she may have the privilege of cutting you if she wants. It is addressing as ‘Esquire’ anyone to whom you hope to sell life insurance or a bond. It is starting to eat something as soon as you have been helped to it, instead of waiting for everybody to be helped, thereby subtly insinuating to your hostess that her servants are ideal and are going to get around to the others in no time at all. 

Etiquette is, in short, doing a lot of queer things for fear that if you don’t a lot of people will conclude that you are lacking in refinement, if not common sense.” — Editorial Page of Desert Sun News, 1937

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor  for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Table Manners of the Well Bred

 Too much care cannot be given in any family to the ethics of the dining-room. 

AT THE FESTAL BOARD

Table Manners are the Surest Test of Good

Breeding

Probably in no one way does a woman better indicate her early home life than through her table. Its service and belongings, the manners of her children, and her own demeanor show quickly if she be to the manner born. If, as it is said, it takes a hundred years to make a perfect lawn, it may also be asserted that several generations are required to produce a perfect mistress of a gentleman's board, whether she be presiding at the ordinary family meal or with guests assembled about her.

The ease that can come only from a lifetime familiarity with a well-appointed table and the adjustment of herself with her surroundings, which is a part of having known no other environment, is a charm that not all hostesses possess. Too much care cannot be given in any family to the ethics of the dining-room. At its best, the eating process has in it the elements of coarseness, and the most ‘delicate feasting’ partakes of the animal side of life. 

No matter how simple the routine household may be, nor how moderate the domestic purse, it is possible, if the mistress be so educated, to have at all times a well-served, well-mannered and well-ordered table. From such are graduated children who will suffer no mortifications in afterlife on the score of table etiquette, but who will be ready ‘to sup with Princes and eat in the palaces of Kings ‘ at any time.— From The New York Times, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Sushi Bars

When kids and teens find fun at the table, they take to dining etiquette more easily ~ A Panda Shaped, DIY, Bento Sushi Maker Rice Ball Onigiri Mold Mould with Nori Punch found on Ebay 

If you are serious about your sushi, always sit at the sushi bar. Make eye-contact with the itamae or head sushi chef. He is traditionally the one closest to the sushi bar's entrance. If that is not doable, make eye-contact with the junior chef nearest to you. Always remember to ask, "What’s fresh?" This shows you’re serious about your dining experience at the sushi bar and you are more likely to get the freshest fish in the house.

Eat in order. Appreciating sushi means detecting the subtle flavors of the food, noting the texture and the temperature. Start with sashimi, then sushi with rice, then miso soup. The pickled ginger should only be eaten as a palate cleanser. Do this between bites. 

Use your chopsticks if you are eating sashimi. If eating rice topped with fish (nigiri sushi), or sushi rolls, it is proper etiquette to use your hands and not your chopsticks. The loosely packed rice will fall apart if pinched, especially with well-made sushi.

"While there really are no absolute requirements, other than general politeness, there are certain behaviors that may make your dining experience more pleasant, and the staff more attentive and interested in you." - From Sushifaq.com

Nigiri sushi already contains a bit of wasabi between the fish and the rice. It reflects what the sushi chef feels is the proper balance of wasabi to fish, and he will appreciate your enjoyment of that balance. For eating sashimi, mixing a small bit of wasabi into your soy sauce is allowable.


Your fish is already on dry land, so please don’t drown your sushi. Some people immediately dump a lot of salt onto their food, which drives foodies, chefs and sushi fans just nuts! A person who promptly dunks into the soy sauce is considered the equivalent. A little sauce is fine, however, please just don’t dip into it with the sushi rice-side first, otherwise it will crumble and fall apart. Instead, try flipping the piece over and letting the fish lightly touch the sauce.


Sashimi, nigiri sushi, and maki rolls should be consumed all in one bite if possible. This is much easier done in Japan than in the super-size-me U.S.A. In Japan, slices of fish and rolls tend to be much smaller. If you are eating your sushi or roll in more than two bites, you need to master a more elegant style of dining.

Etiquette Classes at Kansas College, 1911

To be a veritable Chesterfield at table,"Don't eat pie so ravenously that it will get in your ears!" 

At the Kansas Agricultural College— by means of formal and informal lunch and dinner parties under an instructor's supervision—the whole senior class will study how to eat according to the laws of etiquette. 

"Practical Cookery and The Etiquette and Service of the Table, Manhattan Department of Printing, Kansas State College of Agriculture and Applied Science" ~ The book went through many revisions over the years, and at first was mainly recipes and instructions. This revised copy is from 1941

A rather pleasant study, by the way, if the college cooks will do their best. Already have these seniors made out a list of nine "dont's" for their own use and that of younger students, which assures one of their firm determination to be veritable Chesterfields at table. 

Thus: 

• Don't balance peas on your knife. 
• Don't eat potatoes with a spoon. 
• Don't eat pie so ravenously that it will get in your ears. 
• Don't tie your napkin around your neck as if you were getting a shave. 
• Don't dip your soup into your vest pocket.
• Don't make the extraction of soup from a spoon sound like escaping steam.
• Don't leave your spoon in your coffee and run the risk of knocking your eye out.
• Don't butter your bread with your thumb.

Hereafter, when anyone scoffingly inquires, "What's the matter with Kansas?" the question can have no possible reference to her table manners. 
—From the Pacific Rural Press, March 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old Etiquette "Don'ts" for Dining, That Are Still Good Today

It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others...

Don't leave your knife and fork on your plate when you send it for a second supply. (This rule is disputed by the English. The logic of the question, however, proves the correctness of the rule for it is not easy to place food up on the plate already occupied by a knife and fork. It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others, so the problem of what to do with your dinner tools should be your own problem, rather than that of the hosts. The handles of knives and forks are leaded so that the blades or tines will not soil the cloth when rested upon the table. Or, one may with a little skill hold his knife and fork without awkwardness.)

Don't reject bits of bone or other substances by spitting them back into the plate. Quietly eject them upon your fork, holding it to your lips and place them up on the plate. Fruit stones may be removed with the fingers.

Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.

Don't bite your bread: break it with your hand.

Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.

Don't stretch across another's plate to reach anything.

Don't apply to your neighbor to pass articles when the servant is at hand.

Don't finger articles: don't play with your napkin or your goblet or your fork or with anything.

Don't mop your face or beard with a napkin. Draw it across your lips neatly.

Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side...

Don't turn your back to one person for the purpose of talking with another; don't talk across the one seated next to you.

Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side has the first claim upon your attention. A lady at your side must not be neglected, whether you have been introduced to her or not.

Don't talk when your mouth is full.

–From “Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct and Speech,” by Oliver Bell Bunce 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette from Brillat Savarin's “The Physiology of Taste"

A French born lawyer and politician, (1783-1833) writer Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin gained his fame as an epicure and gastronome and helped found the genre of the gastronomic essay. He made famous the aphorism, "Tell me what you eat, and I'll tell you who you are." He believed that food defined a nation. 

APHORISMS OF THE PROFESSOR- 

TO SERVE AS PROLEGOMENA TO HIS WORK AND ETERNAL BASIS TO THE SCIENCE...

"The Creator, when he obliges man to eat, invites him to do so by appetite, and rewards him by pleasure."

I. The universe would be nothing were it not for life and all that lives must be fed.

II. Animals fill themselves; man eats. The man of mind alone knows how to eat.

III. The destiny of nations depends on the manner in which they are fed.

IV. Tell me what kind of food you eat, and I will tell you what kind of man you are.

V. The Creator, when he obliges man to eat, invites him to do so by appetite, and rewards him by pleasure.

VI. Gourmandise is an act of our judgment, in obedience to which, we grant a preference to things which are agreeable, over those which have not that quality.                   

The drunkenness of Noah :"Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking."

VII. The pleasure of the table belongs to all ages, to all conditions, to all countries, and to all areas; it mingles with all other pleasures, and remains at last to console us for their departure.

VIII. The table is the only place where one does not suffer, from ennui during the first hour.

IX. The discovery of a new dish confers more happiness on humanity, than the discovery of a new star.

X. Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking.
             

"A dessert without cheese is like a beautiful woman who has lost an eye."

XI. The order of food is from the most substantial to the lightest.

XII. The order of drinking is from the mildest to the most foamy and perfumed.

XIII. To say that we should not change our drinks is a heresy; the tongue becomes saturated, and after the third glass yields but an obtuse sensation.

XIV. A dessert without cheese is like a beautiful woman who has lost an eye.

XV. A cook may be taught, but a man who can roast, is born with the faculty.

XVI. The most indispensable quality of a good cook is promptness. It should also be that of the guests.

XVII. To wait too long for a dilatory guest, shows disrespect to those who are punctual.

XVIII. He who receives friends and pays no attention to the repast prepared for them, is not fit to have friends.

XIX. The mistress of the house should always be certain that the coffee be excellent; the master that his liquors be of the first quality.

XX. To invite a person to your house is to take charge of his happiness as long as he be beneath your roof.

From Brillat Savarin's “The Physiology of Taste," 1825

Etiquette for Lobster and Shellfish

How to Eat a Lobster Boiled or Broiled-

Andy (Andrew) Warhol's artwork added to “Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette,” as well as her wonderful cookbook

1. Holding the body of the lobster on the plate with the left hand, twist off the claws with the right. Lay on side of plate.

2. Holding the lobster steady on plate, if necessary, lift up tail meat with fork. Cut into manageable segments with knife, dip in melted butter or mayonnaise.
3. Break off small claws and gently suck out meat from severed end.

4. Crack big claws, extract meat with seafood fork or nutpick, dip in melted butter or mayonnaise.

5. With seafood fork, pick out the good meat in the body, including the tamale, the green liver (and in females, the scarlet roe). Real lobster lovers unhinge the back and open the body of the lobster to extract the remaining sweet morsels.

A collection of seafood forks and cocktail forks, along with one splayed-tine lemon fork. 

Seafood 

Steamed Clams -
The steaming process is supposed to open the shell completely but sometimes doesn't. If a shell is not fully open, take it up and bend it back with the fingers. If this doesn't work, forget that one. Do not use a dinner knife or fork as an opener. With shell fully open, take the shell in left hand just over the dish and with the right hand lift out the clam by the neck. Holding the neck with the right hand, pull the body of the clam from it and discard the neck sheath. Holding the clam by the neck with the right hand, place the whole clam first in melted butter or broth, or both alternately, then in the mouth in one bite.

As empty shells collect, remove to butter plate or shell plates provided (and as clam-eating of this kind is always informal, it is an excellent idea for the hostess to provide platters or bowls for empty shells as well as finger bowls with hot soapy water afterward). Do not spoon up remaining liquid in soup plate- it may be sandy, but drink the broth separately provided in a bouillon cup or small bowl (but not if it is in a little dish). If clams are fried, eat with fork after breaking into two pieces if necessary. As these are greasy they should not be taken in the fingers, even by the neck.

Lobster and Hard-Shelled Crabs (Broiled or Boiled)-

Lobster picks, seafood forks and rare, silver, Victorian lobster tongs. 

The claws of both of these require dexterous handling. They should be cracked in the kitchen but further cracking at table (with a nutcracker) may be needed. Then the shells are pulled apart by the fingers and the tender meat extracted carefully so, if possible, it comes out whole. A nut pick is useful for this, but an oyster fork may do it, too. The claw meat, if small and in one piece, is dipped in melted butter or, with cold crab or lobster, in mayonnaise, then put all at once into the mouth. Larger pieces are first cut with a fork. The green material in the stomach cavity, called the "tamale," along with the "coral" or roe in the female, are delicacies and should be eaten with the fork. The small claws are pulled from the body with the fingers, then the body-ends placed between the teeth so the meat may be extracted by chewing (but without a sucking noise). The major portion of meat is found in the stomach cavity and the tail and is first speared, one side at a time, with the fork, then with the help of the knife, if necessary, lifted out and cut as needed into mouthfuls, then dipped in sauce or mayonnaise with the fork.

Mussels-

An odd fact ~ Watch what you serve if you are hosting any of the British monarchy. British Royals are never served shellfish in order to avoid poisoning. 

Served pickled or smoked on toothpicks as cocktail titbits and are thus taken via toothpick directly to the mouth. Served in shells and all in a variety of soup styles, too Moules Marinieres (Mussels mariner style) in a soup dish with a delicate thin soup like sauce redolent with garlic. The mussels may be picked out with a small oyster fork provided, but it is easier and just as correct to use the shells containing the mussels as small scoops. Pick up with the right hand and, placing the tip of the shell in the mouth gently (and silently), suck out mussel and sauce, then discard shell onto butter plate or platter provided. When shells have been cleared from dish, eat balance of sauce with spoon and bits of French bread used to sop up sauce, then conveyed to mouth with fork. The Italian variety of this dish has tomato, and is eaten the same way, often as a main dish with salad. A finger bowl is essential.

Oysters and Clams (Half Shell)-

Antique oyster or seafood fork 

Hold the shell steady with left hand and, using oyster fork, lift oyster or clam whole from shell, detaching, where necessary, with fork. Dip in cocktail sauce in container on plate, if desired. Eat in one mouthful. Oyster crackers may be dropped whole in sauce, extracted with oyster fork and eaten.

E.B. Mallory and Company's oyster advertisement, circa 1880's. Eliada Blakesley Mallory canning company in Gladesville and Baltimore, Maryland produced "Arrow Brand" oysters, thus the arrows being used as oyster forks in the advertisement. 

Shrimps, Scallops, Oysters (Fried)-

Diamond brand oyster advertisement. 

Eaten like fried clams, except that oriental fried shrimp (French fried with the tails on) are to be taken up by the tail and dipped in sauce, then bitten off to the tail, which is then discarded. Unshelled shrimp are lifted in the fingers, shelled, and conveyed whole to the mouth.

From the original "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Savvy Business Seating Etiquette

One tip: If there will be an odd number of guests, request a round table, so that no one sits next to an empty seat. 

In the world of business, much energy goes into getting it right at the boardroom negotiating table. But even the smartest of business execs sometimes forget to play it smart and savvy at another equally important table: The dining table. And this is not just about knowing which fork to use, or silencing your mobile phone and leaving it off of the table.

Where you place your guests, especially those visiting international guests, conveys an instant, unspoken message about the level of esteem you hold them in. It also is a way for them to gauge your own understanding of seating protocol.

Always consider the seating chart as of the most important aspects of any form of business dining and entertaining. “Getting it right” means that everyone feels respected and you look like a pro. It is a clear win-win. Get it wrong, and it is an epic fail.

If multiple languages are to be spoken, include appropriately placed interpreters at the table. 

Below are a few of the finer points of business seating strategies:

■ Always choose a restaurant or venue that you are familiar with, and hopefully one that knows you as a customer. Book the table, or room, well in advance to secure the best.  Make certain your tables don't face a mirror, are nowhere near the kitchen, or the restrooms, for that matter. The fewer distractions, the better.

■ If you have an odd number of guests in your party, request a large, round table. That way, no one is left sitting next to an empty seat. 

■ When creating a seating chart, the position of honor is always to the right of the Host. If you have more than one honored guest then the second highest-ranking guest sits to your left. When there is a third honored guest they sit to the right of your first honored guest. Gender never plays a role in determining a seat of honor. Rank determines someone's level of importance. 

■ If multiple languages are to be spoken, include appropriately placed interpreters at the table. 

■ For larger groups you will find it helpful to use place cards.  Share your seating plan with the maitre'd, and let the waiter know early on of any particular requests, so that there will be no surprises. Let them know that you will be directing seating when your group arrives. 

■ As the host, or hostess, you should always arrive early to make certain that nothing has been overlooked. 

Share your seating plan with the maître d’ and let the waiter know early on of any particular requests.

 ■ Greet your guests at the entrance. If you and a guest arrive at the same time, walk in together, pause and allow the maître d’ to lead you to your table. The guest follows the maitre d' while you follow the guest. 

■ Once you are at your table/s, indicate to your guests where they should sit. 

■ If you must go to the table to await your guests, do not open your napkin, and do not order a drink. You don't want your guests to feel as if they are late, but do want to look as if you have just arrived. 

■ When your guests arrive, stand to greet them. Remain standing until they are all seated. 

■ Placing your napkin in your lap will signal to the wait staff that you are ready to order, or be served, so leave your napkin on the table until all your guests have been seated. If there are any business issues you'd need to address prior to the meal, leave your napkin on the table until those matters have been discussed and the discussions are concluded. 

Remember, that not every point mentioned will apply to every entertaining setting or event. However, using this as a basic guideline, and controlling the atmosphere around you, as much as the situation will allow, demonstrates respect and an understanding of business etiquette and seating etiquette strategies on your part. - Source Sydney Morning Herald, 2014 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia