Floriography and Etiquette

Floriography is a means of cryptological communication, through the use or arrangement of flowers and plants. In Kate Greenaway’s illustrated “Language of Flowers.”, there are over 30 meanings for as many types of roses. — photo source Cliff Graber

Symbolic meaning has been attributed to flowers for centuries. Originating in the Courts of Constantinople in early 18th-century Turkey, and spreading throughout the world, the term for this is “Floriography.” Floriography has been practiced in some form in traditional cultures throughout the world. 

Both flowers and plants are used as symbols in the Hebrew Bible, particularly for love and lovers. In the “Song of Songs,“ flowers and plants are symbolic for the Israelite people, as well as for the coming Messiah. 

In Western culture, popular authors like Shakespeare, ascribed symbolic meanings to flowers, which encouraged readers to employ the symbolisms. Interest in floriography soared in popular culture in Victorian England and in the United States during the 19th century. 

Most books on etiquette and decorum offered lengthy lists of flowers and their meanings. Coded messages, created with flowers, were sent as romantic gestures. The sender of such a bouquet could express feelings which would not be socially appropriate to verbalize or send in writing, during the Victorian era. 

Numerous books on flowers, plants and their meanings, were published in The 17th and 18th centuries. The most popular book in Western culture on floriography is Victorian, Kate Greenaway’s illustrated “Language of Flowers.” The book’s popularity continued into the Edwardian era and beyond.

In Greenaway’s book, no flower was left off of her extensive list. Roses had many meanings, depending on the type and color, as shown below:

1. Rose, Austrian — Thou art all that is lovely
2. Rose, Bridal — Happy love
3. Rose, Burgundy — Unconscious beauty
4. Rose, Cabbage — Ambassador of love
5. Rose, Campion — Only deserve my love
6. Rose, Carolina — Love is dangerous
7. Rose, China — Beauty always new
8. Rose, Christmas — Tranquillize my anxiety
9. Rose, Daily — Thy smile I aspire to
10. Rose, Damask — Brilliant complexion
11. Rose, Deep Red — Bashful shame
12. Rose, Dog — Pleasure and pain.
13. Rose, Guelder — Winter, Age
14. Rose, Hundred-leaved — Pride 
15. Rose, Japan — Beauty is your only attraction 
16. Rose, Maiden Blush — If you love me, you will find it out 
17. Rose, Multiflora — Grace 
18. Rose, Mundi — Variety
19. Rose, Musk — Capricious beauty
20. Rose, Musk, Cluster — Charming 
21. Rose, Single — Simplicity 
22. Rose, Thornless — Early attachment 
23. Rose, Unique — Call me not beautiful 
24. Rose, White — I am worthy of you 
25. Rose, White (withered) — Transient impressions.
26. Rose, Yellow — Decrease of love, Jealously
27. Rose, York and Lancaster — War 
28. Rose, Full-blown, placed over two Buds — Secrecy 
29. Rose, White and Red together — Unity 
30. Roses, Crown of — Reward of virtue 
31. Rosebud, Red — Pure and lovely
32. Rosebud, White — Girlhood 
33. Rosebud, Moss — Confession of love

        *From a variety of sources, including Wikipedia 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Japanese Etiquette and Manners

As with the French, the Japanese believe in promoting good manners, social skills and etiquette at an early age.— “Little girls of 10 will one see here, whose finish of breeding would have awakened the envy of a Duchess at the Court of Louis XIV at Versailles. Female servants one will encounter, at a dinner in the house of a Japanese gentleman, whose grace, charm and dignity are the quintessence of lady-like refinement.”— Meme fromThe Free Thought Project.com

Etiquette Has Become Second Nature In the Land of the Mikado

Given a highly imitative people like the Japanese, and let one undeviating standard be set before them. Then, generation after generation, will no change be witnessed. The standard will act like that of the French academy on the language of France. Now, at home, in America, we have 50 standards of manners—the reserved and reticent New England manners, the slap you on the back far western manners, the demagogue’s manners, the drummer’s manners, the cut and dried business man’s manners—these and dozens of others might be specified. And it must be admitted by even the most patriotic, that the man who should try to model his deportment on all these schools at once would come to a somewhat mixed result. Nothing of this bewildering complexity has ever existed in Japan. 

From Mikado at the top to cooly at the bottom of the social scale, one undeviating standard has always prevailed. Originally an importation from China, it has been elaborated through centuries of study of the most elaborate ceremonial etiquette ‘til at last, through constant practice, it has become second nature. No one ever saw anything else, ever dreamed of anything else. There was one way of saluting a superior, one of saluting an equal, one of saluting an inferior, and one’s head would have been cut off had he departed from it. No Japanese child ever saw a drummer—saw only prostrate artisans saluting samurai, samurai saluting daimios, daimios saluting shoguns. The whole ceremonial became organized into them as much as their instinctive habits into our setters and pointers, perhaps the best mannered of our population. 

Little girls of 10 will one see here, whose finish of breeding would have awakened the envy of a Duchess at the Court of Louis XIV at Versailles. Female servants one will encounter at a dinner in the house of a Japanese gentleman whose grace, charm and dignity are the quintessence of lady-like  refinement. “Trifles make perfection, but perfection is no trifle. ” The simple fact is that the young woman of 20 has been doing the thing for a thousand years. — Christian Register, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Profiles in Etiquette — June Dally-Watkins

The Australian elocution, etiquette and modeling circles grieve for June Dally-Watkins, whom shall forevermore remain synonymous with elegance, grace, etiquette and poise. The doyenne of Australian etiquette, and the Australian Amy Vanderbilt of her time, she inspired men and women to aspire to good manners, humanity, eloquence and kindness throughout the decades. In doing so, she created a legacy that etiquette teachers such as myself aspire to furthering. My thoughts are with her family at this time. — Elizabeth Soos (picture from jdwbrisbane)

June Dally-Watkins, as photographed by Max Dupain, was awarded the Medal of the Order of Australia for services to business in 1993. — public domain photo, source Australian National Gallery

Australia's first etiquette doyenne and true style icon was June Dally-Watkins. She was the woman who brought good posture, carriage and good manners to Australia, which was said to be a Herculean task, but seen as vital for those who aspired to all of the finer things in life.

Born to humble circumstances in 1927 near Tamworth, in New South Wales, she became Australia's first “supermodel.” Her stunning looks set her on the path to modeling and in 1949, Watkins was crowned Australia’s ”Model of the Year.” In 1950, she established the June Dally-Watkins School of Deportment. A testament to her popularity, style and grace, the school is still in operation today.

Over the years, Watkins trained hundreds of Australian women and men in deportment, becoming Australia's best known style and etiquette expert, after she established the first modeling agency in Australia in 1951. Later, she opened a business college. 

She was awarded the Medal of the Order of Australia in 1993 for services to business, and was named as one of the 100 Australian Legends and a National Treasure. According to News.com.au, Ms Dally-Watkins spent her final years teaching etiquette to young women in China. “They want to be westernised, the Chinese,” Mrs Dally-Watkins told 2GB last year. “They want to have good western manners. They want to know how to carry their body.”

Overnight on February 23rd, her family announced she passed away peacefully, with her family at her side. Ms Dally-Watkins is survived by her four children, her seven grandchildren and a great-grandchild.

For many years, Etiquipedia’s newest contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Left-Handed Etiquette

Etiquette Tips for Left-handed Folks

Left-handedness occurs in 10% of the population.  While the dominant use of the left hand many times goes unnoticed, there was a time when left-handers were reinforced in a variety of ways to learn to write, eat, and generally function as right-handed people do.

My father was one of these left-handed folks.  Fortunately, past the learning stages, which he didn’t share, he never regretted learning how to do things well with his right hand and became ambidextrous.  Sadly, many people have not had my dad’s experience.

About Learning

While right-handed training for lefties is not as popular as it once was, there are still some adaptations necessary.

At a recent home training, as I demonstrated ways left-handers often choose to deal with their utensils, one person became frustrated because she “couldn’t do it” when asked to cut using the global cutting position (right hand holds knife and left hand holds fork).  

I learned a great deal that evening.  She was able to completely mirror the right-handed experience with her left hand.  In other words, she could hold all utensils properly—but it all began with reversed global cutting position with her knife held in her left hand. 

I encouraged her to always feel comfortable eating in this mirrored fashion.  She was happy to learn that the utensils had a proper way of being held and was able to tidy up her utensil use habits.  I am sure she will dine “under the radar” at all events, as she is comfortable and confident that she knows how and doesn’t doubt herself.

Coping When Dining

As the above example shows, it is entirely possible for a left-handed person to adapt a dining style that doesn’t draw attention.  Dining with others, especially those you don’t know very well, is all about enjoying food and camaraderie.

Many hosts will check with guests before an event or occasion to ensure that specific needs are met.  This is the time to mention that you are left-handed and any accommodation preference.

• Sometimes left-handed diners prefer to sit at the end of a table so that they don’t elbow a fellow diner.  This can happen when diners are eating American, cut and switch style, as is common in the U.S.  
• If a host knows that one of her guests is left-handed she might seat him at a left-hand corner of the table.  
• At a business dining setting or at your boss’ home, unless you are asked, it’s best not to mention special seating for yourself. 
• Food is served from the left to each guest, unless the guest lets the host know he is left-handed, in which case the host may arrange to have that guest served from the right.
• Food is passed to the right, which can be advantageous for someone who prefers to receive with her left hand.  
• Tables are set for right-handers.  If left-handed, it is difficult to butter your roll from the bread plate.  Do your best, as you won’t be flying under the radar if you move dishes around.
  

Shaking Hands

Yes, the handshake is traditionally performed with the right hand.  But not always.

When a person is unable to shake with his right hand, it is customary that when someone reaches for his hand, he offers the backside of his left hand. 

If a person knows that another person is unable to shake with her right hand/arm, offering his left hand is a kind gesture. However, as people who have been in the situation know, it can get complicated. Those who need to have developed their own way of handling a greeting situation.

Being mindful is always key.

Geared Toward Right-handedness

We live in a predominantly right-handed world with traditional social practices geared to right-handed people.

However, etiquette does not require uniform practices.  Etiquette does require acceptance and consideration for and by anyone wishing to participate in a social practice.

As Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners) has said, “While it is true that table manners are geared toward the right-handed majority, we should all be able to eat peacefully together with the hand of our choice, and without having to get up from the table to march for minority rights.”

While efforts should be made to avoid drawing attention to oneself, sometimes the easiest way to do this is to adapt a unique style of blending in.  And the kindness and acceptance of those with whom you are blending will make this a celebration of individuality.

Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Emily Post on Candles and Smokers

One of the better known writers on manners, with her first book of etiquette published in 1922, is Emily Post. Though she died in 1960, her extended family (most notably her late-granddaughter in-law, Elizabeth Post) has successfully continued on with her legacy of  nearly a century of etiquette books, news columns and social media contributions. – Above, “Emily Post” by Miguel Covarrubias for Vanity Fair, December 1933 
– Image source, Pinterest 

From “Good Taste Today” 

Dear Mrs. Post: Will you please tell me, first if it is proper to use unlighted candles (in candelabra) on the buffet merely as decoration? Second, if it is proper to use them then, should the candles be new or should they be lighted and snuffed out, leaving chaired ends?  

Answer: If by a buffet you mean a sideboard, candelabra are suitable decoration. There is no rule about burning off the candles, but if you did this the candelabra would at least look as though they were sometimes used on the dining table and merely stood on the sideboard between while. Candles are, of course, always put on an evening buffet table and lighted beforehand unless in summer when the evening meal begins in daylight.  

Dear Mrs. Post: How can I be courteous about letting visitors in my house know that I do not like cigaret smoke? Any one using strong perfume is supposed to be showing very bad taste, and yet cigaret smoke smells equally strong, to say nothing of smoke-drenched clothes worn by the inveterate smokers. When I have to spend a day or evening with smokers, I am completely seasick. 

Answer: If people you care very little about are the smokers, the solution is simple enough since you need not continue inviting them to your house. If, however, all the people you like best smoke, you will, I am afraid, have to accustom yourself to smoke or resign yourself to loneliness. On the other hand, I think it only fair to mention that your friends should in their turn show reasonable consideration for you. 

Every smoker should realize that smoking at a dining table, which has not been furnished with ash trays and cigarets, is a breach of etiquette. After the meal, of course, the question of courtesy goes into reverse and those who dislike smoke are unhappily for themselves expected to tolerate it. One thing that might help you, if you have not already discovered it, is to remove the dead ends constantly from the ash trays or better still, get especial ash receivers with water compartments beneath trap tops which prevent that stale smell, which is more than likely the cause of your feeling of seasickness. —Emily Post, 1939

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Etiquette from Emily Post

One of the better known writers on manners, with her first book of etiquette published in 1922, is Emily Post. Though she died in 1960, her extended family (most notably her late-granddaughter in-law, Elizabeth Post) has successfully continued on with her legacy of  nearly a century of etiquette books, news columns and social media contributions. – Above, “Emily Post” by Miguel Covarrubias for Vanity Fair, December 1933 
– Image source, Pinterest 

Dear Mrs. Post: May a young woman who is going out with a young man for the evening, wear a corsage sent to her by some one else? 

Answer: I think a man who has very little money and who had wanted to send her flowers and was not able to afford it, might feel not only embarrassed but distressed. A so-called “gilded youth,” meaning one whose purse is more man usually deep, would not be likely to notice the flowers. If he does, he'll probably say, “Oh, I'm sorry,” and remember to send her some at another time.

Dear Mrs, Post: Mr. and Mrs. Graham are both medical doctors and both practising. How shall I introduce them socially and how can I let strangers know that they are man and wife? To say Dr. Mary Graham and Dr. John Graham might give the impression to some that they are brother and sister. 

Answer: Introduce them as Dr. Graham and his wife, Dr. Mary Graham. In this particular case it is best that the wife be introduced second rather than first, because to say Dr. Mary Graham and her husband, Dr. John Graham, does not sound as well as the other way about.

Dear Mrs. Post: Would it be sliding over one's obligations to give a dessert bridge in return for the other people's lunch party invitations? I am indebted to so many people and I cannot afford to give a real lunch party but that I might have a dessert bridge instead, if that could be considered a fair return. 

Answer: It is not necessary to repay hospitality in kind, but a fraction of a lunch in return for many complete luncheons would be a less happy choice than another type of party altogether. Therefore, I would rather suggest a buffet meal, either lunch or supper, and not just the last course of a luncheon. However, if a buffet meal is too much of an undertaking, it would be entirely proper to give a bridge party and serve afternoon tea with little sandwiches and cakes. According to best form, nothing more than this should be served at a bridge party, ever.

Dear Mrs. Post: At a dinner for 200, to celebrate a silver wedding anniversary, would the guests be seated with place cards at the small tables? 

Answer; I think most people find themselves more at ease if they have a definite place to go to, but it would not be easy to seat as many as 200. In other words, It is entirely correct to seat all the tables and on the other hand all right just to seat your own table, which includes yourself and the original bridal party and any others whom you would like especially to have with you. —Emily Post, 1939

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. White House Etiquette

Guests to the White House should really keep their hands to themselves. “Inquisitive people often like to study the upholstery, perhaps, and they forget to replace the shams. The shelf ornaments may take their fancy, and they sometimes fail to restore things to the condition in which they were left at the dictation of the President’s aesthetic taste. In this democratic age, few people are aware of the grandeur to be seen in the home of the Chief Ruler of the nation.”
 U.S. President Chester A. Arthur, 1881-1885
- photo source US News and World Report 

Some Presidential Habits

President Arthur pays attention to every little detail of household decoration. He continually wants this or that article of furniture shifted about, to change the appearance of things. He is particular even to the exact angle at which the corner pieces of furniture rest, and on Mondays, when the rules he has made for the White House exclude visitors, it is his custom to inspect the house throughout and see that everything is in order. A reception is apt to leave some things topsy-turvy. 

Inquisitive people often like to study the upholstery, perhaps, and they forget to replace the shams. The shelf ornaments may take their fancy, and they sometimes fail to restore things to the condition in which they were left at the dictation of the President’s aesthetic taste. In this democratic age, few people are aware of the grandeur to be seen in the home of the Chief Ruler of the nation. 

The state dining room is the room in which the President entertains at table the distinguished guests. No matter whom it may be he is entertaining, the President is always served first. He sits at the centre of one side of the long table, his wife, if he be married, directly opposite him. It sometimes happens that the Secretary of State will be seated in the chair usually assigned to the President’s wife. After the President has been served, White House etiquette requires that the lady sitting next the President on his right, and then the lady on his left, be served before any others. Then the President’s wife is waited upon, and afterward the gentlemen immediately on her right and left, in the order named. Then the other guests follow. 

Whenever the table is set for a dinner, the large brass plateau is set for sixteen feet along the table, which was imported from France during the administration of President Monroe, is filled with fruits, flowers and French candies. In the centre, directly in front of the President, is placed a full rigged floral ship, which was sent to President Garfield at the time of the last inauguration by a Boston florist. The flowers are renewed from the White House conservatory. When the chandeliers and candelabra are lighted, and other effects produced to heighten the scene, the spectator is apt to think of the regal festivities of some other land than free America. 

Across the wide hall or corridor, which extends from the East Room to the large plant conservatory at the west end of the house, I was shown into the private dining room of the President. There I saw the handsome buffet and the sideboard which Mrs. Hayes had made during her stay in the While House. The buffet was ornamented with pretty platters and dishes finished from designs of Theodore Davis, the New York artist. The scene depicted upon each dish suggests a story of some kind. 

In the drawers of the sideboard is kept the White House silverware. The gold spoons which President Van Buren purchased are still here. They are said to have defeated him when he ran a second time for the Presidency. Some of the silverware I saw, Crump said, was seventy years old, and the side tables in the room have done duty for sixty five years. The President often entertains his company in this private dining room. Then the upper gas jets are lighted, and the eight candelabra, four of silver and four of brass, are distributed on the table and about the room, the reflectors all being so colored, as to impart a deep rosy tint to the scene. Sixteen pounds of candles are used to carry out this system of lighting by candelabra.

It may be of interest to some people to know the hours meals are served at the White House. During the Hayes’ administration, breakfast was served at 8:30 o'clock, lunch at 1:00 and dinner at 6:00. When President Garfield became the host, the hours were (an Ohio idea) changed, breakfast was ready at 7:30. dinner at 3:00 and tea at 7:00. President Arthur is not regular as to any meal except dinner, which is served at 8 o’clock in the evening (a metropolitan ideal). He is not an early riser, and it is not unusual for his breakfast to be as late as 10:30 o'clock. A cup of coffee is always relished by him at this meal. 

He rarely resigns himself to slumber till 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, and five or six hours are all he requires for rest. How he maintains good health under the heavy strain of so many hours of activity is a question that troubles his friends. He is fond of the delicacies of the season, and his table is the least expensive of the various drafts upon his purse. — Cleveland Herald, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. African Travel Etiquette

 
In approaching them, always send word of your coming and get, if possible, information in advance, of the feeling of the Chief toward foreigners. —Drawing of a Congoland Chief, by travel writer and journalist, Edward James Glaves —Photo source, Picryl

In African travel it is always wise to visit the biggest Chief in any part of the country. One can always learn from other Chiefs at a distance, who they are and something of their character. In approaching them, always send word of your coming and get, if possible, information in advance, of the feeling of the Chief toward foreigners.

Upon nearing the village, send on ahead to announce your arrival and wait until your messenger returns with some of the villagers to escort you to their Chief.  Greet the Chief civilly and ask him to send one of his people to show you a good place for your tent, if you decide to camp in the village, which I have done invariably in the country, though it is not always advisable in every part of Central Africa. When you have rested, the Chief will come to see you. Then state to him your business, talk frankly with him and explain plainly your needs, whether you want guides or to buy food. 

I seldom stayed in a place more than one day, and generally the first night I called the Chief privately into my tent, had a long talk with him and gave him a present; consisting generally of a good cloth, four yards of Americani, four of wide blue, four of narrow calico and about an egg cup full of beads and sometimes an empty bottle or two. 

Invariably, I received next day the co-operation of the Chief in every way, and also a big goat or sheep or bullock and 60 or 70 pounds of flour. Sometimes I gave a small additional present before leaving. If the Chief took a fancy to any particular thing and I could spare it, I did so sometimes. One wanted a sheath knife and another a bat. 

Old Kambuidi was determined to have a shirt. He wanted a candle, matches and needles, which I gave him, and as I had previously given him cloth, I suggested, as a feeble sort of joke, that, as he now had cloth and sewing materials and light, he might sit up at night and make a shirt. Immediately the old fellow replied: “It is the candle that is interfering with my success. Here, take back the candle and give me the shirt." I finally yielded and gave him a much patched garment, which satisfied him.— from “Glave's Journey to the Livingstone Tree.” by the Late E.J. Glave, in Century, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Fish Knife Etiquette and Pretentions

“The fish knife is the epitome of gentility. With a scalloped shaped blade, the end is just pointy enough to pick small bones from a cooked fish, and the flat blade is useful for sliding between the flesh and skin.” - The fish knife, third from the right, is before the dinner and salad knives in the order of use at a Continental place setting. The fish course, in formal Continental dining, is always served before the main course and the salad course is always served afterward, just the opposite as in American dining.

Is the fish knife our most pretentious utensil?

Now largely forgotten, the fish knife comes from an age where table etiquette was front and centre, leading to nearly two hundred different eating utensils being designed for different courses and foods. Adopted by an aspiring middle class wishing to dine like the gentrified, the odd utensil was later targeted by high society as an object of ridicule, as Colin Bisset writes.

The fish knife is the epitome of gentility. With a scalloped shaped blade, the end is just pointy enough to pick small bones from a cooked fish, and the flat blade is useful for sliding between the flesh and skin.

The fish knife first appeared in the first half of the nineteenth century in Britain. Thanks to thriving industry and the wealth generated by an expanding Empire, the rising middle-classes aspired to a gentrified way of dining. From the 1850s, dinners were usually served a la russe, which meant as separate courses as opposed to the previous practice of putting all dishes on the table at the same time. This led to the introduction of a variety of implements to help distinguish the serving and eating of everything from oysters to elaborate puddings, making negotiating a dinner a nightmare for those lacking knowledge of table etiquette.

It was a boon for cutlery manufacturers who were able to not only to design and market nearly two hundred eating implements but several styles for each one. (Washing up after these long dinners was certainly an arduous task.) The fish knife was an object of fussy design, solving a problem that was not truly present. It is interesting that they managed to last so long when the other cutlery inventions of the Victorian table have largely vanished.

A fish knife was an essential component for the fish course and they were quickly adapted for dining tables across the newly industrialised world. Made from either plated or solid silver, because ordinary metal blades were believed to blacken when coming into contact with fish, they offered hosts the opportunity to show the world that they could afford to dine in the finest fashion. With ever-more fanciful shapes, some engraved with fish-scales, others as curvaceous as a fish itself, the maritime theme was de rigeur.

The thought of an ordinary silver knife being able to serve the purpose just as well seems to have been politely put to one side. A larger version was often part of a set for the filleting and serving of a fish meant for several diners.

By the end of the First World War, they fell from fashion, at least for the upper classes who had always found them rather vulgar and preferred to use two forks to fillet a fish. As the century progressed, they quickly became an object of ridicule. However, the invention of stainless steel in the 1920s meant that they could be manufactured cheaply and thus anyone who aspired to a posh kind of gentility would be in possession of a set.

Snobbish writers such as poet John Betjeman mocked their use, branding the utensil non-U (the term coined by Nancy Mitford to differentiate those with class from those with pretensions to it). Betjeman's famous poem of 1958 “How To Get On In Society” is a catalogue of names and terms used by the upwardly-mobile, at first sight gently mocking but actually (as Betjeman was) quite savage. 'Phone for the fish knives, Norman,' starts the poem, immediately highlighting a raft of non-U words: phone, fish knives and Norman.

The fish knife was an object of fussy design, solving a problem that was not truly present. It is interesting that they managed to last so long when the other cutlery inventions of the Victorian table have largely vanished.

A visit to any antique shop will however always turn up many sets—many will never have been used. Perhaps, like the fondue set and the parfait dish, their time will come again. They might indeed be reclaimed as symbols for the class warrior and those who despise the snobbism implicit in certain objects.

They remain, however, as an interesting throwback to a time when how one ate was almost more important than what one ate.— By Colin Bisset for Design, 2013

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the

Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Sugar Etiquette in Jane Austen’s Era

When entertaining guests with afternoon tea, sugar and milk are essential to the properly set tea table. — Socially conscious Georgian and Regency era tea drinkers would either refuse sugar in their brew or only drink their tea with non-slave trade, East India Sugar. — Above are Georgian era sugar tongs: “These early scissor-shaped sugar tongs resembled candle douters, with loop handles and scrolled stems, terminating in wide, flat, shell-shaped claws for holding the sugar.”

“The introduction of coffee, tea, and cocoa into Europe provided the well-off with an alternative to alcohol for the 1st time in history. Chocolate drinking, coffee houses, and afternoon tea all acquired a gentility far removed from ale house bawdiness, and became 1st a luxurious amenity, then by the 4th quarter of the 17th century a middle-class necessity. But all 3 were crude, often bitter, and unconsumable, it was said, without sugar. From about 1680 the fashion for these hot drinks became a potent factor in the surge in sugar demand and consequent increased production, which progressively raised the sugar trade to the point of importance which it had assumed by 1700.During the 2nd half of the 18th century the temperance cause developed into an important social movement, initiated by various Protestant denominations and therefore strongest in northern Europe, in countries such as Britain and the Netherlands. 

“Sugared tea became the respectable alternative to beer or wine long before water was safe to drink without boiling. These changes in social habits significantly increased the demand for sugar and were probably responsible for about half of the increased trade. Socially conscious tea drinkers would either refuse sugar in their brew or only drink East India Sugar. The ingenious wording of a certain English china ware-house’s advertisement for sugar basins in the early 1800s exploited the contemporary wave of liberal thinking: ‘East India Sugar not made by Slaves,’ the pots were printed, thus enabling the purchaser to display his conscience publicly. ‘A Family that uses 5lb of Sugar a Week,’ the advertisement continued, ‘will, by using East India instead of West India, for 21 Months, prevent the Slavery, or Murder, of one Fellow Creature! Eight such Families in 191⁄2 years will prevent the Slavery, or Murder of 100!’” — from “Sugar and the Slave Trade,” H. Hobhouse

In the Georgian era, lumps of sugar, cracked from the loaf with steel sugar nippers, were lifted from sugar bowl to tea cup, with the aid of sugar tongs. The earliest reference to this constituent of the silver tea-equipage appears in W. King's cookery book, published in 1708. These early scissor-shaped sugar tongs resembled candle douters, with loop handles and scrolled stems, terminating in wide, flat, shell-shaped claws for holding the sugar.

The scissor design long retained its popularity and, as with scissors themselves, included the stork design of the third quarter of the eighteenth century. In this the tongs resembled a long-beaked stork, consisting of two long has joined together by a rivet forming the bird's eyes and serving as a pivot the body was shaped and chased to resemble wing feathers and the legs ended in circular loops for the fingers. — “1500-1820: Three Centuries of English Domestic Silver,” by Bernard and Therle Hughs, 1952

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mote Spoon Etiquette and Usage

The skimming was done by the “tea-blender,” usually the most presentable house-maid or parlor maid, who had charge of the tea-table equipment, preparing the tea and handing a cup of tea to each guest and member of the family. Unless on formal occasions, however, mote-skimming was each individual’s own concern. Modern day usage and etiquette would have the honored guest at an afternoon tea— one who has been asked to pour — to use the mote spoon for skimming any pieces of tea leaf floating in a tea cup. 

The Georgian tea equipage usually included a tea strainer or mote-skimmer, “mote” being the old English word for a minute particle of foreign matter in food or drink. This dainty little tool was like a long-handled spoon. The barbed or point on its slender stem, was used for clearing the perforations at the base of the tea spout, and the bowl patterned with perforations, for skimming the infusion in the cup.

The London Gazette for 1697, refers to long or ‘strainer’ teaspoons, with narrow pointed handles. They were known as “long teaspoons” throughout Queen Anne's reign. The bowl had rat-tail strengthening and circular perforations. Saw pierced bowls, lacking the rat-tail, were of the Georgian era. Early examples were sold en suite with the teaspoons.

It has been suggested that the contemporary tea-pot spout was usually too boldly curved for the spear-topped stem to be thrust down it. This suggestion overlooks the fact that the juncture of spout and body was protected by a perforated tea leaf strainer.

At that period, according to John Worlidge and other contemporary writers, the tea leaves were dried whole. After two or three minutes infusion in the pot, “the leaves spread out to their former breadth and shape” and were liable to block up the perforations, obstructing the flow of the tea into the spout. The sphere knop of the mote-skimmer was used to remove these from inside the perforations.

Another widespread misapprehension concerns the perforations in the bowl of the mote skimmer. Some collectors consider these too large to collect tea dust. In this connection, it must be remembered that Georgian tea contained all the foreign matter now extracted by mechanical means. Such as floating on the cup of tea, (the motes) could be removed in the skimmer bowl.

The skimming was done by the “tea-blender,” usually the most presentable house-maid or parlor maid, who had charge of the tea-table equipment, preparing the tea and handing a cup of tea to each guest and member of the family. Unless on formal occasions, however, mote-skimming was each individual's own concern. 

Giant specimens (of mote spoons) usually bear George III hallmarks and were designed for use with contemporary tea urns. Some collectors of strainer spoons express their belief that they were used in France as snail spoons, shell-fish spoons and absinthe spoons. While somewhat resembling the mote-skimmer, such spoons show certain dissimilarities of design in keeping with their different purposes. - From “1500-1820: Three Centuries of English Domestic Silver,” by Bernard and Therle Hughs, 1952

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

17th C. Entertaining Equipage

Monteith's were made in considerable numbers for almost a century and a half. In most instances, the bowl is fitted with a loose rim, molded in the characteristic outlines.

Thought by many people to be punch bowls, these are in fact coolers for drinking glasses. The Oxford diarist, Anthony à Wood, noted them in 1683: “This year in the summer time came up a vessel or bason, notched at the brims, to let drinking vessels hang in there by the foot, so that the body or drinking place might hang in the water to cool them. Such a bason was called a Monteigh from a fantastical Scot called Monsieur Monteigh, who at that time, or a little before, wore the bottoms of his cloake or coate so notched.”

Anthony à Wood - photo Public Domain

In 1773, Doctor Johnson defined a Monteith as “a vessel in which the glasses are washed.” Monteith's were made in considerable numbers for almost a century and a half. In most instances, the bowl was fitted with a loose rim molded in the characteristic outlines. — From the book,  “1500-1820:  Three Centuries of English Domestic Silver”, by Bernard and Therle Hughes

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia