Early 20th C. Theatre Manners

“Very Inconsiderate To Giggle And Talk”

Nothing shows less consideration for others than to whisper and rattle programmes and giggle and even make audible remarks throughout a performance. Very young people love to go to the theater in droves called theater parties and absolutely ruin the evening for others who happen to sit in front of them. If Mary and Johnny and Susy and Tommy want to talk and giggle, why not arrange chairs in rows for them in a drawing-room, turn on a phonograph as an accompaniment and let them sit there and chatter!

If those behind you insist on talking it is never good policy to turn around and glare. If you are young they pay no attention, and if you are older—most young people think an angry older person the funniest sight on earth! The small boy throws a snowball at an elderly gentleman for no other reason! The only thing you can do is to say amiably: “I'm sorry, but I can't hear anything while you talk.” If they still persist, you can ask an usher to call the manager.

The sentimental may as well realize that every word said above a whisper is easily heard by those sitting directly in front, and those who tell family or other private affairs might do well to remember this also.

As a matter of fact, comparatively few people are ever anything but well behaved. Those who arrive late and stand long, leisurely removing their wraps, and who insist on laughing and talking are rarely encountered; most people take their seats as quietly and quickly as they possibly can, and are quite as much interested in the play and therefore as attentive and quiet as you are. A very annoying person at the “movies” is one who reads every “caption” out loud.— From Emily Post's 1922 book “Etiquette”

It ought to be superfluous to say that talking aloud, or continuous whispering during the progress of a play or opera or concert, usually on topics foreign to the occasion, is a rudeness to the performers and a bold impertinence to the rest of the audience. Some people are guilty of this insolence wittingly and unblushingly. For such we have no word of advice. Such instances should be met by something more effective than “gentle influence.” But many, especially young people, talk and laugh thoughtlessly, and from mere exuberance of animal spirits. It is to be hoped that on pausing to reflect they will carefully avoid forming a habit of public misbehavior that will ultimately rank them in the social scale as confirmed vulgarians. An intelligent listener never interrupts. 

Between the scenes of a play, or the successive numbers of a concert programme, there are pauses long enough for a brief exchange of comment between two friends who are sharing an entertainment, and they may enjoy the pleasure of thus comparing notes without once disturbing the order of the time and place. —From Agnes H. Morton's 1919 book “Etiquette”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Card Style Etiquette

An elegant use of the card distinguishes the well-informed in social usage. This distinction shows when the distribution of cards begins.

STYLE OF CARDS

The prevailing style of cards for women is nearly square (about 2 x 3 inches). A fine smooth-finished card-board of medium weight and stiffness is used. The color is pearl-white, not cream. The engraving is plain script of medium size. A man's card is smaller and narrower, proportionately (about 1 x 2 inches), and is of slightly heavier card-board. The engraving may be somewhat larger and heavier, but should not appear coarse.

The responsibility of furnishing the correct style of card rests with the engraver, whose business it is to know the ruling fashion of the day. Any one may have an elegant card by intrusting the choice to a first-class stationer. But it is not half the battle to secure an elegant card. An elegant use of the card distinguishes the well-informed in social usage. This distinction shows when the distribution of cards begins.— Agnes H. Morton, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Dining Requisites

The Gilded Age table often required numerous utensils for dining and serving. A souvenir spoon from Baltimore, featuring a turtle, or terrapin, is on the far left of this assortment – The fancy for collecting “souvenir”spoons, one at a time, suggests a way to secure a valuable lot of spoons with out feeling the burden of the expense. Yet, on the other hand, these spoons are much more expensive than equally good plain silver, the extra price being paid for the “idea;” but the expenditure is worth while to those who value historical associations.

China, Glassware, Cutlery, Silverware, etc... 

Chinaware for the dinner service should be of good quality. Fashions in china decoration are not fixed; the fancy of the hour is constantly changing, but a matched set is eminently proper for the dinner table, leaving the “harlequin” china for luncheons and teas. In the latter style, the aim is to have no two pieces alike in decoration, or at least, to permit an unlimited variety; a fashion that is very convenient when large quantities of dishes are liable to be needed. But for a dinner served in orderly sequence, the orderly correspondence of a handsome “set” seems more in keeping. But even with this, the harlequin idea may come in with the dessert; fruit plates, ice-cream sets, after-dinner coffees, etc., may display any number of fantasies in shape and coloring.

Artistic glassware is a very handsome feature of table furnishing. Carafes and goblets for water are always needed at dinner; wine glasses, possibly; and the serving of fruits and bon-bons gives opportunity to display the most brilliant cut-glass, or its comparatively inexpensive substitutes, which are scarcely less pretty in effect. Fine glass is infinitely more elegant than common plated-ware, and though more liable to breakage is less trouble to keep in order. The best dinner-knife is of steel, of good quality, with handle of ivory, ebony, or silver. Silver plated knives are much used; they do not discolor so readily as steel, and are easily kept polished. They answer the purpose for luncheon, but they rarely have edge enough to be really serviceable at dinner or breakfast.

Many people who own solid silverware store it away in bank vaults and use its facsimile in quadruple plate, and thus escape the constant dread of a possible burglar. For the sense of security that it gives, one may value the finest quality of plated ware, but it should be inconspicuous in style and not too profuse in quantity, since its utility, rather than its commercial value, should be suggested. Any ostentation in the use of plated ware is vulgar. But one may take a pride and satisfaction in the possession of solid silver. Every ambitious housekeeper will devise ways of securing, little by little, if not all at once, a neat collection of solid spoons and forks.

The simplest table takes on dignity when graced with these “sterling” accompaniments. The fancy for collecting “souvenir”spoons, one at a time, suggests a way to secure a valuable lot of spoons with out feeling the burden of the expense. Yet, on the other hand, these spoons are much more expensive than equally good plain silver, the extra price being paid other hand, these spoons are much more expensive than equally good plain silver, the extra price being paid for the “idea;” but the expenditure is worth while to those who value historical associations. One may find in the silver-basket salient reminders of all important epochs in our national life, a sort of primer of United States history, to say nothing of the innumerable “souvenirs” of Europe. Its subtle testimony to the intelligent taste of its owner gives the " souvenir collection its chief “touch of elegance.”

The towering “castor,” once the central glory of the dinner table, is out of style. The condiments are left on the sideboard, and handed from there in case any dish requires them, the supposition being that, as a rule, the several dishes are properly seasoned before they are served. Individual salt-cellars are placed on the table, and may be accompanied with salt spoons; if these are omitted, it is understood that the salt-cellar is emptied and refilled each time that it is used. On the family dinner-table the condiment line is not so severely drawn; vinegar in cut glass cruets, mustard in Satsuma pots, and individual “peppers”— in silver, china, or glass, and of quaint designs are convenient and allowable.

A table covered with white damask, overlaid with sparkling china and cut-glass, and reflecting the white light of polished silver, is a pretty but lifeless sight. Add one magic touch— the centre-piece of flowers and the crystallized beauty — wakes to organic life. In arranging the modern dinner-table, when the service is to be à la Russe, floral decorations are almost indispensable. Without something attractive for the eye to rest upon, the desert stretch of linen looks like the white ghost of famine mocking the feast.

The shape of the table, the available space, and the nature of the occasion decide the quantity and distribution of the flowers. It is a matter in which wide latitude is given to individual taste and ingenuity, original designs and odd conceits being always in order, subject only to the law of appropriateness.

For a square or extra wide table a large centre piece, either round or oblong, is usually chosen, with endless varieties in its component arrangement. It may be low and flat, like a floral mat, in the middle of the table, or it may be a lofty epergne, or an interlacing of delicate vine-wreathed arches, or a single basket of feathery maidenhair fern-—in fact, anything that is pretty and which the inspiration of the moment may suggest. —Agnes H. Morton, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Phone Etiquette

“Is this an instrument of communication or torture?” 

“The universal use of the telephone is another factor in the modification of social customs. Among familiar friends, the little chat over the ‘phone largely takes the place of the informal call. Also, invitations to any but strictly formal functions are now sent by telephone, if agreeable to both parties; though it is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part. 

While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range; possibly telepathy—who knows? Or, possibly tele-photography with it—why not? Then, the slow, laborious writing of messages will be as much out of date as the super-annuated stage-coach.

But—not yet; we are still in the process of evolution. It is still safe to heed Pope's famous advice: ‘Be not the first by whom the new is tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.’” –Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette” from 1900

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Food, Diplomacy and Good Breeding

Culinary diplomacy, also known as “gastro-diplomacy,” is a type of cultural diplomacy, which itself is a subset of public diplomacy. Its basic premise is that “the easiest way to win hearts and minds is through the stomach.” Being well-bred, aka “well-mannered,” also helps.

“The proverb, ‘The beginning is half the battle,’ applies in a multitude of ways. In the first instant of a greeting between two people, the ground upon which they meet should be indicated. Cordiality, reserve, distrust, confidence, caution, condescension, deference—whatever the real or the assumed attitude may be, should be shown unmistakably when eyes meet and heads bend in the ceremony of greeting. 

“To put into this initial manner the essence of the manner which one chooses to maintain throughout is one of the fine touches of diplomacy. People fail to do this when their effusively gracious condescension subsequently develops into snobbishness, or when an austere stiffness of demeanor belies the friendliness which they really intend to manifest. The latter fault is often due to diffidence or awkward self-consciousness; the former is usually traceable to the caprice of an undisciplined nature, and is a significant mark of ill-breeding.” — Agnes H. Morton's, “Etiquette."

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Fastidious Victorian Etiquette

“Never in any crisis of your life have I known you to have a handkerchief!”

“At a lecture, a special personal respect is due to the speaker. This is shown by a courteous attention and a general demeanor of interest and appreciation. If applause is merited, it should be given in a refined manner. The stamping of the feet is coarse, and the pounding of the floor with canes and umbrellas is as lazy as it is noisy. 

“The clapping of hands is a natural language of delight, and, when skillfully done, is an enthusiastic expression of approbation. Some effort is being made to substitute the waving of handkerchiefs as a symbol of approval or greeting to a favorite speaker, but it is quite probable that this silent signal will not take the place of the more active demonstration of clapping the hands, except on very quiet and intellectual occasions. 

“Scratching the head or ears, and picking the teeth, are operations that are properly attended to in one's own dressing-room. The conspicuous use of the handkerchief is in bad form. Blowing the nose is not a pleasant demonstration at any time, and at the table is simply unpardonable. A person of fastidious taste will take care of the nose in the quietest and most unobtrusive way, and refrain from disgusting other people of fastidious taste.”  —Agnes H. Morton 1892

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Ideal American Girls

Whether rich or poor, the one whose sterling good sense is equal to her emergencies; the one who is self-reliant without being bold, firm without being overbearing, brainy without being masculine, strong of nerve—"but yet a woman." 

“We are proud of the ideal American girl. I mean the one who is essentially a lady, whether rich or poor, the one whose sterling good sense is equal to her emergencies; the one who is self-reliant without being bold, firm without being overbearing, brainy without being masculine, strong of nerve—"but yet a woman." 

Let her be equipped for the battle of life, which in our state of society so many girls are fighting single-handed. Instruct her in business principles; teach her to use the discretion needed to move safely along the crowded thoroughfare and to follow the routine of the office or the studio, trusting that with busy head and busy hands she may be safe wherever duty leads her tireless feet. 

But in her hours of social recreation, when she will meet and solve the vital problems of her own personal life, she needs a subtle something more; the mother's wisdom to supply the deficiencies of her inexperience, the mother's love to enfold her in unspoken sympathy, the mother's approbation to rest upon her dutiful conduct like a benediction.” – From Agnes H. Morton's, 1893 book “Etiquette” 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette Refinements

A fetching, young Elizabeth Arden, understood more than most women, the importance of refined personal habits (photo circa 1895) Her fundamental belief was that beauty should not be a veneer of makeup, but an intelligent cooperation between science and nature in order to develop a woman's finest natural assets. 

Personal Habits

Neatness in personal habits is the first mark of good breeding that strikes the observer. Not that a dandy is always a gentleman; but an habitual sloven cannot be. The clothing worn at work may be unavoidably soiled; as also the hands, when occupations involve the handling of dirty substances. But "a little water clears us of this deed; how easy is't then!"

The neatly-dressed hair, the fresh clean skin, the well-kept teeth, the smooth polished nails, the spotless linen and the tasteful tie, the well-brushed clothing and the tidy boots, are all points of good form in personal appearance.

The toilet once made should be considered finished. The hands should not stray to the hair to re-adjust hair-pins—an absent-minded habit. The nervous toying with ear-rings or brooches, or dress buttons, is another mannerism to be guarded against. The hands should learn the grace of repose. It is a great triumph of nervous control for a woman to hold her hands still when they are not definitely employed.

If the attitudes of sitting and standing are practiced under the direction of the teacher of "physical culture," one will probably be innocent of such solecisms as thrusting the feet out to display the shoes; sitting sideways, or cross-legged; or slipping half-way down in the chair; or bending over a book in round-shouldered position; rocking violently; beating a noisy tattoo with impatient toes; or standing on one foot with the body thrown out of line, etc., etc.

Scratching the head or ears, and picking the teeth, are operations that are properly attended to in one's own dressing-room. The conspicuous use of the handkerchief is in bad form. Blowing the nose is not a pleasant demonstration at any time, and at the table is simply unpardonable. A person of fastidious taste will take care of the nose in the quietest and most unobtrusive way, and refrain from disgusting other people of fastidious taste.

"Familiarity breeds contempt." Laying the hand upon another's head or shoulder, clinging to the arms or about the waist, is a freedom that only near relationship or close friendship will excuse. Among slight acquaintances it is an unwarrantable liberty. Even at the impulsive "school-girl age" young ladies should be taught to repel such under-bred familiarities. —Agnes H. Morton's 1892, “Etiquette”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Evolving Social Customs

On Technology – "While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range..."  
On Invitations – "It is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part." 

“The universal use of the telephone is another factor in the modification of social customs. Among familiar friends, the little chat over the 'phone largely takes the place of the informal call. Also, invitations to any but strictly formal functions are now sent by telephone, if agreeable to both parties; though it is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part. 

While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range; possibly telepathy—who knows? Or, possibly tele-photography with it—why not? Then, the slow, laborious writing of messages will be as much out of date as the super-annuated stage-coach.

But—not yet; we are still in the process of evolution. It is still safe to heed Pope's famous advice:

"Be not the first by whom the new is tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.”

– From Agnes H. Morton's, 1919 book, “Etiquette.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Dining Conversation Etiquette

One tip – Make sure you take the cue at the serving of each course, to “turn” from the hostess; to either the guest sitting to your left or the guest sitting to your right. That way, everyone seated at the table can take equal part and enjoyment in conversing.

Gilded Age Advice for Dinner-Table Talk

The conversation at the dinner-table should be general, unless the company is large, and the table too long to admit of it. But in any case, each one is responsible first of all for keeping up a pleasant chat with his or her partner, and not allowing that one to be neglected while attention is riveted on some aggressively brilliant talker at the other end of the table. No matter how uninteresting one's partner may be, one must be thoughtful and entertaining; and such kind attention may win the life-long gratitude of a timid debutante, or the equally unsophisticated country cousin.

Dinner-table talk should be affable. The host and hostess must be alert to turn the conversation from channels that threaten to lead to antagonisms of opinion; and each guest should feel that it is more important just now to make other people happy than to gratify his impulse to “floor” them on the tariff question. In short, at dinner, as under most social conditions, the watchword ever in mind should be, “Not to myself alone.” – From “Etiquette: An Answer to the Riddle When? Where? How??” By Agnes H. Morton, 1899

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette of Informal Dinners

“No matter how uninteresting one's partner may be, one must be thoughtful and entertaining...”

The informal dinner, daily served in thousands of refined American homes, is a much less pretentious affair than the name “dinner” technically implies. In most cases the service is but partially à la Russe, most courses, and all the entires, being set on the table, the serving and “helping” being done by some member of the family; the presence of a waitress being sometimes dispensed with except at transition points; as, when the table is cleared before the dessert. This formality is the most decided dinner feature of the meal, which throughout its progress has been conducted more like a luncheon. Yet, in all essential points of mannerliness, the family dinner is governed by the same rules that control the formal banquet. 

It is perhaps needless to remark that the dinner à la Russe in its perfection cannot be carried out without a number of competent servants. These may be hired when some special occasion warrants extra preparations for due formality. But for customary '”entertaining,” those who “live quietly,” with possibly but one domestic to assist with the dinner, will show good sense in not attempting anything more imposing than they are able to compass successfully. The “family dinner” has a dignity of its own when in keeping with all the conditions; and though its menu may be simple, its service unpretentious, it may be the gracious exponent of a hospitality “fit for a king.”

At the informal dinner it is customary to seat the guests in the order in which they enter the dining-room, without assigning any place of distinction; all the places at table being held of equal honor —comfort and convenience being the things chiefly considered. –From “Etiquette: An Answer to the Riddle When? Where? How??” By Agnes H. Morton

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Early 20th C.Tea Rooms

Mrs. Mayme Lee Clinkscale, was the African-American proprietress of "The Ideal Tea Room," a beautifully appointed tea and dining establishment in Chicago. The advert above is from about 1925 ~  According to VintageTeaRooms.net, "Tea rooms were enormously popular in the first half of the 20th century. Their history is nearly forgotten, but is a fascinating aspect of women's history. Most were owned or managed by women. Almost everyone, from schoolteachers to recent college graduates to homemakers, wanted to run one. Most tea room patrons were also women. In the 1920s, especially, tea rooms became the fashionable places for women to meet friends in small towns, big cities, and suburbs alike."

Traditional Tea Table

"Necessity is the mother of invention." Someone, probably having reflected upon the easy social character of the English five o'clock tea, solved the problem for the American hostess by instituting the afternoon reception, which, somewhere between the hours of four and six, summons a host of friends to cross one's threshold and meet informally, chatting for a while over a sociable cup of tea, each group giving place to others, none crowding, all at ease, every one the recipient of a gracious welcome from the hostess, who by the hospitality thus offered has tacitly placed each guest on her visiting list for the season." Agnes H. Morton

"In the early 20th century almost all tea rooms used paper napkins, often dainty ones imported from Japan or China. They also did away with tablecloths, leaving tabletops bare or using doilies or placemats.

Tea room proprietors were motivated not only by a wish to cut laundry expense but also because they were of a time and social class that believed it was more sanitary to rid interiors of the excessive furbelows of the Victorian age.

Reflecting this mentality, Alice Foote MacDougall remarked in a 1928 article titled 'Eating Aesthetically,' 'There is nothing particularly alluring about long rows of tables, standing like shrouded sepulchers in winding sheets of more or less unsanitary tablecloths.'

As the 20th century wore on most restaurants got rid of tablecloths making them something of a rarity, resulting in the term 'white-tablecloth restaurant' for more luxurious establishments." - From Jan Whitaker's, "Restaurant-ing through history" blog

Jan Whitaker

We eat in restaurants several times a week and yet know very little about their history. I plan to dip into my archive of research and images every so often to present a little tidbit that highlights aspects of our American restaurant culture. Let me know your thoughts- Restaurant-ing through history.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bridal Shower Etiquette Advice, 20th C.

Suggested seating arrangement for an intimate shower of 8 people.

“Allied to the afternoon tea are various phases of informal daytime entertaining. For example, there is the "shower" for a bride-elect ("linen," "culinary," or what you will). A friend of the bride-to-be invites a coterie of girl friends to meet the guest of honor, giving each girl time to provide some beautiful or useful gift, the presentations to be made with amusing ceremonies.
The "thimble bee," a favorite diversion of the quiet matronly set, each one bringing her own bit of needlework to while away an hour or so in pleasant conversation. One of the number may read aloud, with pauses for comment at will. The thimble bee is a modern version of the good old-fashioned "spend the afternoon and take tea." Both the shower and the thimble bee may be given in the forenoon, if preferred." From 1919, Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette”                               

Varieties of stuffed tomatoes and macaroni salads were popular fare in the 1950's. Especially at showers.

"A good many years ago a friend of a young woman who was about to be married decided that the only gift she could afford was too slight an offering to express the love and good wishes that she felt. Knowing that there were other friends who felt the same way she called them together and suggested that they present their gifts at the same time. Then and there the idea of the 'shower' was born. 

The custom has prevailed and in most instances to-day the shower has a special purpose, such as the linen shower or the kitchen shower or the book shower. It is a very charming way of presenting gifts that would seem too trifling if they were presented alone. Intimate friends of the bride are the guests at a shower. It is usually a very informal affair and nearly always a surprise to the bride. The gifts may be hidden in a Jack Horner pie, they may be wrapped in all sorts of odd packages, or they may be presented in any of a hundred and one attractive ways. Originality in this, as in all entertainments, is greatly to be desired. 

The young lady who is honored with a shower thanks the guests verbally, and afterwards she may write each of them a little note expressing her gratitude. It is necessary to do so if the affair was an elaborate one and the gifts were expensive.” From 1924 Lillian Eichler's “Book of Etiquette / Volume I”                                 

Etiquette advice for setting a correct and helpful buffet table.

“It is not uncommon for a bride-elect to receive a few engagement presents. (These are entirely apart from wedding presents which come later.) A small afternoon teacup and saucer used to be the typical engagement gift, but it has gone rather out of vogue, along with harlequin china in general. Engagement presents are usually personal trifles sent either by her own very intimate friends or by members of her fiancé's family as especial messages of welcome to hers—and as such are very charming. But any general fashion that necessitates giving engagement as well as wedding presents may well be looked upon with alarm by those who have only moderately filled pocketbooks!” From Emily Post's 1922, “Etiquette”

                           

Buffet Setting and Seating Etiquette

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Theatre Talkers

A Letter To the “Dramatic Editor” of the New York Times, Regarding Talkers in the Theatre ...

Will she and the whispering playgoer please leave the room!

"Please take up the matter of ushers ~ generally girl ushers ~ and theater employees generally who hold pink teas at the rear of the orchestra rows during performances. I consider this a greater nuisance than talkers in the audience. The latter at least have paid to enjoy themselves, but the ushers are paid to serve the best interests of the theatre patrons and not to hold social reunions every performance.

This actually happened to me at Wallack's during the performance of "The Doctor's Dilemma." A girl usher entertained a young man "follower," chatting so loudly that it was impossible to concentrate on the play. I was seated on the right I'll and the conversation was going on in the rear of the left, so you can see how loud it was. I asked my usher to kindly request the two talkers to see us during the play. The message came back that they would talk all they pleased. "She won't stop." Said my usher; "It's the head usher's day off, and no one else can stop her. You can change your seat and take one near her if she disturbs you." "But" I said "surely an usher is not allowed to disturb an audience, especially in a play that is all dialogue, no action. I will report her at the box office if she does not cease. I shall not change my seat." This message in due time reached the usher, and this is one she sent back to me: "Go and report me at the box office all you please. It won't do you any good." 

Meanwhile, 'Arry and 'Arriet were looking daggers at me and openly showing their scorn. A manager came in, and then my usher went to him and explained the situation. Then she came to me "He has asked her to keep quiet." she said "and I guess she will for him; she likes him. Gee, it's fierce the way she and that fellow talk and laugh during the performance! But what can you do?"

Now, this is written just as it happened. I did not report it to Mr. Barker, who has spent so much time and thought on giving us ideal performances too much time to be at the mercy of chattering girls ushers ~ because I knew the season was almost over and the theater would be torn down over the chatterer's head. That is one way I thought to get rid of an annoying usher ~ tear down the theatre! At Forbes-Robertson's "Hamlet" I heard more about the latest styles in hats and the latest beaux from the ushers in back of me than I did the "melancholy Dane." The next time I attended a performance there I asked the man in the box office which was to have the right of way, "The Passing of the Third Floor Rack" or the girl ushers? Upon his assurance that Forbes-Robertson was what I was paying to hear, and that the ushers would perform another day at cheaper prices, I gave that theatre another trial.

The other night at the Standard there was a constant noise of loud voices in the foyer and much slamming of doors and arguments at the rear of the orchestra seats. In this instance the ushers were well-behaved. It was the men connected with the business end of the theatre who offended. Take almost any vaudeville house and you will see that there is a constant chattering between the ushers, the clean-up boys, the coat-room boys, the firemen and allcomers.

It has always been a mystery to me why even first-class New York theatres permit this display of disregard of their patrons and bad manners in their house employees. The rear seats in the orchestra cost just as much as the forward ones. I generally attend the Saturday matinee, paying $2.00 for a rear orchestra seat. If those who occupy the rear rows in the orchestra are encroaching upon the pink teas and kaffee klatches of the ushers and their admirers, why not give us a rebate? Give us noise checks.

It's really a shame, I think, for playwrights, managers, and players to spend so much time, thought, and money on the splendid productions of our New York theatres to have the whole effect spoiled by the untutored "enemies" of their own house staff. We have schools for sales persons, why not schools for ushers? The average usher from the movie house to the most exclusive temple of the drama seems to feel that the theatre is his private palace and we of the audience his ladies-in-waiting and his humble retainers and pensioners.

I haven't anything against the girl usher personally. I have the greatest sympathy and spirit of helpfulness toward any person working his or her way: but I do feel that here is something so unjust and so glaring in its offense against courtesy that it should be scored. And, since you have taken up the cudgels for those who suffer from talkers in the audience, won't you come to the rescue of those at the rear of the orchestra Who are forced to endure the things of which I complain?"

New York, April 7, 1916, Sincerely, L. A. S.

 Some Theatre Manners of the Day

“Very Inconsiderate To Giggle And Talk"

Nothing shows less consideration for others than to whisper and rattle programmes and giggle and even make audible remarks throughout a performance. Very young people love to go to the theater in droves called theater parties and absolutely ruin the evening for others who happen to sit in front of them. If Mary and Johnny and Susy and Tommy want to talk and giggle, why not arrange chairs in rows for them in a drawing-room, turn on a phonograph as an accompaniment and let them sit there and chatter!

If those behind you insist on talking it is never good policy to turn around and glare. If you are young they pay no attention, and if you are older—most young people think an angry older person the funniest sight on earth! The small boy throws a snowball at an elderly gentleman for no other reason! The only thing you can do is to say amiably: "I'm sorry, but I can't hear anything while you talk." If they still persist, you can ask an usher to call the manager.

The sentimental may as well realize that every word said above a whisper is easily heard by those sitting directly in front, and those who tell family or other private affairs might do well to remember this also.

As a matter of fact, comparatively few people are ever anything but well behaved. Those who arrive late and stand long, leisurely removing their wraps, and who insist on laughing and talking are rarely encountered; most people take their seats as quietly and quickly as they possibly can, and are quite as much interested in the play and therefore as attentive and quiet as you are. A very annoying person at the "movies" is one who reads every "caption" out loud.”

From Emily Post's 1922 book “Etiquette” 

“It ought to be superfluous to say that talking aloud, or continuous whispering during the progress of a play or opera or concert, usually on topics foreign to the occasion, is a rudeness to the performers and a bold impertinence to the rest of the audience. Some people are guilty of this insolence wittingly and unblushingly. For such we have no word of advice. Such instances should be met by something more effective than "gentle influence." But many, especially young people, talk and laugh thoughtlessly, and from mere exuberance of animal spirits. It is to be hoped that on pausing to reflect they will carefully avoid forming a habit of public misbehavior that will ultimately rank them in the social scale as confirmed vulgarians. An intelligent listener never interrupts. Between the scenes of a play, or the successive numbers of a concert program, there are pauses long enough for a brief exchange of comment between two friends who are sharing an entertainment, and they may enjoy the pleasure of thus comparing notes without once disturbing the order of the time and place.

— From Agnes H. Morton's 1919 book “Etiquette” 

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th C. Etiquette for Elevators or Lifts

Art deco design of the Empire State Building elevator door.

"When a man passes a lady on a staircase, in the corridor of a hotel, in the elevator of a private apartment house, or in the public rooms of a hotel, he lifts his hat although she may be a stranger. This rule does not prevail on the staircases and in the corridors of office buildings, with the exception, perhaps, of banks and such offices as people of wealth frequent; for a new fineness of courtesy has made men feel that, as women are winning an equality of position in the business field, a delicate way of recognizing that equality is by giving them a comradely deference rather than paying them the social attentions." From Edith Ordwy's "Etiquette of To-Day" 1918

"A new fineness of courtesy has made men feel that, as women are winning an equality of position in the business field, a delicate way of recognizing that equality is by giving them a comradely deference rather than paying them the social attentions." Dr. Meredith Grey is lost in the hospital.

"Authorities are divided on the subject of elevator etiquette, some denouncing in round terms the man who is so rude as to keep his hat on in an elevator where there are ladies; arguing that the elevator is a "little room," an "interior," not a thoroughfare. Others are equally emphatic in asserting that the elevator is a thoroughfare, merely; and that hats are not to be removed, except under the same conditions that would call for their removal in the street – as the greeting of acquaintances, or the exchange of civilities. 

The good sense of this view is apparent. A hat held in the hand in a crowded elevator is sure to be in the way, and liable to be crushed. A gentleman who wishes to compromise between stolid ignoring of the ladies who are strangers, and superfluous recognition of their presence, may lift his hat and replace it immediately, when a lady enters the elevator, or when he enters an elevator where ladies already are. Such a courtesy differs from a greeting in this: a stranger offering this elevator civility does not look at the lady, nor does he bend his head; and his lifted hat is an impersonal tribute to the sex. 

A lady makes no response to such a courtesy; yet there is in her general bearing a subtle something, hard to describe, but which every gentleman will readily recognize, that shows whether or not she observes and appreciates his little act of deference. The atmosphere of good manners may be as invisible as the air about us; but we know when we are breathing it." From "Etiquette" by Agnes H. Morton, 1919

"A gentleman takes off his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters the elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it on again in the corridor. A public corridor is like the street, but an elevator is suggestive of a room, and a gentleman does not keep his hat on in the presence of ladies in a house. This is the rule in elevators in hotels, clubs and apartments. In office buildings and stores the elevator is considered as public a place as the corridor. What is more, the elevators in such business structures are usually so crowded that the only room for a man's hat is on his head. But even under these conditions a gentleman can reveal his innate respect for women by not permitting himself to be crowded too near to them." From "Etiquette" Emily Post, 1922

Original lift door from Selfridge's in London.

"In one of the oldest banks in New York each boy who enters is given a few days' intensive training by a gentleman chosen for the purpose. The instructor stresses the fundamentals of character and, above all things, going in front of a person when there is room to go around him, not pushing into an elevator ahead of every common sense. Courtesy is rarely discussed as a separate quality but simple instructions are given about not one else, not speaking to a man at a desk until he has signified that he is ready, and about sustaining quiet and orderly behavior everywhere. The atmosphere in the bank is the kind that encourages gentlemanly conduct and the new boys either fall in with it or else get out and go somewhere else." From The Book of Business Etiquette 1922, Author Unknown

Is he expecting a dollar or a quarter?

On Tipping the "Elevator Starter"
"A long-time guest in a hotel usually tips the elevator starter fifty cents or more on leaving if he has been helpful and another quarter or more to elevator men who have served him. A resident in a hotel tips the elevator men regularly serving him a dollar a month approximately and remembers the starter, too, at regular intervals." From 1957's "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette"

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th Century Etiquette Advice for "Us Average Folks"

or, Good Manners for All People, Especially for Those "Who Dwell Within the Broad Zone of the Average"

The long lecture of instruction to the little Ruggles', preparatory to their visit to the Birds, is a comical—if burlesque—illustration of the emergency that sometimes faces some people, that of suddenly preparing to "behave themselves" on a great occasion. "A sprig of holly lay by each plate, and nothing would do but each little Ruggles must leave his seat and have it pinned on by Carol, and as each course was served, one of them pleaded to take something to her... " From Kate Douglas Wiggin's "The Birds' Christmas Carol", 1887

As a rule, books of etiquette are written from the standpoint of the ultra-fashionable circle. They give large space to the details of behavior on occasions of extreme conventionality, and describe minutely the conduct proper on state occasions. But the majority in every town and village are people of moderate means and quiet habits of living, to whom the extreme formalities of the world of fashion will always remain something of an abstraction, and the knowledge of them is not of much practical use except to the few who are reflective enough to infer their own particular rule from any illustration of the general code.

A simple family dinner compared to a State Dinner? "The degree of formality varies; the quality of courtesy is unchanging."

Though it is interesting as a matter of information to know how a state dinner is conducted, still, as a matter of fact, the dinners usually given within this broad zone of "the average" are served without the assistance of butler, footman, or florist; innocent of wines and minus the more elaborate and expensive courses; and though served à la Russe the service is under the watchful supervision of the hostess herself and executed by the more or less skillful hand of a demure maid-servant. Yet, in all essential points, the laws of etiquette controlling the conduct of this simple dinner of the American democrat are the same as those observed in the ceremonious banquet of the ambitious aristocrat. The degree of formality varies; the quality of courtesy is unchanging.

Well-mannered people are those who are at all times thoughtfully observant of little proprieties. Such people do not "forget their manners" when away from home. They eat at the hotel table as daintily and with as polite regard for the comfort of their nearest neighbor as though they were among critical acquaintances. They never elbow mercilessly through crowded theatre aisles, nor stand up in front of others to see the pictures of a panorama, nor allow their children to climb upon the car seats with muddy or rough-nailed shoes; nor do a score of other things that every day are to be observed in public places, the mortifying tell-tale marks of an habitual ill-manners.

No "phubbing," please! "Well-mannered people are those who are at all times thoughtfully observant of little proprieties. Such people do not 'forget their manners' when away from home."

The importance of constant attention to points of etiquette cannot be too earnestly emphasized. The long lecture of instruction to the little Ruggles', preparatory to their visit to the Birds, is a comical—if burlesque—illustration of the emergency that sometimes faces some people, that of suddenly preparing to "behave themselves" on a great occasion. Although the little Ruggles' were fired with ambition to do themselves credit, their crude preparation was not equal to the occasion. The best of intentions could not at once take the place of established custom. One might as well hastily wrap himself in a yard or two of uncut broadcloth expecting it to be transformed, by instant miracle, into a coat. The garment must be cut and fitted, and adjusted and worn for a space of time before it can become the well-fitting habit, worn with the easy grace of unconsciousness which marks the habitually well-mannered.

From "Etiquette," by Agnes H. Morton, 1919

Teaching Children Etiquette and Manners in the Early 20th C.

“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.”~ Fred Astaire

“As the Twig is Bent”

Every one theoretically admits the importance of early training. It is demonstrated in the animal and the vegetable kingdoms, wherever organic life unfolds and grows; and that the human child is no exception is promptly recognized in theory, however fatally practice ignores it.

Not that parents mean to ignore it; but there is a “happy-go-lucky” impression that somehow “he will come out all right;” that “as he gets older, his own good sense will assert itself,” and so on. Happily, this is partly true. A native good disposition and good sense saves many a child from the ruin which an unwise course of training has done its best to precipitate. The wonder is that they “turn out" as well as they do. Perhaps providence, in visiting its judgments, is lenient to the young and inexperienced parents, themselves undisciplined; to the helpless child, at the mercy of his blind guides.

There is too much negative, too little positive, in child-training; too much querulous reiteration of “don't,” too little intelligent teaching how to do. Little children like to be “shown how;” they are fascinated with the games and gifts of the kindergarten, which aims to teach something, not to repress everything. Children are delighted to learn little polite phrases; to make a bow; to hold a fork daintily; to offer little courtesies, and to receive a smiling approbation. They would rather do things prettily than not. They are not “contrary,” exceptional cases of hereditary ugliness aside. 

They are apt pupils, whether their tutor be a philosopher or a fool. And if a faulty example be a child's most constant and influential teacher, what wonder that the lessons, well-learned, are put in practice? And just then, if you listen, you will hear some one issue the emphatic but vacuous command, “Don't!” And the baby doesn't, for the space of a few seconds; after which, unable to get any new suggestions out of the idea-less instructions given him, he proceeds to do the same thing over, only to be again commanded to desist, a spanking for “disobedience” this time varying the monotony of the universal prohibition.

The profane poll-parrot is not a more startling witness to the character of its surroundings than the “terrible infant,” whose rude snatchings, pert contradictions, and glib slang phrases are sure to be most effectively “shown off” in the presence of visitors. It is of little use to affect grieved surprise, or stern reprobation, when one's children are merely exhibiting their daily discipline.

Most parents feel keenly the embarrassment of having the infant misbehave so inopportunely, and they are apt to offer a tacit apology and a vague self-defense by sharply reprimanding the child in words that are meant to give the visitor the idea that they–the parents–never heard or saw such conduct before, and are now frozen with amazement. The nonchalant or incredulous or impish way in which the children receive these reproofs only confirms the suspicion that such scenes have been frequent, and the discipline attending them has been inconsequent.

One parent I have heard acknowledge the truth of the matter. An elderly clergyman was his guest, and the four-year-old daughter of the house was entertaining the “grandpa” with a toy puzzle, which he fumbled with in vain, unable to put it together or to take it apart. Impatient at last, the little girl hastily snatched it from his hand with a childish growl of contempt, and proceeded to show him the trick, saying, with an airy mingling of criticism and condescension, "By Jove! your name is Dennis; you are not in it!” The old gentleman paused, instinctively prepared to hear the usual "Why, daughter! papa is astonished to hear his little girl," etc, etc., after the fashion of the parental hypocrite. But this candid young father met the dignified eyes squarely, and said promptly, "I'm sorry, Doctor, but there's no use denying it; she is just giving me away." He had the sense to recognize his own teaching, the honesty to admit it. Whether he has the discretion to reform his methods remains to be seen.

For right here is another point: that people think it is "cute” for a little child to say and do things that in a child a few years older would be most unattractively rude. But they must reflect that this same cute little child will soon be a few years older, and will carry into that riper age the fixed habits that are forming now; and it will not be so easy a task to transform the child's manners as it is to dress him in a larger suit of clothes.

A choice rose was grafted upon a wild,thorny stock, and planted beside a veranda trellis. The owner watched it carefully for a year or so, cutting down the rank shoots of the wild stock as they sprang aggressively from the root, allowing the grafted branch to grow in full luxuriance, bearing carmine clusters that filled the garden with spicy odor. The next spring an ignorant gardener pruned away the branches, cutting down the slenderest and leaving what to his unpracticed eye were the most desirable, because the thriftiest, shoots; and when the time of blossoms came, nothing appeared but the ragged petals of the wild thorn.

So, in "the rosebud garden of girls"--or boys. If the choice graft of cultured manners (for it is a graft on the sturdy but wayward stock of human nature) is left to be choked out by the rank, wild growth of impulse, or if by some flagrant error in example and discipline it is practically cut down at the main branch, what can the careless trainer expect? He may weep to find no velvet-petaled rose when he comes to look for it; but he has no right to blame the rose-bush, nor can he, at this late day, hide the tact of his blundering pruning by righteously affirming that he is "perfectly astonished." His neighbors, who have quietly noted the methods pursued in his kindergarten, are not in the least surprised.

Another resource for escaping blame is that of explaining that the children “learn these things at school.” Presumably they do not mean from the teachers. It is “from the other children,” who seem to be a most injurious class of society.

It is their influence which makes our children so rude and so ungrammatical; and, strangely enough, though these other children never dine with our children, so subtle and far-reaching is their baleful influence that our children's defective manners at the table are directly traceable to the same evil source.

Granted, a measure of truth in the charge; for large mirthfulness and large imitation lead children to do things “just for fun,” which all the time they know better than to persist in. But, as a fact, demonstrated by observation, a very small percentage of the children who are habituated to correct behavior at home are ever seriously affected by outside influences. A superficial effect may show in little things; but such lapses of speech or manner are transient, and in no degree control the development of the child when his home training is irreproachable. On the other hand, the efforts of an untiring teacher, laboring five hours a day to teach correct language and enunciation, may be of little permanent value, when the remaining hours of the day are spent in a home where the English grammar hourly meets a violent death. 

And what is true of grammar is equally true of morals and manners. The school and society may be measurably influential; but the home casts the deciding vote. And when people note the manners--good or bad--of your boys and girls, they do not ask, “What school do they attend?” “What children do they associate with?” but, “Whose children are they?”

Would you have them mannerly? Teach them; by precept, certainly; but above all things, by example. – From Agnes H. Morton's 1911 “Etiquette.”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia