“What Then?” Etiquette

Watching one’s host or hostess, especially when the meal is just beginning, is always helpful. But if they give no indication of which utensils to use first, yet encourage you to go ahead and start, just remember the number one dining rule: Work from the outside in. Always start with the utensil farthest away from the place setting and move in closer to the place setting with each consecutive course.

“A problem for the etiquette sharps: 

Suppose both the guest and the hostess are waiting to see which fork the other will use first? What then?”– San Francisco Chronicle, 1929

On Instagram, I’m sent questions from followers on a routine basis. This was not submitted to me. It’s from a San Francisco Call edition archive online. It was printed in 1929. The truth is, however, that it reads exactly like a question one of my young students would ask today. My youth etiquette class students get very creative with their questions. They want answers that make sense. –Site Editor, Maura J. Graber

Me: “So if you can’t remember what to do, watch to see what your host or hostess does …”

Typical 5th Grader: “But what if they’re watching me to see what I’m going to do? What if they’ve forgotten and know I took an etiquette class?!”

My response: “Fall back to the first rule in dining etiquette and choose the utensils farthest from the plate — to the right and the left — that utensil/s matches the size or shape of the food and dish, and do not use the utensils directly above the plate until you are served dessert.”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Early 20th C. Basic Table Manners

In little more than a century, basic table manners have changed somewhat. Though elbows on the tables and chewing with one’s mouth open are still frowned upon, cellphones (or mobile phones), have become ubiquitous at restaurant and dining tables around the world, much to the dismay of etiquette professionals.

Practice Basic Table Manners

• Never take your seat until the lady of the house is seated. 
• Never lounge on the table with your elbows, nor tip backward in your chair. 
• Never play with your knives, forks or glasses, but cultivate repose at the table. It is an aid to digestion. 
• Never tuck your napkin into your vest, yoke or collar. It is unfolded once and laid across the knees without a flourish. 
• After the meal, at a restaurant or formal dinner, lay your napkin unfolded at your place. 
• If you are a  guest for a time in the household and will remain for another meal, you may fold your napkin in its original creases. 
• Never put the end of a spoon into your mouth, sip everything from the side of the spoon and do this noiselessly. 
• Never put your knife in your mouth nor use a spoon when a fork will serve. 
• Forks are now used for eating ice cream, and salad is folded or cut with the side of a fork, never with the knife. 
• Even small vegetables like peas are eaten with a fork. 
• Never hold your knife and fork up in the air when your host is serving you afresh. Lay them on one side of the plate when you send it to the host by servant or your neighbor at table. 
• Never leave your spoon in coffee or tea cup. Lay it on the saucer. 
• Never cool food by blowing upon it. Wait until it becomes cool enough to eat. 
• Never take a second helping at a large and formal dinner. You will find yourself eating alone. 
• Never make yourself conspicuous in any way by aiding the host or hostess in serving, unless especially asked to do so, or in passing dishes when servants are provided for that purpose. 
• Never push back your plate and finger crumbs at the end of the meal. It indicates undue haste. 
• Remember that — Large pieces of bread or cracker are broken into smaller pieces before being buttered and carried to the mouth. 
• Cake may be broken and eaten like bread or crackers or it may be eaten with a fork. 
• Celery, olives, radishes, salted nuts, bonbons, preserved ginger and other trifles are eaten from the fingers, but berries, melons, oranges and grape fruit must be eaten with a spoon. 
• Bananas are generally eaten with a fork, peaches, apples and pears are peeled, quartered and cut into small pieces and then picked up with the fingers. 
• Grapes and small plums are eaten from the fingers and the stones or pips taken into the hand and carried to the plate, never dropped from the lips.
• Prune seeds are best pressed out with the spoon before the fruit is eaten and then laid to one side on the plate. — Los Angeles Herald, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia