Etiquette and Royal Notes of 1890

“Princess Elizabeth of Austria, the daughter of the late Crown Prince, can't take outings with her mother, Princess Stephani, because, by the will of her father, she must always remain in the immediate neighborhood and under the eye of her grandfather, the Emperor.” — After Prince Rudolf's death, in a murder-suicide, Franz Joseph took over guardianship of Erzsi; by his order, she was forbidden to leave, not only the neighborhood, but Austria, with her mother. At a young age she displayed a strong personality, as well as an opposition to the Viennese court. She eventually became known as “The Red Archduchess” for her Socialist beliefs.

Royal “Goings On”

• The Empress Frederick has collected $125,000 for the new Children's hospital at Berlin.
• It is now definitely settled that Prince George is to open the Jamaica exhibition about Christmas time. The Emperor of China has sent the German Emperor a large box of playthings — little dragons and things—for his five littie sons. 
• Princess Dolgorouki, the morganatic wife of the late Czar, has published her memoirs In Russia, and every available copy was seized immediately by the police. 
• The Princess Louise, who for the past ten years has presided over on art school In Sloane street, London, West, is the first English woman to employ Irish needlewomen. 
• Emperor William has contributed 10,000 marks toward the fund which is being collected for the purchase of the famous Sulkowski collection of bric-a-brac and curiosities. 
• Prince Bismarck, seen striding recently through the groves of Friedrichsruhe park, was manifestly as sound in wind and limb as the toughest of his foresters or the hardiest of his keepers. 
• The Prince of Wales is a great stickler for court etiquette. No one knows bettor the exact way in which every band and order and medal should be worn. He is very particular about good manners in Princes and Princesses. 
• Princess Wilhelmina Montleart of Saxony, who has a pretty Castle near Vienna, and is the last of her family, recently invited the mayor of an eastern suburb to dinner, and at dessert gave him 1,000 florins to build a hospital for Bernals, the suburb of which he is mayor. 
• The little Princess Elizabeth of Austria, the daughter of the late Crown Prince, can't take outings with her mother, Princess Stephani, because, by the will of her father, she must always remain in the immediate neighborhood and under the eye of her grandfather, the Emperor. 
• Prince Lobanoff, the Russian Ambassador at Vienna, is a man of rare intellectual endowments. The Prince is a perfect type of the grand seigneur. He is a wealthy bachelor and has only had one “grande passion” in his life, namely, that for Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots, of whose letters and relics he possesses a remarkable collection. 
• Princess Victoria, the Empress Frederick’s youngest and favorite daughter, is rather pretty, having a nice figure, blue eyes and fair hair. She has always been fond of an out-of-door life and enjoys exercise in any form. She is an indefatigable walker, an accomplished rider and lawn tennis player, and can drive four-in-hand in a masterly style. — Press Democrat, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Proposal Etiquette

“By the rules of etiquette, the proposal itself had to come from the young Queen, whose maidenly modesty was somewhat embarrassed at the prospect.” — An illustration from 1840 titled “Leap Year'” shows Queen Victoria proposing to Prince Albert at Windsor Castle in 1839. “Some say that this custom originated in fifth-century Ireland, where St. Patrick allowed women to take the initiative every four years after St. Brigid complained to him that they were having to wait too long for husbands. Others credit a Scottish law enacted in 1288 under the unmarried Queen Margaret, which allowed a maiden “liberty to bespeak ye man she likes” during leap year. The knave who refused to marry her and could not prove his engagement to another was assessed a fine.”
- From “Speak Up: It's Leap Year!”

The courtship of Queen Victoria brings us into a pleasant atmosphere. On Prince Albert's first visit to England, she liked and appreciated him at once, and his tastes agreed with hers. “Every grace had been showered by nature on this charming boy,” says Baron Stockman of him at this time. The Baron judged him critically, calmly and impartially until he finally became his most attached and devoted friend and adviser. Queen Victoria and her cousin, met at first unconscious of the object of their acquaintance, and when the desired impression had been produced, the young Prince, like a second Sir Galahad, was sent away to travel and fit himself by study and careful education for his great position. 

On his return to England the Queen writes: “Albert's beauty is most striking, and he is most amiable and unaffected — in short, fascinating.” The young couple were genuinely in love, and the Queen informed Lord Melbourne that the conquest of her heart was complete. So serious, so dignified, so studious and so excellent a young man would infuse an element of poetry and deep feeling into his love making; but by the rules of etiquette, the proposal itself had to come from the young Queen, whose maidenly modesty was somewhat embarrassed at the prospect. She summoned him to her boudoir, where he found her alone. After some desultory talk due to her shyness, she suddenly said: “Could you forsake your country for me?” The Prince answered by clasping her in his arms in such simple fashion did a young Sovereign, woo and win the husband of her choice. — Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Duke’s Rx for Etiquette Chafing

Karl Theodor, Duke of Bavaria and Doctor of Medicine — His father, Duke Maximilian, was a poet and writer, and brought his family up so simply that all chafed later at the Court etiquette that was forced upon them, and showed their independent spirit. 

An Oculist, In Spite of Royal Birth

A man who distinguished himself, in spite of Royal birth, Karl Theodor, Duke of Bavaria and doctor of medicine, died yesterday. Dissatisfied with the social duties and perfunctory military routine that pertain to his rank, he gave way to his natural bent, became one of the most skilled oculists in Europe, and for years worked hard in the charitable clinic and hospital he had established. The fatal results of close intermarriage among the Wittelsbachs that were manifested in King Ludwig and his lunatic brother seem to have passed over Duke Karl's branch, the former Sovereigns in the remnant of the Palatinate, unfortunate as it has been. 

His father, Duke Maximilian, was a poet and writer, and brought his family up so simply that all chafed later at the Court etiquette that was forced upon them, and showed their independent spirit. One sister was the Empress Elizabeth of Austria, who built the Achillelon; another, Queen Marie Sofia of the Two Sicilies, the Defender of Gaeta; a third the Duchess d'Alençon, who was burned at the Charity Bazaar fire in Paris. Their brother was permitted to turn his striving for freedom of action into a useful and honorable calling that endeared him to the people of Bavaria and of all Germany. — Los Angeles Herald, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1895 Etiquette and Men’s Fashion

“I shall always be an apostle of dress, and I believe firmly in its inexorable etiquette.” — Vogue, 1895

At the New York Horse Show, a few men showed a tendency to appear in very gay waistcoats. Tan and leather ones were popular. Ascot and Teck ties were universally seen and red prevailed, and real yellow gloves were seen in the morning, but of course the evening saw every one in evening dress. 

Vogue remarks: “The collars this year are straight and standing; the all-round turned-down collar is still very popular. Otherwise everywhere there is a disposition to dress less and to avoid conventionalities, and I regret to see it. I shall always be an apostle of dress, and I believe firmly in its inexorable etiquette. There can be no mixing of matters. We must either dress to suit the occasion or we must abandon all hope of being considered gentlemanly. The present revolution in dress is arrant socialism. I am not in favor of it, and I shall fight against it.” — San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette Sharps on Royal Titles

The question arose as to the etiquette of a U.S. President, and how he should address royalty.

Calls One King “Sir,” and Another, “Your Majesty”

Washington, Jan. 16 —Why did President Wilson, in replying to the speech of King George V of England, call his Royal host “Sir,” while in a similar position with King Victor of Italy he used the expression “Your Majesty.” The sharps on etiquette and Royal Court procedure noted the differences in form, and while granting either was correct from one ruler to another, were at a loss to account for the difference. What is, at least, the most probable explanation was furnished by an Italian attache, who said that what was probably in the President’s mind was that “Sir” rendered into Italian, might be retranslated as “Mister.” In using the “King's English” to an English King, there was not the same danger. – Los Angeles Herald, 1919

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and an Italian Queen

Though her father “was utterly lacking in royal etiquette” it did not preclude him from making advantageous and successful matrimonial matches for all of his Princess daughters. – Queen Elena of Italy was the daughter of King Nicholas I of Montenegro and his wife, Milena Vukotić. As wife of Victor Emmanuel III of Italy, she was Queen of Italy from 1900 until 1946 and Queen consort of the Albanians from 1939 until 1943.

We Celebrate – Italian King and Queen Seventeen Years Married 

Old King Nicholas of Montenegro is famed as a warrior, poet and playwright, and he is also entitled to rank as the world’s greatest matrimonial matchmaker. Once somebody remarked, in the presence of the Montenegrin Monarch, that the little Balkan state had no exports, “Sir," said the King, “you forget my daughters!” Through the marriages he arranged for his feminine offspring, Nicholas is related to most of the royal families of Europe. But his great coup, his matrimonial masterstroke, was when he married his daughter Elena to the King of Italy just 17 years ago today.

The alliance between Vittorio Emanuel III, ruler of a world-power, and the daughter of a petty Prince —for Nicholas has not yet proclaimed himself King —startled all the Courts of Europe. Not only was Montenegro small and unimportant, but it was hardly considered civilized. Nicholas, the Prince of “Gospodar” was utterly lacking in royal etiquette. He often held Court under a tree, acting as judge and rendering verdicts on petty quarrels of his people. He clung—and still clings—to the picturesque costume of his ancestors, consisting of gold-embroidered coat, baggy trousers, high boots and tambourine cap, with a pair of pear-handled pistols sticking from his belt. He wore such a costume to Rome when he arranged the details of the wedding. 

Europe stood aghast at the match, and yet there can found no happier wedded pair in Europe than little Victor Emmanuel and his stalwart Montenegrin wife. Like all her countrywomen, Queen Elena is “most divinely tall” and towers far above her husband. The Italian King will celebrate his seventeenth wedding anniversary today without a regret, and the Queen is the happiest of wives and most devoted of mothers. Yet, it may be stated as a fact that the King has utterly failed in living up to the three favorite Montenegrin proverbs for the government of wives. 

“He who doesn’t beat his wife is no man,” is a proverbial bit of wisdom that is still in full force in Montenegro. Another cynical saying of male Montenegrins is, “Twice in a lifetime is a man happy—once when he marries his wife, and again when he buries her.” Among Montenegrin women there is a proverb which runs, “Love me true, love me quick; pull my hair, and use the stick.” It is safe to say that Victor Emmanuel has never lived up to the latter part of this proverb. 

The youth of Queen Elena was spent in the ramshackle old Palace of her father in Cetinje, and in wandering, gun in hand, about the mountains of her native land. Like her sisters, who all married well, Elena had a French governess, and she was taught the French and Italian languages, as well as her native Serb tongue. She is a crack shot with the rifle, and if the Italian Royal family should be dismissed from the job of reigning, Elena could be depended upon to keep the larder supplied with game. King Victor and Queen Elena have had four children, one son and three daughters. The Crown Prince, now in his tenth year, has many of the physical characteristics of his mother, and promises to be a true Montenegrin in stature. – Sacramento Union, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Dinner Etiquette

An etiquette conundrum – Either this screen shot shows that the t.v. series “Victoria” is historically inaccurate, as she is not wearing her gloves (a breach of etiquette, but Queen Victoria’s poor etiquette was well known and expected for the television show) or this is a historically inaccurate portrayal of a Royal state banquet. And what on earth is that crumpled napkin doing on the table? – “The Queen never removes her gloves during dinner, except at state banquets. This is a singular piece of etiquette, and one would think that it would be exactly the reverse. Her gloves are new, of white kid, embroidered with black, never worn but once, and become, after using, the perquisites of the Ladies-in-Waiting.” 

Royal Dinners

Peeps at the Tables Where Things Are Served in State

 

The strict ceremonial of dinners of Queen Victoria has not changed since her assumption of the throne. A quarter of an hour before the time fixed for the repast —generally 8 o'clock—all the party invited to dine with the Queen meet in the Grand Salon and form themselves into a half circle about the door where she is expected to enter. The Queen, on entering, makes a beautiful courtesy (for which she is reknowned), then bows to the gentlemen, and gives her hand to the ladies, who courtesy deeply. She then goes in first to the table, accompanied generally by one of her sons. If any Imperial or Royal person is present, he sits at her right hand. But even in the case of General Grant she placed the Princess Beatrice between them. 

The Queen never removes her gloves during dinner, except at state banquets. This is a singular piece of etiquette, and one would think that it would be exactly the reverse. Her gloves are new, of white kid, embroidered with black, never worn but once, and become, after using, the perquisites of the Ladies-in-Waiting. The Queen has a small but beautiful hand. As soon as she has finished a certain “plat” everyone else stops eating of it, as when she finishes her fish everyone else stops eating fish, etc... After she has spoken to her guests on either side, conversation may become general, but in a subdued tone, always deferring to the sovereign. Sir Arthur Helps, who was her Private Secretary, used to tell an amusing anecdote of being snubbed by her for telling a rather funny story down the table, among the Ladies-in-Waiting, to relieve the monotony of a dreary dinner, when the Queen remarked: “What is it? We are not amused.” She has, however, a love for fun, and sometimes laughs heartily. 

The dinners at the Quirinal Palace in Italy are far more simple as to etiquette. The same formality is observed in the entrance of the King and Queen, but the conversation is more general and the Queen does not wear her gloves. She converses in English fluently. The King only speaks Italian and French, so the conversation is generally in those two languages. French, of course, is supposed to be a universal language. The dinners of Germany are not long, but they are formal and tedious, and the cooking does not commend itself to all tastes. The perfection of a dinner is found in London, generally at the house of Ambassadors, who combine the Excellencies of all nations with the follies of none. After asking the consent of the ladies present, the Italian and Turkish embassies allow the smoking of cigarettes between the salad and dessert. This fashion prevails in France and Russia, ladies smoking quite freely as men. 

The dinners of the Czar and the richer Russian Princes are models of their kind. It was the Russians who invented the idea of serving the dishes all from the outside; hence a service à la Russe, which prevents the tablecloth from being smeared with gravy and other greasy substances. The choice porcelain and glass, the gold and silver, beautiful ornaments— these are the wonder of all travelers who visit Russia. The old fashion has returned again of a sort of elevated tray, or little table in the middle of the table, on which are placed the choice silver jugs, ornamented pieces, and the flowers, fruits, candied fruits — indeed, the ornamental pieces of the dinner. This sort of tray, to be at its best, should be of inlaid wood, bound in silver, and of the time of Louis Quinze. A real antique of this kind is highly prized in France, England and Italy. For the breakfast-table a rotating round china standard, in two parts for the jam, honey, butter, powdered sugar, potted meats, etc., and other belongings of a breakfast, is almost universal in England.— Harpers Bazar, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Royal Danes Skip Etiquette

American explorer Frederick A. Cook claimed he reached the North Pole on April 21, 1908, a year before the American explorer Robert Peary reached the pole. – A mere 3 months later, by December of 1909, a commission of the University of Copenhagen, ruled that Cook had not proven that he reached the pole. In 1911 Cook published a memoir of his expedition, continuing to assert their success. His 1906 claim and accounts of having reached the summit of Denali has also since been discredited.

  Explorer Dined by King and Queen    
Pole Finder Gives Proof of Statement 

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Royal Family Shows Faith in Arctic Conqueror 

Discoverer Awarded Unusual Honors by Royals

(Associated Press) Copenhagen, Sept. 5.— Frederick A. Cook dined tonight with King Frederick at the summer palace, a few miles outside of Copenhagen. The King summoned Dr. Cook to an audience yesterday as a formal courtesy. They had an hour's talk, and, while these Royal audiences, according to etiquette, can be minutely described by members of Court. Dr. Cook made such an impression on the King that the latter immediately instructed the Court Chamberlain to summon the explorer to dine with him tonight. 

The King invited Dr. Cook to meet him yesterday only after, having the government make the closest possible investigation into the merits of his story. All Danish explorers were asked to give their opinions of Dr. Cook's claims, before the audience was granted, and their verdict was unanimously in his favor. The honor is unusual. The dinner was entirely the result of the King's personal opinion regarding the explorer, who had the seat on the King's right – an honor which Danes cannot remember having been accorded another private person. 

The dinner passed off quietly, as is customary on Sunday in the Royal household, but after dinner there was a regular rush around Dr. Cook, who started a succinct recital of his adventures. One after another of the Royal personages plied him with questions and marked their intelligent appreciation of conditions in arctic seas and then waited eagerly while the explorer answered, always without hesitation. 

Prince Waldemar, brother of the King, who is a scientific sailor, was extremely interested in the currents about the pole and the condition of the sea. Prince and Princess George of Greece also made pertinent inquiries. The King and Queen and everybody were so greatly interested in the story, that they remained in the drawing room much longer than is their custom. As Dr. Cook retired with Minister Egan, he was the center of a congratulatory group. It was easy to he seen that the Royal family had implicit faith in him.– Los Angeles Herald, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette and Suitable Royal Brides

Advocates of Anglo-American friendship are rooting for an American bride, and the Prince has doubtless seen plenty of suitable candidates over here, but the wish of the man-on-the-street undoubtedly is for “Our Young Man” to make an English marriage. There are no very rigid Court rules on the subject in England, the consent of the King being sufficient to satisfy etiquette, and the consent of Parliament, which has to be obtained by the heir to the throne... No one counted on him abdicating and marrying Wallis Simpson, a 2-time American divorcee, who was found to be both politically and socially unacceptable as his bride. –  Portrait by Reginald Grenville Eves, c. 1920

High Birth for Prince of Wales’ Bride?

Who is going to be the next Queen of England? This is the puzzle that certainly every woman, and most of the newspapers and male folk in England are trying to solve. For the first time since the matrimonial experiments of bluff King Henry VIII, there is an excellent chance of a “Commoner” mounting the throne of England, and hordes of matchmaking mammas, to say nothing of hundreds of blushing debutantes, who six years ago would have admitted themselves ruled out of the contest, realize that the Imperial Crown is well within their grasp, plus a very presentable Prince Charming. If they can manage to rope in the Prince of Wales. 

Among the many social upheavals caused by the war was not the least striking is the difference it has made to the Prince of Wales. Without a world war, he would certainly have been married —according to plan, and probably before now—to some German, Russian or other Princess. He might have been given a choice of two or three, but his list for selection would have been strictly limited. But with the wiping out of the Russian royal family, and the total eclipse of the German and Austrian dynasties, he has been able to call for a pack of cards for himself and claim a fresh deal. In fact, there are only four Princesses of suitable age left in Europe. They are the Italian Princesses Yolanda and Mafalda, Maire of Rumania and Margaret of Denmark. The Italian candidates are Catholics; perhaps not an insuperable obstacle, but anyway the Italian throne is not regarded as too stable just now, a consideration which will weigh very heavily when the final decision is taken by the powers that arrange royal marriages. 

The Danish Princess Margaret is a prime favorite of Queen-Mother Alexandra’s but there is no indication that the Prince has any views in that direction, while the exponents of High Policy can not see any advantage to Britain in an alliance with poor little bankrupt Rumania. Were King Albert’s daughter five or six years older, High Policy would doubtless win and an Anglo-Belgian alliance consummated, but little Princess Marie is only fourteen, and a Prince of Wales can not wait for her to grow up. Three English Princesses are available, two Teck Princesses and Maud, younger daughter of the late Duke of Fife, but the Tecks have little wealth or prestige, while the greater part of the Fife fortune went with the title to the elder daughter, Princess Alexandra, who married Prince Arthur of Connaught. Hence the matchmakers have turned to the “Old Nobility” of England and right here, the said “Old Nobility” must be kicking itself badly over the fact that it hasn’t more marriageable daughters to offer. 

Taking the three highest ranks, 28 Dukes can only provide fourteen daughters of suitable age, 42 Marquises but fifteen, and 225 Earls a paltry 37 eligible candidates. Three-quarters of these would be automatically ruled out through lack of fortune, personal looks or on account of “entanglements,” divorces, etc., of their parents or near relations, for no scandal must be raked up against the future Queen of England, nor can “dubious” relatives be tolerated. 

Advocates of Anglo-American friendship are rooting for an American bride, and the Prince has doubtless seen plenty of suitable candidates over here, but the wish of the man-on-the-street undoubtedly is for “Our Young Man" to make an English marriage. So far, however, no indication of his choice has been given by the Prince himself, not even the most confirmed matchmaker having detected him showing undue partiality for any particular person. There are no very rigid Court rules on the subject in England, the consent of the King being sufficient to satisfy etiquette, and the consent of Parliament, which has to be obtained by the heir to the throne.

In any event, royal or other wise, Parliament would readily consent to a non-royal bride, and it is generally believed that King George and Queen Mary are desirous of allowing the young Prince to choose for himself. Equally with the Prince of Wales, Princess Mary stands a fine chance of being permitted to take a non-royal husband, for there are no eligible Princes of her own age. One of the main qualifications for a non-royal Princess of Wales, or non-royal husband for Princess Mary, will be a substantial bankroll, for the British royal house is not wealthy. – By P. M. Sarl, United Press Staff Correspondent, LONDON. Nov. 7, 1920

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette According to One Queen

Louise of Hesse-Kassel was Queen of Denmark. She died in 1898 – At the royal table, to which her children were not admitted before their tenth year, they were not allowed to ask for anything, but had to wait until they were served, according to age, by the steward. If something was served which they did not like, they were forbidden to open their mouths about it, and had to eat a little of it for “politeness' sake,” and out of regard for table manners. “Those who are to rule in the world, must first taste rule themselves, and find out what it means to obey without murmur,” said the Queen.

Denmark’s Late-Queen and Mother... One of the Oldest and Best-Liked Royalties of the Old World 

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Strict Discipline Under Which Her Children Were Brought Up 

It was said of the late Queen Louise of Denmark, that next to Queen Victoria, she of all women in Europe exerted the strongest influence in the politics of the continent. “She is the female Bismarck of Europe!” exclaimed Bismarck himself once, in admiration of her diplomacy and political foresight. Her daughters became Princess of Wales, Empress of Russia and Duchess of Cumberland. One of her sons is the King of Greece; another, the Crown Prince, married the daughter of the rich Carl XV, King of Sweden, and the third is the husband of the Princess of Orleans, the daughter of the Duke of Chartres. These alliances put into the hands of Queen Louise many wires, whereby she kept in touch with Russia, England and France.

King Christian, being too easy-going, the Queen took upon herself the task of educating and disciplining her children. She was both their mother and their Queen. She taught her daughters housekeeping, dressmaking and the art of spending money. The sons were trained to keep an account of every penny they spent out of their weekly allowance, to dress plainly, and to be courteous to inferiors. 

A writer, a Danish Baron, thus describes the Queen's family discipline: While a mere boy, her eldest son, the Crown Prince, was caught trying to get the better of one of the sentries of the Royal Guard, of whom the little Prince demanded that he should present arms to him. According to Court etiquette, a royal child is entitled to a “shoulder arms” salute until its confirmation, when “present arms” is the salute given. The boy Prince demanded the latter salute, but the sentry stuck to his orders. The Queen obliged the Prince to go down and ask the soldier's pardon “for unbefitting attitude and rudeness,” and having done this properly, he was locked into his room for two days. 

At the royal table, to which her children were not admitted before their tenth year, they were not allowed to ask for anything, but had to wait until they were served, according to age, by the steward. If something was served which they did not like, they were forbidden to open their mouths about it, and had to eat a little of it for “politeness' sake,” and out of regard for table manners. “Those who are to rule in the world, must first taste rule themselves, and find out what it means to obey without murmur,” said the Queen.

When her youngest son, Prince Waldemar, married the Princess of Orleans, the young lady at once moved about in the castle as though she did not know that there was a Queen above her. During a hunt, the Princess’s horse fell, and gathering her skirts “rather high,” the intrepid girl jumped the ditch herself and took another horse. The Queen found it out. The following morning, the Princess woke to find herself a prisoner in her own bedroom. A message from the Queen was handed her by a sentry, informing her that by jumping the ditch in such fashion, she had been guilty of breach of Court etiquette, and must consider herself a prisoner for seven days.

Another time, the saucy Princess drove out with the royal children, and dismissed her driver and footman at the first Inn outside the city. Somehow the horses got frightened, overturned the carriage and “spilled” the Princess and the children on the highway. They were picked up by a peasant, who brought them to the city. The Princess laughed, the children cried, and the Queen ordered the arrest of the Princess at once, and detained her in her bedroom for fourteen days. I may add that by this time Princess Marie is fully cured, and is doubtless now mourning the loss of Grandma Louise, who was, after all, a splendid teacher. – Sausalito News, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Spanish Brides

Traditional Spanish brides wear black dresses and lace mantillas.  Originally, worn for Catholic church services, mantillas are ornate veils worn for wedding ceremonies. Many times, these are passed down from one generation to the next.

There are no bridesmaids at a Spanish wedding, but instead a “madrina” (literally “godmother”) is present with the witnesses. There is no bride cake, but there is a reception and very often a feast after the ceremony. Before the wedding takes place, the bride’s new home is made ready for her reception, for the honeymooners do not start on their travels until the day after their marriage.

Before their departure they pay a polite visit to their respective parents. On their return, dainty sweetmeats in pretty boxes are sent round to their friends. No visits are paid until little cards have been sent, “offering their house.” – Amador Ledger, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More Hat Etiquette

Like her predecessors before her, Melania Trump wore a black veil to meet Pope Francis. “Per Vatican protocol, women who have an audience with the Pope are required to wear long sleeves, formal black clothing and a veil to cover the head.” –Spokeswoman for the First Lady, Stephanie Grisham

Hats are removed for the National Anthem, passing of the flag of the United States, for funeral processions, outdoor weddings and at dedications. Removed hats are held in the hand/s in such a way, that only the outside of the hat and never the lining, is visible.

In many places of worship, head coverings are required. Hats or head scarves are required for both men and women in Muslim mosques. Wearing a Sikh dastaar, or turban, is mandatory for all Amritdhari (initiated) Sikh men and women in Sikh temples.

Men are required to cover their heads in Jewish synagogues, but only married women wear hats or scarves representing a display of her increased modesty towards those other than the woman’s husband.

The small, round head covering or skullcap worn by men is called a “kippah” which means, “dome” or “cupola.” The Yiddish word for the cap is “yarmulke.” The wearing of the yarmulke is a reminder of humility before God, a mark of respect in a Jewish congregation, and a sign of recognition of something greater above oneself, which is why many male Jews wear a head covering whenever they are awake, with the exceptions of bathing and swimming.

It is acceptable for women to wear hats in Christian churches, (it was once required, but the custom has all but disappeared in many parts of the US) but is considered disrespectful for men to wear them.

A woman may leave her hat on indoors or during the playing of  the National Anthem, unless it is considered unisex like a baseball cap. If wearing such a unisex cap, a woman should follow the same guidelines as for men.

        

 From “Ask Andy About Clothes” and other online sites

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Men’s Hat Etiquette

For the lazy gent who cannot be bothered to tip his hat with his hand... Unbelievably, one 19th century gentleman felt the drudgery of hat tipping so taxing, he came up with a truly lazy gentleman's "saluting device" in 1895. It was patented in 1896. “This invention relates to a novel device for automatically effecting polite salutations by the elevation and rotation of the hat on the head of the saluting party when said person bows to the person or persons saluted, the actuation of the hat being produced by mechanism therein and without the use of the hands in any manner.”

Tipping the hat is a rare thing among men when there are no women around. A few fine old fellows cherish the habit of tipping to each other and to strangers when introduced, but ordinarily the hand never touches the brim. In business offices there is no sort of etiquette. Men in the sweep and rush of business have no time to give thought to hats. But certain decencies should prevail. On entering a private office look at the head of the occupant. If he has his hat on, keep yours on; If his hat is off, remove yours. The removal of your hat is a compliment and a courtesy and does not indicate that you are inferior or subservient.— New York Press, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1960’s Christmas Card Etiquette

Do you have “understanding-type” friends? Go ahead and add Fido’s name to your Christmas card’s signatures!

Long before emailed Christmas cards, there was detailed Christmas card etiquette. Here are  1964’s etiquette tips for Christmas cards. 

Tom, Dick, Mary . . . And Fido? 

It's OK to Put Dog's Name on Yule Card If You Have Understanding-Type Friends

NEW YORK (UPI)—Problem: Your dog’s practically a member of the family. All your friends know that. Is it okay to include his name when you sign the Christmas cards? Solution; If you’re the informal type, why not? But only to close friends who understand the place your furry friend has in the family’s hearts. Not all problems concerning Christmas card etiquette are solved so easily.

Consider married couples’ signatures. Etiquette says either name first is proper. If he’s the boss, sign cards Fred and Nancy Smith. If you rule, make it Nancy and Fred. How about individual last names? The American Greeting Card Association source for these card-signer’s tips, suggests you use the last name, unless you have distinct first names—say Archie and Mehitabel. If it’s just Joe and Jane, include the last name to keep friends from wondering which Joe and which Jane. 

Include Children’s Names 

Should you include the children’s names on cards? Yes. Usually, the father’s name comes first, the mother's second and the only child’s last. Sample: John and Mary and Tommy Merry. If there are several children, however, follow this form: John and Mary Merry, Tom, Polly and Joan. 

Other card tips to guide you as you prepare the holiday greetings: 

—Personal messages. The inked-in personal note adds warmth. If you address your Christmas cards early, you'll have the time to add the thoughtful messages that mean so much. 

—More than one card to a family? Addressing a Christmas card to Mr. and Mrs. Tom Smith and Family is okay. But if you’ve a warm spot for the small fry, a personal card for each will up your rating. Older members of the family, like a mother-in-law, also appreciate a solo card. 

—What about postage? First class friends deserve first class mail. First class postage also insures forwarding and return service by the post office. Technically, you can include a written message only with Christmas cards sent first class. If you like, use one of the 1964 five cent Christmas stamps. There are four designs featuring mistletoe, holly, poinsettia and pine cone.

—Should the envelope carry a return address? Yes. Add it to the envelope as a help to a friend who wants to return your greetings. Who knows what may have happened to the friend’s address book. 

Personal Touch 

—Is it necessary to exchange Christmas cards? The greetings go to people with whom you want to keep in touch, but there may be exceptions. If, at long last, you’ve lopped Cynthia Figtree off your list, what will you do when her card arrives? No, you haven’t seen her since the third grade, but if she sends you a card, you rush out and send her one post haste. 

Card makers, by the way, are encouraging the personal messages on Christmas cards. Joyce C. Hall, founder and president of Hallmark Cards, says the warmth of the personal note is akin to a handshake and Yuletide greetings exchanged among friends on Christmas morning. When the company's cards for 1964 were being designed. Hall ordered all printed sentiments moved high enough inside the cards to permit both the imprinting of the sender's name and adequate space for a personally written note. – Desert Sun, 1964

Wishing our readers a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Prosperous 2018 

– Maura J. Graber, the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia!

Mashers and Poor Manners

“Even now, it is not uncommon for a native rough-neck to stop in front of a man who is walking with his wife and speak to the wife, sometimes quite as impartial as if he were viewing a beautiful statue, and often, with about as much courtesy as an East Side gunman is wont to employ.”– A young man and woman, dancing the tango in 1920’s Argentina... A couple’s dance, the tango originated in the 1880s along the River Plate, the natural border between Argentina and Uruguay. It soon spread to the rest of the world.

 In 1920s Argentina 

BUENOS AIRES. (By Mail to United Press)—A girl who can walk a city square alone in Buenos Aires without being spoken to by from one to a dozen men, either is so hopelessly ugly that she offers no attraction whatsoever to the opposite sex, or else is able to inspire by a belligerent attitude the belief that she is a veteran prize-fighter. Even then, she is likely to be addressed from a safe distance by a languorous Romeo with soft dark eyes, and the price of two cups of tea in his jeans, who assures her that she is the loveliest creature that ever hit the pike, that he would gladly let her adopt him, walk over him, or deprive him of his last 30 centavos to appease her angelic thirst.

 An American or an English girl usually will blush and hurry on under such circumstances, or else halt and prepare for a fair fight, according to her conception of what the situation demands, but an Argentine girl will proceed undisturbed, unless accompanied by her mother, in which case the mother will turn about and gravely thank the observant gentleman. Two girls, one blonde and English, the other brunette and an Argentine, were walking together on the Florida – which in Buenos Aires is the next-best thing to Fifth Avenue —when the blond girl literally “blew up” in indignation: “Dang these mashers,” she said, loud enough for the policemen on the two opposite corners of the block to hear. The Argentine girl chided her: “But why are you angry? Is it not a compliment for the men to observe and praise you?” “It is not!” 

However, even the Argentines are beginning to recognize the difference between impersonal praise and appreciation of beauty and common ordinary “mashing.” The recognition was hastened by the increased annoyance caused by the number and insistence of the “mashers.” Even now, it is not uncommon for a native rough-neck to stop in front of a man who is walking with his wife and speak to the wife, sometimes quite as impartial as if he were viewing a beautiful statue, and often, with about as much courtesy as an East Side gunman is wont to employ. Not infrequently one of these men walks right up to a good looking woman and takes her by the arm. It is a serious offense — a penitentiary offense —to strike an Argentinian in the face and disfigure him, but there are few women visitors who know the law, and the police are a liberal lot. They usually side with offended beauty. – By Morgan Easterling, United Press Staff Correspondent , 1923

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Ferry Police Patrolled Manners

The Palace Hotel in San Francisco, 1880 – “The hotel runners solicited passengers with a Beau Brummel politeness, and passengers were much impressed with their first experience with San Francisco manners.” 

Ferry Boat Police Keeping Manners in Check

So great has been the rivalry between the different hotels of this city during, and since the rush, caused by low rates, that several quarrels have taken place on the ferry boats over passengers. This became such a nuisance that the passengers protested. Yesterday everything was quiet. The hotel runners solicited passengers with a Beau Brummel politeness, and passengers were much impressed with their first experience with San Francisco manners. The cause was apparent, as a big policeman was seen patroling the decks. He had been placed there at the request of the railway company to preserve order. It is a point well taken; as he will be eminently useful in suppressing mashers, as well as quarrelsome hotel runners. – The Daily Alta, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, the Stage and Fashion

Sorry, but this look is just way too retro. – “Men look to the stage for pointers on etiquette and manners, they have no use for stage fashions in dress. I have never known a style that first appeared on the stage, which was copied by any fashionable tailor or men's outfitter.”

The Stage, Men’s Manners and Men’s Fashions

“It’s queer,” said a Fifth Avenue tailor to a New York Sun man the other day, “that while men look to the stage for pointers on etiquette and manners, they have no use for stage fashions in dress. I have never known a style that first appeared on the stage, which was copied by any fashionable tailor or men's outfitter. 

“In the plays now running at several of the theaters are some very distinct innovations in masculine dress, but none of these novel ideas will ever be adopted by New Yorkers. The stage is a mirror of fashion for women only. Why this is so is more than I can explain. 

“Even in London, where men's fashions originate, stage clothes, no matter how faultless from an artistic point of view, are never copied by the tailors. “The fact is that the tailors have precious little discretion in the matter. Men would resent sartorial ideas that had been borrowed from the stage.” – San Francisco Call, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Colonized Indian Etiquette History

A salaam is a gesture of greeting or respect. It can be done with, or without, a spoken salutation, typically consisting of a low bow of the head and body, with the hand or fingers touching the forehead. – “We mostly copy European etiquette while with Europeans. Even a Bengali shakes hands with a Bengali, speaks in English for a few minutes, and then breaks forth into the vernacular. We shake hands with a European on parting, but by mistake again touch the hand to the brow in a salaam; so we both shake hands, salaam and do the like; and no sober-minded European ever cared for the anomaly.”

Of Honors, Umbrellas and Shoes...

Their Importance In the Eyes of the Indian Native

India is so vast that different etiquettes prevail in different districts. We have no standard etiquette, no standard dress. We mostly copy European etiquette while with Europeans. Even a Bengali shakes hands with a Bengali, speaks in English for a few minutes, and then breaks forth into the vernacular. We shake hands with a European on parting, but by mistake again touch the hand to the brow in a salaam; so we both shake hands, salaam and do the like; and no sober-minded European ever cared for the anomaly.

The umbrella is the emblem of royalty, the sign of a Rajah. So natives generally fold their umbrellas before a Rajah, and not before anybody else, however great, it is not a part of the dress, but a protection from the rain or sun, a necessary appendage, just like the watch and chain. You might as well ask a European to take off his water-proof coat. A coolie is not bound to fold his umbrella when a brigadier general rides past. But a menial generally closes down the umbrella on seeing his master, whom he considers his "King." But no Indian, however humble, ought to fold up the umbrella, even before a magistrate, because he is neither the master of the humble passer-by, nor his superior officer, nor is he bound to salaam him. But if he does, no harm. In a word, natives generally fold the umbrella before a master or a superior officer, and not any other citizen, however great and this is no insult.

While going to see a native chief in his palace, the native visitor or official takes off his shoes, if the reception room has a farash and the Rajah is sitting on his musnud. But if he is received in the drawing-room, furnished after the European style, the shoes are allowed. In some states, no natives can go to a Rajah without a pugree. In others, the pugree is taken off and tossed at the feet of a Rajah.—Civil and Military Gazette, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

U.S. Army Etiquette

Colonel Sanders was not really a colonel? –  Not officers of the U.S. military, some “colonels” are, in reality, recipients of “honorary colonel ranks” from a state governor. In the 1800s, these honorary colonels were military appointments and they still are nominally appointed to a governor's staff. They have no military rights or duties. Two such honorary colonels were  Colonel Tom Parker, Elvis Presley's manager, who received the honor from a Louisiana governor and Colonel Harland Sanders of KFC fame, a Kentucky colonel.

If there is any place where etiquette is observed, it is in the United States army. It runs from the highest to the lowest. 

When Colonel Graham was in charge of the Presidio post some years ago, he was seated in his office reading official documents when a rather young man who held the rank of major entered the room. He was attired in a civilian suit and was well known to the colonel, but conditions changed personal relations for the time being. After saluting the major smilingly asked: “Colonel, will you kindly give an order to permit me to go to the city for three hours?” The colonel looked up from his papers and with that firm courtesy which characterized him when on official duty, eyed the speaker for a moment, and quietly said, “My dear sir. I do not know why you call on me to ask permission to go to the city, or anywhere else,” and then turned to his papers. 

The major, who did not require that a brick house should fall upon him in order to take a hint, retired and in a short time returned, attired in the fatigue uniform of his station and wearing on his shoulder the gold oak leaf of his rank. In the most precise military manner he repeated his request for permission to go to the city. The colonel, this time in the most pleasant manner said, “Why, certainly, major, you have my permission to absent yourself from the post for tke time you desire.” In civilian dress, the major was not recognized; in the uniform of his rank, he was. It was a lesson in military etiquette which he, no doubt, would never forgot. – San Francisco Call, 1904

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette on British Warships

The Commander does not sit at the head of the table. That place is reserved for the President of the Mess. The Commander invariably sits at his right hand, while the former changes every month.

Etiquette plays an important part on the modern battleship, and the British Navy enforces many little forms and customs. In the wardroom, where the officers and midshipmen dine, the Commander does not sit at the head of the table. That place is reserved for the President of the Mess. The Commander invariably sits at his right hand, while the former changes every month.

Evening dress is a steadfast rule, so much so that the man who has to take a watch after dinner, and who has no time to change, sits at a table by himself. 

The toast of “The King” in the Navy is drunk sitting. Tradition has it that a certain King once proposed a toast and jumping up, hit his head against a beam above. Orders were given, the story goes, that all toasts were in future to be drunk sitting. The “middy” on a warship is just like a fag at a public school, with the officers as his prefects or monitors. Midshipmen have to make themselves generally useful to the latter.—London Answers, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Absurd Napkin Etiquette

A 1902 cookbook, extending its branches of information in many directions, was responsible for the following ridiculous etiquette advice; “Always pin your napkin to your dress when at dinner, that it may not fall under the table. It may be pinned so that the pin cannot be seen.” Even this young girl knew better. 

Nothing is so humorous as the writings upon etiquette, by people to whom such knowledge is a “sealed book.” A cookbook, which extends its branches of information in many directions, is responsible for the following etiquette advice; “Always pin your napkin to your dress when at dinner, that it may not fall under the table. It may be pinned so that the pin cannot be seen.” Imagine a dinner table full of men and women returning to the drawing room, each wearing a serviette apron which he or she has forgotten to unpin! —New York Times, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Naval Dance Etiquette

Dancing Etiquette Ordained for Gobs

Newport, Rhode Island, March 18 – Dancing etiquette must be maintained at the Saturday afternoon dances at the Naval Training station for the enlisted men. An official bulletin just issued reads: "It has been noticed that a number attending these dances do not ‘request’ the young women, their guests, to dance. The men must realize that these young ladies are pleased to dance with them and, therefore, they should do their part, If they desire to meet any of the ladies, they should ask the chaperon for an introduction. The uniform of the enlisted men of this section for these dances will be dress blue, shoes neatly shined, neat haircut, clean shave and clean white undershirt.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1919

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Victorian Note Paper Etiquette

The height of bad form is in the use of anything startling or pronounced. Paper that rivals the sunset in gorgeousness of hue, odd shaped sheets and envelopes or gilt edged paper stamp the user at once as one who is not familiar with the precepts of fashion. 

Etiquette in Note Paper...

Cautions That the Delicate and Refined Woman Should Remember

If there is any one thing in the world that may be said to denote the breeding of a person it is in the taste displayed in the use of note paper. Fashions change but slightly in that line, and artistic simplicity is the form to be sought after. There is nothing so offensive as eccentricity in styles of paper, for it is one of the little things that seem so trivial and count for so much in the eyes of the world. 

The height of bad form is in the use of anything startling or pronounced. Paper that rivals the sunset in gorgeousness of hue, odd shaped sheets and envelopes or gilt edged paper stamp the user at once as one who is not familiar with the precepts of fashion. And not fashion alone, by any means; it is refinement that is shown in the use of proper stationery, and refinement and fashion may not always mean the same. 

Never use a paper that is decorated with flowers in one corner, the leaves of which wander all over the sheet. Avoid anything in that way. A landscape resembling a Christmas card or fancy figures for headings are not in their proper places on note paper. There is nothing artistic in such forms, nothing refined, simply a display of bad taste and ill breeding that is shocking to the person well informed on such matters. The etiquette of note paper is dictated by taste. 

Ladies should use only the smaller size of paper, requiring but one fold, and the envelope should be square. The single correspondence cards have gone out of style and are seldom seen nowadays. The paper is generally linen or cream laid, as best suits individual taste and should be unruled. White or cream paper is the best, although a gentle shade of blue is permitted. Other tints are not desirable, neither are they proper. Do not use paper that is ragged at the edges nor envelopes with curious flaps. 

The best linen paper may be purchased at the same price as is paid for the fancy varieties, and the best is the cheapest: it is a guarantee of refinement. If a monogram is desired, have it engraved—never printed. In this country coats of arms and crests are out of place, but you may have a neat monogram or your initials for a heading with perfect propriety, only be sure that the work is in keeping with taste and not too prominent or glaring. 

The name of your country place is very good, the name of the village in which you live, or the street number, if you chance to reside in a city. In the latter case, however, omit the name of the town, and in either case the state should not be given. This is but a glance at the etiquette of note paper; it is very simple when you think of it, but so many people seem to be ignorant of the rules. The one great thing in note paper is to avoid vulgarity or show in any way, and then you know that you cannot be wrong. The simplest is the best. Oddities of tint or ornament which are the caprice of a day should be used with caution.—Harpers Bazar, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia