Bridge Playing Etiquette

Should she be looking over one’s shoulder at their cards???–When there is but one table of bridge, the hostess almost always plays, but when there are two or more tables, she generally does not include herself in making up her list. Thus she leaves herself free to attend to last-minute details of preparing and serving refreshments and seeing to it that her guests are supplied with cigarettes, ash trays and that the changing of partners goes off without a hitch. 

Etiquette And Courtesy Are Bridge Necessities

THE outstanding social game of the hour seems to be bridge. No matter whether some of us loathe it or not—we all should be able to play it—that is, if we want to be popular. That is why it is important that the up-to-date hostess know how to conduct a bridge party, to be prepared at any and all times with the knowledge and equipment necessary to entertain her friends successfully at bridge. 

No one should venture to entertain at bridge, nor accept a bridge invitation, who cannot play the game more than passably well. Don’t go out into public until you can do more than “play at the game”! It is not enough that the hostess provide only four well-matched players, cards and a score pad and pencil. Before the evening or afternoon game starts, there are several things that the thoughtful hostess must attend to before she can be assured of a perfect party. 

Unless she has a great deal of room at her disposal, it is far better to have a comfortable group of only four players than several crowded, noisy and unhappy tables. When there is but one table of bridge, the hostess almost always plays, but when there are two or more tables, she generally does not include herself in making up her list. Thus she leaves herself free to attend to last-minute details of preparing and serving refreshments and seeing to it that her guests are supplied with cigarettes, ash trays and that the changing of partners goes off without a hitch. 

The hostess also establishes the kind of bridge to be played, the system of changing partners and the method of scoring. The hostess’ first duty toward her guests is to provide proper equipment. This, as everyone knows, consists of a sturdy table of the correct height, four comfortable chairs, two decks of new cards, ash trays, a score pad and sharp pencil. Do be careful, too, that the lighting is good. There is nothing more disturbing than having a room too dim, or to have a light shining directly in some player’s face. 

Much can be said about the etiquette of the bridge player. Most of it can be written in one word ‘CONSIDERATION.’ There is nothing more maddening than the very slow player—or the one who explains all his plays. One should be prompt, pleasant and noiseless —but most of all, courteous. A very famous bridge authority once said, “Not everyone can play a faultless game; but everyone is certainly capable of the highest degree of etiquette and courtesy —and these two things go far toward making up for any lack of skill.”— By Deborah Ames, 1937

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Eating Shish Kebab

No... not like this! —Attempting to slide pieces off of the skewer towards oneself can be tricky. It’s best to slide the pieces of meat, chicken or vegetables off the skewer one at a time and away from oneself. Be careful that the pieces do not slide off onto the table or into another’s lap.

Though there is evidence that the Greeks of the Byzantine era enjoyed shish kebab (they are mentioned in Homer’s Odyssey), shish kebab is considered a signature Turkish dish. The name “shish kebab” comes from the Turkish words şiş kebap that mean “skewer” and “roast meat.” Unusual meats were marinated to tenderize and remove any meat’s gamey flavor. It is said that Turkish soldiers used their swords to grill their meats in open field fires during the Turkish invasion of Anatolia.

 

Shish kebab proved a natural dietary solution for nomadic tribes in what is now modern-day Turkey.

Over time and around the world, the popularity of shish kebabs has expanded into many cultures.

Around the Globe

Portuguese espetadas are beef shish kebabs marinated in wine and roasted on an open fire. 

Lahm mishwy is the equivalent of shish kebab in Arabic. The meat of choice is usually lamb, and it is cooked over a fire on a skewer holder, so the meat never touches the grill itself.

In many Asian countries, one can find which is roasted, skewered meat called satay or sate. It’s usually made with chicken, served with a peanut dipping sauce.

Japan has yakitori which is grilled, skewered fowl.

In France, shish kebabs are called brochettes, meaning “skewers.”

In Turkey, the vegetables are not on the skewers, but are grilled separately from meat.

Shish Kebab Etiquette 

Only when they’re small and served prior to a meal, as hors d’oeuvres or appetizers at a standing reception or buffet, are shish kebab eaten directly from the skewer itself. When served as appetizers, the skewers are often holding small chunks of colorful fruits instead of meats or fowl.

When served as a main course, the shish kebab meats and/or vegetables are removed from the skewer and eaten from the plate. 

One can either lift the skewer and use the fork to gently push and slide meats or vegetables from the skewer and onto your plate, or use the knife to slide the pieces of food off, while holding the skewer firmly in between two tines of your fork. 

It’s best to slide the pieces of meat, chicken or vegetables off the skewer away from oneself, but be careful pieces do not slide off onto the table or into another’s lap.

Never cut the meat from the skewer to eat. After removing each piece from the skewer, use your knife and fork to cut the meat and/or vegetables into manageably eaten pieces. Eat the meat or vegetables as you would any others, one bite at a time.

When finished, place the skewers toward the right edge of your plate, along with your utensils.

Sources- The Spruce Eats.com, African Bites.com and various etiquette authorities

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Wartime Rationing

It was suggested that future dinner invitations could be marked “B.Y.O.V.” or “Bring Your Own Vegetables” to help with the problems associated with wartime food rationing.

From World War II Era Food Rationing Came 

a New Possible Victory Canner “B.Y.O.V.” Etiquette for Dinner Hosts and Guests

WASHINGTON. UPI —Changes in eating habits, more home gardening and home canning are in the cards. The severity of canned goods rationing coming at this time of year, seems likely to spurt the “Victory Garden” program and plans for home canning of fruits and vegetables. Changes in diet will be more pronounced, perhaps, when meat rationing starts, but some differences in eating habits are indicated immediately. 

No more punching open a can of tomato or grapefruit juice for breakfast every day. . . . Less rushing home from a bridge game, ladies, to ready a meal by can-opener in the few minutes before the husband comes home from work. Too, the familiar phrase, “Junior, eat your spinach,” may give way to “Junior, eat your sauerkraut,” for canned kraut is the cheapest thing (in points) on the ration list—if you can find any. 

CAFÉS’ LOAD TO RISE 

It's taken for granted that food rationing will mean an increase in eating out. However, restaurants will be rationed, too, although the Office of Price Administration is leaving it up to them to figure out how to use the food supplies they get. Some Washington sources are wondering whether the number of restaurant meals will increase to the point where further official control may be instituted. 

In England, restaurant meals are controlled through a ceiling on prices, and restrictions on the number of dishes which may be served in a meal. When meat rationing comes along, the shift to such unrationed foods as spaghetti (with a little meat going a long way), potatoes, bread and cereals may cause the feminine contingent a few worries on the weight score. 

NEW ETIQUETTE

Then there’s the question of developing a new etiquette for dinner guests. Dinner invitations in the future might be marked “B.Y.O.V.” (Bring your own vegetables.) Offhand, it seems as though—unless there’s trading among neighbors — small families will get less variety of rationed goods than families which can consume a whole can at one sitting. For housewives say, there's apt to be less waste of such foods—no throwing away of leftovers. — by James Marlow and George Zielke, 1943

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Behavioral Trends

“A man should remove his hat in a parlor car but not in a day coach,” says an etiquette book of the early Pullman era.” — From this current era, we say a woman should remove her elbow from the dining car table!

“A man should remove his hat in a parlor car but not in a day coach,” says an etiquette book of the early Pullman era. A ridiculous distinction, which Americans have had the good sense to overcome, for nowadays we keep our hats on in the parlor cars, too. Indeed, examination of the etiquette books of the past suggests that there must always have been a certain lunatic trend in human behavior. We don't want to go quaint on you, but bear with us a moment while we quote from "Etiquette for Ladies," published in 1838: “When alone with him, a lady may address her husband by his Christian name.”

We don't for a moment suppose that the lady of 1838 was always able to stick to this rule. But if she did slip: if she did thoughtlessly, in public, address her husband as “Joe” assuming that that was his name, she knew that she had been inexcusably vulgar. Of course, if his name wasn't Joe, it was probably even worse. It is hard to exaggerate the supreme niceness of the ladies of that day. We knew an old lady who, when her husband sprained his ankle, refused to remove his sock in order to bind it up. “I have never seen your grandfather's bare feet,” she told her grandchildren. And shuddered as she said it. —Santa Cruz Sentinel, 1942

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Black Tie Etiquette

Long dresses tend to be a more elevated choice, therefore I always recommend full length gowns, especially if one is attending a high level event.

My past week was quite busy, exhausting, but also very successful. The picture above was taken at Saturday's gala dinner, which reminded me that ball season has just started, so it is the perfect time to share a few lines about “Black Tie Attire.” 

Apart from “White Tie Attire,” “Black Tie” is the most formal of all dress codes. It requires a sophisticated level of dressing. For women, the code typically calls for a floor-length dress or gown. While cocktail dresses can be an appropriate option for Black Tie (when the dress is stipulated as “Black Tie optional”), long dresses tend to be a more elevated choice, therefore I always recommend full length gowns, especially if one is attending a high level event. 

Cary Grant was the epitome of elegance in traditional “black tie” — “No matter what extremes Hollywood people go to in making black tie garish and tieless, the real thing retains its unassailable verve, élan and sheer swankiness.” —
Glenn O’Brien, GQ’s Original ‘Style Guy’ - Photo source, Pinterest 

For men, a traditional tuxedo and accompaniments is called for when the dress code is “Black Tie.” A traditional tuxedo consists of a black dinner jacket and matching trousers, a white formal shirt, a black bowtie, an optional black formal waistcoat, black socks and black formal shoes. It is so easy for men, right?

Contributor, Gabriella Kanyok, is a diplomatic protocol, etiquette and communication expert with more than 10 years' experience in working with EU institutes, NGOs, international organisations, and supporting professionals. She not only advises and trains government and EU officials, and businessmen in the field of diplomatic protocol and business etiquette, but she leads the communication department of an international organisation. Gabriella holds a Master’s degree in International Studies, and a Master’s in Protocol, Diplomacy and Cross Cultural Relations. She speaks Hungarian, English and French, and is currently learning Mandarin Chinese

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Expected Edwardian Etiquette

You didn’t know? To make yourself the hero of your own story, or to speak much of your own performances, denotes deep-seated self-conceit, and may be very distasteful to others, who also have achieved!

1. In a company of people, it is the height of rudeness to call attention to the form or features or dress of any one present.
2. In using a handkerchief, always do so unobtrusively. At the dining table it should be used very sparingly.
3. Better retire than be obnoxious to even the most fastidious.
4. Never look over the shoulder of any one who is reading or writing, whether in the home, or in a car, or at a concert, or anywhere else.
5. Do not touch anyone in order to arrest his attention, but address him.
6. To lend a borrowed article is an appropriation of it which is next to stealing, unless one has permission of the owner to do so.
7. Self-control in excitement of any sort is a most valuable trait. It always makes for comfort of one's self and of others, and often for safety.
8. Do not pass between two persons who are talking together, if avoidable. If it is not, then apologize.
9. Never refuse to receive an apology. Courtesy requires, no matter how unforgivable the offense, that an apology should be accepted. Friendship may not be restored, but friendly courtesy should always thereafter be maintained.
10. Never neglect to perform a commission which a friend intrusted to you. Forgetfulness denotes lack of regard for the friend.
11. Never fail to be punctual at the time appointed, in keeping every engagement.
12. To make yourself the hero of your own story, or to speak much of your own performances, denotes deep-seated self-conceit, and may be very distasteful to others, who also have achieved. – Edith Ordway 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Mote Spoon Use

Shown above, 3 Victorian era, hand painted, china tea strainers next to an Edwardian era, treen tea caddy, holding a sterling tea caddy spoon. Also shown are Regency era sugar tongs and a Georgian era mote spoon. Tea caddies are special containers used to store tea. When tea was first introduced to European market, tea was extremely expensive, and often kept under lock and key, under the watchful eyes of the mistress or master of the house.

Seventeenth century and 18th century “mote spoons” were originally known as “tea strainer spoons.” In that time period, a speck or tiny piece of something was called a “mote” – in this case, it would refer to a bit of tea leaf. back in the Georgian era, the loose tea leaves were added directly into the teapot and then the tea was poured into waiting cups. It was difficult to keep errant leaves from escaping into the tea cups, which would cause the tea to continue steeping, resulting in bitterness. By using the sharp, pointed end of the mote spoon, one could remove blockages from the inside of the spout of the tea pot, thus saving the intended flavor of the tea. This was one easy way to ‘de-mote’ one’s teapot. But what about one’s cup of tea?

According to ACSilver.co.uk.com, “The mote spoon’s short life began in the late 17th century, with the London Gazette describing these elegant and charming spoons as: ‘long or strainer spoons with narrow pointy ends’. Intended to be used to strain tea, the general public did not take especially well to the mote spoon, and they only remained as part of a tea-ware service until the end of the 18th century due to the arrival of the tea strainer.”

As with many other tea accoutrements, there is a debate in the overall tea community as to how the mote spoons’ pierced bowls were originally used. While the pierced bowl was perfect for skimming the tea poured into a cup, to remove any stray motes or bits of tea leaves, it also, as others believe, was correctly used for removing tea leaves from the tea caddy, allowing the dust or mote to drop through its pierced holes prior to use. This was presumably done by gently tapping the side of the spoon. Until more information is uncovered though, the debate will remain unresolved. – Information from a variety of sources, including TeaHappiness.com and MortonsAntiques.com

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Oranges and Winter Holidays

“The stocking in which the Christmas treasures of our small boys and little girls are placed is capacious enough to satisfy any reasonable child, while it is not so large as to overtax the pockets or energies of parents. Could the same sort of stocking be imported and acclimated in New England and the West, Christmas trees would no longer have any excuse for being, and the stocking would be universally accepted as precisely the thing needed to fill every household with juvenile happiness on Christmas morning.” Life Magaxine, 1883

“In the nineteenth century, poor children dreamed all the year round of getting the precious, scented present of an orange for Christmas. Most of them did not know what an orange tasted like, or even if they would dare eat that golden, almost magical fruit.” - www.foodtimeline.org 

Why give oranges at Christmas?

Food historians trace the practice of proferring fresh fruit gifts for major celebrations to ancient times. These exquisite, perishable objects were expensive and reflected the giver's wealth and status. Indeed, before the age of speedy transportation and reliable refrigeration, fresh citrus fruit was out of reach of the average person. As time progressed, fresh fruit out of season (including oranges in Northern Europe and/or North America) was possible, but still rare. This made these items perfect Christmas gifts. Today, when oranges are inexpensive and readily available throughout the year, this little history tidbit is overlooked. A child today who encounters an orange at the toe of his Christmas stocking is unlikely to appreciate the message unless someone takes the time to share the history.

Special utensils and holders for eating and serving oranges were a sign of wealth in the Victorian era... “In these days of modern refrigeration and air-shipped produce, we tend to take perishable items for granted. But oranges and other citrus fruits were once a precious luxury in Europe and North America, enjoyed for only a brief period each year. Bright, sunny, and bursting with fragrant juice, oranges, clementines, mandarins, and other citrus made welcome Christmas gifts, especially in the midst of cold winter.” – www.spruceeats.com

"Strange and exotic fruits had begun to reach Britain...through trade with southern Europe where oranges, lemons and pomegranates were cultivated. The original home of the citrus fruits lay in northern India. They had been known to the Romans under the name of "Median apples', having apparently arrived from Persia; and their juice had been used as a medicine, and occasionally also to sharpen the tang of vinegar...The first Englishmen to enjoy oranges, lemons and 'Adams apples'... were probably crusaders who wintered with Richard Coure-de-Lion in the fruit groves around Jaffa in 1191-2. About a hundred years later citrus fruits had begun to arrive in England itself...

Also on the spice ships from southern Europe came great raisins, 'raisins of Corinth' or currants...prunes, figs and dates. All were consumed in vast quantities by the well-to-do, for the sweetness of dried fruits was greately appreciated while sugar was still rare and expensive. Poorer people ate them principally in festive pottages and pies during the twelve days of Christmas, but the rich enjoyed them at other times , too." — From “Food and Drink in Britain: From the Stone Age to the 19th Century,“ C. Anne Wilson [Academy Chicago:Chicago IL] 1991 (p. 332-4)

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia