Hospitality First in Saudi Arabia

The main room in every Arabian house is the coffee room. Here is where the men meet at all hours and talk and drink the Arabian coffee, which is so strong that it is apt to keep the guest awake all night. There is no furnishing in the room, save rugs. On these beautiful rugs, one sits, and is very careful not to let his foot stick out in front of him. For in an Arabian house, feet are to he used, but never seen.— photo source, Pinterest 

Arabs Will Quarrel Over the Privilege of Entertaining a Visitor—Strict Rule of Etiquette

Although most Arabs are Bedouins or nomads, many of this ancient place live in towns. To the traveler unused to the swaying and almost “mal de mer” inducing motion of the camel for this is the mode of locomotion in Arabia — it is a great relief to come to one of these dingy, yet picturesque towns. With a sigh of relief the careworn and dust-covered voyager crosses the dry moat and passes through the city walls. All Arabian towns have walls and turrets. The traveler wonders what the great standpipe is, rising up above the houses, and if, by chance, there might he some industry connected with it. But on inquiring he finds that it is the watch tower — a remnant of the Middle Ages when only spears and lances were used in warfare. Today the tower would fall quickly if it were hit by the shell from a five pound gun. 

To visit in one of the Arabian houses is indeed a great pleasure, for the Arabs are most hospitable, and treat their guests royally, asserts Temple Manning in the Cleveland Plain Dealer. In fact, the whole town will squabble over the privilege of entertaining a visitor. No mention of the length of a visitor’s stay or where he is going is alluded to —this would be the height of ill manners. For this handsome and bold race are gallant and courteous to the last degree, and some of their forms of conduct are difficult for the Westerner to adopt. 

Although it is fascinating to live us a guest of an Arabian family, it is really difficult, and one must be on his guard if he cares to be invited again. The main room in every Arabian house is the coffee room. Here is where the men meet at all hours and talk and drink the Arabian coffee, which is so strong that it is apt to keep the guest awake all night. There is no furnishing in the room, save rugs. On these beautiful rugs, one sits, and is very careful not to let his foot stick out in front of him. For in an Arabian house, feet are to he used, but never seen. If you should visit in the land of  “A Thousand and One Nights,” be sure to tuck your feet under you, no matter how uncomfortable, because if you don’t, you will be considered bad-mannered and will not be asked to call again! — Hanford Journal, 1922

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Dining Etiquette in Legal Decision

His claim was defeated on the ground that it was a breach of etiquette for him to eat with a knife. 

Taught Him a Lesson

 

Etiquette is responsible for a queer legal decision. A traveler on a German railway train attempted to eat a lunch, and while in the act of conveying food to his mouth, the train stopped suddenly and his cheek was badly cut on the edge of the knife he was using. The man sued the company for damages, but his claim was defeated on the ground that it was a breach of etiquette for him to eat with a knife. The court recited unto him the chestnut that, “A man cannot take advantage of his own wrong.” —Chicago Times, 1892

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After Dinner Coffee Etiquette

 “When the ladies leave the dining-room they go direct to the drawing-room, where coffee is at once brought to them.  The usual way is for the footman to carry a silver tray or salver, on which are placed small china coffee cups, those of the shape called ‘Trembleuse’ are very much the best, as the saucer is so deep in the centre that the cup fits so far into the socket that no shaking is possible.” — Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, 1885

At a well-chosen dinner party, harmony of tastes and mutual liking among your guests should reign supreme, and where this is the case, all the guests would adjourn at the same moment, the host following last.

The host should not propose adjourning to the drawing-room before, say twenty minutes, unless his guests seemed bored, consulted their watches, yawned, or allowed the conversation to flag, in which case, he should leave the room at once.

The host should ring the bell on leaving the dining-room, which would signify that tea should be brought into the drawing-room, which is not done until the gentlemen leave the dining-room. When the ladies leave the dining-room they go direct to the drawing-room, where coffee is at once brought to them.
             

This type of trembleuse cup’s saucer has what is known as a ‘cage.’

The usual way is for the footman to carry a silver tray or salver, on which are placed small china coffee cups, those of the shape called “Trembleuse” are very much the best, as the saucer is so deep in the centre that the cup fits so far into the socket that no shaking is possible. A small silver, china, or silver gilt spoon is placed on each saucer. On the tray or salver are placed a silver or china jug of cream, the same of hot milk, and a silver or china basin of candied sugar.

Coffee may be poured into the cups before the tray is brought in, which the footman hands to each guest, and they will add sugar and cream according to their tastes; sometimes the butler carries on a salver a silver coffee-pot, and pours out the coffee as each guest takes it; sometimes, particularly in large country houses, each guest pours out their own coffee, the servant holding the tray for them with the cups.

The guests after dinner disperse themselves into groups or ‘tete-a-tete’ couples, and so commune pleasantly. — From “Etiquette: What to Do, and How to Do It,” by Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, 1885

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Q and A of Expected 1930’s Etiquette

Q. Should the hostess or her daughter pour at a formal tea?  — A. Neither. If the tea is formal, it is customary to have waiters perform this task. 

• Q. How should a large number of formal invitations be recalled, due to sudden illness?   
• A. Have cards printed, as engraving would delay matters: “Owing to sudden illness Mr. and Mrs. Robert Marshall are obliged to recall their invitations for Wednesday, the tenth of November” 

• Q. Should the hostess or her daughter pour at a formal tea?  
• A. Neither. If the tea is formal, it is customary to have waiters perform this task.  

• Q. Is “Yes, ma’am” the proper answer for a child to give his teacher. 
• A. No. The correct answer is, "Yes, Miss Marshall.” 

• Q. If one enters a streetcar or bus, and sits down next to a friend who is reading a book, should one start a conversation?  
• A. The friend who is reading should take the initiative, and decide whether she wishes to continue reading or converse with you.   

• Q. Do the ushers at a wedding pay for their own outfits?  
• A. Yes, because they are supposed to have in their wardrobes clothes that are suitable for a wedding.   

• Q. Is it proper to pick bones from meat or fish with the fingers?  
• A. This is permitted only in strict privacy.   

• Q. What subjects should always be avoided in general social conversation?  
• A. Religion, politics, illness, operations, death.

— by Roberta Lee, 1930-1939

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Early Frisco Cocktail Route Etiquette

It is not barroom etiquette to lounge, any more than it is to order drinks without first depositing your money on the polished mahogany ... Barroom etiquette is a strong influence; so strong that none seems too poor to do it reverence. That is why when one of a party of six, stands for the drinks, the other five make it a point of honor to reciprocate on the spot. That is why men drink before dinner, drink hard spirits that leave them with little or no palate for the finer flavors of wine. 

It is, we believe, the famous historian, Froude, who, when asked what was the best thing he had discovered in California, answered, “the cocktail.” This seductive admixture of spirits, bitters, oil of lime and ice was invented and named in California. San Francisco was the first to have the cocktail, the first to name its line of popular saloons “the cocktail route,” and San Francisco has a lot to answer for. Out of a simple, fascinating drink we have made what may be termed without extravagance a national vice—the vice of drinking before, instead, or with meals; the pernicious habit of “walking the line” from saloon to saloon and with artificial sociability working up an artificial habit—by which term, we mean the drinking of mixed and unmixed spirits before meals—bids fair to demoralize the backbone and stomach of the country. 

The cocktail route is a greater menace to San Francisco than to Chinatown. For it works its evil among the best classes in the community. Business men, professional men, gamblers and idlers are alike the victims of its spell. In a cafe or in a club men gather, and, incidentally drink. But the drinking is incidental, in a club or cafe the members and patrons are seated, they talk, they smoke or drink as little or as much as they desire —but they are not there for the sole purpose of drinking, and the “reciprocity” crime of everybody’s treating is not thought of. In a saloon, men flock only to drink. The waistcoat of the average man about town is prematurely shiny from rubbing against the bar rail. You have no business standing up against a bar unless you keep the barkeeper and the cash register busy. Drinks are handed out as any other merchandise; a bar will accommodate only a limited number of persons, and lounging at it is not encouraged. It is not barroom etiquette to lounge, any more than it is to order drinks without first depositing your money on the polished mahogany. 

Barroom etiquette is a strong influence; so strong that none seems too poor to do it reverence. That is why when one of a party of six, stands for the drinks, the other five make it a point of honor to reciprocate on the spot. That is why men drink before dinner, drink hard spirits that leave them with little or no palate for the finer flavors of wine. That is why there is so much drunkenness. We do not refer to the occasional debauch, but to the regular afternoon jag of the genteel kind. Day in and day out it is the same old round of liquor along the cocktail route. Some men stand it and pickle to a rosy old age; others get to love drink for drink’s sake alone and flop by the wayside. We are not talking morality or temperance, but just plain common sense. The American, the San Franciscan especially, is the most foolish, inartistic drinker on earth. He does not know how to use the liquid delights of life. He is a hog. Here we are living in a country of wine; year by year our vintages have improved until already California can take her place among the famous wine producing places of the world—and how many Californians know the first thing about good wine? Too few. Too few. We drink whisky, whisky, whisky, whisky, and at the wrong time. And all on account of the cocktail route.—San Francisco News Letter, 1900

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Rising Up in Society

He dresses himself well if his means will allow; be he ever so poor he must be clean. If he commits any little error at the dinner table he must learn to be composed; he must be deaf and blind to the errors of others in society. 

Attention to Minor Manners

To descend to the lowest thing about a gentleman, we should remember that his minor manners must be attended to; he does not swear or smoke in the presence of women, he does not eat his dinner in a hurry, he does not crumble his bread about, making it into pills; he does not eat his soup with a hissing sound, or tip the plate to get the last drop; he mends his table manners if they are bad. He dresses himself well if his means will allow; be he ever so poor he must be clean. If he commits any little error at the dinner table he must learn to be composed; he must be deaf and blind to the errors of others in society. 

But etiquette never means stiffness. The best bred people are the unconscious of the manners of others around them. So sudden are the rises in American society, that many a man has been invited to a dinner party to eat his dinner off the plate which he lately washed. A politician may rise from being a waiter to being President of the United States. And he is a better man and a better diner and a better president. If, when he was a waiter, he had good manners and was obedient. “He also serves who only stands and waits” has a greater master than the one who pays him his wages. The noble quotation can be read two ways. A man may thus be a gentleman at heart, even in a state of servitude.—Philadelphia Times, 1888

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Tact in French Entertaining of 1907

Instead of sitting at the ends of the table, where they are far apart, the host and the hostess sit opposite one another in the middle, where the table is narrowed and where they are able at once to keep in touch with each other and easily to talk with the guests on either side of each.

The Tact With Which Guests Are Brought Into a Social Group

Every one knows his position and his cue, and every hostess knows that part of her duty is to indicate and to give them, says Professor Barrett Wendell in Scribner’s. Perhaps the most characteristic instance of the way in which this affects social conduct is what generally happens at a dinner party. Instead of sitting at the ends of the table, where they are far apart, the host and the hostess sit opposite one another in the middle, where the table is narrowed and where they are able at once to keep in touch with each other and easily to talk with the guests on either side of each. Thus a company of twelve is at once brought into a single social group, and the outlying members of a larger party are not so far away that they cannot readily listen to the general talk or even take part in it. And the talk is always general, addressed no doubt to one or another of the company, as the tact of the hosts happens to find pleasantest, but never broken into a system of separate confidential dialogues, as is generally the case at home. 

A French dinner is not noisy any more than is a French drawing room. But in either case the deeply subdued tone of voice prevalent in England and among the better sort of Americans would be almost a breach of polite manners. Every social function in France, even to the most informal, has a social character far more pronounced than ours. The individual is there to enjoy himself. But he is also there to play his part. In consequence, all social intercourse in France has a quality less personal, less confidential, somewhat more reserved, than an American is used to. Whoever, even in private places, finds himself in the presence of his fellow beings conducts himself in many ways as if he were in public. The French are in no way conscious of this phase of their manners. It is as normal to them as it is novel to an American visitor. And it results in a general and cheerful, though not quite intimate, conviviality which makes our own manners seem in contrast somewhat melancholy in their dual isolation. —Morning Tribune, 1907

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Children in Polite Society

It’s impossible for a child to keep interested in what he is eating if he is being nagged about his manners. An extremely hungry child may go on eating, anyway, in such a situation, but he won’t enjoy the meal and it is doubtful whether mother’s pains to change his manners will make the desired impression. 

Robert came in for his dinner, saying that he was “starved.” He started eating rapidly, taking enormous mouthfuls, while mother looked on horrified. But his greed wasn’t as distasteful to her as the fact that he wasn’t holding his fork properly. “Your fork isn’t a dagger,” she criticized, as she took it out of his hand and handed it back to him correctly. The boy scowled and continued eating. But the interruption semed to have dulled his enthusiasm for dinner somewhat and he slumped in his chair. 

In a few minutes, noticing Robert’s faulty posture, mother spoke to him about that. As the boy straightened up, she found other things amiss in his manners and corrected them. “Stop bolting your food. Chew it well. That's better and bind your lips, Robert keep them closed while chewing!” Suddently, Robert stopped eating. When mother urged, “Eat your dinner,” he pushed away his plate. He was fed up with mother's nagging. “I’m not hungry,” he announced. “Nonsense—only a few minutes ago you were famished,” mother argued, as she tried to force him to take more food. Finally, she gave up, thinking, “His appetite is bad, and his manners are worse. I can't do anything with that boy.”

It’s impossible for a child to keep interested in what he is eating if he is being nagged about his manners. An extremely hungry child may go on eating, anyway, in such a situation, but he won’t enjoy the meal and it is doubtful whether mother’s pains to change his manners will make the desired impression. One mother has special sessions for teaching manners and leaves the children alone between times. 

About once a week, she sets the table with special care, as for a party. All dress up for the occasion, which is called “polite society dinner.” Part of the fun of this game is its strict formality. Corrections are matter-of-fact, and no one takes offense, because all are out to learn. “Look, Robert, this is the way to hold a spoon in polite society.” Or, “Alice, we don’t smack our lips in polite society.” Since these sessions were started, the strain has been removed from ordinary mealtimes, and the children's everyday manners have improved noticeably. — By Jane Coward, 1941

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For Brits, “Roof is Introduction”

The fact that you and the other guests are under the same roof is introduction ... “Simplicity of both thought and action is the basis of good breeding. One must use her common sense as well as her kindliness of heart and take into consideration that pretension is always a mark of vulgarity.” 

Introductions manners always improve with the cultivation of the mind, and we can turn the rule around, for the acquirement of good manners can only be attained by education and observations, followed by habitual practice. It would be a good thing if we had another Addison or Steel to turn our attention to the manners of our time, as these distinguished writers did in the ‘Spectator.’ The great mistake that most people make is in acquiring too much manner. Simplicity of both thought and action is the basis of good breeding. One must use her common sense as well as her kindliness of heart, and take into consideration that pretension is always a mark of vulgarity. 

Introductions are made indiscriminately in America and there is much to be learned in almost any set about the proper way to present one person to another. In the first place, you should never introduce one person to another unless you know that it is agreeable to both of them. “But.” you exclaim, “perhaps they are both at my home for an evening party!” Then these ladies should know the English law that “roof is introduction,” and remember that a casual conversation does not hurt anyone, neither does it entail a further acquaintance which might be awkward. In making an introduction the gentleman is always presented to the lady. The younger woman to the older woman.

In her own house a hostess should always extend her hand to a person introduced to her. At a dinner party the hostess need only introduce the gentleman to the lady that he is to take in to dinner. Even after introduction a man must wait for the woman to bow first when next they meet. When introducing a man, always give him his title, even if you are his wife. Introductions on the street are not in good taste, as one should not stop long enough on a promenade to present one person to another. If you are with someone and a friend stops her on the street, it is good taste for you to walk on slowly. • • • • Memo: Strive to live up to your favorable introduction. — By Idah McGlone Gibson

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Medieval Seating and Dining

 The origins of modern day seating arrangements for dining. — “As a rule, one knife had to serve for two people, and often a bowl of soup was used by two persons. For this reason the party giving the dinner arranged his guests in couples, trying to place people together who would be congenial and not adverse to this common use of table appointments.”— Image source, Pinterest

A description of a dinner given in 1350 shows that there has been a vast improvement in table manners since then:

As a rule, one knife had to serve for two people, and often a bowl of soup was used by two persons. For this reason the party giving the dinner arranged his guests in couples, trying to place people together who would be congenial and not adverse to this common use of table appointments. Spoons were seldom supplied to the guests, and the soup was drunk directly from the bowl, the latter usually having side handles by which it was held. 

In less refined company, there were no separate soup bowls, only one large porringer, which was passed around to the guests in turn. The diners helped themselves to the pieces of meat they desired from the common dish with their fingers. Napkins were considered a luxury, and were only provided in very aristocratic and wealthy families.—Philadelphia Inquirer, 1903

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1930's Calling Card Etiquette

Leaving one's calling card was the best way to ensure a return call. Calling cards were the forerunners to today's business cards.

Every person, when old enough to take part in the social life of the community, needs a visiting card. Such cards are engraved, not printed, and bear the name of the man or woman with the title Mr. Mrs. or Miss. 

Pet names are never used, and usually the full name appears on the card, although a man who has a name which he dislikes or prefers not to use, may elect to have an initial on his card. His wife would use the same form.

It is customary to have one's address on a visiting card, but for the people who live in small towns or the country, it would not be necessary and perhaps not even possible. People living in cities sometimes omit the address also, perhaps because they do not regard their address as permanent.


Husbands and wives have, in addition to their individual cards, a joint one for use in visiting and sending presents. This card is somewhat larger than the wife's card, which may be larger than that of her unmarried daughter or maybe the same size. There are several standard sizes for a woman's card to suit personal preference and the length of the name. A man's card is much smaller than a woman's. Any good stationer has samples showing correct sizes and styles of engraving.


A widow continues to use her husband's Christian name on her cards, and letters to her should be addressed in the same way — that is, "Mrs. John Taylor"; not "Mrs. Barbara Taylor." Socially, a woman never uses "Mrs." before her Christian name, although she may in business. 

A divorced woman customarily uses her maiden surname with her married name, as "Mrs. Smith Robinson." "Senior" should not be used after a name, either on a card or envelope for men. — Etiquette for To-Day, 1939

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Music Hall Etiquette

Don’t allow an uninterested or very young child to create an ongoing audible or visible distraction... — photo source, Pinterest 

Dos and Don’ts

Here’s how novice concertgoers can enjoy a concert without disturbing others’ enjoyment:

• Do bring cough drops or lozenges if you anticipate an onslaught of throat-clearing, but 
• DON'T bring the kind that are wrapped in cellophane, or paper that has to be ripped. 
• Do bring a quiet timepiece or none at all but 
• DON'T bring a watch that beeps unless you are absolutely certain it won't.
• Do bring children to events in the arts: They are its future, but 
• DON'T allow an uninterested or very young child to create an ongoing audible or visible distraction. 
• Do react: You have every right to express your feelings about a concert at the appropriate interval. Applause at the end of a complete work or a set of short pieces is the norm. (Reaction between movements of a symphony may raise a few eyebrows; however, honest responses are fine at any time when they won't lessen enjoyment of others or interrupt the continuity of the performance.) 
• Don't feel that silence or even honest expressions of displeasure are unreasonable when they are deserved, but 
• DON'T talk during the show. Do read program notes before the concert or play. You can follow texts to vocal works during a performance, but 
• DON'T shuffle the pages. And don't worry so much about applauding or laughing at the theater. Both are expected during a play. – By Robert V. Palmer, Gannett News Service, 1989

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Gilded Age Etiquette Satire

In faultless attire you will happily find 

Society’s eyes to your real faults blind. 

For etiquette, e'en from antiquity, teaches 

That wits cannot shine in their last seasons breeches

THE SOCIETY MAN 

How can you become a ‘society man.’ 

If poor, you cannot, but if wealthy you can, 

That is, if you care to; for gold is, they say,

The talisman bright which insures an entree 

Into high upper-ten-dom, and if to its charm 

You’ll just add a pedigree long as your arm, 

And strictly abide by the following plan, 

You're bound to become a society man. 

At th’ very first round of the ladder commence, 

Consult the best tailors and, (blank the expense) 

In faultless attire you will happily find 

Society’s eyes to your real faults blind. 

For etiquette, e'en from antiquity, teaches 

That wits cannot shine in their last seasons breeches, 

And th' greatest of humorist’s puns are quite that 

When uttered above an unstylish cravat. 

Let study of self be your solo occupation.

Your faults to correct in attire, conversation, 

Appearance et cetera; dignified ease 

Should temper your movements; your object, to please. 

Not only yourself but the nicest observer. 

From truth you should also become a good swerver, 

Quite ready to flatter with lies when you can 

If you would become a society man. 

If modest, that misery quickly subdue; 

Faint heart never won a fair lady, and you, 

If in the least timid, cannot with propriety, 

Expect the embraces of high-toned society. 

Make love to the maidens, and matrons as well, 

For this is an art in which you should excel; 

But marriage taboo as no part of the plan 

Of a genuine up-up society man. 

Thus, properly scented, and properly curled, 

Assume all the airs of a man of the world. 

And if you are one, bravely deem yourself then 

The equal of other society,

Wherever society’s worshipers throng, 

Let mighty self-confidence help you along; 

However ’twas gained, they may guess it who can, 

Without it you're not a society man. 

                                                –M. A. Stewart, 1893

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Profiles in Fashion— C.F. Worth

A Worth gown depicted on the cover of Harper’s Bazar, in 1894— According to the Telegraph, Charles Frederick Worth was the 

“the Lincolnshire lad who became Queen Victoria's favourite couturier.”

Charles Frederick Worth, the first couturier of this age, and whose death in Paris has been the subject of much remark the world over, was buried recently in the family vault in the village of Suresnes-sur-Seine. On the Wednesday previous a service for the dead was held in the French Protestant Church in the Avenue, de la Grande Armee, Paris. Mr. Worth came to Paris as a young man of 20, the son of a Lincolnshire solicitor, looking out for something to do in the costume way, he having been with Swan & Edgar in London for seven years, and with the sincere determination to carve out for himself an independent fortune. It is not true, as Le Temps rather cruelly suggests, that the youth was of so artistic a temperament that he found England out of harmony with his tastes and feelings, and naturally gravitated to the one city of light and beauty. Young Worth simply emigrated, took the first situation in Paris that looked promising (it was with Gagelins), and threw into his occupation all that AngloSaxon energy which in those days of lesser competition with his own countrymen would assure him ultimate success. 

The World’s Great Milliner

To be candid, Worth did indeed leave England at a disparately inartistic period. It was the days of high stocks for men, poke-bonnets for women and crooked-leg furniture with horsehair. Nothing could be more dreadful. But young Mr. Worth heeded these things not. He came to the city where many of his countrymen have since made their fortune at just the right epoch. “Miss Flora Mc Flimsey of Madison Square” and all her friends, who found in Broadway nothing good enough to wear, were coming over to Europe to learn how to dress and going to Paris for the latest fashions. Mr. Worth saw all this and knew where his fortune lay. Soon after he had learned his business he suggested certain enterprising movements in advance to the house in which he was employed. They hesitated and eventually declined to accept his suggestions, whereupon Mr. Worth left their employ and started a business for himself in the very same premises in the Rue de la Paix in which the business is conducted to-day. 

His life is a contradiction to the axiom that “small beginnings are the way to get on.” Mr. Worth founded a business that from its birth was able to compete with, if not outshine, all his competitors. At the time of his death the house was sending out 10,000 costumes a year, and with every prospect of more. His sons, MM. Jean and Gaston, have now the entire control of the concern, though until very recently Mr. Worth superintended all the details of purchase. In private life Mr. Worth was almost a recluse. He married early a French lady, settled down in a small villa at Suresnes, adjoining the railway station, and used the daily train to go to his business. This villa soon became too small. He added to it ground and thereon built additions; then more ground and more buildings. He had reached from the main road to a public footpath and progress was arrested. Not for long. 

Over the footpath he threw an arch, on the arch continued his building, bought enough land on the other side the path for all his stables, greenhouses and vegetable gardens and another villa and grounds for one of his sons, so that to-day this conglomerate mass of buildings in a dozen styles of architecture forms the immense Chateau Worth, embracing several acres of exquisite grounds. The interiors of the buildings are like the exterior, full of surprises. Staircases greet you everywhere, as the houses are grouped all on the side of a steep hill, and the levels have to be met by stairways. The ceilings are low or high, just as it happens, but all adding to its picturesqueness. The walls are covered with ceramic decorations: plates and pieces of ware of Nantes, of Nevers, of Rouen, of Niderviller, Strassbonrg, Blois, Moustiers, Limoges, Marseilles, Sceaux, Tours, and especially old Quimper grouped there by the hundred. A most interesting place, but little known to the outside world. 

Some years ago I asked Mr. Worth to allow me to photograph his grounds and give a published description of his home. He replied most modestly and firmly : “I am a business man and shall always remain one. Were I to accede to your wish I might pose as something else, and this I have no wish to do.” Charitable in a large way locally, for at Suresnes he was to the poor most bountiful and to a few other charities, he never identified himself with the English colony of Paris, was rarely seen in public, except at the village celebrations of Suresnes, where he was greatly beloved, and on which occasions his purse was always  open. Among commercial men of the nineteenth century few, if any, have known so steady a rise to prosperity entirely through their own industry, perseverance and intelligence as the late Charles Frederick Worth.— Queen, 1895

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Wedding Fancies of 1893

The favorite hour for weddings is at noon and the chosen place church, the reception at the home of the bride immediately following the ceremony. This early hour necessitates a wedding breakfast, of which the guests partake seated at large or small tables, or with less formality and expense it may be served from a buffet.

With the Present Matrimonial Season have Come Some Changed Customs

This world is a world of change, and each season brings its variation of manners and customs. Wedding etiquette is undergoing some alterations, though in the main it remains unchanged, and some of these fancies are noted as follows by Harper’s Bazar: 

The preference in engagement rings still inclines toward the solitaire diamond, the purest stone, even though small, being in better taste than a more showy one, defective in color. The setting is narrow, showing as little gold as possible, and the gem is not too prominent. Though the solitaire ranks first, yet for the sake of novelty some young people select a diamond and emerald cluster or a ruby and diamond set obliquely, a fine ruby tripling in value a diamond of equal size. The wide and heavy wedding ring has been discarded in favor of a narrow oval band of gold, as pure as is feasible for long wear. The “square” ring is entirely out of vogue.  

The favorite hour for weddings is at noon and the chosen place church, the reception at the home of the bride immediately following the ceremony. This early hour necessitates a wedding breakfast, of which the guests partake seated at large or small tables, or with less formality and expense it may be served from a buffet. The wedding cake is provided in small, square boxes, tied with satin ribbon, a gold or silver monogram in one corner, the boxes arranged on a table near the door and handed out by a functionary to each departing guest.  

The floral decorations are to be more elaborate at the house than at the church. Any blossoms not shading on purple are appropriate for wedding decoration, but the long stemmed American Beauty roses will be much used, as they are very effective when massed together in jars or vases, with a background of maiden-hair fern and palms. Lilies of the valley and white orchids are the most choice flowers for the bridal bouquet, but the rose known as the “Bride,” though creamy rather than dead white, is used, it being much liked not only from the sentiment attached to it for its name’s sake, but because it has a firm stem and is easily carried. 

Gardenias are too stiff for the bouquet, but they are worn ns a boutonnières by the groom, best man and ushers. Ropes or garlands of flowers will form a pretty alternative for the satin ribbons dividing the family seats from the rest of the church, and the little maids attendant upon the bride may carry baskets of cut flown or loose nosegays, as taste or preference has decreed.– San Jose Herald, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Covid-19 Remote Work

Interruptions kill your focus. Before sitting down in front of your computer, make sure that the needs of your children, even your pet’s are met. Try to work your schedule around the quality time spent with them. This gives children a sense of priority and security given the circumstances. 

EtiquetteWise™ Tips for Remote Work due to Covid-19

Following the recent pandemic caused by Covid-19, many governmental offices, international organizations, corporations and other professional institutions have advised their employees to work remotely from home. This sudden switch has created new rules to follow at home – namely our interim office location, at least for the foreseeable future. Working from home is not an excuse to loose your professionalism or your motivation. Nevertheless, overcoming these unprecedented circumstances needs self-discipline, patience and etiquettewise™ skills.

As I often work from home, I must say that it can be an advantage because I don’t have to commute, nor stress about the morning traffic, I have more flexibility in my schedule all the while carrying on my responsibilities as needed. However, I understand that this may not be the case for many of you. Therefore, I have prepared a short list of tips to help you manage your situation during this current lockdown.

Once Awake, Don’t Stay Long in Bed

This may be quite tempting, especially during rainy days, but it actually reduces your motivation and thereby your productivity for the day. Getting up early, even if not as early as usual, will help you sustain an efficient routine and organize your day better.

Exercise

If you own a home workout machine, then use it by all means. If not, I suggest working out at your own pace with safe exercise moves to keep your body active and healthy. If possible, use also online videos to practice some yoga moves as this can ease your anxiety and help you maintain your mental health. For those of you who own an outdoor facility such as a garden or a balcony, make use of it to stimulate your mind and get in touch with nature. Otherwise, let the fresh air in from the windows to boost your morale and increase your productivity.

Dress for the Day

For the professionals who need to work from home, act like as if you are actually going to work. Of course you don’t need to wear a suit and put on your shoes, but certainly take a shower, remove your pyjama and get into comfortable cloths. This creates a momentum to help you carry on with the day with a decent level of professionalism as you would in your office.

Prevent Interruptions

I know this is easier said than done, but interruptions kill your focus. Before sitting down in front of your computer, make sure that the needs of your children, even your pet’s are met. Try to work your schedule around the quality time spent with them. This gives children a sense of priority and security given the circumstances. If your phone rings while you’re working, prioritize the calls according to rationale. If it’s the number of an elderly family member, pick the phone up to ensure their wellbeing. Otherwise, keep all distractions, including social media, to a minimum until you get a break to catch up with everything. At home it is also tempting to take breaks for cooking, doing your laundry, chitchatting with your spouse or checking on the kids. If you feel like pausing often, then schedule short breaks to avoid distractions.

Keep it Professional

When you need to connect with your colleagues from your virtual office, stay focused and keep the conversation mostly related to work. Avoid complaining about the situation as you won’t accomplish much from stating the obvious but you could come across as a moaner. You might enjoy sipping your drink while talking, that’s fine of course as long as you keep all types of food away from your mouth while you’re on the phone. If you’re on a video call, mind your voice tone and body language, as you must still be perceived as a professional.

Assign a Space for Work-Only Purposes

Find a space in a less crowded room where you can keep your work papers, computer and other important documents without having to remove them on a daily basis. Some find the kitchen table as an alternative for a work desk or even the dining room as a compromise for a virtual office. The important thing is to establish a fixed area for your workload. Should there be family members besides you who needs work space as well, be supportive and give each other room. With patience and respect you can all be more constructive and efficient.

Develop a Routine

Organize a daily routine including an official start and an end time for work. This is crucial for your work-life balance at home. Manage your entire day developing rituals at your own rhythm from waking up early, exercising, doing your morning chores, showering, dressing up, eating at same time slots and working at determined hours. Just as you plan to start on time, plan as well to finish in a timely manner. As you know, Life ends but work never ends! Use the rest of the day to bond with your loved ones, connect with friends or even explore a new hobby. Creating such practices incorporates self-discipline and increases your productivity at all levels.

Be Human Again

Besides avoiding handshakes and social distancing, Coronavirus reminded humanity about what should matter most to mere mortals. Financial success, politics, economy, stock markets, commodities, banking, entertainment, tourism, you name it… they all have shaped the purpose of humankind in the era we live in. But with all these aspects on hold, human beings are back to survival mode. Your priority is to stay alive and healthy, embrace your family, appreciate what you have and empathize with the ones who are loosing these treasures today one way or another.

You may be unable to interact with others physically, but you can still use your well-mannered skills to show compassion, gratitude, respect, and humility with a caring phone call, a warm video connection or a kind message via social media.

With the Covid-19 crises, try to have a positive outlook, learn from your experience, focus on what really matters, stay safe and enjoy your loved ones. Remember you’re not alone, we’re all in this together!

Meet our newest contributor, Irma Vartanian Balian, founding Director of ProtocolWise ™. She has lived in North America, Europe and the Middle East. Her rich cultural background, her commitment to excellence, along with her expertise in Protocol and Soft Diplomacy, equipped lrma to provide valuable advice to her clients while putting them at ease. Irma trains leaders, corporate teams, diplomats, individuals, families and professionals, both regionally and internationally with assurance and professionalism.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette  Encyclopedia

Idleness Corrupts Manners

Next to selfishness, idleness is the greatest corrupter of manners, as well as, of morals. Half the sins of the world may be laid at the door of idleness. If you would keep your boys from becoming gamblers, hangers-on at saloons or political parasites, keep them employed actively.

Next to selfishness, idleness is the greatest corrupter of manners, as well as, of morals. The mother who would see her daughter a happy and contented wife, should implant a love of industry. She should teach her to feel an interest in something good and useful. Gardening, needle-work housekeeping, anything but that paralysis of the faculties that results from idleness. There are women who would not object to doing kindnesses if no effort were required of them. It is too much trouble to go out into the garden and cut a few flowers for a friend who lives in a flat, or a sick child longing for the beauty and odor from which it is shut. Idleness has hung chains of greater weight than iron on the hands that ought to rejoice in doing deeds of kindness. Good intentions and good manners,  struggle to see the light but die still-born, benumbed by idleness. Half the sins of the world may be laid at the door of idleness. If you would keep your boys from becoming gamblers, hangers-on at saloons or political parasites, keep them employed actively. If you would keep your girls sweet, uncorrupted, happy, fill their lives with suitable employment and they can bid the demons of melancholy and despair defiance.— San Jose Mercury, 1896 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Good Manners vs Society Manners

Not long ago, I heard it remarked of a charming young girl, “Oh, she has real society manners.” It set me wondering if there was only an affectation of good manners among people who claim to be society people. When I see a man or woman, old or young, rich or poor, dressed in brocade or fustian, attentive to the old, considerate of the feeble, kind to the young and inexperienced, I pronounce them good mannered. If forgetful of self, they are thoughtful of all who come within their circle, it would seem to me such are really possessed of good manners. If these are not society manners, so much the worse for society. 

Of late, I have seen frequent mention of “good manners” as something apart from “society manners,” and I am curious to learn when and how the distinction arose. If society has not good manners, more is the pity. If good manners are not recognized in society, what is one to think? Not long ago, I heard it remarked of a charming young girl, “Oh, she has real society manners.” It set me wondering if there was only an affectation of good manners among people who claim to be society people. When I see a man or woman, old or young, rich or poor, dressed in brocade or fustian, attentive to the old, considerate of the feeble, kind to the young and inexperienced, I pronounce them good mannered. If forgetful of self, they are thoughtful of all who come within their circle, it would seem to me such are really possessed of good manners. If these are not society manners, so much the worse for society.

Many a young girl has been trained to walk and to dance gracefully, to enter and leave a room properly and yet has not known the rudiments of good manners. I have met young girls who were natural and graceful, who could talk intelligently on the current topics of the day, who had the power to please and practiced all the little acts of politeness so becoming to youth, yet they had been reared on ranches remote from the great cities and knew nothing of clubs, hops, or what is called society. Society used to have a deeper meaning than it now has. It meant more than dance and drivel, simper and flirt, and the key that opened its magic doors was not gilded. It only required worth, education, a desire to please and a willingness to be pleased to make one a member of the best society. The change has not been for the better.

It is a very small circle that arrogates to itself the title—society. The supercilious air, the cold, repellent look, the scarcely disguised disdain of those considered outside the pale, provoke investigation of the claims adduced and cause wise people to despise the shallow pretense. Good manners are never assumed, they are part of the person who is distinguished by them. Society manners seem often like my lady’s opera cloak, laid aside when the play is ended and reserved for the next public occasion.

Selfishness is one cause of bad manners. I have seen a child select the best seat in a room and keep it while her elders stood, and I pitied both the child and her mother. At entertainments in private houses I have blushed for the conduct of young men who flattered themselves that because of the faultless fit of their evening dress, they were gentlemen, while they struggled for entrance to the refreshment rooms and rudely grabbed the delicacies placed before them, utterly oblivious of the fact that ladies were yet unserved. They insolently called for articles not on the table, and conducted themselves like barbarians while claiming to be members of the best society, and they would have stared in wonder to see one not of their set enter upon the scene, though showing by every act that he was a gentleman. Selfishness caused their rude deportment.

In the cars, the same spirit is constantly displayed. Well dressed men stretch themselves across two seats, having paid for only one, and decline to see a tired laborer or a poor woman standing in the aisle. They arc as impervious to looks of appeal or of indignation as the hide of a rhinoceros is to boiled peas. Selfishness again. And so, all through life, one finds examples of bad manners exhibited by people who claim to be leaders in all things polite. — San Jose Mercury, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia