Old World Cereal Etiquette

A British made, transfer ware shredded wheat bowl in blue and white. It’s in the George Jones Abbey 1790 pattern, circa 1920’s to 1930’s.

One of the old-world ways to eat the cereal or porridge was to serve with it individual bowls of creamy milk. A small portion of the hot porridge was then taken up on the cereal spoon, this was dipped into the milk bowl, and the two eaten together. The portion of porridge was taken up on the side of the spoon nearest the person, and the milk was dipped up from the farther side.

The dainty eater did not allow the side of the spoon that touched the lips to go into the milk. This method of eating the break fast porridge is used in Canada, in Great Britain, and here and there by individual families in the United States. But the general fashion in this country is to pour the milk or cream over the cereal in its own dish.

No food, liquid or solid, should be sipped or eaten from the point of a spoon, whether teaspoon or dessert spoon. Everything is eaten from the side of the spoon only.

The spoon should never be left in the coffee cup, or in a scooped-out melon, but should be removed and placed on the saucer or the fruit plate. The spoon may be left in the cereal dish. — Mary D. Chambers, 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Etiquette Dictated the Fashion

Princess Louise, Duchess of Argyll, was the sixth child and fourth daughter of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. In 1878, her husband, John, Marquess of Lorne, the heir of the Duke of Argyll, was appointed Governor General of Canada. It was a post he held from 1878–1884. Louise, as “viceregal consort,” starting a lasting interest in Canada. Her name was used to name many features in Canada. In her public life, she was a strong proponent of the arts and higher education and of the feminist cause. – Photo public domain

A Canadian Difficulty

The Canadians are just now entangled in a very curious and perplexing controversy. The new Governor General’s Court is of course regulated in accordance with royal etiquette, and one of the most inflexible regulations is that which ordains that all ladies attending it shall be in full dress. Now, whether the upper circles of Canada are peculiarly Arcadian and primitive in their habits, or whether the inclemency of the climate has necessitated a departure from the practice of denudation which is elsewhere regarded as full evening costume, is not apparent ; but the fact is that a loud outcry has been raised in the Canadian press against the contemplated innovation, and some very venerable arguments have been aired upon the occasion. 

It has been pointed out with some force, however, that thus far the only opinions which have been made public are those of men and that the opinions of the Canadian women may possibly not agree with them. Certainly it would be an unheard of thing if these ladies suffered any considerations of hygiene or prudery to hinder them from following the fashion, whatever it might be. It is not to be supposed that they differ in mental structure and habit from their sisters all over the world, and it is tolerably well ascertained that whatever kind of costume fashion prescribes, whether it is cut down to the waist before and behind, or fastened up to the throat, that costume the dear creatures will wear, even if it kills them. The idea that the Canadian ladies would rebel against the etiquette of a royal court, moreover, is simply preposterous. 

This demonstration of horror and indignation undoubtedly comes from the stupid men, who never can be got to perceive that there are in practice no rigid standards of modesty, propriety, right or wrong, but that everything is permissible which Fashion ordains, no matter what it may involve in the way of undressing. If low necks and short sleeves are de rigueur at the Court of Princess Louise, depend upon it there will be no resistance to the decree. The only thing to be hoped is that this impending anatomical display may possess its aesthetic compensations, and that the Canadian damsels and matrons will, to employ the language of the P. R., “peel well.” – Sacramento Daily Union, 1878

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Curtsey Lessons for Queen Times 5

Practicing their curtsies, per chance? The Dionne quintuplets were the most celebrated siblings of their day and were famous around the world. Postcards, dolls, silver spoons and more, all carried the images of the fab five girls; Yvonne, Marie, Emilie, Annette and Cecile.

                                                                                         

         The Quints Meet the Queen 

Sturdy stock, these Dionnes! With Washington society already a little breathless over the oncoming visit of the King and Queen of England, up in Callander, Ont., the Dionne quintuplets are taking it all in their stride. These celebrated sisters are also going to have a visit with England’s top royalty. This week they’ve gone into training for the event, learning to recite the proper salutation and to curtsey without falling backwards or tumbling head-on at Their Majestie’s feet. But this week, and for years, that meeting will be just one more event in their busy lives. Today, a bit of drilling on the niceties of court etiquette. Next Monday, a “how-do-you-do” to the King and Queen in person. Week after that, a birthday party when the sprightly five of a kind celebrate their fifth birthday. 

Next comes June, and with it the tourist parade sweeping into Callander and up to the Dionne play-yard. But come tourists, photographers, cameramen, writers or royalty, it’s all one to the quintuplets. Keeping their balance and, on the word of Dr. Dafoe, remaining normal, healthy youngsters. Yet it must be admitted these Dionnes do have an edge. These five smart girls have already amassed a tidy fortune well past the half million mark. By the time their eighth birthday comes round, it’s expected to be close to a full million dollars. With riches and fame in their own right, Canada’s five little queens needn’t worry too much about that curtsey. They’re going to get along! – Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1939

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Etiquette of First Calls

In many houses, between 4 and 5 o'clock in the afternoon, a cup of tea is always offered to visitors. The maid either brings in a tray containing a small teapot, a silver pitcher of hot water— in case the tea is too strong— a small pitcher of milk or cream, or a little dish of sliced lemon and plate of cakes, or tiny three-cornered bread-and-butter sandwiches; or, if there is a tea table in the corner of the room, the lady herself makes the tea for her guests; but the former method is now deemed the smarter. Except occasionally, on a reception or at home day, it is no longer considered good form to have a tea table in the drawing room. 

Who Makes the First Call?

When people settle in a small city or town, or in the country. It is courteous for the residents of the place to make the first call: upon the newcomers, which must, of course, be promptly returned. Even if some of these acquaintances, are not desired, really well-bred people always return first calls within a few weeks, allowing, if they so choose, all subsequent calls to be unreturned by them. And so the acquaintance can generally lapse without the cut direct and the bitter feeling that would undoubtedly be caused by the failure to return the first visit of a neighbor. 

In lax cities, the population is so dense that for obvious reasons people do not call upon their neighbors unless they have obtained introductions and have been invited to do so. In New York or Chicago, one's circle of friends is scattered all over town, and the residents of the same block, though they may live side by side for years, generally remain entire strangers to each other. In England, however, and even in diplomatic circles in Washington, the reverse is the custom, and the stranger calls first on the residents of the place without waiting for friends and acquaintances to make the first visits, as is the usual American custom. 

I once knew two charming women, one a Canadian and the other an American, who were at loggerheads for no other reason than that neither one would be the first to break this law of etiquette of her respective country. They had met perviously at a watering place and were mutually attracted to one another when the next summer, the American went to stay at a hotel in the home city of the Canadian. Now, each knew perfectly well the whereabouts of the other and longed to continue the acquaintance, but the American would not call first on Lady M___ because, as she said, it was Lady M___'s place to call first upon her. That was American etiquette, and Lady M___ knew it. And Lady M__ on her side, would make no move.

Mrs. R___ should, she declared, make the first visit. English etiquette demanded it, and Mrs. R___ was not ignorant; she had visited in Canada, and had even been to England; and she knew all about it. And so matters remained for one entire summer; neither would give in because each was firmly convinced that the very letter and not the spirit of the law of etiquette of her respective country was the only thing worthy of her consideration. It is not necessary to say that such a state of things is supremely ridiculous. A little less stubbornness and more common sense would have convinced the American that the really well-bred woman invariably follows, so far as she can consistently do so, the customs of the country in which she chances to be.– Eleanor B. Clapp, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette for Canada

This is basic handshaking etiquette. Overall, it is good advice for any country where handshakes are expected — First, shake hands firmly. This gives the impression that you are genuine and confident. Hold the handshake for one or two seconds and shake steadily from your elbow. However, avoid an overly powerful handshake; Do not crush the other person’s hand in yours.

Customs and Etiquette Written 

for Those Moving or Migrating to Canada

There is a certain set of etiquette expectations that Canadians have in any professional or social setting, from how you shake hands to your basic manners.

First, shake hands firmly. This gives the impression that you are genuine and confident. Hold the handshake for one or two seconds and shake steadily from your elbow. However, avoid an overly powerful handshake; in other words, do not crush the other person’s hand in yours.

Making eye contact is an important, and often neglected, sign of mutual acknowledgement and respect. Also continue to make natural eye contact with others, without staring uncomfortably. If you’re in a meeting or interview with several people, move your gaze between the people in the room.

General good manners are also very important. Do hold a door open for someone else, male or female, let your boss exit the elevator first and do not interrupt others while speaking.

Don’t be shy to say “I’m sorry,” “Please,” and “Thank you.” While in some cultures, it’s all important to “save face,” which makes apologizing difficult, but in Canada those words can smooth things over quickly, instead of allowing ill feelings to harbour. Also, say “I’m sorry” or “Excuse me” when walking by a person too closely. Walking into somebody’s “personal space” is considered enough grounds for an apology.

If you did not hear something properly, do not say “What?”, but politely say, “I’m sorry, I did not hear what you said, can you please repeat it?” or “Pardon me?” Always make the other person feel confident and never bring them down.

Etiquette extends to your physical appearance as well. While Canada is a multicultural environment, there is something to be said for clean, crisp business attire. That doesn’t mean you can’t bring touches of your culture to your appearance, be it in colour or jewellery, etc., but subtle is best.

The same thing goes for grooming. Be aware of food smells clinging to your clothes, which can turn some people off. And personal hygiene. In other words, keep some breath mints on you!

Don’t forget to smile. It’s a sign that you’re a positive person, even in times of difficulty. When speaking on a phone, smile into the phone as well. While the person you are speaking with cannot see you, they can feel your smile radiate positive energy!

A few words must be said about etiquette with neighbours. Often, when you move into your first house in the new community, your neighbours will knock on your door. Most of the time they want to present you with a card or a gift basket, to congratulate you on your new home. Be polite to your neighbours, always say hi when you see them on the street. If you do not wish, there is no need to engage in a lengthy conversation, but it is important to acknowledge them when you see them.

Canadians are often more uptight about inviting people into their home. It is unlikely that they will keep the door open for you to walk in any time of the day to have tea. People will schedule parties or coffee dates, but most of the time this will be somewhere outside the house. Many neighbours live side by side many years, and never see the inside of each other’s houses.

If you do happen to invite people over, remember, that in Canada, people gather to socialize, not to feast! In many cultures, it is very important to serve a huge table of food. For many it is taken as an offence if somebody comes to your house, but does not eat what you serve them. However, this is not the case in Canada. When inviting people, place snacks or finger food on the table.

Another interesting thing to note is that neighbours are often very vigilant about rules. Canadians are brought up with an understanding that they must report a crime or any suspicious activity. Do not be surprised that the neighbour who gave you a warm welcome when you just moved in is the same person who called the by-law officer because your car was not parked properly. — Fom by prepareforcanada.com , March 2012

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Remembrance Day Etiquette

After the First World War, the poppy was adopted as a symbol of Remembrance. Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae was inspired by the sight of poppies growing in battle-scarred fields to write a now famous poem called 'In Flanders Fields', in the spring of 1915, shortly after losing a friend, a Canadian doctor, in Ypres, Belgium. 

The Eleventh Hour

By Hilary Robinson

"For me, the phrase ‘the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month’ has always held great power and significance. It represents not only history – the end of the Great War, the First World War, the ‘war to end all wars’ – but also the moment in modern life when we are meant to stop, reflect and remember.

However, I have noticed that in my lifetime (and I’m not that old) many people have ‘stopped stopping’ for those two minutes, that they don’t always take the time for this small observance; instead they plough through, ignoring it or simply forgetting to pause. Not only are they themselves missing an opportunity to stop and reflect, but they are often actively intruding on those who do want to mark that time with silence.

In our constant modern rush we very rarely stop, let alone in silence and stillness. I truly believe that we owe it not only to history but to the future, to pause and reflect for those two minutes – perhaps more now than ever.

The power of the two-minute silence is that it is based in humanity. It is time to reflect on what we owe all the men and women, past and present, who have helped shape our country both in times of war and times of peace. They lived through experiences we can never imagine; recognizing this and showing our gratitude is the least we can do.

Here are a few things that you can do, not only to help you stop for those few minutes but also encourage others to do the same.

A Reminder to Remember

Set an alarm/reminder on your mobile or computer. When we get busy, time can rush past. Setting the reminder will ensure you know to stop what you’re doing.

In the Office

Set the tone and expectations: send out a communication, first thing tomorrow morning, reminding everyone to stop for those few minutes at 11:00am, and encourage everyone to participate.

During Meetings

Start late: If you have a meeting set for 11:00, change the start time to 11:05 and let attendees know why.
Start early: Set the start time for 10:50 so that everyone is in the room and can observe together; there is enormous power in the silence of a group.

If your meeting runs over 11:00am, then put that two-minute observation in the agenda; let everyone know at the start that this will happen, set a reminder on your telephone and make sure to stop.

At Home

Many of us work from home. Even if you are on your own I encourage you to stop for those two minutes. No just being silent but actually stopping, being still and reflecting.
If you are home with children this is not only a good opportunity to instill the importance of stopping, reflecting and respecting, but also to talk about what has happened in our collective past and what we want for the future.

Remembrance Day Ceremonies

If you have the opportunity, I encourage you to attend a local Remembrance Day ceremony. There is nothing more powerful than observing this day together.

I encourage you to find a way to stop, if possible, but however you chose to spend those two minutes, please keep in mind others around you.

Now, more than ever, these words ring out to me: Lest We Forget."

Hilary Robinson is the Senior Trainer and Owner of Polished Professionals in Toronto, Canada. With her background, spent running events for Prime Ministers, CEOs and academics (in the UK and Canada), one might think that she’s all about following the rules. However, she prefers to train people to understand their parameters, what it means to follow them, what advantages there are in knowing how and when to bend them, and the value in using good manners to put others at ease. With 20 years working worldwide in events and communications, Hilary believes manners and courtesy are not only powerful communication tools but the foundations on which self-confidence and success grow.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia