1859 Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Pt 3

In England, it is the custom for ladies to retire a little before the close of the meal. American ladies are not disposed to admire this habit, and we are too gallant and too anxious to enjoy the charm of their conversation, to subject them to this mode of banishment.

The fork is never to be laid on its back.

The host has the knives changed for dessert.

The knife and fork, and the table utensils generally should never be handed endways, but should be held by the middle.

Coffee is generally served after passing into the drawing room. The lady of the house fills it out if it be after dinner; after breakfast this office may be left to a servant.

The hostess should not seek to outvie her guests in the costliness of her toilet. This would be in bad taste.

In England, it is the custom for ladies to retire a little before the close of the meal. American ladies are not disposed to admire this habit, and we are too gallant and too anxious to enjoy the charm of their conversation, to subject them to this mode of banishment.

The lady of the house should show the same solicitude for all her guests, and take care that they want for nothing.

In some houses, a custom has been adopted, which appears to us vulgar, viz: the gentlemen retire from the company for a short time to smoke; on their return to the ladies, their clothes and breath exhale the disagreeable perfume. There are few well- bred women to whom tobacco is not extremely offensive.

The host rises to leave the table; you must remember not to fold your napkin, as is usual in the family, where the same napkin serves you several times. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady, and conducts her back to the drawing-room.

The Romans knew how to enhance, by enjoyments unknown to us, the pleasures of the table; and the Greeks threw more poetry into their festivals than our somewhat prosaic eaters. At the banquets of Greece, the sculptured cups were crowned with roses; singers and musicians enlivened the close of the repast; and the wit of the professed jester contributed to the entertainment of the guests.

The table and side-board and mantels will always look more inviting when dressed tastefully in flowers. A sweet bouquet before each lady is a personal compliment which it is easy to bestow, and one which can not fail to please the guests.— Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen, 1859

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1859 Etiquette for Dinner Parties

In ceremonious dinners, the place of each guest is assigned beforehand; you thus avoid putting several ladies together. Each one should have a gentleman next her.

"To give an invitation," says a brilliant writer, "is to take the responsibility of your guest's happiness during the time he is under your roof." This is an ambitious view of the subject; we will alter it thus: "To invite a man, is to undertake to do all in your power to make him feel satisfied with the pleasure you offer him." In order to do which, it is essential to know the tastes of your guests. 

To invite two persons at enmity with each other, to an entertainment, is a blunder; it is unpardonable to bring such together in a small party, unless, indeed, the way to reconciliation lies open; and even in this case there is an awkwardness in the presence of enemies, which will not fail to render their presence unpleasant to others.

"The pleasures of the table," says the author of the "Physiology of Taste," "belong to all ages, to all ranks, to all countries; they may be enjoyed with all other pleasures, and remain the longest to console us for their loss." That this enjoyment may be undisturbed, take care that nothing occurs to chagrin any of the guests; if, therefore, the conversation falls upon a subject disagreeable to any one present, good-breeding requires that the host should skillfully turn it upon another topic.

An invitation to dinner should be given at least two days beforehand, except in extraordinary cases. From an inferior to a superior, it should be made in person.

In ceremonious dinners, the place of each guest is assigned beforehand; you thus avoid putting several ladies together. Each one should have a gentleman next her.

The host offers his arm to the lady deserving of most consideration. Young people should yield to those more advanced in years. Do not forget, in passing the threshold of a door, to precede the lady who leans on your arm. This is an exception to the general rule; in every other case, the gentleman should retire a step, to allow the lady to pass.

Before passing into the dining-room, each gentleman offers his left arm to a lady, and conducts her to table.

Beware of arriving too early or too late: in either case there is an awkwardness-in the former you inconvenience your host; in the latter, his guests. — Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen, 1859

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia