Restaurant Dining Service Etiquette

There are three simple rules of etiquette when dining out: get fed, stay as clean as you can and attract no attention. –We at Etiquipedia have found that one’s attitude in a restaurant can also affect the service you receive. A smile with an upbeat attitude and good manners can be a winning combination toward having a good time when out dining.

There are a wealth of etiquette books and guides for the dining hour, each seeming to outdo the other in exactness. There are three simple rules of etiquette when dining out: get fed, stay as clean as you can and attract no attention. It is not nearly as important to know which foods Amy Vanderbilt allows to be eaten with the fingers, or which fork to use when confronted by a row of beautifully polished silver, as it is to eat with a minimum of fuss. Remember, the idea is to enjoy the meal, so relax!

Rules for dining etiquette got their start before the 16th century with the development of a tool called a fork. "The fork placed a barrier between fingers and food." wrote Raymond Sokolov, a historian interested in food and its preparation, in an article for the August, 1978, Natural History magazine. But from the creation of the fork and the spread of its use through Europe and the New World. Up until that time, people ate with their hands from a common dish.

Checklist for Service

Restaurants get ahead by offering something unique and better than their competition. Second only to appealing food is good service, say most customers. And good service will establish a good will that will give the restaurant operator's business momentum.

Next time you want to rate a restaurant before taking guests with you check the following:

1. Does the waiter or waitress treat all customers alike, regulars and strangers? You should, as a customer, always be made to feel important.
2. Can the food servers remember who ordered what or must you juggle plates back and forth after they have left?
3. Is the restaurant noisy with clattering dishes or sounds from the kitchen? Is there soothing background music?
4. Are buffets attractively presented and kept stocked during the entire meal?
5. Is there a minimum of foot traffic by your table?
6. Is the waiter or waitress easy to hail when needed? Do they hang around the table while you are eating? Do you feel rushed?
7. Can you read the menu easily? Must you speak fluent French to read it?
8. Are there fresh flowers on the table? A fresh tablecloth? Clean silverware?
9. Do you feel comfortable and welcomed? Are you seated within a reasonable amount of time? Are you seated immediately when you make a reservation?
10. Is the meal presented attractively? Is it nutritious? Does the main course arrive before you've finished your salad or soup?
11. Are you badgered by the cocktail waitress?
12. How is the lighting? Can you see your dinner partner?
13. Does the waiter or waitress take care of the paying of the bill smoothly with a minimum of fuss?

Your answers will determine whether you will make a return visit and any good restaurant operator knows it. If you have a complaint, voice it quietly but firmly to the management and expect a reasonable response. – From The Salinas Californian, 1979

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomacy Dealing with Drunkeness

“‘We mustn't offend him,’ said the proprietor. ‘I'll tell you what to do.’ Then he whispered to the head waiter, and went away. The head waiter called a waiter and in turn whispered to him. Then he went away…” — Restaurant wait staff, circa 1900 

“I know now why one Tenderloin restaurant keeper is successful,” remarked a Wall street broker the other day. “I was in the main dining room at 6 o'clock one evening with a party of men. We noticed a little commotion near the entrance, and saw that it was caused by the arrival of a well-dressed, good-natured looking man, whose bearing showed that he had been out with the boys. He wasn't noisy or offensive, but he couldn't have walked a chalk line if his life had depended on it.

“He came down the room in an uncertain way, shelled off his overcoat, put it with his hat on a chair, sat down, folded his arms on the table, and went to sleep. The waiters looked at him and ran after the head waiter. The latter walked up to the sleeping man, as though he intended to awaken him. Then he stopped and called a waiter.

“‘Go for the proprietor,’ he said. The proprietor came. ‘That's so-and-so,’ said the head waiter. ‘He's a good customer, but he's very drunk, and he's gone fast asleep. What shall I do? Shall I wake him up?’

“‘We mustn't offend him,’ said the proprietor. ‘I'll tell you what to do.’ Then he whispered to the head waiter, and went away. The head waiter called a waiter and in turn whispered to him. Then he went away.

“The waiter went to the china pantry and came back with a finger bowl. This he put on the table where the sleeping man was. In doing so he rubbed the fingers of the sleeper. The man straightened up and opened his eyes. The boy was not looking at him, but had picked up the water bottle and was filling the finger bowl. In doing so he knocked the bowl with the bottle so that it rang like a bell. 

“The drunken man looked at it with brightening eyes. The boy paid no attention to him, but shook out a napkin which he laid beside the finger bowl. By this time the drunken man was fully awake. The boy took up his overcoat and stood respectfully at one side as if waiting for the man to rise.

“The drunken man put his hands in the finger bowl, dried his fingers on the napkin and rosе. The boy was behind him in a moment, and in another the overcoat was on the man’s back, his hat was in his hand, and he was headed for the door. He put his hand into his pocket, slipped a coin to the boy, and walked out.

“Now, that restaurant keeper is a great man. He's a diplomat. No trouble, no noise, no row, everyone satisfied and happy. That fellow ought to be an ambassador. He'd make a success of anything.” — New York Sun, 1901

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia