Gilded Age British Etiquette – The Lady

There are nowadays plenty of spinsters—and young spinsters, too —who insist on being addressed as “Mrs.;” and at one or two places in Sussex, curiously enough, the married lady is “Miss” and the unmarried lady receives the title of “Mrs.” – An advertising page from an 1892 “The Lady”

Miss or Mrs.? 

All women out of their teens are entitled to be styled “Mistress.” “Miss” is merely a diminutive, and is properly confined to young girls, just as “Master” is commonly confined to school boys. In the days of Pope, “Mrs.” was the common appellation of unmarried ladies. Sir Walter Scott, too, speaks of Joanna (unmarried) as Mrs. Joanna Baillie. There are nowadays plenty of spinsters—and young spinsters, too —who insist on being addressed as “Mrs.;” and at one or two places in Sussex, curiously enough, the married lady is “Miss” and the unmarried lady receives the title of “Mrs.” 

The same custom is found in many parts of Ireland. The form “Mrs.” was at one time applied indifferently to persons at all ages. Among servants generally, the cook, whether married or single, expects to be called “Mrs.” So do housekeepers, though unmarried. In point of fact, Mrs. or Mistress is a title of respect that the plain “Miss” is devoid of. Why actresses who are married women should seek to disguise that fact by allowing the misleading prefix of “Miss” to be attached to their names is a mystery that admits of no intelligible explanation.—The Lady, 1892

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Offensive Terminology

This question isn’t about a child’s card game, but the label that unmarried women above the age of 24 or 25 years old acquired socially, from the 17th C. onward.— Is the term “Old Maid” offensive? In many circles and in Etiquipedia’s mind, yes! But “spinster” or “thornback” are even more offensive than “old maid.” 

Gallant Defense of Old Maids

Alderman Donahue of Wilkesbarre, Pa., rises to the defense of the maiden lady of advancing years and declares it a criminal offense to call her “old maid.” Thus the gallant Alderman: A woman has a perfect right to be an old maid if she wishes. It takes considerable courage to be one. Any old thing can get a man these days and marry him, and yet women who, rather than lose their independence, remain unmarried are called old maids. Instead of being frowned upon they should be applauded. They are more to be honored than pitied. Therefore the Alderman held it a breach of the peace to call an elderly unmarried woman by this injurious name. 

To be sure, the magistrate’s reasoning is a little confused, because on his own showing the name should be a guerdon of honor rather than a term of reproach; but it may be presumed that it is the malicious intent of the offender, that he reprobates in such striking language. But now that Alderman Donahue has laid down the law, the gospel and the etiquette and set us all right, what of the future? It is the difference between flattering unction and throwing a brick. It would be embarrassing and annoying to go to jail for the use of a term of endearment. – San Francisco Call, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia