More 1931 Etiquette of Weddings

Many wedding etiquette rules became a “matter of choice” or a “matter of taste”, both became synonymous with “matter of finances,” after WWI, the Spanish Flu or Great Influenza, and the Great Depression. Weddings became scaled back and less formal affairs throughout the United States for the majority of brides and bridegrooms, as even families who had a bit of money didn’t want to appear “showy” or “ostentatious” to their less fortunate neighbors or family members. Big weddings with all of the traditional frills, did not really come back into vogue until the mid-1950’s and early 1960’s. – A post-WWII, small California town wedding, circa 1946-1947

 

Question: Do bride and bridesmaids wear gloves?
Answer: This is solely a matter of choice.

Question: Who gives the bride away if she has no father?
Answer: Any male relative or a family friend. Sometimes the mother gives her daughter away.

Question: Should there be an exchange of wedding rings?
Answer: This again is a matter of taste and not of etiquette.

– Imperial Valley Press, 1931

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Gloves and Napkin

Etiquipedia agrees with Emily Post on this matter!  — “Ladies always wear gloves to formal dinners and take them off at table. Entirely off. It is hideous to leave them on the arm, merely turning back the hands.”

Ladies always wear gloves to formal dinners and take them off at table. Entirely off. It is hideous to leave them on the arm, merely turning back the hands. Both gloves and fan are supposed to be laid across the lap, and one is supposed to lay the napkin folded once in half across the lap too, on top of the gloves and fan, and all three are supposed to stay in place on a slippery satin skirt on a little lap, that more often than not slants downward.

It is all very well for etiquette to say "They stay there," but every woman knows they don't! And this is quite a nice question: If you obey etiquette and lay the napkin on top of the fan and gloves loosely across your satin-covered knees, it will depend merely upon the heaviness and position of the fan's handle, whether the avalanche starts right, left or forward, onto the floor. 

There is just one way to keep these four articles (including the lap as one) from disintegrating, which is to put the napkin cornerwise across your knees and tuck the two side corners under like a lap robe, with the gloves and the fan tied in place as it were. This ought not to be put in a book of etiquette, which should say you must do nothing of the kind, but it is either do that or have the gentleman next you groping under the table at the end of the meal; and it is impossible to imagine that etiquette should wish to conserve the picture of "gentlemen on all fours" as the concluding ceremonial at dinners. — From Emily Post in “Etiquette,” 1922

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How to Wear Gloves Properly

 

“During her early years as an etiquette writer, the late Emily Post advised women to put their gloves on before they stepped out of their homes. She later conceded that there were times when gloves were not necessary. Today, the rules are greatly relaxed, but gloves should be worn when going to a formal luncheon, dinner, reception or dance. They are de rigueur on the streets of large towns and cities. They should be worn to and from church.”—1962

Wardrobe Of Gloves Suggested

ALTHOUGH wildly colored or printed gloves crop up periodically in fashion, authorities on etiquette agree that they are rarely correct. The arbiters favor classic gloves in subdued shades. They wince when they are confronted with what one of them calls “weird” materials such as silver or gold lame, fancy embroidery, or costumes in which the hat, handbag, shoes and gloves are of a matching color. 

Gloves, these arbiters maintain, are part of the background. They should not be a focal point. As a result, a good glove wardrobe for street and evening wear often is organized around neutral colors — beige, gray, black, white, navy and brown.

During her early years as an etiquette writer, the late Emily Post advised women to put their gloves on before they stepped out of their homes. She later conceded that there were times when gloves were not necessary. Today, the rules are greatly relaxed, but gloves should be worn when going to a formal luncheon, dinner, reception or dance. They are de rigueur on the streets of large towns and cities. They should be worn to and from church.

Short Gloves Removed

Generally, gloves should be removed before a woman smokes, eats, drinks, puts on make-up or handles merchandise in a shop. Long, elbow-length gloves, often worn to formal dinners and dances, are treated differently. They may be left on for dancing, or unbuttoned at the wrist and the finger-ends tucked into the wrist opening, whenever a woman smokes or drinks. They should always be completely removed when a woman sits down to dinner.


Gloves are worn when a woman shakes hands, either as the hostess, or guests in the receiving line at a formal reception. It is suitable to wear bracelets over long gloves, but rings should be worn under, never over, any kind of gloves. Gloves are made in a variety of lengths. Two-button gloves are wrist length. Four-button are bracelet length. Eight-button come to the elbow. The longest gloves, worn with evening gowns, come within an inch or two of the shoulder.


Shorter lengths usually are worn with longer sleeves and vice versa. Very short gloves, which are young looking, are sometimes worn with sleeveless dresses in the summertime. Elbow-length gloves are often worn crushed, not full length, to fill the space between the hand and a longer sleeve. 

Color consultants favor gloves in a shade that is paler or darker than the clothes it with which they are to be worn. White gloves are the late-day gloves, except in some warm climates and in some cities in the summer. Black kid gloves start in the morning and go all the way through the evening. A general rule one fashion advisor advocates is polished leather gloves– kid or glacé– with tweeds, mohairs and lusterless fabrics. — The New York Times, 1962

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Donning Gloves

An 1879 patent design for a new 3-button glove — “First work on the fingers, keeping the thumb outside of the glove, and the wrist of the glove turned back. When the fingers are in smoothly, put in the thumb and work the glove on very carefully, then placing the elbow on the knee, work on the hand. When this is done, smooth down the wrist and button the second button first, then the third, and so on to the end. Then smooth down the whole glove, and fasten the first button.”

A great deal depends on the first putting on of gloves. Have the hands perfectly clean, dry and cool, and never put on new gloves while the hands are warm or damp. Where a person is troubled with moist hands, it is well to powder them before trying on the gloves; but in most cases, if the hands are dry and cool, this is not needed. 

First work on the fingers, keeping the thumb outside of the glove, and the wrist of the glove turned back. When the fingers are in smoothly, put in the thumb and work the glove on very carefully, then placing the elbow on the knee, work on the hand. When this is done, smooth down the wrist and button the second button first, then the third, and so on to the end. Then smooth down the whole glove, and fasten the first button. 

Fastening the first button last when putting on a glove for the first time, makes a good deal of difference in the fit. although it may seem but a very little thing. It does not strain the part of the glove that is the easiest to strain at first, and prevents the enlarging of the button-holes, either of which is sure to take place if you begin at the first button to fasten the glove. 

When removing gloves, never commence at the tips of the fingers to pull them off, but turn back the wrist and pull off carefully, which will of course, necessitate their being wrong side out. Then turn them right side out, turn the thumb in, smooth them out lengthwise in as near as possible the shape they would be in if on the hands, and place away with a strip of white canton flannel between if the gloves are light, but if dark colored, the flannel may be omitted. 

Never roll gloves into each other in a wad, for they will never look well after. There is always some moisture in them from the hands; consequently when rolled up this moisture has no chance of drying, and must work into the gloves, making them hard and stiff, and of very little use after, as far as looks or fit are concerned.— The Boston Budget, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Glove History and Etiquette Facts

During the Dark Ages only men wore them. Ladies needed permission from the King to put on gloves. But Catherine di Medici changed all that. Thereafter, gloves became a status symbol among women, with England's Queen Elizabeth I emphasizing her status with more than 2,000 pairs. Today a woman shopping has almost as many kinds, lengths and colors to choose from. And gloves very definitely mark her fashion status.

Do You Have Your Fashion Status Well in Hand?

Choosing a pair of gloves to go with your costume is like selecting a sauce for a very good dish. The wrong choice can spoil everything. Yet ladies can be thankful for such a dilemma because wearing gloves marks their improved position in a man's world.

During the Dark Ages only men wore them. Ladies needed permission from the King to put on gloves. But Catherine di Medici changed all that. Thereafter, gloves became a status symbol among women, with England's Queen Elizabeth I emphasizing her status with more than 2,000 pairs. Today a woman shopping has almost as many kinds, lengths and colors to choose from. And gloves very definitely mark her fashion status.

In vogue are sleeveless dresses topped by sleeveless or short-armed jackets or coats, all of which require gloves to make up the fabric deficit. Glove length is described in terms of buttons (a measuring idea the French devised) even though the gloves often may lack buttons altogether. Each button corresponds to an inch measuring from the lowest part of the thumb seam to the cuff of the glove.

Here are the kinds of gloves your accessory wardrobe should Include:

SHORTY - It stops at the wrist where it may or may not be fastened with a button. The most versatile of all lengths, it looks as well with sleeveless dresses as with long sleeved coats. The trim, style and material determines whether the gloves should be worn with dressy, tailored, day or evening clothes.

SLIP-ON - Primarily a daytime glove, it has no fastening and ranges from three to five button lengths.

GAUNTLET - It Is four to six buttons in length, has a flared cuff, and is pull-on In style. It, too, is primarily a daytime glove.

MOUSQUETAIRE - Lengths range from 8 to 20 buttons and have a buttoned opening on the inner side of the wrist. It is for dressy or formal wear with dresses.

THE PULL-ONS - The length also range from 8 to 16 buttons. They have no opening or fastening. The elbow length size, about 12 buttons (or longer If worn crushed below the elbow) is the season's most popular length because they take up where cape sleeved, or elbow length, sleeves on new style coats leave off. Longer pull-ons are restricted to evening wear.

A mere 75 years ago the act of pulling on long gloves was considered to be too intimate to be done in the presence of a gentleman. Today ladies slip them on and off as unblushingly and as casually as hats. Generally speaking, except on formal occasions when a long glove is an integral part of the ensemble, gloves are removed soon after entering a home, theater or restaurant. At a party it is not correct to do more than sip from a glass with gloves on. However, etiquette today no longer requires a woman to remove her gloves before shaking hands. — The Sun, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Men’s Glove Etiquette

In the “bad old days” it was a capital offense to shake a woman’s hand with your glove on.

Male Polish – Good Taste Dictates Glove Etiquette

By Dot Goodwin

Dressing right is always a partly subjective proposition and in our era a lot of the old rigid “rules of dress” have been loosely treated and lightly taken. As a result, many “must” matters are now matters of taste. Take gloves. It's possible today to go gloveless and still be thought well dressed (except on formal occasions such as weddings where gloves are strictly required). Gloves, like hats, have dropped from the “necessary” to the “optional” class. But with the best-dressed men, and with those who put even a little extra time and thought into their wardrobes, both gloves and hats are indispensible throughout the winter months. 

“What gloves do I wear, and when?” Here are a few guideposts: 

Buck leather or dark gray suede gloves look best with gray or black coats. 

With a navy blue coat, pearl gray suede gloves are the ultimate in good dress. With coats in the brown group (including tan and beige), wear brown leather. In general, contrast the glove shade against that of the coat. 

For example, with a light tan or copper pepper-and-salt tweed, dark, grained pigskin gloves are in order. Note that this combination unites a casual coat with a casual leather. With a solid color or quiet herringbone topcoat, pick a more formal, smooth leather or suede. 

In the bad old days, it was a capital offense to shake a woman’s hand with your glove on. Not so today. Manners have become jet-propelled. It’s now far worse to keep a woman waiting while you shuck off your glove than to shake with it on. Nor should you apologize for a begloved shake. In truth, you're doing HER the favor by not dawdling. 

It’s unnecessary to remove your gloves when shaking a man’s hand. Indoors, you will have shed the things anyhow, leaving them with your hat. In the case of white-gloved ushers at weddings and funerals, of course, the gloves stay on. – The Sun, 1963 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Gloves at Tea

If one lady goes to call upon another a short afternoon visit, not one where she is staying at tea, she would not think it necessary to take off her gloves just for the purpose of shaking hands. The impulse of a younger woman coming up to a tea-table where her older hostess is pouring out teas, is to unglove before touching her hand.

Q.  Is it proper for a lady to remove her gloves before shaking hands with any one? Also what about the gentleman in this case? This is a little bet I read your paper and will see your answer when you find it convenient to reply. – “H.G.”

A.  Just regard it from the simple, common sense point of view and you can easily see that it is a question of circumstances. If one lady meets another lady walking, it would be entirely unnecessary for them both to unglove before shaking hands. If one lady goes to call upon another a short afternoon visit, not one where she is staying at tea, she would not think it necessary to take off her gloves just for the purpose of shaking hands. The impulse of a younger woman coming up to a tea-table where her older hostess is pouring out teas, is to unglove before touching her hand. 

The idea behind this is not to take with your gloved hand, the hand of your elder that is bare and busy among eatables. But no particular rule would be broken if you came in just to say a few words, meaning to depart without eating or drinking, and did not take off your glove. Women would not take off a glove to shake hands with men. Men always should, if possible, when shaking hands with women. I don't mean, again, that gloved hand may not meet gloved hand in the street, but that a man takes his glove off to touch a woman's bare hand on entering her house. 

Questions about gloves are asked often in these days, because many women are new to the wearing of evening gloves. When gloves are worn with evening dress they are not taken off at all except when eating. Then they are to be taken off entirely. They always look awkward when tucked in at the wrist. – San Bernardino Sun, 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Women’s New Year Glove Etiquette

There is no hand clasp like the bare one. In one's own home, the extended hand should be gloveless.

Edwardian Etiquette for Gloves 

and the New Year

It is in the height of etiquette to go without gloves at the New Year reception, for there is no hand clasp like the bare one. In one's own home, the extended hand should be gloveless. Still, there are hostesses who wear long gloves New Year's day, and for them there are the gloves with handsomely trimmed tops. 

There is this about the long glove— that it comes well up toward the shoulder and sort of dresses up the arm and is becoming. Another has a top trimmed with applique put on to make a still upper part. A third has a lace top with the kid cut out underneath the lace, while there is another style that has the embroidered top, the roses coming out in full relief of color against the kid background. It is difficult to purchase such gloves ready made, but they can be ordered to match one's costume. – San Francisco Call, December, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Royal Dinner Etiquette

An etiquette conundrum – Either this screen shot shows that the t.v. series “Victoria” is historically inaccurate, as she is not wearing her gloves (a breach of etiquette, but Queen Victoria’s poor etiquette was well known and expected for the television show) or this is a historically inaccurate portrayal of a Royal state banquet. And what on earth is that crumpled napkin doing on the table? – “The Queen never removes her gloves during dinner, except at state banquets. This is a singular piece of etiquette, and one would think that it would be exactly the reverse. Her gloves are new, of white kid, embroidered with black, never worn but once, and become, after using, the perquisites of the Ladies-in-Waiting.” 

Royal Dinners

Peeps at the Tables Where Things Are Served in State

 

The strict ceremonial of dinners of Queen Victoria has not changed since her assumption of the throne. A quarter of an hour before the time fixed for the repast —generally 8 o'clock—all the party invited to dine with the Queen meet in the Grand Salon and form themselves into a half circle about the door where she is expected to enter. The Queen, on entering, makes a beautiful courtesy (for which she is reknowned), then bows to the gentlemen, and gives her hand to the ladies, who courtesy deeply. She then goes in first to the table, accompanied generally by one of her sons. If any Imperial or Royal person is present, he sits at her right hand. But even in the case of General Grant she placed the Princess Beatrice between them. 

The Queen never removes her gloves during dinner, except at state banquets. This is a singular piece of etiquette, and one would think that it would be exactly the reverse. Her gloves are new, of white kid, embroidered with black, never worn but once, and become, after using, the perquisites of the Ladies-in-Waiting. The Queen has a small but beautiful hand. As soon as she has finished a certain “plat” everyone else stops eating of it, as when she finishes her fish everyone else stops eating fish, etc... After she has spoken to her guests on either side, conversation may become general, but in a subdued tone, always deferring to the sovereign. Sir Arthur Helps, who was her Private Secretary, used to tell an amusing anecdote of being snubbed by her for telling a rather funny story down the table, among the Ladies-in-Waiting, to relieve the monotony of a dreary dinner, when the Queen remarked: “What is it? We are not amused.” She has, however, a love for fun, and sometimes laughs heartily. 

The dinners at the Quirinal Palace in Italy are far more simple as to etiquette. The same formality is observed in the entrance of the King and Queen, but the conversation is more general and the Queen does not wear her gloves. She converses in English fluently. The King only speaks Italian and French, so the conversation is generally in those two languages. French, of course, is supposed to be a universal language. The dinners of Germany are not long, but they are formal and tedious, and the cooking does not commend itself to all tastes. The perfection of a dinner is found in London, generally at the house of Ambassadors, who combine the Excellencies of all nations with the follies of none. After asking the consent of the ladies present, the Italian and Turkish embassies allow the smoking of cigarettes between the salad and dessert. This fashion prevails in France and Russia, ladies smoking quite freely as men. 

The dinners of the Czar and the richer Russian Princes are models of their kind. It was the Russians who invented the idea of serving the dishes all from the outside; hence a service à la Russe, which prevents the tablecloth from being smeared with gravy and other greasy substances. The choice porcelain and glass, the gold and silver, beautiful ornaments— these are the wonder of all travelers who visit Russia. The old fashion has returned again of a sort of elevated tray, or little table in the middle of the table, on which are placed the choice silver jugs, ornamented pieces, and the flowers, fruits, candied fruits — indeed, the ornamental pieces of the dinner. This sort of tray, to be at its best, should be of inlaid wood, bound in silver, and of the time of Louis Quinze. A real antique of this kind is highly prized in France, England and Italy. For the breakfast-table a rotating round china standard, in two parts for the jam, honey, butter, powdered sugar, potted meats, etc., and other belongings of a breakfast, is almost universal in England.— Harpers Bazar, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Dinner-Sleeve Etiquette Fad

“Just think... I will be a trendsetter a hundred years from now!” – Long before pop singer Madonna made fingerless gloves fashionable in the 1980’s, they were a staple of the British Regency Era women’s wardrobe. They briefly became a dinner party fad of the Gilded Age.

A New “Dinner Sleeve?”

“The most curious sleeve ever designed for fashionable women is the new dinner sleeve, which forms an old fashioned mitt when it reaches the hand, serving as a sleeve and glove in one. It just covers the knuckles, allowing the rings to show to great advantage.” — The Pittsburg Dispatch, 1899

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Men's Fashion Etiquette

The top garment of formal occasions, the Inverness Cape, is easily donned or doffed, being loose fitting and graceful in hang.

When to Wear Them

The White Lawn Cravat—Always upon occasions when the swallowtail is worn.

The High Silk Hat—Always with the double breasted frock coat and swallowtail. It is apropos also with the frock cut away coat.

Gloves—At all times en promenade, especially when walking. The glove is also to be informally worn on every clear, cool day in the year.

The Inverness Cape—At night over the dress suit. The top garment of formal occasions, it is easily donned or doffed, being loose fitting and graceful in hang.

The Full Dress Coat—From 6 p. m.—being the earliest dinner hour—just so long into the next day as the festivities continue. It is the impregnable and inexorable garment of fashionable times.

The Cane —Not during business hours nor with evening dress. In point of etiquette, the cane is essentially an adjunct of outdoor exercise, and can have no application with the more formal functions of social life. —Clothier and Furnisher, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Era Dress Etiquette

Flowers and frills are out of place in an office or about the streets in the morning. A tailored coat and skirt, with a plain hat and a neat shirt blouse always look well and convey the impression that you are a good woman of business.

The Etiquette of Dress

“I DON'T know what to put on for this occasion. I wish I knew what the other people will be wearing!” says many a puzzled girl as she overhauls her wardrobe with a view to making herself look as nice as possible for some social or business event. 

For dinner at a private house it is correct to wear evening dress, unless your hostess has given you a hint to the contrary. Perhaps she has said in her invitation, “Don’t dress,” and in that case you will wear a pretty, light blouse, or a dainty afternoon frock. But if she has said nothing, you should wear evening dress and gloves, unless you happen to know that the dinner is quite a family matter, in which case the gloves may be dispensed with. 

For a theater or concert, you should wear a stylish gown, cut high or low, as you wish, an evening cloak, gloves and no hat. Hats are occasionally worn in theaters, but unless they are very elaborate ones, they do not look well, and in any case they are apt to prove troublesome. The same costume is correct for a bridge party, an evening “at home” or a dinner at a restaurant. 

For a dance, wear the prettiest low-necked evening dress that you possess, with jewels or flowers. For a wedding an up-to-date afternoon toilette, with a long skirt and a pretty hat, is the correct thing. The same costume is correct for an afternoon “at home,” an afternoon bridge party or a garden party. For a call, a nice walking suit looks best. A rather elaborate coat and skirt, with a stylish hat and a dainty blouse, is always safe to choose. When paying a first call be particular about your dress or your hostess, who does not know you, is likely to think that you regard her as unworthy of consideration. 

For a morning call or business interview let all your dress be as neat and plain as possible. Flowers and frills are out of place in an office or about the streets in the morning. A tailored coat and skirt, with a plain hat and a neat shirt blouse always look well and convey the impression that you are a good woman of business. — Los Angeles Herald, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Women's Gloves

Depiction of a “glove fitting” from 1906 ~ “The average store is sadly deficient in facilities for trying on gloves, and also in the attention paid to fittings.”
– From Shoe and Leather Journal, 1905

Glove Etiquette in Period Dramas from Miss Manners –

"The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for “class.” Miss Manners pities the laborers who were taxed with cleaning those gloves afterward. 

(You are correct that) gloves are worn during dancing, but they had to be removed before touching any refreshments. This was a good argument against drinking when dancing. It would serve Miss Manners right if, after obeying her strict command to remove your gloves, you handed them to her. You might reasonably point out that ball dresses unaccountably lack pockets, and are cunningly constructed so that gloves placed on them when the wearer is seated slip off the lap, thus requiring the wearer’s unfortunate dinner partner to crawl under the table to fetch them. 

If you cannot cram your gloves into your tiny evening bag, where we hope there is no makeup on the loose, you must hold them with your free hand when eating or drinking while you are standing. At dinner, she suggests surreptitiously sitting on them, but please don’t tell anyone she said so." – Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners

Incorrect! Lady Edith sits at the table with gloved hands and a glass of champagne beside her.

More Glove Etiquette:

• Don’t eat, drink, or smoke with gloves on.
• Don’t play cards with gloves on.
• Don’t apply makeup with gloves on.
• Don’t wear jewelry over gloves, with the exception of bracelets.
• Don’t make a habit of carrying your gloves 
• Don't play musical instruments while wearing gloves

Glove Etiquette Violations 

in Period Dramas

A beautiful woman, but the gloves and cigarette, shout, "Tacky!"

All in that attempt to add what “passes for class...” Two much! Two faux pas for the price of one. Both a cigarette and a drink in gloved hands. Both etiquette “no-nos.”

Terribly tacky! Gloves that unbutton... for when a woman wants to throw that drink back or gobble some bon bons, without looking “incorrect.” A fail.

Gloved ones violating etiquette while having tea. Downton Abbey is a repeat “glove etiquette offender” over its six seasons.

It is hard to find examples of someone playing an instrument in gloves, who is not a cartoon character or a cabaret act. So with regard to etiquette, wearing gloves while to playing the piano, is an etiquette “don't.”

Wearing gloves while eating or drinking is a violation of good manners, but...

So is not wearing gloves! To not wear gloves while dancing in the Regency Era, would find a young woman shunned by “good society.”

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tea Styles

High Tea is also sometimes confused with the teas that King Edward VII hosted during his reign from 1901-1910. Edward had so many meals in his daily schedule he had to change everyone else’s schedules. Famous for his huge appetite, Edward ate no less than 12 courses at dinner and is responsible for adding “appetizers” to the dinner menus of British society.

Just Some of the Different Styles Of “Teas” Held, or Given, for the Enjoyment of this Popular Beverage

Around 1800, when tea was very expensive and kept in locked containers called "tea caddy boxes," special tea caddy spoons were designed and kept with the tea. Tea caddy spoons were popular gifts and often engraved for special events. 

·The High Tea:  In the past, "High Tea" was considered the tea of the working-class rather than the tea of the elite. This tea was a hearty affair. Meat pies, rarebit, shepherd's pies, slices of roast, sausage, vegetables, casseroles, puddings, and heavy desserts and other dinner time staples usually made with leftovers were commonly served.  

The term “High” came about because the tea meal was taken at a high dining table, or with high back chairs all around a table. This was to distinguish the meal from the Afternoon Tea that was taken at low tables.  

In recent years, High Tea has become a term for elaborate Afternoon Tea, though this is an American usage and mainly unrecognized in Britain (with the exception of some London hotels, catering to tourists.) It is usually served between 5:00 pm and 8:00 pm.  

High Tea is also sometimes confused with the teas that King Edward VII hosted during his reign from 1901-1910. Edward had so many meals in his daily schedule he had to change everyone else’s schedules. His dinner time was pushed forward another hour or so to 8:30 pm or 9:00 pm. High Tea could now be held even later in the afternoon.

Known for his huge appetite, the King ate no less than 12 courses at dinner and is responsible for adding “appetizers” to the dinner menus of British society. This change brought it closer in line to what most Americans think of as a dinner time (around 5:00 pm). 

·The Formal Afternoon Tea: A "Formal Afternoon Tea" is an elaborate affair with white linens, silver, hats and gloves, bone china, and several different types of tea. Darjeeling and Ceylon varieties are suggested for this teatime. Tea fare consists of scones, at least four varieties of savories, and beautiful finger desserts or petits fours, presented on three-tiered racks, often buffet style. 

Traditional service time is 4:00 pm, however any time between 2:00 pm and 5:00 pm is appropriate. (Please remember that proper etiquette dictates one remove those gloves before eating or drinking anything!) 

Tea fare consists of scones, at least four varieties of savories, and beautiful finger desserts or petits fours, presented on three-tiered racks, often buffet style. 

·The Afternoon Tea or The Low Tea: An Afternoon Tea or "Low Tea" is designed to enhance social skills and usually is served in fine fashion and in several courses. Some believe the term “Low Tea” may come from the fact that hotels have traditionally used low tables in their lobbies to hold the foods and tea service presented at afternoon teas. 

This full-tea service includes scones, savories, and a variety of petits fours. It is traditionally served at 4:00 pm, however, any time between 2:00 pm and 5:00 pm is appropriate.

·The Special Event and/or The Seasonal Tea: These teas are designed for a season, occasion, or personal style for the hostess or honored guest. Although these teas require more planning, they also provide an opportunity for creativity in themes, menus, table settings, favors and invitations. Examples include; bridal teas, sweetheart teas, Christmas teas, harvest teas, baby shower teas, business teas, retirement teas, graduation teas, garden teas, and benefit teas.

·The Cream Tea: These Cream Teas are fondly known as afternoon "sweet-tooth teas" in some circles. They feature heavy, clotted cream from Devonshire, that is slathered on scones, rather than any cream added to the tea. 

Cream is much too rich to accompany tea, as it will curdle; milk is the preferred addition. Besides scones, this tea includes fresh fruits, berries in season, and cake. Cream Teas are traditionally served from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm.
                          

No pinky finger thrust out here. Perfectly lovely!

·The Brunch Tea: A hearty tea, Brunch Tea is a wonderful way to start the day. A Brunch Tea usually offers an egg dish, fresh fruit, or pasties which are light on sugar content. This is the perfect time to seek a hearty breakfast tea, since the traditional time is from10:00 am to 1:00 pm.

·The Teddy Bear Tea: This special tea, (in actuality, it is hot chocolate), was prepared by nannies for their young charges. The children would scurry off to their quarters to play with their favorite dolls or bears and sip hot chocolate while munching on goodies from the adults’ tea table.

·The “Elevenses”: The term “Elevenses” is a British version of the American office "coffee break," between 10am and 11am in the morning. The coffee break originated from the old "Second Breakfast" of European immigrants to the United States. In Britain, a tea cart with tea, crumpets, scones, or cinnamon toast is wheeled in for the break.

A post script: Remember...  one drinks tea. One does not take tea. During the Victorian era, the term to take tea was used by the under classes and considered a vulgar expression by the upper classes.

Contributor Bernadette Petrotta is the Director and founder of The Polite Society School of Etiquette. Her newest book is "The Art and Proper Etiquette of Afternoon Tea." 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Table Etiquette

This post is in honor, and memory, of one of our closest friends and finest contributors, Demita Usher. Her death was sudden and unexpected. Demita had always dreamt of a more polite world, but sadly passed away yesterday. The last post on her blog was the following quote ~ “Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
   

• Gloves are not to be worn at the table under any circumstances. 
• No argumentative, or in any way unpleasant topic, should be broached at the table. 
• There should be no difference between " company manners " and those in daily use. 
• The napkin is not folded, but is simply crushed and laid beside the plate on rising. 
• Coffee may be served at any time during breakfast, but should come at the end of dinner. 
• Do not overload the plate of a guest, or press upon any one that which he has once declined. 
• Remember the maxim of Confucius: "Eat at your own table as you would at the table of the King." 
• Never say or do, or countenance in others the saying or doing, of anything rude or impolite at the table. 
• Never notice or comment upon any accident, but render unobtrusively any assistance which may be necessary and possible. 
• The side of the spoon is to be placed in the mouth, except in the case of a man wearing a moustache, when the point of the spoon leads the way. 
• Where wine is served at dinner it may be declined without breach of courtesy, and should no more than any other article be pressed upon the guest. 
• Teach the children to eat at table with their elders, and do it in a dignified manner. 
• It is impossible to foretell what moment may require them to exemplify their home training. 
• Letters, newspapers or books should never be brought to the table, though a very important message may be received and attended to, permission being asked of the hostess.

—From Good Housekeeping Magazine, 1893

  Rest in peace, Demita. Your smile, enthusiasm and grace will be missed by all who knew you!  

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the "Well Bred"

Though the original, priggish "Dame Grundy" may, or may not, have been a fictional character, one can find her in real life and in period dramas. Titanic's Ruth DeWitt Bukater was so overly pretentious and conscious of everyone's manners around her, she wasn't aware she was breaking a cardinal rule of glove etiquette. Molly Brown may have been viewed as ill-bred and vulgar, but she certainly wasn't having her tea with her gloves on! ~ Countess of Rothes: "Look, here comes that vulgar Brown woman." Ruth DeWitt Bukater : "Quickly, get up before she sits with us!"

Little, things so often indicate good breeding, and the manners of those with whom one associates, that a person can not be too careful in observIng the rules of etiquette. For instance, to say "What?" as an interrogation, when not understanding a remark or question, is considered rude and bad form. It is too brusque, according to the theories of Dame Grundy.   

Curiosity, amusement or disdain? Upon observing the "well-bred," the emotions can sometimes be hard to distinguish.

Either "I beg your pardon" or "well," as an interrogation, is correct, and children, particularly, should be trained on these points. To go in front of a person without saying "Excuse me," denotes carelessness in minor points of breeding; also leaving the room without going through the form of asking permission is a solecism, "Excuse me a moment," if the person is soon returning, is correct, or should the absence be for an indefinite time, "Excuse me" is enough to say. 

To seal an envelope the whole length of the gum on the flap is another trifling matter for which a person is judged unfavorably. Unless the envelope contains an enclosure that might slip through an opening, only the very tip of the flap should be fastened. And, while on the subject of stationery, no two things are more indicative of ill breeding than to put a stamp on the left side of an envelope or, indeed, any place but squarely in the upper right-hand corner; and for a woman to sign her name with a prefix of Mrs. or Miss. to a note or letter, if she wishes to indicate her formal name she should put the prefix in parenthesis beside her name in full, or, in the case of a married woman, she signs her own name with her formal name in brackets beneath, as "Mary Jane Smith." and below, ("Mrs. John James Smith"). This is a form that should never be forgotten. 

 Pride and Prejudice's Elizabeth Bennet found that "nothing was beneath this great lady's (Lady Catherine DeBourgh) attention, which could furnish her with an occasion of dictating to others." The Lady Catherine De Bourgh is another priggish, Dame Grundy, tsk-tsking at every perceived lack of "good breeding."

Leaving a spoon in a tea or coffee cup is not uncommon but it is ill bred, and to butter a whole slice of bread at once and eat from it is another social mistake. The slice must be broken into small pieces and each buttered as it is eaten. Loud talking in public places is vulgar, as it is to push and shoulder in a crowd. If every person would remember his or her manners at such times crowds would cease to be objects for dread. —From The Los Angeles Herald, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia