Television Watching Etiquette

Is it proper for a guest to request a specific show or none at all? When is it all right for TV to be the focus of a social situation? May the television be on during dinner? What about the place of the remote control? What about the volume? —1983 Advertisement for televisions with their sale prices. 

Social propriety of television

MISS MANNERS — IS THERE SUCH a thing as television etiquette? My specific questions relate to TV watching and guests, visiting relatives and the role of the host. When is it proper for a host to ask for quiet from the visitors when watching TV? Does this depend on whether the visitors are relatives or other guests? Does it matter if the situation involves dinner, a casual visit or a transactional situation?

Is it proper for a guest to request a specific show or none at all? When is it all right for TV to be the focus of a social situation? May the television be on during dinner? What about the place of the remote control? What about the volume?

If someone has made an advance call and received permission to visit, and upon arrival is offered a refreshment, is the visitor required to accommodate him/herself to the TV show in progress? Is the regular TV watcher ever expected to alter his/her habits? Or should all socializing with the TV addict take into consideration this affliction?

What about reading and telephone addicts? Is there hope for socializing among people of different TV traditions?

GENTLE READER Not while that thing is on. Please turn it off so that we can converse. Conversation is, in fact, the chief feature (nicely supplemented by food and drink) of all social engagements unless another activity has been announced in advance. You can invite people to watch television or roller skate, play whist, paint the house, spin the bottle, stuff envelopes or but only if you specify the move the piano activity, so that the guest can plead a previous engagement to attend a funeral that day.

The host should be alert to setting the volume at an agreeable level and, unless the invitation specified the program to be watched, consider suggestions on what to watch.

Communal television watching has no point if it does not include the exchange of smart remarks. You can thus only shush people to the extent of saying something like “Hey, wait a minute, I think they're about to announce the results.”

Television watching should not be even an incidental part of any other visiting, unless during a visit that is either long a weekend or more or of such a frequent nature someone who drops by often that the actual socializing is intermittent. The same goes for reading or telephoning. You need not suspend your normal activities for someone who is always there, although Miss Manners assumes here the normal household politeness of checking to see that one is not interfering with the comforts of another.

Mind you, Miss Manners is not condemning the television addicts. All they need do to watch their program uninterrupted is to refrain from inviting people or from agreeing to visits that are proposed to them. She will even forgive them for saying “Oh, I'm so sorry, 8 tonight is a bad time for me I have a firm commitment then, and won't be free until quite late” instead of explaining why they always seem to be tied up during primetime. — By Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, 1983

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Privacy for House Guests

Even a hostess sometimes spoils the privacy of the loveliest of guest chambers by entering it too frequently with inquiries.

When the guest room has an occupant, the children of the household should consider it sacred and should never be allowed to enter or even to knock at its door without first consulting an older head. Even a hostess sometimes spoils the pleasures of the loveliest of guest chambers by entering it too frequently with inquiries. Over entertainment is really worse than none at all. One may assume that a guest may perhaps want to be alone when she seeks her room.–The Morning Union, 1915

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Petra Carsetti’s 10 Commandments of Italian Dinner Party Etiquette

Use utensils correctly: Remember that pasta is not skewered but is lifted with a fork and then brought to the mouth. 

1. Be a good host or hostess: The most important rule is to be welcoming and empathetic. People will remember much more feeling of a beautiful evening spent, than the correct position of the cutlery. 
2. Listen to your table guests: As a good host or hostess, try to steer the conversation so that everyone feels like part of the discussion. Banned topics at the table are health, disease, politics, sports, death. Better to talk about topics that unite and do not divide like time, a journey, a good book, a film, an exhibition ... 
3. Pass to the right: Be ready to pour water and wine, or to pass  dishes to those who sit next to us. Usually it should be the man who does this first, with the woman sitting on his right. 
4. Keep the table clutter free: Mobile phones should not be placed upon, or at the table. (This currently applies to covid masks as well) Mobile phones should be silenced and placed in pockets or handbags. If you receive a call (on silent ringtone) try to answer only for emergencies and do so quietly with minimal disruption at the table. The other guests do not need to hear the whole conversation. 
5. Use good manners: Eat without calling attention to yourself. One should develop good habits like chewing with the mouth closed and not “talking to the bite,” (speaking all the way until another bite of food goes into your mouth,) or playing/gesticulating with the cutlery. 
6. Dine without fuss: Do not blow on hot dishes, but wait a few seconds for them to cool. 
7. Practice good posture: To eat, do not bring your head and mouth toward the plate but bring your food to your mouth, while keeping your posture erect.
8. Don’t rock out: Do not rock back and forth in the chair, but sit composed. Your wrists and hands should be visible on the table, but never your elbows.
9. Use utensils correctly: Remember that pasta is not skewered but is lifted with a fork and then brought to the mouth. 
10. Toast elegantly: Keep your glass rim clean if you are going to make a toast. Use your napkin to dab your mouth, before and after drinking if necessary. Do not clink glasses and please do not say “cin cin.” You can make a more thoughtful toast with your own words and looking in the eyes of the people with whom you are toasting.

Petra Carsetti was born into a gastronomic minded family… true lovers of excellent foods and wines. From an early age she showed a great passion for the table, which she later developed by working in important, well-known Italian restaurants. Since 2005, she has written many books on food and wine, along with guides to Italian restaurants, specializing also in galateo and etiquette at the Accademia Italiana Galateo and ANCEP (the Association of Ceremonialists for Public Institute). She teaches etiquette in schools to adults and children, is a consultant for various political and economic authorities, and she has a weekly column in a historic newspaper. She also writes for various other newspapers, and in September she will come out with her new book, “GalaTime: it is always time for good manners”!

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia