19th C. Widow and Widower Etiquette

If a widower marries a young girl, the etiquette is the same as that of a first marriage.

It is not usual to invite guests to the marriage of a widow. If a widower marries a young girl, the etiquette is the same as that of a first marriage. A widow must marry in the morning early, without show, and has only her witnesses and those of her intended. Her dress must be plain, of quiet color; black, however, is not admissible.

On leaving church the bride invites to breakfast the witnesses who have formed the party, but no other guests are invited to this repast. On the fifteenth day after the marriage, cards are sent bearing the new address of the married pair. A widow never makes wedding calls after remarrying. Those who receive tlie cards do the visiting there is a month allowed for the return of the cards and the visits.  — Demorest's Monthly, 1877

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Anglo-Indian "At Home" Etiquette

The strictly fashionable calling time is between 12:00 and 2:00 every day except Sunday—a relic, it is said, of the past when our grandmothers and grandfathers considered four o’clock the State dinner hour.

Society in Muree is like Indian society in general, in all save the three principal cities. The military element very largely predominates, and in custom much of the etiquette of the first Anglo-Indian communities is retained. Still, English people in India have not yet introduced weekly "at home" days, as in the plains, the strictly fashionable calling time is between 12:00 and 2:00 every day except Sunday—a relic, it is said, of the past when our grandmothers and grandfathers considered four o’clock the State dinner hour. 

At 12:00 punctually therefore, each day the firing of the gun which sets the true time for the station reminds people that they must either be to pay calls or preparing to receive them. Duly at that time, ladies sally forth on their formal duties, regardless of the power of a full tropical sun and the probable chances, even in the hills, of an attack of sunstroke. Those who are of homely dispositions will ask their friends to come and see them in the afternoon, but that has its drawbacks, as tennis parties and other gayeties cause almost the whole station to be “not at home" after 4:30 or 6 o’clock.

The calling hours are, however, not the only alteration in home customs which a new-comer has to observe if she would escape social ostracism, for English etiquette is in some respects, entirely reversed. The last arrival, for instance, has to call upon all the other visitors in the station, unless she happens to be a bride, and in that case she calls nowhere until others have honored her. Other customs, again, of very recent introduction, such as the practice of every lady coming to a hotel making a formal call upon every other lady in the same hotel, are noteworthy, not only for their local peculiarity, but as typifying the extreme of Anglo-Indian society. —London Queen, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia©Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Calling Cards and Visiting

A rare, Unger brothers sterling silver, Art Nouveau period calling card tray

VISITING CARDS

HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling, 

she can leave cards of the husband and sons if it is impossible for them to do so themselves. 

After an entertainment, cards of the family 

can be left for the host and hostess by either 

the wife or any of the daughters. 

(See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD)

LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message of congratulation are left in person, 

nothing should be written on it.

LEAVING IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS. 

Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, although their names may be announced upon entering the drawing-room.

Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided, or give them to the servant at the door. 

MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME 

cards as a woman does, nor to invite his 

friends, by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR 

on his calling card in place of an invitation.

MEN--LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning to town after a long absence, a man should leave cards having his address. When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known by the man, he should send his card to her. 

At the beginning of a season, a man should 

leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. 

These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards. In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and their guest. 

Men of leisure should leave their own cards, while business men can have them left by the women of the family. The corner of the card should not be turned down. 

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant 

and the caller is announced. In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.

What if this card had P.C.C. written at the bottom? “There has been a difference of opinion, too, on the use of capital letters for P. P. C. on visiting-cards, and R . S. V. P. on cards of invitation. Since the time of the Romans large letters have been used for abbreviations, but America now uses small letters, an innovation distasteful to European eyes.” From “All the Year Round” by Charles Dickens, 1882 – P.C.C. stood for the French, ‘Pour Prende Conge’ or ‘To Take Leave’ but many Americans used it for ‘Presents Parting Compliments’

When calling, a man should leave a card 

whether the hostess is at home or not. P. P. C. card's may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort. When a man calls upon a young woman whom a hostess is entertaining, he should leave cards for both. When a man calls upon another man, if he is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him. If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards--one for each. 

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man 

should leave a card the day after a breakfast, 

luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, 

whether the invitation was accepted or not. 

They may also be sent by mail or messenger, 

with an apology for so doing. 

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving 

an invitation to a subscription ball, a man 

should leave a card for the patroness inviting 

him. 

DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a man should leave cards for her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.

Gilded Age advertisement for calling cards 

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It can be sent by mail or messenger. 

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive 

together, a man should leave one card for both, and if not present at the reception, he should send two cards. 

THEATRE. After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted or leave his card. 

WEDDING RECEPTION. After a wedding reception a man should leave a card for the host and hostess, and another for the bridal 

couple. If a man has been invited to the church 

but not to the wedding reception, he should 

leave a card for the bride's parents and the

bridal couple, or should mail a card.

Lovely Gilded Age calling card tray with a bird motif 

SENDING BY MAIL, OR MESSENGER. After an 

entertainment a man should call in person on 

host and hostess, whether the invitation was 

accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent, it should be accompanied with an apology. 

At the beginning of the season a man should leave cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the household or only two cards. In the former case, there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and the guest. 

If a man is unable to make a formal call upon a debutante and her mother at her debut, he should send his card by mail or messenger. A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants. 

Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see. The address should be written on them.

“Ohio Card Company” samples 

AFTERNOON TEA. If a man is unable to be 

present at an afternoon tea, he should send a 

card the same afternoon. 

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man 

should leave a card the day after a breakfast, 

luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, 

whether the invitation was accepted or not. 

They may be sent by mail or messenger with 

an apology for so doing. – The Book of Manners

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