Boarding House Etiquette Humor

There are so many humorous news articles and so much ephemera on Boarding House manners and etiquette, living in one must have been challenging to those well versed in proper behavior. The above is from a late-1800’s post card. — “One of the refinements of table etiquette, in a boarding-bouse, is to inform the Landlady and your fellow-boarders when you've had enough to eat. The most delicate and approved manner of doing this is to tilt yourself back in the chair, spread your feet, yawn, stretch yourself, with both arms in the air, and wind up with a hearty grunt. Any gentleman who perfects himself in the practice of these rules of table etiquette would feel at home at a royal banquet at the court of St. James.”

The following observations concerning table etiquette in boarding-houses are worth committing to memory: 

ENTERING THE ROOM

If the door is ordinarily kept open, slam it shut after you ; if ordinarily kept closed, always leave it open. While approaching your place, regulate your gait so that you can carefully inspect every dish on the table before reaching your chair.

TAKING YOUR SEAT. 

In jerking out your chair, always knock it against another. If you're hungry; or in a great hurry, set your chair two teet from the table, so that you may get your mouth within four inches of your plate, and shovel the food in without loss of time. If you're not hungry , or not in a hurry, draw your chair close, so that you may rest both elbows on the table. In either case, if a lady occupies an adjoining seat, never fail to put one leg of your chair upon her skirts — it will attract her attention toward you as she rises.

GETTING HELPED AND HELPING YOURSELF. 

Presuming you are hungry— waste no time in recognizing the landlady, or any of your fellow-boarders but keep your eye on the waiters and call for two of them, at least. The instant you get soup, order fish; and when the fish is brought, order two kinds of meat — on different plates. (Something might give out, you know.) If you are smart, you can generally manage to help yourself to vegetables. The strong point on vegetables is to keep a dish of each within reaching distance; but sometimes you have to watch mighty close to preserve the best arranged semi-circle of vegetable dishes. 

If you are so unfortunate as to be beyond the reach of a castor, you must resort to strategy, and get a bottle from one and another, until you surround your plate with the desirable assortment of condiments. Never take salt from the cellar and put it on the table cloth, or upon the edge of your plate ; but dip your celery and meat into the main supply; this observation invests salt-cellars with a peculiar interest. Always be first in calling for dessert, lest you lose the chance of securing a double supply.

HOW TO EAT. 

The art of getting enough to eat, where there is a promiscuous assemblage of ladies and gentlemen, depends largely upon your skill in handling the knife and fork, and the capacity of your guzzle for unmasticated food. The latter qualification is a natural gift; but the knife and fork business, being entirely mechanical, any one who will keep his elbows six inches above the table and four inches (half the diameter of a dinner plate) inside the edge, will soon acquire freedom of motion and great proficiency in the use of those invaluable implements.

MISCELLANEOUS. 

Newspapers are allowable at the breakfast table, provided the reader turns his back toward one neighbor and puts his feet on the chair-rounds of the other. If no ladies are present except the landlady (and she is never a lady), it is preferable to draw a castor before you and tilt your paper against it. You can then swallow the news with your buckwheat cakes. 

Since two-pronged steel forks have got out of fashion, tooth-picking has become an embarrassing operation to those who have teeth. The prongs of the modern forks are too thick for the purpose and it has become necessary to resort to your pocket-knife, or incur the expense of carrying a quill. Some vulgarians are in the habit of taking a quill toothpick out of their pockets “on the sly,” and, concealing it in the hand, they relieve a suffering tooth without opening the mouth or attracting attention. This is barbarous. 

When you pick your teeth, everybody's attention should be directed to the occasion. You should either open your mouth wide, and use a penknife, or take a quill in one hand and raise a napkin to your nose with the other, as a flag of distress. 

One of the refinements of table etiquette, in a boarding-bouse, is to inform the landlady and your fellow-boarders when you've had enough to eat. The most delicate and approved manner of doing this is to tilt yourself back in the chair, spread your feet, yawn, stretch yourself, with both arms in the air, and wind up with a hearty grunt. Any gentleman who perfects himself in the practice of these rules of table etiquette would feel at home at a Royal banquet at the Court of St. James. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1872

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ill-Mannered Undesirable Boarders

They– I am talking now of the careless, selfish, or simply inconsiderate ones– insist upon extra service; they will ring for the girl to come up three flights of stairs to put a lump of coal on the grate, to open a window or shut it, or to find their nightdress… –Depiction of fun in a boarding house, from “Little Women” 

Ladies who board… 

What a Landlady Says About Them

They are Unbusinesslike 

and “Chronic Kickers”

“What is the matter that women who have no home find it so difficult to obtain what passes for one even by paying for it? What advantage has a man over a woman as roomer or boarder? I am beginning to find the burden of my woman’s estate too heavy to bear. I have hitherto considered it very enjoyable and honorable, but the experience of the last three days has made me willing to change places with the veriest wretch that ever wore trousers. Now, will you, out of your own experience and observation, solve this mystery, for you do not seem like one to hold an unauthorized opinion?”

“Of course,” replied the lady, “there are boarders and boarders just as there are landladies and landladies. For my part, I like ladies in the house. Every house is pleasanter and should be the better for their presence. But the fact remains that they are more trouble than men. When they are in their rooms all day, where they have a right to be, they are generally wanting something not in the bond. They– I am talking now of the careless, selfish, or simply inconsiderate ones– insist upon extra service; they will ring for the girl to come up three flights of stairs to put a lump of coal on the grate, to open a window or shut it, or to find their nightdress. 

“They'll go into the bathroom, even those who have no need to economize, and wash out all sorts of things, laces and handkerchiefs and stockings; this in time fills up the waste pipe with shreds and ravelings, and the end thereof is a plumber's bill. They will either ring for a flatiron or else they will come down into the kitchen with their trailing skirts and attend to the pressing out of their gowns there. They will bother the girl, want a little more fire and an ironing board, a little starch and a holder, and it will frequently end by the girl offering to do the work for them just to get them out of the way. 

“They want a little thread, or a darning needle, or a teaspoon, or some mustard, or table salt, or camphor. It seems to me there's nothing from a pin to a porous plaster that I have not been asked for by my lady lodgers. They want frequent changes made in the arrangements of their room. The bed doesn't stand the right way, the curtains are too thin or too thick, the back of the rocking chair is too high or too low. They lose their pass keys and burn the gas to heat curling irons and pipe stems where with to curl their hair. They receive calls, properly enough, but they forget that it requires the time of the servant to answer the bells for these callers. 

“And, as women spend money less freely than men, they do not consider that extra service should receive extra pay. If the truth must be told, I find it much easier and more pleasant to transact business– from small matters to greater ones– with a man than with a woman. Women are not businesslike, and they will pay $20 for a bonnet willingly and haggle over a wash bill. Again, in a house full of lady lodgers or boarders, there are occasional strifes and envyings, jealousies and gossipings not pleasant. These are a few of the reasons why women are considered undesirable as lodgers and boarders.”– Carlotta Perry in the Chicago Tribune, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mistaken “Ideas of Etiquette”

I know one woman of exceedingly modest menage who labors under the delusion that her growing social importance demands that her good-byes must be said in her parlor, even if the has no other guest at the time! Both common sense and courtesy surely demand that the solitary guest should be escorted to the door by her hostess— and even to the front gate if there be one. 

Again, it is surprising how many mistaken ideas of etiquette have gained currency among people, who, while not “in society,” certainly ought to know better. For instance, in churches, you often see the occupant of the end of a pew next the aisle putting his own collection into the plate before passing it on. This is quite wrong; he should pass it first and add his own contribution last. Again, take the question of “seeing a friend to the door.”

I know one woman of exceedingly modest menage who labors under the delusion that her growing social importance demands that her good-byes must be said in her parlor, even if the has no other guest at the time! Both common sense and courtesy surely demand that the solitary guest should be escorted to the door by her hostess— and even to the front gate if there be one. A large establishment with servants waiting in the hall— a drawing room full of guests, or a man caller— make it right for the hostess to remain in the drawing room, but in the absence of these conditions she must assuredly escort her guest herself, if she has no daughters to do it for her.

I once heard a man criticized because he was sufficiently courteous to pull out his fellow boarders chair at table before she sat down and later helped her on with her coat — this without previous acquaintance except, the usual conversation and courtesies of a small boarding house table of six. Of, course he was right — and showed not only his good breeding but his knowledge of the world. It is only the man who cannot be courteous without being familiar, who cannot help a woman with her coat without giving a suggestion of “tucking” her into it — it is only this kind of a man who need fear a snub on such an occasion from a well-bred woman.

In answer to the every day apology, “I beg your pardon” — many persons are wont to reply “certainly”— or more vaguely “not at all.” Both answers are out of place –the first, because it implies that pardon was needed; the second—because it means absolutely nothing. “Don't mention it” is the proper answer, although punctilious people are still heard to reply in courteous tones “The fault was mine.” If you do not hear aright a question asked you, do not ask “What is it?” Say, “Excuse me?” Or, colloquially, “I did not catch that.” If someone comes to ask you something never bluntly demand “What do you want?” Rather say “What can I do for you?” Do not say plain “yes or no,” nor embellish your conversation with “yes sir” and “no ma'am.” “Yes indeed,” “no, I think not” are preferable. – Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Boarders

Are there any folks with boarding house manners? As a an unpleasant type, let me present the lady who is afraid of Mrs. Grundy. 

Sometimes I think there aren't any, judging by the way in which men and women— and especially women, I grieve to say — conduct themselves as soon as they become "paying guests," the manual of etiquette for the boarding house must be still unwritten.

There is the young person— she deserves the scornful epithet— who considers the house and all it contains simply the happy hunting ground in which she may support herself. She flirts with all the men, eligible or otherwise, sometimes under the eyes of their mothers or their wives; she monopolizes the conversation at the table, interspersing her vacuous remarks with affected giggles and long-drawn-out snickers; she demands always all the attention, all the care, all the favoritism, that are to be had.

Often she travels in pairs, and she makes the night hideous with her attempts at piano-playing end her too uproarious gayety. Then there is the fussy woman, who lives to find fault, and whose idea of entertaining the assembled company is to complain of the way the eggs were cooked that morning and the wretched bed that kept her from sleeping the night before. She it is who must always have her food cooked a special way, who insists on spring water to drink and a particular window to sit by.

Moreover, she is the lady who strolls out into the kitchen to cook her own steak just right, and who dries her hair over the stove and usurps the parlor whenever she has company. Finally, she is the obnoxious creature, who criticises everybody and everything in the place, and whose gossip drives all self-respecting persons away from her vicinity.

As a third unpleasant type, let me present the lady who is afraid of Mrs. Grundy. Not that I am urging lack of proper dignity and care— far from it. But this person— usually a girl from the country— is so afraid of doing something improper that she will do nothing at all; never speaks, never joins in any general plea of amusement, never has been known to laugh and turns a deaf and stony ear to all advances, however well meant.

Of all these types, she is the only one deserving of pity; often she is very lonely and afraid to trust the dwellers in even the best recommended of boarding houses. When, however, she acts in her own peculiar manner simply because she considers herself better than her neighbors, then she merits nothing but scorn, and one cannot help getting impatient.

In any case with the girl who will not I even say “Good morning,” who addresses her landlady in monosyllables and passes one on the stairs with a glassy stare. She does not realize that her passion for propriety is leading her into absolute rudeness; or she does realize it, which is worse.

There are many others, including the “butter-in” on other persons' business; the selfish woman who takes the first and best of everything, and the girl who has no regard in her actions or speech for the good reputation of the house.

And there are men too, who have never learned boarding-house manners — “fresh” men; disgustingly rude men, who bolt their food and knock women off their feet in their brusque rush by them; men who belong to all the types condemned already in women boarders. But, as I said, women are, for some reason, in the majority as bad boarders, and many landladies will not have them at all, through sad experience.

There are hundreds of well-kept, happy, homelike boarding houses in this city; but rest assured, they are not the ones in which the unpleasant boarder finds an abiding place. — San Francisco Call, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia