The 2nd Annual International Etiquipedia Place Setting Competition

Announcing the 

Second Annual Etiquipedia 

International Place Setting Competition 

To begin planning your menu and submitting your setting, 

starting on August 1, 2022, 

go to

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1G_PrhbFH4Xzk4iylOW_eeUfT_lJHKuzP-PhO6BSl5U8/viewform?edit_requested=true

You will need to fill out a form to enter and will then be contacted on how to submit your photos and menu.

Entries will only be accepted up until 11.59 pm PST (California) on September 6, 2022

Best in Show Winners of 

Etiquipedia’s Second Annual International Place Setting Competition will Receive: 

• A signed copy of Maura J. Graber's upcoming book, “More of What Have We Here?”
• A blog post featuring the winner and their setting on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia.
• Some surprise gifts from the historic, Graber Olive House, in Ontario California.
• A certificate, suitable for framing, congratulating the winner.
• An antique silver utensil, chosen by Maura J. Graber from her personal collection.

Winners in both the 

Professional/Etiquette Community 

and the 

Amateur Community 

categories will be notified within 3 weeks of the contest’s end. 

A list of the 2022 Place Setting Competition Winners will then be posted on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

We hope that every adult globally 

(adults aged 18 or over!) 

who wishes to enter will be able to participate. We wish you all the best of luck! 

Elizabeth Soos and Maura J. Graber

If you wish to see the winners and read about their 2021 settings, there are links at the end of this page below.

The contest rules and guidelines:

• Your menu and place setting should reflect at least 5 courses. 
• All utensils or flatware, glassware or beverage ware and the porcelain, ceramic, etc… plates and dishes, should be set in readiness for the first course. 
• Your place setting should be reflective of the corresponding original menu.
• If the menu is written in another language than English, it needs to be provided in English, as well, for the judging process.
• Your photo's must be original and taken by you, due to copyright laws.
• A selfie of you with your table must be submitted along with your entry photo.

Theme choices are:

• Georgian Era 
• Regency Era 
• Victorian Era 
• American Gilded Age 
• Edwardian Era 
• Mid—20th C. American Modern
• Table for Two — If you do not wish to create a historic setting, choosing from the eras above, your entry must be a table set for for two, along with your corresponding menu. 

See last year’s winners’ settings and read their stories:

Petra Carsetti – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-petra-carsetti.html

Tatyana Gresserova – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-tatyana-gresserova.html

Elena Gorelik – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-elena-gorelik.html

Victoria B. Edwards – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-victoria-b-edwards.html

Nancy Hoogenboom – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/09/an-interview-with-nancy-hoogenboom.html

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Vaudeville

There is just enough of a touch of Bohemianism in it to make it a sort of lark to go, and, of course, this season it has been a pleasant novelty. But New-York Women are not Bohemians very much, after all, and, with all their alleged extravagances of conduct, there is in the best and most of them a strain of the old Puritan stock that is sure to assert itself.
 –Public domain image from Wikipedia

“Is the Vaudeville really liked by women? Now that is a question. I haven't heard a woman say she didn't like it; I've heard lots of them explain their going, though, on the ground that it is better if their husbands and brothers want the diversions of a variety show after the theatre that they should go along.

“Yes, I think the women like it, if it is kept where it is now. There is just enough of a touch of Bohemianism in it to make it a sort of lark to go, and, of course, this season it has been a pleasant novelty. But New-York Women are not Bohemians very much, after all, and, with all their alleged extravagances of conduct, there is in the best and most of them a strain of the old Puritan stock that is sure to assert itself. 

It crops out in the Sunday night card parties– there is plenty of card playing Sunday nights in many houses in New-York where, perhaps, it is least suspected– but the women don't like it; some of them won't have it. But, yes, concludingly, “I think we like the vaudeville.”– New York Times, 1893

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

When Kisses Replaced Handshakes

Los Angeles society writer Jeannine Stein counters with the view that it’s always safe to kiss “your favorite designer and your hairdresser” because “it’s the thing to do and because you’re so glad to see them darling.” –The popular online “Kiss Blowing” emoji.

Social kissing is replacing the handshake as the polite way to say hello and goodbye at Hollywood cocktail lounges, New York social events and a lot of places in between. No one is safe from social kissing, according to an article in the February issue of Harper’s Bazaar, although not everybody approves of it. Judith Martin, who writes on etiquette as Miss Manners, acknowledges the popularity of the social kiss but yearns for a return to the handshake. “The handshake,” she said, “has been devalued by the social kiss, which no two people perform alike and which leaves a lot of lipstick and other confusion in its wake.” The social kiss can extend to anybody from your best friend to total
strangers, according to some social arbiters. 

Others disagree. “I know in Los Angeles they kiss everyone, whether they know the person or not,” said Virginia Depew, who edits the Washington “Green Book” social registry. “In Washington, it happens, too. But we are a protocol service (as well as a registry), and we would advise you not to kiss everyone. I just don’t think it’s proper. Kissing should be between very, very close friends, not mere acquaintances, and certainly not strangers. We frown on it, yes.” Los Angeles society writer Jeannine Stein counters with the view that it’s always safe to kiss “your favorite designer and your hairdresser” because “it’s the thing to do and because you’re so glad to see them darling.”

“Top models always air kiss each other,” Stein added “They peck the air near each other’s cheeks and then go back to doing their nails.” Hollywood columnist James Bacon said of the local custom, “Cheek kissing is a greeting for best friends as well as for hostesses you never met before. Bogart and Wayne and all those big macho guys did it. There was nothing sissy about it.” There’s a right way to perform the social kissing rite, according to John Duka, fashion columnist for The New York Times “There is only one proper way to do it,” he said “Hold each other’s right hand by the fingers. Twist your mouth as far to the left as possible and touch each other lightly on the right side of the jaw. That’s the kiss that counts. Anything else is too personal.” 

The social kiss has been around for centuries and at one point was so common in ancient Rome that it was banned by Emperor Tiberius. Erasmus, the 16th-century Dutch scholar, came back from a trip to Britain and wrote about Englishwomen: “They kiss you when you arrive, they kiss you when you go away, and they kiss you when you return. Go where you will, it is all kissing.” Among those who disapprove of all this meaningless social kissing is romance novelist Barbara Cartland who, according to Bazaar,believes it debases the currency, “One can hardly imagine a young man today being thrilled because he has been permitted to kiss his loved one’s hand,” she said. By Harper’s Bazaar, 1985

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Snobbery and Charity

It’s too bad that charity began at the bazaars, but ended at the idea of showing any charity towards the parvenus or newly wealthy of the era!
– Meme from magicalquote.com

Gilded Age Humor on One’s Lineage 

Mrs. Muscovado— “The Newriches are people who don’t know who their grandparents were.”

 Mrs. Rockoil — “Oh, yes, they do, but they hope no one else does” — Harper’s Bazaar, 1893

Charity has been defined as this state of things: That so soon as ‘A’ is in trouble ‘B’ begins to consider what ‘C’ ought to do for him. All charitable fairs, for instance, are based on this principle. You go and buy something which you probably do not want in order that the profit made on it may go to some good cause. In case you had really wanted what you bought you would have perhaps bought it somewhere else, and the regular trade thus suffers from the loss of your custom. 

In the case of very large fairs, like the “sanitary fairs” in wartime, the ordinary local trade unquestionably suffers, perhaps for a whole year, and the community is thus impoverished to a degree in one way so that it may be helped in other ways. For a great national object, this can easily be endured, although, to be sure, we never have known just what the regular dealers thought about it. But when we consider that the same thing is done to some extent on behalf of every local or sectarian enterprise, it is evident that the principle of the affair is not quite satisfactory. 

Suppose, for instance, that we were all to agree for a single year to have all our shoes and hats made by amateurs “for sweet charity’s sake,” and to have a single church or hospital take the value of them all. Then sweet charity would make an apparent gain no doubt, but all the ordinary hatmakers and shoemakers would starve. Or, if they did not starve, they would be supported by their kindred, who perhaps are not for above the starvation point themselves, or they would be supported by sweet charity, and the last condition of things would be worse than the first. 

It is not really the fact that the evils of society can be greatly helped by dressing up young girls prettily and having them take money and give rather inaccurate change at a bazaar table. One day, perhaps, when the laws of trade are better understood, we shall look at charity fairs as we already look at lotteries, which were once regarded as one of the highest forms of sweet charity, but which are now prohibited by law.— Harper’s Bazaar, 1897

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Dining Styles

“Godey’s Lady’s Book was the leading nineteenth-century magazine for American women and Virginia Campbell was a regular subscriber.” – Above, an antebellum, March 1859 edition of Godey’s illustrated the ideal table setting which was advised prior to the American Civil War, post-war restoration and the Gilded Age.

Until the early nineteenth century, dining in America was straightforward. Based on the English-style of two courses consisting of multiple items, the first course featured soup, fish, entrées, and joints; the second course included game, additional entrées, and some sweets. An optional third course of fruit and more sweets could follow in those households that had the means to provide them.

All the dishes were placed on the table at once and then cleared to accommodate the next course. This changed with the popularity of a la Francaise (French-style) dining and an emerging merchant class whose new wealth could afford both the new style and food to bring to the table.

French-style service broke the accepted two courses into four, placing fewer dishes on the table. Critics of the day rebuked the style as an indulgent display. In actuality the number of dishes primarily stayed the same. The main difference was order, spacing, and presentation, which gave the appearance of a larger, more elaborate meal.

The French-style course structure is generally divided into four courses: soups and fish in the first course; entrées, which were smaller meat dishes such as ragouts, followed in the second course; third course consisted of joints and entrées; while the fourth course comprised game, sweets, and a few more entrées. Finally, an optional dessert course could follow of fruit and more sweets. Course structure, according to Savarin, was an attempt to serve foods in relationship to each other that in turn would enhance the dining experience. In short, food and its service should have an order.

French service could be compared to a fanciful family style since the dishes placed on the table were designed for guests to serve themselves. If a dish required carving the guest closest to that item was expected to carve. One served themselves, filling their own plate. For dishes out of one’s reach either servants or fellow guests politely passed dishes. — From “The Gilded Table: Recipes and Table History from the Campbell House,” by Suzanne Corbett, 2015

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

On “The Gilded Table”

From “The Gilded Table: Recipes and Table History from the Campbell House.” Beautifully written, with terrific photographs, the book features lovely dishes and glassware, including a stunning Campbell family fish platter that is nearly 3 feet in length!

Table Service and Dinner Decorum

The arrangement of seating at the table was never left to chance. Great thought was given to the importance of each guest— where each person was placed indicated their importance. Protocol mandated the host and hostess at most tables sat at either end. Virginia generally sat at the north end of the table, facing towards the butler’s pantry door where the servants would enter. It also afforded her a fuller view of the entire dining room. Within close reach was the dining room’s bell pull, used to call servants from the kitchen.


Honored guests, high-ranking officials, or one's age could determine where the hostess placed her guests at her table. The gentleman of honor was seated at the right of the hostess; the ranking lady was placed at the right of the host. The next important or favored guests were seated at the host's and hostess's left. These seating arrangements, alternating ladies and gentlemen, continued down the table until the places were filled. Guests who found themselves seated in the middle of the table were of least importance but nonetheless were generally happy to have a place at the table.


On one occasion while hosting President Grant during her husband’s absence, Virginia was reported as having sat President Grant at the end of the Campbell table. Another account that appeared years later in an 1888 newspaper recollection reported Mrs. Campbell at an 1868 dinner party as having sat center at one side of the table with General Grant on her right hand. No other reference placed Virginia or her guest of honor at the table’s center, bringing this account into question considering the strict etiquette of the day.— From “The Gilded Table: Recipes and Table History from the Campbell House,” by Suzanne Corbett, 2015

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Personal Preferences on Cooked Turkey

A holiday set aside for giving thanks is not just an American tradition, but a global one. Numerous celebrations of thanks are celebrated around the world.– Image of a collectible “Cigarette Card” from a set on Holidays Around the World, circa 1890’s

How Great Men Eat Turkey 

Views of McKinley, Cleveland, Bryan, Depew, et al. on the Bird 

A personal friend of President-elect McKinley is authority for the statement that the major has long ago given minute instruction in regard to the preparation of his Thanksgiving turkey, and that for many years past, the order has not varied an iota. He has his turkey roasted but not stuffed, and, is quoted as saying that a chef who would stuff the noble bird is a fellow fit for “treason, strategem and spoils.” He prefers a twelve-pound fowl, very fat and well spread with butter. The pièce de résistance, however, is the garnishment, which consists of a double string of sausages, fried and served hot with the turkey. 

In this connection, the Thanksgiving preferences of a few well-known men may prove interesting. President Cleveland likes his turkey well stuffed with biscuit or cracker stufling, black with sage and pepper. He wants the bird well dressed, with skewers and ribbon bands, or strings of smilax and bunches of parsley. Ex-President Harrison likes a roasted turkey stuffed with big Indiana chestnuts. He says that in his estimation there is only one class of people who have mastered the art of properly cooking a Thanksgiving turkey and that distinction belongs to the country girls of his native state. William Jennings Bryan has, to use his own words, “a great mouth for turkey,” and likes it in any guise or disguise. It is therefore safe to say that he will do full justice to that course at Denver’s banquet next Thursday. Chauncey M. Depew can make a better after-dinner speech on Thanksgiving if his turkey is cooked in “ole Virginia.” According to the genial Chauncey, the genuine southern cook, with a knack amounting to necromancy, can spice and sweeten the fowl till ‘tis a drop of nectar fit for the gods—or the critical palate of an epicure.

Dr. T. DeWitt Talmage is cosmopolitan in his tastes, and avows that his turkey must be stuffed with small English oysters and ornamented with a “fence” of French potato strips, fried brown and crisp and served piping hot. The good doctor also dotes on Vienna bread fingers as a proper accompaniment. John R. Tanner is fond of a great big turkey—the bigger the better—well roasted and basted in the good, old-fashioned way our mothers all used to know so well. He likes the oyster stuffing, rich gravies and entrees of mashed potatoes and turnips. Cranberry sauce and pies and apple, pumpkin and mince will complete the menu. – Los Angeles Herald, 1896

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Etiquette Around the World

Throughout her reign, Queen Ranavalona III utilized diverse tactics such as strengthening trade and diplomatic relations with the United States and Great Britain in the hope of staving off impending colonization. –Image source: afrikanwomen.com

                             

Royal Bits and Throne Lights

Mary, Queen of Scots, and George II, were both buried at midnight.

A Queen who insists on going barefooted is Her Majesty of Madagascar. All the same, she wears the most expensive of Parisian toilets.

Sultan Abdul Hamid’s hair never grows white. To prevent that, it is dyed, and the dyeing is repeated as often as is needful, for, according to Turkish Court etiquette, the Sultan’s hair must always be black.

The Prince of Wales has inherited from his mother the faculty of really interesting himself, not feigning interest, in whatever is brought before his notice. It is said by those intimate with the Queen that she never allows herself to look bored. Whoever may be introduced to her, has her very best attention for the time being.

Princess Louise, Duchess of Fife, lives her own quiet life among the hills of Braemar, doing her errands like the wife of a crofter. The Duchess-of-Fife is the wonder of the district, and many an uppish dame has been inclined to sneer at the modestly dressed young lady who enters a village shop, orders a pound or two of that, a few yards of ribbon, etc., and carries them off to her carriage.– Chico Record, 1897

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More on Etiquette Fleeing Duchess

When the Grand Duke and the Grand Duchess returned from their honeymoon, ladies set out to instruct the young lady, who is just 19 years old, in Court etiquette as observed at Saxe Weimar. The Princess, who is quite unconventional, resented this supervision. 

Princess Driven to Flee From Grand Duke’s Side by Tyranny

She Leaves the Court of Weimar Without Notice 

(Special to The Herald.) BERLIN, Aug. 11. —Court tyranny has driven the Grand Duchess of Saxe Weimar Eisenach from the side of her young husband. Without a word as to why or where she was going, the Duchess has fled from the palace at Weimar. It was only three months ago that Caroline, the daughter of Prince Henry of Reuss XXII, married the Grand Duke William Ernest of Saxe Weimar. It was looked upon as a pure love match, and Continental papers devoted much space to the romance. This sudden turn of affairs has created consternation in Court circles. 

The Grand Duke is said to be beside himself with annoyance. For several years a certain clique has predominated in the Court at Saxe Weimar. When the Grand Duke and the Grand Duchess returned from their honeymoon, ladies set out to instruct the young lady, who is just 19 years old, in Court etiquette as observed at Saxe Weimar. The Princess, who is quite unconventional, resented this supervision. 

When she rebelled, this influential clique appears to have made trouble for her, and the Princess, finding she was a slave at her own Court, took flight. The role played by the Grand Duke is not clear, but it appears that the overbearing Courtiers are more than a match for him. One report has it that the Princess fled to Switzerland. It is certain that the Grand Duke has had all trains for Switzerland watched, and reports made to him. He even went so far as to take the train himself in following one of the rumors that his wife had been located. 

The German papers deal with the matter with much reserve, but in a way to leave no doubt regarding the general outlines of the story, The Reichsbote, one of the most conservative journals in Berlin, publishes a brief account. The Lokalanzeiger, a semi-official organ, discusses the affair in its court and society columns. The Tageblatt comments as follows: “The grand duchess, like every other woman, wants to be mistress of her own home, and the probable end of the conflict will be changes in the Grand Ducul household staff.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1903

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Duchess Drama Due to Etiquette

The young Duchess is said to have tired of the tyranny of court etiquette and the criticisms of the elderly female courtiers
– Public domain image of the Grand Duke Sax Weimar Eisenbach

A Duchess Disappears

BERLIN, July 22.—Caroline, the wife of Grand Duke Sax Weimar Eisenbach, has fled after a marriage of only three months. With her husband she made a triumphal entry into Welmer at the beginning of June. The young Duchess is said to have tired of the tyranny of Court etiquette and the criticisms of the elderly female Courtiers, who charged her with extremely unconventional manners. – Stockton Record, 1903

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Humor for the Populace

Mr. Quickrich, who had made a million out of candles and thus gained a sudden entry into society, escorted the Duchess of Dash into the dining room. The multiplicity of forks and knives and spoons staggered him. The soup nearly made him faint. But he took his courage and an olive in both hands and launched forth pluckily.

A Little Pleasantry? He Tried it on the Duchess, According to the Rules

“If seated next to a lady at dinner and if at a loss for a topic, touch lightly on the weather. Then turn to dress. It that fails, try a little pleasantry.” With these words from “Etiquette for the Populace” stamped upon his memory, Mr. Quickrich, who had made a million out of candles and thus gained a sudden entry into society, escorted the Duchess of Dash into the dining room. 

The multiplicity of forks and knives and spoons staggered him. The soup nearly made him faint. But he took his courage and an olive in both hands and launched forth pluckily. “Bloomin’ dull day, Duch, ain't it?” he began, recalling topic No. 1.”Ahem!” he coughed as he remembered the next topic, dress. “Er– do you wear flannel next to the skin?” A marble shoulder nearly knocked him in the eye– a very cold and frigid shoulder. 

“Hum” muttered Quickrich. “Rather ‘ard to get along with. I’ll try a pleasantry.” Let’s see. The Duchess of Dash’s back was turned to him. He protruded a forefinger and jabbed her in the ribs. “Click!” he cried playfully. And that absolutely did it, and himself with it.– London Answers, 1910

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

London Hotel Etiquette & Customs

Ring your bell in an American hotel at any time and up comes a pitcher of iced water; ring your bell of a morning in an English hotel and up comes a pitcher of boiling water, it being presumed that you desire to shave. Instead of iced water, a pitcher of hot water is also brought to your room immediately on your arrival at an English hotel; and this is very grateful if you have just come, tired and dusty, from a railway journey.
Above -19th century image of Hotel Metropole, London — Image source, Pinterest 

Items of Interest Gleaned from a Tourist’s Note Book

The Great Difference Between English Hotels and Those of the United States. Special Features of the London Hotel

A Type —The Proprietor

Ring your bell in an American hotel at any time and up comes a pitcher of iced water; ring your bell of a morning in an English hotel and up comes a pitcher of boiling water, it being presumed that you desire to shave. Instead of iced water, a pitcher of hot water is also brought to your room immediately on your arrival at an English hotel; and this is very grateful if you have just come, tired and dusty, from a railway journey.

There are no such free and easy manners to be seen at English hotels as obtained in the States. You may look in vain for the gaudy barroom, with its glitter of glass and brass and its questionable if not objectionable works of art. Nor can strangers enter the smoking and reading rooms to lounge and loaf at will. There are usually two writing rooms, in which order and quiet reign, and in one the sterner sex is not admitted. The rooms are richly appointed, each desk having a small electric lamp, and the finest stationery is furnished free to the privileged occupants. This remark applies only to hotels of the very first class— the Langham, for example. You never hear the cry of “front,” nor do you see half a score of “bell boys” playing pranks in halls and entrances. The “office” is a place fitted up for the clerks and bookkeepers, and is not used by outsiders and the public in general for a noisy rendezvous.

Home Like and Comfortable 

To one accustomed to the immense parlors and public rooms of an American hotel the “drawing room” and other apartments of an English hotel seem small, but there is a home like and comfortable air about the English house which American hotels seldom or never possess. Even the public rooms of the Metropole, a house which cost several millions of dollars, which covers an acre of ground and entertains 800 people at one time under its roof, seems small compared with those of our leading hotels. The comfort of guests, rather than imposing size of public rooms, is their main consideration. 

Another special feature also of a first class house over here is the wine cellars. The days of your “two bottle men” may have departed, not so the love that Englishmen bear for good wine. The Metropole is owned by a company which has its own vineyards in the champagne districts of France, and the “Metropole extra dry” is a wine that will rank with the choicest wines in the market. One can readily imagine that wine is a feature in London hotels when it is understood that the stock of wines in the Metropole cellars is valued at £25,000 sterling, or $125,000

While most of the hotels in London are kept on the European plan, making a separate charge for each meal, there is a notable exception in the Windsor, a new hotel in Victoria street. Westminster, which is hotel in any large European city— the proprietor and manager are both hard to find. In London all the leading hotels are owned by companies and managed by men; the second rate hotels have women for managers and clerks, and these are usually cross, maiden ladies of an uncertain age. They still keep up the old and bad habit of charging for “attendance” in English hotels, and the price is usually one and sixpence each person. 

In arranging for rooms at the Adelphi Hotel in Liverpool, the writer was told that the price for two rooms was “eight and sixpence.” Forgetting for the nonce about the charge for attendance, he tendered this agreed upon amount in settling his bill, but was at once reminded that for each night four and six pence more ($1.12) must be paid, there being three persons.— “M. P.” in Home Journal, 1888

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Prepare to Talk and Feast

Lord Ribblesdale held his friend up to ridicule, laughed at his stores of neatly assorted anecdotes, pooh-poohed at his collection of old magazine articles, and in general scoffed at the thought of preparation for conversation.
 —Public domain image of Lord Ribblesdale

Why Shouldn't People Prepare Themselves to Talk as Well as to Feast?

We remember reading in the Nineteenth Century an article by Lord Ribblesdale on “The Art of Conversation.” Just what was in the article we do not altogether clearly remember. That there was some description therein of the methods of a certain friend of the writer who had attained to some distinction in London drawing-rooms as a conversationalist, we remember very well. 

This gentleman, it seemed, prepared himself for “tea fights” and “muffin-scrambles,” as we have heard them called in England, and for other social functions where tea, women, and conversation were the staple, much as an undergraduate prepares himself by “cramming” for an examination. Lord Ribblesdale held his friend up to ridicule, laughed at his stores of neatly assorted anecdotes, pooh-poohed at his collection of old magazine articles, and in general scoffed at the thought of preparation for conversation.

To those, however, who are much dined and tead, and drawn into the social labyrinths where conversation obtains as the main relaxation, the thought of preparation for conversation— on the part of other people— comes as a very welcome suggestion. When a man goes to another man's house as his guest he usually prepares himself as to everything except his mind. But he goes ofttimes as a whited intellectual sepulcher, cleansed and shining without; dull, tired, eaten up with worries within. Nor is he usually in the least conscience-stricken to go thus mentally naked into the presence of his friends. Just why one should not take fifteen minutes or a half hour in a easy chair to collect one’s self and to prepare one's self to drop honey here and salt there, and thus do his share at feast or function, we know not.

If men and women were so constructed that the business of life could go on interminably and thus be the staple product of conversation wherever they met together, it were well enough to trust to “shop” for all one’s needs. But this is not so. It is not merely agreeable to have change and rest, it is a necessity of human existence, and wherever and whenever man or woman lifts the curtain upon a new scene, or provides a new picture of life, or leads one beside the still waters or into pastures fresh and green, there is a new impetus given to life; and of the innumerable ways in which such inspiration may spend itself for the good of humanity, no one can calculate or determine. 

It may or may not be a heroic part to play, but wielding a sword is not so efficacious in a case of fainting as waving a fan. Just to give a little freshness to the social air is often enough to do a very good deed in a tired world. No one need be ashamed, therefore, we should think, to give himself a little private coaching with this end in view. The beasts rush at their meals and rend and tear and chew and swallow, but this is neither wholesome nor proper for men and women. And yet in some households the gathering together about the table is a sullen, silent affair, where no one feels responsible for cheerfulness, and where, in consequence, the clouds and thick darkness of dyspepsia settle down, without a flash of social lightning or a roar of conversational thunder to break the dull dripping of the monotonous shower. 

We remember very distinctly, on the other hand, an establishment where from ten to fifteen members of a large family gathered daily at the table and where it was a mark of infamy almost upon each one who did not make an effort to add to the general fund of conversation. They were busy people, too— the men busy with affair sometimes of large dimensions, the women busy with the care of a large establishment and the demands of a widely varied social life. They all had cares and disappointments, and some of them very real sorrows but when they met together they gave in, each one, something to the store of general happiness.—Boston Gazette, 1891

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Gilded Age Macaroni and Servers

When people hear the word, “Macaroni,” most people think, “and cheese!” But during the Gilded Age, macaroni (in a variety of forms) was a very popular side dish, even at formal dinners. Numerous recipes for macaroni can be found in cookbooks of the late-19th century. To demonstrate just how popular macaroni was, take a look at these large gilded, macaroni servers from the time period. Only the most popular of foods had utensils designed for serving and eating them at the time. These two are excellent examples. The following article is how macaroni got its name.
—Photo source, Etiquipedia private image library 

Macaroni is a favorite dish with many people, and its manufacture an important industry in many Italian and French cities. It is a wheaten paste, prepared in the form of hollow tubes of different diameters, and is served at dinners in various styles for entrees or desserts. It is said to have had its birth and christening in Sicily in this way:

Once upon a time a wealthy noble of Palermo owned a cook not only accomplished beyond compare in the practice of his profession, but gifted by nature with an inventive genius. One day, in a rapture of culinary composition, this great artist devised the farinaceous tubes which all love so well, and the succulent accessories of rich sauce and grated parmesan, familiar to those who have partaken of “macaroni alsogo” in South Italy. 

Having filled a mighty china bowl with this delicious compound, he set it be fore his Lord— a gourmand of the first order — and stood by, in deferential attitude, to watch the effect of his experiment. The first mouthful elicited the ejaculation, “Cari,” idiomatically equivalent to “excellent” in English, from the illustrious epicure. 

After swallowing a second modicum he exclaimed “Ma cari,” or, “Excellent indeed.” Presently, as the flavor of the toothsome mess grew upon him, his enthusiasm rose to even higher flights, and he cried out, in a voice tremulous with joyful emotion, “Ma, caroni!— Indeed, most supremely, sublimely, superlatively excellent!” 

In paying this verbal tribute to the merits of his cook’s discovery he unwittingly bestowed a name upon that admirable preparation which has stuck to it ever since.—Golden Argosy, 1888

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U.S. vs. British Seating Etiquette

For years it has been a debated question, the subject of endless discussion, as to whether on such occasions the President, as official head of the Nation, should not take precedence of the host and hostess. 
Public domain image of  Secretary of the Interior of the United States, 1889 - 1893, John Willock Noble

 A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE.

MRS. NOBLE SEATS THE PRESIDENT AT THE HEAD OF HER TABLE

WASHINGTON, Feb. 11.– Secretary and Mrs. Noble gave a dinner to-night to the President and Mrs. Harrison, which witnessed a departure from the usual order of etiquette observed in seating the company at a table at which the President is the guest of honor. For years it has been a debated question, the subject of endless discussion, as to whether on such occasions the President, as official head of the Nation, should not take precedence of the host and hostess.

The usual order has been for the President to sit at the right of the hostess. In order to settle the matter, Mrs. Noble some time ago sent to London to get the English order of precedence, which supported her ideas on the subject, and decided that the President should occupy the seat of the host. The matter was then submitted to the State Department, which replied that the form was in this country purely optional. Mrs. Noble thereupon decided to have the seat for the President placed at the head of the table, while for herself was the one at the right. Secretary Noble sat at the opposite end of the table, with Mrs. Harrison at his right.

The guests were President and Mrs. Harrison, Vice President and Mrs. Morton, Secretary and Mrs. Elkins, Secretary Tracy, Mrs. Wilmerding, Secretary and Mrs. Rusk, Secretary and Mrs. Foster, the Postmaster General, Attorney General and Mrs. Miller, donator and Mrs. Sherman, and Mrs. Edith Foster of Chicago, niece of Mrs. Noble.– The New York Times, 1892

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More Austrian Etiquette Expectations

The dinner given to the President of the French Republic at the Austrian Embassy gave sanction to a number of new by-laws in Presidential etiquette. It was the first time that such a dinner had been offered and accepted, and no one knew to whom it was to be announced– whether to M. Carnot or to the Ambassadress. 
Public domain image of French President Sadi Carnot 

 PRESIDENT CARNOT AT DINNER

QUESTIONS OF ETIQUETTE FIND SOLUTION

PARIS, Jan. 28.—The dinner given to the President of the French Republic at the Austrian Embassy gave sanction to a number of new by-laws in Presidential etiquette. It was the first time that such a dinner had been offered and accepted, and no one knew to whom it was to be announced– whether to M. Carnot or to the Ambassadress. The difficulty was managed by the simple opening of the dining room doors, which ceremony told Count Hoyos that the time had come to beg the President to offer his arm to the Ambassadress. This settled comfortably a knotty point in one second, and there was not the least apprehension concerning the place of the President at the table. It was amiably arranged by the position taken by the Austrian Ambassador directly opposite the President, as he entered the dining room with Mme. Carnot after the President.

The dress of the lady President was made of fine black chantilly over white satin. The front of the same was drapod in black tulle, covered with beads and lozenges of dark creon glass, looking like so many emeralds. The same ornamentation covered the corsage. In her hair she wore a diamond crescent, perched on a bouquet of rose geranium. The Countess Hoyos wore white satin with point lace overdress, looped with ostrich plumes and diamond bow knots. A pearl and diamond coronet was placed in her hair. The Countess Zich, wife of the Counselor to the Austrian Embassy, and one of the prettiest women in Paris, wore an Empire dress of white satin trimmed with silver lace and diamonds. The latter studded the under-the-arm belt and made an otherwise simple costume look particularly resplendent. – The New York Times, 1888

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A Question of Official Precedence

A quarrel which led to a duel originated in London and was caused by a dispute over the question as to which of the gentlemen’s wives should have precedence on social and official occasions. – Public domain image of Count Franz Deym, Austrian Ambassador and Duelist

  Dueling Over a Question of Etiquette 

VIENNA, Dec. 31.– Count Franz Deym, the Austrian Ambassador to Great Britain, and Count de Lutzow, Secretary of the Austrian Embassy in London, fought a duel near this city to day. Pistols were the weapons selected for the encounter. Several shots were exchanged without effect, neither of the men being hit. The quarrel which led to the duel originated in London and was caused by a dispute over the question as to which of the gentlemen’s wives should have precedence on social and official occasions.– The New York Times, January 1, 1891

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An 1897 Question of Etiquette

 I am in receipt of a card advising me that certain ladies would be at home on certain days. Now, as I am not a society man, I would ask whether the ladies mean that they are at home in the afternoon or in the evening, nothing being mentioned on the card but just the day.

A Gilded Age Gent’s Etiquette Query

Will you kindly help me out of a quandary? I am in receipt of a card advising me that certain ladies would be at home on certain days. Now, as I am not a society man, I would ask whether the ladies mean that they are at home in the afternoon or in the evening, nothing being mentioned on the card but just the day. Also is it necessary to acknowledge the receipt of the card outside of the call which one makes? By answering the above you will greatly relieve THE WRITER. New York, Dec. 4, 1897

What are generally known as “days at home” are informal receptions in the afternoon, and it is only necessary to acknowledge the courtesy of an invitation to such informal receptions, either by a call on one of the appointed afternoons, or, if a call is not possible on the afternoons named, at some other time, or by the sending of a card. The “day at home” is the most informal of all social entertainments. It has grown much in vogue during the past few years in New York and other large cities, and many prominent society women now prefer to have two, three, or four “days at home” during the season rather than go to the trouble and expense of one large afternoon or evening reception. “Days at home” also have the advantage of affording those on a lady’s visiting list more than one opportunity of making a call, and the excellent suggestion has been made that the ladies who purpose holding days at home this Winter should, if possible, where they live in about the same locality, choose the same day. Thus, for example, if those ladies living on lower Fifth Avenue and in adjacent streets between Fourteenth Street and Washington Place, would choose Monday, those living between Fourteenth and Twenty-third Streets would select Tuesdays, those again residing between Twenty third and Thirty-fourth Streets would take Wednesdays, and so on until each fashionable section of the city had, as it were, its day, the labor of calling would be much simplified. –The New York Times, 1897 

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Etiquette for Debutante Balls

The father of each girl makes a contribution which, even though it is usually quite generous, is not nearly as much as he would have had to spend on an individual party.

Mass Debutante Debuts

In a number of cities there are large cotillions or assemblies at which dozens— or even hundreds— of girls make their debuts at the same time. They are usually charity balls and are managed by a committee which makes the regulations about everything from dress to numbers of escorts.

The father of each girl makes a contribution which, even though it is usually quite generous, is not nearly as much as he would have had to spend on an individual party. At most of these affairs, each girl is expected to subscribe for two escorts. Often private dinner parties are given before the ball to honor each girl separately.

Clothes for guests and parents are the same as they would be at any large dance, but there are sometimes limitations put on the costume of the debutante by the committee. They might require all white, for example, rather than leaving it to the girls whether they wear white or pale pastels.

■Invitations

Personal notes from the mother are usually sent when the party is to be a small one, but for anything large or elaborate, the mother and father would probably send engraved invitations jointly.

■Clothes

Even if she has been going to night clubs since she was fifteen, a debutante at her debut should look young and dewy. She often wears white, though pastels are considered correct these days, and the cut of the dress should never be sophisticated or provocative. At an evening debut, she wears a wide-skirted dance dress. At an afternoon debut, she wears a dress something like a short dress for a bridesmaid. She wears– afternoon or evening– gloves and no hat, but she may wear a flower in her hair.

The mother wears, at a tea, an afternoon dress with no hat, but with gloves. For an evening affair, she would wear a formal evening gown with gloves. She never wears black for any kind of debut.

The father and the guests wear clothes that are appropriate for the time of day and the occasion. — From “McCall’s Book of Everyday Etiquette,” 1960

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Buffet Hosting Etiquette

Equipment: You will want a large table on which to set out the food. This is the only essential table, but you might also want to set up card tables, or you may have little foldaway tables to set up for guests beside odd chairs that aren't near the coffee table or some side table. For a normal buffet dinner, you will need utensils for eating and for serving (but no dinner knives), serving dishes, dinner plates and dessert plates or bowls with plates to go under them– glasses, cups and saucers, a table cloth, if you are having a table, and napkins– all in the correct numbers for your guest list.

Hosting Buffet Meals

A buffet meal is a wonderfully easy way to give a party. It can be given for a few people or a large crowd (if you have room). It can run smoothly with no help, and it can be indoors or outdoors, a brunch, luncheon, dinner or supper, and as elegant or casual as you like. This section describes a dinner, but most of the information applies to any buffet meal.

The number of guests should be controlled by how many people can sit down in the space available. It's no fun to eat dinner standing up. Sitting down, however, doesn't mean there must be a chair and a table for each guest. Some people might be perfectly happy sitting on the floor and eating from a plate on the piano bench. But there shouldn't be so many people on the floor that all the walking space is taken up.

Seating at a buffet meal is usually arranged in one of three ways: 1. The card-table meal at which a place at a small table is provided for each guest (though he chooses his own spot); 2. Self-service, but places set at a dining table; or 3. Self-service and migration to the living room where some kind of table–coffee table, side table or small folding table is provided for each guest. The only occasion at which the guests are not provided with some kind of table is the huge, late supper affair. At these occasions the guests may be eating at several different times and there are so many that it would be impossible to have a table for each one.

The food, unless you set up card tables so everyone sits at a table, shouldn't require cutting with a knife and you should usually be able to get the whole main course on one plate. You never have soup, but if you want to have a first course, serve it with cocktails before dinner– probably something a bit more substantial than ordinary canapé fare. On the main course plate might be an entree, one or two vegetables or one vegetable and salad. Or you might have only salad if the main dish has vegetables in it. You could have hot bread of some kind– rolls or biscuits perhaps– but it should be buttered in the kitchen since the guests won't be able to juggle butter plates. The last course might be a dessert, or fruit with a selection of cheeses, or (if there has been no salad with the main course) salad with the cheeses. Water or some other beverage usually goes with the main course and coffee is served afterwards.

Equipment: You will want a large table on which to set out the food. This is the only essential table, but you might also want to set up card tables, or you may have little foldaway tables to set up for guests beside odd chairs that aren't near the coffee table or some side table. For a normal buffet dinner, you will need utensils for eating and for serving (but no dinner knives), serving dishes, dinner plates and dessert plates or bowls with plates to go under them– glasses, cups and saucers, a table cloth, if you are having a table, and napkins– all in the correct numbers for your guest list.

The service may be by a maid or by the host and hostess with the help of friends. If there is no maid, the host will be doing a lot more fetching and carrying than he would at a seated dinner. The hostess would probably put everything except the hot dishes on the buffet table before the guests arrived. After the drinks, which are accompanied by the hors d'oeuvres brought into the living room, she puts the hot food on the table and goes among the guests saying that dinner is ready and inviting them to help themselves when they are ready. They probably won't all go at once. Sometimes the guests serve their plates from the table themselves and sometimes the host or hostess, or both, serve the main dishes while the guests pick up the utensils and bread and relishes.

The beverage– water or wine– is sometimes on the far end of the buffet table, or on a side table, for the guests to take as they go by. Or sometimes you wait until everyone is seated and pass the filled beverage glasses on a tray. At a card-table dinner, the water would be already set on the tables before service begins.

You offer seconds, after having refilled the serving dishes, as soon as some of the guests are finished. They won't all finish at once since they haven't all started at once. They then get up and serve themselves, or the host might offer to get something for a guest who can't get to the food table easily.

Dessert comes after the plates have been cleared out of the living room by the hostess and host or the guests themselves. Dessert plates and silver are already on the buffet table and the guests again serve themselves, or the hostess fills the plates herself and passes one to each guest.

Coffee is served after dessert, from the main table or from a tray brought into the living room. When this is finished, you take away the dessert plates, coffee cups, napkins and little tables, empty the ashtrays and sit down comfortably to enjoy your guests.

The maid, if you have would take over some of these duties. She one, would bring in the hot food and sometimes pass plates that have you filled to the guests who have remained seated. She might offer seconds by taking the serving dishes to the guests instead of having them come to the table and she would probably pass the beverage. She would help to clear away empty plates and to clean up after the coffee is finished. The drinks before, after and during dinner are usually served by the host, so he is the person to watch for guests in need of refills of water or wine or what have you.

Guests usually help with the serving at a maidless buffet dinner. They get their own food and sometimes offer to get food for the person with whom they have been sitting. They help clear away and they may pass serving dishes. But judgment should be used here. If there are already so many people up and helping that the hostess can't keep up with them or the room has the atmosphere of a cocktail party, stay where you are.

Arrival and Departure: Guests at a buffet dinner, knowing that it won't run on a rigid schedule, may properly be a little later than they would at a seated dinner-up to half an hour is all right if the dinner is a big one. They leave as they would at any other dinner, with thanks to the host and hostess and a general good-bye to the other guests.

Variations in the Rules: Unlike a seated dinner, you don't get right up when dinner is announced. You may finish your conversation or your drink or cigarette before you go. After you have got your food, you wait for only one other person— usually the one you have been talking to —before you start eating. You don't have to stay in one place to eat. If you want to talk to a different person during the dessert, you change your place after you have filled your dessert plate by just going to where he is and sitting down by him. Any guest, male or female, helps with the clearing and serving when the hostess needs help.— From “McCall’s Everyday Book of Etiquette,” 1960 

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