Formal Invitation Etiquette

Street numbers may be spelled out unless they are too long or they may be put in figures. House numbers are usually put in figures unless they consist of only one figure when they may spelled out if preferred. 

GENERAL RULES FOR FORMAL INVITATIONS

1. Telephone numbers should not be used on formal invitations.

2. The family crest or coat of arms may be embossed without color at the top of the invitation if the invitation is issued jointly by husband and wife, or by the husband alone. If issued by a widow, only the coat of arms should be used, omitting the crest and motto, and in the form of a lozenge.

3. “request the pleasure of your company” is used in dance invitations, dinner invitations, etc., and not “the honour of your presence.” (Note that in formal invitations the English style of spelling honour and favour is always used.)

4. If an invitation to a formal luncheon or dinner is hand-written, the same form is used as that of an engraved formal invitation.

5. The most personal, formal engraved invitation of any kind is the form in which the guest's name is filled in by hand. This confers a special compliment on the recipient.

6. Teas are generally given by women only. However, they are sometimes given by “Mr. and Mrs.” jointly.

7. One envelope is used for invitations to teas, dances, etc. The tissue may be discarded in mailing invitations engraved upon cards, unless two cards are mailed in one envelope, when a tissue should be placed between them.

8. Invitations may be engraved on plain or paneled sheets or cards.

9. It should not be necessary to have to ask for a reply, but in these changing and rather careless times it has become quite essential in many cases. The most commonly used forms are “Please address reply to (address),” “Please send response to (address),” “R. S. V. P. commonly written ‘R.s.v.p.’ meaning “Répondez s'il vous plaît (Reply if you please)” and “The favour of an answer is requested.”

10. “At home” or “At Home” are usually used on tea invitations in place of "will be at home."

11. Street numbers may be spelled out unless they are too long or they may be put in figures. House numbers are usually put in figures unless they consist of only one figure when they may spelled out if preferred.

12. Dance or tea invitations should be mailed three weeks in advance of the occasion, if possible.

13. “A small dance” is a term frequently used in dance invitations, regardless of the size of the affair. The word “ball” is used only on invitations to a public occasion of this kind. — From, “New American Etiquette,” 1941

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An 1897 Question of Etiquette

 I am in receipt of a card advising me that certain ladies would be at home on certain days. Now, as I am not a society man, I would ask whether the ladies mean that they are at home in the afternoon or in the evening, nothing being mentioned on the card but just the day.

A Gilded Age Gent’s Etiquette Query

Will you kindly help me out of a quandary? I am in receipt of a card advising me that certain ladies would be at home on certain days. Now, as I am not a society man, I would ask whether the ladies mean that they are at home in the afternoon or in the evening, nothing being mentioned on the card but just the day. Also is it necessary to acknowledge the receipt of the card outside of the call which one makes? By answering the above you will greatly relieve THE WRITER. New York, Dec. 4, 1897

What are generally known as “days at home” are informal receptions in the afternoon, and it is only necessary to acknowledge the courtesy of an invitation to such informal receptions, either by a call on one of the appointed afternoons, or, if a call is not possible on the afternoons named, at some other time, or by the sending of a card. The “day at home” is the most informal of all social entertainments. It has grown much in vogue during the past few years in New York and other large cities, and many prominent society women now prefer to have two, three, or four “days at home” during the season rather than go to the trouble and expense of one large afternoon or evening reception. “Days at home” also have the advantage of affording those on a lady’s visiting list more than one opportunity of making a call, and the excellent suggestion has been made that the ladies who purpose holding days at home this Winter should, if possible, where they live in about the same locality, choose the same day. Thus, for example, if those ladies living on lower Fifth Avenue and in adjacent streets between Fourteenth Street and Washington Place, would choose Monday, those living between Fourteenth and Twenty-third Streets would select Tuesdays, those again residing between Twenty third and Thirty-fourth Streets would take Wednesdays, and so on until each fashionable section of the city had, as it were, its day, the labor of calling would be much simplified. –The New York Times, 1897 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Cards and “At Home”

Acknowledging Wedding Cards

Will you kindly tell me how to acknowledge a wedding announcement? —Grace 

Unless the wedding announcement includes the “at home” address of the happy pair, no notice need be taken. If it does, make a call upon the day mentioned, or, if that is impossible, send your card to arrive upon that date. If the announcement is from a very dear friend, a personal note of love and good wishes would not be amiss. 

Two Questions

Will you please tell me where I can get a good book on etiquette? Would it be correct to have the day of the week best suited for me to receive callers put on my calling cards? —Mrs. A. L. 

For your first question I must ask you to send me a self-addressed stamped envelope. It will be perfectly correct for you to have an “at home” day engraved upon your visiting card. But be sure you adhere strictly to the day given and remain at home all prepared for visitors. – Madame Merrk, Sausalito News, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and "Card Droppers"

From the “Department of Stationery”– A late 1800’s registration and insurance card from a calling card order. It is also a suggestion that one have them save the steel-plate for Mrs. William Martin’s next card order.

The cards of the callers are being gotten up by the Broadway engravers in various unique styles, comic effects predominating in the designs, though a few attempts at poetical graces in delicacy of workmanship and suggestiveness of allegory to be remarked. The orders for such cards have been filled by the million. There never was such a demand as that which prevailed last week among the trade in bristol-board. This is accounted for by those best acquainted with the rules of social etiquette, by the great popularity of the new rule of leaving cards, instead of calling and gorging and guzzling in proof of good feeling for the party at whose expense you gorge and guzzle. Very sensible reform, truly— at least so think the engravers. –The New York Times, 1871

Back when calling cards were used more than business cards, the etiquette for calling cards was very strict and well-defined. Here are a few of the rules:

Husbands and Wives–

• When the wife is calling, she can leave cards of the husband and sons if it is impossible for them to do so themselves.
• After an entertainment, cards of the family can be left for the host and hostess by either the wife or any of the daughters.

Leaving Cards in Person– 

• When cards with a message of congratulation are left in person, nothing should be written on it.

Leaving Cards in Person at Afternoon Teas– 

• Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, although their names may be announced upon entering the drawing-room. 
• Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided, or give them to the servant at the door.

Men’s Cards–

• A bachelor should not use “At Home” cards as a woman does, nor to invite his friends by writing a date and “Music at Four” on his calling card in place of an invitation. 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia