Airport Etiquette

Our resident travel etiquette guru, Elizabeth Soós of Auersmont School of Etiquette, is traveling again. So I asked if so would share some of her favorite etiquette tips for when at the airport. Her advice is below…

You have chosen and bought tickets to your dream destination, and you cannot wait to start your holidays, relax, and completely disconnect from everything... but can you? With proper preparation and by remaining punctual, you’ll be able to breathe easily and enjoy your trip from the get-go. 

Before you even leave home you, of course, checked your bag to see if you have your passport. When you finally get to the airport in peak-time traffic, you are herded through security, having to pack and unpack, pulling out your boarding pass repeatedly, not the experience you want to start with! Going on holidays or traveling for business has its own set of guidelines, even at the airport. Here is what you need to know.

What Is Airport Etiquette?

Part of it is proper preparation. If you want a smooth, hassle free experience, make sure you have these items in a folder ready to-go: A valid and up-to-date or in-date passport, visa, insurance, travel itinerary and driver’s license or other similar ID. You never know what the check-in officer will ask. Recently, I quickly realized that I may need an e-visa, thanks to the recent shift in geo-politics. Realizing this, I was breaking out in cold-sweat. Fortunately, the check-in officer never asked for a visa. I was traveling to France and required to purchase a e-visa if I was staying over 90 days, I was staying a little over 30 days. That was a narrow escape!

Before leaving home make sure you weigh your baggage one or twice. Airlines take pleasure in making money from your overweight suitcase to beat the money drain, pre-buy extra weight or leave a 1kg-500g margin of error when it comes to your luggage weight. This has been drummed into me at my expense. When travelling from developing nations, checking the weight of your baggage becomes main point of contention and some countries don’t allow you to pay via credit card! Also make sure that any liquids are placed in your luggage and not your carry-on, you do not want to throw out that expensive hand lotion you just purchased.

Airport Dress-Clothing Etiquette

Take a good look of yourself in the mirror…I am here to tell you that a neat and well-arranged outfit is defiantly “the go-to” flight and airport outfit. Leave the tracksuit and the Pilates pants in the suitcase. Being well dressed shows that you are a seasoned traveller and if anything goes wrong, you look credible and serious. It could be that you wear comfortable, ironed pants, a sleeved top with a jacket or jumper with an immaculate bag and clean shoes. It could be jeans with a shirt and clean, white sneakers. Keep it simple but chic.

You have now got your boarding tickets safely between the pages of your passport and you have directly put it in your bag. That prevents loss and scamming. Now it is time to relax….Well, we are not there yet!

Airport Security Etiquette

Passing through passport control your next crucial step. It’s always important to act respectfully and refrain from alarming the staff. Stay mindful of those around you who most likely will be concerned about your frame of mind and security. I remember going on my first trip back to Pakistan after marriage. I must have looked so tired and was asked a question by a member of immigration personnel, which didn’t really register with me. This led him to ask me if I was comfortable going back to Pakistan. Realizing the stir I was causing, I promptly smiled and said that I had been to Pakistan many times and found it a great place to travel. Crisis adverted!

Take time to walk around looking at duty-free products and casually siting where your gate is located. It will help with the hours of sitting that you must do once you board. Go and eat and drink something small. If you like plane food, then avoid eating too much. I remember sitting around a table in Mayotte discussing Air Austral’s new “gourmet” invention, dubbed by travelers, “the pizz-wich”. It is a pizza sandwich, much to the horror of French food sensibilities. I found a lot of hilarity in watching the reactions of French flyers, who were both disgusted and amused when talking about this 2-in-1 food item.

Airport Lounge Etiquette

If you have enough points or purchased an airport lounge access, then enter and remember to use your time waiting mindfully. Airport lounges are great place to relax and are meant to make you feel like you are possibly in a hotel and not a stuffy, boring airport. Don’t over-drink or go crazy at the bar (noticeable intoxication can mean you’ll probably be visited by the sky marshal or airport police). 

Lounges provide all types of amenities from food and beverage services to shower service and nap stations. Lounges are wonderful if you want to freshen up early, so that when you step off the plane you are ready to walk straight into that business meeting you’re headed to. Regularly check the time to get to your gate before boarding. Take out any items that you need close to you when sitting down in your allocated seat, then lock your case or your cabin bag, for security, as the boarding hustle will start just in a few moments…

You hear the announcement that you will soon board. Be aware that on larger planes, you will be asked to board section by section. This is where you will truly use your etiquette and politeness. Allow those who are accompanying the elderly, or those with young children, or who are wheelchair bound to board and be seated first. Airlines want you to listen because it actually makes sense. Allow the ones who are seated at the back of the plane then enter first. If boarding goes smoothly, it becomes a quicker board time, and the plane gets to leave earlier. This is a plus, especially if you have a connecting flight.

Be not only the savvy traveler, but the elegant traveler, too. Make it comfortable for everyone including yourself!

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomatic Etiquette and Ambassadors

“M.Paul Claudel, the French ambassador, like all ambassadors, must never be kept waiting. That is an old White House rule. It was the duty of the White House force to speed him to the President, and also to avoid if possible, any hint to him, that he arrived when he shouldn't.” M. Paul Claudel was not only a diplomat, but a French playwright and a poet.– Public domain image of M. Paul Claudel

WASHINGTON, Nov. 22.—A neat little problem in official etiquette has been avoided at the White House because President - elect Roosevelt’s visit to Washington today is an informal one. If a White House reception or dinner party had been by any chance planned, social “precedence’’ experts say that the distinguished visitor’s status would be strictly that of governor of New York state and nothing more. In other words cabinet members would socially outrank him at such a function. However, senators would not. President-elect Roosevelt's overnight stay here will be the first in some time. He turned down a 10 room proferred suite at the Mayflower hotel for a “kitchenette suites,” one with a bedroom, small breakfast room and kitchenette. Last spring the President-elect and Mrs. Roosevelt were in Washington for a dinner given by President Hoover to governors who had attended the Richmond. Va., conference of state executives. They occupied a small suite at the Mayflower hotel, but did not stay overnight, leaving here at 1 a. m. for New York. 

The list of President Hoover’s appointments for the day came out as usual yesterday— 11:45 a.m., Representative French; 12 noon, Representative Britten; 12:15 p.m., the French ambassador. The latter however upset the routine by coming just one hour early, although he may not yet know it. M.Paul Claudel, the French ambassador, like all ambassadors, must never be kept waiting. That is an old White House rule. It was the duty of the White House force to speed him to the President, and also to avoid if possible, any hint to him, that he arrived when he shouldn't. Pat McKenna, the usher, whisked the ambassador to Theodore Joslin, presidential secretary. “Just a moment, Mr. Ambassador.” said Joslin, bowing himself into the Presidential office, where Mr. Hoover was busy with problems of government. A moment later he returned. “Just step inside,” he said. And M. Claudel, still blithely ignorant of his prematureness stepped inside and paid his respects to the President, as new temporary dean of the diplomatic corps. “Any war debts talk,” Mr. Ambassador," chorused reporters when he came out. “War debts? Non, non, non, ’ he said, shaking his head. “I am just paying my respects. I have a hollow hat. Empty inside —I’m just dean of the corps.” – United Press International, 1932

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette Observations

Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.

SENSIBLE SAYINGS

That leisure is wasted which is not made to yield improvement of some sort.

We cannot be wise in everything, but we can at least be punctual to our engagements.

There is more than sadness in some of the sacrifices made by our American girls to marry a title.

The man who fails to “grind his ax” is the one who fears that the country is going straight to destruction and proclaims it the most loudly. 

The man or woman who speaks in the simplest, most direct and unequivocal language, is least liable to be misunderstood or to suffer the mortification of explanation or correction. — Original in Good Housekeeping, 1890

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Dinner Giving

In an age of questionable kitchen appliances it was often difficult to time meals, thus the best cooks and chefs were in high demand. — “It is very rude to keep other guests waiting for you, and to disturb the serenity of the hostess by delaying her dinner, thereby impairing the quality of the cooked viands.” 

In giving a dinner party it is very essential to know how many guests one is going to entertain. It is a serious inconvenience to have any doubt on the subject. Invitations are usually sent out in the following form:

The four capital letters constitute the initials of four French words, meaning "Answer if you please" (Respondez S'il vous plait). The person thus invited must not fail to reply at once, sending a messenger to the door with the note. It is considered impolite to send it by post, and then you are never certain that it will be received. 

If the person invited has any doubt about being able to attend the dinner at the time stated, he should decline the invitation at once. He should be positive one way or the other, not delaying sending the answer more than one day.

A prompt and decided answer declining, enables Mrs. Jones to supply the place with some other person, thereby preventing a vacant chair at the table. The same rule is applicable to a "German," as a well-bred hostess will not invite more than her house will comfort ably accommodate, and it is important for her to know at once if you intend to accept or decline her invitation.

On the appointed day of the dinner, the guest should arrive at the house ten or fifteen minutes before the appointed hour for dinner; avoid arriving too early, but never be too late. It is very rude to keep other guests waiting for you, and to disturb the serenity of the hostess by delaying her dinner, thereby impairing the quality of the cooked viands. 

She should not be expected to wait more than ten of fifteen minutes for any one. If an engagement makes a very early departure from a dinner party or other entertainment imperative, a guest should mention the fact to the hostess beforehand, and make his departure without leave taking, and unobserved. if possible, so as not to suggest the departure of others.

When the guests are assembled in the drawing room, the host or hostess can quietly intimate to each gentleman the lady he will take to the dining room, and how to find his place at the table. When the dinner is announced, the host should lead the way with the lady guest of honor, the hostess being the last to leave the drawing room.— From “Housekeeping and Dinner Giving in Kansas City,” Mrs. Willis, 1887

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Summer Party Etiquette

The Royal Butler, Grant Harrold (pictured), has revealed his insider tips for the perfect royal etiquette for your summer parties.

From a former Royal butler – “…you've been you’ve been using your napkin all wrong!” Insider tips on how to get YOUR summer party etiquette spot on

A summer party doesn’t need to be hard work, even if you choose to include some formal touches. According to butler Grant Harrold, who spent many years with the Royal Household, the basic rules are rather simple.

Did you know there is a specific way to lay your serviettes, for example? Or whether or not you need to hold up your pinky when holding a teacup? These tips and tricks will ensure all guests know exactly where they are now that the summer dining season has arrived.

If you're planning to celebrate this summer, you might want to brush up on your napkin-folding techniques. With years of experience serving the royal family, follow these tips and your party is sure to be a success.

 

1. How to set your napkins

If you're going to be serving food at your summer party, then napkins are a must. The Royal Butler said there's a specific way to lay napkins that is true to royal etiquette.

The first thing to keep in mind is that napkins should be folded in half. But, there's a catch. The crease should face towards the gentleman, and away from the lady.

'This is because ladies traditionally apply lipstick. By folding the napkins in a certain way, they can lift up one corner, dab their lips, and then place the napkin back down to conceal their lipstick stain.'

The napkin crease should face away from the lady so they can lift up one corner, dab their lips and put it down in a way that hides their lipstick stain (stock image)

2. How shall we snack?

'On a royal sofa, bowl foods and canapes are permitted' Grant says. This is great news for bank holiday celebrations, as your guests can enjoy 'picky bits' fit for royalty in true British style.

However, while bowl foods and canapes are a great choice to snack on, the Royal Butler says to make sure you don't make a mess and watch out for any crumbs!

Your guests can enjoy 'picky bits' fit for royalty in true British style according to the Royal Butler.

3. Pinky finger or no pinky finger? That is the question

The tradition of holding out your pinky finger while drinking tea or coffee is a common practice that many people associate with proper etiquette.

However, the Royal Butler sheds light on the true origin of this tradition.

'Holding a pinky is a myth' he says, 'It goes back to the days when cups did not have handles. I tell people who do this that they are not testing the wind direction, they are enjoying a cup of tea or coffee.'

So, no need to hold out your pinky finger while you sip tea over the summer holidays!

There's no need to hold out your pinky finger while you sip tea over the bank holiday (stock)

4. How should guests sit on the sofa?

Sitting on the sofa like a royal is no straightforward task, the Royal Butler says.

'Before sitting down, use your calves to gently touch the front of the sofa. This ensures that you're in the right position to sit down with grace, and also helps to prevent any accidental missteps.

'When sitting down on the sofa, be sure to keep your back straight and your posture upright. Once you're seated, you can raise yourself slightly and push yourself back onto the sofa to achieve a comfortable and relaxed position.

'Try not to cross your legs whilst sitting on the sofa, unless it's a less formal event.

Sitting on the sofa like a royal is no straightforward task, the Royal Butler says.

'If possible, limit the number of people sitting on the sofa to two. As the Royal Butler says, 'two is company, three is a crowd.'

He added: 'When it comes to handbags and accessories, make sure they're not causing any unnecessary clutter. Place handbags on the floor, and if you would like to keep a small bag with you, consider placing it behind your back or on your lap.'

5. What time should guests arrive?

According to the Royal Butler, your guests should arrive at the exact time given. However, in some cases, a delay of up to ten minutes may be acceptable.

'If your guests are going to be any later, they should inform you in advance' says Grant.

According to the Royal Butler, your guests should arrive at the exact time given.

Grant Harrold was talking in partnership with Delcor, the British furniture maker. – From an article in MailOnline.com, July, 2023

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Car Pool and Ride-share Etiquette

A car pool or ride-share arrangement can lead to disagreements unless the members of the car pool observe rules of etiquette.

In large companies whose many employees come from far and near, car pools will usually spring up, formed by people who live in the same area and want to share commuting expenses. Either the members take turns driving their cars, or one member drives regularly and the others pay him their share of expenses. In either case the arrangement can lead to disagreements unless the members of the car pool observe rules of etiquette.

General rules of etiquette for the car pool. Here are some basic rules:

1. Be punctual. Driver and passengers must realize that to hold up the others is impolite and can cause them to be late. It is best to have a definite agreement on what the latest time is that the pool can leave, and to stick to it.

2. Let others know of a change in plans. It is inconsiderate to neglect to notify the others of a change in plans. Naturally, this is especially true when you are the driver, but it applies to passengers as well. Even if by agreement the group will leave at a given time if you don't arrive, it is polite to tell someone that you won't be there and save the group the wait and the uncertainty. For this reason it is best if each member has the phone number of the others.

3. Don't offend through personal habits. In the close quarters of an automobile, personal habits are accentuated, especially offensive ones. This makes it essential that you show extra care. To smoke a cigar, for example, would not be considerate unless you knew that no one in the pool would object. Insisting on a window seat or on some other preferred treatment will only create ill will.

When you are a passenger. As a rider in a car pool you have certain responsibilities toward the driver:

1. Respect the driver's property. Do not drop cigarettes or cigarette ashes on the upholstery. Close car doors gently. In short, treat the car you ride in as if it were your own.

2. Be prompt in payment. If yours is a pool where payment is involved, don't make the driver have to ask you for it. This can be an embarrassing situation for both of you. To avoid it, pay the driver promptly on the day agreed upon.

3. Don't ask the driver to be your private chauffeur. Even if you are paying for your ride, don't ask the driver to go out of his way to help you do any of your special errands. Of course, in an emergency this rule can be relaxed.

4. Help, or at least offer to help, the driver with emergency repairs. It is extremely inconsiderate to sit in the car while the driver is changing a tire or doing some other emergency work.

When you are the driver. If you are the driver in a car pool, you have special responsibilities, too:

1. Drive safely. The lives of your passengers are in your hands. Drive with prudence and remember that unnecessary sudden stops or jackrabbit starts can make the ride an uncomfortable and uneasy one for your riders.

2. Keep your car in good repair. Regular maintenance will pre- vent breakdowns that can greatly inconvenience both you and your riders. Don't leave broken windows, doors and the like in disrepair — an open window can defeat even the best car heater on a cold winter's day!

3. Make sure you have adequate insurance. Even if insurance is not compulsory in your state, make sure that you are protected against any liability that might arise out of an accident.

4. Make definite financial arrangements with your riders. If cash payments are involved in your car pool, each member should know exactly what he has to pay and when you expect him to pay it. Some people feel that it is polite to appear casual or reticent about these matters; actually, it is inconsiderate to be anything but clear. It only embarrasses your passengers when a mixup occurs because they weren't sure of the rules. — From, the “Business Etiquette Handbook,” by Parker Publishing Company Inc., West Nyack, NY

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

What to Do at the Table

 

6 Categories of "Always Do" 
Table Manners

As opposed to the things we never do while sharing a meal with others, there are things we should always do.

Using the following “Always Do” examples as a checklist will make you a delightful dinner guest, dining partner, and one who leads by example.

Perfect Punctuality

• Have a heart for your host.  This is the person who went to the trouble to organize the party you’re attending and then worries if a diner will show up, has the inconvenience of holding off on calling people to the table when someone is late, or has to adjust or rearrange the evening’s time frame. 
• Whether for a host or a fellow guest, your arriving on time is important for providing a positive dining experience for everyone.  

Promptness is the first element to consider in making and leaving a positive impression.

A Smile Shows It!

• It’s impossible to wear a smile and not affect others or yourself positively.
• Your smile is evidence of your positive attitude – one of the most important qualities to have when spending time with other people. 
• Smiling affects your own body as a stress reliever, mood improver, blood pressure adjuster, immune booster.  It’s only natural that others will be drawn to you when you smile.

Smiles are peaceful and relaxing to others.  It’s no wonder that laughter also has a place at the table.

Contribute to Winning Table Conversations

• It’s a great idea ahead of time to write down ten possible conversation starter questions.  No one will know you aren’t a natural born conversationalist. 
• Say positive things about the food and be generous with “Thank you” and “Please.”
• If asked if you like (or don’t like) the food, simply say, “I am enjoying my food!  Thank you for asking,” or “Thank you!  Everything is lovely!”
• When you leave the table, pick up on someone’s departing comments and compliment the statement.  Or offer a final reflection of the good time you had.  
• Even if a gathering is for a somber event, being as convivial as possible according to the occasion, will be experienced as a relief and peace of mind. 
• Listening well is helpful to not only the table conversation but your own mindfulness of the food and why you are there. 

Sharing and caring thoughts are general guidelines for good conversation.

Offer Little Gestures of Respect

• The gift you bring for your host is an expression of gratitude for being invited.  It won’t be a topic of conversation.
• When food has been passed to you, continue to pass the food to the person next to you after serving yourself.
• If a person has spinach on her teeth, silently get her attention and gesture quietly.  
• When someone has something to say, find a positive response or respectful question to ask about it.  
• If another person makes a faux pas, let it slide by unnoticed. 
• If you need to leave the table, do so between courses, first saying, “Excuse me.”  
• If you finish your meal first, wait until the host signals that the meal has ended before loosely folding and placing your napkin on the table. 

Etiquette is the physical means of showing respect for others.  And we know that it’s the little things that count.

Follow the Leadership of Your Host at All Times

• Your host will welcome you and let you know where and when to sit.
• The host will welcome the group and will place his napkin on his lap to signal the beginning of the meal.
• If the host notes a time constraint, model your order at a restaurant similar to his.
• If a toast is offered, participate.  It’s okay to follow suit if you have a toast to make later in the meal.  Toasting the host is appropriate.
• When the meal is over the host will place her napkin on the table.  Everyone else at the table should do the same as quickly as possible.  (It’s true: you may have to leave food unfinished.  No doggie bags/boxes, please.)

Hosts carry a lot of responsibility.  They are the leaders of the event.

Wrap It Up with Gratitude

• Thank your host for the wonderful occasion and let her know she’s appreciated. 
• A written thank-you note will reinforce your gratitude.

Beneficence or generosity is a main pillar of society.  To paraphrase Adam Smith, 19th century moral philosopher, when someone chooses to do something good for you, this calls for a reward—perhaps a gesture of appreciation—because of the gratitude you feel.

Remembering what you should always do when sharing a meal with other people is easy when summarized.  The bottom line is that you remain positive, kind, and grateful.  The magic of possessing these qualities is that you find yourself surrounded by positive, kind, and grateful people!

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, Social Graces and Locality

The sloppy woman, hunched over with her elbows on the table is obviously unaware how bad she looks. The woman on the right will need tact to break herself from the acquaintance.  – “It has sometimes happened that undesirable residents have invaded good neighborhoods—it requires time to make discoveries of that nature —and kind-hearted women are frequently led into an embarrassing intimacy. It must be broken, of course, but the woman passes through the experience successfully must be a woman of tact.”

More of “Betty Bradeen’s Daily Chat”

Etiquette is largely a matter of locality—politeness is an important department of everyday life. Among “fashionables” etiquette is a finicky list ot details for which girls are trained, and to which new members of the fashionable set come straight from the polishing hands of persons who are versed in the ways of that particular set. In middle-class localities there is a varying degree of etiquette, and in lower circles formality is entirely dispensed with. 

Kindness prompts one to call upon new arrivals in a neighborhood and if the call is not returned, or objections are found to prolonging the acquaintance, the matter may be allowed to settle down to a pleasant exchange of greetings at accidental meetings. The cut direct is a form of rudeness that is never excused, save on the ground of personal grievance. It costs nothing to be agreeable, and saves much in the way of unpleasant, feeling. 

It has sometimes happened that undesirable residents have invaded good neighborhoods—it requires time to make discoveries of that nature —and kind-hearted women are frequently led into an embarrassing intimacy. It must be broken, of course, but the woman passes through the experience successfully must be a woman of tact. I have seen it done by absence from home or a period of exaggerated invalidism—I have also seen it done without a thought of injured feelings and the hatred they are capable of engendering. Kindness prompts assistance to neighbors and friends in time of trouble. A timely answer to letters, prompt acceptance of invitations and immediate notification of inability to accent or keep an engagement. The hostess who is kept on the anxious seat without good reason is badly treated, and would be justified in meting out proper punishment. 

There is one point where general carelessness is shown – few of us even try to be prompt in meeting appointments. In the lobby of any playhouse, one may always find men and women anxiously awaiting the arrival of tardy companions, and my own experience holds numerous occasions where the opening number of concerts was entirely lost and the first act of plays so nearly, so that the thread of the plot was hard to pick up. There may be an occasional good reason for tardiness, but the bulk of it is caused by sheer carelessness or indifference. Men are the real victims, because women who are lax expect to find the same fault in members of their own sex – but men are martyrs from choice, as a systematic course of neglect would reform the whole world of women. – Sacramento Union, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Theatricals

Patrons arriving after the rise of certaln will not be seated until after the close of the act in progress at the time of their arrival. This action is taken in justice to those who have cultivated the commendable habit of being punctual.

“They Like to Make a Display”

Theatrical Managers Discuss a Rule to Squelch the Richly Dressed Late-Comers

WHETHER or not the majority who arrive at the theater before the curtain goes up shall be annoyed and have their pleasure interrupted by the minority who come late, is a matter that is attracting the attention of the theatrical managers of the city. The discussion of the subject was brought about by the publication in The San Francisco Call recently of a rule which is fully enforced in Eastern cities. 

In one of the popular theaters of Denver, the adopted rule is as follows: "Patrons arriving after the rise of curtain will not be seated until after the close of the act in progress at the time of their arrival. Accommodations will be provided for seating late-comers in the rear of the theater until that time. This action is taken in justice to those who have cultivated the commendable habit of being punctual." 

While the managers all agree as to the justice and desirability of such a rule and would be as glad to hail its general advent as they were that of the ordinance which made Captain Hottanzi famous, and relegated for all time the big theater hat to its proper place, they do not think it can be made a success in San Francisco. 

"The rule is a very proper one and I sincerely hope some way may be found to bring about its adoption in an effective manner," said J. J. Gottlob of the firm of Friedlander, Gottlob & Co., managers of the Baldwin, Columbia and California theaters. "For instance. you take such plays as were presented by Henry Miller, where the utmost quiet and attention were required for their proper appreciation. It was a gross imposition upon those who arrived promptly to have people come stringing in all through the first act, spoiling the scenes for others and distracting the players. 

"The women are the worst culprits in this respect," continued Mr. Gottlob. "In many instances this late coming is the result of false pride. Some have a beautiful new gown or wrap, and it is necessary that they should come in late so that there can be no possibility of their being overlooked by the other women.

“Yes. I am late. But look at my fabulous new wrap from Paris!”

Then there is that class who are afraid their friends present will not know they are at the theater unless they come in about the middle of the first act, and the higher the price of the ticket, the more such people seem to feel obligated to commit this infraction of the niceties of playhouse etiquette. 

It is hard to regulate such people, because if they could not do these things, the play would have little attraction for them. However, you can take these same individuals under other circumstances and they pride themselves on their politeness and good breeding. 

"Probably the only way such a nuisance can be abolished will be by the force of public sentiment. If these late-comers were convinced that the early comers they so regularly annoy, regard them as ill-bred people who do not know any better, they would soon find it fashionable to be in their seats before the rise of the curtain." "I tried that scheme a part of one evening, and nearly had a riot," said Mark Thall, manager of the Alcazar, "and I am content to let people have their own way in this matter. I am the grandfather of the managers of this coast, and through a lifetime of experience, I have evolved the idea that I don't want to pose as a reformer. 

The other fellows can do that. I believe In conducting my theater in the same manner that a first-class dry-goods house is run— keep what the people want and give it to them without playing favorites. This matter of punctual and late coming is between the playgoers, and if the early comers, who are the majority, cannot suppress the objectionable late comers, it is their own fault. 

The proud Papa who shows up late to the theater, so as to show off his four marriageable daughters.

In this matter, notwithstanding, it would be very delightful to have such a rule accepted. I propose to keep right in the middle of the road. I have had enough of trying to regulate these swelled-head, young bucks who think that because they have bought a seat or two they own the theater. They are the fellows who would block this game, for they have neither manners nor sense." 

"Such a rule could not be successfully applied to a vaudeville house," said Manager Morriaty of the Orpheum, "but if I were running a legitimate house, I would expect to make a failure if I did not protect the best class of my patrons in that way. These late comers don't care for the play. They are the kind of people who will pay $7 to hear Melba, and not arrive until the latter part of the first act. They don't understand the music and don't care to, but they know how to make themselves conspicuous and a nuisance to those who are there to enjoy the attraction." 

The New Comedy Theater has adopted the rule and put it in force successfully on Monday night. "Our theory," said Manager Kllinghouse, "Is to at all times, comply with the wishes of our patrons in every possible way, and in justice to our early comers we are in duty bound to carry out the policy of instructing our ushers to seat the house to the rise of the curtain on the first act, then to keep in waiting until each act is at an end for the seating of patrons that may enter the auditorium, who would then be seated, between acts. 

This policy is being carried to a successful issue in all the leading theaters in the East, and should be adopted by the local theaters of this city. We appeal to our patrons in this cause, as our policy in the future will be carried out as above announced." — San Francisco Call, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Tips From 1891

Copperplate and calling cards from the late 19th century ~"When calling, etiquette requires that a card be sent up. It will show that you have called, and if friends are at home, will prevent any confusion from mispronunciation of your name by the servant.  When the lady of the house is not at home, a card must be left, and if there are two or more ladies, the turning down of one corner of the card signifies that the call was intended for all the family, If cards to be left preparatory to leaving town, the initials p. p. c. ("pour prendre conge" or "presents parting compliments"), must be written in the left hand corner. If the departure is a hurried one, the card may be sent by a servant, but it is in better taste to leave it in person."
From Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society

The Number of Cards to Leave:


An authority on manners and social customs thus solves the sometimes perplexing question of how many cards to leave: "Upon a married lady whose husband is living, by a married lady whose husband is living, one of the lady's cards and two of her husband's. "Upon a married lady with a daughter in society, two of the lady's and three of the husband's." A gentleman in making a call, sends in, or leaves a card for each of the ladies of the family. If he is calling upon a young lady who is a guest in a household to which he is a stranger, he must ask to see her hostess at the same time and also send her his card.
                                       

A silver calling card tray made a wonderful silver anniversary gift in the late 1800s.

Wedding Anniversaries:


Following is one way in which the list of wedding anniversaries is enumerated: The wooden wedding is celebrated on the fifth anniversary of the marriage, the tin wedding on the tenth, the crystal wedding on the fifteenth, the linen wedding on the twentieth, and the silver wedding on the twenty-fifth. The next is the golden wedding on the fiftieth anniversary; the diamond wedding is on the sixtieth.                                               

"Every one respects a woman who can smilingly keep her temper." Better yet, Etiquipedia feels that a good sense of humor can't hurt! 

                                                           
Useful Hints:

A letter sent by one friend or acquaintance to another, through the hands of a friend or acquaintance of either or both, should always be unsealed.

Silver or linen given to a bride is marked with the initials of her maiden name.

Temper has been called the "climate of the mind," but people who keep others waiting are the promoters of a blizzard. Morally speaking, women should not quarrel with each other anywhere, but especially not in crowds, every one respects a woman who can smilingly keep her temper.

Olives should be taken from the dish with a spoon or olive fork and not with the fingers, though they are afterward eaten by aid of the digits. 

Good table manners are founded on habits of punctuality, neatness and order. -San Francisco, 1891

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Punctuality

Taking care of the morning marketing (1894)

A Great Unwritten Law–

Promptness at meals is a virtue of which absence has caused deep anguish of spirit to countless long suffering housewives. The tardiness at breakfast from indulgence in a last nap, or at luncheon from a too protracted shopping expedition, or at dinner from an over extended round of calls, may seem a trivial to the delinquent, but Harper's Bazaar reminds sinners in this respect that to the housekeeper it means injury to the food and disturbance of her own peace of mind. 

The habit of always being ready when a meal is announced should be especially binding upon a guest. For one who is receiving the hospitality of a home, to ignore it by disregarding its customs, is the extreme of ill breeding. 

Conformity to the rules of the house in this respect, and in the particular of not presenting one's self in the drawing room at an uncanny hour in the morning, should be observed by all visitors, while the duty of always being ready on time when invited to go for a drive or to go to some entertainment would seem too obvious to be mentioned were it not that one sees this unwritten law so constantly violated. –From Harper's Bazaar, May of 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette from Brillat Savarin's “The Physiology of Taste"

A French born lawyer and politician, (1783-1833) writer Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin gained his fame as an epicure and gastronome and helped found the genre of the gastronomic essay. He made famous the aphorism, "Tell me what you eat, and I'll tell you who you are." He believed that food defined a nation. 

APHORISMS OF THE PROFESSOR- 

TO SERVE AS PROLEGOMENA TO HIS WORK AND ETERNAL BASIS TO THE SCIENCE...

"The Creator, when he obliges man to eat, invites him to do so by appetite, and rewards him by pleasure."

I. The universe would be nothing were it not for life and all that lives must be fed.

II. Animals fill themselves; man eats. The man of mind alone knows how to eat.

III. The destiny of nations depends on the manner in which they are fed.

IV. Tell me what kind of food you eat, and I will tell you what kind of man you are.

V. The Creator, when he obliges man to eat, invites him to do so by appetite, and rewards him by pleasure.

VI. Gourmandise is an act of our judgment, in obedience to which, we grant a preference to things which are agreeable, over those which have not that quality.                   

The drunkenness of Noah :"Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking."

VII. The pleasure of the table belongs to all ages, to all conditions, to all countries, and to all areas; it mingles with all other pleasures, and remains at last to console us for their departure.

VIII. The table is the only place where one does not suffer, from ennui during the first hour.

IX. The discovery of a new dish confers more happiness on humanity, than the discovery of a new star.

X. Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking.
             

"A dessert without cheese is like a beautiful woman who has lost an eye."

XI. The order of food is from the most substantial to the lightest.

XII. The order of drinking is from the mildest to the most foamy and perfumed.

XIII. To say that we should not change our drinks is a heresy; the tongue becomes saturated, and after the third glass yields but an obtuse sensation.

XIV. A dessert without cheese is like a beautiful woman who has lost an eye.

XV. A cook may be taught, but a man who can roast, is born with the faculty.

XVI. The most indispensable quality of a good cook is promptness. It should also be that of the guests.

XVII. To wait too long for a dilatory guest, shows disrespect to those who are punctual.

XVIII. He who receives friends and pays no attention to the repast prepared for them, is not fit to have friends.

XIX. The mistress of the house should always be certain that the coffee be excellent; the master that his liquors be of the first quality.

XX. To invite a person to your house is to take charge of his happiness as long as he be beneath your roof.

From Brillat Savarin's “The Physiology of Taste," 1825