Wedding Traditions and Superstitions

From the “Gilded Age,” which truly was the golden age of flatware design, comes and 1895 advertisement for Pairpoint Manufacturing Company, placed in Harper’s Bazaar Magazine. It was touting the etiquette correctness of using the proper serving accoutrements for “Luxurious Fruits” and the “Garden’s Tempting Dainties.” These gilded age utensils are some of the most popular antique flatware pieces and sets sold on sites like Ruby Lane, eBay and Etsy. Their diminutive size and uniqueness make them an ideal wedding gift and they were so plentiful, it’s often easy to find some which match, or mix and match, with a pattern they have registered for or already own.

With all of the variables involved in planning and executing the picture perfect wedding, (i.e. Will it be raining or will the sun shine? Will certain family members call a ‘cease-fire’ for the day? Will more guests than those who “r.s.v.p.’d” actually show up? Will I make a fool of myself and trip down the aisle?) it’s no wonder that brides have for so long, maintained that time honored tradition of calling for good luck on their big days, with the use of one easily recited poem. 

All together now; “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue”. Yes, it is very easy to remember, even easier to recite, and for some strange reason that I can’t understand, reserved just for the wedding day itself. With that in mind, I have a truly novel idea for today’s bride to be. Why just reserve the call for good luck for your big day? Why not also spread your wishes for good luck, all throughout the planning and partying stages of your impending nuptials? 

Incorporating the Victorian Era’s superstition-based prose of those somethings old, new, borrowed and blue, in your plans, certainly couldn’t hurt anything. It might even bring you more luck, by sparking a sudden burst of creativity that can carry you smoothly, from the start of the engagement to all the way down that aisle. Just think of the possibilities. Why, I can think of four already. Here’s just one:

“Something old” is actually one of the fastest growing trends of bridal registry in recent years. Old silver patterns are hot, especially among the couples who have already made one or two trips down the aisle before. According to those who track retail trends, registering for Continental sized flatware and previously archaic sounding or obsolete serving pieces, have made a big comeback in the last few years. Big enough that silver sales online are booming on sites like Ruby Land, eBay and Etsy, and silver manufacturers are dusting off some of those patterns that were previously discontinued for numerous years, and are producing them once again. 

Ornate and showy pieces from the era of opulence, the Gilded Age, are gracing the dining tables of newlyweds at a head-spinning pace. Who are the couples that are selecting styles like the elaborate, art nouveau period designed “Love Disarmed”, or more masculine appealing “Lion” pattern, for their wedding gift registry? Those who already have the toaster, not to mention the entire kitchen, and who possibly didn’t get the good stuff the first time around. They are the couples who are registering for sets of individual salt spoons, asparagus tongs, orange spoons, and ice cream forks. For entertaining in style as newlyweds, they would like pâté servers, aspic servers, jelly roll cake servers, and fish slices. 

These brides and their grooms making such tasteful selections for their new lives together, are more settled financially, as are their friends, who are obligingly snapping up the pricey gifts for the lovebirds. The trend is so hot, even wedding fashion designer to the A-list celebrity crowd, Vera Wang weighed in with her own line of flatware. However it just doesn’t hold a candle to the splendor and luster of the grand designs of yesteryear that have found a whole new legion of followers. 

So when you are doing your registering, keep in mind this century old missive from one silver manufacturer’s advertisement promoting sales of its petite silver berry forks, “Luxurious fruits and the garden’s tempting dainties are made more appetizing if correctly served”. 

If you remain superstitious however, the original Victorian poem does have one oft forgotten line at the end you might want to heed. The actual wording was; “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe”. The last line is one which many brides aren’t even aware of, and it’s no wonder to me. I’m guessing that over the years, brides have happily ignored it, even if they did know of it. After all, what bride really wants to push her luck, hobbling around in brand new designer shoes for an entire day with a coin stuck in one of them? — From an article by Etiquipedia Site Editor, Maura J. Graber, for Inland Empire. Magazine, 2007

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 3

Etiquette changed over the latter part of the 19th century in the United States. When this book was written in 1855, it was still poor etiquette to use cherry forks or other diminutive forks for eating the small fruits and berries. By the Gilded Age, these forks for fruits were quite proper and sold in sets of 4, 6, 8 and more! – “Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.”

The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.

With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. 

Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.

In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.

If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.

In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.

When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you. 

Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.

Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”

Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner. 

Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.

Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.

Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.

The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.

After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.

In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.

A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Fork History

Had the luxurious Romans been users of forks, some specimens of the implement would certainly have been found in the ruins of Herculaneum and Pompeii. But though they fed themselves with their fingers, it must not be imagined that the medievalists were altogether forkless. – Shown left to right- A modern 2-tined appetizer fork, a 19th c. berry fork and a 19th c. strawberry fork.

Dining, Fingers and Forks 

“Fingers were made before forks,” says the familiar adage that had its origin in the warm disdain with which our ancestors of the seventeenth century repudiated the Italian table-fork as a fantastic and even impious contrivance.
Products of necessity, the first culinary forks were devised for the benefit of cooks bent on withdrawing meat from a boiling caldron. The Greek creagra –a staff, fitted at the lower end with a hook or with prongs that bore a distant resemblance to human fingers—was a crude pot-fork, which, though greatly serviceable to cooks, would have been of no convenience to a reclining gourmand. Possessing several varieties of this kitchen tool, the Romans, notwithstanding their care for the caprice as well as the comfort of epicurian feasters, never produced a table fork. 

Caylus and Grignon, indeed, maintained that table forks were not absolutely unknown to imperial gastronomers; but their opinion, which never had the testimony of sufficient facts, has been altogether discredited. Had the luxurious Romans been users of forks, some specimens of the implement would certainly have been found in the ruins of Herculaneum and Pompeii. But though they fed themselves with their fingers, it must not be imagined that the medievalists were altogether forkless. Forty years since, a fork, of Anglo-Saxon manufacture, was discovered in Wiltshire, England, under circumstances which leave no room for doubt that it was made at least as early as the latter part of the ninth century. Another Anglo-Saxon fork, described in Ackerman’s Pagan Saxondom, is a bone handled implement, that some foppish thane may have used, to the mingled surprise and contempt of his simpler acquaintances. And from that period to the close of the Tudor time there is evidence that our ancestors had a few forks long before they were commonly placed on the daily table as necessary articles. 

Queen Elizabeth had at least three forks, one of “crystal, garnished with gold and sparks of garnets: another of coral, slightly garnished with gold, a third of gold garnished with two little rubies, two little pearls pendant, and a little coral.” But it is obvious that these daintily set and jeweled tools were never meant for serious use. Presents from courtiers, who sought the Royal smile with gifts curious for their costly whimsicalness, her highness regarded them as toys fitted for the jewel casket rather than for use at the table. She may have used one of them to pick a sweetmeat or a candied fruit from a dish of syrup, but it certainly never occurred to her to put them into sides of venison or the breast of Michelmas goose. To the last, whether eating in public or private, the Virgin Queen fingered her victuals, and would have imputed sheer madness to any courtier who had prophesied that ere another century had passed no member of the royal family would be able to do likewise without arousing the disgust of all beholders. – Albert Gilman, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia