A Gilded Age Ball of Unalloyed Pleasure

While etiquette will be rigidly enforced it will not confine itself to evening suits and gloves…

THE first ball of the season will be given by the Young Men's Institute, No. 87, of Merced, October 10th, at the spacious dining roam of the Tuolumne Hotel, which will be tastefully decorated for the occasion. The orchestra, composing four pieces, will be of especial excellence, while the floor managers promise to unite for the nonce in one common party. Their names indicate strength and dignity, combined with elegance and grace. While etiquette will be rigidly enforced it will not confine itself to evening suits and gloves, but to the general idea of honest, pure, unalloyed pleasure. Such is one of the objects of the Y. M. I., No. 87, of Merced. – Merced Sun-Star, 1888

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette of French Kisses

All types of kisses are allowable on the forehead. Men, especially though, would be wise to check which type of kisses are socially allowable in another country from their own.

It is not considered bad form in Paris to kiss a young woman on the forehead, however slight the acquaintance. Etiquette is more rigorous upon the question of kissing in this country. He is favored, indeed, who can kiss a young woman upon the forehead without getting a bang in the mouth. — Hartford Post, 1886

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and the Introduction of Forks

The earliest forks had only 2 tines. The combination fork and spoon on the far right is called a “Sucket.” Suckets were from the Georgian era and used to eat sticky fruits in syrup and such.

Perhaps the most significant development in culinary art and etiquette came at the beginning of the 17th century with the introduction of the fork into English society. More than anything else, the fork promoted a greater degree of cleanliness at the table: making choicer table linen, more handsome napkin arrangements and finer dining clothes possible for the wealthy. Together, technological advancements in English dining had sparked a cultural revolution. 

People started to define themselves through the artistry of their table settings. Culinary art advanced to higher standards: improving manners by allowing diners to eat “respectably”. New meals and drinking practices were even invented in the 18th Century specifically as occasions in which to demonstrate proper dining etiquette: afternoon tea being, perhaps, the most notable.— From silver groves.co.uk

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Escalators

The Dos and Don'ts

San Francisco artist Helen Tseng summed up the gripes in one illustration commissioned by a website called The Bold Italic. 

Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York, has said he always walks on escalators. Good exercise, yes, but some cities discourage it. And there's one thing obstructing walkers - people who stand.


There are walkers and there are standers, and Mayor Michael Bloomberg is a walker.


In announcing a plan to make New York's buildings more stair-friendly, the mayor said he always walks on escalators.


Most escalator walking happens at underground stations - people don't tend to be in such a hurry in a shopping centre, for instance.


But Bloomberg is still in a minority of escalator users around the world. In London, about 25% of people on the Tube walk on the escalators and in Shanghai only about 3%, according to a study.


And in some countries, walking on escalators is discouraged. On the Toronto subway system, signs that encouraged people to walk on the left were removed at the recommendation of safety experts.


A ban was also considered for Tokyo's transport system but never enforced. And in the UK, people of a certain age will remember the chilling public information films of the 1970s that featured a pair of children's blue wellington boots getting sucked into the machinery. "Stand still and don't walk down," it urged.


Either that message never got through or it was soon forgotten, because any such caution has melted away in the UK. There are 426 escalators on the London Underground and there's a signposted system of standing to the right and walking to the left.


Research in 2011 by the University of Greenwich found that 75% of people at Paddington Tube station stood and the left-right rule was observed by nearly 90% of people.


But the custom varies depending where you are. The same team of researchers, led by Edwin Galea, earlier found that in Shanghai, only 2.4% walked and there was no preferred side to walk on.


Usually there is a walking lane on busy subway escalators, says Galea, and it's not clear if the Shanghai free-for-all reflected a cultural phenomenon or was simply people getting to grips with what was a new station and escalator.


Most escalators across the world that do have a standing/walking system follow the "walk on the left" custom, to speed up the flow. One of the exceptions is Australia, where people walk on the right.


It's interesting that so many countries walk left, says Galea, but no-one's quite sure why. "It could be a random effect, it could be a copy effect, or it could have something to do with the side of the road we drive on. It could be some kind of rationalisation based on this."


The British drive on the left and so choose to walk that side on escalators, he says, but in countries that drive on the right, the rationale could be that you drive on the right so you stand on the right.


But one thing unites all the cities that do have a system - there's conflict when people obstruct the walking lane.


"Able-bodied people standing on the downward escalator are in effect robbing the people behind them of time," says Hamilton Nolan, who writes for Gawker and regularly uses the New York subway.


"Their presumptuous need for leisure may cause everyone behind them to miss a train they would have otherwise caught. Then those people are forced to stand and wait on a subway platform for many extra minutes. Those are precious minutes of life that none of us will get back."


It's not open war, he adds, it's a war waged in the privacy of the enraged minds of walkers who are forced to stand impatiently behind as the escalator slowly descends.


But people who stand defend themselves by telling walkers not to be so impatient, because the escalator is doing the work for them.


On one forum, a stander says: "If the person is in such a rush, why not just take the stairs? Even when the escalator is packed and there's nowhere to move, I see these same people moaning and groaning about not being able to pass."


There are plenty of examples online of frustrated commuters venting their anger about what they regard as anti-social behaviour. Pet gripes are people standing on the wrong side, not leaving enough space between standers, stopping at the top and blocking the way with luggage.


Her picture, published in January, was widely picked up by other media and she thinks the subject tapped into something that people were unconsciously thinking - the etiquette of escalator travel. "Going on escalators is a universal thing, analogous to traffic, and people get traffic rage too."


In Toronto, that tension has been defused since the signs telling people to walk on the left were removed, says commuter Tom Robertson. "You can tell some people get a little annoyed when they are standing behind someone on the left but I've never seen anyone say anything about it. I think many people have forgotten about the signs."


A spokesman for the Toronto Transit Commission said he could not recall any escalator accidents in Toronto.


Indeed, injuries and fatalities on escalators are rare. In Beijing, one died and dozens were injured in 2011 when an escalator suddenly changed direction and threw them off balance. Other cases have involved people being entrapped by clothes or hair, but deaths are very rare.


Despite the blue wellingtons being chewed up in the film, the chance of a stray shoelace or skirt getting caught in the gap between moving steps is minimum, says David Chan of City University London, who researched safety as a consultant on a project to design a curved escalator.


But if you really want to avoid escalators, you should move to Wyoming. The US state has only two escalators, both in a bank. — By Tom Geoghegan, BBC News, Washington , 28 July 2013
Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Courtesy on the Street

On the street a man always walks on the side nearest the curb, whether he is with one woman or several. 

Before discussing the “technique” of how to behave when you are out in the world here are a few simple principles upon which right conduct in public places is founded. One should always be courteous and appreciative of courtesy. An unobtrusive manner and a gracious “Thank you” or “I am sorry”smooth off many rough edges.

On the street a man always walks on the side nearest the curb, whether he is with one woman or several. A man raises his hat whenever he meets a woman he knows, whether he stops to speak to her or merely passes. He also raises it when he is with another man who bows to a woman acquaintance, and when he is with a woman who speaks to someone she knows whether it happens to be an acquaintance of his own or not. He raises it when he has performed a courtesy for some woman whether or not he knows her, such as assisting her should she stumble on a step, or picking up something she has let fall... and he always lifts his hat when leaving a woman he has accompanied. 

When speaking to a woman of his own age a man usually replaces his hat immediately but with an older woman he waits until she suggests that he do so. A man never “takes” a woman's arm when walking on the street in town, though he may “offer” his arm if she is elderly or in need of assistance, or if there is a crowd.– From Etiquette: The Well Bred Way of Doing Things, By Edna Borden Lowe, 1939

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Practice Makes Polite

Because we have a deep-grounded belief that manners, like charity, should begin at home, we are beginning this with what we consider the essentials of this all-important subject.

Manners Improve with Practice

TUCKED away obscurely at the back of most books of etiquette you will usually find a modest page or two about good manners in the home. Perhaps this is because we are supposed to be beautifully behaved within our own doors. Whether or not the assumption is correct, home is decidedly the best laboratory of good manners. Like dancing, skating, golfing and tennis, the little niceties of conduct improve with frequent practice. The people with whom we associate most intimately in our every day lives suffer most if our conduct is thoughtless, and benefit most if it is considerate. Because we have a deep-grounded belief that manners, like charity, should begin at home, we are beginning this little book with what we consider the essentials of this all-important subject.

The Essentials

The very fundamentals of right behavior at home are kindness, appreciation, and respect for the individuality of others. It is not enough to feel kindly– you must act kindly! Be as thoughtful of your husband in the matter of the morning paper as you are in the case of a business disaster. And be as scrupulous about thanking him for opening the door for you as you are when he brings home the new book you so much wanted. It is not enough to respect the individuality of the grown-up members of the family. The age at which a child develops a personality has never been determined exactly. We believe that he comes into the world with it. This personality should be respected– it is what makes him different from anyone else– and it is important!

Never ridicule anyone young or old. The habit of refraining from ridicule will make your home happier and assure you many friends. Never discuss an unpleasant subject at meal times– this will protect the family digestions and save doctor's bills. Do not correct the children in the presence of the family any more than can be helped. And never ... never ... never ... contradict an order given by your husband, if you are a wife, or by your wife, if you are a husband. Husbands and wives should present a united front to their households as well as to the world. If they must have a good healthy quarrel once in a while, let them have it behind closed doors.

Do not unburden your troubles on the members of your family. When real sympathy is needed you may ask for it or give it, but a wife has no right to upset her husband's equanimity because Tommy has been disobedient during the day, nor is a husband justified in inflicting upon his wife a long, sad tale concerning the inefficiency of his stenographer.

Keep up a standard of dress and manners, all day, every day ...remember England has maintained her empire by means of the boiled shirt. Self control is a matter of habit... so is the custom of expressing kindness, which is another way of saying courtesy. When the family is dining at home, the table should be as pretty as possible, and if you are a woman be sure to make some little change in your dress for dinner, if it is only to throw a gay scarf over your shoulders. Then make an effort to be agreeable, so that dinner will be a pleasant interval in the day. If there should be servants present, do not discuss personal matters. Some servants are the supreme expression of loyalty... and some are not. Make a habit of these fundamentals of good manners at home, if for no other reason than because it is the best possible training for good behavior in public. – Etiquette: The Well Bred Way of Doing Things, By Edna Borden Lowe, 1939

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Qatar Etiquette Essentials

Qatar shares the Gulf passion for Arabic coffee, which is prepared by roasting coffee beans then boiling them with cardamom and saffron. —Image source, Qatar Eating.com

Handshakes, shoes and coffee cups:

Doha (AFP) – Home to gleaming skyscrapers and upmarket shopping malls, World Cup host Qatar is also a conservative Muslim country deeply attached to its customs and traditions.


Here are some of the cultural conventions football fans should know when visiting the gas-rich Gulf emirate, which, like other Arab nations, prides itself on its hospitality.

Greetings and handshakes

In public places, it is customary to stand up when greeting others, particularly the elderly, as a sign of respect.

When men are greeting Qatari women, it is best to wait for them to take the lead before reaching for a handshake. Some prefer to avoid physical contact with members of the opposite sex, often for religious reasons.

By the same token, Qatari men might not always offer a handshake when meeting women.

Instead of a handshake, Qataris often place their right hand over their heart as a warm gesture of greeting.

Public displays of affection, including kissing, should largely be avoided. Holding hands, however, is generally accepted.

While use of English is ubiquitous in a country that is 90 percent expat, a knowledge of basic Arabic greetings and expressions of gratitude is greatly appreciated by Qataris.

Shoes off

If you are lucky enough to be invited into a Qatari home, remember to take off your shoes before entering the house.

When sitting with your legs crossed — in any setting — it is considered rude if the soles of the feet are facing the host.

It is common for Qataris to eat by hand from large communal plates placed on the floor — a dining etiquette that dates back to Bedouin desert culture.

And it is important to accept offerings by Qatari hosts, as turning them down could be taken as an offence.

Coffee culture

Qatar shares the Gulf passion for Arabic coffee, which is prepared by roasting coffee beans then boiling them with cardamom and saffron.

The yellowy, tea-like brew is poured out of traditional, long-spouted “dallah” pots into miniature cups and often served with dates.

The dallah, a cultural symbol across much of the Gulf region, is even erected as a monument in public spaces.

When served to guests, it is customary for hosts to try the coffee first, to test for taste.

Guests must always drink with their right hand. The coffee keeps coming until you wave your cup to signal you have had your fill. —© 2022 AFP

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Colonial American Dining Etiquette

Early wooden handled fork with tines of steel.

When a family dined alone the whole dinner was set on the table at the same time and no fuss about it. In the farm household the only concession to a guest, perhaps the minister come to call, was a clean white cloth and an extra dish of pickles or so, but down in the village, particularly at the squire's home, a special feast would consist of two courses, each enough to be a dinner in itself. Tables were not "set" as we do them today. They were "covered." No pretty arrangement of silver, no sparkling glassware, no floral decoration not until much later. The attractiveness of the table depended first upon the symmetrical arrangement of the dishes and secondly upon their individual garnishment. It was an indication of a hostess's achievement when the tablecloth was hardly visible. A characteristic dinner menu, as suggested by Susannah Carter for the month of July, might be:

FIRST COURSE

1 Mackerel, etc… 

2 Herb Soup

3 Boiled goose and stewed red cabbage

4 Breast of Veal al la Braise

5 Venison Pasty

6 Chickens

7 Lemon pudding

8 Neck of Venison

9 Mutton Cutlets

SECOND COURSE

1 Roast Turkey

2 Fruit

3 Roast Pigeons

4 Stewed Peas

5 Sweetbreads

6 Custards

7 Apricot Tart

8 Fricassee of Rabbits

9 Cucumbers

Hostesses might not follow these menus to the letter but that they served dinners equally ample is well documented by sundry travelers of our period from New England's own John Adams, to the English Mrs. Hall. Writing to his wife in Braintree from Falmouth in 1774, John Adams declared, ". . . and a very genteel dinner we had. Salt fish and all its apparatus, roast chicken, bacon, peas, as fine a salad as ever was made, and a rich meat pie. Tarts and custards, &c., good wine and as good punch as ever you made." No wonder a hostess needed guidance! Mrs. Rundell stated only, "the mode of covering the table differs in taste," but Mrs. Carter's publishers wisely provided her readers not only with a bill of fare for every month but also with a chart to show the position of each dish so that the hostess knew exactly how to place her dishes on the table. No need to mark the individual places; a plate for each diner, a knife and fork, perhaps a wine glass though it was generally advised to place the glasses on the side table or sideboard and let the diners ask for what they wanted in the way of liquid refreshment. That was all that was necessary.— From “Customs on the Table Top: How New England housewives set out their tables,” by Helen Sprackling, 1958

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia