Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Etiquette Violation Made One Unlucky

‘The King’s Touch’ could cure Tuberculosis? – “In England, three centuries ago, popular superstition credited the “Royal Touch” with curing scrofula. These superstitious practices have now become obsolete…”
THE WHY of SUPERSTITIONS…
OPENING AN UMBRELLA IN HOUSE UNLUCKY

THIS superstition dates back to the days when in the Orient the umbrella was the distinctive badge of Monarchs and great nobles. Even today the King of Siam bears as one of his titles "Lord of the Tent House and Umbrellas." In ancient times the Monarch, the Satrap, the Great Officer of State, gave judgment seated under an umbrella if in the open, and if in the palace under an umbrella or a canopy which represented it. 
Some even see in the Oriental dome, a representation of the umbrella in stone - a permanent umbrella, as it were – sacred to Royalty, great Lords and the tombs of Royalty and greatness.

Now for a suitor or a courtier to open an umbrella in the house of the mighty would appear like an assumption of Royal prerogative - a violation of etiquette which would surely get the offender into trouble in other words mighty "unlucky" for him. Once someone gives anything the name of being "unlucky" and there you are!

“Iram, Indeed, is gone with all his Rose, And Jamshyd's sev'n ring'd cup, where no one knows." – from “Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam”


But what was, for good reason, unlucky in the palace of Harun-al- Rashid is "unlucky" today in a New England cottage for no reason at all.

 

– By H. Irving King for McClure Newspaper Syndicate, 1931


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, November 12, 2024

A Need for Umbrella Etiquette

“Offensive possibly,” yet very helpful! – “The etiquette of the umbrella seems comparatively unknown to humanity at large. Perhaps there isn't any written etiquette on the subject, and that's the reason that certain persons passing each other raise their umbrellas high above their heads at the same moment, lower them again and then stand and stare foolishly at each other until one or the other has presence of mind to flit by, carrying his reversed like a banner.”

An Offensive Weapon


On every rainy day the umbrella shows of what it is capable in careless hands. Few know how to carry this useful article in a manner conducive to peace. Why is it that the big, tall man who is passing one on the street draws his umbrella down as close to his head as possible and allows one, if she is a tiny little woman, to stand on her toes and stretch her arm to the breaking point in order to pass the dripping article he carries over him?

Why is it, one is also impelled to ask, that a man in a car unhesitatingly rests his umbrella against the knee of the feminine creature next to him, or so poises it that brown drops from its surface fall into the shoe of his neighbor?

The etiquette of the umbrella seems comparatively unknown to humanity at large. Perhaps there isn't any written etiquette on the subject, and that's the reason that certain persons passing each other raise their umbrellas high above their heads at the same moment, lower them again and then stand and stare foolishly at each other until one or the other has presence of mind to flit by, carrying his reversed like a banner.

An umbrella in the hands of the absent-minded is really a dangerous weapon; at least that is what one young woman recently declared; but then she had just had an unhappy experience, for a careless mortal standing beside her under an awning had closed his with so much force that her new rainy-day suit, her gray hat and fluffy white silk collar, were literally besprinkled and would have to be renovated by a cleaner.

Perhaps someday a practical American will open a little school and give lessons in umbrella carrying, opening and shutting. Then we'll feel much safer when the raindrops fall.– South San Francisco Enterprise, February 1901


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, November 11, 2024

Etiquette’s 1970s’ Decline Skewered

Pat Buttram was best known for his acting role as the sidekick of Gene Autry, but also as the slick, snake-oil type salesman, Mr. Haney, on the 1960’s television comedy, “Green Acres.” – Public domain image of character actor Pat Buttram

 

Pat BuTTram Sez

Politeness, just ain't around anymore. Yesterday on a bus, a man got up and gave a lady his seat, and she fainted. Then she came to and thanked him, and he fainted.

I was always taught etiquette in our home. We were so high class we used to eat our chewing gum with a knife and fork.

I guess you could say good breeding is what enables a person to wait at the lunch counter in well-mannered silence while a loudmouth gets all the service.

Now real class is the ability to describe Raquel Welch without using your hands.

But there's one lesson in etiquette you should remember. Never let a lady pick up the check. Always pick it up and hand it to her. –National City Star-News, 1977




🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Sunday, November 10, 2024

Wooing Etiquette Smoking a Pipe

Another 2nd Debut Article, from 2016
The pipe was considered as a matrimonial embassador, has at least this to recommend it— that it may be relied upon to commit no breach of confidence if its mission proves successful. – 
“Tatars” is an umbrella term for different Turkic ethnic groups bearing the name Tatar. They were formerly known as “Tartars”and could be found across all of Eastern Europe and parts of Asia.

Tobacco as a Matchmaker 

All the nervousness, embarrassment and febrile excitement attendant upon “popping the question” in highly civilized countries are avoided by the young men of the Tchultau Tatar variety desirous to marry, whose simple and discreet custom it is to ascertain their chances of successor failure in matrimonial enterprise by the following proceeding: 
The Tchulian Calebs in search of a wife, having filled a brand new pipe with fragrant tobacco, stealthily enters the dwelling of the fair one upon whom he has bestowed his affections, deposits the pipe upon a conspicuous article of furniture, and retires on tiptoe to some convenient hiding place in the neighborhood. Local etiquette requires that he should execute this strategic movement apparently undetected by the damsel of his choice or any member of her family. 
Presently he returns without further affectation of secrecy, and looks into the apartment in a casual sort of way. A single glance at the pipe he left behind him enables him to learn the fate of his proposal. If it has been smoked, he goes forth, an accepted and exulted bridegroom; if not, the offer of his hand and heart has been irrevocably rejected as not even worth a puff of tobacco. 
By this ingenious expedient, the pain and humiliation of verbal refusal and fruitless pleadings are spared to luckless wooers, and Tatar maidens are saved from importunities justly regarded as peculiarly trying to female sensibility. The pipe, considered as a matrimonial embassador, has at least this to recommend it— that it may be relied upon to commit no breach of confidence if its mission proves successful. – 1881



 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, November 9, 2024

Gilded Age Poetic Etiquette Humor

Etiquette humor was popular in the late-1800’s, and early 1900’s as the Gilded Age was winding down, though fashion magazines weren’t usually the first to print the funny posts.~ Image source, Pinterest


Mr. Josh Simpkins on Etiquette
I've studied up on etiquette,
Read every book that I could get, 
And yet There isn't one in all the lot 
That tells a feller it is not 
De rigger to cat pie For breakfast; 
hence, why shouldn't I? 
And, furthermore, I cannot find 
In all the books I call to mind 
A single line 
That gives a reason worth a whoop 
Against a second plate of soup
When fellers dine, 
And as for eating marrowfats 
Without a spoon I think that that's 
A fool- Ish sort of rule.
 
When I eat peas,
 I'll do as I darn please! 
And, what is more, till I'm a snob 
I'll eat my corn straight off the cob, 
And sparrergrass I'll eat as I 
Have always done in days gone by- 
A sort of dangling from the sky, 
A sort of gift from heaven come, 
Held 'twist my finger and my thumb; 
 
And as for those peculiar things 
Called finger bowls I vow, by jings,
 I will not use 'em as they say 
The bon ton uses 'em today. 
If my hands ain't both good and clean, 
The pump is where it's always been, 
And, far as ever I could see, 
It's plenty good enough for me.
I don't stand much on etiquette, 
But yet I'm too polite to wash my paws 
At table, spite of social laws.

 

–Harper's Bazar, 1900


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, November 8, 2024

Chinese Civilised Manners for Children

Chinese children will also be taught to respect their elders and the customs of ethnic minorities

In 2011, China Set Classes in Good Manners for Schoolchildren 

The Chinese government is making schoolchildren take classes in what it calls “civilised manners.” The education ministry says the aim is to enhance the ethical quality of the nation and China's influence abroad. Before the 2008 Beijing Olympics, authorities launched campaigns against things like spitting and littering to avoid offending foreign visitors. 


The new classes range from basic table manners to the art of holding conversations and delivering speeches. According to the education ministry's website, teaching courtesy should combine "the traditional virtues of the Chinese nation" and "the salutary achievements of civilizations in other parts of the world". Detailed guidelines have been published, with classes tailored to the age of the child.


Among key lessons for primary school students are using courteous language, observing traffic rules and respecting the elderly. Children a little older will be learning about phone and correspondence etiquette, how to dress properly and how to hold polite conversations with both Chinese and foreigners. High school students are expected to master the etiquette of debate and delivering speeches, but they should also know how to keep a proper distance from other people when they are queuing or using a lift. "The campaign is very necessary for our society now," Xin Tao, vice director of the National Assessment of Education Quality, told the Global Times.

                         

Younger children will be taught about traffic rules, table manners and using courteous language

Abigail Mawdsley, from the BBC's Asia Pacific desk, says the campaign reflect two things. Firstly, they signify a concern - with the waning of communist ideology - about the values underpinning society. But they also show an awareness that the behaviour of citizens affects a country's image, she says, and that commanding global respect involves more than simple economic and military might. Authorities have shown concern in the past about the habits and behaviour of some of their citizens. But the goal now appears to be to drill manners into people from an early age. – BBC Asia Pacific, 2011



🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, November 7, 2024

Etiquette and Unusual Behavior

  Dealing with Out of Character

Behavior From Someone You Know

Angry Woman in a CafeImage Source: vadymvdrobot; "Angry young woman having an argument with her boyfriend at a cafe indoors.", 2024. Accessed via https://www.123RF.com/photo_103459415, Standard License.

Out-of-character behavior always carries a certain amount of shock value with it. As the saying goes, "just when you think you know someone . . ." 

We thrive on consistency and want the people in our lives to be reliable.  We feel secure in knowing we can predict their behavior.  Even when one's behavior is consistently unpredictable, we can prepare ourselves for possible outcomes. 

But when you've known someone's consistent behavior for some time and suddenly, an action, reaction, or comment comes out of left field, it can leave you dumbfounded.

Take a Pause

Remember, no one is perfect.  Even a good friend you've known for years.  When that person displays unexpected, irregular, and inconsistent behavior it could be an indication of any number of causes.  Illness, a personal life challenge, or an uncomfortable situation may cause a person to lose their cool. 

The first rule of etiquette is to be respectful and courteous, so when someone we know and like shocks us, being as calm and kind as possible is the first step to handling the situation.  If this is the first time you've been witness to an episode like this you will, of course, be shocked. But take a pause, catch your breath, and try to smooth over the situation at hand.

If an outburst is directed at you, you may not only be surprised but hurt as well.  As you take a pause, consider if the outburst requires your immediate reaction.  Is it worth defending yourself?  Do you owe an apology or acceptance of responsibility?  Or should you simply remove yourself from the situation?

Checking In

Once you feel comfortable doing so and can have a private conversation with your friend, check in and ask if everything is okay.  Tell them how out of the ordinary their behavior seemed to you and that you are concerned.

Listen to their explanation without judgement.  Consider the context of their behavior and think about any recent stressors or life changes they are experiencing.  Sometimes unusual behavior or emotional outbursts are really a reaction to an event or unfortunate situation.

Let them know you are there for them if they need help or just want to talk.  But don’t push if they are not ready to open up.  Just knowing they have a friend they can turn to is comforting and can be more helpful than you realize.

When Out-of-Character Behavior Becomes True Character

A Maya Angelo quote reads, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”  Paraphrasing that: people may tell you who they are, but when they show you who they are—that’s what you should believe about them. 

If it happens that a friend, appreciated acquaintance, or co-worker blurts something out of character for them, it’s up to you to remind yourself that you know the better person this person is—not the one who is showing up disrespectfully. 

Unfortunately, some people wait until they are more comfortable around you to begin showing their true colors.  Words and actions you thought were out-of-character become more commonplace. This is the time when you must decide if you agree or disagree with someone's behavior.  If you can't be in agreement with this person’s opinions or character, know that your ideals and integrity are not worth sacrificing.

The Bottom Line

Etiquette demands that we do not meet disrespect with disrespect.  The mindful pause etiquette gives often provides the time to get your grip and find the right words. 

Being your etiquette-ful self means than you are intentional in not adding fuel to the flames of someone else’s poor behavior.  Plus, your calmness in reserving reaction can serve to mirror to the other person that their words and actions need consideration.  When the time is right, and you can do so privately and calmly, discuss your friend's out-of-character behavior with them, asking if you might help with the situation in any way. 

Then, as a good friend does, keep the discussion between the two of you.  If they need a true friend, they'll know they have one in you.


 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, November 6, 2024

1960’s Teen Etiquette and Dating

    

Does Your Dating Need Inflating?

Check Your Etiquette

Etiquette is a leading topic in the letters we get from teen- agers all over the country. So we've come up with an etiquette quiz one you can't flunk! If your answers are far afield or if you can't come to a decision despite nail-biting and hand-wringing, let the answers clue you in. Even if you don't rate an "A" (4 out of 5) the first time around, your new knowledge and improved self-confidence will surely boost your date rating in the future. See everybody's a winner!

1. The party is great and it's still going strong, even though it's after 12 and you promised your folks you'd be home by 12:30. You-

a. Pay no attention. You can always say your watch stopped.

B. Rush out without so much as a farewell.

C. Remind your date of the time; thank the host and explain that you don't want to abuse your curfew.


ANSWER: (C) If you've been told to be home by a certain time, let your date know this early in the evening. Then it's up to you to remind him. Most boys and friends will respect a girl who keeps a curfew. If they ridicule you, you wouldn't want to go around with them anyway.


2. You've been counting on going to the prom with Jane or Jim. Nothing materializes, so you ask Joan or Jack asks you and plans are all firmed up. Then your No. 1 choice lets you know he or she is available. You

A. Immediately break your previous date to be with your first choice.

B. Don't decide yet maybe one of them will come down with the measles.

C. Explain that you've already got a date, smile and say, "maybe next time."


ANSWER: (C) Date breaking is a rating breaker. You your self wouldn't want someone to beg off at the last minute would you?


3. You're at a party and you taste the punch. You realize it's spiked. You don't want to drink.

A. You pretend you don't notice

B. Quietly ask the host or hostess for a soft drink

C. Loudly call attention to the fact saying "What creep could have done this?"


ANSWER: (B) Odds are, before you reach the legal age for drinking, someone will offer you a cocktail or you'll encounter a situation like the one outlined. Best bet: ask for a soft drink, without resorting to unnecessary explanations. Making a big deal is always in bad taste. 


4. You've been invited to dinner. You're famished, the food is delicious and you want a second helping.

A. Wait for the host hostess to suggest seconds.

B. Ask for what's left.

C. Fill up on rolls. 


ANSWER (A) The hostess will always be flattered if you indicate you enjoy the food. However, unless you know more food is available better wait till the plate is passed a second time. Otherwise, the hostess may be more embarrassed than pleased.


5. He or she seemed to enjoy the date. Then he doesn't call again or you call the gal and she says she's busy. You

A. Stay home and mope.

B. Date yourself up three weekends in advance. You'll show them there are other fish in the sea.

C. Try again, then play it by ear. If you're a gal, call him and invite him to a party or the theater.


ANSWER: (C) all etiquette rules to the contrary. What have you got to lose? Staying home accomplishes nothing. Dating yourself up defeats the purpose.


RATING CHART

5-You should be writing this.

4-Still on the beam.

3-Sharpen up your technique.

2- Read up on etiquette

1-You're putting us on!


By Arleen Abrahams, in Youth Services, 1968


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia