Pettiness Interfered with Graciousness

The Lady acted in an unladylike manner by publicly cutting the widow… Lady Geddes wouldn’t receive the widow of Terence MacSwiney herself, and she wouldn’t even associate herself with her hostess? It is a curious state of mind.– Public domain image of widow, Muriel MacSwiney, the left-wing activist and Irish republican, in December 1920

Petty Lady Geddes and the Widow MacSwiney

THE British Ambassador in Washington should speak to his wife. He should give a few kindly words of advice to the Lady Geddes. She resigned as a Patroness of the Washington Opera because one of the other patronesses has been too gracious a hostess of Mrs. Muriel MacSwiney. Perhaps there is some hidden point of etiquette in this that would be obvious to English society, but is not so apparent to Washington.

We don't know about these things. The lady feels her caste – and caste is a strange thing. It comes from the Portuguese word casta, meaning “pure.” In India one of lower caste cannot approach a member of higher caste except as a menial; the touch of an inferior is equivalent to pollution. Perhaps it is this sort of reasoning that sponsors the action of Lady Geddes. She wouldn’t receive the widow of Terence MacSwiney herself, and she won't even associate herself with her hostess. It is a curious state of mind.

Of course, Terence MacSwiney died in jail - in stubborn rebellion against the British government. And though some people consider him a martyr, Lady Geddes and her friends must look upon him as an idiot, a fanatic, a traitor, or at least a very foolish man. Or there may be other reasons. The Lady Geddes’ objections to Mrs. MacSwiney may be social and not political. She is the wife of a very successful, self-made man who made himself a power in England by remaining alive and working. 

Mrs. MасSwiney is the widow of another man who never made a material success of life and whose greatest power has come through his death. Lady Geddes must see that there is considerable difference here. And so she refuses to be linked in society with a simple Irish widow – of which there is an increasing number in the world. But Ambassador Geddes, if he cares at all for American popularity, should have a confidential little chat with his wife. She needs it. – San Francisco Call, December, 1920

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Portuguese Etiquette and Regicide

 Seven magnificent royal palaces are kept up, with all the expense involved In the constant transfers of the large Court from one place to another. The Court itself is a hierarchy and has a ceremonial etiquette second only to that of Russia and Austria, and the personnel is certainly larger than that of Germany.– Public domain image of ‘The 1908 Regidice of Lisbon, as depicted in the French’ “Le Petit Journal”

Portuguese Throne Tottering to Fall

Political Observers See Storm Cloud Coming to Wash Away Monarchy

Campaign Against Royal Family Will Be Made Openly at the Polls

LISBON, Feb. 25. - Whether or not a republic is eventually to supplant the monarchy in Portugal, it is practically the unanimous opinion here that the country soon will witness a violent political struggle, in which the life of the Monarchy may be at stake. The comparative tranquillity since the assassinations is simply a breathing spell in which the forces of the monarchy on the one hand and of popular government on the other are being marshaled for the fray. 

Since the assassinations of King Carlos and Crown Prince Luiz, the republicans have been joined by the dissident progressivists and they intend to make their campaign for a change of regime openly in the coming electoral contest. The exposure of political corruption, the manner in which an army of clients was maintained at the expense of the public treasury and above all the secret advances made to the royal family, they claim, have destroyed forever the prestige of the monarchy. 

Disinterested opinion, however, does not consider Portugal ripe for a republic: it believes, in fact, that the country under a popular regime in the present backward state of the masses would become a prey of the ambitions of politicians and like the Central American republics would be without stability.

KING'S COURSE DANGEROUS

Under present circumstances the course of the young King is most dangerous, as he has placed the destiny of the throne in the hands of the leaders of the two discredited old parties, men whose past prevents them from meeting their adversaries in the open field of political discussion, and who, the people will insist, must be disciplined.

The real weakness of the Monarchy in Portugal seems to be that it is top heavy. With its territory shrunken, its wealth withered, the people crushed by taxation, the national credit bankrupt 15 years ago, the bureaucracy and the Court are maintained on a scale almost as extensive as in the days of Portuguese world dominion and splendor.

Seven magnificent royal palaces are kept up, with all the expense involved In the constant transfers of the large Court from one place to another. The Court itself is a hierarchy and has a ceremonial etiquette second only to that of Russia and Austria, and the personnel is certainly larger than that of Germany.

MUST PRUNE EXPENSES

It is here that the pruning hook must be applied in the reorganization of a country where half the taxes collected go to pay the interest on the state debt.

The students at the universities, as in Russia and other countries where revolution is being agitated, are playing a considerable role in Portugal, and as another factor in the situation the church may become prominent. The people are Catholic, but not clerical.

Foreign Intervention to sustain the Monarchy is not anticipated. Both Spain, the neighbor, and Great Britain, which practically dominated the foreign policies of Portugal, would undoubtedly like to see the present regime sustained. as would possibly other powers whose subjects have business interests in this country, but Great Britain, it is believed, would not attempt to interfere with the internal policies of the country.- The San Francisco Call, 1909

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Utensil Signals

Using Utensil Placement 

to

Send Signals to Servers

A Second Debut of a Very Popular Article from 2019

Misinformation abounds on the internet.  This is just as true with etiquette information as it is with any other subject.

When I saw a graphic circulating on social media depicting the positions of dining utensils to signal a message to a server, I had to set the record straight. In fact, fellow Etiquette Enthusiast and Educator, Maura Graber, site moderator and editor of Etiquipedia(c) Etiquette Encyclopedia has been fighting an uphill battle to call attention to a particular false  infographic that appears on dozens of websites in the U.S. and other countries where knives and forks are used. 

The graphic I am referring to illustrates five positions in which you can place your knife and fork to relay a message to your server.  (Two, the Pausing and Finished shown above are correct.)

Three of the five positions illustrated demonstrate very poor etiquette and are actually rude to the server.  

From the Server’s Perspective

The job of your server is to receive your food and drink order, deliver it to your table when ready, and take your plate away when you are finished eating.

Servers are busy -- juggling multiple tables and lots of information truly does take talent.  The “pause” and “finished” utensil positions let her know at a glance whether your table has plates to be removed, or if she can continue with other tasks.

Utensils placed in the “paused” or “resting” position let your server know you are not finished eating and your plate does not need to be removed.

Utensils placed in the “finished” position let your server know you have finished eating and she may take your plate.

Neither of these utensil signals require verbal communication for your server to know what action to take.  In other words, they make your server’s job easier and prevent additional disruptions in your table conversation.

Two – and Only Two - Signals

Dining etiquette involves not only proper use of your utensils while eating, but using them to signal information that makes dining pleasant for everyone. 

Servers appreciate you letting them know what assistance you require from them.  And non-verbal signals are a small but significant part of civilized dining.

However, the only signals your server needs to receive via utensil placement is whether you are pausing during your meal, or whether you are finished with your meal.  There is no tradition anywhere that requires any other signals.  Attempting to do so only causes confusion.

I am joining Ms. Graber and other informed etiquette consultants urging you to ignore any image teaching inappropriate communication to diners and restaurant servers.  Won’t you join us?  

You can download the infographic here that shows correct and incorrect utensil placement signals.

Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Culture of Myanmar

Myanmar has many influences and conquerors from areas such as Mongolia, Tibet, and later the British East India Company, and, during World War II, the Japanese. The Bamar people migrated into the famous Irrawaddy valley, bringing the Burmese language, culture and religion- now known as Buddhism, which gradually spread across the region. 

On my initial flight to Myanmar was I was feeling apprehension sink in, due to the stringent government oversight I'd heard about. Despite these concerns, my friends and I decided to explore the city for three days, which was a fascinating experience. What did I discover during my time there?

When Myanmar Gained Independence
Myanmar has many influences and conquerors from areas such as Mongolia, Tibet, and later the British East India Company, and, during World War II, the Japanese. The Bamar people migrated into the famous Irrawaddy valley, bringing the Burmese language, culture and religion- now known as Buddhism, which gradually spread across the region. The country gained independence on 4th January 1948. Then, in 1989, the military government officially changed the colonial period English name of Burma, only to become Myanmar or Republic of the Union of Myanmar. The renaming remains a flashpoint issue. Those who were born in the country associate themselves with the demonym of ‘Burmese’.

Finding Light Heartedness and Tolerance
Do the people of Myanmar reflect the government's aggressive rule? Conversely, the people are relaxed and calm. H. Fielding Hall author of ‘The Soul of a People’ says ‘of all the lovable qualities of the Burmese – and they are many - there are none greater than these - their light heartedness and their tolerance’.

Etiquette of the Burmese People
They show outward care and kindness and are especially mindful of others and their lives, display modesty, and use the well-known Asiatic communication medium of ‘saving face’ as the Chinese. Another cultural interaction is ‘ahnarde’, which the burmalibrary.org states “conveys the idea of not having the heart or strength to do or say something that might impinge on the feelings of others.” Ahnarde permeates throughout etiquette interactions such as these:

Another interesting point of Burmese culture is the idea of the presentation of modesty and neatness in clothing, which are the cornerstone of first impressions regarding social status.

• Greetings: Ming-gala-ba is used formally to say hello and is typically accompanied by a slight bow, or more formally, where palms are folded together. The phrase “mingalaba” can mean “may you be blessed.” Informally, you can use nay-kaung-lar.
• To display ‘greater’ respect, one kneels and touches their palms and forehead to the ground three times, a practice known as ‘kadaw.’ This gesture is often used when showing respect to monks or idols. In a different manner, Indians have this culture of deep respect towards the elderly and religion.
• Those who are younger will be expected to sit or stand in a lower position than their elders, meaning they will have to use their knees to lower their height position as well as show respectfulness when in the presence of the elderly. When walking, they will walk behind the elder one. When needing to go to the front of an elderly person, an apology is given. If you are walking when an older person is sitting on a chair, it is polite to walk behind that person.
• The Burmese are well known for cleanliness, and I noticed that when I walked in Yangon’s streets within the city limits. It may be a little primitive compared to Thailand today, but it is a breath of fresh air not to see large-screen TVs and high-rise buildings dotting the skyline. 
• When it comes to the body, Burmese citizens see the head and body as vessels to keep clean, but they use the feet and left hand for the dirty.
• Dress: Another interesting point of Burmese culture is the idea of the presentation of modesty and neatness in clothing, which are the cornerstone of first impressions regarding social status. Modern women or men will wear pants, shirts or t-shirts, where the shoulders, chest and upper thighs should remain covered. The more traditional wear such longyi- a long skirt and blouse- eingyi, which may button in the front or side. For men, the traditional cotton or silk hat-gaung baung- distinguishes each ethnic group with a long-sleeved top and a longyi.

Myanmar’s Ethnic Dimensions
Walking around Yangon I felt that I was surrounded by many ethic cultures and those from different countries. The array of traditional clothing worn by the people reflected the many ethnicities and nationalities present. The country is bordered by India to the west, Bangladesh to the southwest, China to the northeast, Laos and Thailand to the east and southeast. Myanmar is home to government-recognized 135 indigenous ethnic groups. The largest groups are Bamar, followed by Shan, Karen, Rakhine, Mon, Kachin, and Kayah peoples.

One needs to respect individual preferences when referring to people from ethnic minorities. Many may not identify as ‘Burmese,’ preferring to use their specific ethnic identity, such as Karen, Chin, or Rohingya. The Karen people, in particular, may object to being called Burmese. The military-led government's repressive policies and ethnic conflicts have created a climate of self-censorship, particularly regarding sensitive political topics. Citizens often fear reprisals and hesitate to openly discuss controversial issues related to Myanmar due to concerns for their families and friends.

Would I go back to Myanmar? My answer is, “Yes.”  Despite the challenges, Myanmar's allure is undeniable. The untapped potential for exploration, the warmth of the people, the delicious cuisine, and the depth of its history have solidified my desire to make a return visit a must.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Post WWI Manners for Immigrants

In 1919, shortly after WWI women’s magazines were promoting fashionable shoes of the day, while women themselves were teaching homemaking and table manners to new immigrants to the United States. 

Women Help Food Campaign and Offer Table Etiquette Lessons for Patriots

Public domain image of an Opticon circa 1895

The county home-demonstration agent of Monroe County, New York, has converted her small car into a “Victory Special.” Demonstrations are given from the car, and equipment is carried for exhibits of labor-saving devices. In July the “Victory Special” made 34 visits to community meetings, and the agent's message reached 3,646 persons. In one city in Iowa the women connected with home-demonstration work have issued a statement of war-time etiquette called “Table Manners for Patriots.”

In Bristol County, Massachusetts, which contains many manufacturing towns, a food-demonstration truck has been very successful. Demonstrations out of doors in various villages have been well attended, the truck being used in the afternoon and early evening. A special effort was made to reach the Portuguese, French and Italian people. These people would not come to an indoor meeting, but eagerly collected on the sidewalk to watch the demonstration. They were glad to receive literature written in their own language.

In various towns of Windham County, Connecticut, the canning campaign carried on by home-demonstration agents was furthered by the use of an outdoor stereopticon which threw views on a screen over a store window. This attracted good audiences, and nine demonstrations were given, two of these being to foreigners with the aid of an interpreter. – The Inyo Independent, 1919

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Mumbai’s Mobile Phones

There’s almost never a moment when someone isn’t talking, texting, scrolling, or watching something on YouTube, Facebook, or WhatsApp. Mobile or cell phone manners in India are a complete reverse of what is acceptable in Western countries, and even most other Asian nations.

How India has cranked cell phone calls up to 11 and, very often, into a group activity

Etiquette Lessons with Mac and Cheese

A childhood favorite of Etiquipedia, homemade macaroni and cheese is one of the ultimate comfort foods requested by everyone from toddlers to baby boomers when in need of something hot and healthy. - Above, two large and stunning macaroni servers in sterling with gilded bowls and tines. On the left is a Wm B Durgin Co. rare piece, in the multi motif Scroll 1886 Aesthetic floral pattern, & is engraved Elsie Lincoln and marked with the 1878. It has a Durgin D hallmark Sterling & the silversmith retailer Bailey Banks & Biddle. On the right is a Hamilton & Diesinger macaroni server in an unknown pattern, with a large and deep bowl. This is the largest I have seen of this type of utensil.

Children May Be Served with Hot Midday Meal…

This Is Latest Proposal of the Mothers' and Second Ward Improvement Clubs

Hot lunches for the school-children is the latest proposal of the Second Ward Improvement Club and the Parents and Teachers’ Club of the Grant Grammar School, the food to be furnished to the tots at a nominal figure and served to them in one of the schoolrooms, which is to be fitted up for the purpose,

The subject was brought to the attention of the Improvement Club by Mrs. F. Karo, President of the Parents and Teachers’ Club, who asserted that the idea is a good one from an economic viewpoint as the cost of the box lunch would be no greater than that of the “cold bite” carried by the child. One of the advantages from the hot lunch, she pointed out, is that the child will not be forced out into the rain and there required to sit for half a day with wet garments, as many are compelled to do during the rainy season. No small proportion of the children are ill-fed, she asserted. and to assist such as these, as well, it is proposed to give them something warm for the mid-day meal.

A light lunch, consisting of bread and butter, soup or beans, or macaroni and cheese and other dishes of this kind, Mrs. F. B. Brown said, could be served for the sum of 5 cents and should the child wish something more a dessert of some kind could be furnished for sum not exceeding 2 cents more. The subject has already been taken up by Joseph E. Hancock, Principal of the school, who will arrange to have one of his teachers in charge of the tables so that instruction in table etiquette may be given to those who need it.

The two clubs, working with the cooperation of the School Board and the Principal, expect to have the proper equipment installed in the near future. All present at the meeting felt certain that but little trouble would be encountered in getting the necessary money with which to start such a plant.

The Second Ward Club warmly commended the action of the City Council in rushing the work on the curbs and gutters in that portion of the city, as well as the city's activity in the direction of clearing the streets and vacant lots of weeds. — San Jose Mercury News, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spanish Premier Talks King’s Etiquette

King Alfonso’s recent visit to King Manuel of Portugal was of a private character and that it had no bearing on the matrimonial projects of the Portuguese Monarch – Public domain photo of King Manuel of Portugal, circa 1909

Says Two Kings Never Discussed Matrimony

Spanish Premier Denies Alfonso Visited…

Manuel to Plan for Nuptials

MADRID, Feb. 16. The premier, Señor Maura, declared today that King Alfonso’s recent visit to King Manuel of Portugal was of a private character and that it had no bearing on the matrimonial projects of the Portuguese Monarch.

A member of King Alfonso’s immediate entourage says that the King has expressed himself several times recently as being determined to make an aeroplane fight with Wilbur Wright, the American aeroplanist, who is conducting a series of flights at Pau, France.

The whole Court is opposed to the idea on the ground that it would be a breach of etiquette, but the informant added that when his Majesty makes up his mind to do a thing nothing can stop him. – Los Angeles Herald, 1909

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia