Leaving One’s Manners Behind

“In the sixteenth century one was expected to leave one's 'manners' behind when at the table. It was the correct thing to do, 'manners' being what was left on the plate, which was, in turn, what fed the poor man at the gate.” – From “At the Kings Table; Royal Dining through the Ages,” by Susanne Groom… A fun and fascinating book on dining with the royals and not so royal!

In the sixteenth century one was expected to leave one's 'manners' behind when at the table. It was the correct thing to do, 'manners' being what was left on the plate, which was, in turn, what fed the poor man at the gate. As for behaviour at table, the advice given in the Babees' Book (1475) to young boys about to enter the service of a noble lord or prince still held good. It was relevant both to children and to those adults who had yet to learn the rules of polite eating, and remains remarkably similar to the advice given to children today:

• Wash your hands before you eat,
• Don't let the children linger at the table,
• Don't fart,
• Don't pick your nose, your teeth or any part of your body when at table,
• Don't wipe your hands on the tablecloth or your clothes. — From “At the Kings Table; Royal Dining through the Ages,” by Susanne Groom

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Protocol for New King

 

As soon as he had spoken the cheers broke out again– “Vive le Roi! Vive le Roi!” and soon there was added to it, “Vive la Reine!” for the two are immensely popular. The Queen looked about as if wondering whether this were correct protocol, then seeing that her little son was waving she waved too, raising her right hand high and joyously.– Public domain image of King Leopold III of Belgium

Leopold Ascends Belgian Throne; Pledge to Serve Nation Cheered

Country's Grief Melts as King Takes Oath After Triumphal Horseback Ride-Cries of ‘Vive le Roi!’ Drown Shouts of Reds-3-Year-Old Prince Finds It Day of Fun

BRUSSELS, Feb. 23. Standing with his right hand stretched up ward, the index and middle fingers joined, and facing his Parliament, King Albert's eldest son Leopold in a clear loud voice took this oath to his people today:

“I swear to observe the Constitution and laws of the Belgian peo ple and to maintain the national independence and integrity of terri tory.” There had been a dead silence as he spoke. Then from every throat in the great building a cry rose thunderously: “Vive le Roi!”


Leopold III, fourth King of his dynasty, at the age of 32 had as sumed in succession to his father the task to which he was born and for which he was trained-that of guiding and inspiring the govern ment of his country. To Leopold's left, as he took the oath, sat his wife, Queen Astrid, with their two children. Everybody's eyes were as much on them as on the King himself. She was dressed in deep mourning, but her veil was pushed back from her beautiful face. Her children, dressed in white, sat on each side of her Princess Josephine Charlotte and Prince Baudouin, who now becomes Crown Prince.


Today the little Prince's cares were far in the future. He fidgeted on his big chair, looked at his mother, then slid down and climbed up onto her lap. Later when the cheering broke out he got down again, laughing and waving his hand joyously. For he is a merry 3-year-old and everything was fun today. For everybody, his presence lightened what would have been a solemn, if not sad proceeding. It gave it life and continuity and removed the shadow of death that would otherwise have lain over it.


That scene was the climax of a morning that was splendid in simple pageantry. On his favorite horse, a big chestnut, none too easy to manage amid these cheering crowds and thundering bands, Leopold rode out this morning just after 9 o'clock from his château at Laeken, on the outskirts of Brussels, to take possession of his capital. In front of him went a bugle band of guides on horseback. Before him and behind him rode two squadrons of lancers and all his army staff. Two paces in front of him were his immediate aides and two paces behind him his brother, Prince Charles.

Looks Straight at People

If one had picked him for the rôle of King one could not have found anywhere a finer face or finer figure. His high-colored, sunburned face was calm and solemn. His large brown eyes looked straight at his people, turning from right to left as mile after mile he rode in his khaki uniform with scarlet hatband through their cheering ranks, saluting continuously. He rode easily and handsomely, for, although he is not so tall as his father, he has a fine cavalryman's figure.


There was grief in his rather tight-set mouth. But as the ceremonies of the day wore on, that expression changed. One may be a loving son, but it is also much to be a young King whose people have shouted themselves hoarse in loyalty and affection. It is perhaps no easy task to govern, but it is a glorious thing to be a young King with a lovely wife and two jolly children. For his people, today’s pageantry ended on that scene – King Leopold and Queen Astrid on a balcony of their palace in Brussels, she with their daughter and he holding their son in his arms, all four waving.


There were very many, both men and women, whose eyes filled with tears and whose throats tightened on the final “Vive le Roi!”

Burgomasters Meet Him

Along the route, both before and after the taking of the oath, there had been other ceremonies. Outside the château gates, as he entered what is technically Brussels territory, he was met by the Burgomasters of all districts headed by that veteran friend of his father, Burgomaster Adolphe Max, who came to welcome him into the city.


Burgomaster Max, who could talk to a German military governor without flinching, spoke today with emotion. It was just twenty-five years ago that he had welcomed at the same place, King Albert, when he made his joyous entry into the capital. Briefly, he recalled that dawn of another reign and its glorious, if tragic, memories. In two sentences, he told of the immense sorrow that the nation had felt at King Albert's death and how only yesterday the nation had sought to express it.


There was complete sincerity, backed by knowledge, in his compliments that today the people of Brussels would acclaim the Prince who had merited their respect and affection by the dignity of his life and by his constant effort to prepare himself for the high task that faced him.


Then there was another ceremony beside the grave of the Unknown Soldier. Where only four days ago, the body of King Albert had lain in silent communion with the spirit of the unknown one who had died in his service. Leopold remained at salute on his horse for a full minute. For once the cry of “Vive le Roi!” was stilled. There was immense emotion in the crowd. But as Leopold’s arm fell from the salute the music of the “Brabançonne,” the Belgian national anthem, broke out, gay and lilting. Today was a beginning, not an end.

Colorful Assembly Gathers

In the parliament house, which is known as the Palace of the Nation, had been gathered not only members of the Senate and the Chamber, but a great assembly of dignitaries. On one side making a patch of purple and black were the bishops and the clergy. In scarlet on the other side sat the high justices and magistrates of Brussels. In gold and black with many nodding plumes among them were the members of the diplomatic corps. Behind the Queen and her children, in the bright uniforms of all nations, stood the Princes who had come from England, Italy, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Yugoslavia, Bulgaria, Rumania and Siam to represent their Kings and countries at yesterday's sad and today's joyous ceremonies.


Everyone else was in uniform or full evening dress– everyone except two. They came in ordinary business suits rather unpressed and with soft collars just to prove they were Communists. Perhaps that was Moscow’s order although when invited to dinner elsewhere in the world, Moscow’s representatives mostly conform with ordinary etiquette. But dressing out of harmony was not enough for these two. They felt it their duty to try to make a disturbance. If, as they had announced yesterday, they had other plans for today, these plans failed to materialize. For along the whole royal route, which took al most three hours to ride, there was never an incident, never even a seditious cry.


But when on the stroke of 11 o'clock the doors of Parliament were thrown open and an usher in a majestic voice cried out, “Le Roi!” there was a burst from these two throats– a kind of squeal that may have been, “Vive les Soviets.” Immediately, it was drowned in an immense roar of welcome from everybody else.

Leopold Walks to Throne

Unhurriedly, indeed rather slowly, Leopold, a gallant figure in his uniform and top boots, walked toward the throne, which had been prepared for him in the place of the usual presidential seat and speaker’s tribune. Long draperies of red velvet hung from the ceiling. A great crown surmounted the throne. On scarlet cushions, with golden fringes, had been embroidered the letter “L.” The rampant lion of Belgium and the national motto, “l'Union fait la force,” were emblazoned on the throne and on the curtains behind it.


For a moment Leopold stood facing the audience. There was no call for order. Gradually the cheering died away. Even the two bold Communists did not dare break that silence as he raised his hand and took the oath. He spoke it first in French and then, as the law demands, in Flemish for his is a dual country, and he speaks both languages, as well as English, with equal fluency. His voice round and pleasing.


As soon as he had spoken the cheers broke out again– “Vive le Roi! Vive le Roi!” and soon there was added to it, “Vive la Reine!” for the two are immensely popular. The Queen looked about as if wondering whether this were correct protocol, then seeing that her little son was waving she waved too, raising her right hand high and joyously. – By P. J. Phillip, Wireless to The New York Times, February 24, 1934

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Ex-Presidents

“Referring to ex-President Roosevelt's criticism of his policy concerning Mexico, and also to ex-President Taft's comment on affairs in the Philippine Islands,” President Woodrow Wilson, “said jokingly that it might be time to draft a code of etiquette for the guidance of ‘ex-es.’”

President is Quite Facetious

Would Have Code of Etiquette for Guidance of “Ex-es” Drafted, Referring to Criticisms of Roosevelt and Taft

WASHINGTON, March 30.– America’s answer to the British order-in-council, detailing plans for the blockade of Germany, will be forwarded to London within the course of the day, President Wilson told callers at the White House today. He declined to give any intimation as to the contents of the reply until after its receipt by England. Referring to ex-President Roosevelt's criticism of his policy concerning Mexico, and also to ex-President Taft's comment on affairs in the Philippine Islands, the Chief Executive said jokingly that it might be time to draft a code of etiquette for the guidance of “ex-es.” 

At the same time, he said he considered that former Presidents were justified in criticising the course of those who follow them. President Wilson is undecided whether to push the proposed Presidential primary law to a conclusion. He said he believed legislation along this line was necessary, but that he feared that it would require a constitutional amendment.– Riverside Daily Press, 1915

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Chafing Dish Party Etiquette

The etiquette of these parties is tacit but pronounced. A butler must not appear, or other servant, after the merest preliminaries of the supper, and a chafing-dish story or confidence, is one that would have been impossible in the formality of a dinner.
–Image Source, Pinterest

Chafing-dish parties have never been more fashionable than this season. Many of the thẹatre parties finish off in one of these informal feasts, in modish preference to a restaurant supper. The utensils from which the affairs take their name grow in elegance, naturally with the demand for them. Exquisite gold chafing dishes are by no means rare, and silver ones are on every side. And their use has extended from the swell artist set where it originated to the heart of the old Dutch aristocracy. 

Receipts for rum omelet, oyster stews with a dash of old Madeira, creamed oysters, terrapin, and dozens of other chafing dish receipts, are carefully treasured in the amateur cook's handwriting... and followed to the letter. The etiquette of these parties is tacit but pronounced. A butler must not appear, or other servant, after the merest preliminaries of the supper, and a chafing-dish story or confidence, is one that would have been impossible in the formality of a dinner. – New York Times, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Dining Etiquette for Charles II

 “This charming portrait of Charles II as Prince of Wales was painted for his mother by Sir Anthony van Dyck in 1637 or early 1638. Little did anyone think at the time that armour was to be necessary to his young life, not just as a romantic costume for a portrait but also for his very survival.” —From “At the King’s Table”

The five-year-old Charles, Prince of Wales (later Charles II, 1660-85) dines in state with his parents at Whitehall Palace. He sits at the end of the table, to the left of his mother, Queen Henrietta Maria, who sits at the left hand of the King, Charles I. The young Prince already has his own silver-gilt vessels, made by the Jewel House. 

Sewers, or servers, on bended knee offer dishes to the King and his family. The Prince chooses from the food offered, and the gentlemen carve and taste each portion before it is placed before him. A procession of liveried servants carry in more dishes and lay them on the table, where none but the Royal family dines. Over the King’s head is the canopy of state, erected for him alone. Behind a balustrade at the end of the chamber, well-dressed courtiers and men (mainly men) of quality press to witness every mouthful of the Royal meal. As if to counteract all this formality, a clutch of dogs play and probably defecate around the table. 

This is the formative experience of having dinner for Charles I's eldest son, who, after years of struggle, heartbreak and exile, will return to England to re-create almost exactly this ritual of Royal public dining. In between, he will know danger, hunger and despair, but also loyalty, comradeship and love. He will remember that bread and cheese are better than an empty stomach, but he will never forget that he is the rightful heir to the English and Scottish thrones. — By Susanne Groom, in “At the King’s Table”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomat Broke Royal Court Etiquette

The real identity of Diplomat, “Multy Millions,” may never be known. His name is not mentioned in the article or the story– In 1867, a serious illness accentuated a hereditary deafness that Alexandra suffered from and also left her lame. In turn, she devoted much of her time, and also her income, to the poor and suffering. As Queen, Alexandra founded the Imperial Military Nursing Service in 1902 and started Alexandra Rose Day to raise funds for British hospitals.

Royal Court Etiquette:

“Multy Millions” Fractured It and Lost His Diplomatic Post

A witty New York society man said, at a dinner, apropos of court etiquette: “Court etiquette is, after all, very like ordinary etiquette-the laws of common sense govern it.

“Did you ever hear how Multy Millions lost his under secretaryship at our legation in London? Multy deserved his fate. His common sense was lamentably lacking.

“It happened years and years ago. King Edward had just come into his own, and Multy Millions was dining for the first time at Buckingham Palace.

“The dinner was a state one. The splendid gold plate from Windsor glittered on table and sideboard. To Multy, when the entremets came on, the deaf Queen Alexandra asked: ‘How long have you been living abroad, Mr. Millions?’

‘Four years, ma'am,’ Multy replied in a loud voice, for he knew enough, of course. to speak high and to say ‘ma'am.’

‘What? I did not hear,’ said Queen Alexandra. ‘Four years, ma'am,’ Multy shouted.

But she repeated, ‘What?’

“Then Multy leaned forward, and, with a polite and amiable smile, he waved four fingers to and fro before Queen Alexandra’s face. He resigned the next morning.” – The Exchange, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Interview with Elena Gorelik

Unexpectedly, we had a tie for the Best in Show Winner for the Amateur Community in our 1st Annual Etiquipedia Place Setting Competition. Our second of the tie-winning tables is that of Elena Gorelik of Russia. Elena is shown above with her historical themed, dinner place setting. After reading her bio, we realized Elena would have been a better fit in the “Professional” category, as opposed to Amateur, but we don’t know how well everything translates in other languages. And “Professional” means different things to different people. Next year, with her new business venture though, she will definitely be placed in (and fit in beautifully!) to the “Professional” or “Etiquette Community” categories.
🍽🍽🍽🍽
Elena Gorelik lives in Moscow, Russia. In the 1990s-2000s she made a career as a Personal Assistant to CEOs and Boards of Directors for airline companies. She was in charge of protocol procedures and office hospitality at the top levels of management. In the 2010s Elena worked in the Marriott Moscow Royal Aurora Hotel (5*) as a Department Head of the Food and Beverage Service. Now, Elena is developing a business as a tabletop stylist for table settings and home events, in order to help women feel confident and provide the best version of hospitality to their families and guests. You can find her @serviruem on Instagram.

Elena’s place setting intrigued me from my first look. Antique flatware is always inviting, and it looked lovely with the chosen complementary antique elements, like the stemware and other pieces on the table. The menu was interesting and all were excellent choices for the era chosen.

This envisioned dinner and place setting for the menu was for Peter Durnovo. Durnovo was, over his lifetime, an Imperial Russian lawyer, politician, ambassador and statesman. He was also a member of the Russian nobility, belonging to House of Durnovo and, in 1915, he was the last Russian Imperial Minister of Interior to die from natural causes. Six successors were all killed during the Revolution and Red Terror, from 1918-1922.

The setting has almost a masculine look to it; it’s not fussy in the least, even with the antique flatware. The dark colors and equally dark patina on the flatware mixes very well together. One can just imagine 19th century diplomats and politicians, discussing weighty matters over a late meal at this setting, and several others exactly like it at the table.

MENU

Champignon Cream Soup

Potato Croquettes

Pozharsky Cutlet garnished with Potatoes, Beans and Peas

Fried Duck and Hazel Grouse

Boiled Artichokes

Hot Vanilla Creme

Wrote Elena, “ I have made this place setting for a historical home dinner of November 30th, 1857. I took its menu from the book about Mr. Peter Durnovo, a member of the State Council of the Russian Empire.”

A few etiquette notes on Elena’s setting: 

Elena’s choice of old flatware added to the overall beautiful look. There was one element of the place setting that was correct, while also incorrect at the same time… The soup spoon placed where it was, was correct. The size and type of soup spoon was incorrect as it does not correspond with the soup bowl. It is a creamy soup, and that is and oval dessert or cream soup spoon, however the bowl is the incorrect size. That being said, in 1857, it would be hard to find a household with a large variety of soup spoons.

A small, round-bowled, bouillon spoon or a larger, round-bowled cream soup spoon would have been more appropriate for eating soup from this soup bowl, however most households this early into the Victorian era didn’t usually have more than one or two sizes of soup spoons, and did not have the 5 or 6 different varieties commonly seen later in the 1800’s and early 1900’s.

Looking at the spoon, tends to only make the size stand out more, dwarfing the smaller knife and fork, acting as a “bird set”, for the Pozharsky Cutlet, which is on the menu after the soup. But again, this may not have been an era in which the soup spoon would have been available for this type of bowl in Russia. I have to defer to her knowledge of Russian flatware until I can investigate soup spoon history there.

The size of the large Damask napkin is the appropriate size for a formal dinner, and often missed by many people. It is folded narrowly, but I can tell by the amount of folds, about how large it is when opened up.

The largest of napkins are the correct choice for formal dinner settings.

  

The stemware and other glass appears period and the design on the stemware is very subtle, adding to the overall antique look for this inviting place setting.

1. Have you always enjoyed a properly set table? Or, if not, was table setting something you learned to enjoy through your social life and/or business, later on in life? 

 

I started from the table setting for my dolls when I was a very little  girl. I had a toy table and chairs, some toy food and a lovely doll china set.  Since I was 5 or 6 years old, my grandmother delegated me setting a table for all home parties and for family’s Sunday dinners as well (a table for 5).

 

Like many families in the Soviet Union, ours had some holidays-only dishes and others for everyday meals. I really enjoyed floral porcelain plates and teacups. I loved to be on duty for setting a table, yet I did not know any of the strict etiquette rules then.

 

First time I learned how to set a table properly was at school. Those days, girls had a course on housekeeping. I was so excited to study how to place forks and knives, what types of plates exist and other basic rules of dining etiquette. It made me a family expert on table setting.

 

The most useful course I took at the Secretary School. – It was a Diplomatic Protocol delivered by an officer from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Meanwhile, I read a lot – in the early 90s we got foreign books on etiquette available here in Russia.  

 

Then my working experience gave me many chances for practice.

 

2. How did you choose the various elements you used in your setting and why?

 

I decided on a historical setting from the very beginning because I like to learn details of everyday life in the past. So, I was looking for a good source of such information, and I was super lucky to find it.

 

I used old family china, glass and silver, the most “historical” of what I had at home. Of course, I had to add some modern items, for example I took the crystal service plate and vase because I thought they would look appropriate to the chosen legend, I mean the time and social status of the heroes.

 

 

3. How, if at all, did Covid related social restrictions affect your choice of setting? Were you ready to celebrate? Feeling in the mood to do something different? Etc…

 

Not much actually. As I said, I needed a reliable source of data, so I chose and pre-ordered several books at the Russian State Library’s site.

 

Big libraries in Moscow were already open and worked almost normally, we just had to follow some procedures like temperature measurement at the entrance, keeping the social distance and wearing masks and gloves the whole time of visit.

 

Of course, it was not as comfortable as usually, so I tried to do everything quickly. That is why I missed the information about drinks first and had to make a library trip once more.

 

As for my mood, the contest cheered me up. I felt very inspired and involved. However, I did understand the low spirits of people from the countries where longer lockdowns were still in force. 

 

4. Same for the menu chosen as question number three… Did Covid related social restrictions affect your menu choices at all? 

 

The menu was my biggest concern and then my biggest luck. The book contained original dinner menus; I just copied those sounded more or less clear to me (because some of them were rather weird) and then made my choice. 

 

As for the drinks, they were not on the menu, so that issue required more investigation, analysis, and some kind of deductive method, I would say.

 

5. If yours was a historical setting, why did you choose that particular period in time?

 

My favorite epoch in Russian history is the 19^thcentury, and Saint Petersburg is a city I am in love with. When I found such a detailed description of family dinners from that very city in that very time (1850s), I could not wish for more.

 

6. Do you plan on entering again next year?

 

Oh, yes, I would love to participate again because I feel it inside as a challenge, an adventure, and enjoyment – all in one. Let me thank you Maura and your co-sponsor Elizabeth for hosting the contest and for choosing my place setting as the best in the show.

 

You are most welcome, Elena. Elizabeth and I both wish you great success in your new business venture! – Maura Graber

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1893’s Etiquette Fads and Fashions

One popular girl, or popular family, can cause a raging fashion for an entire season and beyond. – Eloise Bridgerton in opera gloves.– Photo source, Pinterest

It is a caprice of the moment with a certain set of girls who strive for fads and eccentricities to omit all punctuation marks in their letters. Probably some one who couldn’t put them in, started the fashion. Just as a girl at the operá a few years ago, found that a sore finger throbbed and ached desperately if her hand lay on her lap, and was much relieved when she held it upright. So she sat all the evening in a conspicuous box, with one slender gloved-hand touching her cheek – with the result of making the attitude a marked and raging fashion that entire season.

It is a suggestion to slip a salted almond into the vacuum left by a date or French prune stone and try the surprise.

English tennis cakes are offered at the house tennis parties of the season. They are a good sized loaf cake, tasting like a pound cake, with a little fruit. A New-York caterer introduced them and still monopolizes the custom in them.

Up to a year or so ago, doilies were used in moderation for finger bowls and occasional small dishes. Then they suddenly became fashionable for nearly every separate bit of china. The table was dotted with them until it looked like the counter of a linen store. They were used to set the cup upon in one’s saucer– certainly the silliest and the furthest from neat of all napery whims. Now the reaction has set in. It is no longer form to employ doilies, save in the occasional manner of a twelvemonth.

A late Parisian novelty– Bats in diamonds are bizarre enough to attract the attention of those seeking after new and strange effects. Old jewels can be reset and rearranged in these bats, which are described as setting off to striking advantage a ball costume.

Linen collars and cuffs are again in high favor, but worn with a difference. The cuffs are no longer a mere strip of white below the sleeve, but protrude for an inch or two, like a man's wristbands. This would seem another saucy attempt to seize upon the masculine belongings. –“Her Point of View”, NYT, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

When a Spoon Became Superfluous

Not a superfluous spoon in site… “The teaspoon is restricted to the teacup and that alone.” 1893 – “One of the biggest mistakes I am used to seeing in Competition Tablescaping or Table Setting, is the error of a superfluous spoon at the place settings. If there is not a soup course or anything else that etiquette requires a spoon for, the spoon is an extra appendage unnecessary at the settings and the table loses much needed points.” – Maura J. Graber, Etiquipedia© Site Editor and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette

The teaspoon has been banished from the table of the ultra elegant. Its use has long been forbidden to assist in eating any sort of kernel and soft vegetables, but it survived for a time as an aid to consuming what our grandmothers called “sauce,” and for certain desserts of a custard nature or ices and ice cream. 

Now, its employment is considered, as the fashionable woman told her child, “worse than wicked vulgar” in any such service, and so, like Fatima in the ‘Arabian Nights’ eating her grains of rice, we pick at all those yielding, gelatinous, and elusive substances, with a little fork. The teaspoon is restricted to the teacup and that alone.–New York Times, 1893

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Teas and Tea Fads

“And oh! by the way, society has had a laugh this Winter at some ultra-important women who have had butlers and footmen serve the tea. It's not good form at all. The servants are in attendance at the tea table to change the spirit lamps, replenish, and assist the ladies who preside in any needed way, but to hand the tea, never!”

“There has been a demand for Empire gowns at teas this Winter. I have assisted in receiving at a number, and have invariably been asked to wear such a toilet. The receiving party arrange their gowns to harmonize, of course. I poured tea yesterday afternoon at a place, and for fun I tried to count how many cups were taken from my hand. 

“And oh! by the way, society has had a laugh this Winter at some ultra-important women who have had butlers and footmen serve the tea. It's not good form at all. The servants are in attendance at the tea table to change the spirit lamps, replenish, and assist the ladies who preside in any needed way, but to hand the tea, never!

“But to get back to my tea statistics. I poured over 200 cups of tea alone, and the other women serving chocolate and bouillon seemed equally busy: of that number not one cup had cream in it. Many took sugar, and everybody took lemon and cordial or rum; some asked for more cordial than I at first put in. 

“The fashionable cordial for tea this Winter is Kirschwasser, and it is served either in the tiny cordial cups or ladled in spoonfuls in a cordial spoon of Norwegian enamel. The tea caddies are lower than have been used heretofore, and a Russian one of silver and gold inlaid is most esteemed.

Low, flaring tea cups, very small, are oftenest seen, some holding as little as an after-dinner coffee oup. There are fewer flowers at teas, too, and, except for the musicians screened by palms and other potted plants, the florist has not been in much demand for these affairs. Many society women are noted for some specialty at their teas, as Mrs. Robert Roosevelt, whose chocolate is famous, with its dash of sherry, and Mrs. Butterfield, whose clam broth is incomparable.

“Punches have been revived this year. They fell rather into disfavor since a few seasons ago, when it was whispered that punches offered at teas at some houses were too strong for women’s heads. But they have been offered this season, and all tea has its dash of something.”– New York Times, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Novelties for Edwardian Era Hostesses

Formerly the good housekeeper was content to have a padding of canton flannel cloth for the dining room table, but nowadays she may have an asbestos pad, which has the merit of keeping the table from damage by heat or moisture, a thing the flannel pad fails to do.

NOVELTIES SEEN IN THE SHOPS

Formerly the good housekeeper was content to have a padding of canton flannel cloth for the dining room table, but nowadays she may have an asbestos pad, which has the merit of keeping the table from damage by heat or moisture, a thing the flannel pad fails to do. These new pads can be made to order for tables of odd sizes and shapes; an in these days, when doilies so often displace damask cloths for luncheon and tea service, it is an undoubted advantage to keep one’s table in the best possible condition, free from stains and spots.  

The woman who takes pleasure in giving bridge whist parties, will find a unique prize in a perfume named after the game; this is produced by a well-known importer of perfumes, and is a composite odor; it comes in two sizes, and one size is about $2 a bottle. A bridge box holds two pads, two pencils and two packs of cards.

In these warm Summer days ginger ale and other “fizzy” things are so popular that a little patent bottle stopper, contrived for the purpose of preserving the “fizz” in the bottle, after it has been opened, is of interest to the housekeeper and the persons planning a picnic party. This stopper is of rubber and nickel, and by moistening the rubber before inserting the stopper in a bottle, it is guaranteed to keep the bottle airtight. They cost 20 cents each.– New York Times, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gent’s Travel Etiquette of 1901

A gentleman should dress modestly and avoid display. A dark or light-colored wool suit, linen shirt, overcoat, soft felt or Derby hat, gloves and an umbrella are the essentials. His traveling case should contain plenty of clean linen, socks, toilet articles, etc…

Gentlemen’s Dress in Traveling

A gentleman should dress modestly and avoid display. A dark or light-colored wool suit, linen shirt, overcoat, soft felt or Derby hat, gloves and an umbrella are the essentials. His traveling case should contain plenty of clean linen, socks, toilet articles, etc…

The trunk should always be marked plainly with the owner’s initials and address. A gentleman will never quarrel with the employes of the road, no matter how annoying their conduct may be.

Courtesy Upon Leaving a Hotel

Notice should be given at the desk of the hotel a few hours previous to one’s departure for some other point. This will enable the clerk to have bill ready, baggage brought to the door and such other matters attended to as may be necessary. It is quite the polite thing to say a few pleasant words of farewell to the proprietor or clerk as the case may warrant, thus leaving with him a good impression and a desire that you come again.

Miscellaneous Hints in Traveling

He must remember that an ordinary acquaintance ends with the day’s journey.

He can offer his paper to one sitting in the same seat with himself. He will behave at a hotel table in precisely the same quiet fashion that he would at a friend's house, or his own home.

He must be cautious how loudly he talks and not recount his family history in his sleeping berth, or room in a hotel, for the partitions and walls of such places are proverbially thin.– Annie Randall White, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette On Board a Steamer

Good-breeding forbids that one monopolize the steamer piano or do all the talking in the ladies’ cabin. Pay some regard to the comfort of those who retire earlier than yourself. Politeness which springs from a kind heart is opposed to boisterous laughter and loud talking.

Steamer Acquaintances

On a steamer where people are thrown together for days, many pleasant acquaintances spring into existence, and some warm friend ships which have stood the test of time have been formed.

But even here, where much freedom is allowed, it is conceded that a certain degree of reserve should be observed on the part of a lady, and that no familiarity should be permitted; also that an acquaintance formed on board a ship need not proceed further than the place which gave it countenance.

Good-breeding forbids that one monopolize the steamer piano or do all the talking in the ladies’ cabin.

Pay some regard to the comfort of those who retire earlier than yourself. Politeness which springs from a kind heart is opposed to boisterous laughter and loud talking.

Table Etiquette on Board Steamer

At the table do not eat hastily and greedily. It is not only ill mannered, but is not a healthy practice. Time is ample here, and you have not the excuse of a hastily-eaten meal at a railway station. Besides, the hundred or more pairs of eyes that are observing you will comment unfavorably.

Never allude to sea-sickness at the table. Most every one is squeamish on the water, and any allusion of this sort is in bad taste.

Remember here, as elsewhere, to avoid giving offense, and regard the rights of all.

Hold yourself ready to pass anything should occasion require. – Annie Randall White, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Phone Etiquette

“Is this an instrument of communication or torture?” 

“The universal use of the telephone is another factor in the modification of social customs. Among familiar friends, the little chat over the ‘phone largely takes the place of the informal call. Also, invitations to any but strictly formal functions are now sent by telephone, if agreeable to both parties; though it is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part. 

While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range; possibly telepathy—who knows? Or, possibly tele-photography with it—why not? Then, the slow, laborious writing of messages will be as much out of date as the super-annuated stage-coach.

But—not yet; we are still in the process of evolution. It is still safe to heed Pope's famous advice: ‘Be not the first by whom the new is tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.’” –Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette” from 1900

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Teaching Children Table Manners

Deck out the table prettily, with special linen, china, silver, with flowers and, possibly, lighted candles. Then make it a rule not to fuss with the children about anything at all, table manners, accidents, how much or how little they eat. Just see that the conversation is pleasant, mind your own manners, and you'll make the desired impression. A child isn’t ready for a regular seat at the family table until he is eight or nine.

Five-year-old David's table manners are a source of real concern to his parents. No doubt the problem is exaggerated in their minds because the youngster takes most of his meals with them. There are many bad features to such an arrangement. First, there is a tendency at the family table to judge manners by adult standards. There is likely, therefore, to be too much attention paid to essentally unimportant details. As a result, not only will the child's manners remain unimproved, but he will lose interest in the meal itself. 

A child, moreover, is expected to sit quietly at the adult table and not act bored, although the conversation may be way over his head. He is not supposed to show dissatisfaction when more interesting food than what he gets is served to mother and father. Under the circumstances, one of the chief reasons for having a child eat with his parents—to let him learn table manners by imitation—is defeated. But where a child takes the majority of his meals alone, the occasion of eating with mother and father becomes for him both a privilege and a special event. 

Such a meal easily can be built around dishes which all like and can partake of. A party atmosphere can be made to prevail. Deck out the table prettily, with special linen, china, silver, with flowers and, possibly, lighted candles. Then make it a rule not to fuss with the children about anything at all, table manners, accidents, how much or how little they eat. Just see that the conversation is pleasant, mind your own manners, and you'll make the desired impression. A child isn’t ready for a regular seat at the family table until he is eight or nine.– By Jane Coward, 1942

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Unsealed Letters

Especially unsafe is it to place in an unsealed package articles of large money value. Would any sane man send a $50 bill in an unsealed envelope by the hand of a friend or anybody whomsoever? The friend himself, if he knew the nature of the enclosure, would be very apt to protest against this sacrifice of common sense at the shrine of etiquette.

The point of etiquette, in regard to not sealing letters sent by the hand of a friend, is to be considered, undoubtedly, as settled by the usage of polite society. And yet there are two sides to the question. To intrust to a friend an unsealed letter to a third person is a compliment to the friend; but why should it be thought necessarily uncomplimentary if the letter be sealed? On the other hand, the sealing of a letter may be deemed always advisable, for one good reason at least. The contents of an unsealed letter are never safe. They are safe so far as the honorable friend is concerned, but not safe in any other sense. 

They may be lost from the envelope easily and innocently. They may be abstracted and read by the servant to whom the note is delivered at the door, or by any prying individual who may find the missive lying on the hall table and awaiting the owner's arrival. Especially unsafe is it to place in an unsealed package articles of large money value. Would any sane man send a $50 bill in an unsealed envelope by the hand of a friend or anybody whomsoever? The friend himself, if he knew the nature of the enclosure, would be very apt to protest against this sacrifice of common sense at the shrine of etiquette.- “C. S. E.” in New York Commercial Advertiser, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia