Now Don't Get Snooty About Etiquette Editor

       

Agony Aunt Anne Singleton on etiquette and correcting one’s grammar. “Why be snooty?”

A LADY who writes to say my English is faulty in spots–whose isn't?– after having objected to the correspondence of another lady and myself on the subject of “if I were” as against “if I was,” further takes me to task for various modes of expression and finally ends by asking: “Why be snooty?”

Why indeed? But what does she consider snooty about my answering a letter to the best of my ability, using the language I was taught to speak? I don't call her snooty for disagreeing with me and trying to set me straight, from her point of view. She thinks I'm wrong. I think she's wrong. But I am not going to characterize her opinions as she does mine. 

I am going to quote Professor Loundsbury to her. Three fundamental principles he lays down. “The first is that usage is the authoritative standard of speech. The second is that it must be good usage. The third is that it must be present good usage.” I admit I'm no grammarian. I couldn't give the rules for employing one combination of words instead of another. But I do know present day usage among the best authors and I am well aware of it among the best speakers of English. 

While answering in the manner objected to (which is a form of expression I wager will be condemned) I imagined I was gossiping with a neighbor, not exchanging gestures of defiance with an enemy and I certainly was not conscious of being proud or vain-glorious. Be that as it may, how will my readers take it if I tell one (who writes to ask) that I pronounce “either” with the sound of “i” rather than “e” because I was so taught, because the better educated of my friends do so and because the Oxford dictionary commends it? Is that snooty?– By Anne Singleton for Vogue, 1931

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Agony Aunts

Numerous “Agony Aunts” have given advice to readers of magazines and newspapers throughout the late 19th, the 20th and now into the 21st centuries. Even the popular period drama, “Downton Abbey,” had an Agony Aunt of its own, offering advice to women in Edith’s magazine. Butler for the Dowager Countess, Septimus Spratt, wrote under a female pseudonym. 

Agony Aunt, Anne Singleton, Gives Advice Passed Down from Her Aunts

“Dear Miss Singleton:

In writing a note to accept an invitation, one should say ‘I accept with pleasure.’ Or ‘I have pleasure in accepting.’ The act of accepting is not in the future, but in the present so ‘I shall be delighted to accept’ is wrong. 

Sincerely yours, A. H. L.” 

And so it is technically wrong, and often enough my aunts have called the same to my attention in early youth! But by the almost universal sanction of custom (and smart custom at that), this mode of expression has assumed a correctness which, as my correspondent points out, is not a true one. We project ourselves into the future when we say, “shall be delighted to accept” and imagine ourselves already at the party. We should say, “I shall be delighted to dine, dance, or play cards with you.” But “I accept with pleasure your kind invitation to dine, dance or play cards.” 

 A. H. L. is right, and I entirely agree with her. I was so carried away by the “will” and “shall” illustration, and so accustomed to the rather casual social usage of today, that it never struck me as incorrect. Alas, I am many years away from my aunts’ accurate teaching. Under their tuition, I learned to say “In the street,” never “On the street” one lived on a road, but in a street because the houses formed the street. To this day, I feel guilty when I find myself using any other forms of expression than those they approved. — San Bernardino Sun, 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Retro Etiquette and Single Gals

“No one should criticize young women whose circumstances force them to live alone for making a natural and pleasant background for themselves. It would be absurd to shut them up and forbid them the usual social intercourse.” 

“Anne Gives Advice on Etiquette”

Madam– Two young business women, between twenty-two and twenty-five years old, who live together in an apartment, have been criticized by friends and contemporaries of their parents for receiving their men friends in this apartment and having men call there to take them out. Their callers never stay late and their conduct is at all times above reproach. Will you be good enough to tell me if this criticism is justified? Does not social convention today permit girls in business, who are forced to live alone, the independence of action which they would have if living with their parents? Death has deprived these girls of the natural protection of their parents and of means to invite an older woman to live with them. They have stood upon their own feet in the face of such devastating losses, and in such a wonderful way, that any criticism, which is unjust, seems cruel. Must girls who are forced to live alone, forego the natural social joys and contacts which they would have in their parent's home? – "H. R." 

Modern convention is much more open-minded than the friends of the girl’s parents. No one should criticize young women whose circumstances force them to live alone for making a natural and pleasant background for themselves. It would be absurd to shut them up and forbid them the usual social intercourse. Of course, their men friends should be allowed to call on them at their apartment and take them out whenever the occasion suggests it. Nobody goes out of the way, nowadays, to suspect evil: that is entirely out of date, thank goodness. Girls in business, supporting themselves and living in the simple decorous manner outlined by you, should be helped in every way to make a happy surrounding. – By Anne Singleton, 1930

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Engagement Season

The Christmas holidays, they say, full of gaiety and high spirits (I allude to those of nature’s providing are apt to lead to engagements; hasty manners, perhaps, but none the less agreeable.) Spring, of course, has always been considered a happy time for lovers’ boughs budding with green fire, the livelier iris of the dove, and all the rest of it July, August and early September are languid...

“Anne Gives Advice on Etiquette”

“Can you tell us,” writes a firm which shall be nameless, “if there are any special seasons of the year, in which people become engaged? We should appreciate what information you have on the subject.“ – "A. B. & C."


At first sight, this appeared as impossible an etiquette question to answer as any I ever received and I've received some difficult ones! It seemed to me that Pan, Cupid, Propinquity, Chance, any of the higher powers or the natural forces that govern humanity, might better be consulted. I thought of Tennyson’s pleasant line “In the Spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love,” but nothing else occurred to me. However, I dined with a newly married nephew that evening, and I thought I would confide my problem to him. “I can tell you that,” he replied with the fine readiness of youth. “The Christmas holiday, the early spring, also the months of July, August and half of September.” 

I have talked to other young men since. The Christmas holidays, they say, full of gaiety and high spirits (I allude to those of nature’s providing are apt to lead to engagements; hasty manners, perhaps, but none the less agreeable.) Spring, of course, has always been considered a happy time for lovers’ boughs budding with green fire, the livelier iris of the dove, and all the rest of it July, August and early September are languid, white moon months, very wisely devoted to the selection of a companion in sentiment who may before one knows it, become a companion for life, or part of it, at any rate. This leaves autumn and later winter as the only periods to be devoted to book learning or business. Will any man give me more ideas on this subject? –By Anne Singleton, 1931 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia