Etiquette and Affecting Superiority

A “gentleman” or French “gentilhomme.” —
“It is true that a cook maybe as much of a lady as any other woman, or a porter as true a gentleman as a President of the United States.”

Everybody reads the advertising columns of the newspaper. Advertisements are always worth looking at. They are a reflex of the business and social needs at the time, and of the manners and customs of the people. Here is a peculiar announcement cut from the columns of a California contemporary: 

‘Wanted—Situation by a middle-aged man and wife; the lady is a first class cook; the gentleman can do all kinds of out-door work; wait on table or act as porter; parties are colored, and late arrivals from the East.’ 

This reveals a rather ludicrous affectation in the use of the words “lady” and “gentleman,’’ where “man” and “woman” would be properly employed, although it is true that a cook maybe as much of a lady as any other woman, or a porter as true a gentleman as a President of the United States. 

Color does not figure in the case at all. Why should people be reluctant to call themselves men and women? No one speaks of Adam as the “first gentleman” or Eve as the “first lady.” But perhaps affectation will some day get to that pitch. —The Marysville Daily Appeal, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Time for Gents’ Etiquette

Etiquette 101 for the Fashionable Modern Man

“One may think that the concept of etiquette has been in existence since the dawn of modern society, when people began with their efforts to harmoniously co-exist with one another. However, as it turns out, the history of etiquette is traced back to what could be considered to be trivial matters of everyday life.”

By 1965, Bob Dylan had already taken notice of how the times were “a-changin.” Those times were not as technologically advanced as they are today, but culture and society were moving at warp speed, nonetheless.

With that being said, the sense of etiquette has rightfully gone through evolution and progress as time passed. The rules of decorum nowadays would definitely differ greatly compared to Dylan’s time, from social norms to fashion sense. In this article, we will be focusing more on etiquette for men, and what is expected for the male species in terms of how to act and dress appropriately in order to gain a high level of respect from their peers.

Time for a Brief History of Etiquette

One may think that the concept of etiquette has been in existence since the dawn of modern society, when people began their efforts to harmoniously co-exist with one another. However, as it turns out, the history of etiquette is traced back to what could be considered to be trivial matters of everyday life.

According to historical accounts, it all began in the 16th century in Versailles, France when the gardener of King Louis XIV noticed that some noblemen walked through the gardens and ended up crushing their planted flowers. Out of frustration, gardener of King Louis decided to put up his own “Keep of the Grass” sign, which was called “etiquets.”Apparently, the sign did not have much of an effect, as people continued to trample on the flowers, crushing every single one of them to death. This had urged the king himself to take action and he essentially forbade anyone to step beyond the boundaries that were set by his gardener. 

Eventually, the concept of etiquette transcended beyond King Louis XIV’s garden and was applied across the board. Nowadays, the term “etiquette” is used to denote expected manners and how to act accordingly in public.

A Look at the Modern Concept of Gent’s Etiquette

What was known as the modern society in the 1950’s is vastly different from the same concept when applied in 2018. In the past few years alone, the vehement and almost rabid calls for gender equality have been the forefront in many of the “causes” that people have engaged in.

Take the concept of holding the door open for a woman as an example. Back in the day, it was considered to be one of the ultimate “​gentlemanly moves​” that is widely practiced. In today’s society, however, it can be deemed as a form of sexism, which can turn into an instant matter of dispute. The same goes for pulling a woman’s chair out for her at the dining table. Once appreciated by those who lived by the belief that “chivalry is not dead,” it is now a practice that has become almost passé.

Nowadays, gentlemanly etiquette is more about acting with the utmost respect towards another person, rather than following “the norm.” So in terms of applying both concepts in today’s society, it would be safest to be that which defines a “gentleman,” to every individual you encounter, may it be a man, woman, young or old.

It could be quite a challenge to live within the bounds of the rules of current society, but the 2018 gentleman should basically act with utmost respect and consideration toward all his fellow humans. This is the overall encompassing concept that should be followed in order to propagate a more harmonious relationship with other people.

Time for Men’s Fashion Etiquette 101

Now let’s talk about something that most people would be able to relate with: fashion. No matter how much effort you choose to put in with what you wear, it is ultimately important to put a premium on how a man carries himself. A man's appearance will create a strong (or weak) first impression of himself to others and it will determine if he will be a person that will command respect or otherwise.

There are basics to a man’s fashion etiquette, with the most apparent one being the ability to clearly distinguish his clothing choices for each occasion. Each and every man should know the difference between semi-formal and business attire, to business casual clothing. The same thing applies to creative black tie wardrobes and full-on black tie suits.

A vital part of a man’s wardrobe is the timepiece that is strapped to his wrist. With that being said, there are certain rules when it comes to wristwatch etiquette, and they are pretty simple guidelines to remember.

1. First off, it is key to take note of which type of watch would be worn with a particular attire. It goes without saying that a sport or diver’s watch will never go well with a coat and tie, no matter how deep of a favorite this brand is for you. 
2. At the same time, your beloved Timex dress watch would most certainly be a wrong fit if you decide to go on your daily afternoon hike with the dog.
3. Watch size is another important factor to consider. You would not want it to be too small and look like a woman’s watch, and too big that it comes off as being boastful. Choose something that is proportionate to the fit of your wrist.
4. It would also be ideal to own more than one watch that would match every occasion and attire. Of course, you would want to go within budget and not spend beyond your means, try to compile a small collection of affordable brands that you can cycle through your daily use.
5. Aside from fashion etiquette, never repeatedly check the time with your watch. Obviously checking the time can denote impatience. It can also make others around you uncomfortable, can rush others you are with, or make those you are with feel as if you have someplace you would rather be. 

Thanks to Ambassador Watches for the great photos and the contribution to Etiquipedia

This modern-day brand has been one of the go-to products of watch aficionados for its style, durability, and affordability. Ambassador Watches offers a selection of​ ​elegant designs​ from its Heritage collection, where one can choose from either the Heritage 1863, the Heritage 1921, and the Heritage 1959. Each of these variations has interchangeable straps, allowing one to go from leather to mesh, depending on how one feels that particular day.

To ensure that your timepieces will last more than a lifetime and eventually become valuable heirlooms to the next generation, Ambassador Watches are made with 40mm polished silver and 316-L Stainless Steel casings. Built using traditional watchmaking methods wherein real steel molds are used, its crown, lugs, and case are also color-coated multiple times to prevent instant color loss and maintain its polished and glossy exterior. Ambassador Watches come with a full three-year warranty. All of these pluses should be more than enough to fulfill your watch needs. (To know more about Ambassador Watches and all of its products, check out its official website).

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of True Ladies and Gents

The perfect lady is not the ornamental butterfly of society, as so many would have us believe. She does some useful work, no matter what it is. The perfect gentleman knows the manners of good society and he does not hesitate to use them.

The True Lady and Gentleman

It is not enough to be wealthy. It is not enough to be widely famed. But if one is well-mannered, if one knows how to conduct oneself with poise, grace and self-confidence, one will win respect and honor no matter where one chances to be.

There are very few men indeed who do not value good manners. They may ridicule them, they may despise them—but deep down in their hearts they know that good manners have a certain charm, a certain power, that wealth and fame together do not possess. They know that right in their own business spheres there are men who owe their success and position to the appearance that they make, to the manner in which they conduct themselves. And they know that there are beautiful women who are coldly repellent; while some plain women win the hearts of everyone with whom they come in contact, merely by the charm of their manners.

The perfect gentleman is not the dude, the over-dressed "dandy" who disdains the workingman in his patched clothes and who sniffs contemptuously at the word "work." The true gentleman is kindly, courageous, civil. He is kind to everyone—to the tottering old man he helps across the street, and to the mischievous young rascal who throws a ball through his window. He does not know what it is to become angry, to lose control of his temper, to speak discourteously. He never shows that he is embarrassed or ill at ease. He is as calm and unconcerned in the presence of a world-wide celebrity as he is when he is with his most intimate friend. Nor is he ever bitter, haughty or arrogant. And he is as far from being effeminate as he is from being coarse and brutal. In short, he knows the manners of good society and he does not hesitate to use them.

The perfect lady is not the ornamental butterfly of society, as so many would have us believe. She is gentle, and well-dressed and graceful—not merely ornamental. She does some useful work, no matter what it is. She is patient always, and generous. She never speaks harshly to tradespeople or to servants; gentleness and reserve are the very keynotes of her manner. She is never haughty, never superior. She is kind and courteous to everyone, and she conducts herself with the calm, unassuming grace that instinctively wins a responsive respect. In her manner towards men she is reserved, modest. But she is self-reliant and not afraid to assert herself. Her speech and manner are characterized always by dignity, repose and self-confidence.” — From Lillian Eichler's 1921, "Book of Etiquette, Volume I"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia