1859 Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Pt 3

In England, it is the custom for ladies to retire a little before the close of the meal. American ladies are not disposed to admire this habit, and we are too gallant and too anxious to enjoy the charm of their conversation, to subject them to this mode of banishment.

The fork is never to be laid on its back.

The host has the knives changed for dessert.

The knife and fork, and the table utensils generally should never be handed endways, but should be held by the middle.

Coffee is generally served after passing into the drawing room. The lady of the house fills it out if it be after dinner; after breakfast this office may be left to a servant.

The hostess should not seek to outvie her guests in the costliness of her toilet. This would be in bad taste.

In England, it is the custom for ladies to retire a little before the close of the meal. American ladies are not disposed to admire this habit, and we are too gallant and too anxious to enjoy the charm of their conversation, to subject them to this mode of banishment.

The lady of the house should show the same solicitude for all her guests, and take care that they want for nothing.

In some houses, a custom has been adopted, which appears to us vulgar, viz: the gentlemen retire from the company for a short time to smoke; on their return to the ladies, their clothes and breath exhale the disagreeable perfume. There are few well- bred women to whom tobacco is not extremely offensive.

The host rises to leave the table; you must remember not to fold your napkin, as is usual in the family, where the same napkin serves you several times. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady, and conducts her back to the drawing-room.

The Romans knew how to enhance, by enjoyments unknown to us, the pleasures of the table; and the Greeks threw more poetry into their festivals than our somewhat prosaic eaters. At the banquets of Greece, the sculptured cups were crowned with roses; singers and musicians enlivened the close of the repast; and the wit of the professed jester contributed to the entertainment of the guests.

The table and side-board and mantels will always look more inviting when dressed tastefully in flowers. A sweet bouquet before each lady is a personal compliment which it is easy to bestow, and one which can not fail to please the guests.— Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen, 1859

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1859 Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Pt 2

Scarlett and Rhett on their honeymoon in “Gone with the Wind”…“Some persons use their bread at dinner to dry up their plates; this is intolerable beyond the family circle, and even there is rather childish.” And may we add that stuffing one’s face until one appears like a hamster, is also childish? – Image source, Pinterest

Once at table, you should not lose sight of the plate or glass of your fair neighbor, showing yourself attentive, without affectation or over-officiousness.

Meat should be cut only according as it is carried to the mouth. To cut up a plateful is the very height of greediness and ill-breeding.

Bread is broken as it is wanted; after soup, which is served out by the host, the spoon remains on the plate, as it will not be used again.

Where wine is used, three glasses are usually laid down to each guest at dinner: one for ordinary wines; another of smaller size for claret; the third to receive the sparkling foam of the champagne. 

In drinking you should say to your neighbor, "Sir, may I offer you?" and not employ the ungenteel phrase, "Will you take?" as if you were at the bar of some ordinary drinking-saloon.

If the dish that you desire be too far from your neighbor, do not ask another guest; the servant will attend your orders.

The noise of the knife and plate should be heard as little as possible; rapidity in eating is also ill-bred.

A knowledge of carving is indispensable to all men who would act the host with grace and propriety.

Do not assist yourself to any dish where servants stand ready to supply you.

Some persons use their bread at dinner to dry up their plates; this is intolerable beyond the family circle, and even there is rather childish.

Parents should be careful to save their children from awkwardness in company, either in treading on a lady's dress, or using the knife in eating; or worse still, their fingers.

Never take any thing out of your pocket to lay on the table.

The napkin should rest on the knees, only half unfolded. — Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen, 1859

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1859 Etiquette for Dinner Parties

In ceremonious dinners, the place of each guest is assigned beforehand; you thus avoid putting several ladies together. Each one should have a gentleman next her.

"To give an invitation," says a brilliant writer, "is to take the responsibility of your guest's happiness during the time he is under your roof." This is an ambitious view of the subject; we will alter it thus: "To invite a man, is to undertake to do all in your power to make him feel satisfied with the pleasure you offer him." In order to do which, it is essential to know the tastes of your guests. 

To invite two persons at enmity with each other, to an entertainment, is a blunder; it is unpardonable to bring such together in a small party, unless, indeed, the way to reconciliation lies open; and even in this case there is an awkwardness in the presence of enemies, which will not fail to render their presence unpleasant to others.

"The pleasures of the table," says the author of the "Physiology of Taste," "belong to all ages, to all ranks, to all countries; they may be enjoyed with all other pleasures, and remain the longest to console us for their loss." That this enjoyment may be undisturbed, take care that nothing occurs to chagrin any of the guests; if, therefore, the conversation falls upon a subject disagreeable to any one present, good-breeding requires that the host should skillfully turn it upon another topic.

An invitation to dinner should be given at least two days beforehand, except in extraordinary cases. From an inferior to a superior, it should be made in person.

In ceremonious dinners, the place of each guest is assigned beforehand; you thus avoid putting several ladies together. Each one should have a gentleman next her.

The host offers his arm to the lady deserving of most consideration. Young people should yield to those more advanced in years. Do not forget, in passing the threshold of a door, to precede the lady who leans on your arm. This is an exception to the general rule; in every other case, the gentleman should retire a step, to allow the lady to pass.

Before passing into the dining-room, each gentleman offers his left arm to a lady, and conducts her to table.

Beware of arriving too early or too late: in either case there is an awkwardness-in the former you inconvenience your host; in the latter, his guests. — Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen, 1859

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

On Manners and Table Customs

“The flesh of the hog, unless as ham, finds its way to few fashionable tables; and as there are many persons with strong aversions to the animal, besides Jews and Mohammedans, it is best to dispense with it as much as possible.” – Above : Two lovely Victorian serving pieces – A sterling bacon serving fork and a gilded sterling waffle server. No one would bat an eye if the bacon serving fork was used to serve “fakin’” or “facon”, a popular nickname for the numerous vegan bacon brands available to consumers now .

We shall give a few observations on eating, and the manners and customs of the table:

There is a certain fitness and character to be observed respecting what you eat. Coarse people are coarse livers. Refined people eat delicately. We do not expect a lady to eat beefsteak and onions, washed down with beer or porter. She will scarcely eat pork or drink whiskey. 

The flesh of the hog, unless as ham, finds its way to few fashionable tables; and as there are many persons with strong aversions to the animal, besides Jews and Mohammedans, it is best to dispense with it as much as possible. 

The most refined people I know dispense with the flesh of animals entirely, from esthetic, moral, and hygienic considerations. But, as I am not writing a work on physiology or dietetics, I will not discuss the point. —From “The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments,” 1855

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 3

Etiquette changed over the latter part of the 19th century in the United States. When this book was written in 1855, it was still poor etiquette to use cherry forks or other diminutive forks for eating the small fruits and berries. By the Gilded Age, these forks for fruits were quite proper and sold in sets of 4, 6, 8 and more! – “Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.”

The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.

With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. 

Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.

In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.

If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.

In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.

When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you. 

Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.

Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”

Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner. 

Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.

Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.

Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.

The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.

After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.

In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.

A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 2

At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.” If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you.

                             

The third course will bring the principal dishes– roast and boiled meats, fowls, etc...; and these are followed by game. There are also side dishes of various kinds. Game comes next; and then the cloth is removed.

There are a few rules which must not be violated. Your knife was made to cut your food with, and is never to be put to your mouth. The four or five pronged fork, now in general use, has this intention if you cannot manage with a fork, try a spoon.

Next comes fish. This you may dress with the proper condiments. There are catsups and sauces especially adapted to it. But don't presume to use your knife, nor to eat any vegetables with it. Take your fork in your right hand, and your bread in your left. Fish does not require cutting. Where fish is served at a small and informal dinner, or on Friday, as a principal dish, it is another affair. You may eat it with vegetables and use a knife; but when it only forms one of several courses, take a little, as of soup, and but once.

When you lay down your fork on the plate, the waiter removes it, and supplies you with a clean plate.

Unless you are with temperance people, or are yourself pledged to total abstinence, you will probably take wine. At the side of your plate you will find five glasses– a small one for madeira, sherry, etc..., a larger goblet for claret, a green glass for hock or sauterne, a deeper goblet for champagne, and another for water; or, the waiter who asks you what wine you will take, will give you a suitable glass. 

At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.” If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you.

At the first part of a dinner there is much eating and little talking. When the appetite is satisfied this is changed.

Be exceedingly careful never to say or do anything at table which can produce disgust. If needful to remove anything from your mouth, do it carefully with the left hand. But if you eat prudently this will seldom be needful. Never use both hands to carry anything to your mouth. Break your bread, not bite it. Never be seen to pick your teeth. Wipe your nose, if needful, but never blow it at table. If you must spit, leave the room.

Before the cloth is removed, finger glasses, or large green or purple goblets, with tepid water, and a piece of lemon, will be placed by each plate. Don't mistake these for lemonade. Dip the tips of your fingers in the water, and wipe them on your napkin. Wet a corner of the napkin and wipe your mouth. The practice of rinsing the mouth with water from your goblet, and spirting it into the finger glass, is more suited to the privacy of your toilette than to a dinner table.

At the desert, help the ladies near you to puddings, pies, ice cream, confectionery, fruit, etc... Help strawberries with a spoon; but pass peaches, cherries, grapes, and olives, for each one to help himself with his fingers.

It is not customary to give toasts, or challenge people to take wine with you; it may, however, be done quietly and unobtrusively, as a familiar pleasantry.

Formerly, when ladies were supposed to be deficient in intellect, and gentlemen were truly deficient in decency, as soon as the dinner was over, and the gentlemen were ready for drinking, talking, smoking, and vile stories, and viler songs, the lady of the house gave a signal, the ladies rose, the gentlemen also, some one opened the door, and the ladies retired to the drawing room, while the gentlemen enjoyed their own peculiar pleasures. After-ward coffee or tea was served in the drawing room. But now that ladies can talk quite as well on most subjects as their lords, and that gentlemen think it as well to be decent in their own society, ladies remain at the dinner table, take champagne very prudently, if at all; coffee is served last, at the dinner table; and all retire together to the music, conversation, or flirtations of the drawing room.

This is about the routine of a fashionable dinner; and as our hotel keepers and steamboat captains intend to keep up with the fashions, a man who travels, if he goes into no society, properly so called, will do well to understand what is customary.

As the lion is best seen at feeding time, so the perfect gentleman and man of the world appears at best advantage at the table. Eating notably softens the temper and increases the geniality of most persons. If you want a favor of a man, see him after he has dined. The wine, with people who drink, has something to do with this, perhaps.

But while a man is eating, and in the early stages of his feast, he no more likes to be disturbed or annoyed than the lion aforesaid. In the early part of a dinner, then, be very quiet, and very careful of giving offence. Do not venture on a story, and be very sparing of your jokes, until the wire edge of hunger has been taken off.

The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.

With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.

In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.

If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.

In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.

When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you. 

Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.

Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”

Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner.

Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.

Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.

Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.

The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.

After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.

In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.

A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 1

Don’t make these mistakes as illustrated above! — And…
“Eat without the least noise. To suck soup into your mouth— to blow it— to tip up your plate— to send for a second plate, are things which might cause either of the ladies near you to faint or laugh, perhaps, behind their handkerchiefs.”

Be punctual when there is eating to be done. The dinner must not be served until every guest has arrived. Who would dare to face a dozen hungry men and women, and be responsible for a spoiled dinner? At a party, ball, concert, etc..., punctuality is of less consequence. Arrive at least fifteen minutes before the time; half an hour is better if you have come a distance, and need ablutions or other preparations, for which there should always be provided the necessary facilities.

When the servant announces that dinner is served, the master of the house presents his arm to the lady who, from age or position, is entitled to precedence. As ladies are not always explicit about their ages, and as our aristocratic distinctions are not very well defined, we may have some difficulty in this respect. As the “master of the feast” leads off the “first lady,” he will do well to invite some gentleman to follow him, who will offer his arm to the lady hostess. Each gentleman then attends some lady, and all assemble around the table. If the dining room is on the same floor, give the left arm; if you are to go down stairs, give the lady the wall.

In some cases, the place of each guest is designated by a card, with his or her name written upon it, beside the plate. There is much skill to be displayed in this arrangement. The lady to be particularly honored sits at the right-hand of the host, the gentleman at the left of the hostess. Then ladies and gentlemen are arranged so as to separate married couples as far as possible, of which the extreme example is the host and hostess, who are opposite each other, and so as to place each man between and vis a vis agreeable women.

You are expected to be very attentive to the lady at your right; to pass anything needful to the lady at your left, and to be very amiable to the lady opposite. But as fashionable tables are well provided with servants, a butler to carve, and a waiter behind nearly every chair, there is little labor, and should be no officiousness.

Sit firmly in your chair, without lolling, leaning back, drumming, or any gaucherie whatever. If a grace is to be asked, give it suitable reverence. Quakers, before eating, make a silent pause, for each person to ask his own blessing. When a clergyman is present, it is a kind of professional insult not to invite him to say grace. With many persons, habitually irreligious, some form of this kind is adhered to. It is good manners to pay a certain respect to all customs.

After grace, or when ready for eating, take your napkin from its ring, or your plate, or the goblet, in which it is folded, unfold and lay it in your lap. The waiter will bring a plate of soup first, of course. You will not refuse it. At a table d'hote, you can, of course, decline it, but at a private dinner party you must at least seem to honor it. If you eat it, do so delicately, with the spoon in your right hand, and a piece of bread in your left. Eat it as it is made, without any addition of condiments. A cook once committed suicide from mortification, because his master put some salt in his soup. He could not survive the mortification of such a professional indignity. Of course, he was a Frenchman.

Eat without the least noise. To suck soup into your mouth— to blow it— to tip up your plate— to send for a second plate, are things which might cause either of the ladies near you to faint or laugh, perhaps, behind their handkerchiefs.

Next comes fish. This you may dress with the proper condiments. There are catsups and sauces especially adapted to it. But don't presume to use your knife, nor to eat any vegetables with it. Take your fork in your right hand, and your bread in your left. Fish does not require cutting. Where fish is served at a small and informal dinner, or on Friday, as a principal dish, it is another affair. You may eat it with vegetables and use a knife; but when it only forms one of several courses, take a little, as of soup, and but once.

When you lay down your fork on the plate, the waiter removes it, and supplies you with a clean plate.

Unless you are with temperance people, or are yourself pledged to total abstinence, you will probably take wine. At the side of your plate you will find five glasses— a small one for madeira, sherry, etc..., a larger goblet for claret, a green glass for hock or sauterne, a deeper goblet for champagne, and another for water; or, the waiter who asks you what wine you will take, will give you a suitable glass. At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.”

If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you. At the first part of a dinner there is much eating and little talking. When the appetite is satisfied this is changed. — From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Advice on Keeping Napkins in Laps

Keeping napkins on laps, with women in voluminous, satin gown skirts, was made much more difficult than one can imagine, due to the fact that women had to also keep their gloves, fans, and reticules in their laps underneath the napkins. 

In 1860, “The Ladies’ Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness,” by Florence Hartley, Mrs. Hartley recommends one bring a pincushion to a dinner party for use with the napkin:

“Sit gracefully at the table; neither so close as to make your movements awkward, nor so far away as to drag your food over your dress before it reaches your mouth. It is well to carry in your pocket a small pincushion, and, having unfolded your napkin, to pin it at the belt. You may do this quietly, without its being perceived, and you will thus really save your dress.

If the napkin is merely laid open upon your lap, it will be very apt to slip down, if your dress is of silk or satin, and you risk the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with the front of your dress soiled or greased."– Florence Hartley, “The Ladies’ Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness,” 1860

 

🍽️ Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Dining Styles

“Godey’s Lady’s Book was the leading nineteenth-century magazine for American women and Virginia Campbell was a regular subscriber.” – Above, an antebellum, March 1859 edition of Godey’s illustrated the ideal table setting which was advised prior to the American Civil War, post-war restoration and the Gilded Age.

Until the early nineteenth century, dining in America was straightforward. Based on the English-style of two courses consisting of multiple items, the first course featured soup, fish, entrées, and joints; the second course included game, additional entrées, and some sweets. An optional third course of fruit and more sweets could follow in those households that had the means to provide them.

All the dishes were placed on the table at once and then cleared to accommodate the next course. This changed with the popularity of a la Francaise (French-style) dining and an emerging merchant class whose new wealth could afford both the new style and food to bring to the table.

French-style service broke the accepted two courses into four, placing fewer dishes on the table. Critics of the day rebuked the style as an indulgent display. In actuality the number of dishes primarily stayed the same. The main difference was order, spacing, and presentation, which gave the appearance of a larger, more elaborate meal.

The French-style course structure is generally divided into four courses: soups and fish in the first course; entrées, which were smaller meat dishes such as ragouts, followed in the second course; third course consisted of joints and entrées; while the fourth course comprised game, sweets, and a few more entrées. Finally, an optional dessert course could follow of fruit and more sweets. Course structure, according to Savarin, was an attempt to serve foods in relationship to each other that in turn would enhance the dining experience. In short, food and its service should have an order.

French service could be compared to a fanciful family style since the dishes placed on the table were designed for guests to serve themselves. If a dish required carving the guest closest to that item was expected to carve. One served themselves, filling their own plate. For dishes out of one’s reach either servants or fellow guests politely passed dishes. — From “The Gilded Table: Recipes and Table History from the Campbell House,” by Suzanne Corbett, 2015

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Table Manners

A historical reproduction, period 1855 place setting, created by site editor, Maura Graber and artist, Eda Bierman. The word antebellum literally means “before the war” (from the original Latin “ante” meaning “before” and “bellum” meaning “war.”) In modern vernacular, it is generally referring to the period before the 1860’s Civil War in the United States. —During the first course, each one helps himself at his pleasure to whatever he drinks; but in the second course, when the master of the house passes round choice wine, it would be uncivil to refuse it. We are not obliged, however, to accept a second glass.

Special Rules to be Observed at the Table

It is ridiculous to make a display of your napkin; to attach it with pins to your bosom, or to pass it through your button-hole; to use a fork in eating soup; to ask for meat instead of beef; for poultry instead of saying chicken or turkey; to turn up your cuffs in carving; to take bread, even when it is within your reach, instead of calling upon the servant; to cut with a knife your bread, which should be broken by the hand, and to pour your coffee into the saucer to cool.

During the first course, each one helps himself at his pleasure to whatever he drinks; but in the second course, when the master of the house passes round choice wine, it would be uncivil to refuse it. We are not obliged, however, to accept a second glass.

When at the end of the second course, the cloth is removed, the guests may assist in turning off that part of it which is before them, and contribute to the arrangement of the dessert plates which happen to be near, but without attempting to alter the disposition of them. From the time that the dessert appears on the table, the duties of the master of the house diminish, as do also his rights. — The Lady's Guide to Perfect Gentility of 1856

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia