“Antiquated Etiquette?” No Such Thing

Above: An 1889 Western Union Telegram

Many times when I talk about etiquette, people will tell me that too many rules are antiquated in the older books. This is an opportunity to explain to people how good manners never change, only the circumstances in which they are used change. The 1892 article below speaks of unasked for telegrams, which arrived to unwitting recipients with charges due. They cost the recipient money when the recipient never requested the telegram be sent in the first place. This breach of good manners is very reminiscent of junk mail sent and arriving with postage due, or worse yet, unsolicited faxes. In the late 1980’s, fax machines were a necessary expense for running a successful business. By the mid-1990’s, fax machines were extremely affordable and the misuse and poor manners began by just about every opportunist who had access to a fax machine. These unsolicited faxes cost the recipients in toner or ink, paper, electricity and the expense of possibly missing an important fax that you were actually expecting. “Junk” faxes became just as ubiquitous poor manners as “spam” and “junk” emails soon became.

Pay Your Telegrams

No business practice is more uncommercial than the sending of telegrams at the expense of receivers, when they are solely in the interest of the senders. Too many persons engaged in merchandising are so hopelessly ignorant of mercantile etiquette as not to know that the sending of telegrams as described is an inexcusable fault. The sending of unpaid telegrams has grown to be a nuisance of such a magnitude that radical measures are suggested for putting an end to it.

A. B. & Co. receive a telegram that reads as follows: "Send one bale cheese cloth, 2½c. per yard; date bill June 1, thirty extra 2 off ten days." Commission on that sale may reach $1.25; the cost of telegram was 63c., the interest for the extra time 25c., total 85c. – leaving the seller 37c. gross commission. Those who are so utterly regardless of commercial courtesy might be made to respect the rights of others if sellers would advise the telegraph offices to accept no unpaid telegrams for their accounts. This would quickly bring the hopelessly ignorant class to a realizing sense of the courteous obligations due from one merchant to another. – Dry Goods Economist, April 1892

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Email Etiquette from Madame Chic

We are bombarded with correspondence on a daily basis. With instant communication through text, phone, and email, people want a response and they want it now! For important calls and emails, the general rule is to try to respond within twenty-four hours.
– Image source, Pinterest

From “Polish Your Poise with MADAME CHIC”

Email Etiquette

When you first email someone, especially a business contact, you must follow formal email protocol. With friends or coworkers who frequently exchange emails with you, some of the formalities can be dropped, but it’s always a great idea to keep common courtesy at the heart of your communication. Here are some things to consider:

Reply all? Before hitting “reply all” consider if you need to include everyone in this communication.

Forwarding? If you are forwarding an email, be sure to write a personal note before the forward. Never send chain emails.

Tone. Never write in all caps unless you want to give the impression that you are SHOUTING.

Mr. and Mrs. So and So. Don't let the casual nature of email put your guard down; always address your contact with the appropriate level of formality.

It's Jennifer with two n's. Make sure you spell everyone’s name correctly.

Double-check. Don't forget to use spell-check if you've misspelled something.

Angry? Think before you hit send. Once an email is sent, it cannot be taken back.

Dot your i’s and cross your t’s. Use complete sentences rather than informal abbreviations or slang.

Sincerely, Employ polite common courtesies as you would in a letter. Start off with either “Dear” or “Hello.” Inquire about the other person with a pleasantry such as “How are you?” or wish them well with “I hope this email finds you well.” Don't forget to sign off gracefully just as you would at the end of a letter.

Returning calls and emails

We are bombarded with correspondence on a daily basis. With instant communication through text, phone, and email, people want a response and they want it now! For important calls and emails, the general rule is to try to respond within twenty-four hours. If you are busy and can't give a proper response to a call or an email within twenty-four hours, it is nice to respond by saying, “I have your message and will get back to you.” Give a time frame for your response. 

If you are out of town or unable to return messages, you can set your email to send an automatic message saying you are unavailable to answer emails until you return. Do your best to get back to people upon your return. Do not feel the pressure to get back to lower-priority messages instantly; otherwise you will become a slave to text, phone, and email. – From the book, “Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic,” by Jennifer L. Scott, 2015

When she arrived at Madame Chic’s Parisian apartment as a foreign exchange student, Jennifer Scott was a casual California girl who thought sweatpants were appropriate street attire. Madame Chic took Jennifer under her wing and tutored her in the secrets of how the French elevate the little things in life to the art of living. Years later, Jennifer was back in California with a husband, two young daughters, a dog, and her first home. Every day she confronted mundane duties like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and she began to think about Madame Chic’s home—how the breakfast table was set beautifully the night before, the music that always played in the background, the calm of Madame and Monsieur Chic’s ritual cocktail hour together. Jennifer wanted that life. She decided to see what would happen if she didn’t perform her chores impatiently or mindlessly, if, instead, she could live like Madame Chic… This is just one of the books from her marvelous series.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Email and Messaging Etiquette

Are you frustrated waiting for that response to your email? Are you whiling away the time by filling up on cocoa and cookies? — In 2015, Market Watch reported that the majority of people (52%) who send a work-related email, expect a reply within 12 and 24 hours, citing a survey of 1,500 people by MailTime.com, but 60% of people say they will wait two days to reply to their email.
—Photo source, Etiquipedia private library

Correspondence Course... 

Are Your E-Mails Sending the Wrong Message? 

So “You’ve Got Mail.” Do you have a headache too? If you find the pace of your correspondence a bit overwhelming, you are not alone. As the speed of business accelerates with the aid of new technology, so does the communication that goes with it. In the crush of e-mail, faxes and old-fashioned mail, many of us have taken to dashing off terse letters. Indeed, being curt even seems to be good etiquette, especially in electronic mail. But writing in shorthand can sometimes leave too much open to interpretation, so it’s important to carefully consider the few words you do use.

1. Write clearly and read clearly. If you do either in a rush, you are more likely to have a misunderstanding. Think about the reasons you are sending or receiving and keep them in mind as you deal with the correspondence.

2. Factor in cultural differences and personal styles. Business people in some countries demand pleasantries in communications; others prefer humility. Some people write long and some write short. Be aware.

3. Are you too nice in your writing? Make sure to keep things professional and get to the point quickly regardless of your audience.

4. Are you too mean in your writing? If you are, you probably don’t know it. But if you hear complaints that you don’t listen to feedback well or that your directives leave no room for discussion, then you may appear mean. If you intend to be authoritative, remember that negative approaches often engender negative responses.

5. Must you reply to everything? Again, know who you are corresponding with. Generally, FYIs or policy memos do not need a response. A “thank you for the information” is always a nice touch— especially if you have useful information to return.

6. Keep copies. At least for a short time.

7. Be aware that your correspondence may be shared. If more than one person may read your document or mail, you may want to reword it. — Los Angeles Times, 1998

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia