Etiquette for Bon-Bons at Dinner

According to cooking expert, Miss Louise Lane, “Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert.”

IMPORTANT AT DINNER TABLE

Small Bon Bon Dishes of Fresh Sweets Always Are Welcomed by Guests

Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert…

That candy has a definite place in the menu is borne out by Miss Louise Lane, cooking expert, who declares that it adds not only to the taste appeal of the balanced meal, but, if properly selected, to the appearance of the table as well.

1932 advertisement for “Martha Washington Candies”

Many women are puzzled as to the right moment to put the candy on the table. This is mere a matter of choice, authorities on table etiquette disagreeing on this point. Some say that candy has a place on the table right from the beginning of the meal and that a small bon-bon dish at either end of the table may be considered a correct part of the table setting. Others insist that the candy dishes make their entrance after the table has been cleared of the main course and the dessert is being served.

Miss Lane has chosen Martha Washington candies for her demonstration during the “Kitchen Chautauqua” this week. She says: “Few persons recognize the importance of the word FRESH in regard to candy. For 35 years the Martha Washington Candies Company, has pursued the policy of treating candy as a perishable article, demanding pure butter, fresh cream and eggs and other ingredients, and no preservatives. This company's slogan has been, “The Candy that's made to eat, not to keep.” Because of its freshness I have selected it for my “Happy Kitchen.” – Oakland Tribune, 1932

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Candy Etiquette

So if somebody opens a box of candy in your presence and passes it to you, you naturally take but one piece. If the possessor of the candy places it open on a table and says help yourself, you help yourself very charily.

THERE is really a very nicely balanced table of etiquette concerning candy. Of course, the keynote of it is not to be greedy and not to be selfish— that is, not to be greedy if the candy belongs to somebody else, and not to be selfish if it is yours.

That’s the whole case in a nutshell. So if somebody opens a box of candy in your presence and passes it to you, you naturally take but one piece. If the possessor of the candy places it open on a table and says help yourself, you help yourself very charily. One or two pieces more are all that you really would take without further invitation. For you to eat half the contents of the box, as some persons do, would be the height of rudeness.

And, on the other side of the question, if you have a box of candy you should generously open it and pass it to your guests. Candy is a passing joy, anyway, and if you keep the box unopened and eat it all yourself, you will quite likely suffer a headache for your selfish indiscretion.

If a young man brings a young woman a box of candy when he calls on her, it is customary for her to open it immediately, and pass it to him, and to anybody else who may be in the room. — By Mary Marshall Duffee, by McClure Newspaper Syndicate, –1922

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Victorian Era Dinner Etiquette

I hope no one took bon-bons from the table! – Upon returning to the drawing-room the gentlemen should never cluster round the door, but join the ladies at once, striving to repay the hospitality of the hostess by making themselves as agreeable as possible to the guests. And none but a low-bred clown will ever carry fruit or bon-bons away from the table! 

Etiquette for 1870’s - 1880’s Dining

If you make any general remark, do not look up at the waiters to see what effect it has upon them. If they are well-trained they will not move a muscle at hearing the most laughable story, nor will they give any sign whatever that they have not closed their ears like deaf adders to all that has been going on. In any case, however, you must refrain from noticing them.

If you want anything, take the occasion of a waiter being near to you, to ask for it in an undertone. To shout out "Waiter!" or order one about, as if you were in a restaurant, is a certain mark of ill-breeding.

Unless the party is a very small one, general conversation is impossible. In such a case, you must converse with those on either side of you, not confining your remarks exclusively to one.

Talk in a low, quiet tone, but never in a whisper. To affect an air of mystery or secrecy at a dinner-table, is an insult to your companion and company assembled.

It is in bad taste to force the attention of the company upon yourself by loud talking or loud laughing.

Too many jokes or anecdotes are in bad taste, but the subjects for conversation should not be too serious.

Any gentleman propounding a conundrum at the dinner-table deserves to be taken away by the police.

To use one's own knife, spoon or fingers, instead of the butter knife, sugar-tongs or salt-spoons, is to persuade the company that you have never seen the latter articles before, and are unacquainted with their use.

Never eat all that is on your plate, and above all never be guilty of the gaucherie of scraping your plate, or passing your bread over it as if to clean it.

Never fill your mouth so full that you cannot converse; at the same time avoid the appearance of merely playing with your food.

Eat in small mouthfuls, and rather slowly than rapidly.

Peel fruit with a silver knife in your right hand. Eat it in small slices cut from the whole fruit, but never bite it, or anything else at table. Need I say no fruit should ever be sucked at the table?

If upon opening fruit you find it is not perfect, or there is a worm in it, pass your plate quietly and without remark to the waiter, who will bring you a clean one.

None but a low-bred clown will ever carry fruit or bon-bons away from the table.

Drinking wine with people is an old custom, but it will nowadays be found to exist only among the past or passing generation.

When the hostess thinks her lady friends have taken as much
dessert as they wish, she catches the eye of the principal among them; an interchange of ocular telegraphing takes place, the hostess rises, and with her all the company rise; the gentlemen make a passage for the ladies to pass; the one who is nearest to the door opens it, and holds it open until all the ladies have passed out of the room.

As soon as the ladies have retired the gentlemen may resume their seats for more wine and conversation, but it is a very poor compliment to the lady guests to linger long in the dining-room.

The ladies upon leaving the dining-room, retire to the drawing-room, and occupy themselves until the gentlemen again join them.

It is well for the hostess to have a reserve force for this interval, of photographic albums, stereoscopes, annuals, new music, in fact, all the ammunition she can provide to make this often tedious interval pass pleasantly.

If you dine in the French fashion, the gentlemen rise with the ladies, each offering his arm to the lady he escorted to dinner, and all proceed to the drawing-room together.

If the gentlemen remain to have coffee served in the dining-room, tea may be served in the drawing-room to the ladies.

Upon returning to the drawing-room the gentlemen should never cluster round the door, but join the ladies at once, striving to repay the hospitality of the hostess by making themselves as agreeable as possible to the guests. 

From two to three hours after dinner is the proper time to leave the house.– From Sarah Annie Frost, 1877

Submitted by Sisters, Toni and June, at "Etiquette Facts"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor, for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia