Alcohol Etiquette at Wedding Receptions

 You can rack up the savings by placing bottles of wine on tables. A typical bottle of wine holds four to five glasses. At a table seated for eight, a bottle of red and a bottle of white ensures that everyone gets a glass or two with their meal. You control the expense and consumption by purchasing a set number of bottles, and your guests get a free glass of wine to raise in your honor.

I'm on a tight budget. I know that I have the option to set up a cash bar instead of an open bar, but I would feel guilty asking my guests to pay for their drinks. What should I do?

Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to allay your guilt. Have an open bar only for the first hour of the reception. This will get things off on the right foot and ease your guilty conscience.

Another option is to offer tray service; your guests won't have to pay for their drinks and you won't have to incur the massive expense of an open bar. Tray service can be accomplished by choosing a few drinks that you feel will be popular with the majority of your guests (include beer and wine for sure bets). The waitstaff will pass these selections around on a tray, offering them to your guests. The servers do not float around with drinks all night, but serve them on a schedule to keep down costs (and, of course, overconsumption). 

You might want to send the servers around before dinner, as dinner is being served, and at other appropriate times during the reception. It's wise to stop serving well before the end of the reception to give people a chance to sober up. Obviously, tray service will cost you more than a cash bar, but at least you can regulate how much liquor gets consumed without offending your guests.

Serving a free champagne punch is also something to consider. A punch like this is fairly light, alcohol-wise, and people just aren't likely to pound down glass after glass. Maybe it's an image thing.

Or, you can rack up the savings by placing bottles of wine on tables. A typical bottle of wine holds four to five glasses. At a table seated for eight, a bottle of red and a bottle of white ensures that everyone gets a glass or two with their meal. You control the expense and consumption by purchasing a set number of bottles, and your guests get a free glass of wine to raise in your honor.

Finally, you can opt to serve beer and wine only. If your reception site allows it, you may be able to save some of your parents' hard-earned money by purchasing a few kegs or several cases of high-quality beer, plus some cases of good wine. Guests would be able to drink either on the house; all other types of alcohol could be made available at a cash bar. — From “The Everything Wedding Book,” by Emily Ehrenstein and Laura Morin, 2000

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Whoopi Goldberg on Manners

I was given this book for the Etiquipedia library back in 2012 as a gift, but never opened it to really take a good look until this evening. We were pleasantly surprised and must say we have to agree with her take on manners!

Manners

You know, it's tough to see little courtesies, once so common in our lives, slide away like they have. Now, I call these courtesies little, but they aren't so little.

For instance, “please” and “thank you” are powerful words. You want something? Ask for it nicely. I don't care whether it's in the fanciest restaurant or at the counter of your favorite fast-food spot in the lunchtime rush, notice how adding a “please” at the end of your order can bring a smile? Or when a stranger takes a moment to stop and hold a door open for us, “Hey, thanks” matters. I know if I didn't say it, I wouldn't feel right. It's just an acknowledgment that you are paying attention.

It takes two seconds and it means the world.

So why aren't people bothering with manners anymore? I mean, we used to have them, right?

It starts young. For them, it's not so much that they're being rude. They don't know any better.

Kids learn by rote. Let's just say when children are around uncivil people—especially adults with no manners— well, do I need to tell you what hits the fan?

That's the sound we're hearing. And there's only two choices. Basic politeness and common courtesy, or rudeness and incivility.

Case in point: Let's take the health care debate. We saw people lose their minds! Really... People spitting on folks... Yelling ugly things-the N-word, the F-word... Sending death threats. You wonder... do these folks have kids? Do they care their kids might see them on TV or acting like asses? And are their kids going to grow up to reflect their parents' creepy behavior when they don't like what someone says?

When I was a kid, man, if you didn't say "please" or "thank you" or “excuse me" instead of "Huh?" some adult would come flying into that room and be all up in your face demanding to know if you had been brought up by savages!!!

And you had to be polite about stuff you hated. You were taught to at least be civil about that ugly, awful birthday present from some aunt you never heard of, but she was on the phone and you had to talk to her right then and say thank you, because your folks or the adults didn't want your bad manners to reflect on them.

Gadzooks. I mean, think about it. It was "”Yes, sir,” “No, ma'am,” and “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so.” You'd never call an adult by their first name because it was considered disrespectful.

So when we grew up, a lot of us decided, “The hell with that. My kids will be raised not having to do those things. We will be friends and they will call my adult friends by their first names and I will reason with them and not sweat the manners so much."

That was a mistake because we didn't realize, with manners, we must start young. — From “Is It Just Me? Or is it nuts out there?” by Whoopi Goldberg, 2010

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the Gilded Age Table

It may well be feared that an idle and degenerate race will follow this period of elegant display and high living. Fortunately this revel in costly food and table decoration is confined to the rich; so that the sweet, simple food and clean, dainty table-service of the ordinary family will not become a memory of the past.

“Luxury in Eating”

We are returning to the splendor of the ancients in our opulence of table decorations and in the luxury of our food, and it may well be feared that an idle and degenerate race will follow this period of elegant display and high living. Fortunately this revel in costly food and table decoration is confined to the rich; so that the sweet, simple food and clean, dainty table-service of the ordinary family will not become a memory of the past. 

We all know how fair a wedding feast may be furnished from a table set with white china, with viands prepared at home, and a few clusters, here and there, of wild eglantine and ivy, and table napery of spotless linen. But a society journal informs us that, for morning and afternoon wedding entertainment, the following table napery has been prepared:

Finest double damask linen edged with silver lace, monograms of bride and bridegroom in silver work in the corner. Bands or strips of white satin, edged with white plush and silver lace, destined to be laid under the flower decorations, which are only to be white and red roses. Tiny round serviettes edged with silver lace, worked with silver monogram. Specimen flower-holder for each guest, in the shape of a mother-of pearl tiny bouquet-holder set in a silver claw-stand for the table, and having a thick fall of silver and real pointe lace round the top where the flowers will rest. These, as well as the serviettes, will be carried away by each guest as a memento of the occasion.

The afternoon tea-cloths, finger, fruit cloths, etc… are white washing silk, thickly fringed and worked with silver roses. Another feature of elegant dinners is the little boxwood easel on which the dinner-card rests. These may be simple or very ornamental, as the hostess prefers.
 

The Shakespeare cards are very suitable, and quite appropriate, each one containing a selection. “The labor we delight in.” —Macbeth. “At first and last the hearty welcome.” — Macbeth. “Eat and make good cheer.” —Henry IV. “To say you are welcome were superfluous.” — Pericles. These are gilt-edged with ornamental painted designs, and may be used as a plate-card or attached to the bouquet for the guest as a welcome card. It will save both headaches and heartaches, and literally fulfill Shakespeare's exhortation,

“Now let digestion wait on appetite, And health on both,” 

if moderation is observed in eating and drinking the good things provided. 

There is one saving clause in the modern bill of fare—the numerous light dishes which are neither rich nor nourishing, and of which Hood says:

“But, then, my fare was all so light and delicate —

The fruit, the cakes, the meats, so dainty frail —

They would not bear a bite— no, not a munch—

But melted away like ice.”

— From “Gems of Deportment and Hints of Etiquette,” by Mrs. M. L. Rayne, 1882

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Spoon Holders

Spoon Holders, also known as “Spooners” in some areas of the U.S., were a popular part of the late 19th century tea table équipage. The etiquette for the combination spoon holders/sugar bowls was to lift the spoon by the handle, not the bowl, to avoid potentially dirtying another’s spoon. 

A Combination Spoon Holder and Sugar Bowl, with a dozen spoons hanging around the bowl. Reproduction silver-plate, combination spoon holder/sugar bowls were being offered by International Silver in the early to mid-1990’s, featuring a similar design to the antique bowl and holder pictured above, but with a bird instead of the butterfly finial.

Like the old-fashioned butter dish, spoon holders were frequently part of a tea set in Victorian silverplate. As a matter of fact, in some sets the spoon holder was furnished in place of the waste bowl. (Then inelegantly called a slop bowl.) But, in its day, the spoon holder was considered a standard piece of equipment on the well set dining table and most silverware makers offered many additional designs from which to choose.

Most of these were about the size and shape of a goblet, but not quite as tall, and usually had two handles. There were also double spoon holders, and some in unusual shapes. There were some which included a bell to call the maid between courses. Almost all of them were made entirely of metal.

Around 1890 there were also three piece sets called Dessert Sets, made up of sugar bowl, cream pitcher and spoon holder. Some of these had glass linings in a silver plated frame. A particularly handsome one was made by Simpson, Hall, Miller and Comp any of Wallingford, Connecticut in 1891. The frame was ornamented with medallions of Greecian type heads and the linings were rich ruby glass in all three pieces.

A variation of the spoon holder is one called a “Combination Spoon Holder and Sugar Bowl.” This was a large sugar bowl with racks around the perimeter to hold a dozen spoons. Spoon holders in silverplate had a comparatively long life. They date back as early as 1861, and a few were still being sold as late as 1934. (Site editor’s note: Reproduction silver-plate, combination spoon holder/sugar bowls were being offered by International Silver in the early to mid-1990’s, featuring a similar design to the antique bowl and holder pictured above, but with a bird instead of the butterfly finial.)

Those found in antique shops now can sometimes be distinguished from similarly shaped articles because the bottom of the inside is scarred and indented from the many spoons placed in them over the years. They make nice little conversation pieces today, and can be used as small vases, or containers for cigarettes.

 —From “The Elegance of Old Silverplate and Some Personalities,” by Edmund P. Hogan

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Informal Dinner Setting and Etiquette

Second course: Informal dinners are very elastic. They may have as few as two courses but are usually limited to five. The soup course may well be omitted, especially if an appetizer is served first. At informal dinners the soup need not be served in the traditional flat soup plate.

At a semiformal company dinner party the silver is preferably sterling, but at a wholly informal or family dinner it may be a good plate or any of the wood or plastic-handled tableware in common use, so long as it is in good condition and all matching. 

Whatever the “silver,” it is placed one inch or so from the edge of the table at place settings that are equidistant from one another on a table laid with care and precision.

The napkin is placed on the place plate, unless the first course is in place, and then it is to the left of the forks, but it should not obscure them, nor should the silver be obscured by the plate.

On an informal table the other appointments are geared to the size of the table, the amount of service available-which may be none at all-and to the number to be seated. At a small, round table, for example, a centerpiece may prove impractical if meat and vegetables are to be served at table.

Perhaps all the table can conveniently hold at the center, in addition to the food, are the candlesticks or a single candelabrum. Candles may be in any color but should be above eye level and, if they are on the table at all, lighted.

The silver is whatever is needed for the meal, though many prefer to introduce the dessert silver with the dessert. Otherwise dessert spoon and fork or spoon alone may be above the plate.

The knives are usually limited to two-one for an appetizer, if any, one for the meat, as the informal dinner rarely has more than four courses. If salad is to be served with cheese a salad knife is needed. The silver is placed traditionally, that needed first, farthest right and left of the plate. The forks are usually two, for meat and salad, occasionally one more the meat fork, unless the salad is served as a first course in which case it is for an appetizer, but never more than three at once.

The salad fork is inside the first fork in the setting. At informal tables iced tea or iced coffee may be served but not at the same time as wine. The iced tea spoon is placed to the right of the knives. Sometimes the iced tea or coffee is on its own small serving plate, sometimes placed directly on the (treated) table or on a small coaster.

For iced coffee, cream and sugar are passed. Iced tea at a meal is best served sweetened and lemon-flavored and poured from a pitcher at the table over ice.

Spoons for soup or fruit are on the table, to the right of the knives. If hot coffee or tea is to be served at the table, during the meal or with or after dessert, the spoons for it are on the saucers, to the right of each cup handle.

Butter plates and knives are used with the butter knife placed in a variety of ways across the top of the plate, blade toward the user, completely free of salt after each use or the threading will corrode and the diner will get much more salt than he bargains for!

The informal diner expects to smoke at table if he is a smoker at all. Individual ash trays are best, but one larger one for each two guests is acceptable, too. Cigarettes may be on the ash trays or in any gay little container, such as an antique handleless teacup or a small, squat pottery or porcelain vase. Silver cigarette boxes are also used on informal tables. They may be large enough to contain cigarettes for the whole table, or individual matching ones at each place. Either way, individual packets of matches are on the ash trays.

When carving of meat is done at the table the carving set with the sharp ener is placed to the right of the carver above the place setting, so that when the roast is brought in the implements will be to the right of the platter.

When the hostess is to serve there are hot-plate mats, if necessary, in front of her place and to her right are arranged serving forks and spoons needed, the fork nested in the spoon. Silver (or china or glass) ladles for sauces are in the sauce when it is served, and the bowl or boat is on a serv ing plate. When jellies or condiments are in place on the table, to be passed, the spoon or fork for them is next to them on the table and is placed in them by the first person taking up the dish.

Wines at an informal meal are usually very simple at most two, perhaps sherry with the soup and one dinner wine throughout the meal. Wine glasses are placed in order of use. The sherry glass is above the knives, the wine glass to its right in a variety of positions. Sometimes the sherry glass is removed with the soup, sometimes it stays until dessert. At an in formal table the dinner wine glass remains throughout. Sometimes, depending on the menu, beer replaces wine. It may follow sherry, but no sweet wine or liqueur should follow it. It is served in tall, cone-shaped beer glasses, in mugs, steins, or any tall glass.

Sometimes demitasses are served at the table by the hostess or even hot tea, after the meal, at the table. The spoons are on the saucers, to the right of each cup handle. — Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette - The Guide to Gracious Living, 1952

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Greeting Servants

Housekeepers are often dignified by being called “Mrs. Jackson” or “Miss Lang” by the staff and their employers, as is the cook, very often, in a house with a large staff. 

If you are a familiar of the house you are visiting you may say, “Good afternoon, Perkins,” to the butler or houseman who opens the door and greet by name other servants you recognize if you wish. Housemen and butlers are usually addressed by their surnames, chauffeurs preferably by their surnames but often by their proper names (never nicknames). 

Maids and cooks are “Ella,” “Katherine,” or “Katie,” whichever they prefer, although in some formal households the woman servants are called, English fashion, “Murphy,” “Keene,” etc…

Chinese men servants are called by their last names, which, Chinese fashion, are always given first. A man who tells you his name is Fu Wang expects to be called Fu, his last name. 

Housekeepers are often dignified by being called “Mrs. Jackson” or “Miss Lang” by the staff and their employers, as is the cook, very often, in a house with a large staff. 

To the staff the butler is always “Mr. Perkins,” for he is the household's executive officer. A chef is “Chef” or else is referred to by his surname alone. A French chef is usually "Monsieur Robert" (his first name). — Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette - The Guide to Gracious Living, 1952

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Card Receivers

An 1882 Meriden Britannia catalog page with the different card receiver designs available in the Gilded Age –  “Quite apart from such details as the correct size and typography was the difficult symbolism involved in bending the edges. Turning down the upper right-hand corner signified a personal visit; the upper left corner, congratulations; the lower right hand corner, adieu; the lower left corner, condolence; the entire left end, a call on the whole family. This practice, introduced from abroad shortly after the Civil War, commended itself to city dwellers who had little time or inclination for individual visits and yet did not wish to feel negligent of their duties... Despite its conveniences, the custom was becoming passé by the 1890s. The sign language proved too great a tax on the human intelligence.” (Reprinted with permission of The MacMillan Company from “Learning How to Behave” 

One of the most intriguing pieces of Victorian silverplate is called a “Card Receiver." It was an extremely popular piece in its day, made by all the silverware makers. Perhaps no other single item was made in such great variety in size and form and elaborateness of decoration.

In the 1860's a generally practiced social custom was "visiting" or “paying calls” on friends and acquaintances. And whether or not the “visitee” was at home, the visitor left her card in a small receptacle on the hall table, provided for the purpose.

So widespread was the custom that even in far away and sparsely settled Alaska, and as late as 1911, women observed this example of correct etiquette.

Margaret A. Murie in her book “Two in the Far North,” published by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc., describes life in Fairbanks, Alaska in 1911. (She was nine years old.):

“The respectable society of Fairbanks was very proper. Every house, no matter how small, had a ‘card tray’ on a little stand by the door, and the ladies all left cards, another fascinating little facet of life for a small girl. After the callers had left, I would study the cards ‘Mrs. Louis Kossuth Pratt’, ‘Mrs. John Knox Brown.’ To me these were somewhat awesome symbols of a world I could not know for some years.

“On Wednesday there were the meetings of the Ladies Aid or The Guild. On Thursday many ladies went out calling on the ladies who had ‘Thursdays’ engraved on the lower corners of their cards.”

At one time there was even a “language” of cards whereby the bending of the corners had special significance.

“Quite apart from such details as the correct size and typography was the difficult symbolism involved in bending the edges. Turning down the upper right-hand corner signified a personal visit; the upper left corner, congratulations; the lower right hand corner, adieu; the lower left corner, condolence; the entire left end, a call on the whole family. This practice, introduced from abroad shortly after the Civil War, commended itself to city dwellers who had little time or inclination for individual visits and yet did not wish to feel negligent of their duties... Despite its conveniences, the custom was becoming passé by the 1890s. The sign language proved too great a tax on the human intelligence.” (Reprinted with permission of The MacMillan Company from “Learning How to Behave,” by Arthur M. Schlesinger. Copyright 1946 by Arthur M. Schlesinger.)

Early card receivers were quite simple, consisting of a small tray about six inches in diameter mounted on a pedestal. And only a few styles were offered.

It was not until the 1870’s and 1880’s, when homes and home furnishings and styles in clothing reflected the Victorian trend, that card receivers came into their own. The styles then followed and perhaps even exceeded the elaborate and flamboyant taste which was the order of the day.

The old catalogs of the Meriden Britannia Co. of Meriden, Connecticut clearly demonstrate the growing popularity of card receivers, and the increasing variety of sizes, shapes and ornamentation. In 1861, four designs were offered; in 1867-71 there were fourteen; in 1879 the number had increased to thirty-one. The catalog of 1882 offered fifty-three different designs, and that of 1886, fifty-eight. This seems to have been the peak of the elaborate and unusual forms.

And what decorations there were! Card receivers were ornamented with owls, butter flies, children, cherubs, birds, fruits, cats, dogs, flowers and foliage in fantastic arrange ments. Many of them included colorful flower vases in what is known today as “art glass.”

In the early 1900’s, few styles were offered, and by then, most of them were just the card “trays” mentioned by Mrs. Murie in her book. In addition to the Meriden Britannia Co., other silverware makers in the Meriden, Connecticut area made them too. Such firms as Meriden Silver Plate Co., Middletown Plate Co., Wilcox Silver Plate Co., Wm. Rogers Mfg. Co, Derby Silver Co., and Simpson, Hall, Miller & Co., to name just a few, offered equally attractive assortments.

Despite the widespread custom of leaving cards, and the great variety of card receivers offered by so many makers over a period of forty years, this piece of Victorian silverplate seems to be scarce in antique shops today. One sees them occasionally, but they are not nearly as common as cake baskets, dinner casters, pickle casters, and butter dishes, which flourished in the same period.

—From “The Elegance of Old Silverplate and Some Personalities,” by Edmund P. Hogan

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Art of Using a Knife with a Fork

Designed for teaching American children proper flatware usage and placement, this circa 1930’s-1940’s, three piece set of “Kindergarten” flatware has “hidden messaging” in the design on the handles. Upon close inspection, the fork handle reads, “For the Left Hand,” while the handle of the knife reads, “For the Right Hand,” and the spoon handle reads, “For the Saucer.” The handles can only be read at the table if the utensils are in their proper positions for “pausing,” “resting” or even “finished” (when the knife and fork are placed together at 11:00 and 5:00.)

American versus Continental Dining

Close-up of the knife handle

When dining with knives and forks, one should be aware of the two different and distinct styles of eating with these utensils. In the United States, most Americans eat using the American “flip-flop” or “zig-zag” method. The U.S. is the only country in the world that uses this method predominantly. Most of the rest of the world uses the European or “Continental” style.

Because you are obviously at your best when you feel comfortable in all social situations, use whichever method you are most comfortable with, regardless of how others are eating around you. The self confidence you feel knowing that you are using the proper utensils and table manners, as well as other proper forms of etiquette, will free you from worry over how you look to others and will enable you to concentrate on what you need to say and how to communicate your thoughts. 

You will find yourself more relaxed in many different social situations with this new confidence and you will also find that you are enjoying your social life more fully, even when your social life is an extension of yours, or your spouse's, business or professional life. Think of this new found knowledge as a valuable tool and use it to its fullest to enhance the quality of every aspect of your life.

The American Flip-Flop or Zig-Zag

For our example we will be using steak. Imagine the steak on your plate. Pick up the steak knife to your right of the plate with your right hand and the fork to the left with your left hand. Carefully spear the steak with your fork tines facing downward into the steak. Use your knife to cut the piece of steak with a gentle sawing motion, using only slight pressure on the blade of the knife. In this manner, the blade does the work, not you. Then, when the piece of meat has been cut, the knife is placed across the top of the plate with the tip of the knife pointing toward twelve o'clock and the handle pointing at three o'clock. Switch the fork from your left hand to your right hand, gently spear the cut piece of meat, turn the fork so that the tines are facing upward and bring the food to your mouth. Return the fork either to the left side of the plate, or to the steak if you will be cutting another piece, with your left hand, and pick the knife up with your right hand again. This is the “flip-flop” or “zig-zag” action.

The European or “Continental” Style

Imagine the same steak on your plate. Pick up the steak knife with your right hand and your fork with your left, just as in the American example. Carefully spear the meat with the fork tines facing downward and cut the piece of steak with the knife with a gentle sawing motion. When the piece of meat is cut, place the knife at the top of the plate, resting in the same manner as the American style calls for and bring the piece of meat to your mouth with the fork still in the left hand and with the tines facing downward. This action is then repeated, if another piece of steak is desired, by keeping the fork in the left hand and retrieving the knife with the right hand from its resting spot at the top of the plate. The fork in the Continental or European style of dining is never switched back and forth from one hand to another.— From The RSVP Institute of Etiquette’s “Social Graces Handbook”, 1993

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Luxury and Etiquette of Utensils

During the middle ages, records show man using a knife for dining. The first table knife was designed with a flat, broad blade opposite the cutting edge. The flat part was recommended “for eating of peas and jelly.” It has been said that “he who dined out during the stirring days of the fifteenth century brought his own eating utensils with him.” One of the rules of etiquette the day was to “smack thy lips resoundingly if thou wouldst show due appreciation to thine host.” –Antique utensils and reproduction 18th century glassware work well when mixed with black and white transfer-ware on a rustic farm table. 

Eating Utensils for Dining – History is Revealing

It is hard to believe that the everyday convenience of knife, fork, and spoon were ever a luxury enjoyed only by the very rich and noble. In the fifteenth century man ate with his fingers most of the time, aided only by a homemade spoon. The first spoons, history tells us, were shells. Where shells were not available in the inland countries, spoons of a sort were cut from wood. Eventually, to make the shell a little easier to manage, handles of wood and bone were attached to the cup-shaped base. In excavations of ancient ruins relics of spoons of bone and ivory have been found. In this way, we are able to trace the history of the first designs and usage of eating utensils.

It is interesting to note that in the beginning people carried their own spoons. Knives made of flintstone were usually carried in a scabbard at the belt. But the knife was not generally brought to the table for the purpose of dismembering or slicing. It was used mainly for hunting. A metal knife was not developed until many years later. In areas where copper, silver, bronze, or gold were found, those who could afford it had spoons and knives fashioned of these precious metals. The kind of material a man’s knife was made of often was a clue to his station and wealth.

Spoons were sometimes designed so that they could fold and were more easily carried. In England, spoons of copper, pewter, or brass were used by people of limited means as early as the sixteenth century. During the reign of the Tudors and Stuarts, a fashionable gift at Christmas time was an Apostle spoon. To own a collection of the twelve Apostles was considered a luxury that few Englishmen could afford. A thirteenth “Master” spoon was one fashioned after the figure of Christ, a coveted possession.

There was not too much of a problem about packing the family flatware when early settlers came to America. A “personal spoon” is all a man or woman needed.

During the middle ages, records show man using a knife for dining. The first table knife was designed with a flat, broad blade opposite the cutting edge. The flat part was recommended “for eating of peas and jelly.” It has been said that “he who dined out during the stirring days of the fifteenth century brought his own eating utensils with him.” One of the rules of etiquette the day was to “smack thy lips resoundingly if thou wouldst show due appreciation to thine host.”

The fork was a later introduction after the knife and spoon. At first forks were used just for serving. But we can imagine that the earliest forks were those cut of sticks and used to hold meat over a fire for roasting. Forks were not a table implement until the sixteenth century.

Italy is accredited with being the first country where forks were used. However, it was only the nobility and upper classes who enjoyed this additional eating utensil. Historians do not credit the Italians with the invention of the fork. It was supposed to have been brought to Italy by visitors from the Byzantine Empire.

Even though the fork was very useful as an eating assistant, it was not accepted by the middle classes, because they regarded its use as something effeminate. It took about ten or twenty years after the introduction of the fork for its use to become generally accepted. In spite of slow means of transportation, the idea finally became widespread. Forks were not used in England until the seventeenth century. This was true possibly because the clergy would not approve the use of forks. They claimed it a sacrilege and that man should use his fingers “as God intended.” In spite of these protests, however, the fork was too useful to be given up once it became generally known.

Italy, the seat of culture and art, produced forks of great artistry and beauty. The first ones were designed with two, three, or four prongs, but the two pronged fork was the most popular. People were still carrying eating utensils in a scabbard at the waist when the fork was introduced. Sometimes both fork and spoon were designed with one handle, and often the spoon was designed so that it folded as a part of the fork.

When a man could not afford silver eating utensils he sometimes had them fashioned of pewter, copper, or bronze. Shell, bone, and wood had to be good enough for the very poor.

— From Patricia Kroh’s 1966 book, “Contemporary Table Settings” 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Flatware Placement

Basic Table Setting of the flatware.

A. Beginning of Meal

B. Main Course

c. Dessert and Beverage

There are a few easy-to-learn guides to correct position of the flatware as you place it on the table.

1. Place the utensils in a position so that they may be picked up to use from the outside, working toward the plate.

2. Only place the pieces on the table that are going to be used for that meal.

3. Place knives to the right of the plate with cutting edge toward the plate.

4. Place soupspoons to the right of knife and oyster fork to the right of soupspoon (if one is used).

5. If salad is to be eaten after the main course, place salad fork on left nearest the plate, then dinner fork outside of it.

6. If butter plates are used, the butter knife is laid across the top of the plate.

7. Place all the flatware an inch from the edge of the table. If a placemat is used, place the flatware an inch from the edge of the placemat.

8. Place the utensils evenly and straight.

9. The coffee spoon and dessert fork may be brought in with the coffee and dessert, or may be placed in front of the dinner plate.

To seat your guests comfortably you should allow about twenty-four inches for each place setting.

— From Patricia Kroh’s 1966 book, “Contemporary Table Settings” 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Newport History

By the 1860s, it was not fashionable to stay at a Newport hotel for the season: one must own or rent a cottage. Most of the bigger hotels closed while more cottages were being built. Due to the Civil War, the Southern contingent at Newport was depleted and cottagers hailing from New York and Boston dominated summer society. —From the Newport Preservation Society’s “Newport Mansions,” with intro by David Chase, 1995

The most imposing “cottage” erected in the ‘50s, Chateau-sur-Mer, is an Italianate stone villa constructed by a New Yorker, China-trade merchant William S. Wetmore. It was the setting for the first of Newport’s spectacular parties - a fete champêtre Wetmore hosted in 1857 to which he invited 3000 guests.

By the 1860s, it was not fashionable to stay at a Newport hotel for the season: one must own or rent a cottage. Most of the bigger hotels closed while more cottages were being built. Due to the Civil War, the Southern contingent at Newport was depleted and cottagers hailing from New York and Boston dominated summer society.

In stating this, however, one must not lose sight of the fact that Newport attracted not only America's financial elite, but many of its most gifted artists and writers, diplomats, politicians and jurists, historians, educators, scientists and engineers, architects and collectors. The literary set, led by Julia Ward Howe. gathered at Newport in the summer. Even that colorful writer of Wild-West tales, Bret Harte, spent time in genteel Newport.

For those disinclined to partake of witty theatricals and bookish conversation, the Newport season was very much a season of sport. Both men and women enjoyed riding, coaching, tennis and croquet. Archery was a women’s sport. Fishing, sailing, polo and golf were men’s sports. Swimming was enjoyed by both sexes, but generally not together.

Newport cottages of the 1860s, ‘70s and early ‘80s were large, comforable and oriented to the out-of doors. In 1879, willful, ill-tempered James Gordon Bennett, Jr.- a yachtsman and rake and the owner of the New York Herald — built the Newport Casino op posite his Bellevue Avenue cottage as a place where people might visit, dine, hear band concerts and play tennis. The Casino was an instant success and remained a center of cottagers’ daytime activities for decades. The work of New York architects McKim, Mead & White, it established a vogue for informal, shingle-clad resort architecture inspired by the con temporary British Queen Anne style and American Colonial buildings. Within five years, however, an entirely different taste took over. Grand new cottages were built, hieratic and palatial in scale, and it was to be the very same McKim, Mead & White, and even more so Richard Morris Hunt, who would set the pace in designing princely residences. Their celebrated “cottages” of the late 1880s, ‘90s and early 1900s make Newport the place in America to experience the Gilded Age.

The rush to opulence began with a series of very large, late Gothic stone houses at Newport. They were quickly overshadowed by a residence designed by Richard Morris Hunt and built by William K. Vanderbilt, as an anniversary present for his wife: Marble House, true to its name, is a Neo-Classical pavilion clad in shimmering white marble and decorated with a profusion of richly tinted marble veneers, mantels and ornaments, set off by gold fit tings and trim. It is like an enormous, beautifully crafted jewel box, miraculously set down on a cliff by the sea. After the Civil War, a great many American fortunes, like the Vanderbilts’, had grown to Medicean proportions, and the proud possessors of these for tunes, familiar with both European society and Euro pean standards of domestic magnificence, set out to build on the Medicean model.

Marble House was soon eclipsed by The Breakers, summer home of W.K. Vanderbilt’s older brother, Cornelius II. The Breakers, again the work of Hunt, has never been surpassed. From an architectural stand point, nonetheless, several large later cottages, though less sumptuous, are equally interesting. The best of these are McKim, Mead & White’s Rosecliff and Horace Trumbauer’s The Elms. Summing up Newport at the turn of the century, a British visitor wrote to the Evening Mercury of Liverpool, “No words can convey an idea of the marvelous spectacle of well and graciously and artistically applied wealth which has harnessed to its aspirations the greatest architectural art of the country... The result is such a combination of natural and contrived beauty, open for the enjoyment of all, and cannot be seen on such terms anywhere else in the world.”

The particulars of Newport cottage life changed little between the 1890s and the 1920s. These were the halcyon years of the leisured class. But the tempo and formality changed substantially.

Although, in a sense, the Newport scene of popular imagination died with the Great Depression, it lives on and is perpetuated in the incomparable legacy of landscape and architecture which survives from the Gilded Age, from the earlier nineteenth century, and from the days of Newport's Colonial prosperity. To see Newport today —to visit the Point, Bellevue Avenue, Ocean Drive and Cliff Walk, to enter Hunter House or The Breakers or one of the other museum houses - is to come face-to-face with a unique and living heritage. — From the Newport Preservation Society’s “Newport Mansions,” with intro by David Chase, 1995

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The 2nd Annual Etiquipedia International Place Setting Competition

 There are still a few weeks left for you to enter!! 

The 2nd Annual Etiquipedia International Place Setting Competition

Special Announcement: 

The opening and closing dates for the

Second Annual Etiquipedia 

International Place Setting Competition 

will be decided soon.

We hope that everyone globally will be able to participate. We are currently still discussing what categories we will be offering awards in this year.

Please continue reading to see what the categories were in 2021, who our winners were, and what each winner received.

Elizabeth Soos and Maura J. Graber

The Winners of Etiquipedia’s First Annual International Place Setting Competition Won: 

1. A USD $100.00 eBay gift card.

2. A signed copy of Maura J. Graber’s upcoming book, “What Have We Here?”

3. Collectible etiquette books from the library of Elizabeth Soos of Auersmont Etiquette, personally chosen for each winner.

4. A blog post featuring the winner and their setting on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia (see the link below.)

5. Some surprise gifts from the historic, Graber Olive House, in Ontario California.

Congratulations to all of our winners in the Etiquette Community and Amateur Community categories for their submissions.

Here is a list of the 2021 Place Setting Competition Winners with links to their settings and stories:

Petra Carsetti – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-petra-carsetti.html

Tatyana Gresserova – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-tatyana-gresserova.html

Elena Gorelik – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-elena-gorelik.html

Victoria B. Edwards – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/08/an-interview-with-victoria-b-edwards.html

Nancy Hoogenboom – https://etiquipedia.blogspot.com/2021/09/an-interview-with-nancy-hoogenboom.html

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

On Meals and Dining of 1905

At noon the family sits down to a simple breakfast—fruit, broiled chicken, creamed potatoes, hot bread and coffee, for example. The maid has few dishes to wash, is not too tired to enjoy her afternoon off, and gets away two or three hours earlier than her less fortunate sisters. Also she remains where she is hired—which has its advantages. Only a light lunch is needed in the evening which the mistress may serve, leaving the dishes to be washed in the morning.

There is an old saying to the effect that “all may eat, but ladies and gentlemen dine.” The difference lies more in the preparation and manner of serving than in the food itself, and whether her evening meal is a banquet or a repast of the lunch-counter sort rests wholly with the housewife.

We pause long enough to pay our disrespects to that barbarous institution known in America as the Sunday Dinner. On six days in the week, the average business man eats a light luncheon or none at all. On the seventh day, at an unaccustomed hour, he eats a heavy meal, goes to sleep shortly afterward, and wonders why Monday is a “blue day.”

Our uncivilized Sundays are responsible for our Monday morning headaches and for the gloom which, in many a household, does not wear off until Tuesday morning. If Sunday were a day of fasting instead of a day of feasting, Monday might be radiant occasionally instead of riotous or revolutionary.

We make Sunday a hard day for the women of the household, especially the servants, and the imperial liver appertaining to the Head of the Establishment balks sometimes at the strain. The American Sunday Dinner is one cause of the American Servant Problem—and everybody knows what that is.

In more than one household, a twelve or one o’clock breakfast has proved both hygienic and satisfactory. Coffee and rolls are served to those who want them at eight or nine o’clock, if they come into the dining-room. At noon the family sits down to a simple breakfast—fruit, broiled chicken, creamed potatoes, hot bread and coffee, for example. The maid has few dishes to wash, is not too tired to enjoy her afternoon off, and gets away two or three hours earlier than her less fortunate sisters. Also she remains where she is hired—which has its advantages. Only a light lunch is needed in the evening which the mistress may serve, leaving the dishes to be washed in the morning.

Owing to the aforesaid American Servant Problem an increasing number of women do their own housework—not from choice, but from stern necessity. This book is intended for the woman in a small house or apartment, who is her own cook, who earnestly desires to do her duty by her family, yet be something more than a wearied and soul-sickened drudge; who has to look after her dimes and nickels, if not her pennies, and who wants more than the weekly “afternoon off” accorded to the stronger women who undertake domestic tasks.

Simplicity—and, as a general rule, economy—has been the standard by which each recipe has been judged. All are within the capabilities of the most inexperienced cook, who is willing to follow directions, and, in the case of such variable materials as flour and eggs, trust, now and then, to her own judgment. — From, “The Myrtle Reed Cook Book,” 1905

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Setting a Breakfast Table, 1905

Blue and white is a good combination, and is, perhaps, more suitable for the morning meal than anything else. As a certain philosopher says: “The blue and white look so pretty with the eggs!”

Having said so much, we proceed, not to our mutton, as the French have it, but to our breakfast, in which the table plays no small nor unimportant part.

There are rumors that the pretty and sensible fashion of doilies on the bare table is on the wane, but let us hope these are untrue, or, if not, that some of us may have the courage of our convictions and continue to adhere to a custom which has everything in its favor and nothing against it.

In the absence of handsome top of oak or mahogany, the breakfast cloths, fringed or not, as one likes, which are about a yard and a quarter square, are the next best thing. Asbestos mats, under the cloth, protect the table from the hot dishes. Failing these, fairly satisfactory substitutes are made from thin white oil-cloth, between two layers of canton flannel, “fur side outside,” and quilted on the machine. Grass table-mats are also used, but always under cloth or doily. Canton flannel, quilted, three layers to a mat, is easily washed, and furnishes a great deal of protection.

Breakfast, most assuredly, is not dinner, and there should be a distinct difference in the laying of the table. The small doilies are easily washed, and fresh ones are possible every morning—an assured gain in the way of daintiness.

Let us suppose that we have a handsome table-top, and an unlimited supply of doilies, tray-cloths and centrepieces. First the centrepiece goes on, exactly in the centre, by the way, and not with a prejudiced leaning to one side or the other. On this belongs the pot of growing fern, the low jar containing a few simple flowers, or a bowl of fruit, decorated with green leaves, if green leaves are to be had.

At each place the breakfast doily, nine or twelve inches square, a small doily for the coffee cup, and another for the glass of water. At the right of the plate, the small silver knife, sharp edge toward the plate, the spoons for fruit and cereal; at the left, one fork, or two, as needed, and the coffee spoon.

In front of the master of the house the small platter containing the pièce de résistance will eventually be placed; in front of the mistress of the mansion, the silver tray bearing the coffee service—coffee-pot, hot-water pitcher, cream jug, milk pitcher, and sugar bowl.

Breakfast napkins are smaller than dinner napkins, and the small fringed napkins are not out of place. “Costly thy habit as thy purse [11]will buy” might well refer to linen, for it is the one thing in which price is a direct guarantee of quality.

Satisfactory breakfast cloths and napkins are made of linen sheeting, fringed, hemstitched, or carefully hemmed by hand, and in this way a pretty cloth can be had for less money than in any other. The linen wears well, washes beautifully, and acquires a finer sheen with every tubbing. Insertions and borders of torchon or other heavy lace make a breakfast cloth suitable for the most elaborate occasion, and separate doilies may easily be made to match. The heavy white embroidery which has recently come into favor is unusually attractive here.

Finger-bowls wait on the sideboard, to be placed after the fruit course, or after breakfast. The rose-water, slice of lemon, geranium leaves, and other finger-bowl refinements in favor for dinners are out of place at breakfast. Clear, cool water is in better taste.

The china used at the breakfast table should be different from that used at dinner. Heavier ware is permissible, and more latitude in the way of decoration is given. Much of the breakfast china one sees in the shops is distinctly cheerful in tone, and one must take care to select the more quiet patterns. It is not pleasant to go to breakfast with a fickle appetite, and be greeted by a trumpet-toned “Good Morning” from the china.

Endless difference is allowed, however, and all the quaint, pretty jugs, pitchers, and plates may properly be used at breakfast. One is wise, however, to have a particular color scheme in mind and to buy all china to blend with it. Blue and white is a good combination, and is, perhaps, more suitable for the morning meal than anything else. As a certain philosopher says: “The blue and white look so pretty with the eggs!”

The carafe, muffin plate, platter, and all other bowls, platters, plates, and pitchers not on the individual cover have each a separate doily, with the protecting mat always under hot dishes. A well-set table is governed by a simple law—that of precision. Dishes arranged in an order little less than military, all angles either right or acute, will, for some occult reason, always look well. Informality may be given by the arrangement of the flowers, or by a flower or two laid carelessly on the table. But one must be careful not to trifle too much with this law of precision. Knives, forks, and spoons must all be laid straight, but not near enough together to touch, and napkins and dishes must be precisely placed, else confusion and riot will result.

The breakfast selected as a type consists of fruit, a cereal, salt fish, or salt meat, or eggs, or omelets, hot bread of some kind, and pancakes or waffles, or coffee cake, one dish from each group, and coffee. Six dishes in all, which may be less if desired, but never more. All six form a breakfast sufficiently hearty for a stone mason or a piano mover; one or two give a breakfast light enough to tempt those who eat no breakfast at all. For serving it are required small and medium-sized plates, knives, forks, spoons, egg cups, platters, service plates, cups and saucers, glasses, coffee-pot, pitchers, sugar bowl, and cream jug, syrup pitcher, and fruit bowl.

Fruit is said to be “gold in the morning,” and it is a poor breakfast, indeed, from which it is omitted. Even in winter it is not hard to secure variety, if time and thought be taken, for the dried fruits are always in the market and by careful cooking may be made acceptable to the most uncertain appetite.

Medical authorities recommend a glass of water taken the first thing upon rising, either hot or cold as suits one best. A little lemon-juice takes the “flat” taste from plain hot water, and clear, cool water, not iced, needs nothing at all. This simple observance of a very obvious hygienic rule will temper the tempestuous morning for any one. One washes his face, his hands, his body—then why not his stomach, which has worked hard a large part of the night, and is earnestly desirous of the soothing refreshment of a bath?

To those carping critics who cavil at the appearance of the stomach in a chapter entitled “How to Set the Table,” we need only say that the table is set for the stomach, and the stomach should be set for the table, and anyway, it comes very near being a table of contents, n’est-ce pas? — From, “The Myrtle Reed Cook Book,” 1905

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Babee’s Book

Medieval Manners for the Young  

* Done into Modern English 

from Dr. Furnivall’s Texts by Edith Rickert, 

New York, from a Privately Printed Copy, Christmas 1913 

The Babee’s Book 

Or

A Little Report of How Young People Should Behave

MAY He who formed mankind in His image, support me while I turn this treatise out of Latin into my common language, that through this little comment all of tender years may receive instruction in courtesy and virtue.

Facet saith that the Book of Courtesy to teach the practice of virtue is the most helpful thing in the world, so I will not shrink from this labour or refuse it; but for mine own learning will say something that touches upon the matter.

But oh, young babies, whom blood royal hath endowed with grace, comeliness, and high ability, it is on you I call to know this book, for it were great pity but that ye added to sovereign beauty virtue and good manners. Therefore I speak to you specially, and not to old men expert in governance, decorum, and honest manners, for what need is to give pangs to Hell, joy to Heaven, water to the sea, or heat to fire already hot?

And so, young babies, my book is only for your instruction; wherefore I pray that no man reprehend it, but amend it where it is at fault, and judge it not, for your own sake. I seek no other reward but that it may please men and give you some ease in learning. Also, sweet children, if there be in it any word that ye ken not, speer while ye may, and when ye know it, bear it in mind; and so by asking you may learn of wise men. Also, think not too strangely that my pen writes in this metre; for such verse is commonly used, therefore take heed.

And first of all, I think to show how you babies who dwell in households, should ’have yourselves when ye be set at meat, and how when men bid you be merry, you should be ready with lovely, sweet and benign words. In this, aid me, O Mary, Mother Revered; and eke, O lady mine, Facetia, guide thou my pen and show unto me help. For as A is the first of all letters, so art thou mother of all virtue. Have pity, sweet lady, of my lack of wit, and though untaught I speak of demeanour, support my ignorance with thy goodly aid.

Ah, “bele babees,” hearken now to my lore.

When you enter your lord’s place, say “God speed,” and with humble cheer greet all who are there present. Do not rush in rudely, but enter with head up and at an easy pace, and kneel on one knee only to your lord or sovereign, whichever he be.

If any speak to you at your coming, look straight at them with a steady eye, and give good ear to their words while they be speaking; and see to it with all your might that ye jangle not, nor let your eyes wander about the house, but pay heed to what is said, with blithe visage and diligent spirit. 

When ye answer, ye shall be ready with what ye shall say, and speak “things fructuous,” and give your reasons smoothly, in words that are gentle but compendious, for many words are right tedious to the wise man who listens; therefore eschew them with diligence.

Take no seat, but be ready to stand until you are bidden to sit down. Keep your hands and feet at rest; do not claw your flesh or lean against a post, in the presence of your lord, or handle anything belonging to the house.

Make obeisance to your lord always when you answer; otherwise, stand as still as a stone, unless he speak.

Look with one accord that if ye see any person better than yourself come in, ye go backwards anon and give him place, and in nowise turn your face from him, as far forth as you may.

If you see your lord drinking, keep silence, without loud laughter, chattering, whispering, joking or other insolence.

If he command you to sit in his presence, fulfil his wish at once, and strive not with another about your seat.

When you are set down, tell no dishonest tale; eschew also, with all your might, to be scornful; and let your cheer be humble, blithe, and merry, not chiding as if ye were ready for a fight.

If you perceive that your better is pleased to commend you, rise up anon and thank him heartily.

If you see your lord and lady speaking of household matters, leave them alone, for that is courtesy, and interfere not with their doing; but be ready, without feigning, to do your lord service, and so shall you get a good name.

Also, to fetch him drink, to hold the light when it is time, and to do whatsoever ought to be done, look ye be ready; for so shall ye full soon get a gentle name in nurture. And if you should ask a boon of God, you can desire no better thing than to be well-mannered.

If your lord is pleased to offer you his own cup to drink, rise when you take it, and receive it goodly with both your hands, and when you have done, proffer it to no man else, but render it again to him that brought it, for in nowise should it be used commonly—so wise men teach us.

Now must I tell you shortly what you shall do at noon when your lord goes to his meat. Be ready to fetch him clear water, and some of you hold the towel for him until he has done, and leave not until he be set down, and ye have heard grace said. Stand before him until he bids you sit, and be always ready to serve him with clean hands.

When ye be set, keep your own knife clean and sharp, that so ye may carve honestly your own meat.

Let courtesy and silence dwell with you, and tell no foul tales to another.

Cut your bread with your knife and break it not. Lay a clean trencher before you, and when your pottage is brought, take your spoon and eat quietly; and do not leave your spoon in the dish, I pray you.

Look ye be not caught leaning on the table, and keep clear of soiling the cloth.

Do not hang your head over your dish, or in any wise drink with full mouth.

Keep from picking your nose, your teeth, your nails at meal-time—so we are taught.

Advise you against taking so muckle meat into your mouth but that ye may right well answer when men speak to you.

When ye shall drink, wipe your mouth clean with a cloth, and your hands also, so that you shall not in any way soil the cup, for then shall none of your companions be loth to drink with you.

Likewise, do not touch the salt in the salt-cellar with any meat; but lay salt honestly on your trencher, for that is courtesy.

Do not carry your knife to your mouth with food, or hold the meat with your hands in any wise; and also if divers good meats are brought to you, look that with all courtesy ye assay of each; and if your dish be taken away with its meat and another brought courtesy demands that ye shall let it go and not ask for it back again.

And if strangers be set at table with you, and savoury meat be brought or sent to you, make them good cheer with part of it, for certainly it is not polite when others be present at meat with you, to keep all that is brought you, and like churls vouchsafe nothing to others.

Do not cut your meat like field-men who have such an appetite that they reck not in what wise, where or when or how ungoodly they hack at their meat; but, sweet children, have always your delight in courtesy and in gentleness, and eschew boisterousness with all your might.

When cheese is brought, have a clean trencher, on which with a clean knife ye may cut it; and in your feeding look ye appear goodly, and keep your tongue from jangling, for so indeed shall ye deserve a name for gentleness and good governance, and always advance yourself in virtue.

When the end of the meal is come, clean your knives, and look you put them up where they ought to be, and keep your seat until you have washed, for so wills honesty.

When ye have done, look then that ye rise up without laughter or joking or boisterous word, and go to your lord’s table, and there stand, and pass not from him until grace be said and brought to an end.

Then some of you should go for water, some hold the cloth, some pour upon his hands.

Other things I might commend you to do, but as my time is brief, I put them not into this little report; but overpass them, praying with a spirit that rejoices in this labour, that no man abuse me; but where too little is, let him add more, and where too much, let him take away, for though I would, time forbids that I say more. Therefore I take my leave, and inscribe this book to every wight whom it may please to correct it.

And, sweet children, for love of whom I write, I beseech you, with very loving heart, that you set your delight upon knowing this book; and may Almighty God that suffered bitter pains, make you so expert in courtesy that through your nurture and your governance you may advance yourselves to lasting bliss. — 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia