1859 Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Pt 2

Scarlett and Rhett on their honeymoon in “Gone with the Wind”…“Some persons use their bread at dinner to dry up their plates; this is intolerable beyond the family circle, and even there is rather childish.” And may we add that stuffing one’s face until one appears like a hamster, is also childish? – Image source, Pinterest

Once at table, you should not lose sight of the plate or glass of your fair neighbor, showing yourself attentive, without affectation or over-officiousness.

Meat should be cut only according as it is carried to the mouth. To cut up a plateful is the very height of greediness and ill-breeding.

Bread is broken as it is wanted; after soup, which is served out by the host, the spoon remains on the plate, as it will not be used again.

Where wine is used, three glasses are usually laid down to each guest at dinner: one for ordinary wines; another of smaller size for claret; the third to receive the sparkling foam of the champagne. 

In drinking you should say to your neighbor, "Sir, may I offer you?" and not employ the ungenteel phrase, "Will you take?" as if you were at the bar of some ordinary drinking-saloon.

If the dish that you desire be too far from your neighbor, do not ask another guest; the servant will attend your orders.

The noise of the knife and plate should be heard as little as possible; rapidity in eating is also ill-bred.

A knowledge of carving is indispensable to all men who would act the host with grace and propriety.

Do not assist yourself to any dish where servants stand ready to supply you.

Some persons use their bread at dinner to dry up their plates; this is intolerable beyond the family circle, and even there is rather childish.

Parents should be careful to save their children from awkwardness in company, either in treading on a lady's dress, or using the knife in eating; or worse still, their fingers.

Never take any thing out of your pocket to lay on the table.

The napkin should rest on the knees, only half unfolded. — Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen, 1859

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Knifing of Food to Saucering of Drinks

 

In the region within a radius of 50 miles around Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, the knife was commonly, but not always, used by men over 50, but rarely by those under 50, or by women, among “genteel people,” up to about 1875... — Some men owned handcrafted knives (designed like this one pictured above) to more easily eat their food from knives, as opposed to learning how to use forks. 

'Knifing' of Food Went Out With 'Saucering' of Coffee

To the Editor of the New York Times:

Perhaps Charles U. Powell can use data from various parts of the country in clearing up the period when the fork replaced the knife as an instrument for carrying food to the mouth.

In the region within a radius of 50 miles around Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, the knife was commonly, but not always, used by men over 50, but rarely by those under 50, or by women, among “genteel people,” up to about 1875.

The change may have been due to a regard for the niceties of social usage. About the same. Those older men stopped pouring coffee into the saucer, and also removed the spoon from the cup when they drank.

That conditions varied in other parts of the country, and later seems indicated by the usage on steamers in the Great Lakes early in the century. At a certain stage, the steward put his head between the double doors in the kitchen and advised: “Keep your knives, gents; there's pie.”

It is interesting that in an early guide to etiquette, prepared by Christopher Dock, “the pious schoolmaster of the Skippack,” for his pupils, about the time of the Revolution, they were urged to not to convey food to their mouths with their knives or fingers, but only with forks or spoons. — George Dock, Pasadena California, October 1940

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tales of Table Manners of Old

“I saw a fellow eating with his knife. A few years ago any man might have eaten with his knife and no one would have cared. But manners are better than they used to be... He was an elderly man and evidently had learned his manners in the old days.”

“In a restaurant of the lower middle class” said an epicure, “I saw a fellow eating with his knife. A few years ago any man might have eaten with his knife and no one would have cared. But manners are better than they used to be, and this man's proceedings attracted attention all over the room. He was an elderly man and evidently had learned his manners in the old days.

“By the way, are children still taught to leave the last piece of bread or cake for ‘Manners?’ In Charles Leland's child's book, ‘Johnnykin and the Goblins,’ Mr. Manners appears—a thin, cadaverous gentleman in evening clothes, who is supported by what the children leave for him in the dish. 

“Do you still cut off the tip of the boiled tongue before you begin to serve the tongue?” I don't know why that used to be done. Perhaps as a sacrifice to the gods? I think that most of the tongues nowadays come in cans, so that perhaps the tips cannot he cut off as of old. – San Diego Union and Daily Bee, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia