“Attending to One’s Business” in Attire

In Mr. J. W. Forney’s “Anecdotes of Public Men” there is given a story as it was told by James Buchanan at his own table. Although it contained a reproof from the President to one who was to succeed him, it is said to have been a favorite story at that board. –Public domain image of John W. Forney , Congressional Clerk and Journalist, B.1817- D.1881

Blunt Andrew Jackson 

“Old Hickory’s” Caustic Advice to James Buchanan

Stories of Andrew Jackson are likely to be pointed and to have a practical application, as do the stories told of Franklin. In Mr. J. W. Forney’s “Anecdotes of Public Men” there is given a story as it was told by James Buchanan at his own table. Although it contained a reproof from the President to one who was to succeed him, it is said to have been a favorite story at that board.

Shortly after Mr. Buchanan's return from Russia in 1834, to the court of which country he had been sent by Jackson in 1832, and immediately following his election to the senate he called upon “Old Hickory” with a fair English lady whom he desired to present to the head of the American nation. Leaving her in the reception room downstairs, he ascended to the President's private quarters, where he found General Jackson unshaved, unkempt, in his dressing gown, with his slippered feet on the fender, before a blazing wood fire, smoking a corncob pipe of the old southern pattern.

He stated his object, and General Jackson said that he would be very glad to meet the lady whom Mr. Buchanan desired to present. Mr. Buchanan was always careful of his personal appearance and in some respects was a sort of masculine Miss Fribbe, addicted to spotless cravats and huge collars, rather proud of a foot small for a man of his large stature and to the last of his life what the ladies would call “a very good figure.” 

Having just returned from a visit to the fashionable circles of the continent after years of thorough intercourse with the etiquette of one of the stateliest courts in Europe, he was somewhat shocked at the idea of the President meeting the eminent English lady in such a guise and ventured to ask if General Jackson did not intend to change his attire. Thereupon the old warrior rose, with his long pipe in his hand, and, deliberately knocking the ashes out of the bowl, said to his friend: “Buchanan. I want to give you a little piece of advice, which I hope you will remember. I knew a man once who made a fortune by attending to his own business. Tell the lady I will see her presently.”

The man who became President in 1857 was fond of saying that this remark of Andrew Jackson humiliated him more than any other rebuke he had ever received. He walked downstairs to meet the lady in his charge, and in a very short time President Jackson entered the room, dressed in a full suit of black, cleanly shaved, with his stubborn white hair forced back from his fore- head, and, advancing to the beautiful visitor, he greeted her with almost kingly grace. As she left the White House she said to her escort, “Your republican President is the royal model of a gentleman.”  – Trinity Journal, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Presidents’ Day Parties

Patriotism in the United States was celebrated proudly and openly throughout the country at the turn of the 20th century. February is still a particularly patriotic month, celebrating Presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.– Above – Patriotic themed table-scape for a 5 course formal dinner, from a Wallace Silver hostess book of 1900. 

IN SOCIETY'S REALM

This is the season when the “Colonial Party” opens and is ready for picking. There is no record to show who invented this species of social functions whether he was first in a little Iberian village, or second in Rome, but whoever he was there is little doubt that he is dead, so that the honor of the invention would be of no import to him. Some attribute its origin to George Washington, and others to Thomas Jefferson. As the former is admitedly the father of this country and the latter of the Democratic party, it seems an injustice to lay a second offense at the door of either.

A Colonial Party is one of the few occasions on which etiquette allows us to libel our sensible old ancestors. A favorite character which misrepresented at these gatherings is that of the Father of his Country, and if the ghost of the esteemed patriot could be presented and see some of the caricatures of its earthly habitations there would probably be an upheaval at Mt. Vernon. 

The callow youth, with a touch of velvet just below his nose, and with as much nobleness of face or figure as a Christmas turkey on the day after Christmas, dons a wig and a suit of clothes which were evidently made for a man, has powder rubbed on his face, and then proceeds to perspire, and try to look benignant, and imagines he is creating a sensation. There are usually from four to six George Washingtons at every Colonial Party: never less and often more. No two were ever known to resemble each other even to the extent that they would be mistaken for fourth cousins. The specimens are all original, painfully so.

Martha has never been neglected by the social colonist of today and the Puritans, too, are compelled to work over time. The cavaliers of the Old Dominion are annually blackguarded to the amusement of those concerned in the transaction. But after all, when the unsophisticated gaze back in retrospective, they must admit that our ancestors did not live in vain. – The San Jose Herald, February 1900

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Tenthold Tips” of Safari Etiquette

Tips for when on African safari, from 2 experts on the subject. Above, Jock & Betty Leslie-Melville, authors of the book.

6. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT SNAKES - We’ll be willing to bet quite heavily you won't even see one, let alone a scorpion. Indeed, there are very few insects and nasty reptiles about.

7. DO NOT WEAR A PITH HELMET - This is about as chic as spats and high-buttoned shoes.

8. DO NOT SHAVE IN THE TEA - A dreadful custom in East Africa is early morning tea. It is automatically brought to you at 6:30 a.m. every morning in the lodges. When one of our safariers asked on the first day of his trip about shaving facilities in tents, we told him hot water would be brought to him in the morning, but we forgot to mention that morning tea comes first. When he got his tea he shaved in it. It never occurred to him to drink it, but this is really what you are supposed to do.

9. DO NOT REFER TO AFRICANS AS “NATIVES” - Though we may refer to ourselves as natives of America or Sweden or whatever, the word in Africa has somehow fallen into disrepute and has insulting connotations. Other words to avoid are “boy,” “coloured people,” “blacks,” “negroes,” etc… (especially the etc...). The word to use, and the only word when referring to the indigenous people is “African.” This is extremely important. When hailing a servant say, “Waiter” or “Steward” or “Porter.”

10. DO NOT PHOTOGRAPH AFRICANS WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT - Some primitive Africans still believe that their soul goes into the “little black box” (camera), and the fact that you are trying to capture their image to them means you are trying  to capture their soul. Therefore, it is important our repeated warnings, one of our safariers photographed a Masai morani (warrior) who had already refused to have his picture taken, so the Masai threw his spear at the camera. Fortunately the car was in motion and nobody was injured, but our sympathies were certainly with the Masai knowing how strongly he felt. However, the sight of money can often have an extraordinary effect in dissolving the concern they feel about the capture of their souls. It is perfectly in order to bargain with them about money, and if you pay more than two shillings (twenty-eight cents) you are being taken. 

Others, and this includes Asians, have no superstitions about their soul, but just don't like being photographed for the same reason we would not like an unknown African visitor in the United States to photograph us doing our weekly shopping in the Food Fair - even for twenty-eight cents. However, many Africans love pictures of themselves and a Polaroid – From “Tenthold Tips: An amusing and informative introduction to Africa,” by Jock & Betty Leslie-Melville, 1971

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spotlight on Elizabeth Soos

Meet Etiquette Coach and Etiquipedia Contributor, Elizabeth Soos, Founder of Auersmont School of Etiquette & Protocol

When Elizabeth Soós, founder of Auersmont School of Etiquette and Protocol in Australia, was growing up, “etiquette was King” in her household. Her parents taught her European etiquette standards throughout her childhood. Later, together with self-directed studies, she completed the Train-the-Trainer course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London. To further her education, Elizabeth became certified in Chinese Etiquette with Ms. Joy Koh at Image Avenue and she studied with Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac, based in Paris and Shanghai, for excellence in customer service.

Elizabeth’s enjoys working with clients of all ages and backgrounds, at home and abroad. Over the past 10 years, Elizabeth has positioned herself as a voice of authority in etiquette as a contributing writer to the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia, co-sponsoring global etiquette competitions, and has been featured in The West Australian and The Sunday Times, among other media outlets. Ms. Soos firmly believes that etiquette is a life-changing skill, an attainable precious possession that lasts a lifetime. Her travel and cultural articles have become some of the most popular on the Etiquipedia site, especially those on Pakistani, Ethiopia and India. 

Below are links to just a few of Elizabeth Soos’ numerous articles on global etiquette you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

• Pakistani Culture and Etiquette

• Etiquette of Mauritius or “Mini India”
• Etiquette and Culture in Oman 
• The Royal Favourite Tokay Wine
• Etiquette and the Melbourne Cup
• Aboriginal Dining Etiquette in Australia

The following is a Q. & A. with Elizabeth:

What was the impetus for starting your Etiquette business?
From a young age, etiquette was like a second language in my household. I'd constantly observe and participate, always curious about the "whys" behind everything, from proper hosting to phone manners. My mother’s love for learning fuelled my own fascination with social interactions and cultural nuances.

After owning and running a business in a completely different field, I craved a new challenge. While diving deep into the world of etiquette, I researched and found there were many differing etiquette perspectives around the world, but all with the same core basis: Respect. After receiving differing certifications in many types of etiquette, I returned to Australia with a burning desire to share my knowledge. Building Auersmont School of Etiquette and Protocol was only the beginning.

Crafting the curriculum ignited a deeper thirst to understand the very history and evolution of etiquette, and to learn why others felt compelled to teach it. The pandemic pause presented a fortuitous opportunity to connect with Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, a fellow etiquette expert, who further enriched my journey as a coach. It's safe to say, my lifelong fascination with etiquette blossomed into a full-fledged passion project!

Elizabeth at work, addressing a room full of young business women.

What do you enjoy teaching the most?
There are two parts to a great lesson, and I truly enjoy both. Firstly, I relish delving into the fascinating history and scientific underpinnings of etiquette with my clients. It's incredibly rewarding to share the "why" behind the rules, not just the "how." This deeper understanding creates a foundation for using etiquette authentically and confidently.

However, the true magic happens when we get hands-on. Dining etiquette becomes an interactive adventure as we explore proper utensil use and tackle tricky foods with finesse. Whether it's mastering a multi-course meal or navigating a formal event, these practical exercises equip my clients to navigate any social or business situation with grace and poise. It's incredibly satisfying to see them transform from apprehension to amusement as they embrace these new skills.

What do you find rewarding about teaching Etiquette?
The true reward of teaching etiquette lies in those "a-ha!" moments. When a client, regardless of age, suddenly grasps the "why" behind a particular rule – understanding the history or cultural significance – it's like a lightbulb clicks on. The same goes for mastering a formal table setting; the look of accomplishment on one’s face is truly heartwarming. But the ultimate satisfaction comes months later.

Hearing from a client who successfully used an etiquette or protocol point I taught them, whether in everyday life or a work setting, is the ultimate validation. It lets me know my lessons have a real impact, empowering them to navigate the social world with confidence and grace. That's what truly makes my work rewarding.

What types of classes do you offer?
My passion truly lies in crafting programs that cater to real-world situations. That's why I've developed three core etiquette offerings: 1. Social Etiquette, 2. Business Etiquette & 3. Dining Etiquette. These areas touch every aspect of our lives, and I find immense satisfaction in equipping my clients with the skills they need to navigate these areas with confidence. The beauty of my approach is that clients can choose to focus on one area or combine all three to create a well-rounded skillset.

What age group do you enjoy working with most? And why?
There's a special joy I find in working with two distinct age groups: children and school or university graduates. Firstly, children possess an incredible openness to learning. They're like sponges, eagerly soaking up the rules and customs of etiquette. Witnessing their learning journey in classes like mastering skills like table manners or polite conversation, is incredibly rewarding. In a way, it's like giving them a secret code that unlocks a world of social confidence.

On the other hand, when working with school and university grads, it feels like I’m empowering them for the exciting but sometimes daunting transition into adulthood. Having missed out on etiquette education myself during those years, I understand the challenges they might face. Equipping them with social graces and professional know-how – from introductions to business dinners – gives them a head start in navigating the professional and social landscapes with confidence. It's a privilege to be a part of their journey.

Who are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy most?
When it comes to navigating the intricacies of etiquette and protocol, I rely on a few trusted authors whose works have profoundly shaped my understanding of social norms and behaviours. Maura J. Graber stands out with her insightful analysis and extensive research on historical etiquette, offering invaluable insights into how etiquette has evolved over the centuries. Additionally, Amy Vanderbilt's timeless classic, "New Complete Book of Etiquette," has been a personal favourite, providing not only clear guidance but also a warm and personable approach to the subject matter. "Australian Protocol and Procedures" by Asher Joel and Helen Pringle has become my go-to resource for everything related to governmental, royal, business, and dining etiquette, offering comprehensive guidance tailored to various contexts. These authors and their works have been instrumental in shaping my understanding of etiquette and protocol, offering guidance that is both informative and enriching.

If you’d like to reach Elizabeth, she can be contacted via her website, email, etc… listed below:

www.auersmont.com | +61 466 344 331 | auersmont@gmail.com

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia