Lobster Eating Etiquette

“It's perfectly all right to be a slob when eating lobster,” said Letitia Baldrige, author of “Letitia Baldrige’s Complete Guide to Executive Manners” (Rawson Associates, 1985). In fact, being a slob is part of the point. Highly refined restaurants save diners from a messy sparring bout by serving lobster out of the shell. Yet the convenience is rarely more than a palliative to the primordial lobster-eating urge.

Eating lobster turns civilized 

The problem with lobster is rarely its flavor. Except for its spawning months (in the early summer), when its shell is soft and its flesh is weary, a properly cooked lobster is sweet and tender, rich and delicate, the apex of seafood, the apogee of elegance. The problem with lobster is eating it. It brings out the neanderthal in us all. Many have described the civilized approach to eating a lobster without making a mess. 

In “The New Etiquette” (St. Martin’s Press, 1987), Marjabelle Young Stewart provides five steps to the conquering and consuming of life’s sweetest meat: 

1. Twist off the claws. Crack each with a nutcracker. Use a pick or oyster fork to remove and eat the meat. 

2. Break the tail off the body. If the tail is split, break back the flaps with your hands and push in with a fork. 

3. Twist off the legs. Suck the meat out gently. 

4. Use a fork to get small, accessible pieces of meat in the body. 5. Use a fork to eat the tomalley (green matter) and roe (coral). 

Yet Stewart’s system leaves much to chance and therefore fails to civilize the confrontation between soft fingers and hard red shells. What do you do, for instance, if the lobster tail has not been split? The precise tug it takes to extract the meat from the shell is almost an instinct. It begins with separating the tail from the rest of the body. From fishing to cooking to eating, never face a lobster head on. Place the lobster tail toward you, grasp the back of the declawed body with one hand and the center of the tail with the other and administer a quick, selfassured twist-pull. The motion combines the wringing of wet wash with the sliding of a cork from a wine bottle. A grunt is optional. 

Next, use one hand to flatten the tail, red side up, thick end toward you. Use your other hand to insert a dinner fork, pointed down, between the top of the meat and the shell. Maintain a 60-degree fork angle and gently tug to loosen the meat. When the meat achieves the play of a loose tooth, the holding hand can lighten the pressure on the top of the shell and apply a slight squeeze to its sides. Close your eyes. Yank. The claws are another problem, one that cannot be addressed solely by a nutcracker. This tool is reliable against the lobster’s smaller “ripping claw.” But nutcrackers frequently give way before the lobster's larger “crusher claw” cracks. There are sturdier (and more expensive) lobster crackers available. 

There is also the advice of “The New Emily Post's Etiquette” (Funk & Wagnall’s 1975): “Lobster claws should be cracked in the kitchen before being served.” When following this dictum in the kitchen, wear an apron, invert a chef’s knife and use the back side of the blade to whack with abandon. Back at the table, to remove the claw meat, use an inverted cocktail or salad fork, held again at 60 degrees, and tug carefully with a table-ward motion. In dinner, as in life, the lobster's claws are its main weapon. Pull slowly to avoid a big squirt. 

Brave eaters move below the claws to face the challenge of the lobster knuckles. A downward angle of a lobster pick or fork is helpful. But the best advice is that lobster knuckles make a mean salad. Take them home and pick them in private. The body is another territory for the bold. Use a small fork to pick, pick, pick. The lobster's green tomalley is the traditional trophy here. But lobstermen increasingly advise against eating this liver. In rare moments, they talk about pollution, saying, "Lobsters are bottom feeders." In the end, there are all those little legs and only one way to eat them. Twist-pull them loose. 

“It's perfectly all right to be a slob when eating lobster,” said Letitia Baldrige, author of “Letitia Baldrige’s Complete Guide to Executive Manners” (Rawson Associates, 1985). In fact, being a slob is part of the point. Highly refined restaurants save diners from a messy sparring bout by serving lobster out of the shell. Yet the convenience is rarely more than a palliative to the primordial lobster-eating urge. Have you ever seen a four-star lobster diner look as satisfied as someone pushing away from a roadside table along the Maine coast? We want the sloppy crack-slush-mush of full lobster battle. That is the problem. We have tried to civilize it with table tools and table rules, but we cannot wait to put on our bibs. 

The battle is part of the pleasure. “Scary, scary,” whined a 5-year-old diner when viewing a 20 pound dinosaur of the deep that her family selected for dinner recently at the Old Homestead Restaurant in Manhattan. After wielding picks and crackers, a mallet and a fork, she was a convert. “Good, good,” she said. And all the better for the battle. — By Molly O'Neill, N.Y. Times News Service

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Chicken, Lobster and Finger Bowls

“People are less lenient than they used to be. That is, if we go back to the descriptions given us by the writers of long ago, and as copied for instance in the moving picture of Henry VIII, who picked up a whole chicken in his hands and tore it apart, our table manners have become positively finicking.” Au contraire, mon frère!!!
—————— 
When it comes to table manners, we have no grounds to feel superior to Henry VIII. He observed complex etiquette. Emily Post’s knowledge of Tudor era etiquette, along with the portrayal of Henry VIII’s dining manners, were both incorrect. Henry VIII acted like an animal at times, but not while dining. Yes, even many “etiquette experts” get it wrong. One was quoted as saying this, upon the release of his 2013 book of etiquette: “In Henry VIII’s time, it was good manners to chuck lamb bones over one’s shoulder for the greyhounds to feed. That would cause raised eyebrows these days.”

Hands Off Chicken, Modern Code Insists

Dear Mrs. Post: Is it incorrect, according to etiquette, to eat even the slightest bit of chicken in the fingers? I don’t mean whether it is correct to take up what can be cut off the bone easily enough, but I am referring to the very small bones from which it is impossible to cut meat loose with a knife and fork. Aren’t good table manners today more lenient about these foods, especially if finger bowls are provided? 

Answer: No, people are less lenient than they used to be. That is, if we go back to the descriptions given us by the writers of long ago, and as copied for instance in the moving picture of Henry VIII, who picked up a whole chicken in his hands and tore it apart, our table manners have become positively finicking. The only things that could soil the fingers and are not tabooed by the meticulous are lobster claws. And when such lobster is served, finger bowls of hot soapy water should be provided at once. Perhaps, if this practice were followed when serving chicken, there would be no objection to taking the wings in the fingers. — Mill Valley Record, 1937

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Restaurant Napkin Etiquette

“Haircut or shave, sir?” — Past toddlerhood, bibs are not allowable according to to currently accepted etiquette standards, unless one is dining on lobster in its shell and the restaurant provides special bibs, or one is dining in a theme establishment at which diners are encouraged to wear napkins tucked in at the neck.

The efficient Henry, major domo of New York’s posh Barberry Room, was pained to note that one diner, evidently unfamiliar with the etiquette of dining in high society, had tucked a big napkin under his chin, preparatory to tackling an order of goulash-with-noodles. 

How to tell the gauche fellow that he was doing the wrong thing without hurting his feelings? Henry figured out a way. He tapped the diner lightly on the shoulder and inquired politely, “Haircut or shave, sir?”

 * * * 

A customer had been trying in vain to get some service in a crowded midtown restaurant one lunchtime. Finally he beseeched the major domo, "Can't you change my table, please? I'd appreciate something nearer a waiter.” — By Bennett Cerf, Distributed by King Features, 1962

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Profiles in Etiquette–Amy Vanderbilt

Amy Vanderbilt was born on July 22, 1908 in New York City, New York, a relation of Cornelius Vanderbilt, an American business magnate and philanthropist who built his wealth in railroads and shipping. She worked as a part-time reporter for the Staten Island Advance when she was 16 while attending Curtis High School. She furthered her studies and was educated in Switzerland and the Packer Collegiate Institute in Brooklyn, before attending New York University.

From 1929 to 1932 she was married to Robert Brinkerhoff. She worked in advertising and public relations, and published her famous book, Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette, in 1952, after five years of research. She also wrote, among other books, 1961's Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Cook Book illustrated by Andy Warhol. This cookbook's illustrations are attributed to "Andrew Warhol", and predate Andy Warhol's first New York solo pop art exhibition. His illustrations are simple line drawings in pen and ink. 

                                                              

How to Eat a Lobster from Amy Vanderbilt accompanied by Andy Warhol's illustrations.

From 1954 - 1960 she hosted the television program It's in Good Taste and from 1960 - 1962 she hosted the radio program The Right Thing to Do. In 1968 she married Curtis Kellar, a lawyer for Mobil Oil. She also worked as a consultant for several agencies and organizations, including the Princess House Crystal Company and the U.S. Department of State.

On December 27, 1974, she died from multiple fractures of the skull after falling from a second-floor window in her townhouse at 438 East 87th Street in New York. It remains unclear whether her fall was accidental (most likely due to the medications she took for hypertension, which friends and relatives said caused her to have severe dizzy spells) or whether she committed suicide. She was buried at the Cemetery of the Evergreens in Brooklyn, New York.
                                                         

Sooner or later everybody needs Amy Vanderbilt

Amy Vanderbilt's Obituary and the Mystery– 

Jump Or Fall? 

Amy Vanderbilt Dies In New York Plunge

“December 28, 1974, The Desert Sun– NEW YORK (UPI) - Amy Vanderbilt, columnist and etiquette expert whose book on manners became a standard for American behavior, died in a plunge from her second-story apartment Friday night. She was 66. Police at first said it appeared to be a suicide, but today said it had not been determined whether she jumped or fell. 

“An official ruling was withheld pending an inquiry and an autopsy. Police said no suicide note was found. Her husband, Curtis Kellar, was inside the apartment when the fatal plunge occurred. He said he walked into the front room, noticed his wife was not present and saw the open window, police said. Police said a passerby found the body of the author of ‘The New Complete Book of Etiquette’ lying on the sidewalk in front of her apartment at 7:55 p.m. Reached later at home, Kellar said his wife had been ill for a long time with hypertension and had been taking various drugs. He said she complained of dizzy spells and may have fallen out of the window. A friend, who asked not to be identified, described Miss Vanderbilt, who she said she saw two days before Christmas, as being ‘a little harried preparing for Christmas, but in good spirits.’

“Miss Vanderbilt was taken to Metropolitan Hospital and pronounced dead on arrival at 7:58 p.m., police said. Her ‘Complete Book of Etiquette’ which was completed in 1952, made her a national authority on etiquette. The 700-page book was later revised as ‘The New Complete Book of Etiquette.’ In 1954, Miss Vanderbilt joined the United Feature Syndicate, where she stayed until 1968 as a syndicated columnist. She wrote her column for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate since 1968 and wrote regular monthly columns for the Ladies’ Home Journal and McCall’s. 

“In addition to her literary efforts, Miss Vanderbilt also appeared often on television and radio. From 1954 to 1960 she hosted ‘It’s in Good Taste,’ a television program on etiquette, and from 1960-62 she had her own radio show, ‘The Right Thing To Do.’ Miss Vanderbilt was married four times, the last to Kellar, an assistant general counsel for the Mobil Oil Corp., in 1968. She is survived by three sons, all from previous marriages. They are Lincoln Gill Clark, by her second husband, Morton G. Clark, and Paul Vanderbilt Knopf and Stephen John Knopf, by her third husband, Hans Knopf. Miss Vanderbilt’s body was taken to the Manhattan Medical Examiner’s office for an autopsy.

“A memorial service will be held Tuesday at 3 p.m. at the Church of the Holy Trinity, and a family spokesman suggested that in lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration in New York.”

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Lobster and Shellfish

How to Eat a Lobster Boiled or Broiled-

Andy (Andrew) Warhol's artwork added to “Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette,” as well as her wonderful cookbook

1. Holding the body of the lobster on the plate with the left hand, twist off the claws with the right. Lay on side of plate.

2. Holding the lobster steady on plate, if necessary, lift up tail meat with fork. Cut into manageable segments with knife, dip in melted butter or mayonnaise.
3. Break off small claws and gently suck out meat from severed end.

4. Crack big claws, extract meat with seafood fork or nutpick, dip in melted butter or mayonnaise.

5. With seafood fork, pick out the good meat in the body, including the tamale, the green liver (and in females, the scarlet roe). Real lobster lovers unhinge the back and open the body of the lobster to extract the remaining sweet morsels.

A collection of seafood forks and cocktail forks, along with one splayed-tine lemon fork. 

Seafood 

Steamed Clams -
The steaming process is supposed to open the shell completely but sometimes doesn't. If a shell is not fully open, take it up and bend it back with the fingers. If this doesn't work, forget that one. Do not use a dinner knife or fork as an opener. With shell fully open, take the shell in left hand just over the dish and with the right hand lift out the clam by the neck. Holding the neck with the right hand, pull the body of the clam from it and discard the neck sheath. Holding the clam by the neck with the right hand, place the whole clam first in melted butter or broth, or both alternately, then in the mouth in one bite.

As empty shells collect, remove to butter plate or shell plates provided (and as clam-eating of this kind is always informal, it is an excellent idea for the hostess to provide platters or bowls for empty shells as well as finger bowls with hot soapy water afterward). Do not spoon up remaining liquid in soup plate- it may be sandy, but drink the broth separately provided in a bouillon cup or small bowl (but not if it is in a little dish). If clams are fried, eat with fork after breaking into two pieces if necessary. As these are greasy they should not be taken in the fingers, even by the neck.

Lobster and Hard-Shelled Crabs (Broiled or Boiled)-

Lobster picks, seafood forks and rare, silver, Victorian lobster tongs. 

The claws of both of these require dexterous handling. They should be cracked in the kitchen but further cracking at table (with a nutcracker) may be needed. Then the shells are pulled apart by the fingers and the tender meat extracted carefully so, if possible, it comes out whole. A nut pick is useful for this, but an oyster fork may do it, too. The claw meat, if small and in one piece, is dipped in melted butter or, with cold crab or lobster, in mayonnaise, then put all at once into the mouth. Larger pieces are first cut with a fork. The green material in the stomach cavity, called the "tamale," along with the "coral" or roe in the female, are delicacies and should be eaten with the fork. The small claws are pulled from the body with the fingers, then the body-ends placed between the teeth so the meat may be extracted by chewing (but without a sucking noise). The major portion of meat is found in the stomach cavity and the tail and is first speared, one side at a time, with the fork, then with the help of the knife, if necessary, lifted out and cut as needed into mouthfuls, then dipped in sauce or mayonnaise with the fork.

Mussels-

An odd fact ~ Watch what you serve if you are hosting any of the British monarchy. British Royals are never served shellfish in order to avoid poisoning. 

Served pickled or smoked on toothpicks as cocktail titbits and are thus taken via toothpick directly to the mouth. Served in shells and all in a variety of soup styles, too Moules Marinieres (Mussels mariner style) in a soup dish with a delicate thin soup like sauce redolent with garlic. The mussels may be picked out with a small oyster fork provided, but it is easier and just as correct to use the shells containing the mussels as small scoops. Pick up with the right hand and, placing the tip of the shell in the mouth gently (and silently), suck out mussel and sauce, then discard shell onto butter plate or platter provided. When shells have been cleared from dish, eat balance of sauce with spoon and bits of French bread used to sop up sauce, then conveyed to mouth with fork. The Italian variety of this dish has tomato, and is eaten the same way, often as a main dish with salad. A finger bowl is essential.

Oysters and Clams (Half Shell)-

Antique oyster or seafood fork 

Hold the shell steady with left hand and, using oyster fork, lift oyster or clam whole from shell, detaching, where necessary, with fork. Dip in cocktail sauce in container on plate, if desired. Eat in one mouthful. Oyster crackers may be dropped whole in sauce, extracted with oyster fork and eaten.

E.B. Mallory and Company's oyster advertisement, circa 1880's. Eliada Blakesley Mallory canning company in Gladesville and Baltimore, Maryland produced "Arrow Brand" oysters, thus the arrows being used as oyster forks in the advertisement. 

Shrimps, Scallops, Oysters (Fried)-

Diamond brand oyster advertisement. 

Eaten like fried clams, except that oriental fried shrimp (French fried with the tails on) are to be taken up by the tail and dipped in sauce, then bitten off to the tail, which is then discarded. Unshelled shrimp are lifted in the fingers, shelled, and conveyed whole to the mouth.

From the original "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia