Gilded Age “Etiquette Testers”

To the uninitiated, a stalk of asparagus is a formidable object. To get it into his mouth without dropping it inside of his vest requires tact. He observes that the popular way is to use it as a bow, with his mouth as the fiddle. It is rarely he ventures on this plan from an exaggerated opinion of its magnitude. And the caution is proper enough, perhaps, as in applying the bow he may miscalculate the exact location of the fiddle, and to offend in this respect, even in the smallest degree, is to disarrange one's nose or mar one's chin.

The Etiquette Testers?

A Discourse by Jim Bailey

We are sorry to see a disposition on the part of some of our exchanges to make jests of asparagus eating. It is by nature a delicious vegetable, but in build it is designed to prove a decided injury to people of infirm digestion, that is, when cooked in the whole, which is the popular way. A man unused to table etiquette should, when invited out, or when at a hotel table, decline such articles that he is confident he cannot dispose of with ease. These are, principally, asparagus, green corn on the cob, chipped potatoes, small game, oranges and stewed fruits whose pits are too large to be swallowed with safety. 

However, he does not always use his firmness, and his plate becomes filled or surrounded by things which are designed to build him up, but which threaten to tear him down, and before them he quakes in fear and confusion. If he does not have the strength to decline them when passed, he must either leave them about his plate as embossed monuments of his folly, or risk his life, and the garments of his neighbor, in their disposal.

To the uninitiated, a stalk of asparagus is a formidable object. To get it into his mouth without dropping it inside of his vest requires tact. He observes that the popular way is to use it as a bow, with his mouth as the fiddle. It is rarely he ventures on this plan from an exaggerated opinion of its magnitude. And the caution is proper enough, perhaps, as in applying the bow he may miscalculate the exact location of the fiddle, and to offend in this respect, even in the smallest degree, is to disarrange one's nose or mar one's chin. 

Then, again, is another danger. The stalk may lap down, causing an entirely new effect to be made; or it may part in the middle from too great an enthusiasm in closing upon it, leaving a very small particle in the mouth, with the handle in the fingers, and the most palatable and larger part inside the vest. 

If taken up as a whole on the fork, and we find that new beginners generally pursue this course, it has to be coaxed and crowded into the mouth with as much demonstration as though it were a dog being put out doors. And when safely housed there is the indigestible end or handle to be disposed of. It cannot be returned to the plate. To be swallowed at all it must be chewed very fine, and in this process all the delicacy and rich flavor of the balance of the stalk is lost in the depraved taste of the tough skin.

A man should become thoroughly familiar with asparagus before going into society with it. Corn on the cob is rather difficult to manage. Perhaps the better way is to cut off the corn, but to the beginner very unsatisfactory results quite frequently attend this operation. It he bears too hard, and he invariably will, on the top of the cob, the lower end, resting on the plate, will suddenly slip from its place, and plough through the dishes with awful ferocity, leaving ruin and desolation in its train. 

Stone fruits should be prepared without the pits, except in the case of cherries whose pits are so small as to readily permit of their being bolted into the system in great quantities. But with prunes and peaches it is an altogether different matter, and unless a man's esophagus is of a most accommodating nature a less alarming disposition of the pits than swallowing them must be discovered. This is a serious dilemma to the diffident man. 

In the home circle they may be spilled out on the cloths thrown under the table. But in society these simple means of escape are frowned upon. If a man has a goodly number of hollow teeth they can be quietly conveyed to such receptacles for the time being, but in absence of this he must either eject them into a spoon and thence to the plate, as society demands, or carry them banked under his tongue until he can get away from the table and slip them back of the ottoman.

Next to asparagus chipped potatoes are a source of well-grounded apprehension in the mind of the man who has given no study to table etiquette. Of a strikingly tempting appearance, he takes them on his plate without realizing the awful danger he is rushing upon. He does understand that a knife is tabooed in lifting food to the mouth, and he resorts to his fork, and begins to think that there are some things which are more easily lifted with the latter than with the former article. 

A chipped potato is such a thing in appearance only. It cannot be speared without breaking it, and to get one across the tines is only to follow it four times around the circumference of the plate, and to have it roll off nineteen out of every twenty times it is secured. A slice of chipped potato, if untrammeled in its movements, will weaken the most powerful intellect, unsupported by experience. So, really, there is nothing in these things to make sport of, but very much indeed to deplore and dream over. –Danbury News, 1877

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Table Etiquette “Don’ts”

Don't bite your bread: break it of with your hand. Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread. – Queen Victoria popularized placing a loaf of bread from which to cut slices from on the dining table, but dinner rolls were always found to be more popular on fashionable American tables of the era.– 
For laying the proper Gilded Age Table: “The damask cloth, which is always in the best taste for dinner, should have been ironed with a distinct crease down the middle, as a guide in the mathematical arrangement of the places. Next are laid plates large enough to hold the oyster or soup plate which is to contain the first course, and on it, or sometimes beside it, is arranged the napkin. This should have been ironed so as to fold over in three rather than four thicknesses, and it should be folded first so that the upper edge is broken at the midline and brought down the crease on either side of the mid-crease. The two protruding ends of the linen are now folded back on themselves so as to leave nearly a right-angled triangle of the napkin. This arrangement is finally turned over so that the foiled ends are underneath, and the dinner roll inserted.”

DON'T

• Don't leave your knife and fork your plate when you send it for a second supply. This rule is disputed by the English. The logic of the question, however, proves the correctness of this, for it is not easy to place food on a plate already occupied by a knife and fork It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others, so the problem of what to do with your dinner tools should be your problem rather than that of the host’s. The handles of knives and forks are now loaded so that the blades or tines will soil the cloth when rested upon the table. Or one may with a little skill hold knife and fork without awkwardness)
• Don't reject bits of bone or other substances by spitting them back into the plate. Quietly eject them upon your fork holding it to your lips and then place them upon the plate. Fruit stones may be removed with the fingers.
• Don't bite your bread: break it of with your hand. Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.
• Don't stretch across another's plate to reach anything.
• Don't apply to your neighbor to pass articles when the servant is at hand.
• Don't finger articles: don't play with your napkin or your goblet or your fork or with anything.
• Don't mop your face or beard with a napkin. Draw it across your lips neatly.
• Don't turn your back to one person for the purpose of talking with another, don't talk across the one seated next to you.
• Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side has the first claim upon your attention. A lady at your side must not be neglected whether you have been introduced to her or not.
• Don't talk when your mouth is full. – From “Don’t” by Censor (Oliver Bell Bunce) 1887 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Tips for Fruits

Unless grape scissors accompany the fruit bowl, the hostess should cut the grapes apart into clusters of about a dozen berries each —approximately a nice little bunch. Even though they look so tempting, grapes shouldn’t be pinched off the main bunch, one by one, while it still rests in the fruit bowl. As with kumquat seeds, grape seeds should be “herded” to the tip of the tongue and transferred as casually as possible to the cupped hand and from there to the side of the fruit plate. Grape skins, if not desired, should be disposed of in the same way. — Meriden Britannia grape shears (above) were also marketed as “flower shears” in their 1880’s salesman’s catalogs.

A bowlful of luscious fresh fruits has long been one of the most classic desserts. In spite of that, today, many people wonder just how natural or informal they should be when confronted with a fruit bowl from which to select their choice of these tempting viands. Here are some tips that should prove helpful. The hostess will serve a small dessert plate and either a fruit knife or fork, however, since many people do not own fruit knives, don’t rule out the fruit bowl, simply use regular knives (steak knives are excellent if available). 

Etiquette Tips 

Books of etiquette agree on these rules for eating fresh fruit at the dinner table:

• Pears and Apples: Quarter the fruit, then peel each quarter and remove the core. Eat the quarters while holding them with the fingers, or pick up with a fruit fork. Some pears may be very juicy. In that case it’s much easier to eat them with a fork. 
• Bananas: Peel the banana, and here again, either fingers or forks may be used, breaking off and eating a bite-sized piece. 
• Kumquats: Make two or three bites of it, depending on size. If there are pits, transfer them from the tip of the tongue to your cupped hand as easily and gracefully as possible, then place on the side of the fruit plate. 
• Grapes: Unless grape scissors accompany the fruit bowl, the hostess should cut the grapes apart into clusters of about a dozen berries each —approximately a nice little bunch. Even though they look so tempting, grapes shouldn’t be pinched off the main bunch, one by one, while it still rests in the fruit bowl. As with kumquat seeds, grape seeds should be “herded” to the tip of the tongue and transferred as casually as possible to the cupped hand and from there to the side of the fruit plate. Grape skins, if not desired, should be disposed of in the same way. 
• Grapefruit: No guest can be expected to remove a grapefruit from the fruit bowl and deal with it right at the table. Grapefruit should be halved in the kitchen and sections cut free. Seeds or pulpy centers should also be removed. A spoon, preferably with a pointed tip, should be served with the halved fruit. No matter how delicious and nutritious that last bit of juice, etiquette frowns on retrieving it by squeezing the rind! Seems a shame.
• Oranges: The loose-skinned oranges, tangerines, etc. can be peeled with little effort, then pulled apart into sections and eaten segment by segment. Oranges with tight skins require a fairly sharp knife. Then can be peeled spirally, round and round, or easier, cut just through the skin as though to quarter the orange, then strip away each section of skin. In other words, do relax and enjoy fresh fruits. 
• Smart homemakers serve a fresh fruit bowl often. Not only is this an easily prepared dessert, but it is a most refreshing and healthful one. A fresh fruit bowl is a more reliable source of vitamins and minerals than pills. The American Medical Association advocates obtaining nutrients from foods, not drugs, except as a physician may prescribe supplements in specific cases. 
• Fresh fruits are low in calories. The overweight can consume carbohydrates in the form of bulky fresh fruits and vegetables. This is one means of lowering the total calorie intake and yet eating a satisfying amount. 
• Most fresh fruits are picked when juicy-ripe. Pears and bananas are exceptions. These fruits never ripen satfactorily on the parent plant. Bananas are picked when mature but green; pears when sufficient carbohydrate has formed, but the fruit is still firm. Time at room temperature may be needed to mellow these two fruits. After that they should be stored in the refrigerator. – Madera Tribune, 1966

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia