Japanese Etiquette and Manners

As with the French, the Japanese believe in promoting good manners, social skills and etiquette at an early age.— “Little girls of 10 will one see here, whose finish of breeding would have awakened the envy of a Duchess at the Court of Louis XIV at Versailles. Female servants one will encounter, at a dinner in the house of a Japanese gentleman, whose grace, charm and dignity are the quintessence of lady-like refinement.”— Meme fromThe Free Thought Project.com

Etiquette Has Become Second Nature In the Land of the Mikado

Given a highly imitative people like the Japanese, and let one undeviating standard be set before them. Then, generation after generation, will no change be witnessed. The standard will act like that of the French academy on the language of France. Now, at home, in America, we have 50 standards of manners—the reserved and reticent New England manners, the slap you on the back far western manners, the demagogue’s manners, the drummer’s manners, the cut and dried business man’s manners—these and dozens of others might be specified. And it must be admitted by even the most patriotic, that the man who should try to model his deportment on all these schools at once would come to a somewhat mixed result. Nothing of this bewildering complexity has ever existed in Japan. 

From Mikado at the top to cooly at the bottom of the social scale, one undeviating standard has always prevailed. Originally an importation from China, it has been elaborated through centuries of study of the most elaborate ceremonial etiquette ‘til at last, through constant practice, it has become second nature. No one ever saw anything else, ever dreamed of anything else. There was one way of saluting a superior, one of saluting an equal, one of saluting an inferior, and one’s head would have been cut off had he departed from it. No Japanese child ever saw a drummer—saw only prostrate artisans saluting samurai, samurai saluting daimios, daimios saluting shoguns. The whole ceremonial became organized into them as much as their instinctive habits into our setters and pointers, perhaps the best mannered of our population. 

Little girls of 10 will one see here, whose finish of breeding would have awakened the envy of a Duchess at the Court of Louis XIV at Versailles. Female servants one will encounter at a dinner in the house of a Japanese gentleman whose grace, charm and dignity are the quintessence of lady-like  refinement. “Trifles make perfection, but perfection is no trifle. ” The simple fact is that the young woman of 20 has been doing the thing for a thousand years. — Christian Register, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old Japanese Proposal Etiquette

A 19th C. Japanese Bride arrives at the home of the groom’s parents – Instead of serenades by moonlight and other delicate ways of making an impression, it is etiquette for the Japanese lover to approach the dwelling of his lady, bearing some choice plant in his hand. This takes place at a time when he is fully assured that both mother and daughter are at home, and I need scarely say that neither of them is at all conscious that the young man is taking such a liberty with the flower pot outside of their window. 

A Graceful Sweethearting Custom

In houses wherein reside one or more daughters of a marriageable age, an empty flower pot of an ornamental character is encircled by a ring and suspended from the window or veranda by three light chains. Now, the Juliets of Japan are, of course, attractive, and their Romeos as anxious as those of other lands. But instead of serenades by moonlight and other delicate ways of making an impression, it is etiquette for the Japanese lover to approach the dwelling of his lady, bearing some choice plant in his hand. This takes place at a time when he is fully assured that both mother and daughter are at home, and I need scarely say that neither of them is at all conscious that the young man is taking such a liberty with the flower pot outside of their window. It is believed that a young lover so engaged, has never been seen by his lady, or her mamma, in this act of sacrilege. 

At any rate, my friend tells me that during his long residence in Japan, he never heard of one being interfered with in any way. The fact is, this act of placing a pretty plant into the empty flower pot is equivalent to a proposal to the young lady who dwells within, and the eastern fashion is, as I think, a delicate and most harmless way of proposing to a lady. The youthful gardener, having settled his plant to his mind retires, and the lady is free to act as she pleases. If he is the right man, she takes every care of his gift, waters it, tends it carefully with her own hands, that all the world can see. In a word, the donor is an accepted suitor. But if he is not a favorite, or the parents object, the poor plant is torn from the vase, and the next morning lies limp and withered on the veranda or on the path below.—Home Journal, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Japanese Etiquette

Table etiquette has elaborate rules, which high-bred ladies and gentlemen must strictly follow. A maid-servant always waits, kneeling, at a short distance, before a clean pan of boiled rice, with lacquered tray, on which she receives and delivers the bowls for replenishing them. Fragrant green tea is always used at the end of a meal, but sugar and cream never.

The Japanese Home:

The Dwellings and the Domestic Life of the Quaint People

If a man of taste should enter a Japanese parlor he would not fail to be surprised at the display of marvelous and exquisite taste. Yet I have often heard the sayings of foreigners that "the Japanese house has no furniture and is absolutely cheerless and empty." This is quite wrong. I must say that they have no taste of the Japanese art, for the men of taste are agreed in saying that the art of decoration in Japan is excellent. If anyone has some taste in this art, he will perceive that the hanging picture on the toko wall, elaborate arrangement of flowers, pictures on the framed partitions and all decoration, however trifling, reveal infinite taste.

The tastes of the Western people differ so much from ours that the decoration in the chambers seems almost childish to the Japanese eyes. The gorgeous display of colors in their rooms would please our children to look at. Drawingrooms piled up from corner to corner with toys, shells stones, dishes, spoons and different novel things always remind us of our curio-shops, a bunch of flowers is stuck in a vase without form and without order. The pictures in the rooms hang perpetually, though the face of nature and feeling of man chance from time to time. All these sights which we are accustomed to see in the European house excite in us nothing but wonder. Yet this is the taste of the Western people; we have no right to criticize it.

In Japan, the family never gathers around one table as the European or other Asiatic peoples do, but each person has his or her own separate small table, a foot square and a foot high, and always highly decorated. When they take their meals they kneel upon the mat, each taking his table before him. The little lacquered table generally contains a small porcelain bowl, heaped up with deliciously cooked rice, and several lacquered wooden bowls containing soup or meat, and numbers of little porcelain plates with fish, radishes and the like. The way of cooking, of course, is entirely different from the European. 

Two pretty chopsticks, made of lacquered bamboo or wood, silver or ivory, are used, instead of knife, fork and spoon, and all people use them with great skill. All foods are prepared in the kitchen so as to avoid any trouble to use knife and fork. Soup is to be drunk from the bowl by carrying it to the mouth by hand, in the same way as people drink tea or coffee. Table etiquette has elaborate rules, which high-bred ladies and gentlemen must strictly follow. A maid-servant always waits, kneeling, at a short distance, before a clean pan of boiled rice, with lacquered tray, on which she receives and delivers the bowls for replenishing them. Fragrant green tea is always used at the end of a meal, but sugar and cream never. — Harper's Bazar, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Japan's Imperial Etiquette History

To the American Ex-Attaché, a "gruesome pantomime" was enacted at the time of the death in Formosa of the Japanese Prince  — Japanese Imperial Prince Kitashirakawa 

Ex-Attaché on Mourning Customs

Comparing Royal Court Mourning customs between the Orient and Occident, an ex foreign attaché reports on a "gruesome pantomime" that was enacted at the time of the death in Formosa of the Japanese Imperial Prince and Field Marshal Kitashirakawa, so well known in this country. 

"Japanese court etiquette requires that no official information of the death of a member of the reigning family shall be made until after the celebration of certain mortuary ceremonies in his or her own palace. The dead Prince was therefore brought all the way back from Formosa to Tokio as a live man. 

The general order announcing his departure to the troops bore what purported to be his signature. The man-of-war that conveyed his corpse to Japan flew no emblems of mourning as its masthead. Meals were served in the cabin where the dead Prince lay, and military and naval reports were made to his deaf ear every morning and evening just as if he were alive. 

On reaching port he was disembarked with naval and military honors and arrayed in a uniform of field marshal, was seated in a saloon carriage on the railroad, his staff taking their places around him. Arriving at Tokio he was conveyed not to a hearse, but to a state coach, seated in which, and surrounded by a cavalry escort, he was driven to his palace. Only on the following day did the government issue the public and official announcement of his death." — 1897

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Japan: Visits, Gifts and More

In modern day Japanese culture, wrapping paper and boxes are extremely common. However, the traditional cloth wrapping (furoshiki) is increasing in popularity, particularly as an ecological alternative to wrapping paper.

Etiquette of Present Giving

The etiquette of present-giving is in itself very complicated, and not the least arduous of the duties which fall on the head of a household. A present is not necessarily confined to any season, but may be given at any time; indeed it is the appropriate accompaniment of a visit. Fish, fruit, eggs neatly packed in wooden boxes, cake or a piece of silk or crepe are the most common presents. They are brought in by the guest on a neat tray, or else sent beforehand by a servant. Presents are usually wrapped up in white paper, folded so that the left edge of the paper will lie under the right, and they are tied with a peculiar string, half red and half white. This string must be not only tied in a certain way, but the package must bear on it written characters which signify that it is a present.

There are a number of symbols which may be used, representing a greater or less amount of humility and respect on the part of the giver. The characters have various meanings, some being words of good luck and others signifying the smallness and unfitness of the present for acceptance, a term most commonly used being so shina—literally a common, coarse, or rough article. Accompanying each present is a little bit of dried fish, which is neatly folded in paper and is sent for good luck. On occasions of misfortune, when there has been death in the family, the etiquette is entirely different, and not only the gift itself but the manner of wrapping and the charmed characters it bears must all be changed. 

Visits Are Infrequent

Formal visits are exchanged in person between relatives and friends, but Japanese ladies go out much less frequently than the men, and after the visit at New Year's, which every one makes, perhaps only one or two calls may be made on any one friend during the year. Gentlemen are far more social, and frequently exchange visits with each other, but there is no friendly intercourse with the ladies of the family. The mistress of a household exchanges salutations with the guests, provides for their entertainment, and accompanies them to the door on their return, but she is not expected to remain in the guest room and converse with them, except in the absence of her husband and of other male members of the family.

Refreshments —usually tea and cake —are always served to a guest almost immediately on his arrival, together with the charcoal brazier, which holds the fire for lighting the little Japanese pipes carried by almost every one in the girdle of the kimono. If the guest does not eat the cake or candy served to him it is quite the proper thing when he is leaving for some member of the household to wrap it up in the paper in which it has been placed and give it to him to take home and it is the guest's part to show his appreciation by taking it, rather than leaving it behind as something worthless. He slips it into the long sleeve of his dress, whence it is taken out by the little ones at home, who are only too happy to have the father's omiyage for their own, for the children are very fond of the sweet dainties, of which there is such an abundance in Japan. 

Hospitable Japanese Customs

A guest who has come from any distance is always asked to a meal, but it is frequently served to him separately on a little lacquer table brought in to the guest room. One or two members of the family may take their meal with him, while the others of the household have their dinner in a separate room. The host, in asking his guest to dine, must always preface his invitation by modestly saying that there is nothing fitting for his friend's entertainment, but he begs him to partake of what they have. The guest bows his thanks and then begins the meal on the little lacquer table, with rice bowl, soup bowl, saucers and chopsticks neatly arranged in place, and a kneeling maid ready to serve the hot rice whenever it is called for. 

As sandals and clogs are worn in the streets and left outside at the door on entering a house, the footgear of a guest must be looked after and neatly placed for him at the door before his return. Should it not have been fixed by the servants, some member of the family must do it at the time the guest departs. As the touching of any article of footgear is a very lowly act in Japan, as in all Eastern countries, the guest must feel honored by this courtesy, make his bow, and say the appropriate words of thanks. 

Whether or not a guest is welcomed and entertained as he should be, he is sure of being well-sped when he is departing. Custom orders that all members of the family and those of the servants who happen to be around shall accompany the guest to the door to bow and see him off. Five or six bowing figures around a doorway is by no means an unusual sight, and it gives one a sense of importance to depart with such a show as a family of even moderate size can make, not to speak of larger and wealthier households, with their retinues of servants.

Curious Every Day Ceremonies

Besides these every-day customs there are many curious ceremonials in Japanese life, many of which the present era has given up or abbreviated. Of those that remain, the most interesting is, perhaps, the old ceremonial tea making, which is a very complicated and difficult affair, and can only be learned after much practice and many instructions from a master of etiquette. Their service at a ceremonial tea party is an art in itself and there are professionals who teach exactly how it is to be carried out. 

The ceremony of making this peculiar and rare kind of tea and of serving the dinner which accompanies it lasts several hours, and the whole entertainment is from beginning to end a very curious and complicated one, in which rules of etiquette are very rigid. Every motion of the hand when preparing the powdered tea is fixed by rule, as are also the manner of presentation and the accepting of the cup by the guest. It takes many long hours of practice before one is skillful enough to do it gracefully and without one mistake. 

The tea room in which the entertainment is held, the utensils, the ornaments of the tea room and everything connected with it are and they must be in keeping with the esthetic regulations which govern the whole entertainment. The making of the tea is taught in many girls' schools and by special masters in the profession.—Sacramento Daily Union, 1897

🎁Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japan's Etiquette and Customs— A Victorian View

A wealthy Japanese man and his servant.

The following describes the contents of a letter from 1859 in New York, detailing to someone, the "peculiar" etiquette and customs of the Japanese people.

"In some respects they appear to be more virtuous than people boasting of a higher civilization. Malversation by a functionary, embezzlement of public funds, extortion, bribery of officials, coining of false money, murder, and robbery, are punished with death, and not only of the guilty person, but of his father, children, and even all of his male relatives, who are executed at the same moment, however distant they may be from one another. This system, which is repugnant to European notions, and to sound principles of justice, appears to be adopted by the Japanese from the belief that crime is owing to bad education.

The modes of punishment adopted in Japan are of different sorts, but all are horrible. The principle is crucifixion, and is reserved for traitors, murderers and incendiaries. The culprit is fastened on the cross head downwards, and is left to die, unless he obtains the favor of being dispatched by stabs from a poignard. For parricide and adultery, culprits are plunged into boiling oil. Petty robberies, insults, calumny, fraud, even at play, and false testimony before magistrates, are punished by hanging or beheading. If the offenders be a gentleman or soldiers, their bowels are opened -- they have even the privilege of performing the operation on themselves. Pecuniary fines are almost unknown. The corporal punishment of the whip and the bastinado are reserved for slaves and servants, and are inflicted by their masters, not by public executioners. The Japanese consider corporal punishment so degrading that mothers never strike their offspring.

Depiction of a young Japanese woman, being dressed by her servants.

The climate is enervating, yet children are brought up hardily. They are made to bear hunger, thirst, cold, pain, excess of labor, and the rigor of the seasons. Horror of falsehood and fraud, and love of modesty, justice, and virtue are diligently inculcated. One of the results of the system of education is to inspire the Japanese with a passion for books which causes surprise in European visitors.

The bookselling trade in Japan is subjected to no restriction, and they're everywhere, even in towns of small population, numerous bookshops. Great parts of literature of the Japanese is Chinese; and their knowledge of arts and agriculture is derived from the same people. The language commonly employed is every year becoming more Chinese in character. And yet the Japanese despise the Chinese; they do so because from their early age they have been taught that the Chinese are not soldiers; that in ancient times a Japanese army defeated an immense Chinese army in the Corea; and that Coxinga himself, who is the scourge of the sea and the terror of the Chinese Empire, it was a Japanese -- as were also the greater part of his companions."

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia