Etiquette and Dignified Behavior

Again, Mrs. Chester Adams requests her friends to bring to her their Social Problems and Perplexities by letter at any time.

BE DIGNIFIED

WE HAVE heard of the sweet dignity of women, and if we are mortal we have been charmed by that element in a person's deportment; we also must be aware of the fact that dignity in women is on the wane. It is to be deplored that it has gone far below par in the estimation of many, though its value is still to be appreciated by an elect few.

Now I am not preaching against a charming natural spontaneity, and no one appreciates the joy of fresh and hearty living more than I do. But I like women too much to see them lowering the standards of behavior, there-by affecting the status of our sex. And nothing is quite so effective in the destructive work as a lack of dignity.

Some one has said that dignity rarely goes hand-in-hand with haste. As soon as your actions are unduly quickened, there is a lack of judgement and equipoise which are associated with dignity, Cultivate a habit of allowing plenty of time to say and do things. In your conversation, acquire a natural dignity of intona- tion and choice of words. This does not mean to be a pedant and to flaunt long, involved sentences at a tired listener. It does mean that a statement can be made in well-chosen, pure English. As soon as slang or dioms are allowed, there is a loss of dignity.

Your correspondence, too, should receive careful consideration. Never allow one word to flow from your pen that might rebound to your discredit. The written word often stands out as a witness against the writer's good breeding.

Perhaps in your actions there is greater opportunity to throw dignity to the winds than in your words. 1 have seen women hurling wrath, in the shape of undignified words, at conductors, newsboys, children and grown people, and there has generally been nothing gained except the laugh and disrespect of the onlookers. A lack of dignity may be funny at times, but it never gains a sincere admiration or respect.

In the general attitude toward men, I must exhort women, young and otherwise, to be extremely careful. I would far rather be marked as “too dignified” than to err on the other side. I much prefer my self-respect to a familiarity which breeds contempt. It is better to possess dignity than a popularity gained at a disregard for this quality.

I do not wish to sermonize, my dear friends. I merely wish to bring to the minds of my readers the fact that in an unexplained manner we are seeing less of a serious dignity in women than in former days. We are losing one of the traits that, “in spite of the popularity of the jolly good fellow” will ever be worthy of sincere satisfaction. Are you forgetting it? Or do you stand with those who insist upon upholding the high ideals of behavior? — Dear Mrs. Adams, San Francisco Call, 1910

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Etiquette and Refinement

Attentions should be warmly accepted, and the gratitude expressed should be of the sort which does not forget.

Seek the companionship of the refined and the gentle-mannered if you would be the same. Move in that society in whose ways you are versed and whose rules you practice, if you would be appreciated or met with like courtesy.

Never fail to say kind words to those in distress whom you meet. The kindness, however, must be genuine, and come from the heart, never in stereotyped and hollow phrases.

The courtesy which offers attentions should be met with graciousness in receiving them. Surprise is a sign that one rates one's self lower than did the person who showed the courtesy. Attentions should be warmly accepted, and the gratitude expressed should be of the sort which does not forget.

A woman, when in the presence of the men of the family, should expect that doors will be opened for her, that she will pass through them first, that packages will be carried, and errands run. She should not, however, let these little attentions be paid her by her father or an elderly relative.

Enter a room filled with people in a dignified manner and with a slight bow to the general company. "We all do stamp our value on ourselves" is true enough, and our private stamp is never more conspicuous than when we confront a roomful of people. If we show modesty but intense self-respect in our bearing, there is no one who will not raise his personal estimate of us no matter what it was.

The head should be well up, the body squarely erect, the chest out. Self-consciousness at such a time is a mistake, if natural, and shows the actual littleness which one is trying by an upright bearing to conceal. One should train one's self until the meeting of people, no matter who they may be, whether singly or in large numbers, is a matter of no particular concern as to deportment. Never enter a room noisily, nor fail to close a door after you, without slamming.

Never take another's seat unless you give it up upon his return. Dignified postures in sitting are marks of respect to yourself and the company you are with. A gentleman does not sit astride a chair, nor with legs spread out, nor a lady with her legs crossed. Never put out your foot, in the street car or elsewhere, or place it where it may trouble others in passing by.

When several people enter a room in a private house where you are sitting, always rise, especially if they are older than you. When an elderly person enters the room alone, it is always a graceful show of deference for all younger than he to rise and remain standing until he is seated.

The greetings of night and morning are due to all members of one's household, and should not be omitted. The one who enters a room where others are assembled gives the salutation first. "Good morning" is the appropriate greeting 'til noon. "Good afternoon" and "Good evening" are the greetings for the later hours of the day. "Good-by" is, however, the common and most acceptable form of farewell. – Edith Ordway

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